January 19th, 2010

Exclusive : CCHQ Drops “Cameron’s Conservatives”

CCHQ has officially ditched the much mooted idea of putting “David Cameron’s Conservatives” on the ballot paper. The idea was trialled at the disastrous Ealing Southall by-election of 2007 and candidates were speculating as to whether it would be included at the general election.

A memo from CCHQ sent out this morning to PPC’s tells them to drop Dave:

From: Dolley, Mike
Sent: 19 January 2010 10:17
To: All Battleground Directors; All Campaign Directors; All Regional Directors
Cc: Mabbutt, Alan; Oldham, Rachel
Subject: candidate description

Please note that it has been determined that the agreed candidate description for all parliamentary and local government candidates will be “The Conservative Party Candidate” (Scotland and Wales please ignore)

Michael Dolley
Deputy Director
Field Campaigning Department

Labour are determined to make attacks on Cameron central to an increasingly Guidoised election campaign, and it seems PPCs are going to be spared some connection to that. Dave is still the Tories strongest asset though, which is why Labour are so keen to throw the kitchen sink at him. Labour would have made issue of it if his name had been included on the ballot and they will no doubt claim some kind of victory now that it won’t be…


  1. 1

    Good for them: it was a crock. Now, if only Labour can be persuaded to call themselves “Gordo’s Socialists” and put his pic on all their literature that should see them kicked into the long grass until around 2050.

  2. 2
    jgm2 says:

    Sensible plan. I strongly suspect Labour is saving up some truly nasty (but possibly true) bit of history from Dave’s past. Don’t want the entire party totally tied to the image of their nominal figurehead.

    Just as Labour certainly don’t want their party tied to their nominal figurehead.

  3. 3
    gone fuckin mental says:

    red lorry, yellow lorry,red lorry ,yellow lorry

  4. 4
    Throbber says:

    The ballot papers should refer to “The Brown Labour Party”
    Describes them fully in so many ways.

  5. 5
    Eileen Critchley says:

    “Dave is still the Tories strongest asset though”

    Says who?

  6. 6
    Anonymous says:

    I will be voting for David..

  7. 7
    Koba says:

    I thought they had dropped “Conservatives” a long time ago too!

  8. 8
    Working Class Tory says:

    I fucking hate Labour.

  9. 9
    Don Tully says:

    Just been watching GMTV this morning. God I’d love to bummel Emma Crosby on a big bed, with her long legs wrapped around me.
    Also turned on by Kate Silverton when on Gordon Ramsey’s show: her fiance tied her up and put a sack over her face….he probably fucked her face for an hour the dirty, illiterate Geordie, I certainly would.
    Both good pairs of Tory totty!!!

  10. 10
    How could it be? says:

    How could it be David Cameron’s Conservatives when 80% of Conservatives can’t stand the guy?

  11. 11
    Anonymous says:

    As a conservative I have to disagree that ‘Dave is the Tories strongest asset’
    That points to much of the problem. Tory policies should be their strongest asset not some media savvy figurehead. Tony Blair was Nu Labours strongest asset and turned into a figure of hatred like the rest of nulabour

  12. 12
    I Hate new Labour says:

    “Dave is still the Tories strongest asset though” are you sure about that?

    No Guido, the Tories’ strongest asset is Gordon Brown.

  13. 13
    Jimmy says:

    Actually we were hoping for “Dan Hannan’s Conservatives”.

  14. 14
    Curry says:

    The Labour Party says so, can’t they get anything right?

  15. 15
    There are more lefties in the BBC than the annual left handed convention says:

    I double dare labour to use ‘ Gordon Brown’s labour @ they’re all behind him thinking he is the right man for the job so why not

  16. 16
    Catflap says:

    Drop Cameron full stop.The bed blocking useless prick.

  17. 17
    Dack Blog says:

    Dave their strongest asset? God help us if/when/whatever they get in then.

  18. 18
    AC1 says:

    I don’t normally disagree with you , but Dave is no asset.

  19. 19
    anony says:

    New boss, old boss, red Labour, blue Labour….

    When will CCHQ be announcing the reversal of the 111 tax hikes McMental has introduced?

    Or a referendum on the Lisbon Constitreaty?

    Or (whispers) immigration policy?

    The complete lack of ambiotion in the Tory camp & their new social democratic credentials will cost them very dearly at the election.

  20. 20
    The Not Gordon Voter says:

    Dave is still the Tories strongest asset

    You are wrong Guido, Dave is leading in the polls by default because Brown is losing. Indeed it could be argued that Brown is the Tories strongest asset.

  21. 21
    Twatter says:

    Gordon Brown is For Uniting Caring Keen Educated Dilitantes

    Labour – Continuing Under New Talents

    Labour – Together Working Aspirational Talented Society

  22. 22
    GORDON BROWN says:

    CAN WE DO IT ???



  23. 23
    Socialist Liberal Dave says:

    CCHQ Drops “Cameron’s Conservatives

    Dave is still the Tories strongest asset

    That suggests to me that the second statement is incorrect.

  24. 24
    next slide please, d-day says:


    And now the Irish are to join the EUSSR’s bid to have the entire continent’s DNA on record. Cameron needs to address this and quick.

  25. 25
    jgm2 says:

    Still not as off-putting as ‘Gordon Brown’s Labour’

  26. 26
    Hamish says:

    “Scotland and Wales please ignore”.
    You could put several interpretations on that.

    The one I would prefer is that the Scots and Welsh should ignore the English, and get on with running our nations.

    There is so much anti-Scottish stuff on websites like this.
    What I don’t understand is that the English would be well rid of us, but you go on supporting Unionist parties.

    To clinch the election: forget Lisbon, forget raising tax thresholds:
    drop Scotland,
    and the Conservatives will have a big majority in England.

  27. 27
    jgm2 says:

    Naaaah, they’re avoiding the obvious parallels that will be drawn between Balir and Obama. The cult of the photogenic incompetent.

    Labour are stuck with the cult of the photophobic incompetent.

  28. 28

    We are told that those policies will “appear” after the election. Like hell.

    Cameron cannot stray from the central policies that EU high command tell all political parties. Be prepared for the Defence Review promised by Liam Fox to hand over UK troops to the EU. And it won’t be long before the EU decide how much tax we pay. Cast-iron is spineless when it comes to the EU.

  29. 29
    Lord Hartlepool and Foy says:

    Surely he is the Conservatives’ David Cameron, not vice versa?

    “David Cameron’s Conservatives” sounds like an ageing and overweight rock band where the lead singer has grown too big for his boots.

  30. 30
    David Cameron's problem with women says:

    Mary Portas did a superb analysis of the packaging of David Cameron brand last week, and particularly the absurd smoothiechops poster campaign in which “he looks like a rosy-faced cherub, not a prospective prime minister.”


  31. 31
    George"Last of the Tory Trolls" Osborne says:

    I agree with Guido.

    I am the Conservatives strongest asset and I also tell the best gags

  32. 32
    Twatter says:

    There appears to be some very talented PPC’s waiting to be elected. Although to an extent they have been ‘selected’ I stongly believe they will bring a fresh impetus to the Tories and to Parliament. All things being equal a lot of stale Labour dross will go and the HofC will be much better for it.

  33. 33

    […] The Tories’ key strategy for the General Election has been leaked to Guido Fawkes. […]

  34. 34
    Lightweight Cast Iron says:


  35. 35
    Lightweight Cast Iron says:

    Their ideological shirts, too

  36. 36
    jgm2 says:

    Surely it is to the Tories great credit that they don’t take the politically easy way out and abandon the Scots, Welsh and NI to a downward spiral of extreme national socialism.

    Too bad Scotland didn’t return the favour and save us from a downward spiral of Labour idiocy.

  37. 37
    AC1 says:

    Can’t lower (the worst tax) VAT below 15% thanks to the EUSSR.

  38. 38
    Carry On Don't Lose Your Head (1967) says:

    So when is all the nasty stuff coming out about Brown? He would be finished in one 24 news cycle. I presume there is two-way blackmail involved here, so there is unlikely to be too much dirt thrown at Dave.

  39. 39
    Cynical B******D says:

    No political party wins an election – the other shower loses by default.

    The current lot screw up, let’s give the other lot a chance.

    Tories do not need to do anything in opposition, just kick back, relax and wait for Labour to inevitably screw up.

    Labour just have to carp from the sidelines about heartless Tories and cuts, and eventually they get their chance to screw up again.

    T’was ever thus.

  40. 40
    Anonymous says:

    “The Conservative Party Candidate” (Scotland and Wales please ignore)

    What’s that all about then? Are the Conservatives only standing in England ?

  41. 41

    Not as much as I do

  42. 42
    Moley says:

    When I right click on your name and go to properties, I get;


    Can you explain please?

  43. 43
    jgm2 says:

    I thought it could go down to 5% – hence 5% on domestic fuel.

  44. 44
    Carry On Don't Lose Your Head (1967) says:

    Dan Hannan in 10 Downing Street, Ron Paul in the Whitehouse, Gordon Brown in the Kremlin. It could all be true in 4 years or so.

  45. 45
    Lightweight Cast Iron says:

    The lack of an English independence party has long been a mystery to me.

    I’d jump at the chance to cut the Celts loose – especially the Welsh! I mean, we’ve nicked all their coal, what in God’s name do we still need them for? Our savings on Jobseekers Allowance alone would pay for the desalination plants needed to replace their rain.

  46. 46
    70% won't vote Labour says:

    Oh I get it now

  47. 47
    jgm2 says:

    That rain was bought in perpetuity over 100 years ago by the Victorian Industrialists of Birmingham to supply the Midlands.

    Which it still does.

    They can get fucked.

    It’s bought and paid for.

  48. 48
    Floating voter says:

    ”Dave is still the Tories strongest asset though, ”

    You back on the drugs fawkes?

  49. 49

    Mandy is a shoo in to play the pantomime dame

  50. 50
    Dave 'Non Stop' Cameron says:

    I tell the best jokes Georgie you fibber!

  51. 51
    Up sh1t creek says:

    Surely New Labour calling themselves “New World Order Communists” would be a FAR more appropriate tag line for the party.

  52. 52

    I never thought the “David Cameron’s Conservatives” tag was a good idea, so I’m glad to see it going. I do wonder however what they plan to use in Wales and Scotland?

  53. 53
    Gladstoned says:

    Should be called Pitt the Younger’s Conservatives party since he started it

  54. 54
    That's Democracy says:

    Nice to see Cameron is going to value teaching and all that. And that those with good degrees will be rewarded with salary and esteem should they teach. The requirements of a particular degree are a little more difficult to maintain. Nothing wrong with a 2:2 or higher, of course. All good there. But here’s the faceless one from last year:

    “Let’s make Britain top of the class for Maths. It’s time for change and that change starts today. I am delighted to announce that Carol Vorderman has agreed to lead a new Conservative Party Maths Taskforce.”

    That’s great. Carol Vorderman got a third class degree. . . By his own rules, not only can Vorderman not teach, but she certainly cannot head a “Maths Taskforce”.

    But hey, rules and ethics don’t matter in contemporary Britain.

    That’s democracy, folks.

  55. 55
    Carry On Don't Lose Your Head (1967) says:

    It is to their credit, yes. Mind you, if Wales, NI and Cornwall went independent and many of the large English cities announced UDI and joined the Great Caliphate, a Balkanised England might not be such a great place to live.

  56. 56
    Project Cameron says:

     Social justice;
     Environmental responsibility;
     Avoidance of ‘up front’ tax cut pledges;
     ‘Lovebombing’ of Liberal Democrat voters;
     Civil libertarianism;
     ‘Not banging on about Europe';
     Public opinion has largely to be embraced rather than led;
     A feminisation of the Party’s candidates list and general appeal.


  57. 57


    There is provision for VAT to be low on certain items within the EUSSR.

    A brief summary is as follows…

    The minimum rate of VAT is 15%.
    One or two reduced rates of 5% are allowed for the supplying of goods or services having a social or cultural. This is called “Annex H” and is reviewed every two years by the EU.

    The rest of the detail is here http://europa.eu/legislation_summaries/other/l31006_en.htm

  58. 58
    Engineer says:

    It can go down to zero – some foodstuffs and books, among other things, are zero-rated for VAT.

  59. 59
    Carry On Don't Lose Your Head (1967) says:


    The clue’s in the URL.

  60. 60
    Gulldropping says:

    Saint David’s Conservatives and McCameron’s Conservatives.

  61. 61
    jgm2 says:

    So when Labour swoon about the Tories ‘doubling’ VAT to 15% what they really mean is that it was the EU that doubled VAT to 15%?

    Huh. How ’bout that.

  62. 62
    Anonymous says:

    Rather “The Brown Labour Party brought to you by Mandy and Balls”

  63. 63
    Anonymous says:

    or “Brown’s Labour in association with Mandy and Balls”

  64. 64
    genghiz the kahn says:

    not to mention degree grade inflation.

    2:1s about as rare as hen’s teeth in my day.

  65. 65
    jgm2 says:

    That’s David Cameron failing to take account of grade inflation. Carol Vorderman got her third 25 years ago (ish). If she was taking her exams now she’d probably get a 2:1. Or a First.

    What you really need to look out for is recently graduated teachers who did only get a 2:2. Can you imagine how fucking thick they must be?

  66. 66

    Labour would have made issue of it if his name had been included on the ballot and they will no doubt claim some kind of victory now that it won’t be…

    The only victory they are likely to get.

  67. 67

    Hows that Gordon kissing up to the middle classes coming along?
    Not to good I hear.
    Is this 5th column strategy doing any better?

  68. 68
    Gordon Brown says:

    No more boom and bust!

    Beat that lightweights.

  69. 69
    Dolley, Mike To: All Battleground Directors; All Campaign Directors; All Regional Directors says:

    But why have the Tories sent guido their election strategy? It makes them look stupid (again)

  70. 70
    Gordon Brown says:

    Here’s another one..


    Huh? Huh? Still got it eh?

  71. 71
    Batty Hattie Harmanescu says:

    Can someone tell me, are spolied ballots counted in a general election, and, if so, does the retuning officer give the number of spolied ballots? If he doesn’t, is it a matter of public record?

  72. 72
    Oldsoddinggit .... says:

    Yep !

  73. 73
    jgm2 says:

    Yes I believe they do count spolied ballot papers.

    And keep a record.

    No I don’t know where but it probably is only a ‘Google’ away.

  74. 74
    Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells says:

    I am Kate Silverton’s grandmother and I take offence at your language Mr Tully – wash your mouth out.

  75. 75
    Oldsoddinggit .... says:

    Rather “The Brown Labour Party caught you by the Mandibles”

  76. 76


    Zero rated can only be applied if those goods or services were zero-rated on or before 1st January 1991.

  77. 77
    Brown - a study in tyranny says:

    In Brown’s constituency,they are SOILED ballots – in keeping with their local MP.

  78. 78
    jgm2 says:

    I think my personal favourite is…


    We are committed to a referendum on the voting system for the House of Commons. An independent commission on voting systems will be appointed early to recommend a proportional alternative to the first-past-the-post system.

  79. 79

    JGM2. In reply to the Labour Swoon…

    The Directive regarding the 15% minimum VAT was done while on Labour’s watch.

    In 1977.

  80. 80
    dodgy dave says:

    Dave is the Tories greatest liability. I may have missed something, but isn’t Dave a supporter of the New Liebore, communist, war and terror scumbag party?

  81. 81
    Oldsoddinggit .... says:

    CV would be setting them now!!

  82. 82
    James Gordon Brown says:

    I saved the world you ungrateful wretches.

  83. 83

    The Conservatives will get in, but not by much if Dave carries on like this.

    If he’s keeping his powder dry, I hope there’s a few barrels of it.

  84. 84
    jgm2 says:

    Oh yeah. Forgot about that one.


    ‘Saved the world…’


  85. 85
    Moley says:

    I attended a count as a candidate in local elections, and I don’t think I saw any spoilt ballot papers.

    The returning officer showed the candidates the ambiguous ones, so that we could agree on assigning them, but there was no evidence or mention of delibeately spoiled papers.

    Possibly there weren’t any?

  86. 86
    Batty Hattie Harmanescu says:

    I have no problem getting rid of the Welsh, would quite relish the prospect, but if it is a choice, I’d go for Scotland. The Scotts mafia which infests English politics and gives the Scotts seats in their own and our parliament is a affront to democracy.

    Why do the Scotts have all this over representation? They don’t appriciate it. A deep fried Mars bar and a bottle of Buckie ; their collective cup runneth over.

  87. 87
    jgm2 says:

    So in fact by failing to use their veto it was Labour who effectively increased VAT to 15%?

    Tut tut.

    Another Labour lie nailed.

  88. 88
    I Hate new Labour says:

    Don’t forget ‘Stupid Green initiatives that nobody except Guardian reading tree hugging hippies care about’.

  89. 89
    tat says:

    pack it in you cripples

  90. 90
    Batty Hattie Harmanescu says:

    Possibly there weren’t any?

    Well if that was the case, it may well change come this election.

  91. 91
    I Hate new Labour says:

    I agree.

    He could easily snatch defeat from the jaws of victory…

    With a tw@t like Brown in charge, he should be so far in front Labour would be in a different time zone.

  92. 92
    troll says:

    so if i sign my paper with a swastika will it count as a vote for the B*N*P?

  93. 93
    Sir William Waad says:

    Shallow Dave is the only Conservative that more than a few people can recognise. Since nobody is interested in policies and it has hard for the Tories to create an impression of competence, he is their ONLY electoral asset.

  94. 94
    Pig Sick says:

    Brown will be seeking comitment from Kraft that British jobs will be safe following take over of Cadburys.
    Oh dear

  95. 95
    1970's Labour Supporter says:

    Back in my day……

  96. 96
    streamfisher says:

    Gordon only dare use the word Saved in conjunction with the word World, a Spent force.

  97. 97
    1970's Labour Supporter says:

    Brown = as useful as a chocolate fire-guard.

  98. 98
    City Lad says:

    For four long years, Dve has been keeping his powder dry.

    It is past the sell by date now

    He is a disaster. Hopeless and useless.

    We need someone will balls who will do what needs to be done. Not coiffure his hair, wear cheap suits with no tie, offer no Policies and be seen airbrushed photgraphed holding an infant on a bill board in Earls Court.

    Come on, get real all of you.

    We need a Leader of Men. Not a spoonfed worthless but educated sometime gentleman.

    Bring on Hague and Davis.

  99. 99
    half dead veggie says:

    let me just take my vitamin supplements and B12 before i muster enough energy to reply.

  100. 100
    Scrap Inheritance Tax says:

    Yep Dave is a New Labour supporter. At PMQs there was always a mutual respect between Blair and Cameron as they were both effectively singing from the same hymn sheet. The Dislike between Cameron and old Labour Brown (and Blair and Brown) is there for all to see.

    Dave is the Heir to Blair, he even instructed his Conservative MPs to cheer his Dad at the end of his final PMQs.

  101. 101

    Joe Public interviews the rime Minister.
    Mr Brown, your trial period as PM of UKPLC has now come to an end and its time for your performance review.
    “How do you think everything has gone so far?”
    “Hmm, Yes, yes, possibly.. but let me see. If you remember back to your early days there was the Olympic Torch fiasco?”
    “I see.. new in the job.. takes time to learn the ropes..”
    “Well then there was the Foot and mouth from your own laboratory. The rivers, where you did well on TV in the floods, but those rivers had had funding for dredging cut to a minimum. Then the helicopters,the troops hiding in Basra airport. Selling off the Royal Mail? Not calling an election and making feeble excuses. The terrible 10p tax decision. Failure to deport jailed illegal immigrants after their sentence, Saying you saved the world? Cash for dodgy peeages, unbelievable sleaze from Hain to Harman, MP’s expenses, McBride, and another 50 or so major, major errors.”

    “I see, you never introduced those things.Not your fault. They were just some ideas. I see. But you did close all those Post Offices. Then there was the FSA total meltdown and the world economy going down the pan. You said you had ended boom and bust? And Britain PLC was best placed to withstand the recession when it was actually the worst? And the figures. You don’t seem to understand some of the basic budgeting that is required. What about the more serious Lisbon Treaty promise failure.There are also some questions regarding your leadership style.How do you think your colleagues see you?”

    “Really? Inspiring you think? That would include the likes of Blears? Purnell? Flint? Smith? Watt? Alexander? Hoon? Hewitt? Darling? Clarke, Blunkett? Field?..No, I didn’t think so.”

    “Well Mr Brown, we have been very patient with you and however, sadly, on this occasion you have not achieved the level of performance for someone within this challenging role and the country feels it must regretfully terminate your contract immediately.
    However your C.V. will be kept on file and if a vacancy more suited to your abilities arises, we will not hesitate to contact you in the far future.

  102. 102
    Gordon says:

    You leave my retuning officers alone, I have one allocated to every marginal to ensure the results are more in keeping with the real thoughts of the people, as shown in the fan letters I get very day.

  103. 103

    Yes, it was Labour.

    Red, yellow or blue; liars and charlatans the lot of ‘em.

  104. 104
    South of the M4 says:

    Betrand Russell, Sydney Gilchrist Thomas, Charles Rolls, Robert Recorde, Thomas Picton, Captain Henry Morgan, Inigo Jones, David Hughes, Henry VII, D.W. Griffith, Gildas, Oliver Cromwell, Aneurin Bevan. I am an Englishman living in Wales but even I can recognise the contribution to culture and history of the Welsh. It’s a Union. Get over it.

  105. 105
    City Lad says:

    Don’t worry Call Me Dave will give another cast iron guarantee

  106. 106
    Geof Hoon says:

    I didn’t profit from the Iraq war…honest.

    cough cough.

  107. 107
    streamfisher says:

    They call it a Tutu now.

  108. 108
    fed up of barnsley says:

    doesn’t all this make you want shout and scream, then punch the nearest fucker to you, then throw paint all over passing cars, shout abuse at passing people, saw the legs of grannies, scream and scream again, louder, throw the telly out of the window, burn your house down and try to sell it on ebay, and on and on till you’re blue in the face and ache with anger and annoyance and frustration …. and then cry WTF

  109. 109
    jgm2 says:

    Oh and Gordon…

    …don’t let the door hit your arse on the way out.

  110. 110
    Strongest Asset Dave says:

    The country’s economy is in Dire straights, The unelected PM is reviled by most everyone, 12 years of failure and Dave is only 8 points in the lead?

    He’s not the strong asset you believe Guido.

  111. 111
    pensioner says:

    you’re too kind

  112. 112
    jgm2 says:

    They called it a Tutu 25 years ago. And a Third was a ‘Douglas’ [Hurd].

  113. 113
    86 hours in a maternity ward without Sodium Pentathol says:

    I bet I hate it more

  114. 114
    tat says:

    oh what a tangled web you weave Guido! if you do not spin faster your tory plates will fall and smash into a million pieces.
    either dave is the tory party’s strongest asset or he is not.
    the fact that his name is being withdrawn proves he is not.
    logic, innit.
    I stand by my earlier statement: if david davis were the tory leader they would have breached the 50% mark in the polls, would have some real instead of fake-ass tory policies and would be in line for a landslide victory.
    dave is the problem not the solution and you can twist and turn all you want but the truth of the matter remains the same: david cameron and gideon osborne are a pair of spineless wet lettuce wankers, unfit to govern.
    dave is afraid of the new labour torture party.
    end of story.
    what a fucking wanker.

  115. 115
    Banjo Kingdom says:

    Make sure to escort him from the building or he’s likely to piss in all the plants.
    And check under his desk drawers for bogies. Won’t be fair for the next chap to have to find something like that.

  116. 116
    jgm2 says:

    Oliver Cromwell? Welsh?

    Get to fuck.

  117. 117

    Wonder what odds you can get on Dave not lasting the full term of the next Parliament as Conservative leader/PM

    Davis/Redwood/Hague will try and knife him within the first 3 years I reckon.

  118. 118

    I hate them more.

  119. 119
    welsh pensioner says:

    Barry John and Gareth Edwards and JPR – can’t miss them out!!

  120. 120
    streamfisher says:

    The BBC and the Labour Party say under no circumstances will Joe Public ever be allowed to interview the Prime Minister.

  121. 121
    Johnny Gurkha says:

    Errr, yes he is actually. You lot on here are starting to believe the testosterone

  122. 122
    South of the M4 says:

    You have been to Merthyr Tydfil then.

  123. 123
    Grit Salter says:

    “If he’s keeping his powder dry, I hope there’s a few barrels of it”…… only 6 days supply, I understand

  124. 124
    Number 7 says:

    HMCR are recruiting Property Valuers to start on 1/6/2010.


    BIG rise in Council Tax.

    McBruin’s new policy – Vote for me and I’ll nail you to the wall.

  125. 125
    Johnny Gurkha says:

    Phil Bennett?

  126. 126
    streamfisher says:

    G.P… does it hurt when you do that?…dropped a bollock?

  127. 127
    Gordon Brown - The one only one candidate on the ballot party says:

    It is with great glee that I can announce today that, going forward, we’ll be rolling out a total elimination of democracy in the British political system.
    In 1985 in concert with a number of outside bodies, among them the TUC and the KGB. I commissioned a report entitled ‘I’m going to drag you down with Pleece you sassenach fuckers.’
    This wide ranging and totally evil report gave me special powers. Now I turn into an Orc at night and derive my sustenance from people’s nightmares. It is an irony that I myself feature in many of those nightmares…

    (orchestrated laughter)

    One of the most crucial, contrived and long winded sections of the report dealt with the totally unacceptable levels of freedom in western society. Only the other day we saw horrific examples of people trying to free themselves from the tyranny of the state.

    Today I can pledge to you that under a Labour government this will never ever happen again.

  128. 128
    South of the M4 says:

    Many historians, and not just the Welsh ones, say that Cromwell was born on the Margam Abbey Estate in Wales. There is no official record of him being born in Huntingdon as many historians state. The Welsh angle comes from family routes in Llanishen etc. Could be right, could be wrong but hey ho. A good name to chuck in . I wonder how many Scots will list Brown in years to come……

  129. 129
    Uncivil Servant says:

    Are the Tories intending to ditch Cameron and is that why his name is not going to appear on the ballot? Failing that has some internal polling shown that he could become a liability come the election. Is there a hidden bombshell waiting in the wings?

  130. 130
    Batty Hattie Harmanescu says:

    Burning holiday homes, ridiculous language, ghastly accent (when trying to speak English) male voice choirs, eisteddfods, Neil Kinnock, Glenys Kinnock, in fact the whole “gravy trained” Kinnock clan, slag heaps, Merthyr Tydfil, Rhyl, Prestatyn, Flint, Chief constables who are clearly barking. The list goes on.

    What was it Dylan Thomas said? Land of my fathers – my fathers can keep it.

  131. 131
    City Lad says:

    So there’s Oliver Letwin and was it Mark Prisk with facing Cameron with his back to the camera?

    Sorry – this ain’t gonna cut it.

    Protect yourselves

  132. 132
    Dave Cam David Cameron says:

    Why David Cameron’s Conservatives, I thought he said to call him Dave?

  133. 133
    albacore says:

    “Dave is still the Tories strongest asset” (sic).
    Har! Har! Snort! (Rolling around on the floor, chewing the carpet).
    And that ain’t even me – that’s our cat.
    How are the mighty fallen!

  134. 134
    Pierrepoint says:

    Our rain is stolen by the Mancs straight out of Thirlmere via a rather large pipe. We aren’t even allowed to swim in our own lake anymore, so now we just piss in it instead.

  135. 135
    Drop Dave says:

    So the Tory party have dropped their leader’s name from the ballot papers. That does not infer he is their strongest asset. Quite the opposite.

  136. 136
    Och The Noo says:

    Don’t need the “Mc” prefix as Cameron is a Scottish name.

  137. 137
    streamfisher says:

    Sorry, and there’s me thinking I was being original.

  138. 138


  139. 139
  140. 140
    Old Reader says:

    That’s what Katie did !

  141. 141
    Sarah Brown says:

    You are a disaster Gordon.

    A fumbling, bumbling bully and coward.

    I get it elsewhere.

  142. 142
    Anonymous says:

    42% polling.Says otherwise.

  143. 143
    Third Degree says:

    A ‘Desmond’ surely?

  144. 144
  145. 145
    Tathos says:


  146. 146
    Not-so-Good Shepherd says:

    They’ve still got some awfully attractive sheep – not many of them virgins, though !

  147. 147
    Jonty Pryor, Labour Liar says:

    Come on City lad, post more, post more, we have to get more of our rubbish and obvious trolling pumped out.

    Yeah baby.

  148. 148
    SAW says:

    Problem with the Tories at the moment is they are still set up for fighting the last election and Blair, like NATO after the Warsaw Pact collapsed they have all the wrong weaponry, ie a Blair clone, green logo, plans to match public spending.

    They are scrambling for a ‘centre ground’ that no longer exists as public opinion has now shifted right on immigration, taxes, the EU, Global Warming scam etc.

  149. 149
    Unsworth says:

    So when is Al-Beeb going to drop the standard preface to every sentence – ‘Gordon Brown’ this, that and the other? Personality politics, eh?

    What fucking personality?

  150. 150
    Stamp-licker says:

    Don’t trouble yourself, Hattie.

    All the postal votes are being filled in by experts as I write – they are all checked for errors and for candidate selection inaccuracies – none will feature errors by the time they are counted.

    In fact, they’re starting the count in Bradford next week, just to be sure the result is ready for whenever the election is called.

  151. 151
    Brown's Buggered Britain says:

    It’s about time they cut the silly gimmicks and systematically took Brown to pieces – IT’S THE ECONOMY STUPID!

  152. 152
    Buy British don't sell to the yanks, says:

    Not welcome here in Bournville Birmingham any more either.

  153. 153
    Cyco Billy says:

    As a conservatoire I also have to disagree that ‘Dave is the Tories strongest asset’. When tories have to support glass ceilings, etc I would imagine Flat Eric has at least an edge on Wavy Davy.

  154. 154
    streamfisher says:

    Fruit and nut, curly whurley and fair trade, (three main political parties) that’s all you need to put on the ballot papers come election time and could result in a better turn out.

  155. 155
    Mrs Trellis (North Wales) says:

    To help with your requirement for quantitive easing, can I suggest sprouted flax seed everymorning, guaranteed to ease and increase quantity

  156. 156
    SAW says:

    Hopefully they will drop the lot after the next election if somebody has the balls to cut them off from their drip of public cash.

    Had my first threatening TV license letter today – “YOU ARE UNDER INVESTIGATION> OUR AGENTS WILL CALL”

    How does the fucking BBC have ‘agents’, I do not see why I should fund a politcal organisation committed to the destruction of my country.

  157. 157
    streamfisher says:

    And what about the blatant BBC product placement for Gordons Pledge every 5 minutes, no you cant polish a turd with it, money back please.

  158. 158
    Batty Hattie Harmanescu says:

    but you go on supporting Unionist parties.

    Hamish, can you expand on that. How, and for whom might I cast my vote to get the union disolved?

  159. 159
    V for Vendetta says:

    O/T but the original Hoon (never more aptly named) is wriggling on the hook at the Chilcot enquiry. The Defence Secretary knew nothing apparently. He saw no documents and you can’t prove a thing.

    What did he think was happening when the RAF started bombing and 45,000 troops decided to wander into Iraq? Did Tone say’ by the way Geoff started a war yesterday -did I forget to mentionit?’

    Of course,I forgot -Tone was doing a voiceover for the Simpsons when the war started.

  160. 160
    Independence from the Welsh and Scots Party says:

    The Welsh love that one! it really does piss them off, they actually pay more for their water than we do! nice County though Wales!

  161. 161
    tat says:

    that sums david cameron up very well.
    good one.

  162. 162
    AC1 says:

    Probably the lesser economically damaging tax, pity about the way the money raised will be used directed by our left wing Bureaucrats.

  163. 163
    Dave says:

    I Taut I Taw A Puddy Tat

  164. 164
    Mr Ned says:

    So why are the conservatives who post here in favour of Cameron slagging off UKIP for having the ONLY solution in having a referendum to withdraw from the EU, without which we will NOT be able to correct labour’s wrongs? It is the essential first step.

    The tories are not ‘keeping their powder dry’ on this, or waiting to get into power first. In fact they have repeatedly promised to NOT have a referendum on membership and have repeatedly stated that their policy is to remain firmly and permanently inside the EU (where they are utterly impotent to change anything).

    It is like knowing that the pistons have cracked and yet you refuse the mechanic to open the engine. OK you will allow them to change the oil and fit new spark plugs, but there is no way that the engine is coming out of the car!!!

    WE cannot fix today’s problems from within the EU. Cameron is refusing to fix the problems that labour are making worse, but somehow we are failing this country by not backing such a fucked up, NON solution as Cameron is proposing!!!

    The people of the UK are demanding radical change, but you are NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT going to get that from the tories. Voting tory is a massive waste and a bigger con than voting labour.

    At least if you vote labour you know full well that you are supporting a fucktocracy of elephantine ineptitude. That is unforgivable, but it is more honest than voting tory.

    Voting conservatives will give you a very similar (though slightly more competent) fucktocracy of elephantine ineptitude, but will merely blame it’s failings on labour for the next 8 years. Result? The SAME BULLSHIT that has failed this country for the last 38 fucked up treason filled and miserable years since Ted Heath treacherously signed us up to the EEC!

  165. 165
    Sir William Waad says:

    It’s no use replying. These letters are spewed out by a machine and replies are just ignored. Simply place them in the recycling bin along with the other junk mail. They were sending these letters to my late mother long after I managed to persuade them that had gone that place compared to which this world is but a reality TV show. These TV licence people are the cheese on Satan’s dong.

  166. 166


  167. 167
    Downing Tweet says:

    no10: in response to queries, we will prefix our own messages with no10: and messages coming directly from Gordon Brown wll start GB:

  168. 168
    Cyco Billy says:

    Heard Gove on this on Toady the other day – he would have been better if he’d first obtained a few facts and removed his foot from his mouth. What is that man for, when 3 years into the job, 90% of the original cohort into teacher training has dropped out? My daughter is currently teaching science and just about clinging on with remaining 10%, but next year she will have to teach in a new school with open-plan classrooms and compete with the racket made by other indisciplined classes, and there is talk that every lesson will have to be documented beforehand with a teaching plan. Obviously makes sense: very soon the only skill a teacher will require is the ability to gen up on a subject the night before (like the latest politically correct science on MMGW).

  169. 169


  170. 170
    Mr Ned says:

    They are called the Conservative and Unionist Party in those countries.

  171. 171
    Rick the Roman says:

    Kate Silverton a Tory – surely not – how did she get a job with the BBC?

  172. 172
    Cheese Lover says:

    It’s not a county, it’s a province, like Scotland.

  173. 173
    Brixjack says:

    It really is. Dan Hannan has to be the biggets twat in the UK (When he isn’t in the US talking bollocks to Fox news)

  174. 174
    Mr Ned says:

    I do not think that it is humanly possible to hate them more than I do. People can hate them as much as I do, but not more.

  175. 175
    Dai Rhea says:

    Henry VII was AFAIK only a quarter Welsh.

  176. 176
    Cheese Lover says:

    Never believe what you read in left of centre papers.

  177. 177
    Standards says:

    Does that not belittle the office of Prime Minister?

    Not only should the PM NOT be Tweeting but he should use his official title. How standards have slipped with this Labour shower.

  178. 178
    AC1 says:

    Oh dear I agree with TaT.

  179. 179
    That's Democracy says:

    Don’t talk bollocks. Vorderman got a third. The only thing she does is mental arithmetic. Head of maths policy–my arse.

  180. 180
    tat says:

    brown, old labour?
    you must be having a larf.
    brown is a war criminal. workers are not war criminals they are cannon fodder.
    and brown himself boasted how wedded he is to the new labour war project.
    brown authorises torture to this very day.
    keep up slowcoach!

  181. 181
    History is whatever you want it to be says:

    I particularly like the incessant rustling of Geoff’s notes as he keeps skimming through them.

    Essentially I think his argument is:-

    1. As a poor old “lapsed lawyer” I had to rely on “professional miltary advice” and in summary it were nuthin to do wi me Sir Laurence
    2. The 45 minute claim came as a surprise to me as well and I asked for clarification which I got but I don’t know who from
    3.It was obvious that without a UN resolution we could not have joined in
    4.Yes we were seriously underfunded but “The Treasury” aka Brown signed off the funds 4 October(which bearing in mind he said earlier that it took 6 months to put a Division in theatre)left just over 4 monthsA few of our lads weren’t happy about not having desert combats or desert boots but it was a RAF erk who took the wrong boots(!) to Iraq and they melted!!!!!
    5. We weren’t bothered about Saddam knowing about our prepartions but the PM & Foreign Secy didn’t want to scare off the members of UN Security Council

    The panel members are crafitly drawing out bits of evidence for when they lauch “shock and awe” on Blair a week on Friday – Can’t wait

  182. 182
    caeasars wife (reconstituted and freelance) says:

    I liked the gold and baked beans scenario guido , very blazing saddles !!

    Hoon doing well !

  183. 183
    tat says:

    another troll stealing my name.
    how boring and pathetic.
    get a fucking life retard.

  184. 184
    AC1 says:

    Good Topic, The LibDums are probly “Finger of Fudge” though. The B&P would like to think they’re a lion bar, but they’re Jacobs (not sweet and crackers).

  185. 185
    Fake Blood says:

    Oh never mind all that. Brown has just doomed 6,000 of the best chocolate makers in the world. The bastard!


  186. 186
    AC1 says:

    I think it’s called “Mugged By Reality”

  187. 187
    tat says:

    guido, you know which idiots are stealing my moniker because you can see the different IP addresses.
    if you are going to delete any of my posts delete them first, eh?

  188. 188
    tat says:

    shit happens AC1.

  189. 189
    Choc O'Holic says:

    You don’t call that Cadbury shite chocolate, do you?

  190. 190
    righty right wing (mrs) says:

    I remember Blairs last day in the Commons well.

    I remember vividly that David Cameron was the first to his feet to applaud & roused his side of the House to join him in a standing ovation for Blair.

    It was the first glimmer I had of the truth about our cabal of power monopolists in Westminster.

    The three main partys are exactly the same entity.

  191. 191
    If only says:

    Hague was before his time, if only they had kept him out of leadership until now.

  192. 192
    righty right wing (mrs) says:

    I wont be.

    So its 1-1 then.

  193. 193
    Cyco Billy says:

    Kraft will bung him a few Hershey bars – after all, they are called Kraft. McCuckoo will know what they are for – after all, it is called the Hershey Highway.

  194. 194
    Animal says:

    The Labour Party should be sponsored by Rohypnol to help us forget all about them fucking us over.

  195. 195
    If only says:

    The shit trapped in Satans clag nuts more like!

  196. 196
    Plato says:

    Big mistake – never use ‘THE’ it puts them way down the ballot paper – numpties

  197. 197
    righty right wing (mrs) says:

    No, a Union has two contributors.

    Remind me again how many people in Wales are contributing economically active taxpayers?

    Thats right – you would be a “nation” for about 5 minutes before the bailiffs arrived.

  198. 198
    Thick as Pigshite says:

    You could always save your pearls of wisdom for your very own elusive & invite only “blog”.

    Or is that “bog?”

  199. 199
    streamfisher says:

    Mutiny on the Bounty.

  200. 200
    Thick as Pigshite says:

    I started reading a book by Gove sometime ago.

    All about radicalisation I think. It was kindergarten stuff – full of fluffy third way touchy feely nonsense.

    What an utter tosspot.

  201. 201
    Steve Expat says:

    Cameron was right, too many tweets do make a tw@t!

  202. 202
    exiled &angry says:

    They’re still as popular as a fart in a spacesuit in Wales. The ghost of Thathcher still lingers heavily on our collective memory

  203. 203
    Dick the Prick says:

    Good grief – they’re all the bloody same

  204. 204
    Red Kelly says:

    42% will vote conservative – NOT cameron, unless cameron is standing in all constituencies.

    We dont have a Presidente, we have a monarch, God Bless Her.

    If cameron were replaced by someone who would hold Labour to account for their crimes, Conservatives would be 42%+UKIP%+BNP% +50%(of Labour and LibDem)%

  205. 205
    Steve Expat says:

    Personality politics only works if you have a personality. Thatcher had one, as did Blair. Cameron also has one. Brown, on the other hand…

  206. 206
    Mr Slater's Parrot says:

    SQUAWWWWKK!!! PEANUTS!!! (cuttle) (crunch) (ping)

  207. 207
    Red Kelly says:

    errr, no he isnt actually. You are affected by the Estrogen in the water.

  208. 208
    Dick the Prick says:

    Nah, there’s a bit of a Tory surge in Wales – the Jocks though, well, if they vote SNP then they’ll be crying into their vodka (well, anti-freeze truth be told).

  209. 209
    Dick the Prick says:

    Word up Eileen, been on a long holiday lass?

  210. 210
    Red Kelly says:

    I wouldnt call Scotch a nation, more a collection of chippy tribal lefties

  211. 211
    Mr Plum says:

    Whats the betting Brown brings this up at pmq’s tomorrow

  212. 212
    Blimey! says:

    Ian Hislop!

  213. 213
    Red Kelly says:

    pathetic idea.

    akin to Hague’s baseball cap. Yoyo-yo voters! Word up with the kids let me tell you how being a conservative is cooooool!

  214. 214
    Death Wish 2010 says:

    Japanese Airlines files for bankruptcy:


    to be followed shortly by British Airways.

  215. 215
    exiled &angry says:

    Desperation stakes methinks thanks to the sheer incompetence and mendacity of New Labour

  216. 216
    tat says:

    oh no AC1 they are definitely crazy crackers.
    and a chocolate bar name? must be milky white behind bars.
    what is it with the bn p and storing large amounts of explosives and weapons caches to start race wars?
    damn crazy white supremacist honkies.

  217. 217
    Red Kelly says:

    Henry Tudor was welsh. Cromwell was his chief advisor – until he had his hed turned into a toast rack.

    Oliver cromwell was Thomas’s great grand nephew. He was certainly aware of his religious ways and his death.

    Oliver Cromwell’s motivation was partly religion partly revenge.

  218. 218
    crap rugby joke says:

    but not a welsh three quarters

  219. 219
    Red Kelly says:

    his male line was pure welsh. Tudor is indeed a common welsh name.

    Henry Tudor was a welsh kng on the english throne – but no matter it was the Kingdom of England and Wales afterall and he was directly descended from Alfred the Great (the man who invented England)

  220. 220
    If only says:

    That how all dictators start

  221. 221
    If only says:

    Get out while you can, also the Japanese know how to deal with immigration properly.

  222. 222
    a dysfunctional chav says:

    It’s not a province – it’s a money pit churning out dysfunctional chavs that breed dysfunctional chavs

  223. 223
    Red Kelly says:

    Cadbury taken over by foreigners?!?!?

    F.king Labour should be arrested for that.

    Rover taken over by Romanians is bad enough but Cadburyy???

    Did you see what Nestle did to Rowntree?


  224. 224
    woof woof sausages says:

    tat who you calling a honky? you is the whitest kid i know

  225. 225
    nibble says:

    once the oil and gas runs out we’ll need wales to store nuclear waste

  226. 226
    mr wibble says:

    and dysfunctional chavs

  227. 227
    Lilly Allen says:

    Any news of Osborne’s expenses scandal or will they try to hide it? All MPs together in the trough. Tories have really messed up with Marriage Tax plans and yesterday’s Education debacle which has already been criticised by head teachers and teaching unions.

  228. 228
    Unsworth says:

    Well no, but they do.

  229. 229
    cant hunter says:

    I see that Jonah Brown has demanded that the new owners of Cadbury’s will safeguard the jobs of its British employees; I think really any comment is superfluous, but ladies and gents of Bournville it is a question of when isn’t it ,really….

  230. 230
    edukashun says:

    it’s not “a affront” you pillock, it’s “anna frunt”

  231. 231
    tat says:

    you could always fuck off if you don’t like it.

  232. 232
    Gordon Brown says:

    I’m still here. Because that is the right thing to do.

  233. 233
    Tapestry says:

    The public has shifted right, but the MSM are still right where they were, Paxman, Marr, Brillo et al. Cameron knows he has to please the BBC and the media if he is to be permitted a chance at election. He has to pretend he is a Blair. What he actually believes, no one will know until he is well into a second term. As with labour, who didn’t start until after 2001. In 1997 they were me too conservatives. remember?

  234. 234
    cant hunter says:

    She’s a rotten newsreader who keeps slurring her words.

  235. 235
    Anna Frunt says:

    No it bloody well isn’t

  236. 236
    tat says:

    oh, and you are banned from my blog pigshit.

  237. 237
    Sir William Waad says:

    Anything that the teaching unions oppose is likely to be a good idea. They are to education what Tsar Nicholas II was to Russian capitalism.

  238. 238
    Upstairs at Number 10 says:

    Channel4 could make a fly on the documentary before the industrial cleaners move in, Mrs Merton to present

  239. 239
    cant hunter says:

    Katherine Jenkins’s breasts ( NOT her singing voice)

  240. 240
    Jon says:

    You just used the word “guidoised” on your own blog mate. And you tell the Government they’re suffering from hubris…

  241. 241
    And all because the lady loves milk tray says:

    So what would Brown do,assuming he’s still PM if Kraft start to close or downsize the Bournville factory and lay of UK workers(cos they sure as hell won’t sack US workers) ?I bet Kraft are really worried.Still Brown has to be seen to make such grandstanding comments(which like everything else he says the yanks will totally ignore)for political reasons – there are just too many vulnerable Labour seats in the area and he needs to keep things fairly stable until after 6 May when if re-elected it won’t give a stuff about Cadbury’s workers much like the similar exercise he and Bliar did in 2005 over Rover to “con” the workers then and look what happened subsequently

  242. 242
    George"Last of the Tory Trolls" Osborne says:

    Whats worse than your girlfriend falling asleep during sex?

    Your girlfriend waking up during sex.

  243. 243
    How can these arseholes be so fucking thick? says:

    These New Labia fuckwits continue to destroy the manufacturing base in and around Birmingham.

    Just as they did in the 1970s, with stupendous amounts of strike action, the political aspirations of red robbo and scargill destroyed this country.

    The red totalitarian gobshites in the cabinet have done nothing to reverse this epic fuckup since taking power in ’97.

    This country needs massive investment in new manufacturing facilities in order for us to export goods that are worth something. This country needs massive amounts of overseas income in order to reduce the massive pile that is the National Debt.

    Work it out you c.unts. It is incredibly straightforward.

    Income > Expenditure = Happiness.
    Income < Expenditure = Misery.

  244. 244
    Moley says:

    They want to be next to UKIP.!

    Wonder which party will gain the most from that?

  245. 245
    Anna Frunt says:

    Why do the Welsh continue to vote Labour when all it’s brought them is decades of poverty?

  246. 246
    Anna Frunt says:

    The Tories have a strategy?

  247. 247
    Fido says:

    Jersey Jack’s got even more problems with his mates in Jersey.
    Stick around. When the ticker finally stops goes off Jersey Jack will be history.

  248. 248
    smig says:

    She keeps choking on my dong before going on air.

  249. 249
    smig says:

    Fuck off brix. Isn’t it time you clocked off and had your frappacino on the way home from college?

  250. 250
    Independence from the Welsh and Scots Party says:

    Now you’re talking, but Chavy Church is bit of a lard arse now.

  251. 251
    streamfisher says:

    And that all ended in tears in a cellar at Ektarinberg.

  252. 252
    Gooey Blob says:

    Total cobblers, and you know it. The Labour party is the only one which wants to keep spending more and more regardless of whether or not the country can afford it. They will keep spending other peoples money until they are thrown out.

    A vote against Labour will put a stop to the madness. It doesn’t really matter what you think of Clegg or Cameron, but Labour must be removed from office at all costs. It is every voter’s duty to discover who is in the best position to beat Labour in his or her constituency, and vote for that party.

    All this claptrap about “they’re all the same” is Labour apologists’ propaganda put about to convince Brown’s enemies not to bother voting, and to let Labour in through the back door for 5 more ruinous years.

  253. 253
    Joey Joe Joe says:

    Hands up who here thinks Gordo and Sarah have bumped uglies?



  254. 254
    SAW says:

    Whats the betting he has one scripted joke about it and uses it 6 times.

    “Per per per perhaps the right honorable member would do well to check his notes to see if they are his or has his name been removed”

    “La la la last week the leader of the oppositions face was airbrushed, now his name is being airbrushed from history…………….child poverty down, number of people in work up, spending on the NHS up, minimum wage, getting on with the job of government………ZZzzzzzzz”

  255. 255
    Anna Frunt says:

    It was a very telling moment.

    I was nearly sick. What an appalling sight that was.

  256. 256
    Gooey Blob says:

    I think Catflap is probably most bitter about the miserable 26-30% his own party is polling. Perhaps he would be better off urging his own side to sack the entire cabinet and start again.

  257. 257
    oldfella says:

    hello Lilly

    just been watching your government minsters putting a guillotine on the debate about constitutional reform. That’s despite the government arguing for greater openess and debate. Your shit government of no talent still wants to limit fellow MPs – in the vote there were 290 ayes and 240 noes – but there were only 24 people in the chamber. Funny that!
    New labour are fascist scum

  258. 258
    The last 13 tragic years of misrule says:

    “Basic rate tax payers will now need an account paying at least 3.63pc”


  259. 259
    Gonk says:

    Any correspondence from any Government
    body or quasi official quango always threatens gaol,
    A Political party that promises no form filling,ever,
    will be on to a winner.

  260. 260
    Gooey Blob says:

    A spoiled ballot is a waste. We only get to elect a government once every 4-5 years, and many countries don’t give the population that opportunity.

  261. 261
    Barbour Lass says:

    255 Only 24 in the chamber so where were they all ? Tories , Labour and heaven help us Lib Dems all missing from the opportunity for reform. Can’t want it much.

  262. 262
    Georgie Porgy says:

    Georgie here, I have a perfect right to claim oodles of dosh from you plebs. When I am ruling with my mate Dave we will clobber all of you little people. We know how to rule. Wah wah wah.

  263. 263
    woof woof sausages says:

    says my imposter

  264. 264
    oldfella says:

    so, what exactly is going on in haiti then?

    hearing that american troops are being prefered for landing on haiti whilst aid has to go to Dominica and now this –


    what’s happening here????

  265. 265
    Steve Expat says:

    you forgot inflation up by the highest single month total on record – surely a massive achievement for Gordoom and his cronies?

  266. 266
    woof woof sausages says:

    sniff sniff smells like it

  267. 267
    Make your own Chocolate Yanks says:

    6500 lost their jobs when Rover went, the enquiry took 4 years and 15 million quid and no one cared a toss. Ryton closed near Coventry closed with a loss of 3500 jobs 2 years ago and nobody gave a toss. Cadbury’s employs a lot of people here and around the country and produces a huge profit and our government couldn’t give a toss!

  268. 268
  269. 269
  270. 270
    Jethro says:

    Goes a bit like this, I reck’n:
    ‘Our strategy is, to get elected: then, and only then, will we tell you what we will do – and then, only little by little, and not dwelling on any nasty bits! It’s Change you can Believe in, or Belief you can Change in, or… something. That’s it, ‘Something you can Something in’! ‘Blains you can Achieve in.’ ‘Drains you can Drown in.’ ‘Chains you can Grieve in…’ Sorry! That one slipped out inadvertently!’
    Just remember our slogan, ‘Always look on the Bright side of Life!’

  271. 271
  272. 272

    A broken clock is on the money twice a day, AC1.

  273. 273

    Mark Oaten is rough trade.

  274. 274
    Anonymous says:

    Guidoised my a**e. Guido is in danger of believing his own publicity and vanishing up his own fundament. Keep it real, bro.

  275. 275

    We live in hope this is the plan, though one thing’s for sure – telling the truth about intent to dismantle the BBC would be electoral suicide.

  276. 276
    woof woof sausages says:

    alrite grandad no need for a heart attack

  277. 277
    MI5 says:

    Of course not…

  278. 278
    Sick to death of the bullshit says:

    BEEB still quiet about Broons slush fund, fucking wankers

  279. 279
    MI5 says:

    And Boris will take over…

    Quite obvious really…

  280. 280
    I can eat 50 eggs says:

    “Mr Brown this morning said that his Government would act to ensure Cadbury’s 6,000 UK employees were not sacrificed as Kraft seeks a return on its investment.” …….. that’s them fucked then….

  281. 281
    Ditherer brown says:

    Wishful thinking Tony. Parties do not win elections they lose them. If the Tories mess up in the next parliament an even newer liebor could be back as early as 2015 (or 14).

  282. 282
    rparker says:

    will all the tory right wing nit wits get it through their heads dave is all theyve got standing between them and another 5 years of granny broon

  283. 283
    Bobby Kennedy says:

    It is a shame that Hague blew it when he was too young for the job…

    He has more brain and guts than the rest of the Tory Front bench togather…including cast iron dave….

  284. 284

    Anna Frunt – they continue to vote Labour for two main reasons:

    1. There is a nostalgia for the Rebeccas, the Chartists and for the Bevanite Labour party of the 1940s and 50s – they fail to see that New Labour is neither new nor Labour, and fear the unfamiliar.

    2. Quite rationally, they wish to continue sucking at the teat of the Welfare State, employing most of their people in unproductive non-jobs and allowing the rest to wallow in receipt of incapacity benefits, while bribing the odd employer with English tax receipts to set up shop in shitholes like Bridgend.

    The idea of enterprise and responsibility is anathema to the majority of the Welsh, and nothing will change that in a hurry.

  285. 285
    Pierrepoint says:

    Brown has just warned Kraft not to cut jobs at Cadbury.
    That’s those poor buggers fucked then.

  286. 286
    barefootcontessa says:

    I( definitely hate them the most.

  287. 287

    This is a smart move on the part of the Conservatives. Can you imagine all the clever leaflets and poxy faux viral videos that they had already printed/produced that are now utterly useless?

    Damn. They did it on purpose in order to help Labour waste whatever money they had managed to leech from the unions!

    Incidentally, though this is off topic, a plug for the Right2link campaign…
    The Right2link campaign. Stop The Guardian and News International stealing your right to link

    When the Guardian and News International are thinking the same thought, then you know that’s probably bad news for the rest of us.

  288. 288

    Oh, no. Cadbury World will be turned into the Kraft House of Horror any day now.

  289. 289
    Gordon's favourite Butt Plug says:

    Never happened, but if Osborne had one?

  290. 290
    Mel Brooks says:

    May the Fartz be with you.

  291. 291
    Slush Puppy says:

    This morning Gordon Brown butts in and announces that jobs at Cadbury “will be safeguarded”

    8 hours later Cadburys announce that “job losses will be inevitable”

    Well done Jonah. Job done!

  292. 292
    Call me Infidel says:

    biggets??? Are you Geoff Hoon by any chance?

  293. 293

    A butt plug, in fact.

  294. 294
    Gordon's favourite Butt Plug says:

    Chocolate covered cheese (vaguely) slices all round then!


  295. 295
    woof woof sausages says:

    I bet Guido is given a peerage by Dave for services to blogging woof woof. I will put a hundred quid on it.

  296. 296
    Gordon's favourite Butt Plug says:

    You rang?

  297. 297
    thick as thieves says:

    do you want to know a secret?
    I know for a fact that all departments’ budgets including the health service’s will be cut by 20%
    cuts are already being made to the NHS.
    and who is making the cuts?
    the overpaid NHS managers. and who will bear the brunt of the costs?
    the front line.
    it does not matter who gets in for they will all be obliged to cut budgets because tax revenue is falling at a rate of 20%.
    so that means there is no difference at all between any of the parties.
    mrs righty right is right and you are wrong.
    you silly blob!

  298. 298
    Call me Infidel says:

    I suspect you are right AC1. There will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth from the Tories when they end up a wafer thin majority after the election. The Tories are still fighting the last the last election.

  299. 299
    thick as thieves says:

    very funny.

  300. 300
    Gordon's favourite Butt Plug says:

    GS discover huge drug abuse issues in their communications department.

  301. 301
    Anonymous says:

    Is this a memo from the failed party hack who failed at the last south east euro elections.
    Is he a candidate or a paid agent? And will cchq be able to sort themselves prior to polling day?

  302. 302
    thick as thieves says:

    that’s your breath.

  303. 303
    woof woof sausages says:

    I have it on good authority Dave Cameron likes Cadburys fingers of fudge.

  304. 304
    Anonymous says:

    No! This ones the sheep.

  305. 305
    streamfisher says:

    Kamikaze one and Kamikaze two.

  306. 306
    thick as thieves says:

    cliches just won’t cut it tone.
    dave was brought in to popularise the tory party.
    he has signally failed to do so.
    you cannot wish it to happen so you would serve your party best by facing the facts instead of pretending all is well when it is patently not.
    not only are dave and gideon millionaire housing benefit cheats but the fact that david davis is not shadow home secretary proves what an insecure, self serving character cameron is and how his decision making skills are as bad as gordon brown’s.
    dave is another one of those loser politicians who didnt’ get ahead by virtue of their own abilities but by spiking fellow MPs to neuter any challengers.
    david cameron and gordon brown are very similar characters: corrupt, weak, paranoid and selfish.
    neither has their party’s interests at heart tone.
    these are the facts.
    welcome to reality.
    all these factors will lead to a hung parliament. end of story.

  307. 307
    Raving Loon says:

    Yeah, but when you go to buy something you’ll be put off by the £5000 price tag on bread. Inflation’s a b***h.

  308. 308
    thick as thieves says:

    TT: my response to your cliche is above.

  309. 309
    caesars wife (reconstituted and freelance) says:

    Another democratic farce in parliamentary debate , gov now trying to limit what mps can say , bit of an anoraks one but fine speaking by David Heath , John Redwood and David Sheperd , when you anaylse what bill is proposing its a sort of goverment running parliament , almost a dictatorship .It allows them manage bills in both time and contribution from members. better hope that one doesnt get through .

  310. 310
    J-B Biya says:

    Here at Yaoundé we would like to state that we never had any intention of participation in the election of the United-Kingdom.

    Yours sincerely

    Jean-Baptiste Biya
    Cameroons Conservatives (Partie Conservatrice du Cameroun)

  311. 311
    Anonymous says:

    Hey tosspot, they’ve pledged to lower immigration by 75%.

  312. 312
    CROUPIER says:


  313. 313
    Sir William Waad says:

    The Dominican Republic, not Dominica. Two different places.

  314. 314
    fudge packer says:

    Gordon can’t make up his mind what kind of fudge he likes, not until somebody tells him that is.

  315. 315

    Spouting cliches here is all grist to the mill to Guido.

    Though it pains me to admit it I quite like some of your opinions, which could be described as the icing on the Order Order cake. Or possibly not.

  316. 316

    Ah. That reminds me. Must fill our parrot’s peanut holder this evening. Thanks for that reminder!

  317. 317
    Steve Expat says:

    as opposed to Gordon Brown, who is rumoured to like a cock up his arse..

  318. 318
    Make your own Chocolate Yanks says:

    Its all those notes from that training course he went on last week by guido, “How to answer difficult questions” as for Blurs bit next week can’t wait I’ve booked the day off work, Guido’s site it going to be buzzing!!!!

  319. 319
  320. 320
    thick as thieves says:

    when people visit your site they wipe their feet on the way out.

  321. 321
    dodgy dave says:

    Yep. Blair’s last day was a sickening moment, revealing Dave’s true colours and agenda. No wonder CMD’s not thrashing Ruin in the polls, and 40% don’t know who to vote for.

    If he changed his name to ‘Call me Dave Davies’, Liebore would already be dead and buried.

  322. 322
    Johnny Gurkha says:

    Oh, OK – I will review my comments in May.

  323. 323
    Jethro says:

    … and both got voices like someone gargling with Blancmange.Said to Denzil, years ago,’ ‘fthat’s ‘Voice of an Angel’, I’m goin’ to thother place!’

  324. 324
    Jethro says:

    Fayther used to say, ‘Soon’s they dropped the “& The Morning Post”, they set off downhill, faster’n a boy in a cart goin’ down Paul Hill.’ Then, ee didn’ go fer Churchill: ‘Like a fart in a colander: don’ knaw which ‘ole to go out of! One minute Conservative; next, Liberal!’ See, fayther was consistent: born in poverty, lived in poverty, an’ died in poverty. Only ever saw the paper while waitin’ in the Barber’s…

  325. 325
    AC1 says:

    The UKIP/B&P/Melons should publicise that video of Camerwrong a bit more. I’d put it in a party political broadcast.

  326. 326
    AC1 says:

    They’re not even fighting FFS.

    Deploy against Labour you Conservative Leadership mongs (and don’t give me that “keeping the powder dry” bovine excrement).

  327. 327
    Yardarm says:

    Mr Kelly:

    Henry Tudor`s paternal grandfather was Welsh: Owen Tudor. Henry`s paternal grandmother was Catherine Valois, daughter of the King of France. His claim descended through his English mother, Lady Margaret Beaufort, descended from an illegitimate child of Henry IV.

  328. 328
    AC1 says:

    > anybody got the remotest idea what the little fucker stands for?

    Dave in power as PM. All sounds a bit like Blair…

  329. 329
    Lord Mandelson Leader of New Labour says:

    I’m thinking of starting the campaign with:

    “The Right Honourable Baron Mandelson of Foy in the county of Herefordshire and Hartlepool in the county of Durham, Lord President of the Council, First Secretary of State, and Secretary of State for Business, Innovation and Skills and Honorary Freeman of the borough of Hartlepool, New Labour Party”.

    Any original Labour voters left over from the old days – what do you think?

    On the other hand, I could condense it to: Mandy’s New Labour Party

  330. 330
    Lord Mandelson Leader of New Labour says:

    Steve Expat: How dare you sir! That’s my territory!

  331. 331
    SAW says:

    And he is actually funny

  332. 332

    Punch line to very old chocolate bar joke: “…And that’s a treat!”

    I than kew!

  333. 333
    Watch the Skies! says:

    Did you mean to make it sound like the South Sea Bubble?

    …. oh.

  334. 334

    Notice how some labourite trolls are using anti-Gordon names in order to pretend that they are not really Labour tolls, oh, dearie me no!

    Say three Hail Tonys and pray for forgiveness for maligning the name of his prophet, Gordon the Great.

  335. 335
    Hamish says:

    Hattie (may I call you that),

    As someone has commented earlier, the problem is that there is no English National Party to represent the cause of English independence.

    The better solution would be to accept that certain issues (independence, monarchy, euthanasia, capital punishment, etc) are outside party politics and should be settled by referendum.

    I regard the English as one of the most civilised nations on earth, much more so than the Scots. But there is a residual imperialism in their attitude to other nations. They feel it shows ingratitude if we want to go our own way.
    Many are in favour of independence movements in the rest of the world, but NIMBY.

    Just as charity begins at home, if you claim to support fundamental principles such as the right of all nations to determine their own affairs, you apply them close to home as well as in far-off places.

  336. 336
    pigs in space says:

    Surely they are going to be called David Cameron’s not very Conservative, but a little bit Unionist Party

  337. 337
    Anonymous says:

    Your dad waking up during sex.

  338. 338
    Anonymous says:

    Nor will I…

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Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”

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