Usually we only do one Jonah piece a week but they are just piling up this week and it is only Wednesday. On Monday he called the Javelin train’s first weekday journey, “a momentous day in the long and glorious history of British railways” at the official launch of the UK’s first domestic high-speed rail service.
Of course the service failed immediately after; press reports tell us
High speed trains were cancelled and delayed just days after the full service was launched. Several services leaving St Pancras International for Kent stations were disrupted after one train ended up stuck in a tunnel last night. Southeastern spokesman Jon Hay-Campbell said: “We believe that the train may have been unable to draw power while in the tunnel but we are still investigating.”
No need to investigate, the cause was Jonah…
Jonah went to Copenhagen last night to warn the world about the threat from global warming, it started snowing. Copenhagen is now in chaos, the summit’s Danish chief has stepped down, blame is being put on a certain head of government attending.
The Copenhagen police are battling protesters, third world countries have walked out in disgust and even Jonah admits a deal ‘faces problems’. If we don’t get a deal the world is doomed Brown told us a few months ago. The sooner Gordon exits the stage, the better…
Guido has learned that on the wall of the first floor of BBC Millbank there is a self-congratulatory note saying that they sold 100 cakes for Children in Need at £1 each. However, the note points out testily that there is only £80 in the honesty box. What Guido wants to know is who stole the cakes from Children in Need?
Millbank is the base for the BBC’s Westminster Lobby correspondents. Trust is the key issue in political reporting…
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This is the contents page of a dossier that has been passed to Guido:
Over 20 pages it records every comment made by a single co-conspirator in the PMQs live-chat that we do on this blog every week. For those of you who don’t participate, the live-chat takes place during PMQs and is a blokey bar-room, profanity strewn critique of PMQs participated in by hundreds of co-conspirators every Wednesday.
Frequent topics of discussion in the Live-Chat are the fashion choices of front benchers Harriet Harman and Theresa May, the synthetic, ‘oooh, get her’ anger of Nick Clegg and David Cameron’s emerging bald-spot. High-level stuff. As is common with sensitive and progressive audiences it not unheard of for co-conspirators to discuss the physical appearance and intelligence of politicians, particularly those asking planted questions. It is a chance to vent our hatred of politicians in real-time. It is all good fun before we disappear down the pub at 12.30.
For Labour’s Chief-Whip, Nick Brown, it seems it has been a source of less than deadly intelligence on his constituency Lib-Dem challenger Greg Stone, who posts using the name ‘Inamicus’. They have been spying on him and have discovered gems like:
- On Wednesday June 25, 2008 he said “anne mcintosh needs a makeover” … “depressed woman in blue is anne mcintosh (vale of york)”
- On Wednesday 9th July, 2008 he said “annie mac looks like a deckchair today” and “quite like darling’s tie…. looks like neapolitan icecream”, “alan reid – lowest profile mp ever”, “spellar nasty old right wing union hack”
- Wednesday 15th October 2008 – “teresa looks like she’s going for the scottish widows ad look”, “darling and osborne have same tie on”, “roberta blackmanwoods top left – sourfaced bitch”, “straw’s got a hard on”
- Wednesday 4th March 2009 – “sort your tie out ossie”, “miliband looks monged”, “i quite like hague’s tie”, “yvette’s looking quite cute”
- Wednesday 25th March 2009 – “like hague’s tie”, “how much botox is hazel blears on?”
- Wednesday 13th May 2009 – “Mickey Fabb looks pissed”, “nick brown might not be around after the GE :)”
- Wednesday 20th May 2009 – “Nice suit/shirt/tie combo for Hague”, “Anne McIntosh is in spinster librarian mode again”
- Wednesday 28th October 2009 – “chloe needs to sort out that monobrow”
Pretty tame stuff by the standards of some of the window-lickers co-conspirators who post on the live-chat. Nevertheless Nick Brown clearly thinks it worth getting his researchers to spy on this at the taxpayers’ expense and push the dossier around left-wing journalists in the hope of undermining his opponent at the election. Gordon’s henchman of course would never ever say anything unpleasant about anyone. Not. Guido was told by a Labour insider that they print out Iain Dale’s blog every day and file it for use against him should he ever manage to get a seat to fight. Fair enough, but isn’t all this somewhat pathetic.
The most embarrassing thing about this for Greg Stone is that it shows an unhealthy obsession with William Hague’s neck-wear.
