February 3rd, 2010

CCHQ Try to Put the Frighteners on Leakers

CCHQ get immensely annoyed when stories leaked from Millbank appear on this blog. Before Christmas George Osborne told a staff briefing that they may enjoy “ten minutes of fame” but leaks (and he named Guido in particular) could blow the whole election campaign.  Guido took that as a compliment.

The minor revelation on this blog that ballot papers will not have “David Cameron’s Conservatives” on them, a much mooted and trialled idea, has resulted in chief whip Patrick McLoughlin wading in.  At the Ashcroft / Cameron Tory PPC get-together this weekend the Chief Whip took the stage. He displayed the story on an overhead projector during a talk about loyalty. They’ll have to try harder than that to silence Guido, several PPCs got in touch to laugh about it…

Guido always protects his sources. The proof: when Downing Street threatened a security investigation, they got nothing.  Injunctions get filed in the bin, Court Orders get flouted, mole hunts end up in a hole.  To quote Rick Astley, Guido is never gonna give you up.

You make this blog happen. Sources are always anonymous (unless you want credit). If you know “the line” is a lie, ask yourself why you got into politics; was it to cover up the truth, or tell it? You may even get a conspiracy member T-shirt for your troubles…

Guido relies on you for information.
Voicemail : 0709 284 0531
Fax : 0709 201 2337
Email : guido.fawkes@Order-Order.com


  1. 1
    Plumber's mate says:

    Harman leaks all the time.

  2. 2
    T.B£iar - the People's Messiah says:

    I bet Dr. David Kelly wishes this blog had been going before we ‘spoke’ to him about leaks.

  3. 3

    “Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.”

    Benjamin Franklin

  4. 4
    Harridan Harpoison says:

    Drips will always leak

  5. 5
    Peter Grimes says:

    Well we know that most of ZaNuLieBor’s stormtroopers got into politics not even to cover up the truth but to blatantly foster lies!

  6. 6

    To quote myself – Friends in politics can be expensive accessories!

  7. 7
    catflap says:

    “Blow the whole election Campaign”. Cameron and Osbourn are doing a good enough job already,thank you very much.

  8. 8
    The PM shouldn't be disturbed but this cunt is says:

    Fawkes is of course as a fiddlin midget once said, ‘a political nihilist’

    But aiding the establishment to defeat the Conservatives seems a trifle juvenile and self serving.

  9. 9
    Has Guido EVER given anyone a free T-shirt? says:

    You may even get a T-shirt for your troubles?
    Yeah, right, pull the other one.

  10. 10
    Gordon ( SoldGoldAtThe ) BottomBrown says:

    Guido, I see you’ve got ‘Gordon Is A Moron’ T-shirts on offer there.

    Please do NOT respond to any orders from my Cabinet colleagues.

  11. 11
    oldrightie says:

    Since we are heading towards third world status why not expedite the journey by keeping Labour in power?

  12. 12
    concrete pump says:

    The difference between the titles ‘Conservatives’, and ‘David Camerons Conservatives’, is vast.

    Coming up to an general election, having Camerons name, as well as that stupid fucking tree on ballot papers isn’t going to help the Tories at all.

  13. 13
    Jus' Sayin' says:

    The Conservatives ARE the fucking establishment. The establishment only let Labour in to wage wars so they could then blame it all on the Labour movement to disecredit it.
    And it worked.
    Very clever indeed.

  14. 14

    Love the Rick Roll vid link!

  15. 15
    Jackboot Jacqui says:

    Claim all accessories on expenses – we do !

  16. 16
  17. 17
    Robert Mugabe says:

    Come on down !!

  18. 18

    Only to go home in :)

  19. 19
    lying liar says:

    That is so true.

  20. 20
    red neck says:

    As conspiracy theories go, that is the dogs bollocks.

  21. 21
    BillyBob ... reduce crime, prison numbers and the benefits black hole? Stop immigration !! says:

    Richard Madeley on Politics Show defending his bestest pal Tony Bliar ……. did not realise he was/is such a serious journalist !!

  22. 22
    tap dancer says:

    As drip is a leak FFS.

  23. 23
    BillyBob ... reduce crime, prison numbers and the benefits black hole? Stop immigration !! says:

    Of course you can always believe a shoplifting thief !!

  24. 24
    Lil Olmey says:

    Where can I contact the Campaign for Real Conservatives ?

  25. 25
    AndyinBrum says:

    Although turning up to CCHQ or Downing st wearing that Tshirt might give rise to some suspicions

  26. 26
    BillyBob ... reduce crime, prison numbers and the benefits black hole? Stop immigration !! says:

    alleged thief…. I hasten to add !!

  27. 27
    Gordon Brown stole my pension says:

    You beat me to it.

  28. 28
    NorthernGit says:

    we knew he was a complete wanker but certainly not a journalist

  29. 29
    resurgemus says:

    don’t worry Labour luv you’ll be happier in opposition – it’s clear you can’t do government, you don’t line the buck stopping with you.

  30. 30
    Moley says:

    When I ran my own business my rule was to run it in such a way that if everything I did was made public, there would be no embarrassment.

    Politicians would be well advised to stick to the same principle.

    By the way; have the Labour Party become completely silent, or are their magisterial pronouncements now being completely ignored by the media?

  31. 31
    Gordon Brown stole my pension says:

    It’s an absolute belter.

    And I thought I was mad.

  32. 32
    Trinny says:

    If Richard says Tone was right then I belive him. He’s met Katie Price you know.

  33. 33
    Conservative Party now to be renamed Wavy Davy's Green Perky Politico People says:

    There’s a reason they are dropping both the name and perhaps even the giant face posters. The private polling afterwards. They bombed

  34. 34
    Craigoh says:

    Geez, if it goes on like this Gordon McF*ck-up is gonna be PM for another five years… With Balls, And Hattie Harridan, and Mandy and the Millipedes totally screwing us for decades and decades to come. More and more big brother BS and more nannying and snooping and taxes and general misery.

    Well, that may be okay for you nihilists on here, or those of you whose parents could afford Eton fees, but at the risk of sounding humungously unforgivably pompous, some of us have our children’s futures to think about.

    Cameron may be a bit of a moonfaced git and Osborne a prize numpty… But – and I never thought I’d say this – we need a Tory govt like never before, and we need it right now. Besides, Hague’s sound and so’s Clarke and David Davies (up to a point), they’ll see Blighty through, surely?

  35. 35
    HandsomeDavid says:

    The death of Dr David Kelly was a defining moment for many people in the UK. There has still not been an inquest into his death.

    This happened on Tony Blairs watch and I do not believe that he died in the circumstances described at the time.

    I believe that he was murdered.

  36. 36
    Gordon Brown stole my pension says:


  37. 37
    Mitch says:

    Don’t think he would’ve been a regular, tbh.

  38. 38
    smoking mirrors says:

    They did the noisy bits yesterday, now they’re in the back rooms fiddling the figures.

  39. 39
    Steve Expat says:

    Guido, are we getting PMQs today?

  40. 40
  41. 41
    Mitch says:

    his choice of women proves Madeley’s judgement is seriously flawed

  42. 42
    DelBoy says:

    What is Clare Short’s take on Kelly’s death I wonder.

  43. 43
    Gordon Brown stole my pension says:

    No matter who wins the election, the next government’s going to last about 5 minutes, as Brown’s debt catastrophe crushes them like bugs, so I wouldn’t worry about it.

  44. 44
    DelBoy says:

    No no, the back drop is to let Labour continue rule through the shitty times, and the new Conservatives will drop back into power in the sunlit uplands beyond, with a nice new squaky clean leader (Boris?)

    I always enjoyed Fairy Stories.

  45. 45
    jgm2 says:

    If they’re worried about renegade party members making arses of themselves then they should get that salad-dodger Pickles off the airwaves. Caught him mumbling his way through some defence of FPTP last night with (I think) Hain.

    Fuck me – all he has to do is ignore all questions and question the timing of the Maximum Imbecile’s sudden conversion to PR. In fact don’t question it – just state it as a matter of fact that it is the Maximum Imbecile’s effort to prevent anybody from cleaning up his economic clusterfuck.

    These idiot Tories are getting drawn into defending their own positions when they should be simply attacking the Imbeciles record and everything he says and does.

  46. 46
    Moley says:

    Here is a competitor;

    “Has Brown been sent to Northern Ireland so that he can be finished off in a “terrorist atrocity”, thus getting him out of the way AND garnering a huge sympathy vote”?

  47. 47
    Ghost of Syd says:

    First rule of politics: Don’t put anything on paper (or email) that you wouldn’t want to see on the front pages (or on Guido).

    CCHQ amateurs.

  48. 48
    Suzanne says:

    Tony you are my hero.

  49. 49
    Suzanne says:

    Katy Price? The Horsewoman and newly married Katy Price? What a treat.

  50. 50
    DelBoy says:

    Where you a Doctor then Moley?

  51. 51
    Engineer says:

    What’s the difference between an off-the-record briefing and a leak? Is the one an official rumour and the other an unofficial rumour?

  52. 52
    DelBoy says:

    Give us our £60 billion back then.

  53. 53
    Sir William Waad says:

    I still think ‘David Cameron’s Conservatives’ sounds like a rock band where the lead singer has become too big for his boots, but I suppose it sets a challenge to Labour to style themselves ‘Incompetent Psychotic Git’s Labour Party’ after the Great Schlemiel.

  54. 54
    Mr Ned says:

    Well telling the whole nation that we cannot go on like this with a BIG FUCK OFF IMAGE of Cameron’s airbrushed mugshot next to the tagline is completely amateurish fuckmuppetry of the highest order. The ONLY possible outcome from that poster was a reduction in the saleability of Cameron and the tories. It was OBVIOUS!

    I cannot believe that the Ad agency involved could have agreed to that poster going up unless they hate the tories too.

    I mean it is advertising 101 stuff. The basics. Do NOT associate your image with a negative message.

    Even if people liked Cameron to begin with, repeatedly seeing his face alongside the message “We cannot go on like this” will, slowly sink into the sub-conscious and turn millions of people off Cameron. It is how the human mind works. It is not magic, or a trick. It is just how we are wired.

    The tories are trying to LOSE the election. They are scared shitless of coming in after this labour created fucktastrophe.

    Or is someone claiming that they are actually trying to win? Because IF they are, they could not be doing a more fucked up, amateurish and stupid job of it.

    If this is how they try to run a winning election campaign, they should NEVER be allowed anywhere near running the country.

    We need to get rid of labour AND the tories!

  55. 55
    Sir William Waad says:

    You can do an off-the-record briefing with your trousers done up.

  56. 56
    Mr Ned says:


  57. 57
    Mr Ned says:

    UKIP is the only Conservative party in the UK today.

  58. 58
    Mr Ned says:

    “More and more big brother BS and more nannying and snooping and taxes and general misery.”

    That is going to be forced upon us by the EU, so whoever wins (unless the massively unlikely UKIP or less likely still, B&P) will implement a Marxist/fascist dictatorship via implementing EU diktat.

  59. 59
    Engineer says:

    The result is usually pretty much the same for most of the electorate, though.

  60. 60
    Thinking of having a STAB at politics says:

    What did they do ?
    sent everyone a picture of Eric Pickles in a posing pouch ?

  61. 61
    Engineer says:

    Here’s another – they’ve already tried that with Bliar and the Middle East. No joy so far.

  62. 62
    jdennis_99 says:

    Ha ha! I’m sure that the politicos are most upset by Guido’s antics – it exposes them for what they are and takes away a little bit of their control.

    Carry on introducing a little anarchy. It’s good for the soul.

  63. 63
    DelBoy says:

    Now you say it, Dave reminds me of Gary Glitter

  64. 64
    Craigoh says:

    Yes, you may well be right.

    My only consolaton is that as an expat Kiwi here, I can always leave and go back to my parochial colonial backwater.

    Trouble is my British missus won’t budge, and I don’t really fancy kidnapping my son…

  65. 65
    Engineer says:

    We have no option but to choose from what’s available, short of starting our own political party, which quite a few have been doing recently. (I was going to start the Apathy Party, but frankly I couldn’t be bothered.)

    So –

    Vote Labour = more debt, leading to collapsed economy.
    Vote Tory = we’re not really sure.
    Vote Lib Dem = even more lefty codswallop.
    Vote UKIP = out of EU (fair enough), then what?
    Vote Green = even more lefty codswallop.
    Vote Independent = fair enough, but no chance of exerting authority.

    Never make a decision until until you have to. The parties have several weeks to get a convincing manifesto out and convince the voters. So far, they aren’t making a very good job of it. Let’s hope that changes, or we do have a quandary.

  66. 66
    Midget says:

    PMQs was dreadful. Brown did not handle Cameron very well.

  67. 67
    Aski1 says:

    Why is Alan Partridge on The Daily Politics thinly disguised as someone called ‘Richard Madely’ ?

  68. 68

    I have a leak: A certain member of the Cabinet was recently admitted to hospital with a large

  69. 69
    Engineer says:

    Not at lunchtime if you don’t mind…..

  70. 70
    Steve Expat says:

    Thank God the Dave has grown a pair for PMQs, Brown looked like he was going to have a heart attack at one point!

    Guido, any update on the very first question, Brown saying he had never heard of the accusation of the £50k private slush fund? Was that a lie to Parliament?

  71. 71
    Engineer says:

    A large what? Hernia from lifting wallet?

  72. 72
    Moatley says:

    he had an open goal and he didn’t fall over
    bit of an improvement for Dave

    the electoral system grab is so laughably opportunistic and obvious though that Ian Duncan Smith could have scored with that one

    Labour bnackbench MPs like first past the post
    lots of unhappy faces when Brown tried to sell AV

  73. 73
    Laughing dwarf says:

    Nokia throwing, should it be recognised as an olympic sport?

  74. 74

    Sorry. Somebody, probably Juicy HQ, just tried to hack my computer and stop me revealing that a member of the Cabinet was admitted to hospital with a large object normally associated with sporting activities shoved very deeply up his

  75. 75

    I reposted this disgusting leak below

  76. 76
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    Kelley’s death really was a defining moment, bringing libertarian right and left together in a common understanding that we’re living in something close to a Nazi state (according to the left) and a Stalinist state (according to the right).

  77. 77
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Leek that needed removing?

  78. 78
    Moatley says:

    more telling was the stony silence from the Labour backbenches whenever Brown brought up the Alternative Vote system

    they don’t like it one bit and are only tolerating this because they assume it’s another ploy to fool the Lib Dems in the event of a hung Parliament

  79. 79

    The Conservatives ought to get over the notion that Libertarian writers such as Guido are “automatically on-message”.

    Should the Tories win – and it is by no means certain – since the GramscoFabiaNazis know how to rig elections for that is their job, libertarians will oppose fascist Tory policies, repression of liberty, and cock-ups by departments, just as forcefully as they do to the impossibly wicked and deliberately evil Labour fascists.

    There are no conditions under which a Cameron government will be able to behave sufficiently differently from a Labour one, as regards increasing individual liberty, lowering taxation to a level we might all reasonably pay, and the execution of monetarist/free market policies.

    To say nothing of the EU, Lisbon ID cards, DNA databases, and statofascist scams like those.

  80. 80
    NorthernGit says:

    nose ?

  81. 81
    Titless says:

    his colleague hazel’s ginger clinkerbox ?

  82. 82
    Spank Sinatra says:

    Rectum? Damned near killed ‘im?

  83. 83
    Steve Expat says:

    Quote of the day from the Shadow Defence Sec Liam Fox responding to Ainsworth:

    “The Government’s debt of £799billion, is equivalent to borrowing of £1,100,000 a day SINCE THE BIRTH OF CHRIST!”


  84. 84
    Damian McBride says:

    If there is a shed load of money going for a being a conspirator, count me in.

    Give me a job.

  85. 85
    Aski1 says:

    He’s the real living breathing Alan Partridge

  86. 86
    Gordon ( SoldGoldAtThe ) BottomBrown says:

    No. Throwing a dwarf or throwing a secretary is as far as I’ll go.

  87. 87
    Nick Robinson says:

    Another confident display from Gordon Brown at PMQ’s today. I’d say he just edged it.

  88. 88
    Steve Expat says:

    Absolutely not!

    Why should we give Gordoom a medal for anything?

  89. 89
    Flat Earther says:

    He was so out of touch I winced.Which pmq’s has he just watched certainly not today’s?
    FFS don’t let him near a football match commentary Labour would win every game regardless of the score.

  90. 90
    Sir Fred Goodwin says:

    And that’s just to pay for my Bonus and pension

  91. 91
    Let them eat Kate says:

    A bloody brilliant idea Damian…

  92. 92
    David Cameron says:

    I rely on Guido for my information

  93. 93
    Jimmy says:

    “You make this blog happen.”

    I demand a retraction. Failing which you will be hearing from my imaginary lawyers.

  94. 94
  95. 95
    bums rush says:

    He’s already got a rusty sheriff’s badge FFS, what more could he ever need?

  96. 96
    At last Cameron scores against the beached whale that is Brown. says:

    Several observations;

    1.) Bercow is getting fat – the wife is obviously on top and not letting him exercise those little legs and stomach muscles.

    2.)Brown is getting fat – shirt buttons straining and a gut showing right across his grotty belly – obviously his wife is so busy in Canterbury that he can’t get any exercise,apart from the sport of beating up women in his office.

    3.)Cameron and the party as a whole (the other Tory MP’s raising questions) did exactly what they should be doing EVERY week – making Brown drown in his own phlegm.

  97. 97
    Bob Ain'tworth-Atoss says:

    Who is Christ ???

  98. 98
    taupepuppet #4 says:

    Me a doctor in belgium

  99. 99

    F**kers, they won’t let me reveal it. Although it was large, plastic and shaped like a

  100. 100
    bog roll says:

    Oh dear, Jimmy’s in between wanks again.

  101. 101
    Koba says:

    Indeed, both are socialist

  102. 102
    Rick Nobinson says:

    Conversely, I think he fudged it.

  103. 103
    yoda says:

    will crucified you be.

  104. 104
    Mr Ned says:

    The English Democrats are far too small an organisation as yet. However, if Scotland gets its independence, then the ED may find themselves swamped with UKIP supporters as the UK will no longer exist.

  105. 105
    GF says:

    Have a T shirt on me.

  106. 106
    Old Nick Heavenly(real dimwit) says:

    Quote from Gordumm

    ‘ I am just turning your money into mine’

  107. 107
    J.Presclott ( five bellies, two Jags & two inches ) says:

    I think Gordon’s caught bulimia off me.

  108. 108
    jgm2 says:

    They would be right. In the event of a hung parliament Brown would just string ‘em along and along and along and the silly little LibDem puppies would just just keep following, their little tongues lolling to one side as Brown kept postponing the referendum until he finally reneged after five years.

    Silly Lib DEms. They deserve everything that’s coming to them if they fall for that thirteen year old Labour lie.

  109. 109
    Christ says:

    Gordon Bown!

  110. 110
    free puppies if you vote labour says:

    Anybody heard anything from Atlas Shrugged recently? I fear the dark forces that the queen talked about have got him.

  111. 111
    genghiz the kahn says:

    deoderant roll on.

  112. 112
    where have all the producers gone says:

    Galt’s Gulch, surely?

  113. 113
    Just Sayng says:

    Two ends of a circle. You go so far in one direction you meet the people who went the other way

  114. 114
    udderly 'orrible says:

    Ah but the Border Police appear, finally, to be getting the (off) message – “Umbongo, umbongo, they kill them in the Congo.”


  115. 115
    Gordon ( SoldGoldAtThe ) BottomBrown says:

    I am the anti-Christ.

    ( That revelation explains an awful lot )

  116. 116
    Stephen Pound, utter cunt says:

    I agree, Guido is aiding the Trotskyists, the Socialists, the closet Communists, the Scotchists, the BBC propagandists, the Zionists, the IRA terrorists, the National Socialists, the Hitlerists, the Gayists, the Buddhists, & the public sector apologists by leaking Tory secrets.

    He must be silenced

  117. 117
    Jus' Sayin' says:

    You are.

  118. 118
    DelBoy says:

    Balls that need removing.

  119. 119
    Moley says:

    The Maximum Imbecile was criticising DC for being in favour of hereditary peers during PMQs. I don’t know whether he is or not, but;

    How many heditary peers have been guilty of expenses irregularities?

    How many politcal appointees have been guilty of expenses irregularities, and who appointed them?

    Would it be true to say that hereditary peers have been an island of probity in a sea of dishonesty?

  120. 120
    DelBoy says:

    Vacuum cleaner?

  121. 121
    South of the M4 says:

    I bet your son will soon beg you to take him out of the UK. Your ‘ parochial colonial backwater ‘ will be very attractive when he concludes that he does not wish to spend his only life taxed to the hilt and living in a communist state.
    I would pack your bags now. Unlike many, you have an escape route. (My kids have already made that connection).

  122. 122
    DelBoy says:

    Cameron was better than recently, but then he could have got any worse.

  123. 123
    smig says:

    Damian! Step away from the computer. A kid’s been sick in the dining hall.

    Go clean it up, there’s a good lad.

  124. 124
    The Admiral says:

    Thats almost as bad. And I haven’t even watched it…

  125. 125
    Gordon Brown's Press Officer says:

    Gordon Brown has denied troops were sent to Iraq and Afghanistan without the equipment they needed.
    He said, “Two containers of sticks with shit on the end should be more than ample to beat up a bunch of sand monkeys.”

  126. 126
    Vote Vote Vote for Jacqui. says:

    Why is SixBellies wearing her hair in the Pudsey Bear style?
    One of her eyes is covered by this over extended fringe. Could
    have her nice Porno watching(On Her Expenses)Husband have
    given her a dig? I do hope so.

  127. 127
    grobdj says:


  128. 128
    City of Vice says:

    So true, except Cameron is making a poorer fist of it than Osborne.

    The problem with Cameron is not he’s stupid – he clearly isn’t . Rather, he just doesn’t get it. Dave needs to wake up and start living in the real world. He has surrounded himself with vacuous PR men and professional policy wonk types at CCHQ many of whom have never done a proper job in their life. The ‘David Cameron’s conservatives’ poster fiasco is perhaps the low point in this series of incompetences.

    Most of us hate Labour and Brown with a passion that Cameron simply cannot imagine, and I speak as one who has never been a member of any political party. Labour has wrecked the country and it’s finances and we demand vengeance – red meat policies not watered down focus group shit. We don’t want green climate change bollocks or policy shifts designed to assuage ‘progressive’ metropolitan trendies.

    Put simply. we’ve had enough of Brown and Labour’s overblown, authoritarian, incompetent and corrupt quangocracy and demand that the Tories make clear that they will taken an axe to it without mercy – cut, cut, and cut again. Terminate with extreme prejudice, no sacred cows. We certainly don’t want simply to swap Labour jobsworths and PR politicos for Tory ones.

    Every time Cameron misses an open goal at question time, or backtracks on the severity of the cuts that are needed we groan in despair, as this is akin to giving succour to the Nulab enemy. You don’t take a knife to a gunfight and the Labour establishment will continue to lie, cheat and fight dirty as they have little else to offer. Cameron needs to up his game. The Tories need to remove the fat trougher Pickles from public view (in any event keep him off the telly). Dump the PR bullshitters and get stuck in.

  129. 129
    concrete pump says:

    Fire extinguisher ?

  130. 130
    My Name is Mister Raj, I put zip in trouser for 50p says:

    Very true very true

  131. 131
    Joey Joe Joe says:

    Clumsy as the Cons are from time to time, I’d rather have them in power than the right bunch of c/nts we have right now. Brown was spectacularly shit even by his own standards at PMQs today. He lied and obfuscated on every question. Cameron was sharp, Brown looked like a special needs boy struggling to cope.

  132. 132
    CCHQ says:

    Very good of you to notice, we always value your input…….????

  133. 133
    jgm2 says:

    Aye. And while you’re up off your arse the rat-motels behind the bins need repleneshing with bait.

  134. 134
    cant hunter says:

    I’m sorry, but your missus must be really clueless.

  135. 135
    City of Vice says:

    Agree. The fat trougher pickles is a liability. For goodness sake keep him off the telly! He’s like Prescott without the comedy value.

  136. 136
    Joey Joe Joe says:

    Can you blame the poor sod for knocking one out to a porno flick? Imagine climbing into bed with that moose. The last time they shagged was probably when Cannon & Ball were still on TV.

  137. 137
    care in the community says:

    He is a special needs boy struggling to cope.

  138. 138
    Joey Joe Joe says:

    Bercow’s wife is hot totty. Wish I’d known her back in her more frisky days when she shagged like a rabbit on heat.

  139. 139
    Australian says:


  140. 140
    cant hunter says:

    Did my eyes deceive me, or was John Redwood sitting on the opposition front bench( following PMQs) for the Defence debate.

  141. 141
    Joey Joe Joe says:

    Yes, you’re quite right. Poor Sarah. I wonder if she’s counting the days to the election defeat, when she can finally have the quickie divorce and be shot of her short-lived career as a political beard.

  142. 142
    DelBoy says:


  143. 143
    Jus Wondering says:

    I always thought they put pieces of pork on the end of their sticks.

  144. 144
    Robert Catesby says:

    My best mate went to London and all he brought me back was this shite T-shirt.

  145. 145
    Joey Joe Joe says:

    Gordo will go down as the most worthless, incompetent PM in history. And he’ll only be remembered, if at all, for one thing:

  146. 146
    Tony B Liar says:

    What is important is, is what is important is.

  147. 147
    The Dirty Rat says:

    Does your mother keep dripping?

  148. 148
    The Dirty Rat says:

    I hope he was closely watched when he went through the Green Room and his carrier bags searched at the exit.

  149. 149
    George Osborne says:

    I was having sex the other day and then i heard the three worst words ever!

    Honey I’m Home!

  150. 150
    anon,anon,anon.... says:

    Brilliant performance on PMQs Jacqui. Keep sucking

  151. 151
    The Dirty Rat says:

    Space hopper?

  152. 152
    anon,anon,anon.... says:

    Louise Perrett, who worked as a case owner at the Border Agency office in Cardiff for three and a half months last summer, claims staff kept a stuffed gorilla, a “grant monkey”, which was placed as a badge of shame on the desk of any officer who approved an asylum application.

  153. 153

    An onanist’s lot is a lonely one.

  154. 154
    Gordon Brown's Press Officer says:

    Attention Guido Fawkes

    Strictly Private & Confidential

    The Treasury is expecting to take much less from the new 50% rate of income tax than it first estimated, according to Treasury minister Lord Myners.

    Speaking in the House of Lords yesterday the financial services secretary said the rate would still be beneficial in terms revenues, but suggested the full extent to which tax payers would avoid the new rate had not been correctly gauged in advance.

  155. 155

    He’s taking an industrial-sized holiday in a prison complex. Back soon.

  156. 156

    And put the baster on eBay.

  157. 157
    Michael Ashcroft says:

    I know a thing or two about this 50% tax rate,damn nuisance it is too.

    I use a number ofstrategies to avoid the tax. One involves leaving income within a company to be drawn down later. Others include receiving pay rises to compensate for the increased rate, moving overseas of chanelling money through charitable donations

  158. 158
    jgm2 says:

    Including, in my wife’s case, simply quitting work all together.

    Fuck you very much and goodnight.

  159. 159
    Jenson Buttons posing pouch says:

    I wish the gulping monocular fuck bucket would fuck off to Valencia and wish Ferrari all the best for the upcoming season.

  160. 160
    The Director of Politically Correct ‘n Convenient Troof at AlJaBeeba, - the Brhoon ‘n Bollocks C***s says:

    (following colloquial fashion – or it may Gordy)

    Our Glorious and Beloved Leader – He am de Main Man – and Him am ova da Camerhoon geeza



  161. 161
    Titless says:

    bad mould of clare short’s hairlip

  162. 162
    jgm2 says:

    But who’d want to buy the bastard?

    Oh. Baster.


  163. 163
    Chunky (the man with the pineapple bollocks) says:

    Fuck me, this is like a Two Ronnies bar sketch.

  164. 164
    anon,anon,anon.... says:

    It was Gordon’s idea.

    Having been the first major head of government to bring climate change to the top of the international political agenda at the Gleneagles G8 summit in 2005, Tony Blair is now leading the Breaking the Climate Deadlock’ initiative, a strategic partnership with The Climate Group, through which he is working with world leaders to bring consensus on a new and comprehensive international climate policy framework.

  165. 165
    South of the M4 says:

    I can assure you there are several things that I will remember the lying, cheating,
    deceitful *astard for. But your point will indeed be the most memorable – given that the twat does not explode on election night.

  166. 166
    TheCourtOfPublicOpinion says:

    Lest we forget:


    Hopefully a greedy thieving trougher will be exposed each week until Mays Doomsday, keeping the public well aware of exactly the kind of scum that is asking for their vote.

  167. 167
    Lord Mine - All Mina's says:

    It’s all M I N E – M I NE I TELL ‘eee

    the dosh

    the entite . . . enterl . . gongs

    and stuff

    i only wish oi had ‘of’ taken more when i could.

  168. 168
    concrete pump says:

    The hate and intolerance police are on their way.

  169. 169
    northernperson says:

    relative of donald fuckaduck

  170. 170
    she mentioned size of organ, I admitted I'd never played a cathedral before says:

    Sally Ally has teeth like a row of shit house doors

  171. 171
    David Cameron says:

    Tally Ho chaps

    Pass the stirrup cup please George my man

  172. 172
    caesars wife says:

    a few ups and downs along the road Guido , to making numero uno political blog happen , but appreciate/respect your stance .

    Nice to see Dave back on form with some interesting mixes , fell out of chair when Jeremy Hunt showed redacted tax payer funded report to liam bryne , that osborne had fielded in topical questions yesterday . Some conservative backbench questions were damaging also .

  173. 173
    don't exclude the kids says:

    And just so the kids can understand the loathing & disgust

  174. 174
    anon,anon,anon.... says:

    Whenever Gordon starts spouting tractor stats the Tories should murmur ” Tractors Tractors Tractors” The public will then want to know what’s being said and why.

  175. 175
    D Attenborough says:

    Gorillas are apes, not monkeys.

  176. 176
    Turdogram says:

    You have to laugh at Brown’s PMQ performances…clinging desperately to the wreckage of his record..never answers a question..doing the job… fish fingers for tea again tonight… oh yawn f’ing yawn save us from this creepy bloater.

  177. 177
    96 year old miffed says:

    you’re on early today……. have you double parked the dustcart ?

  178. 178
    Tuscan Tit says:

    enough about you and your wanking habit Tony

  179. 179
    Cheese Lover says:

    Interesting comment here. Reference blogging during the election campaign:


  180. 180
    Lisbon says:

    Why does Theresa May keep wearing that stupid grey top ?

    She looks like the shrewish pissed off wife of one of those Sontaran alien chappies from Dr Who

  181. 181
    South of the M4 says:

    To police it would require an army of bed wetters and pen pushers………………..

  182. 182
    Carlos says:

    A quick note for Old Holborn, and anyone else who was concerned about my dining arrangments…..

    Sorry to have missed the PMQs shindig, but I was rather busy all morning. Lunch was a very pleasant slice of chorizo tortilla from my favourite Spanish deli. Top nommage.

  183. 183
    TheCourtOfPublicOpinion says:

    Yeah that made me laugh … I thought things were about to get more exciting than a trip to Tesco with Richard Madeley. Nice to see such a heavyweight political figure available to replace toenails, and especially nice to see him without his granny for once.

  184. 184

    Afternoon Maguire: lingually sampled any good fenestrations recently?

  185. 185
    SpAdHain David Taylor says:

    Trust me.

    I am a Total Leek.

  186. 186

    “if everything I did was made public, there would be no embarrassment.”

    Much money in flashing these days, Moley?

  187. 187
    Ringo says:

    I would like to apologise to your Son for saying The Beatles were more important than Him. Now I’ve found You will You let me in?

  188. 188
    HandsomeDavid says:

    China has 30,000 police dedicated to policing the internet. Could never happen here – could it?

    Home to the largest concentration of cctv’s in the world.

  189. 189
    angelnstar says:


    Tony Blair gets Best Actor nom. for his part in the gripping sleazy thriller “The Chilcot Inquiry”. “The role was considered to be unplayable, but he made it work.” said De Niro admiringly. Read about the scripts Hollywood agents are rushing to put before the British actor. http://cyberboris.wordpress.com/2010/02/02/oscar-nominations/

  190. 190
    Simple Simon ( no I dont want to be Birmingham's mayor) says:

    Why can’t Dave ask ” Do you still think it was the right thing to do to sell off UK’s gold stocks at the bottom of the market?”
    And have today’s valuation ready for the follow up.

    All the plebs are selling off their gold now and this would resonate with them

  191. 191
    Sir William Waad says:

    Mike Dolley
    Fell of his trolley
    When he found his confidential email
    Had been leaked by some male or female.

  192. 192

    Some dog…some bollocks

  193. 193
    Infanta of Castile says:

    Unfortunately, the PMQ format depends on a competent, unbiased speaker to prevent it becoming an opportunity for the PM to start spouting anything about the opposition which comes into his head as there is no right of reply for the questioner. Suitable responses to Brown’s drivel about hereditaries would have included reference to the vast number of cronies and donors handed peerages since 97 and the imposition of unelected ministers e.g. the Lord High Everything, Baroness Scotland, Baroness Kinnock as well as attempts to create familial right to membership of the commons via the allocation of safe Labour seats to selected dynasties – although that went slightly wrong in Crewe.

  194. 194
    Frodo Mandelson and the Ring of Power says:

    “So true, except Cameron is making a poorer fist of it than Osborne.”

    Did someone say fist?

  195. 195
    Anon says:

    If they get sheep to sign their memos etc,etc.

  196. 196
    smig says:

    shaped like a….

    Windowlickers Bellend

  197. 197
    Steve Expat says:

    The plebs are selling their gold at the TOP of the market – Gordoom Broon sold OUT gold at the BOTTOM of the market!

    From memory, if they had sold the same gold today they would be up to £5bn better off than they were!

  198. 198
    Jerry Attrick says:

    Get yourself a proxy server just in case

  199. 199
    smig says:

    Not got a habit.

    I’ve got a wanking wimple for special occasions

  200. 200
    jgm2 says:

    5bn? Fucking peanuts. Brown will squander that between now and Valentine’s Day. And we won’t even get a fucking box of chocolates to show for it.

    The useless, incompetent, economy-wrecking c*nt.

  201. 201
    South of the M4 says:

    On a relative population ratio the UK would need <2000. Hhmmm.

  202. 202
    Steve Expat says:

    Ha ha ha – Eric Pickles has written a formal letter to Mr Bron, accusing him of misleading Parliament :-) Complaint also to John Lyon from Greg Hands MP.


  203. 203
  204. 204
    Sir William Waad says:

    Even I would notice seven thousand pounds going into my bank account, especially as it would be far too small for a Single Payment Scheme subsidy.

  205. 205
    Jerry Attrick says:

    O/T. Pickles has written to Brown


  206. 206
    Yum, yum Bush meat says:

    In Bapile, a celebrated hunting village 50 miles west, Louis Eno, 42, introduces himself as the “bete noire” of gorillas. Unlike Pascal, he is familiar with western sensibilities. “But gorilla meat is good; gorillas are animals – if not they’d be living in the village,”

  207. 207
    Jackboot Jacqui says:

    Well, I’m going to need a new ‘job’ after my constituents throw me out. House of Lords, please, so I can keep slurping on the State teat !

  208. 208
    jgm2 says:


    Both barrels for the ‘Lying Scotsman.’

  209. 209
    Non_Calc_Up_Jumper says:

    That’s merely 365.25 x 2010 x 1.1 with answer in millions (807,567.75).

    Bit generous though not to charge interest for all that time……

  210. 210
    T.B£iar - the People's Messiah says:

    Chilcott Inquiry ? Chilcott Inquiry ??

    I thought it was the Chocolate Inquiry because I was so smooth, sugary sweet and dark coloured ??

  211. 211
  212. 212
    Big Al says:

    Quick, buy Nokia shares. This is also likely to result in a queue of physically abused secretaries at the local A & E.

  213. 213
    Pedant says:

    No, a drip is evidence of a leak.

  214. 214
    Simple Simon ( no I dont want to be Birmingham's mayor) says:


  215. 215
    Steve Expat says:

    Correct. The problem is that people don’t think in numbers so large and this quote puts it into perspective in numbers that people do understand – and must think are truly shocking!

  216. 216
    Craigoh says:

    Apology acccepted CH, and well, hmm… what can I say…

  217. 217
    Joe Public says:

    How is it that David Cameron is so effectively fighting on Labour’s own terms. Rather than continuously pointing out all the governments faults and constantly drilling into the electorate how bad this lot really are, he simply gets caught trying to make guarantees and pledges he later reverses and promises he can’t fund. He needs to change the narrative and start to fight to his strengths. 13 years of a Labour government and he can’t find any point of weakness in their armour? Stop trying to be all things to all people and start hitting those populist Tory messages.

    Promise a referendum on Lisbon, so what if he can’t actually drag us out. If the public decided that’s the policy they want then let them have it. At least he has the flipping mandate either way!

    Save our armed forces. Fight back against the complete lie that “we HAVE to work with our EU friends if we want to provide an effective force!

    Be explicit about health. Yes there will be cuts but not ONE front line role will go.

    Education is a shambles. Re-introduce comprehensive streaming and vocational schools. It’s not about Elitism it’s about helping the kids do what they are good at.

    Plus anything else that will win votes. Oh and whilst we’re at it create a rapid rebuttal unit aka Labour 1997. That stuff works.

    Finally attack, attack, attack.! No more Mister Nice Green Tory, take off the gloves and start giving the clunking fist a thump.

  218. 218
    bathplug88p says:

    House of Lords was never designed for Ladies of ill repute or worse, so back into your kitchen, cow.

  219. 219
    udderly 'orrible says:

    You missed the Warmists

  220. 220

    After consultation with chaps at Spookadilly Circus, I have been allowed to leak the following:

    ___ Darling ____ admitted to hospital ____ canoe ____ ___ ____ ____

    ___ _____ ___ duct _____ _____ ___ masking tape _____ sadly,

    despite strenuous ________ not be removed

  221. 221
    Anon says:

    Who in the BBC is pushing this hasbeen? Didn’t even bother to have a proper shave!

  222. 222
    caesars wife says:

    I keep getting ticketed for bin emptying , usually with a large fine being mooted

  223. 223
    Thats MISTER pleb to you says:

    ‘Labour Party’ morphed into ‘New Labour’ = national disaster,
    ‘Conservative Party’ morph into ‘David Cameron’s Conservatives’ = ….

  224. 224
    Odds Bodkins says:

    Thats a fucking big payroll. They’ve got some money those buggers.

  225. 225
    Thats MISTER pleb to you says:

    Oooh, I have so much to learn, master!

  226. 226
    Thats MISTER pleb to you says:

    If he could’nt make it, they had Tinky Winky lined up!

  227. 227
    Thats MISTER pleb to you says:

    I recently saw Pickles being chewed-up by Paxman (I think), and it was REALLY pathetic! Lock him in the cellar until after the election, FFS!

  228. 228
    Thats MISTER pleb to you says:

    New Labour and David Cameron’s Conservatives are so similar that I suppose you have to forgive them for getting confused.

  229. 229
    Thats MISTER pleb to you says:

    Oh yes! I really like that one, maby we could start it nationwide, and whenever anybody heard Gordo spouting his stats, on the news etc, everyone muttered “tractors, Tractors,” the advisors might stop him using this crappy tactic. Then all he could do is throw Nocias….

  230. 230

    “To: Battleground Directors”

    What the fucking fuck?

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Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”

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