January 18th, 2010

The Toughest Job in Politics

It is apparently “Blue Monday”, according to shrinks today is the most depressing day of the year due to the combination  of factors. Apparently the weather, debt level (personal rather than national), time since Christmas, time since failing new year’s resolutions (Mrs Fawkes hasn’t noticed the disappearing whiskey bottles yet), low motivational levels and feeling of a need to take action. Each year lazy tabloid hacks get a cheap story out of the day, but it must be noted that “Blue Monday” is going to be particularly hard for one woman.

Helen Scott Lidgett is an old friend of Sarah Brown, they used to work together at Sarah’s PR company and then at Brunswick, she has now been bought into the bunker for what must be the toughest job in both politics and PR – giving Gordon an intensive pre-election makeover.  It’s going to take more than airbrushing to turn the Prime Mentalist into someone that can actually be allowed out to meet the general public.

Her predecessor, Nicola Burdett (Sion Simon’s other half), was last heard of recuperating from suspected Nokia-related injuries in Barbados. Guido hopes Helen has the patience of a saint and an ability to duck…


  1. 1
    bosh says:

    Not another relaunch FFS.

  2. 2
    mr shifty says:

    “Her predecessor, Nicola Burdett (Sion Simon’s other half)”

    Nicola Burdett? Is that what he calls his right hand?

  3. 3
    The Dirty Rat says:

    Gordon Brown – The Billion Pound Man.

    We have the technology, we can rebuild him.

  4. 4
    Thud Hardbutt says:

    How the f**k are they going to relaunch that stale old twat of a Prime Mentalist? I really pity the poor woman. Actually, scrub that! She is obviously some sadist if she has even contemplated tyaking on this role whilst sober!

    As the saying goes: “You can’t polish a turd!”

    That is all!

  5. 5
    Just saying says:

    Her number 1 priority should be the complete airbrushing of Ed Bollox from all our televisions

  6. 6
    John Bull says:

    He’ll have to behave himself if she is his wife’s friend. Unless, perish the thought, he’s poking it. Sorry.

  7. 7
    blue labour says:

    Blue Monday? Let’s hope it’s a blue new year all round.

  8. 8
    Anonymous says:

    “Helen Scott Lidgett is an old friend of Sarah Brown…”
    Mm, is she a lesbian as well then?

  9. 9
    Gordon Brown says:

    I am just writing a Good Luck greetings card to David Cameron

  10. 10
    unelected nutter says:

    Thanks to McMental we’ve got depression every fucking day of the week.

  11. 11
    tax is taxing says:

    surprised nokia havent developed a shock proof phone … one that will take the impacts as well as the UK debt figures without falling apart

  12. 12
    Hugh Janus says:

    I make it another nineteen Blue Mondays before we see the back of our puffed up and utterly incompetent PM. Sounds a lot, but when compared with what we have already had to put up with….

  13. 13

    im sure someone looking like Helen won the 2:45 at Kempton park on Saturday

  14. 14
    Anon says:

    You can’t polish a turd, and certainly not one as big as McMental.

  15. 15

    but i didnt see who was riding her

  16. 16
    Mandrake says:

    “Her job is to give Gordon an intensive pre-election image makeover,” says my man at Number 10. “She is very close to him and Sarah and was happy to lend a hand.”


  17. 17
    Wight Tory says:

    Not so much airbrushing, more like sandblasting….

  18. 18
    JohnRS says:

    So who’s paying for this latest hanger-on then?

  19. 19
    jgm2 says:

    Who is paying for this makeover woman? The Labour Party or the taxpayer?

  20. 20
    Cheese Lover says:

    “Bought” into the bunker. I’m sure lots of money is changing hands, but did you perchance mean ‘brought’?

  21. 21
    Bingo says:

    We’ve been through this Gordon, if you write a good luck card to Cameron in the hope that it will provide him with the opposite, the curse of Jonah will simply rebound onto you. Thus even more bad luck luck for you. Simple.

    Stick to seething in darkened rooms and crunching those pills, old boy.

  22. 22
    Anon says:

    Who do you think??

  23. 23
    Groucho says:

    Surely this is the PR assignment from hell.

    When old friend Sarah asked her if she could make Gordon appear to be normal, Helen’s heart must have sank.

    An impossible task that was impossible to refuse!

  24. 24
    Jonny Jimmy says:

    New Gordo poster out! :)


  25. 25
    Sir William Waad says:

    Gordon might respond better to a more confident approach rather than Ms Lidgett being patient. He is a bully, but insecure, so establishing a degree of conditional dominance over him at the beginning is essential, i.e. she must take charge of all matters relating to image and presentation. Mandelson has already done this. “You’re going to be humiliated if you don’t do what I say” is the line for her to take.

    Brown and Cameron are both more attractive to women than to men, I think.

  26. 26
    Jeremy Kyle says:

    But yu kin lev alone me farmas, I like it when they bleed.

  27. 27
    Sarah Tweet says:

    I have most certainly not been to Kent, where I do not have a man there who gives me what I cannot get at home.

  28. 28
    Sir William Waad says:

    She didn’t appear to be when I was there.

  29. 29
    Ancient Proverb says:

    You can’t polish a turd.

  30. 30
    AC1 says:

    Are you saying Gordon Beards wife is a Brown?

  31. 31
    Anon says:

    “…so establishing a degree of conditional dominance over him at the beginning is essential…”

    She gets to ride on top then?

  32. 32
    Groucho says:

    “Mandrake disclosed this month that Scott Lidgett had taken a temporary leave of absence from Brunswick, the public relations firm..”

    I think this is a typo – it should have read “…Scott Lidgett had taken temporary leave of her senses…”

  33. 33
    紅兔 says:

    ‘In the upper sixth, she became our group teacher and once invited us to her house. After that we were always going round.


    Do I hear a scandal approaching?

  34. 34
    Engineer says:

    Her number 1 priority should be the complete airbrushing of Ed Bollox from the entire Universe.

  35. 35
    Clarence says:

    And you, Mr. and Ms. Taxpayer, are paying for this Number Ten turd-polishing exercise.

  36. 36
    udderly 'orrible says:

    What an iBrown?

  37. 37
    Mike Rouse says:

    How strange. I’ve not felt as good as I do today for ages.

    Though today is Blue Monday, the actual suicide rates don’t peak until a couple of months from now. What starts today ends later, as it were.

  38. 38
  39. 39
    DisgustedOfMitcham2 says:

    Toughest job in politics?

    Nah. Sounds like the toughest job in the universe. Seriously, where would you start?

  40. 40
    Anonymous says:

    Liebour Party Manifesto 1997

    Note number nine in particular without laughing if possible.

    1. Education will be our number one priority, and we will increase the share of national income spent on education as we decrease it on the bills of economic and social failure

    2. There will be no increase in the basic or top rates of income tax

    3. We will provide stable economic growth with low inflation, and promote dynamic and competitive business and industry at home and abroad

    4. We will get 250,000 young unemployed off benefit and into work

    5. We will rebuild the NHS, reducing spending on administration and increasing spending on patient care

    6. We will be tough on crime and tough on the causes of crime, and halve the time it takes persistent juvenile offenders to come to court

    7. We will help build strong families and strong communities, and lay the foundations of a modern welfare state in pensions and community care

    8. We will safeguard our environment, and develop an integrated transport policy to fight congestion and pollution

    9. We will clean up politics, decentralise political power throughout the United
    Kingdom and put the funding of political parties on a proper and accountable basis

    10. We will give Britain the leadership in Europe which Britain and Europe need

  41. 41
    Alan Douglas says:

    Sion Simom HAS an other half ? No accounting for taste there either then !

    Alan Douglas

  42. 42
    mandy's makeovers says:

    With a double barreled name like that, she must get special dispensation to enter Gordon’s bunker.

  43. 43
    Engineer says:

    Do people who take on these impossible tasks do so out of some need to test the limits of human endurance (like walking to the south pole dragging half-a-ton of supplies on a sledge), or out of latent masochism? Or are they just too daft to recognise an impossibility?

  44. 44
    Engineer says:

    She’ll be quite at home. Half of them are champagne socialists anyway. Posher than aristocrats.

  45. 45
    The Dirty Rat says:

    They really were aving a larf!

  46. 46
    Engineer says:

    Snow’s mostly melted. It’s warmer. Can’t be bad.

  47. 47

    You might want to have a good sniff here Guido

    She’s also a trustee of PiggyBankKids, a fake charity with Sarah Brown as the president and Lord Paul as Trustee (currently suspended as deputy speaker and under investigation for expenses fraud) . I notice with interest, reading through their accounts on the Charities Commission website that they spent £40K in Fife, Gordons home town.

    It is also unusually exempted fom showing it’s income via the Companies Act. Very strange. £238K unaccountable.

    I smell a rat.

  48. 48
    Engineer says:

    By composing a polite letter of resignation.

  49. 49
    The IMF is coming says:

    Get fit – go jogging. Tick
    Present smiling exterior. Tick
    Get ‘with it’ – mention current pop groups such as ‘The Artic Monkeys’. Tick. TV Shows, such as ‘Britain’s got talent’. Tick.
    Dress smartly. Tick.

    Done all this, still manages to be a knob and mess it up.

  50. 50
    vinegar stroke says:

    Yeah, Mrs Palm and her five lovely daughters.

  51. 51
    TheCourtOfPublicOpinion says:

    This could be fun. Wasn’t the amazingly successful 2012 logo design job given to “old friends of Sarah Brown” too?

  52. 52

    Seek and you shall find scandal. Lots of it.


  53. 53
    The Dirty Rat says:

    In theory it could be electroplated.
    Of course it would involve attaching electrodes and immersing in acid. Sounds like a great idea to me.

  54. 54
    Under a flower pot at the bottom of the garden until that c'nt brown calls the General Election says:

    5 is pretty hilarious too given the explosion in the number of managers and administrators.

  55. 55
  56. 56
    albacore says:

    Caution! The Terminator 2010 Series (“Gurning Nasal Excavator”) is programmed to self-destrust on exposure to ballot boxes.

  57. 57
    anon,anon,anon.... says:

    Two observations in one day for an engineer, Can’t be bad.

  58. 58
    The IMF is coming says:

    Failed on each one

  59. 59
    La' says:

    Helen Scott Lidgett’s new nickname – BLONDI

  60. 60
    Chuck E Egg says:

    On the pretext of taking him “jogging” get him down near the canal, pull his pants around his ankles and push him in, followed quickly by a four draw Bisley cabinet

  61. 61
    Purpleline says:

    Does she live in Canterbury per chance?

    Late night Lesbian phone calls springs to mind.

    Come on MI5 if you are not listening to Browns phones I would be very surprised, so release teh tapes instead of arresting Twitter posters under the Terror act

  62. 62
    Dick the Prick says:

    I was fine until I got on the loser cruiser (bus to you lot) and happily reading about Mo Mowlam in yesterday’s Observer Review (brave lass and a half) when 3 utter scumbags sat a few seats in front of me and started gibbering the most inane shit ever. Plus, and this was the instant killer, the scummy Hoons had matted hair like they’d not washed for fucking weeks – I nearly vomitted there and then.

    I may write into BBC and suggest a companion to great railway journeys – utter shite bus ordeals.

  63. 63
  64. 64
    DisgustedOfMitcham2 says:

    Not a great record of keeping to them, is it? One thing surprised me about that list, however. I had no idea that they could even spell “integrated transport policy”, but apparently they can. Shame they have no idea what it means.

  65. 65
    Peter Watt says:

    Public Money = Gordon’s Money

  66. 66
    Adolf Schiklgruber says:

    Ich verstand nicht

  67. 67
    anon,anon,anon.... says:

    Crate of sow’s ears been delivered to number ten
    ” solely for practice purposes”

  68. 68
    DisgustedOfMitcham2 says:

    Lucky his name wasn’t Mustahpa Jihad, or he’d have been locked up for 20 years on the basis of that.

  69. 69
    Engineer says:

    I know. It’s just been too much for me. Have to go for a lie down in a darkened room to recuperate.

  70. 70
    DisgustedOfMitcham2 says:


  71. 71
    turd polisher undergrad says:

    You mean to say I’m taking this course and there won’t be a job at the end of it?

  72. 72
    The Bottle Fed Triplet says:

    I thought he called his right hand Knuckler, not Nicola!

  73. 73

    Gil McNeil

    Director, PiggyBankKids Projects

    (Sarah Browns fake Charity with Helen Scott Lidgett and Lord Paul as trustees)

    Lives in Canterbury with her son.

    Hope this helps

  74. 74
    yacht boy says:

    Yeah, from a distance we can see that you’re a total fucking knob.

  75. 75
    Mark Oaten says:

    Polish turds?

    Game on.

  76. 76
    Be Afraid says:

    … but you can stick a flag in it. This shower are only in it to stay in power. Anybody who wanted to lead this country into the future with strong ideas, firm conviction and a vision would soon find the ground moving from under there feet. The spin doctors would have a field day, “a toff, wife is rich, kids are druggies, lack of leadership experience, dog shits in the street, they would have a field and people believe this shit. This spin stuff is endemic (Remember when we were fed the line ” Charles and Diana relationship is fine”)
    I find this Labour Party disturbing, Macmillan built a million council houses, this lot none, Thatchers union laws, how many undone? Kids milk, back in the classroom? And yet we have to listen to this mob go on about “the nasty tories”

    The war if its SO important they we all need to get behind the troops raise taxes (vat) to pay for it, for christ sake dont pussyfoot around get the lads the helicopters they need, buy them off the yanks!

    What is to be done? Where is the person who will have the ballsl to stand up and say what THEY are going to do, a positive future, a vision, I suspect this is not going to happen in my lifetime.

  77. 77
    Anonymous says:

    Lord Paul of Marylebone (Chair)?

    Deputy Speaker Lord Paul steps down over expenses row


  78. 78
    Wishful thinking says:

    I am going to the Job Centre Plus (you just could not make that name up could you?) this afternoon for the first time in 29 years.

    I don’t think I can claim any support because I was not sucked in to Brown’s “spend spend” obsession and so have more than £16K savings – for the kid’s University fees etc etc.

    And some wanker on TV announces “we are out of the recesssion!”.

    If I could just have one minute with Gordon Brown,they would have to Sellotape the pieces back together.

    I hate Gordon Brown and his thugs and I wish upon every one of them a very slow and protracted death.

  79. 79
    anonymouse says:

    When a control freak looses control you get left with a freak. See if she can sort that out.

  80. 80
    Bert the Cert says:

    Blimey I know some women like ugly men but that’s going too far!

  81. 81
    Bert the Cert says:

    I notice you said “bought” into the bunker Guido. Wonder what this is costing the taxpayer.

  82. 82
    Mr Plum says:

    Cameron wants to make teaching a noble profession.
    Does that mean more women teachers.

  83. 83
    tυrd polisher undergrad says:

    You mean to say I’m taking this course and there might not be a job at the end of it?

  84. 84
    South of the M4 says:

    Nope. They are just getting on the public purse gravy train. Their charges increase 20%, and they cannot lose. Whatever the outcome, payment comes.
    Sound business move by whatever her name is. She sure does not give a *uck about the imbecile that is her client – or about the train-wreck he continues to make of the economy et al.

  85. 85
    Me and Sarah's thighs says:

    Sarah Brown – owner of the thickest set of thighs this side of a weight watcher’s class where the floor caves in.

  86. 86
    South of the M4 says:

    I’d go for the dip in the galvanising bath.

  87. 87
    albacore says:

    Yep. The germs love it.
    Check into your local community hospital for a great new game of norovirus.

  88. 88
    South of the M4 says:

    I felt suicidal this morning and so rang the Samaritans. Got through to a call centre in Pakistan. They got all excited when they found out I could fly a plane.

  89. 89
    Gordon Brown says:

    Just wait and watch Prime Ministers Question Time this week.

    I will “airbrush” the Tory Toff out of existence and his face will be redder than usual

  90. 90
    Anonymous says:

    But you can sprinkle glitter on one.

  91. 91
    Purpleline says:

    Come on readers and Mr Guido, you chaps on Twitter, let’s get this up on the top to embarrsse this country

    England the new East Germany


  92. 92

    Nah, she lives in Kentish Town

  93. 93
    AC1 says:

    I’ve not heard that news. You got a link for that?

  94. 94
    Hugh Janus says:

    O/T but:


    Let’s hope that she continues to fight it so that we can get Baroness Scotland into court for cross-examination. Or will the CPS drop it ‘because it isn’t in the public interest’?? The hell it is!!

  95. 95

    She’s a company director. Her address is listed as NW5 1xx

  96. 96
    Silver Jackass says:

    This is one of the happiest days of the year for me.
    It is my sweethearts birthday.
    Our first date was on 29th April 1963-17102 days ago.
    We are off to Liverpool shortly to the Hard Days Night Hotel.


  97. 97
    What a laugh says:

    Well,you certainly can’t design a decent website – we are pissing ourselves here looking at this dreadful example – utter rubbish.

  98. 98
    channel 4 executive says:

    Hey I have a great idea for a new reality show starting late May 2010

    ‘Make Gordon Brown A Normal Human Being’

    Week 1 – detox, get him off those pills
    Week 20 – anger management ( sponsored by Nokia )
    Week 25 – embrace you innner homosexuality
    Week 30 – how to smile at the right time
    Week 42 – how to hold a conversation with dinner guests
    Week 45 – a tie in with ‘How to Look Good Naked’

    Any other episode ideas ???

  99. 99
    Thats News says:

    Yeah, he lives under a bridge.

  100. 100
    Bang! Crash! Wallop! says:

    It’s when one bit of transport crashes into another bit.

  101. 101
    Pot Calling Kettle says:

    Our Dave knows a thing or two about lying in public.

    Cast Iron Guarantee, anyone?

  102. 102
    English speaker says:

    Loose != lose

  103. 103

    More scandal. Sarah Brown/ Helen Scott Lidgett/ Gordon Brown

    Using documents released under the Freedom of Information Act, the Tories have established that companies linked to Sarah Brown, a former highflying PR executive, received payments worth £124,000 from the British Council, the state-funded cultural body.


  104. 104
    Gordon Brown says:

    £16k is savings? I’ll have that thanks, you Toff

  105. 105
    cheche says:

    You have my sympathy but you are going with the wrong attitude.
    You have paid in. These are your benefits, its your entitlement.
    Your task should be to hold your head high and get absolutley everything that they have.
    Be aware: the government does not want the numbers to go up so steal yourself , claim claim claim. Think of your family and stick out for your rights and good luck.

  106. 106
    barefootcontessa says:

    She’s not a surgeon is she? ‘Cos she’ll have to give him a jaw transplant.

  107. 107
    Brown - going going GONE says:

    No.6 – tough on crime;

    So let’s all remember the mother who killed her daughter and herself when the police never helped protect her.

    And let’s remember the countless people targeted by feral scum while the police do nothing.

    And we must not forget the man put in prison because he hit the criminals who invaded his house and tied his family up.

    Gordon Brown – you odious lump of excrement – you will be smashed in to tiny bits at the election you so fear to call – you utter coward.

    Come down to our part of England and we shall give you and your protection mob a fine welcome.

  108. 108
    Anonymous says:


    week 46 resign anyway…

  109. 109

    One of her close colleagues, Helen Scott Lidgett, says: “Since Sarah returned to work in March our projects have been going fantastically well. We are a close team.”


  110. 110
    Germ says:

    Wouldn’t get me into an NHS hospital. They’re filthy. I’d catch something.

  111. 111
  112. 112
    The Bottle Fed Triplet says:

    Be Afraid, please remember that the first British Prime Minister to scrap school milk was Harold Wilson in 1968. At the time, UK plc was in the deep soft stuff, fiscally. His Chancellor had to go cap in hand to the IMF. Harold was deperate to save money so he stopped children in secondary school having milk.

    Sadly, the lefties can only remember “Maggie Thatcher, milk snatcher”.

  113. 113
    * says:

    It’s just rubbish.

  114. 114
    Mary Hinge says:

    Fifteen. May 6th. Bring it on!

  115. 115
    genghiz the kahn says:

    tall order sowing brown as a normal, well adjusted human being. he turns up at primary schools, for a stage managed ohoto shoot, but somehow he avoids taking questions, in effect the kids are human shields protecting brown from scrutiny.

    there was a news clip recently when the great man arrives at a school, but parents had seen him and were booing loudly. then again he was booed at wembly with merkel, booed by dday veterams in june, which makes me wonder what sort of reaction he received at the last football match he saw – was it man u v everton?

    however the new pr guru should be presented with this quote from marr’s old hag.

    ” But one leading minister, asked for an assessment following the attempted coup, says simply: “We are fucked. We are so fucked, completely and utterly fucked.” Just now, that is a pretty sober assessment.”

    how does she sort that one out?

    but brown would be more concerned about getting one over on the ‘leading minister’.

  116. 116
    jgm2 says:

    If your definition of a ‘real man’ is a purple-faced, heart-attack-in-waiting then Alex Salmond fits the bill.

    Would you like another curry to go with that banquet of nationalist bile Alex?

  117. 117
    Conservative Socialist Democrats says:

    Lovely village, Melbourne in Derbyshire.

    Gloucester aint bad either.

  118. 118

    contact Helen Scott Lidgett or Joanna Brown at Hobsbawm Macaulay Communications Limited on:

    Helen Scott Lidgett direct line: 020 7612 1560
    Email: helen@hmclondon.co.uk

    Macaulay is Sarah Browns maiden name

    This is like shooting fish in a barrel.

  119. 119
    Brown - not long now says:

    Week 1; Ropemaking Course
    Week 2; Scaffolding Course
    Week 3; Weights and Measures Course
    Week 4; “Who Do You Think You Are?”,starring Albert Pierrepoint’s nephew
    Week 5; Gordon Brown’s very own “Drop-In” Centre opened.

  120. 120
    Thats News says:

    It’s a bit late to start this job, now!

  121. 121
    Andrew (I shall ask the question and then interrupt you) Marr says:

    Sorry,which one of Marr’s hags is that?

    The one we are supposed to know about or the one we cannot mention?

    To quote Sybil;

    “Do you really believe in your wildest dreams that a girl like this could possibly be interested in an aging, Brilliantine, stick-insect like yourself?”

  122. 122
    Angry Englishman says:

    If her job is to get Brown electable, she will have to become an expert in postal votes and othe “techniques” for improving Labour’s performance without actually persuading anyone to to vote for them.

    In reality she will just increase the Labour Party’s overdraft and not affect the election outcome at all. Everyone despises Brown and it’s too late to change it (for reference I have hated Brown since I first was made aware of him in the late 80’s).

  123. 123
    .243 Win says:

    Day 1 : Gordon demonstrates the “Top 10 killer accidents with home DIY appliances”.

    Short series, but should attract a large audience.

  124. 124
    The Bottle Fed Triplet says:

    So let’s get this straight, she had a fake stamp in her passport and a forged document to allow her to stay in this country, but, she says she did not have them to commit fraud? So, er.. why did she have them in the first place?

  125. 125

    Go for incapacity benefit. They’ll help you.

    If it’s good enough for two out five Welsh and the entire North East, it’s good enough for you.

  126. 126
    The Bottle Fed Triplet says:

    I’m a celebrity, don’t get me out of here.

  127. 127
    genghiz the kahn says:

    it is in the grauniad masquerading as political comment.

  128. 128
    ...be Afraid says:

    … thanks for that info, I will check it out. All these years the Thatcher haters have gone on about “Thatcher the milk snatcher” and the bloody miners… why not blame Scargill… do we blame (West) Germany when we lose at football, no we blame our own team and manager!!

  129. 129
    AC1 says:

    Where’s this view that VAT isn’t the worst tax?

  130. 130
    Doris says:

    Unfortunately, due to nulabour and their policy of QA, the recession has not really started yet. These evil fools have been propping up the economy and pretending that everything is OK by destroying our future and giving us loads of debts. These people (labourites) should be tried for theft and treason and lying to the people.
    If our pathetic excuse for a PM could just find the courage to call an election or resign, we may stand a chance, but as it is the evil & psychotic Brown has at least another 3 months to continue with his scorched earth policy.

  131. 131
    Brown - not long now says:

    Gordon Brown – the most hated man in Great Britain.

    Booed by British war veterans on the D Day beaches.

    Booed everywhere he goes.

    Despised by everyone.

    Gordon Brown – soon to be the ex-unelected PM.

  132. 132
    Sir William Waad says:

    Macaulay eh? She should write Gordon’s political elegy under the title The Lays of Ancient Westminster.

  133. 133
    Marchamont Needham says:

    Full time job correcting that one nowadays.

  134. 134
    AC1 says:

    I’m guessing that is a rhetorical question?

    BTW. See if you can spot the BBC Narrative reinforcement in the third paragraph of this.


  135. 135
    Wishful thinking says:

    Well O-H, I shall certainly have the capacity to be standing at the gates of Downing St on the Friday morning after the night before when Brown is driven away in an unmarked white van back to Scotland.

  136. 136
  137. 137
  138. 138
    Sir William Waad says:

    Scott Lidgett – I liked her in The English Patient and Gosford Park.

  139. 139
    Tom W says:

    More dumbed down labour nonsense. The thickies cannot run a country – they are incompetent. What more proof do you need than nearly every part of our infrascture is in a state of collapse. Labour have put their stooges in all the top jobs and nothing works properly ‘cos they are too stupid to know how.

  140. 140
    Anonymous says:

    Don’t forget, he is also boohed (metaphoricaly) by his own Labour Cabinet.

  141. 141
    AC1 says:

    He IS a socialist,
    Narcissist Personality Disorder TICK.
    Class-War Envy TICK
    Projection (just one of his mental issues).
    Last he falsely believes he can spend money more wisely than the people that earned it.

  142. 142
    Rufus Stone says:

    And a spine transplant

  143. 143
    Question master says:

    Why the big secret over Marr’s “arrangements”?

  144. 144
    Biffo says:

    Carole Caplin quote “People have to do what’s right for them.” May I suggest a loaded double barrel shotgun (held delicately by that quivering jaw) for Gordon?

    Honestly though, ‘improving’ Gordon so that he’s fit for public viewing will just prove the truth ot the old adage ‘you can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear’.

  145. 145
    Doris says:

    Don’t forget to mention that Brown is a spineless coward with a marked absence of courage. Oh, he also tells big lies and is permanently engulfed with hate and envy. And this is a man who says he is a christian!!! He clearly doesn’t know the meaning of the word.

  146. 146
    Brown's Buggered Britain says:

    Her best strategy might be to tape up his mouth, put a paper bag over his head and stand him in a corner – and hope everyone forgets about the cretin.

  147. 147
    Sir William Waad says:

    That’s nice. Enjoy yourselves, but at your age you should leave off after the third go.

  148. 148
    Question master says:

    Do you mean QE, or are you just angry at the increased emphasis on Quality Assurance these days?

  149. 149
    jgm2 says:

    Tee hee. ‘In the recession the banks made’. Yes indeed. The recession they made by lending too much money to imbeciles who would never be able to pay it back. A recession that will be stopped as soon as they get back to lending 2007 levels of money…. to imbeciles who can’t pay it back.

    It would be so much funnier if I was watching this from Switzerland.

  150. 150
    Anonymous says:

    If you had to constantly manouvre, plot, lie, spin deceive all to the jeers of onlookers to desperately hang on to a job would it not occur to you that you may not be cut out for the job?

  151. 151
    Tom W says:


  152. 152
    Biffo says:

    What’s PiggyBankKids OH? Gordon going round robbing the piggybanks of little kids to subsidise his bankrupt Party?

  153. 153
    Brown's Buggered Britain says:

    It’s just possible he might be able to boost his personal ratings if he died – maybe worth a try Gordon?

  154. 154
    Batty Hattie Hamanescu says:

    If she has real confidence in her ability to make Gordon Brown electable, she might take the assignment on a no win – no fee basis. Wonder if she has?

    Fact is, the election is not there for Brown to win, no matter what the make over, but will be for Cameron to lose, a possibility not to be discounted.

  155. 155
    The Book of Eli says:

    I’d rather have the adverts.

  156. 156
    Hugh Janus says:

    Excellent – even better news.

  157. 157
    Hugh Janus says:

    Or just use the NuLiebour solution – throw a great deal of public money at it, all to no effect of course, and then boast how much you’ve spent.

  158. 158
    The Book of Eli says:

    It’s a great career move, especially from the electorates point of view.

  159. 159
    Father Jack says:

    I hope to feck that we are not paying for that…it is an ecumenical matter!

  160. 160
    jgm2 says:

    Indeed not. Look at Neil Kinnock.

    Do you think a victorious Brown would appoint Cameron an EU minister as a reward for throwing the election?

    Would he fuck.

  161. 161
    Anonymous says:

    PS, Thats just amongst your colleagues, before you get to the opposition.

  162. 162
    Doris says:

    I sent him a bottle of whisky and a loaded revolver for christmas and didn’t even get a thank you!

  163. 163
    Baroness Uddin says:

    It wasn’t me!

  164. 164
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    Daily Telegraph June 2007: ‘Recently it was suggested that Helen Scott Lidgett, who runs Brunswick Arts PR, where Sarah used to work, would take over the Carole Caplin role. “It’s a joke,” says Scott Lidgett, who first knew Sarah when she taught at Camden, after which Sarah went to Bristol to read psychology. “People are bound to try to cast people in the roles Cherie created. Sarah isn’t like that.”‘

    So even the one who wants to convince us he isn’t a liar lies.

  165. 165
    Doris says:

    Silly me…..Of course I mean QE …….must have been having a brain storm!

  166. 166
  167. 167
    Anonymous says:

    The BBC digs itself out of a hole

    An attempt to jazz up Gardeners’ World – part of the corporation’s relentless quest for younger viewers – alienated millions of green-fingered viewers, says Olga Craig.

    Just what they have done to working lunch and Countryfile. Does any one learn anything any more from these programmes? I used to but what a waste of time now.

    How long before songs of praise is replaced by “A call to Mecca”.

    Yet another reason why I hope the corridors of the BBC are strewn with cynanide pill wrappers after the next election.

  168. 168
    Biffo says:

    Not Mrs Palm & her five lovely daughters?

  169. 169
    nell says:

    Well I think Nigel Farage is right about discouraging the use of the burkha.

    But in gordon’s case I think the burkha is scott-lidgett’s only option for covering up his immense flaws.

  170. 170
    streamfisher says:


  171. 171
    Mr Ned says:

    It is not even his website (in so far as he didn’t create it). It is a wordpress ‘thing’ that has been mangled.

  172. 172
    Sisterhood says:

    Do you have a relative called nell?

  173. 173
    Biffo says:

    Nokia are making far too much money in just supplying replacements to No 10 – why would they want to kill that golden goose?

  174. 174
    streamfisher says:

    That’s because it was the white City (winalot).

  175. 175
    Bewildebeest says:

    A lot of people (particularly in the meeja) seem to think that bought and brought are interchangeable. A sign of sloppiness or a low intellect. I’ll forgive Guido this once.

  176. 176
    Dave Cameron says:

    My wife has stopped having sex with me.
    Because I only have a 3 inch cock, she said could not see the point of it!..

  177. 177
    The Joy of Sex says:

    Sex at sixty is great – but get someone else to do the driving.

  178. 178
    Anonymous says:

    I strongly suggest that you open another savings account with a different bank and transfer the money there.

    If they want bank statments just show them stuff from your current account and deny everything else.

    It’s up to them to prove you have 16k of savings.

    Play the system. There are ways to get one over on this shower of bar stewards.

  179. 179
    streamfisher says:

    Shotblasting (twelve bore).

  180. 180
    Anonymous says:

    I’d like to rebuild him. With dynamite.

  181. 181
    Biffo says:

    D’you believe Gordon really goes jogging? Like fuck – it’s just one of his ‘lies’ to try & appear ‘normal’. That turd would keel over from a heart attack before he got halfway around the first block.

  182. 182
    anon,anon,anon.... says:

    Doris… He drank the whisky and missed.
    Send him a box of bullets today.

  183. 183
    Bananaheid says:

    It will be like spinning candy floss from dog shite.

  184. 184
    Confused of Kew says:

    If this woman turns Gordon into a silk purse then she will be able to write her own cheques for evermore.

    But Why buy in a woman, Gordon already has a wife doesn’t he?

  185. 185
    South of the M4 says:

    That is called PR.

  186. 186
    MingeMunchersRus says:

    reduce your savings to under 16k…

  187. 187
    Colonel Nut says:

    Even Dr Frankenstein wouldn’t be able to breathe new life into Brown though a few new body parts and a bolt through his neck might broaden his appeal.

  188. 188
    jgm2 says:

    In Labour Imbecile-speak there is no ‘spent’ there is only ‘invested’.

  189. 189
    Ancient Proverb says:

    Behind every successful man there is a wise woman

  190. 190
    streamfisher says:

    The English Patient , is that the one where they get hit by a Brown truck and end up on a life support machine?

  191. 191

    This “woman” looks like all those other leftist fascist women, who either live or want to live in cottages in Wales, on a mountainside, “off the land”, using chicken-shit, log fires, Agas, renewable loo-paper, environmentally-friendly books and newspapers, and of course BROADBAND.

    It is not in the least surprising to me that she is
    (a) a “friend” of “Sarah” “Brown” of Wallis-and-Hobbsbawm fame, or that
    (b) she is “helping” the Gordon Brown thingy.

    She was probably beginning to turn into an ageing “hippy” in the 1960s or early 1970s – I would put a radiocarbon-date on her at about then.

    Ageing hippy females all have ling bony noses, very arched eyebrows (they think it’s ethnic) and loads and loads of frizzy blak hair. Out of camera-shot is a very (very) long thick skirt made of organic saffron fibes or something.

    And she’s barefoot.

  192. 192
    anon,anon,anon.... says:

    No job at the end of it? Well what are you practicing on now?

  193. 193
    Engineer says:

    What’s behind failed men?

  194. 194
    Mordechai Rumkowski says:

    Nice to see people turning to the Daily Mail as an authority. It bodes well

  195. 195
    Anonymous says:

    The woman who was arguing with Farage said they would take their Burkhas off for security reasons. I do not believe that for a minute, they would go screaming to the authorities if a shopkeeper told them to take the Burkha off so that they could be identified by his CCTV .

  196. 196
    Doris says:

    Might just go and finish off the job myself – it’s almost worth a life in prison as a national hero!

  197. 197
    Anonymous says:

    Has Nicola been sacked? Or is this yet another drain on the taxpayer?

  198. 198
    Ancient Proverb says:

    A foolish woman.

  199. 199
    V for Vendetta says:

    I suggest a brown paper bag over the head would be a welcome improvement. Preferably with an explosive necklace.

  200. 200
    Max the Impaler says:

    The bastard wants shot-blasting not air brushing.

  201. 201
    Confucius says:

    Man who marries woman with small breasts is entitled to feel Low-Down

  202. 202
    Groucho says:

    Behind every great man is a wise woman

    Behind every great woman is a man checking out her arse

  203. 203
    Anonymous says:

    she looks a dyke

  204. 204
    udderly 'orrible says:

    They should also be tried for meddling with the constitution:


    More nanny MPs taking offence on behalf of others…

  205. 205
    Things can only get better says:

    Just heard a 5 minute interview of Peter Watt on WatO with Martha NuKearney after an intro about Zanu’s GE past campaigns and she spent the first 3 mins castiagting him about his lack of due diligence when Gen Sec of Zanu on donations before asking his opinion about the forthcoming GE campaign!!

    WTF Martha, why don’t you treat Mandlescum and other Zanu criminal types the same when you interview them, you biased silly woman!!!

  206. 206
    anon,anon,anon.... says:

    No Palm her and half e

  207. 207
  208. 208
    La' says:

    Would you have hired Nicola? – has made Brown even worse and hasnt had any noticable effect her twat of a partner Sion ‘proppa blogga’ Simon

  209. 209
    Thelonious Monk says:

    Hey man I like Jazz!

  210. 210
    anon,anon,anon.... says:

    Can’t fault her dress sense though!

  211. 211
    Groucho says:

    Sarah Brown studied psychology? And she still married Gordon?

    Perhaps she’s hoping to get a PhD study out of it

  212. 212
    Anonymous says:

    The Undertaker says…..

    A makeover for Gordon certainly. I recommend embalming. My rates are very reasonable.

  213. 213
    Gary says:

    Cheap jibe

  214. 214
    anon,anon,anon.... says:

    To knock this on the head. Get a good sized burka and trawl Oxford street shops. Make sure you are CCTV’d hiding a few fur coats underneath and then claim your human rights have been violated when store detectives ask you to reveal what’s underneath.

  215. 215
    Sir William Waad says:

    Nicknames, now…Hot Widget? Gordon Not Fidget? Scott lig-it?

  216. 216
    Lord Hoy and Hartlepool says:

    Please don’t plug him just yet!

  217. 217
    Talwin says:

    Maybe she’ll have a quick word with Dougie Alexander who can explain that even the PLP don’t like Brown, so the popularity thing might be a bit tricky..

  218. 218
    jgm2 says:

    It’s one way of keeping Marr ‘on-side’ for his regular Sunday chats with the Maximum Imbecile. Nice easy pre-prepared questions to give Brown an excuse to reel out his monologues and tractor stats.

    And, in return Andrew, we’ll make sure the injunctions stay in place.

  219. 219
    anon,anon,anon.... says:

    Get him some really loud kipper ties…….didn’t do Sir John Harvey-Jones any harm. At least little children will see him coming.

  220. 220
    Groucho says:

    What kind of utter fuckwit would have taken this ‘threat’ seriously?

    Its terrifying to think of the powers that have been granted to such cretins under NuLabour.

  221. 221
    Angry of SE1 says:

    Ot – Peter Watt revealed on Sunday the existence of a £50,000 fund raised by the Labour Party and assigned personally to GB for personal polling ( See conshome – leftwatch) – any connection between this and our old friends Deborah Mallinson and the Smith Institute?

    Would like to hear your thoughts!!

  222. 222
    anon,anon,anon.... says:

    Guido. Let’s have a competition for the first person to ‘spot-the-difference’.

  223. 223
    Dick the Prick says:

    EU pledges $575 million to Haiti – not like it’s our money or anything eh?


  224. 224
    anon,anon,anon.... says:

    I think she should give him a full body wax beforehand.

  225. 225
    Cynical B******D says:

    Gordons secret fund!!

  226. 226
    maybe,maybe not says:

    Does he?

  227. 227
    The Beast of Clerkenwell says:

    I dont wish to be crude, but what man here would want a wank off that dog?
    Slag Tone off as much as you like but apart from his wife he had decent taste when it came from getting a quick oil enhanced hand shandy from a north london “therapist”

  228. 228
    anon,anon,anon.... says:

    Doris see post elsewhere. DON”T Twitter this or you’ll fall foul of the Anti Terrorism legislation.

  229. 229
    Richard ChimneyVox Populi says:

    ********************THE GORD’S PRAYER********************

    Our Pariah, which art in Downing Street,

    Hated be thy name.

    Thy government come,

    Our Nation’s wealth go, in 2010 as in the 1970’s.

    Give us this day our daily soundbites

    And forgive us our tirading against those who tyrannise against us

    And lead us not into another term of office,

    But deliver us from evil

    For thine is the catastrophe, the penury and the gloom

    For ever and ever. Amen.

  230. 230
    Gordon ( SoldGoldAtThe ) BottomBrown says:

    A makeover ?? Sarah tweeted to me that I was going to get a fake over ?

  231. 231
    Cynical B******D says:

    That is actually a very good question.

    I wonder whether some Whitehall warrior has pledged public money to that?

    If he has, his dept will the first exterminated – they obviously have too large a budget.

    If the labout Party are paying for the makeover, they must be paying in bottle tops, air miles and lose change from down the back of the sofa.

  232. 232
    dr. sipp says:

    kabul in flames—-capital

    looks like afghanistan isnt secure yet

  233. 233
    ZaNuLiebor Elf N Safety Department says:

    ….and an ability to duck

    Might we suggest that a Kevlar bunker suit will help.

  234. 234
    Old Nick Heavenly(real dimwit) says:

    Sheer smugness from Belgium, a wonderful country!

    It’s sad, it’s fascinating, it’s a once in a lifetime event watching the putrefaction of a once great nation,

    but seriously, it’s your own fault

    and I can only muster the very slightest giving of a monkeys fuck!

    That’s News did you get the sure fire cure for arthritis that I posted?
    End of Sundays thread!

  235. 235


  236. 236
    Kevin Pietersen says:

    From one English success to another, I’m supporting Gordon Brown!

  237. 237
    Antony Gormley says:

    I wonder if, when you have finished with Gordon Brown, I could have him as my one hundred and first statue on the beach at Formby. It’s known as ” Another Place ” and you could kid him he is going to the House of Lords……He won’t be able to tell the difference. I’m sure the local scousers will find something to hang on him.

  238. 238
    Anonymous says:


    in this article it mentions that Gordon was always losing his mobile phone – which irritated him.
    We know where they went, don’t we?

  239. 239
    tat says:

    grendel brown needs a psychiatrist, not a make-over.

  240. 240
    Dave's Sphincter says:

    Blimey, that’s an old one. Please keep up!

  241. 241
  242. 242
    Helen Scott Lidgett says:

    I just want to make it quite clear that I am not a CIA Common Purpose stooge.

  243. 243
    Ted Bundy says:

    Get yourself to a bullion dealer and buy gold.

  244. 244
    allan akhbar says:

    you cant make a silk purse out of a deranged cock sniffing embarrassment like brown……..how the fuck does he live with himself?

    every word he says is a lie and his marriage was arranged by one of his aides!

    check out the photo of him in shitistan-

    looks like he should be in broadmoor!

  245. 245

    Not to mention the texting Labour peer who killed someone on the motorway then got off with two weeks in a holiday camp, of course.

    Or the Deputy Leader of the Labour Party who hit a parked car while on the phone but somehow got off with a fine and only 3 points.

    Or the Labour Baroness who employed an illegal immigrant cleaner without checking her details.

    Or… you get my drift.

  246. 246
    Geoff Hoon - Property Baron says:

    I think he’s a great guy.

  247. 247
    Father Abraham says:

    Given that Goron is no stranger to double counting, does this EU figure include the original £6m that he pledged to HAR_YEE_TEE plus the £20m that he later ‘tripled’ it to?

    6*3 = 18
    20/3 = 6 WTF?

  248. 248
    James Spurnwell says:

    Me too.

  249. 249
    Caroline Flint says:

    and me.

  250. 250
    Cynical B******D says:

    3 Surgeons are playing golf.

    The first one tells a story about a bloke who lost his arm in a factory, how the surgeon sewed it back on in a 9 hour operation, and how the guy is now a world class tennis player.

    The second tells a story about a bloke who lost his leg in a farm machinery, how the surgeon sewed it back on in a 15 hour operation, and how the guy is now a world class long distance runner.

    The third tells a story about a bloke who lost his head in a car accident, how the surgeon tried to sew it back on in a 19 hour operation, but failed. In desperation they got an old turnip, drew a smiley face, stuck a bit of a wig on it and it seemed to work. Unfortunately the guy is now the PM.

  251. 251
    Hazel Blears says:

    Don’t forget me.

  252. 252
    Hugh Janus says:

    Yep, gave up on Working Lunch and Countryfile when they decided to dumb them down. They are now both a waste of space.

  253. 253
    Brown - as much charisam as a fallen Stalin statue. says:

    Yeah – send ‘im up ‘ere.

    We can hang himself on himself,if you get my drift,like.

  254. 254
    eye see eye says:

    Actually it was his butler Leonard who chose his ties.

  255. 255
    Hugh Janus says:

    Keep on runnin’!

  256. 256
    Ruth Kelly says:

    or me.

  257. 257
    The Creative Dept,O&M,Canary Wharf. says:

    You need your brain cells to redesign your website,mate.

  258. 258
    AC1 says:

    Except for the Blessed Margaret (PBUH) Great Woman is an oxymoron.

  259. 259
    Anon says:

    Or the former PM who lied to the people and Parliament in order to get us involved in an illegal war?

    By the way, our Tone (aka The Grinning Chimp) will be lying to the Chilcot Enquiry on the 29th.

  260. 260
    Sir Trev Skint MP says:

    This is a non-story! Apparently the whole thing has been misinterpreted. Sarah simply told a friend she was going to have her arsole made-over.

  261. 261
    udderly 'orrible says:

    She along with the other prize twaty, Sarah Gobshite on Toady, P45s for both.

  262. 262
    Granny smith says:

    Clamp his hands to his sides.

  263. 263
    The Hon. Loretto Fettes says:

    C’mon OH, you need to be more ambitious. The obvious course of action is to join a banned Islamist/Jihadist Group. The government hose money at you and you get lots of TV work.

  264. 264
    Granny smith says:


  265. 265
    jgm2 says:

    One for the connoisseurs…



  266. 266
    anon,anon,anon.... says:

    Are you related to ‘ Brown – as much charisma as a fallen Sadam statue’ by any chance?

  267. 267
    The Hon. Loretto Fettes says:

    I had a nightmare last night that Brown was actually a reasonably normal and approachable person. He therefore had a tiny chance of winning the election.

    I was so happy when I woke up and realised he was still an extremely odd person and a bully and therefore “completely and utterly fucked”.

  268. 268
    Sir Trev Skint MP says:

    On our wedding anniversary Mrs Skint said, “do you want to come upstairs and make love”? – I replied, “I can only do one”!

  269. 269
    The Admiral says:

    Sarah doesn’t want HER career going the tubes, now does she?

  270. 270
    anon,anon,anon.... says:

    It started in the UK

  271. 271
    Dr. Ruth says:

    You could always try halfway.

  272. 272
    anon,anon,anon.... says:

    Whu does the Baroness have her hair straightened and not her face?

  273. 273
    Cannon Fodder says:

    re 171 Doris above:–

    Talking of guns. First time I was in The USA on business I booked a cab from the hotel to get to the company office. I started chatting to the driver.
    He told me he’d just got out of prison for murder. Bloody hell I thought what do I do now? Keep calm I said to myself it’s not a long journey, so I just kept chatting. Yea he said “my wife & kids left me because of the drink and drugs, so I tried to kill myself. I got the gun to my head & pulled the trigger AND MISSED”. “The bullet hit the guy across the street and killed him, so I spent 10 years in jail”. “Tough deal” I said as I gave him a very big tip and ran into the office.

    And the moral of the story is…. No point in giving Gordon a gun, the incompetent bar steward would miss. If you want a job doing properly, do it yourself.

  274. 274
    Richard I. Chavez says:

    Oi, cakkamooey, take some cory up yer chad!

  275. 275
    Alan Douglas says:

    Wanted : Turd Polisher and Bottom Knocker
    To work on a confidential project in the deepest
    guts of the Labour Party. 6-month contract.

    Persons of a darker appearance will find
    this job very rewarding. We are an equal
    poopertunity employer.

    She looks highly qualified.And could then make
    a fortune on a new version of “What’s My Line”.

    Alan Douglas

  276. 276
    Anonymous says:

    You forgot the ethnic, dangly earrings to round off the look.

  277. 277
    The Bottle Fed Triplet says:

    Whilst discussing the Scargill stuff ask your local lefties to explain a. the legality of the pit head ballot. b. Why was the UDM formed and c. the involvement of NACODS.

    This info. is conveniently forgotten cos all they’ve been taught is “Maggie, Maggie, Maggie, Out, Out, Out!”

  278. 278
    The Bottle Fed Triplet says:

    Aah, Yes.. the Scottish Parliament building. As it’s you guv, no more than forty mill. Ooops sorry that should be four hundred mill!!

    Britain’s olympic stadium. As it’s you guv no more than 2.7 billion. Ooops sorry that should be ten billion.

    And as for that Fred the Shred, how come he can cause such a cock up get a gold plated pension and then swan off into a highly paid “advisory” job? I thought that was only for clapped out politicians?

  279. 279
    Willie says:

    Maybe the light has gone on? Without GB in charge the public teat to pay the NGO/Tranzi/Fake Charity/Climate Changer/Focus Group/Trade Union or any other useles sponging Labour voting wankfesters will soon have no money and the similar PR firms no clients.
    And the Grauniad no ads.

  280. 280
    Moley says:

    They have.
    It’s drop proof and will survive immersion in water.

    Nokia 3720 Classic.

    Ideal for teenage boys, builders, and Prime Ministers with anger management problems.

    I got fed up with phones that fall to bits every time you drop them.

  281. 281
    The Bottle Fed Triplet says:

    English fair play ended with the Barnett Formula.

  282. 282
    Moley says:

    Pledge number 1.

    Spend more money.

    Nothing at all about standards.

    We should have read it properly.

  283. 283
    The Bottle Fed Triplet says:

    Behind every successful man there is a surprised mother-in-law.

  284. 284
    Moley says:

    Simultaneoulsy charged with “having a fake visa” and “overstaying her visa”.

    Didn’t know that overstaying a fake visa was an offence.

  285. 285
    Bobby Kennedy says:

    All together girls,

    to the tune of the Eton boating song…

    Row on row for ever
    we are all in this together…

  286. 286
    Criminal BcBride says:

    I need one too

  287. 287
    Criminal McBride says:

    The best quote of the day…

    How much punishment can one man take ?!

  288. 288
    Batty Hattie Harmanescu says:

    He is not just trying throw the election, he, along with other opposition leaders, has been a blessing for New Labour with their inept, incompetent, lazy and poor performance in opposition.

    And yes, I can quite see David (Blair) Cameron taking a job as EU minister.

  289. 289
    Airey Belvoir says:

    Aarrgh! don’t click on OH’s bottom link above. The woman has got legs like a Tasmanian Devil!

  290. 290
    Airey Belvoir says:

    Sarah Macaulay is no dyke, was a bit of a goer (when she got the chance) back in the day. This is an AireyBelvoirtrufact.

  291. 291
    Jimmy says:

    “It is apparently “Blue Monday”, according to shrinks today is the most depressing day of the year due to the combination of factors.”

    Perhaps you should stagger the timetable so that Rich’n’Mark and Guy TV don’t appear on the same day.

  292. 292
    Airey Belvoir says:

    The Royal Navy has a Royal Turd, collected on Britannia, freeze-dried and sprayed gold. The top brass have been trying to hunt it down, without success, for years. It’s collection was a matter of observation, perfect timing at the outlet and involved a trial run with a potato. AireyBelvoirtrufact.

  293. 293
    Airey Belvoir says:

    Mine is twelve inches, but I don’t use it as a rule

  294. 294
    Madame Defarge says:

    Jesus H Christ! That woman may well sit on a lot of worthy committees and live in trendy Camden or wherever but has she actually any track record at polishing megaturds the size of Gordon? IN fact, apart from being an ex-art teacher, air kissing a lot of luvvies and having a Nokia glued to her lughole (safest way to hold a Nokia in Broon’s presence) what the feck has she actually done.

    If this wasn’t so tragic it would be comical. Ugger I’ll have to clen up an extra tumbril.

  295. 295
    Pig Sick says:

    Or the deputy PM who shagged his secretary in works time

  296. 296
    Alex Salmon says:

    Have you got any deep fried mars bars?

  297. 297
    oldrightie says:

    She looks like a bloke. Mind you if anyone could polish a turd she looks a candidate who might enjoy trying.

  298. 298

    Ah Maggie … she had far more balls than cast-iron Dave.

  299. 299
    Gobshite says:

    If you need dole, for fucks sake don’t tell them about your savings!

    They would rather see you skint, and in their debt, than let you have that safety net to fall back on.

    You never know what crisis could be around the corner, and 16k could come in very handy indeed.

    Besides, you have probably paid more than enough tax to justify a few quid back.

    Lying is the new honesty.

    Especially at Jobcentre Double Plus Good.

  300. 300
    Gobshite says:

    Isn’t that how he met Sarah?

    A ‘sexually liberated’ hippy in a time of severe mental crisis…

    Go on Gordon, give her one over the desk!

  301. 301
    Gobshite says:

    What about phone-proof PA’s?

Seen Elsewhere

100 Tories to Rebel on Plain Packs | Telegraph
May 2015 and the Art of Political Betting | MAY2015
Fate of Eurozone Rests in Hands of Videogame Expert | TechnoGuido
UKIP After Farage | Asa Bennett
Eichmann Called on Arabs to Continue War on Jews | Speccie
Mirror Hacking: 50 Legal Action Claims | Press Gazette
Mandy’s £400,000 Tax-Free Loan From Own Company | Guardian
Why We Must Remember the Holocaust | Hugo Rifkind
“Adjustments” Not Cuts | Gary Gibbon
The New Puritans | Alex Wickham
British Minister in Watch Gaffe | Straits Times

Rising Stars
Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

George Galloway says of his former Respect candidate the UKIP MEP turned Tory, Amjad Bashir…

“Clearly Bashir does not have any real political principles or commitment, only naked opportunism and self-interest. He represents the revolving door principle in politics. The Tories are welcome to him because he will cause them embarrassment. Fortunately Respect was able to act before he did it to us.”

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