January 27th, 2010

PMQs : Chaytor is Third on the Question List

Disgraced mega-troughing MP David Chaytor is down for the third question on the order paper for this mornings Hague and Hattie show.  Guido wonders what his question will be about:

  • Crime?
  • Housing?
  • The family?
  • Mortgage rates?
  • Sentencing policy?
  • Prison building?

Or just another planted question from a disgrace to parliament?

Brown is staying in Belfast where apparently he can’t be spared from negotiations. Nothing to do with the disappointing GDP figures yesterday. He can’t run away from the election…


221 Comments

  1. 1
    La' says:

    Labour= Utter incompetence.

  2. 2
    quiller says:

    I live in Belfast, now wheres my body armour because with his luck…………

  3. 3
    Sir William Waad says:

    Hmmm….let me think….it’s tricky one. Could be….but then….on the other hand….heck, let’s just follow a hunch. It’ll be a planted question.

  4. 4
    The ghost of Mo says:

    Brown is still in Northern Ireland?

    Have the provos got him banged up in a lonely farmhouse?

    Let’s hope so.

  5. 5
    rocknrolla says:

    Assuming he doesn’t try to run-away from the election and actually allows one (and with Lord Mandelscum in attendance anything is possible) watching Brown lose will be so sweet. Loved seeing Labour beaten by UKIP, will be far better in the general. He sold all the gold, stole pensions, turned this country into a crime-ridden multi-cultural nightmare and left us with billions of debt – he’s an utter disgrace. At least we’ll know he’ll spend the rest of his life tormented by what a failure he is.

  6. 6
    David Chaytor says:

    Will my right honourable friend join with me in welcoming the economic recovery we have seen that has happened only due to labour investment not tory cuts? Debt levels are at historic lows. We are the party of the many not the few.

    Will that be acceptable Lord Mandelson? Or want me to toss in some references to David Cameron’s childhood?

  7. 7
    Labour Nepotism says:

    IHT

  8. 8
    It's all Balls says:

    “Does my right honourable friend agree with me that it is positively outrageous that MP’s to face the risk of fraud charges for doing no more than setting up private tenancy arrangements with a family member, eg a daughter?”

    “I also refer my honourable friend to the article in The Times and request that the press should be embargoed from reporting on private matters pertaining to MP’s in the future.”

    http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/politics/article6999858.ece

  9. 9
    Postal Vote says:

    Indeed, Mr No-Boom-Just-Bust is not shunning PMQs after yesterday’s GDP no-bounce-so-there-won’t-be-a-double-dip figures. He’s just trying to dress himself up as statesman while beeb and guardian are trying to paint Cameron as demolisher of peace process.

    By the way, a company heavily involved in electronic voting and counting postal votes is based in Northern Ireland. Maybe Brown is visiting that company as well. It might come in handy …..

  10. 10
    Anonymous says:

    Are you joking? This twat is pathologically incapable of accepting anything to do with reality.

  11. 11
    Infanta of Castile says:

    I would like to draw my right honourable friend’s attention to the sterling work being done in my constituency under the banner of the [ enter whatever Government project you like]. This Government investment has enabled hard-working single mothers in my constituency to exercise their choice to have more children without the constraint of asking the fathers of the children to cough up any money for their support whereas, if the party opposite had been in power, these children would have starved in the gutter and been denied access to a world class education with the fantastic job opportunities which this government has created through its investment. I invite my hon friend to agree that, under the regime of the party opposite, these children would be denied the chance to have child Trust funds, that is money taken off current bloated taxpayers and held in accounts for the next 18 years so that they can then exercise their human right spend it in the country to which their parents have returned because the UK is no longer such an attractive place for them to live in.

  12. 12
    roboknob says:

    Shouldn’t he be in prison and dropping bars of soap in the shower?

  13. 13
    The IMF is coming says:

    ‘Will my right honourable friend join with me in welcoming the news that the PM has saved NI, having just saved the UK economy.’

  14. 14

    Brown is the most pathetic coward. Hiding in NI ffs, hiding from his pathetic 0.1%. What a snivelling shit that man is.

    I will fight any man who says they hate him more than I do. I hate him most!!! and dont’ you forget it.

  15. 15
    BBC says:

    Actually there was a 0.1% increase, therefore we are out of recession.

    The Labour government has spent a lot of money to make this happen. Keynes is vindicated and spending out of debt works. Now the question is, have the tories really changed? Is Cameron a racist?

  16. 16
    Gordon Brown says:

    I saved the world.

  17. 17
    Glen Rothes says:

    Voting fraud cudna happen here laddie

  18. 18
    Anonymous says:

    #Brown-the-robbing ran away, away. Brownly ran away, away… When stagflation reared its ugly head, He brownly turned his tail and fled#

  19. 19
    D.Cheater says:

    Thank you, Mr. Speaker. I’m sure the whole House will join me in condemning all those cynical people up and down the Country who insist on pronouncing my surname as ‘Cheater’.
    I wish it to be known that I claim the Jackass Straw defence, ‘Accountancy is not my strongest suit’.

  20. 20
    Mr Plum says:

    Cameron prepares Bercow for fireworks at todays pmq’s

  21. 21
    It's all Balls says:

    The recovery started in America

  22. 22
    Sarah Brown says:

    Don’t forget the girls!!!??!!!

  23. 23
    MI5 says:

    Question is…

    How far will the economy collapse when it taken off QE life support ?

    That will be the yardstrick by which to judge Zanu Labour…

    No government in British history has bequeathed doubled national debt and an economy on life support to the nex generation..

  24. 24
    Postal Vote says:

    By the way, were there no Cooper soundbites to report following yesterday’s GDP no-bounce-so-there-won’t-be-a-double-dip figures? Then the figures really disappointed the true believers!

    I did not come across any reports about cancelled media engagements yesterday >> is the stats office still allowed to pass most of the figures to ministers in advance of official release, so ministers knew beforehand that the figures wouldn’t provide the platform to launch election campaign on?

  25. 25
    Up sh1t creek says:

    I wonder if the Daily Politics today will make a mention that when the going gets tough, Gordon Brown always bottles PMQs?

  26. 26
    Sick of the Lies and Greed says:

    I think you will find he “saved the world”. I think they are doing a remake of “The Incredibles” with him as a Cameo character that saves the world from vicious Bankers. or was that spelt with a “W”?

  27. 27
    Tom Logan, Institute for Studies says:

    Id fight you if it wasnt for this chesty cough i have and that is entirely the Maximum Imbeciles fault, he has a way with viruses and such.

    I pretty sure i detest him more than you do, however we should not be divided and we should unite against our common enemy, The Judean Peoples front!

  28. 28
    Mad Nads is NOT a Disgraced mega-trougher says:

    So she’s under Parliamentary investigation for standards because of her sleaze

    And she claimed £24,222 for a second home piggery

    And she was using taxpayers money to employ her daughter on a salary of £28,000 after previously employing her eldest daughter in her office.

    And she claimed £20,000 in office expenses for work undertaken by a media relations and public affairs company

    So fucking what?

    She can’t be a Porkbusting Piggy if she’s a friend of Mr Fawkes
    Obvious innit?

  29. 29
    Man With A Very Hot Bladder says:

    Don’t you mean “a disgrace to a disgrace of a parliament”?

  30. 30
    P. Viggers says:

    troughing bastards

  31. 31
    Up sh1t creek says:

    He’s gone to a nut house to have his meds checked over before the general election campaign.

  32. 32
    David Cheater says:

    “Now that the economy has dramatically bounced back from recession into double digit growth of 0.10% will the right honourable agree that this is now the time to quadruple MP’s expenses and double MP’s salaries and put CCTV cameras in election booths so a law to make it illegal for anyone to vote Tory at the fothcoming election can be enforced”

    Hear hear, hear hear , oink, oink, oink, oink, pork scratchings, oink oink oink, hear hear, chicken itchings , oink oink oink

  33. 33
    drakes drum says:

    This discredited, dishonourable man asked a question of Brown last week. He must either have a season ticket or Brown wanted him to speak to hide the fact that our Prime Minister had to pay back thousands himself!!!!!!

  34. 34
    A. Steen says:

    a lower class of oiky piggy
    some people say it looks like no morals, but it does me nicely

  35. 35
    Up sh1t creek says:

    The whole New Labour cartel are incapable of taking the blame for anything.

    Look how they STILL 13 years later say problem xyz is the fault of the Conservatives….. but for 13 years this alleged problem existed under New Labour, they chose to do…… nothing!

  36. 36
    Thunderbox says:

    Bare knuckles or pistols? I’d even fight harder for the right to use both on McDoom.

  37. 37
    Hattie says:

    I am wondering whether to wear a trouser suit or skirt at PMQ’s.

    What does the Court of Public Opinion think?

  38. 38
    GORDON I'M McBUST says:

    Hague should ask him if he knows his daughters name yet ?

  39. 39
    Harridan Harpoison says:

    I welcome my ‘honourable’ friend’s completely unplanted question. I can confirm that the Party opposite would, if they had been in government, have had children of lone parents exported to Haiti where they would have perished in that terrible earthquake recently. Only a Labour government can protect hard-working families whereas we all know, the Tories are the do-nothing Party.

    WE are getting on with the job

  40. 40
    George Osborne says:

    I took viagra with my vindaloo last night.
    It made me shit hot in bed.

  41. 41
    David Cheater says:

    If every grain of sand, every drop of water and every star in the sky were added up and then quadrupled 175 billion times it would not come close to how much I detest the shit of a PM and his cohorts.

    Will that do?

  42. 42
    The Conversation says:

    “Hi Gerry – its Gordon here”

    “Oh Gordon hi – everything going well this end”

    “Ah,that’s what I wanted to have a chat about – any chance that things could get a little smelly over in Belfast? perhaps smelly enough that I need to come over for a few days?”

    “Well,I suppose we could engineer a few issues”

    “Or what about a massive problem that needs me,the saviour of the world,to arrive and sort it all out – I am sure we can agree a future er decoration for you…”

    “Okay Gordon,I’ll get on to it right away”.

    “Sarah – pack my bags and eye-ron my only shirt – I am off to have a Guinness or two for a few days”

    “But darling,what about PMQ’s?

    “Exactly,what about it,dear – that witch can cover me – I’m off”

  43. 43
    GORDON I'M McBUST says:

    How about a shroud ?

  44. 44
    MI5 says:

    and Millibanana is in Kosovo or Serbia ?

    Does he know the difference ???

  45. 45
    LET THE GAME BEGIN says:

    Brown had nothing to do with the peace talks in Northern Ireland so for it to be claimed that he is indispensable to them now is of course absurd.
    !) Brown goes missing from PMQ’s for no good reason.
    2) The BBC reported yesterday literally every two minutes that we are out of recession and are provideing free propaganda to the Labour party because of 3).
    3) Labour do not have a post to piss in and have no money for a campaign.
    4) The Conservatives have 18 million pounds for a campaign.
    5) The more people see Gordon Brown and Ed Balls the more they realise what a pair of the Hills have Eyes fucking weird perverse useless weirdos they are.
    6) If the econoomy contracts by even 0.0000001 in the next quarter the game is well and truly up for Gordon Brown.
    7) Gordon Brown is a coward and by calling it early he will give the false appearance that he is not.
    8) The body count in Afghanistan is rising exponentially and the Taliban are planning a spring offensive which will make that curve go through the fucking roof.
    All of these factors mean a General Election will be held in March.
    Brown will return from Northern Ireland and whether or not the Orange Men and the IRA Sin Fein have come to an agreement regarding policing in Brown will spin it that they have and he will name March as the month for the General Election.

  46. 46
    European Court of Public Opinion says:

    Wear the stab vest you usually put on when you’re out and about in Peckham.

  47. 47
    Postal Vote says:

    Mr. or Ms. Beeb, you are
    -on message
    -walking and talking the party line
    -on the same page as Mr. No-Boom-Just-Bust

    You will certanily be rewarded:
    -If you are a medium-ranked labour MP, whip Brown will endorse you for her majesty’s oppo, or, in case labour really shoot the ligths out with postal votes, you will become minister.
    -If you are a party worker, you will become a candiate in a not too challenging constituency, certainly if you are economical with the truth about your degress like Ms. Bercow.

    I’m just happy that I will not be subject to your rule or your oppo, and even more happy not to contribute to your pension and expenses!

    Wooh, will get some sailing in later today!

  48. 48
    Charlie says:

    and what dope he is on…

  49. 49
    Cracks in the dogma? says:

    Off Topic: Concerning global Warming.

    Interesting article in today’s Daily Telegraph on how the Government’s chief scientific adviser, John Beddington, says that there should be more openness in the Climate Change debate. This will come as a shock to all those politicians who have been peddling the notion that the “science was settled”. What now Ed Miliband – honesty at last?

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/earth/environment/climatechange/7081039/John-Beddington-chief-scientist-says-climate-change-sceptics-should-not-be-dismissed.html

  50. 50
    The IMF is coming says:

    The NI talks ended hours ago (probably in disagreement).
    They are all holed up in the room as ‘security’ can’t find the key to the room until 11.55 today

  51. 51
    Charlie says:

    It made you shit in bed I suppose…

    You really are a deviant specimen you know…

  52. 52
    TheCourtOfPublicOpinion says:

    “Would the Prime Minister agree with me that all I need to do is offer a fivebellies style pretend apology to the house and I can keep the loot with no questions asked?”

  53. 53

    OT

    Gordon the Moron was at Crystal Palace last summer.

    http://donottrustthesepeople.blogspot.com/2010/01/jonah-jinxes-jobs.html

    Jonah Jinxes Jobs!

  54. 54
    Cheese Lover says:

    Another Labour created outfit that needs demolishing as soon as the Conservatives return:
    “Supreme Court quashes Treasury terror ‘asset’ order ”

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/8482630.stm

  55. 55
    Theresa May says:

    Deep sea diving suit?

  56. 56
    The PM shouldn't be disturbed but this cunt is says:

    Is my right honourable friend aware of the simply jaw dropping sums some of us NaziLabourites have defrauded the taxpayers of?

  57. 57

    Is there any real proof that the pant-pissing, snot gobbling, psycho Cyclops is actually attending and fully participating in these talks? Could it be a cover for him to be getting medical treatment?

  58. 58
    violet says:

    It takes 3 quarters of growth to be out of recession.

    This ‘growth’ is statistically insignificant.

    You forgot to mention that it is Tory policy to boil the babies of the poor for dog food.

  59. 59
    Utter the word says:

    While the plebs get stabbed.

    An utter utter utter utter c*unt is Harman.

  60. 60
    jgm2 says:

    Maybe he’s the only one who will agree to ask a (planted) question. Or the only one who can be black-mailed to ask a (planted) question. None of the rest of the Labour MPs want any association with Brown. They don’t want to risk their constituents seeing ‘em on TV even speaking to Brown.

  61. 61
    The IMF is coming says:

    “Can my right honourable friend confirm that every postal voter will recieve a free bottle of Buckfast, as per usual?’

  62. 62
    Left a bit,right a bit. says:

    Perhaps the Real IRA want to try out a new Barratt Long Range Snipers Rifle and they are clean out of pineapples.

  63. 63
    Spank Sinatra says:

    Close, but sorry. no cigar!

  64. 64
    Sir William Waad says:

    The ‘naughty defendant’ outfit, please.

  65. 65
    bergen says:

    I was interested in hearing Stephanie Flanders saying that the figures could be revised upwards.She didn’t mention downwards strangely enough.

  66. 66
    anon says:

    I am really scared at Gordons prolonged appearance in Belfast.

    Given his track record as a complete Jonah I expect the Semtex is already being ordered.

    The people of Ireland on both sides have suffered enough – please get Brown out of Ireland as soon as possible.

    I am genuinely afraid of the consequences of him being here.

  67. 67
    Sir William Waad says:

    It seems to be defending individual rights, especially the right not to be penalised by administrative order.

  68. 68
    jgm2 says:

    Sooner there than here.

  69. 69
    Gordon Brown says:

    I freely chose to pay the money back because it was the right thing to do and I’m a son of the Manse, even so the peasants ought to be paying for my cleaner and my sky sports subscription.

  70. 70
    jgm2 says:

    Sackcloth and ashes.

  71. 71

    “I resign hence with and depart from my uber-troughing ways wearing sackcloth and shame spending the rest of my life paying back all the illicitly acquired taxpayers money I have selfishly spent upon myself”.

    Ah no, he’s Liebourscum: they “don’t do resignation”.

  72. 72
    the Supreme Court says:

    Government measures to freeze the assets of people suspected of terrorist involvement were overturned by the Supreme Court today.
    The court allowed a challenge by five men who have had all their assets frozen under an order brought in by Gordon Brown when he was Chancellor without a vote in Parliament.

    http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/supreme-court-overturns-terror-asset-seizures-1880347.html

  73. 73
    Gonk says:

    If Dave doesn’t show some real
    spite and aggression today I’m turning off
    and I’m going to smash the shed up.
    Then I’m putting the house up for sale and
    emigrating. Still think America best bet despite
    horrific “Detroit donkey crap”story of few weeks backs.
    Good morning.

  74. 74
    Ozzy says:

    Yeah OK, it was me who led the whole fucking country into unprecedented levels of debt, not Gordon. I’ve been in charge of the country’s finances for the last 12 years, not Gordon. I’m the one who is a pathological liar, not Gordon…..etc.

  75. 75
    Rip Van Winkle says:

    ‘He can’t run away from the election…’

    Want a bet????

  76. 76
    Tennerpants. says:

    Right! I would eat my own family and some of my friends just to prove I hate him even more than any of you lot, I would even stop eating chips and self flagellating just to prove my loathing of the man. I would…fuck, I’ve just bitten me tounge off, …..nurse!!!

  77. 77
    Anonymous says:

    I thought you’d be wearing the emperor’s clothes, as Gordon is away saving Ireland.

  78. 78
    on the buses says:

    If you’re talking about PMQ’s, it’s the Hague/ Hattie show today innit?

  79. 79

    So what are you saying, that you quite like him? You *love* him. He’s your best friend.

  80. 80
    Mr Ned says:

    Kosovo is the place where we funded, armed and trained Al Qaeda terrorists to be freedom fighters under the name: KLA.

  81. 81
    julian gardner says:

    Hmmm “Erin Gray – Colonel Wilma Deering”

    joolz

  82. 82
    Groucho says:

    Yes, a visit from Gordon should put the peace process back a couple of decades.

  83. 83
    Gok Wanker says:

    Agggh! What a sight!

  84. 84
    jgm2 says:

    That list so far:

    A) It was Maggies fault
    B) It was the bankers – although that was Maggies fault too
    C) It was the Americans – more specifically Ronald Reagan or George W Bush
    D) It was Blair’s fault
    E) It was the oppositions fault because they’d have done the same thing. Or worse. Probably
    F) It was somebody elses fault and I have dealt with the person reponsible.
    G) It is time to move on. Lessons have been learned.
    H) I am setting up a commission/enquiry to find me not guilty of anything
    I) It’s your fault for misunderstanding me. I cannot believe you would think I would do that.
    J) etc etc etc

  85. 85
    Anonymous says:

    I hope someone “arranges” for him to be got rid of.

  86. 86
    Whiffler says:

    Apparently some loonie has been arrested in Blackburn after breaking into the house of Susan Boyle. So the story that Cyclops is in Hillsborough is just a (half) blind.

    On which subject, much sympathy for Cyclops on the dodgy eye front as a result of a school rugby injury. Given the likelihood that he was a lying snivelly git back then, it is not likely that some Contact Counselling took place in the scrum ?.

  87. 87
    I'M NO LUDDITE BUT FIRST WE MUST SMASH THE PRESSES GORDON IS USING TO PRINT HIS MONOPOLY MONEY says:

    We must smash to a million pieces the machines printing the monopoly money that is destroying our economy and then we must hang the politicians.
    And then the bankers.
    And then the lawyers: sorry Shakespeare but they will have to wait.

  88. 88
    Groucho says:

    A Niqab. Do us all a favour.

  89. 89
    The IMF is coming says:

    Brown is not really in NI – it is a cover up.

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/edinburgh_and_east/8482516.stm

  90. 90
    Mr Ned says:

    It is physically, psychologically and spiritually impossible to hate him more than I do. There is a physical boundary that you can physically see and touch and cannot break through when you hate him as much as I do.

    Others could hate him equally as much as I, but not more.

  91. 91

    When are you going to wake up and smell the coffee.

    Keynes theory of spending government money during a recession only works if YOU SAVE DURING THE GOOD TIMES.

    For Keynes principles to be effective first you need to eradicate government debt. Only when the government has a surplus of cash can it then have some to spend during the bad times.

    FFS its not rocket science.

  92. 92
    Nigel Tufnell says:

    What’s wrong with being racy?

  93. 93
    Labour Nepotism says:

    The eye injury has a complicated history.Rugby,football and tennis.

  94. 94
    Mr Ned says:

    An Iron Maiden. A real one with the spikes still in.

  95. 95
    Gorgon says:

    Jaw dropping…..are you getting at my trade mark?

  96. 96
    Mr Ned says:

    I’ll offer you a fiver for your house.

  97. 97
    Brown's a Tosser says:

    Its not only that they were in power for 13 years but that they had a whacking great majority and have still failed. In truth they could and on occasions have put any bill through parliament they wished and still have the audacity to blame others. They are a disgrace and that is being kind.

  98. 98
    Sir David King ( ex gov. chief scientist) says:

    I now have to admit the ice in my fridge is getting thicker.
    Sorry

  99. 99
    Brown's a Tosser says:

    You all know “its the right thing to do” Gordon Brown No. 1 Fuckwit.

  100. 100
    Been watching RoboCop again says:

    I’d buy that for a dollar!

  101. 101
    streamfisher says:

    One obvious question which Hague may ask is why a report commissioned by this Government has just found that the gap between the richer and poorer members of society, aspiration and social mobility is now WORSE than it was in the 1970’s.

  102. 102
    The Bottle Fed Triplet says:

    jgm2, you forgot the phrase, “draw a line under it”

  103. 103
    anon,anon,anon.... says:

    Will it still work if she puts it on inside out?

  104. 104
    Postal Voter(s) says:

    Please no! I can’t drink twelve bottles of the stuff.

    I’m not sure I should have said that.

  105. 105
    Brownzakunt says:

    Gordon Brown could not run a bath, much less chaperone Northern Irish politicians. He shoudl left that thankless rubbish to Shaun Woodward. Simple fact is he was desperate to be around yesterday to announce having “saved the world” and brought us out of recession – which indeed he has – by the smallest margin possible. So he ran to Belfast and we got some squealy Darling interview with Paxo instead. He now has to choose between a nother mini spending splurge to prop up this quarter’s figures or to call the election in early April to avoid the embarrassment of a dip back into recession now that the money printing (sorry quantitative easing) has worn off like cheap amphetamines. Payment is due …….Gordon “Faust” Brown

  106. 106
    Brown's a Tosser says:

    They are f*cking useless at just about everything.

  107. 107
    Tony Blair,Christian says:

    Are you sure?Tune in on Friday.

  108. 108
    Sir William Waad says:

    You don’t ‘escape’ from a city under siege. The battle isn’t quite lost, yet. We could still live to see a proper civil society, where people are free to do what they like as long as doesn’t substantially harm (not ‘annoy’) others; where people are encouraged to be successful but protected if they try and fail; where Government serves the people rather than vice versa; where we behave well internationally but don’t try to solve other countries’ problems by force; where honest leaders are rewarded with praise and honour and corrupt ones go to prison.

  109. 109
    Brown's a Tosser says:

    .. it might come in handy. It would be an absolute necessity in Brown’s one eye.

  110. 110
    The Bottle Fed Triplet says:

    Ah yes, but they did ban fox hunting and take the Queen’s yacht away from her.

    Fearless socialism, making Britain a better place! Not sure who for though.

  111. 111
    Sapper Clarke says:

    My eyes! My eyes!

    Bucket of brain bleach. NOW!

  112. 112
    James Sloan says:

    He is busy saving Ireland

  113. 113
    jgm2 says:

    I bet Mandelson’s pissed off they took the Queen’s yacht away.

  114. 114
    Bruce Dickinson & Eddie says:

    Run to the hills! Run for you—ur li-i-ives!

  115. 115
    Tony Blair,Christian says:

    Brown is beavering away at my last lasting legacy.His malevolence is boundless.

  116. 116
    Brown's a Tosser says:

    Okay Frank you bought a knife to gun fight and my 357 is pointing straight at you – get behind be in the queue or I pull the trigger. See its clear I am the no. 1 hater.

  117. 117
    Billy Hague says:

    I hope The Speaker permits time for this gag at PMQ’s

    An old farmer goes home one day after a long hard days work in the fields, he gets in to see all this gym equipment in his front room.

    He goes through to the kitchen and says to his wife “what the hell is all that stuff doing in our front room”?

    Well she said, I heard that if I started doing some weights etc then it should help to make my boobs grow – I thought you would appreciate that!

    Appreciate it says the farmer – appreciate it! Here we are without 2 pennies to rub together and you go out and buy all this crap! If you want to make your boobs bigger all you need some toilet roll!

    What are you going on about you twat says the wife, the farmer replies all you need to do is get some toilet roll, rub it between your boobs and they get bigger!

    She said “toilet roll….are you sure”?

    He says “of course I’m sure……look what it’s done for your fucking arse”!

  118. 118
    genghiz the kahn says:

    from al beeb

    “The former civil servants paint a picture of badly-trained ministers rushing through “ill thought out” legislation to satisfy media demands.”

    how many ministers had jobs other than as spads, reseachers, student unionists, beeboids or activists?

    looks as if the civil service isn’t quite so servile…

  119. 119
    Steve Expat says:

    Looking foward to the Comprehensive school boy having something to say to the Public school girl about social mobility and “equality”, the latest version of which was throuwn out by the Lords the other night…

  120. 120
  121. 121
    James Sloan says:

    Enough said

  122. 122
    James Sloan says:

    google Purdysburn

  123. 123
    Brown's a Tosser says:

    No not you to Ned. Lets agree to stand side by side in the queue. We could use a double barrel shotgun you the left barrel and me the right barrel is that a fair resolution?

  124. 124
    Max the Impaler says:

    Ah..my favourite toy.

  125. 125

    Waad! Waad! Wake up! You’re talking in your sleep again!

  126. 126
    jgm2 says:

    I suspect McGuinness and Adams are just turning the screw to try and screw a few hundred million or so extra out of the Maximum Imbecile before he gets his P45.

    For community cohesion (GAA playing fields and bars). Anyway everybody in NI got all they could ever want out of the ‘Peace Process’ already. A guaranteed green card. Why the fuck there is anybody left is a mystery to me. The ones who are still there are even more hopeless than those in Scotland or Hull.

    Labour has a massive natural constituency there if they could summon the courage to campaign.

  127. 127
    jgm2 says:

    Hahahahahaha. Excellent.

    Must tell my wife.

  128. 128
    James Sloan says:

    She has a cute ass unlike the other troughers. Please get your priorities right.

  129. 129
    Anonymous says:

    http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/politics/article7003861.ece

    somebody obviously had a quiet word with Hutton and told him he was acting in excess of his powers which ended when the Inquiry did!

  130. 130
    oldasiahand says:

    Arnold Schwarznegger has just had a brilliant idea that perhaps we should copy. Build prisons and then outsource their keeping to Mexico. Saves lots of dosh. perhaps we could use Pakistan or nigeria. Chaytor could be in the vanguard. Downside, of course, is it takes all those lovely jobs as guards from scousers and glaswegians!

  131. 131
  132. 132
    Max the Impaler says:

    Well that thoughts cheered me up.

  133. 133
    streamfisher says:

    It would have to be complicated, could have been the result of a climbing accident during his one man ascent of K2 for charity back in his student days, unfortunately the camera froze so there are no pictures of him planting the Scottish flag at the summit and Gordon is far too modest to broach the subject himself.

  134. 134
    Max says:

    Correct, except it’ll be February. By March the ONS might have issued revised figures for 2009 Q4 ie down from +0.1. He can’t risk that. Big Liebore HQ meeting on Saturday, I wonder why?

  135. 135
    Public Opinion says:

    No no no. Haridan Hattie is not a cnut. She has neither the depth nor warmth to satisfy.

  136. 136
    jgm2 says:

    I don’t doubt that Hague will be up to the task. He has absolutely nothing to lose pointing out the hypocracy of Labour on this matter. He could get a good dig in about millionaires on the government bench too while he’s at it. And how much they stand to benefit from their own IHT change let alone the Tories IHT change.

    Stick it up the fuckers.

  137. 137
    Mummy Waad says:

    I hope you haven’t had another wet dream my dear, I know how it upsets you.

  138. 138

    You know the answer that will be given.

    It’s because the Conservatives made that gap absolutely massive during 1979 to 1997.

    It’s taken New Liebour 13 year just to get pay parity back to 1979 levels, blah blah blah.

    This spin doctoring is a piece of piss. Why did that nobber Comical Ali get so stressed over it?

  139. 139
    jgm2 says:

    Maybe it was him who did for Kelly. ‘kill off the Tories’.

    And replace them with what? Oh, the incumbent incompetent arseholes who have destroyed the economy?

    And that would be good for Britain how?

  140. 140
    ShoutsAtTheTVwhenGordo'sOn says:

    …Something I’d like to do to Broon in a game of ‘Hangman’

    “Say hello to Chemical Ali for me!..”

  141. 141
    The Bottle Fed Triplet says:

    When old Profumo got found out he resigned immediately and withdrew from public life. He then dedicated himself to charitable work, even cleaning the toilets in a shelter for the homeless.

    It’s called atonement. Other words to look up are honour, decency and values.

  142. 142
    Charlie says:

    Please no more Zanu Labour Tribal Areas…

    There are enough already…

  143. 143
    Brown's a Tosser says:

    Use your car and drive through the whole front bench.

  144. 144
    Whiffler says:

    Are they suggesting that James Bond also got done over by a laid-back Ken Clarke ?.

  145. 145
    jgm2 says:

    Nah. The camera didn’t freeze. It got smashed by the bricks in the carrier bag.

  146. 146
    Brown's a Tosser says:

    He was spotted sightseeing at the Giants Causeway. Jump jump jump Gordon your subjects require it. Wishful thinking again.

  147. 147
    Tony Blair,Christian says:

    Mandelson is more Poofy Galore.

  148. 148
    Brown's a Tosser says:

    I was genuinely afraid 2 days ago!

  149. 149
    Max the Impaler says:

    ‘Badly trained’…the perfect excuse for inability. These people have been occupying positions of power with neither the intellect, or the integrity to resign when they find themselves far out of their depth.

  150. 150
    Dick the Prick says:

    Body armour? Body armour? Run man, run

  151. 151
    Anonymous says:

    When it comes to reporting the economy, the BBC has a woeful record. I’ve always used the State Broadcaster’s announcements as a contrary market indicator – it never fails.

  152. 152
    Tony Blair (Catholic) says:

    I can do it know without a condom. Cherie likes it with more feeling.

  153. 153
    revolting peasant says:

    They don’t like it up ‘em.

  154. 154
    ShoutsAtTheTVwhenGordo'sOn says:

    Frickin’ BBC was on this morning, championing Jack Straw’s aim to remove the final Heredity Peers and the ‘awful Political bias’ that still exists in The Lords and our Parliamentary system.

    If you want it even, then let’s have it even…

    Think you’ll find that there’s a MASSIVE bias towards the Labour Party in The Commons, such that the Conservatives require an EXTRA 10% of the Vote just to be break even.

    I’m in favour of “fairness” – are you, Mr.Straw?

    Let us have that clean-out in The Lords (get rid of that useless piece of S*** “Mr.Speaker” to whom you’ve just handed a big Pension-Pot Peerage) and let’s oil the wheels of the next Conservative Government in The Commons.

  155. 155
    NewLabourAreScum says:

    That two faced Hunt Brown has the fucking nerve to bring ‘class’ into the election battle!! This is from the thieving bastard that has been instrumental in widening the gap between rich and poor to an extent that hasn’t been since Disraeli was a PM and not the first word in one of the best albums ever.
    Vote Labour – I would much rather welcome a bullet in the head!

  156. 156
    streamfisher says:

    From Russia With Love, Casino Royale , Live and Let Die, Dr. No, Goldfinger, For Your Eyes Only, The Spy Who Loved Me, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, You Only Live Twice.
    Haven’t the Mirror twigged Mandy has been working for Smersh all along, need somebody to put a cat in his lap?, twits.

  157. 157

    If Gordon has gone to save Ireland then all I can say is: “God save Ireland”

  158. 158
    ShoutsAtTheTVwhenGordo'sOn says:

    Now, now… Are you suggesting he turned a blind eye?

  159. 159
    Brown's a Tosser says:

    WH needs to go on the offensive.

  160. 160
    Shock,Awe and downright lies says:

    Phil Woolas on Daily Politics answering questions re Iraq Inquiry and I paraphrase here

    ” The Legal Officers are saying that the war was illegal without a second UN Resolution under INTERNATIONAL law but not BRITISH law…….. and if it was illegal why haven’t we been charged ?”

    Andrew Neill – “Give us time Mr Woolas….”

    So there you have it direct from a Minister of the Crown – British law is not subject to international law

  161. 161
    Gorgon Drown says:

    It was the right thing to do and it certainly wont come back to bite us in the arse in the years to come.

  162. 162
    Max says:

    Interesting point from Just Saying; I suggest that TB will be fabulous help at the polls for…the Liberals. See cartoon:

    Skeleton in The Cupboard

  163. 163
    NewLabourAreScum says:

    Hunt

  164. 164

    Ah but this knife is driven by every ounce of accumulated hate and contempt that this foul “man” has sparked in me, and trust me, it far outweighs the kinetic energy of any 357 load. Hell, an fmj desert eagle 357 on a three round burst fire couldn’t even approach a zillionth of my fury.

    I think I could actually melt his face with my eyes.

  165. 165
    ShoutsAtTheTVwhenGordo'sOn says:

    Don’t mind paying for your Swine-Flu Jab, if it makes you really ill for a couple of days. (Come to think of it, we’ve got £millions£ doses left over – how about you take them all at once?)

  166. 166
    Shock,Awe and downright lies says:

    Addendum

    Michael Heseltine on same show : So therefore under that argument Mr Woolas Hitler could say about everything he did but “It is not illegal under GERMAN law ……………”

  167. 167
  168. 168
    Lil Olmey says:

    He’s taken a wrong turn and got trapped in a broom cupboard, more likely.

  169. 169
    NewLabourAreScum says:

    Apparently Harriet the public school twat is related to Dave!

  170. 170
    Tony Blair,Christian says:

    Fookin’ Bog Trothers

  171. 171
    Fees Office Clerk says:

    Daily Politics Show

    Andrew Neil: “Yesterday was Tuesday and tomorrow is Thursday therefore today is Wednesday”

    Phil Woolas: “Well, that’s not strictly true”

  172. 172
    Tony Blair,Christian says:

    Irvine?

  173. 173
    Jonathan says:

    Ha!Everyone knows you’re lying, you can’t have a gun. The only people legally allowed to own a gun are the Police and Criminals.

  174. 174
    South of the M4 says:

    Too late. Most countries have already exported their prisoners to the UK. They were all ahead of us.

  175. 175
    streamfisher says:

    You mean somebody got their own back and switched his oxygen cylinders for some Browns specially brewed party poopers. How about a parachute jump Gordon?, the bricks would go down a treat this time.

  176. 176
    Albert Pierrepoint says:

    Just put this around your neck love, you’ll look smashing!

  177. 177
    NewLabourAreScum says:

    No Cameron believe it or not.!
    Quote:
    Tony Andrews stumbled across the fact Ms Harman’s aunt — Elizabeth Harman — married Mr Cameron’s great uncle — Frank Pakenham, the 7th Earl of Longford.
    Source http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2445120/David-Cameron-and-Harriet-Harman-are-related.html

  178. 178
    Anonymous says:

    And to burn down churches and drive out the local inhabitants. All for the sake of diversity of course.

    Let’s not forget that before Iraq and Afghanistan, there was Kosovo for which bomber Blair and his gang have yet to answer for.

    If the government lied over Iraq, then we probably should consider they’ve lied over Kosovo as well.

  179. 179
    Jonathan says:

    You’re kidding. The IRA want McDoom to be re-elected, he’s the best chance they’ve got to destroy the UK.

  180. 180
    NewLabourAreScum says:

    On yer marks!!

  181. 181
    Mr Ned says:

    It would be the first time in weeks that any tory has gone on the offensive against this useless twattocracy.

    Hoping Billy Hague can do the business today, but I have severe reservations.

    I am seeing more and more evidence of a tory party that has no desire to win at all.

  182. 182
    Thats News says:

    Maybe Cheater should have written about Benefit Fraud?

    We aren’t even really out of the first recession, yet. And we must all thank Gordon for this and the fact that the gap between rich and poor in the UK is wider now than 40 years ago

    Hang on! Who was it who on here predicted that Gordon Brown would not turn up for Question Time this week? Whoever you are, you were spot on!

    Gordon is hiding, again!

  183. 183
    The Bottle Fed Triplet says:

    Last two Chancellors were:

    A “psychologically flawed” oddbod with a PhD in history that involved years of study of a very obscure left wing politician. That’s when he wasn’t passing rubber cheques.

    and

    An ex. public school Marxist lawyer from Edinburgh.

    The day after a general election politicians are given a job they have never done before and for which they have no formal training, or possibly aptitude. Just because they are politicians doesn’t mean that they’ll be any good at being Chancellor. After all we wouldn’t allow them to do open heart surgery or take command of a nuclear submarine, would we?

  184. 184
    Anonymous says:

    Who says it was the right thing to do?

    Surely the government’s behaviour over Iraq casts serious doubts over Kosovo as well.

    We know the government lies. We know the media lies. When both are pushing for war, as was the case in Kosovo, then we should be doubly suspicious.

    When the BBC and The Guardian are gung-ho for war, alarm bells should be ringing.

  185. 185
    Steve Expat says:

    Hague 8
    Cable 6
    Hattie – fat cnut with a cock up her arse

  186. 186
  187. 187
    EUSSR Kommissar (3rd class) says:

    British law is not subject to international law, except of course for EUSSR law.

  188. 188
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    I hadn’t twigged he was quite that posh!

    Cameron is related to the queen too!

  189. 189
    Toilets McGuire says:

    and look at wife beater McGuire in the photo – he beats women.

  190. 190
    NuLabour Stasi says:

    Do exactly as you’re fuckin’ told or we’ll object to the rucksack on your shoulder.

  191. 191
    Screech says:

    I would like to run over Woolas’s head with a car and then reverse over the remains – the second thickest nonentity in politics after Woodward.

  192. 192
    streamfisher says:

    Daily Politics; can you give me an example of anybody investing In Britain?,
    Woolas after long pause, err Kraft, ha ha ha, no that’s called asset stripping not investment.

  193. 193
    fletch says:

    Almost 15% are foreign nationals. It’s a comfort to know though, that their standard of living has risen substantially under Labour.

  194. 194
    Dave Cameron says:

    London mayor Boris Johnson confirmed today he will stand down as chairman of Scotland Yard’s board of governors.

    Mr Johnson, speaking at City Hall in London, said he was proposing to stand down as chairman of the Metropolitan Police Authority (MPA) to make way for Gordon Brown.

  195. 195
    Gadd the Glitter says:

    Loving the fighting cervical cancer ad BTW.

  196. 196
    Tony Effing Blair says:

    Oh yes, I’m back!

    Tra la la la lee!

    I’m so lucky, lucky; lucky, lucky, lucky!

  197. 197
    Norn Iron bloke says:

    We may appear politically retarded, but not politically retarded enough to vote Labour.

  198. 198
    nigel 50 cents says:

    Yeah, lucky you ain’t been capped yet.

  199. 199
    queens counsel says:

    Related to Mandy eh? They’re all at it together.

  200. 200
    Harriet Harman says:

    For Fuck’s sake black out your number plates first.

  201. 201
    Jeff says:

    Wrong – There is a hightening security level already and this will only get worse as May approaches. In fact there will be such a threat (not detailed due to reasons of national security) that the election will have to be postponned (sorry cancelled).

    Gordon can happily avoid an election.

  202. 202
    streamfisher says:

    To make way for Ian Blair again surely.

  203. 203
    We don't know what we don't know etc says:

    Brave decision for Labour to allow Bliar anywhere near their campaign particularly after his “starrng” appearance at Chilcott.

    It seems that Lord Goldsmith has forgotten that he’s supposed to be on the defence team and not carrying on the prosecution where Sir Michael Wood and Elizabeth Wilsmhurst left off yesterday

  204. 204
    Mr Ned says:

    And now that PMQs has finished, he is leaving Ireland without a deal. Oh how predictable.

  205. 205
    GORDON I'M McBUST says:

    I thought Hague should have ripped her a new one on the Massive O.O1% Rise in the economy we all know that figure could be as low as O.OO6 which has benn rounded Up to O.O1% All the money thrown at the economy including Car scrappage ,and the fact it was Christmas and still this is the best Lie-Bore can come up with !

  206. 206
    the rocking horse says:

    Has he ever been happy?

  207. 207
    streamfisher says:

    In that case there would be a threat, not from some imagined imminent fanatic bomb attack but from the populous. Brown would need to up the medication to convince himself he could get away with that one.

  208. 208
    Joe Strummer says:

    Police and thieves
    Scaring the nation
    With their guns ‘n’ ammunition…

  209. 209
    man about the house says:

    Andy Murray seems to be doing well. Time for Jonah to give him his full support surely.

  210. 210
    Daz says:

    Brown on way back from NI with no result…quelle suprise…misses PMQs …quelle suprise… couldn’t deal with answering inevitable ‘end of recession’ questions…complete and utter funker.

  211. 211
    basilbrusher says:

    Goldsmith this morning and two legal beagles yesterday at Chilcott all come over very well..considered cogent and open to answer very frankly everything asked of them. Blair should be starting to sweat up by now …nothing but difficult questions to answer..

  212. 212

    Has he been to Liverpool lately?

  213. 213
    Granny smith says:

    LOL.

  214. 214
    Talwin says:

    “I take full responsibility for what happened. That’s why the person who was responsible went immediately”.

    This should be repeated every fucking day until the general election to remind us (should it be even remotely necessary) what a complete bastard Brown is.

  215. 215
    Talwin says:

    Buckfast: AKA ‘Wreck the hoose juice’

  216. 216
    Diablo says:

    Gordo is over there to indulge in some spittle licking

  217. 217
    Talwin says:

    Went to the docs a couple of weeks ago for a check-up. Sat watching the TV loop informing me that if I get aggressive with NHS staff I’ll get nicked, when receptionist shouts through the hatch “Do you want a swine flu jab?”. I decline. She looks disappointed.

    Desperate, or what. They can’t get rid of the stuff. How many zillions wasted?

  218. 218
    Anonymous says:

    just driving gloves

  219. 219
    Unsworth says:

    Whose money is Kraft using?

  220. 220
    ShoutsAtTVwhenGordo'sOn says:

    ..Oh but Politicians are “Generalists” (whatever the frick that means?). This is why we have to have legions of Quangos, spilling over with “Specialists” (i.e. someone who says they know what they are doing, but – in reality – their specialism means they only do one thing, and with varying degrees of skill.)

  221. 221
    ShoutsAtTVwhenGordo'sOn says:

    Heh.. And the PM must be ‘Auric Goldfinger’

    Oh no, that hasn’t worked. (Goldfinger was good with Gold…)


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