December 15th, 2009

Jonah Watch, Days of the Damned

The Jonah touch continues. From sport and entertainment, to the world stage – whatever Gordon touches turns to brown.

Just recently Brown praised Jenson Button’s barnstorming F1 championship victory, calling him a “brilliant ambassador for sport.” Not enough to see off a challenge from Ryan Giggs for Sports Personality of the Year though. Praised and damned by Gordon.

Switching over the channels over the weekend Gordon Brown revealed that he and his family were backing Stacey Solomon to win The X-Factor.  Surprise surprise, Stacey Solomon, the Essex gal who has a budding career in any Mike Leigh film, was the first to go crash out of the weekend’s finals. Praised and damned by Gordon.

As regular readers will remember there was some speculation that Gordon had cursed David Beckham’s Football Academy. As many co-conspirators have pointed out, the news has come through that it is officially to shut. Visited and damned by Gordon.

Gordon is bunking off PMQs this week to go to Copenhagen.  He was the first proper world leader to say he was coming. Surprise, surprise it’s not going too well. Developing nations walked out yesterday writing the whole thing off as a stitch up. Damned by association.


  1. 1
    Animal says:

    Time he praised Ed Balls. He could be run down by a bus. Happy days.

  2. 2
    Alistair Darling says:

    Having been praised by the PM recently I am looking forward to writing my memoirs sometime next year after the election. Should be interesting.

  3. 3
    Stepney says:

    Expect global destruction within days. Meteor strike possibly. Boiling oceans, long run-out landslides, tsunamis – that sort of thing.

    He will of course come back having saved the planet (or at least those bits he missed last time he saved the world).

  4. 4
    Gordon Brown says:

    I would like to take this opportunity and wish Guido and all his readers a Happy Christmas and Prosperous New Year.

  5. 5
    Dr Elizabeth Pewter-Stalin says:

    The curse of Gordon – who can doubt its power & reach now?

    Those red to green enviro-fascists must be bricking it that the Gorgon is on their side. It is just a matter of time before he blows the mega fraud that is AGW.

    I understand that one of Gordons placemen in the Lords wants a Climate Scientist in the Treasury with power of veto over major cap-ex projects.

    I think that a representative of every other major religion should also sit in the Treasury & at Cabinet meetings.

    In fact, the A list of the better Cults also deserve a say on fiscal policy too.

  6. 6
    backwoodsman says:

    Well, some fucker had better apraise the bbc re all of the above, because the Toady programme this morning, took sycophancy to new levels when discussing the Dear Leaders recent triumphs.

  7. 7
    CO2 R us says:

    Its starting to get to the front pages…

  8. 8
    A Panic-Stricken Reader says:


  9. 9
    Dave "Austerity" Cameron says:

    A couple realise that they are spending far more than they earn every week so they decide to go through the bills.

    “Look at this!!”, says the wife, “£45 a week on bloody lager!! Thant has to go for starters”.

    “What about this then?”, says the husband. “£25 a week on makeup!!”.

    “But I need the makeup to make me look young and attractive for you” explains the wife.

    To which the husband shouts…
    “That’s what the fucking lager was for!!!”

  10. 10
    purpleline says:

    Looks like the Cop15 early visit by our Gord is designed to let him miss the attacks on drastic cuts in the MOD and unemployment numbers. He will not have to answer anything on Wednesday.

    I want to know why no Tory has pointed out the obvious, if our soldiers were well equiped and there were enough Helicopters then why are they buying another 20 Chinooks and why have Labour basked in the glory of the new equipment arriving in the last few weeks.

    Surely by definition these items were badly needed and the government simply never gave the Army the equipment required to perform out on Afghanistan.

    We should call all this equipemnt Americans as they came too late to the party

  11. 11
    solopolis says:

    I’m expecting hot hail, tsunami, earthguakes and the end of the world thanks to not-so-Flash Gordon.

    While we wait for Broon to totally wreck the country, the champagne communist, Len McCluskey is doing his bit to help the world socialist cause by trying to destroy British Airways.

    We need less government, and to reduce spending and cap salaries while we get the country out of debt. Sorry chaps but more tax is the pill we gonna have to swallow…

  12. 12
    babylonicus says:

    “Surprise surprise it’s not going to well. ”

    Bit like the spelling.

  13. 13
    Anonymous says:

    Is Afghanistan really worth all this loss of life, jobs and financial costs?

    Kin amazin that a rag tag bunch of peasants can run rings around Nato’s finest.

  14. 14

    I’d like to recommend Anna Raccoon’s excellent blog article this morning.

    If Jonah’s curse causes disaster to sportsmen, companies and anything that he touches. Think what the curse has done to the nations economy?

    Anna suggests a new unit of measure (a drone) – equivalent to the tax a worker on the minimum wage is taxed each year.

    Once you start doing calculations in “Drones”, you can make much better sense of the size and scale of Jonah’s financial curse on us.

  15. 15
    Gordon Brown says:

    I just totally wasted £25 !

    I bought a book called Tiger’s Favourite 18 Holes,

    Turns out its about golf.


  16. 16
    Hang The Bastards says:

    Brown “Bunked off” to Copenhagen to avoid an embarassing PMQ’s as he would be slaughtered by Cameron over the recent budget fiasco.

    True to form the bong-eyed-coward runs away.

  17. 17
    purpleline says:

    STAGFLATION IS COMING Inflation up again and with VAT next year the BOE will need to raise rates just as job losses and production and growth go down.

    Wlecome to Darlings Stagflation.

    Sorry off topic Guido, you need a breaking economic news thread ha ha .

    We are still selling gbp and Euro >Greece< effect 1.21 euro in January

  18. 18
    gone fuckin mental says:

    how many days to save the world ?

  19. 19
    A reply from a troughing MP says:

    Email reply from my local MP – James Arbuthnot – who bought 3 garlic presses with your money.

    I wrote and told him what I think of him and this is the reply;

    “Thank you for your e-mail about Parliamentary allowances.

    I believe the whole country will be relieved to know that the details recently released were the last relating to claims under the old system. That system has now gone for good and nobody will be sad to see it go. Although the precise make-up of the new system is yet to be finalised, its general shape seems clear and rigorous, and never again will there be claims such as the ones that I and others made before.

    It was after I made the claims to which these receipts refer that all of these issues hit the headlines; and in the light of that I decided not to claim any more of the second homes allowance until the matter had been sorted out – so this year I have made no such claims at all.

    The root of the problem of the old system was that because of the way it grew up – party leaders refusing independently recommended pay increases but sanctioning instead absurdly generous allowances – MPs began to treat the allowances as their own money rather than the public’s money. So they spent it on things they would have spent their own money on. This should never have happened, and nobody regrets it more than I do.”

    So,in other words,I am greedy and I just could not stop myself from taking your money and spending it on personal items that I should have paid for.

    Notice – the word “sorry” never appears.

    And he has not paid back the specific public monies that he admits he spent as his own.

    This at a time when two men are jailed for assaulting a robber in their own home etc etc.

    Justice? Not a shred.

  20. 20
  21. 21
    Blood boiler says:

    And the BBC advert for the Climate Change conference in Copenhagen – watch that and feel your blood boil.

  22. 22

    Gordon isn’t funny any more.

    So, to pay for the Chinooks that Gordon needs to win the election, he has to scrap our harriers and tornadoes. The cost, 1.5 billion quid, cannot be met otherwise. 1.5 billion quid. Why does that number sound so familiar? Oh yes, that was the exact amount that Gordon pledged, on a fucking, Hunting, whim,on Monday to the “developing” world, so that he could appear more caring than France or Germany. I odn’t recall the BBC asking where that money was coming from? I don’t recall cuts demanded elsehwere.

    So here’s the deal; to illustrate his socialist principles, Gordon will send our soldiers out to die, will strip away essential defence assets that this country, not afghanistan, *this country* need for its defence, and will fire british workers. This, for Gordon, is a good thing.

    Treason. It is fucking treason, and there is no other word. He has bankrupted this country, he has put our grandchildren in debt, and now he proposes to throw away our close up defence, to fund his own pre-election giveaways.

    Treason. A quick trial, a quick resolution. We need it.

    Grannies nationwide, get knitting; Gordon will need a lot of extra woolly vests so he doesn’t shiver on that long walk to the scaffold, where we will cut his fucking head off.

    Yes, for the avoidance of doubt Officers, I am inciting the trial, conviction, and the execution of our PM – want to make something of it?

  23. 23
    solopolis says:

    Only amazing in that they are on their own turf, are fighting using guerilla tactics against an enemy that is actively encouraging inclusion and trying to build an Afghan Militia based on NATO, regimented corp structures.

    It won’t work. The “New Afghan Army” will be regularly infiltrated by taliban as long as there is an open policy of recruitment by the occupying forces.

    The Afghan culture is based upon tribal groups. The individual tribes have always been meritocratic and served justice within themselves.

    They will not tolerate a federal government, especially one that tries to impose its will from Kabul.

    Imposing this will only create more “insurgents” (freedom fighters, if they’re on our side of course), and further insurrection.

    The Afghans are tough cookies. They live in freezing conditions during the winter, and in desert dry conditions during the summer. They’ve seen off the British in the past and the Soviets. Do not underestimate them.

  24. 24

    Why are all these union leaders scousers?

    Sorry. Don’t answer that. Stupid question.

  25. 25
    purpleline says:

    Funny how the Unite man is another Scot are all these fuckers just trying to destroy ENgland?

  26. 26
    nobbys nuts hurts says:

    I’m afraid Brown will be promising billions of pounds at Copenhagen. He just can’t stop throwing our money away.

  27. 27
    The IMF is coming says:

    Hague v Harperson

  28. 28
    Why don't we rise up and evict this monster NOW? says:

    And 20 Chinooks are ready to buy and fly just like that eh?

    This isn’t some kind of Tesco Bogof – wheel them out to your car and use immediately.

    Gordon Brown and his thugs are the perfume selling gang that used to operate outside Harrods;

    “And not only am I going to give you THREE after shaves,I am going to ADD a YSL Cologne!
    All for just a tenner.”

    Cue gang member in the crowd;

    “Oooh yes please ,I’ll buy two sets please” – exchanges money and walks 10 yards down the road,gives the perfume back to another gang member and returns as a “shopper”.

  29. 29
    Sir William Waad says:

    “Brown in Copehagen”

    “Climate Summit Hit by Blizzards”

  30. 30

    Do not underestimate them

    I dont’ think anyone with any sense ever did, and I doubt any squaddie does now. The Taliban will win, the British Army will lose. It’s simply a question of how many more soldiers die before the govt finds some plausible way of giving up.

    I imagine they’ll have one blistering over-manned, over-choppered summer – the fighting season in afghanistan – show a three or six month period when Johnny Raghead appears to be on the run, claim victory and skedaddle home in time for Christmas. Come spring, the Tallies will be in Kabul.

  31. 31
    Talksport Listener says:

    Was one of the reasons the Parliamentary Expenses come to light was because a MP put up CCTV after being attacked and was told that there was no reason for it to be on allowances but just to throw in a claim and it would be pais?

  32. 32
    God says:

    The whole Copenhagen thing is a con. It’s simply another boozy foodfest and platform for self-serving politicians who want the world to believe that they can do a damn thing about so-called “global warming” Fact is, they can do bugger-all about it, but they see it as an opportunity to play to the gallery about “saving the world” (where have we heard that before?) while they slap yet more taxes on us over so-called “green” issues. The daft masses lap it up and think that by bankrupting themselves and their countries, they can save a few polar bears – it never fails to amaze me how gullible humans can be!

  33. 33
    Anonymous says:

    These Rumours about Sarah and the turkey baster? There could be something in them, she’s just been given a present from the British Turkey Federation.

  34. 34
    anon, anon, anon...... says:

    I know this chap and what he really bought the garlic for was to ward off evil spirits. Gorgon?

  35. 35
    B Obama says:

    Stop calling me! FFS I am not going to give you a press conference or start saying that you saved the world. I am even cutting taxes on small businesses. Leave me alone. And never chase me through the kitchen again in desperation for a photo-op.

  36. 36
    Tiger Woods plate salesman says:

    A gap in the market,so to speak?

  37. 37
    Sir William Waad says:

    Why does he need three garlic presses? Keeping three kitchen maids just to press garlic is a little extravagant.

    I hope a never get stuck in a lift with Mr Arbuthnot. Phewww!

  38. 38
    Fry, Cohen, Krugman, Stern... says:

    Global Warming is true, you c’unts. Now fucking pay up!

    Up the Spurs!

  39. 39

    What airline is he flying around on?

  40. 40

    And the 15 minute attack on budget cuts in Ireland which was really a 15 minute attack on the need for budget cuts here.

    BBC vermin

  41. 41
    Sir William Waad says:

    She’s got a 90kg turkey already.

  42. 42
    concrete pump says:

    Thats a start, unfortunately, i turn on sky news, and there’s a story about the seas being bereft of fish, not due to over fishing.

    Due to ‘ climate change ‘.

  43. 43
    genghiz the kahn says:

    What about another bombardment of Copenhagen by the British, third time lucky?

  44. 44
    Animal says:

    Jesus, if that’s the fightcard for PMQ today it will be a slaughter.

  45. 45
    Archer Karcher says:

    Cameron never “slaughters” anyone, he is useless.

  46. 46
    One word suffices says:

    There is only one argument,one word and one country to use when considering the mess of Afghanistan;


  47. 47

    Not true – turkeys have guts.

  48. 48

    Funny that, because you know what the best word was to describe the mess in Vietnam?


  49. 49

    Anyone seen the chequebook? I think Gordon had it last but he promised it would be back here this morning. He’s gone where?

  50. 50
    Anonymous says:

    Why is it beyond the capability of UK PLC to produce its own transport Helicopters?

    You know design and produce our own and create British jobs. The Yanks are doing very well at supplying over priced Chinooks with an overpriced and second rate spares service (US forces take priority over foreign forces)

  51. 51
    Tanked up says:

    Run down by a bus – far too good for Hitler Balls – I would prefer he is tied to the front of a Brit tank and driven through Afghan villages until all that is left is the razor wire that held him.

  52. 52
    Popeye says:

    Let’s face it, almost singlehanded he has saved the financial world, saved Iraq (with a little help from WMD bliar), now off to save the climate world as we know it. Flash Gordon strikes again, faster than a speeding bullet, in giving away my tax monies, mightier than a clunking fist.
    I have to admit, I am completely in awe of this Titan.
    After lunch, he’ll suck in all the co2 and blow it away to Mars.

  53. 53
    Anonymous says:

    Quite which sort of implies that the Government expects to be in Afghanistan for at least a decade from now.

  54. 54
    It's a decade thing says:

    Funny,these things come around every ten years;

    2000 – the great big Millenium Bug – made millionaires out of IT guys and PC suppliers.

    2010 – Global Warming – even more rich people getting even richer.

  55. 55
    Now he's morphing into others says:

    Christ – its Gordon!

  56. 56
    Question For Harriet says:

    Labour have massively increased resources dedicated to rape, with rape councellors, rape crisis centres and special police rape units having been set up during the Labour years.

    What is your reaction to news that the number of rape convictions in London has fallen despite an increase in attacks?

  57. 57

    Didn’t I see Jonah being photographed next to a Tornado jet in Afghanistan earlier in the week during his “sleepover” trip ?

    Lets see what happens to them today ….

  58. 58
    Something fishy going on says:

    Well I have to say,the fish I had the other day DID taste a little CO2 ridden and I have noticed the daisies in my garden are not as white and yellow as before.

    We must be stark raving mad to sit and let these scum take us for this ride.

  59. 59
    Rehab says:

    As Gordon wants Copenhagen to be his legacy and as Gordon is addicted to giving British taxpayers money away by the tens of billions. You can be sure that Gordon’s Legacy is going to bankrupt Britain.

  60. 60
    Animal says:

    Read the post. It’s Hague not Cameron.

    Whoever it is is pretty irrelevant as Harperson will do her swivel-eyed turn and go all shrieky anyway. Could be a comedy lunchtime.

  61. 61
  62. 62
    Mr Ned says:

    Nice, imaginative and very bloody. I like that, but it would be over too quick!

    I would prefer a good weeks worth of entertainment to brighten us up on these long dark nights.

  63. 63
    Jonah Watch says:

    In the last 3 months Gordo gavean interview where he said Dave was a an “effective politician”

    it’s all been downhill since then!

    (labour made the bankers the villains rather than them/tainted tories with association with the bankers and the elite etc etc/seemingly increasing public mood for the “many” and association with labour/ignoring the deficit and banging on about the evil tories etc etc whilst at the same time making some pretty big cuts by stealth/flooding the phone ins (Whelan backing?) with stroppy scottish or tyneside callers spreading a “class war” myth and there is a lot more)

    much as I hate it they have been more effective since bad al has returned, i mean who ever would have thought gordo would get the better of dave at pmqs?

  64. 64
    Mr Ned says:

    Watch out for icy blasts coming down from the Arctic.

  65. 65
    Brown - the road to ruin says:

    Yeah – hear him last night – and the word that shivers me timbers is;

    Workers – “were keers” in that ghastly accent.

    Scots and Scousers – they both have crap football teams and bot are trying to ruin England.

  66. 66
    anon, anon, anon...... says:


  67. 67
    Roger Daley says:

    With his new Action man helmet – and bib on – All he needed was a pair of gloves tied to a piece of string laced through his sleeves – Superbroon saves the world stopping off in Copenhagen to bang heads together and make this world a better place.

  68. 68
    Archer Karcher says:

    “Come spring, the Tallies will be in Kabul.”

    It was always going to end like that.

    To impose any sort of order in such a place would take decades and massive slaughter, something none in the west has the stomach for.

    As soon as we leave, the end will begin for Karzai and everyone knows it. This war is the most obscene, decietful waste, that will turn out in the end to be, for absolutely nothing.

  69. 69

    Only 24 Hours to save the world!!!!!

    Shoot that fucking plane down before Jonah gets to Copenhagen or we are alll fucked for sure. Mind you I am a semi climate change denier (cant get nicked for that just yet can you?) My solutions are simple and outlined on

  70. 70
    next slide please, d-day says:

    The Irish understood the problems they faced and are dealing with them. Our own gutless fuckers are lying to the public about the seriousness of the situation we face and are pretending to deal with it by silly little cuts here and there. What we need is a bit of the Irish approach here. Slash the welfare state, slash public spending, slash public sector wages, raise contributions on public sector pensions and cut taxes on beer. A proper budget in a recession.

  71. 71
    The IMF is coming says:

    I happened across a few old PMQ’s on Youtube – GB used to get slaughtered all the time. I think they are just waiting for a New Year onslaught.

    Also saw Hague v Prescott – classic

  72. 72
    next slide please, d-day says:

    Carbon trading – another fucking commodity for bankers and wankers to clobber the British people with, raising our energy prices and forcing our pensioners into poverty.

  73. 73

    Quite – but no mention of necessity in the BBC report; nah, they were just cutting to be cruel. Horribly partisan one-sided “reporting”.

  74. 74
  75. 75

    Save The Planet

    Shoot Jonahs Plane down before it reaches Copenhagen.

    My solutions to save the planet are simple.

  76. 76
    solopolis says:

    A better option would be a doubling of troops for the next three months in order to have the manpower to withdraw without loss of equipment.

    An established, planned, removal of forces always requires considerable logistical support. It typically involves more resources than does an invasion.

  77. 77
    concrete pump says:

    Hague should be tory leader.

    His ability to destroy spiteful government waffle is brilliant.

  78. 78
    purpleline says:

    Funny you should say that, SKy are showing Merv the swerve King >BOE< BEING STOOD UP and kept waiting outside Number 10 and Number 11 this morning.

    I think it is very significant and shows exactly what is wrong at the top of our giovernment. It is hilarious and could see sterling sold if overseas news agencies take up the video and start pushing it.

    It was blooy cold and he never had a coat on.

    OIbviously nobody wants to meet the man who is paying the bills and keeping the lights on

  79. 79
    Mr Ned says:

    Well the staring gun has not officially been fired in the election campaign yet, so there is no legal requirement for equal time.

    The BBC is wasting no time in getting labour’s bullshit across. It is behaving like the number 10 Press office at the moment and this will become ever more apparent until the election is officially called.

  80. 80
    Anonymous says:

    Courtesy of Derek and Clive -:

    I heard that, er, George Stit had, er, moved away from, er, the, er, the Willesden area and, er, gone up, er, round Chadwell Heath.
    Climate change?
    Tch. ….. Oh my ….. Er, it’s funny you should say that ’cause you remember Enid? Who used to, erm, live across the road at number 104?
    Yeah, just next to 105.
    Er, she’s now working at the United Dairies down Green Lane.
    What, climate change?
    Tch, Christ. You remember the Nolan twins?
    Ohhh, yeah, …..
    Fifi? F-Fifi Nolan, …..
    ….. and …..
    And-, and Ronnie.
    And Ronnie Nolan, mmm.
    They’ve taken up darts.
    Climate change?

  81. 81
    Mr Ned says:

    Starting gun!, I meant starting gun… DOH!

  82. 82
    dunspending says:

    From the Express:-

    ‘140mph rail service is launched as Gordon Brown pledges to invest £20billion ‘ why are we having to cut back to afford a few helicopters?

  83. 83

    DEREK: Worst job I ever had, I’ll tell you, worst job I ever had…

    CLIVE: What?

    DEREK: All of them – paying sixty odd percent fucking tax, yea ron year, all the sneak taxes incldues, all that vat, the insurance tax, tlely tax, all that – for what?

    CLIVE: For what?

    DEREK: For fuck all, that’s what. Shitty schools, shitty cities, shitty streets, shitty countryside, people fucking everywhere, shitting, and no chinnooks.

    CLIVE: Nah. No Chinooks. I pulled one of those Chinooks out of Jayne Mansfield’s arse once. A nightmare getting the secodn rotor out. Covered in lobsters.

    DEREK: You know who I blame?

    CLIVE: Everyone?

    DEREK: Everyone. KAhnts.

  84. 84

    Ah, but the Beeb wouldnt’ even consider that Irish story *was* relevent, even if there was an election.

    of course it is – they’re *framing* the questions again. Bookending the debate. The BBC don’t so much as tell the other broadcasters and media what to say; they set the agenda, they shape the playing field. So in a story about budgetry cuts, the reporting is *entirely* focussed on the people who will lose out directly from the cuts. The doelscum and public sector wastrels. Not a single mention fo taxpayers. Not a mention of the *necessity* of cuts to avoid massive borrowing. Nopre. Those are simply not issues, not stories. The only story is cuts=BAD, govt spending=GOOD.

  85. 85
    Anonymous says:

    Mandelson gives me the horn!

  86. 86
  87. 87
    Anonymous says:

    The word is getting round.This extract was from a comment on a story in the local paper about Jonah praising a local factory.

    Gordon Brown has the reverse midas touch in that everything he touches turns to guano.
    I just hope this company can avoid being cursed by the one eyed son of a manse.

    anon, Sussex

  88. 88
    solopolis says:

    Charity begins at home.

    The foreign aid / overseas development budget needs to be zeroed.

    Payments to the EU need to be zeroed.

    Time we asked the EU for a big share of the Economic Development fund (or wahtever politicall correct name they’ve changed it to). We’re in a commercial clusterfuck of epic proportions at the moment. Its about time that we tapped up our “friends” over the channel for a few quid.

    When, and only when has this nation got some spare cash, should we then start to consider pissing away money in foreign projects where the money nearly always gets diverted into paying for non-government-organisation’s staff and for bribing local warlords.

  89. 89
    Sceptical Steve says:

    Having listened to Ed Balls berate Peter Allen last Wednesday evening on 5 Live, I am in no doubt that Nulab genuinely believe that the “State Broadcaster” has certain responsibilities…

  90. 90
    Unsworth says:

    Usually in a plastic bag.

  91. 91
    Gordon is always right - BBC says:

    I Listened to that this morning —– they interviewed some professor who said – paraphrasing – that Gordon was doing all the right things, and Dave’s plan to reduce public spending was all wrong. No challenges to him, just feeding him easy questions so he could get across his drivel. What has happened to the BBC??? It’s getting embarrassing!!

  92. 92
    Brown - the road to ruin says:

    If you heard the c*unt yesterday in HoC,he said UK will give away the 0.7% of GDP to overseas aid, PLUS more money for climate change.

    Brown – you are a thief and I want you arrested – which I suppose means that I will get arrested and jailed a la the two men who dared lay a cricket bat across the grotty face of a burglar.

  93. 93
    Number 7 says:

    Guido – Looks like the curse is already working.

    The “sainted” Al Gore has been caught out misquoting one of his own scientific cabal.

  94. 94
  95. 95
    Animal says:

    Christ alive what on earth is that load of waffle?

  96. 96
    Second rate BBC says:

    I’m getting sick to death of the light-weight journalism of the BBC on so-called ‘climate change.

    A couple of weeks back there was a story about how Liberia was effected by ‘rising sea-levels’ caused by, you know what. I pointed out that the uncontrolled anthropogenic degradation of the protective mangroves and ‘sand mining’ on a large scale had reduced the buffer against any minimal rise.

    Of course, there was the sob story of some woman whose hut kept being washed away and was convinced that global warming was at fault.

    The same thing is happening in the Malthusian nightmare that is Bangladesh.

    The Tigers are attacking folk because of, you’ve guessed it, global warming.

    It’s got nothing to do with local anthropogenic destruction of the environment in a region that is undergoing tectonic subsidence, permanently subject to monsoons and the reduction of both the halophyte forests and the fresh water forests being destroyed for centuries by extreme population pressure with, perhaps, no more than 300 tigers left in a few patches of marsh forest resenting the intrusion into their refuge and having a taste for macaques and humans because of the large number of corpses that are just washed around by flood rivers.

    Oh no, it’s climate change.

    And the sob story, women widowed and left with ‘x’ children. Who will support us now! Our men go fishing and those tigers…!

    Get a full background and you see how the ideology of climate change infects the second rate journalism.

    I quote:

    ‘One of the greatest challenges people living on the Ganges Delta may face in coming years is the threat of rising sea levels caused mostly by subsidence in the region.

    In many of the Indian mangrove wetlands, freshwater reaching the mangroves was considerably reduced from the late 19th century due to diversion of freshwater in the upstream area.

    Also, the Bengal Basin is slowly tilting towards the east due to neo-tectonic movement, forcing greater freshwater input to the Bangladesh Sundarbans.

    As a result, the salinity of the Bangladesh Sundarbans is much lower than that of the Indian Sundarbans. A 1990 study noted that there “is no evidence that environmental degradation in the Himalayas or a ‘greenhouse’ induced rise in sea level have aggravated floods in Bangladesh

    Now the BBC:

    Climate change is forcing humans and tigers in the Sunderbans delta of eastern India into closer contact – and attacks on people are on the rise. The BBC’s Chris Morris reports.

    They are magnificent, but deadly. Rarely seen, hidden in the jungles.

    But now the Royal Bengal tigers which roam through the vast mangrove forests at the mouth of the river Ganges are coming into closer contact, and conflict, with humans.

    “It all happened so quickly,” says Anar Ali Mullah, a fisherman who saw his neighbour Ahmad killed by a tiger just a few weeks ago.

    “The tiger attacked with such force,” he said, gesturing to his neck, “Ahmad didn’t stand a chance.”

    Dozens of people are killed every year by tigers in the Sundarbans. And local villagers say the number of attacks is increasing.

    Fishermen, honey-gatherers and poachers who venture deep into the forest are particularly vulnerable.

  97. 97
    REEVO says:

    Oh noes…

    The WMD were in downing street all along!

    If i was a Tory or indeed daft enough to be supporting any political party, I would concern myself that Gordon might actually praise my efforts or generally wish me well in the coming GE.

    Furthermore, instead of visiting UK troops perhaps the Brown should be made to visit and praise insurgent bomb making factories.

    Just another example of a wasted resource.

  98. 98
    Mr Ned says:

    It would be easy to impose order on Afghanistan. All you have to do is kill the entire native population and import a compliant population from overseas.

    OK that would be an incredibly illegal war crime on a par with anything Stalin did, but it is the only thing that would work

    Taming the native, tribal population will not work. They do not believe in western democracy, as it is not democratic. It is utterly corrupt and hostile to their ancient traditions and way of life. it is utterly alien to them and far worse (in their view) than the traditional systems that they have already.

    The Afghans are formidable fighters, and a person who is brought up from birth as a warrior, fighting on home turf, defending his family, with an unshakable belief in life after death and no fear of death at all, who is utterly ruthless with no respect AT ALL for his enemies life or the rules or international law of war? Well, that is one enemy you do not want to fight!

  99. 99
    Loan application declined says:

    Perfectly usual for “failed businesses” – your bank manager turns up to discuss calling in the loan and liquidating the company and miraculously all directors are out(although in this case the main culprit has already “done a runner” and left the country for Copenhagen)

  100. 100
    Thats News says:

    Yes, but he always comes back after the danger is over.

  101. 101
    Dodgy Dave says:

    Heaven sent. Jonah has his uses. Looks like Nopenhagen will fail…

  102. 102
    Pride's Purge says:

    Although to be fair, Al Gore’s Travelling Salvation Show was looking pretty tacky long before the Crumpled Caledonian blew into town. Didn’t stop Gordo offering £billions for a couple of bottles of Rev Al’s patent snake-oil though!

  103. 103
  104. 104

    Bloody Hell, it gets worse. I’ve just checked the old cheque book and there are a load of missing stubs. Anyone actually seen him at Copenhagen?

  105. 105
    Mr Ned says:

    To be fair, this bit, “MPs began to treat the allowances as their own money rather than the public’s money. So they spent it on things they would have spent their own money on. This should never have happened, and nobody regrets it more than I do.”

    Hits the nail on the head and shows that he seems to “get it”.

    They spent our money as if it was their own money and they should not have done.

    Now all he needs to do is learn how to apologise properly. This means acknowledging that wrong was done, how and why it was wrong, that there was personal culpability in that wrongness, that one acknowledges the personal culpability and takes full responsibility for that, that one expresses personal regret and sorrow for that and takes some action to ensure such wrongness ever happens again.

    This MP’s letter does get close to all these. Certainly a lot closer than anything Brown has ever written.

  106. 106
    Thats News says:

    Brown hopes to be re-elected and would then get a new chancellor (Darling would be shifted in a reshuffle) to introduce a Sir Stafford Cripps style austerity budget.

  107. 107
    John Prescott says:

    No female that’s breathin’ needs to use a turkey baster while I’m around – not even Sarah! It was t’least I could do for me old pal Gordon. I prefer ‘arriet though – she’s a bit more breathlessly enthusiastic in the shagging department!

  108. 108
    Nick2 says:

    Not only the Irish, but the Greek government is sharply reducing public expenditure. R4 did mention it last night but it seemed to me that the whinging greek civil servants got more airtime than the Prime Minister’s explanation of the need for cuts.

  109. 109
    Mr Ned says:

    There are blizzards forecast for the end of the week. I bet all the news media will report the end of the summit from inside the convention centre. They will want to avoid showing freezing reporters outside in the snow reporting on global warming.

  110. 110
    Mr Ned says:


    Thanks a fuckin bunch John, I shall have to disinfect my brain to get that image out! ya twat!

  111. 111
    Nick2 says:

    Break up the BBC ASAP, and initially privatise its constituent divisions. Allow other broadcasters to bid to put on high quality public service broadcasting. Move as fast as possible to (non BBC related) paid advertising and subscription models.

  112. 112
    Tartwatch says:

    Missing Mandy.

  113. 113
    Real Alternative says:

    Hague is a real leader. Why have the Tories got that lightweight and his even lighterweight mini me shadow chancellor?

  114. 114
    Nick2 says:

    Well, it’s nice to hear a scientist pointing out that detected global warming is a consequence of (amongst other things) convergence of various cyclical trends.

    I’m less impressed at his pitch for wind turbines and biofuels. Rather than clutter up the UK & its offshore shelf with expensive, unreliable wind turbines, why not promote solar thermal power stations in Spain & Morocco, then transmit the power generated using underwater cables? Transmission losses would be a problem but apparently that’s been resolved in the BritNed electrical interconnector. And it’s sunny in the desert practically every day…

  115. 115
    Real Alternative says:

    BluLabour Cameron has signed up for it too. We are all doomed whoever gets into Number 10 next year.

    We need a real alternative

  116. 116
    Pride's Purge says:

    Let’s suppose something comes out of Copenhagen: we all know the “British” government (the Calamitous Caledonian or Cast Iron Dave) will enforce it with all possible bells and whistles on Britain, whilst it is ignored in China and India. Unless, that is, we pay them a fortune in borrowed money to pretend to enforce it.

    Result? What remains of British industry will be carpet-bombed out of existence by cheap imports from these countries. Wake up FFS, this isn’t about the climate, it’s about the de-industrialisation of the west. Take a look at the future: no proper industry at all, but Britain will be a leading “financial centre” – parcelling up the world’s unpayable debts into packages which can be missold as “assets” in the world’s biggest Ponzi scheme.

    Thatcher and Majorette started the destruction of Britain, Blair carried it on, and we may well only have the next election to stop Gordo, Cast iron Dave or the Lib Dem one from completing it. Revolution, Anyone?

  117. 117
    Real Alternative says:

    Cameron is BluLabour: DC won’t get rid of the 50% band, DC won’t get rid of the bankers’ bonus tax, DC won’t get rid of green taxes, DC won’t get back the £1.5bn Gordy gave away to the warmists, DC won’t give us an EU referrendum. Cameron is New Labour with a blue rinse.

    We need a real alternative.

  118. 118
    Nick2 says:

    Not only can’t NATO fight the Taliban effectively, but up to 80% of Afghan soldiers are permanently stoned – and according to their commanding officer the only ‘volunteers’ the Afghan Army gets are from young miscreants who’ve been thrown out of their home villages and have no-where else to wash up.

    Predictably the Labour government’s plan for getting the hell out is to replace NATO troops with these drugged up psychopaths! Doomed to fail!

  119. 119
    Real Alternative says:

    Pride you got it right.

    It does not matter whether Brown or Cameron wins at the next election we will have the same thing: New Labour or BluLabour. We need a real alternative. Someone who will cut taxes not raise them (nor keep Browns raises as Cameron will do). We need someone who will throw away these damaging “green” taxes. Look at the Canadians, they are saying fuck off to Kyoto and fuck off to Copenhagen and are they in recession? Look at Australia, their conservatives (oddly called the Liberal party) are also saying fuck off to the warmists. We need a real alternative that will give us a referendum on the EU.

    Remember Vote Blue, get Green? More like Vote Blue get more of Brown.

    We need a real alternative.

  120. 120
    Real Alternative says:

    A real scientist. Listen to him, Cameron hasn’t. Cameron will sign up to Copenhagen too, he is BluLabour, the same old, same old.

    We need a real alternative.

  121. 121
    Max says:

    Real Alternative etc; here’s a well balanced view on what you think Our Dave has “signed up” for (and you won’t find such thinking on any ZNL website or indeed the Boob nor Sky these days): Dan Lewis.

    If anyone is still “wavering”, assuming you are not all Campbell’s Chumps, I suggest the tory party (alone currently amongst the mainstream) will think before it acts.

    PS Don’t post me lots of Dave’s quotes on the subject; clearly the tories need to win the election first and telling people they’re thick is not a vote winner. Bread, circuses etc.

  122. 122
    Dodgy Dave says:

    Well said FF. Our troops should be back here protecting us from our f***ing government. Instead, they’ve ‘conveniently’ been despatched to the world’s slaughterhouse STAN. Same goes for US troops. I hope lawyers are looking into the treason laws.

  123. 123
    Real Alternative says:

    “Is Afghanistan really worth all this loss of life, jobs and financial costs?”

    No, and BluLabour Cameron says that “it was ‘pretty unlikely’ troop numbers would be reduced by the Conservatives”. So it is yet another New Labour policy that Cameron will keep. Heir to Blair.

    We need a real alternative.

  124. 124
    Sarge says:

    We sold it off.

  125. 125
    Mr Ned says:

    “The angry men who seek to derail this agreement, and all such limits on their self-fulfilment, have understood this better than we have. A new movement, most visible in North America and Australia, but now apparent everywhere, demands to trample on the lives of others as if this were a human right.”

    Fuck off monbiot you Hunt! Your “scientists” (so-called) cannot back up their wild and unsubstantiated claims with real empirical evidence so you are inventing a completely false argument and putting that in the mouths of your adversaries. In short, you lie to cover up your shortcomings.

    I know of no-one that wants irresponsible consumption (other than those who have just chartered private jets into Copenhagen just to lecture others on the need to not fly anymore) All we ‘sceptics’ want is for your scientists to step up and justify their specious claims with real, unadjusted, non-homogenised, untwisted, non-computer generated empirical evidence that carbon has caused warming that could not possibly have occurred without the increase in carbon. They have NOT done that.

    They can’t. They cannot even produce a reliable and trustworthy record of what the temperatures have been! They admit that they do not know how clouds work and effect global climate, the admit that they do not know how the sun works in any great detail and they admit that there is so little that they actually know about the oceans. For example, they do not know how many sub-sea volcanoes there are, let alone how much heat they put into the ocean!

    Without knowing all these and more in detail, they cannot possibly model the climate accurately, so all the IPCC models are useless as tools to project future climate change. Models should only be used as a way to test a hypothesis against reality. If reality does not act like the model (based on the hypothesis) then the hypothesis is WRONG. Climate models have been used to test a hypothesis against a model. That is why they have all, ALL, failed to project modern levelling off of real global temperatures. So the climate scientists (have now been caught) fixing the data to match the hypothesis, instead of admitting that they were wrong and they do not know enough to be sure. instead of admitting that the SCIENCE IS NOT SETTLED! It cannot possibly be settled. How the hell can it be when we still have intense debates within oceanography, and cloud study and solar study and all the other areas that make up the climate.

    How can there be a reliable consensus, when there is so much disagreement on so many of the bits that make up the whole.

    Long analogy ahead.

    It is like mathematicians saying that the answer is 1000, now let’s invent the sum to get there, Pure mathematicians say that there must be a 10 in there, because 1000 is divisible by 10. Then trigonometry experts insist on including a right angled triangle, because Pythagoras has stood the test of time and so it has. Experts in algebra want to have an X and a Y in there and an A,B + C = E. or on closer inspection perhaps that should be A,B + C = G instead, but there is confusion surrounding the letter X as it has never been defined. Emails are leaked claiming they know that real evidence shows Y should be Z, but do not tell anyone, because we have a trick to hide the Z and show Y instead. When asked about all the other letters, which have historically shown may lead to many many different natural answers, are not defined or used or understood at all, this is admitted but said to be irrelevant.

    When sceptics point out the gaping great hole in the algebra all the mathematician’s publicists and supporters in the media and politics claim the sceptics are crazy for denying Pythagoras.

    Not true, YOU have hidden Z and you don’t even know what M is, let alone G, H, I, J or K!

    The pure mathematicians and the experts in trigonometry are correct, and are not largely concerned with the sum equalling 1000, because their own maths is accepted as fundamental truth. They go along with the “the sum = 1000″ line because their own maths does not formerly dispute it and they MUST accept that sum to get further funding, but the people doing the algebra are coming up with all sorts of rubbish to force the the sum to equal 1000.

    Then they lecture us on the need to never ever use the number 2. We must get rid of the number 2, as they all go to Copenhagen and produce nothing but HUGE amounts of number 2.

  126. 126
    Sarge says:

    Copenhagentrough. They never stop getting their snouts in under any pretext

  127. 127
    Real Alternative says:


    “oh yes, that was the exact amount that Gordon pledged, on a fucking, Hunting, whim,on Monday to the “developing” world”

    Yeah, our money. But you know what? BlueLabour Cameron has not said that he will stop that money. He is exactly the same as Brown, he will spend our money on this warmist nonsense.

    So here’s the deal, if Cameron does not reverse Browns damaging cuts and waste then he should be tried too. I am listening… no I cannot hear Cameron saying that he will withdraw us immediately from Afghanistan. They are all the fucking same!

    Cameron will impose the same taxes, the same green taxes, give our money away juyst like Brown, Cameron will keep us in Afghanistan and the fucker still won’t give us an EU referendum! BluLabour Cameron.

    We need a real alternative.

  128. 128
    Sarge says:

    Senor Ned. They have spent twelve years inventing answers then finding questions to validate them. Who can forget the 2001 foot and mouth outbreak and Blair’s wonderful graph which showed all outbreaks would cease on the day of the election?

    Suspend belief when our government originally came to power on the premise
    ‘ Nothing much will change but we will be totally radical’

  129. 129
    Anonymous says:

    Real alternative

    what do you think Labour and Pravda would say if he didn’t sign up. The whole world would fall on his head unfairly of course but why give them a stick to beat you with.

    Paitence the time is drawing near but just before ‘winterval’ AINT THE TIME!!! In the cold light of January then open up with everything.

  130. 130
    Fabian Pride says:

    Don’t be so culturally insensitive – new comers to our rainbow nation may have rape in their culture and customs – who are we to judge them and their proud heritage?

  131. 131
    Mr Ned says:

    This mirrors the report that Polar bears have started eating their young because their habitat has been melted by climate change and they are running out of room.

    Ignoring the reality that polar bear numbers are double what they were 40 years ago (due to restrictions on hunting in some areas) and male adult polar bears have ALWAYS eaten the young of other polar bears (not their own offspring, generally) that have strayed too close. It is normal polar bear behaviour.

    The publisher issued a small retraction after some days.

  132. 132
    Professor Prescott of Beijing University of Climate Change says:

    Bloody Tory Blair more like. Even though i wer’ his deputy for those years I never liked him.

    He is not a socialist like what I am.

  133. 133
    purpleline says:

    These are not due to come off the production line until June 2012.

    So Browns get them home for Xmas 2010 electioneering rehetoric is shown up for what it is. Pathetic why can a Tory MP not call this Hunt a Hunt in Parliament.

    I would if elected and I would jump across the floor and kick the Hunt in his head. He deserves to die.

  134. 134
    Anonymous says:

    AND I understand that you used to work for cunard as well ……John ?

  135. 135

    THank God he’s gone to Copenhagen. The “conference” will thus fail as it should. It is right and good that poor people, both the world over and here, ought not to be saddled with yet more statist control – this time of energy isage and food: far more dangerous than ever before, as poor sad tormented Kick griffin has pointed out:-

    Griffin is the rep of a stalist leftist party. What differentiates him from the other statist leftists who want hiim killed is that they want him killed now as he’s one of them, and us later as we are not the same as them.

  136. 136
    Pissboiler says:


    I am sick of hearing Thatcher destroyed Britain. She fucked those up the ass that did not want to work and held this country to ransom while repairing the damage done by the previous LABOUR government. Just like they will have to do all over again except this time its really screwed. I lived through the 60’s 70’s etc etc. The only time I have been out of work in my life was 3 times UNDER A LABOUR GOVERNMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Oh what the fucks the point just vote for whoever you want but remember as you scratch your cross only the Tories can be sure to get rid of Brown. Don’t come crying to us when they Labour fuck you again big style which they will. Labour have fucked it all up again anyway so who the fuck cares anymore and to think they said they took over a broken economy.

    My piss boils whenever I see one of them c unts.

    Rant over

  137. 137

    But the Tank is under repair, in Germany somwehere?

  138. 138
    Pissboiler says:

    Well suggest one them fuckwit. Go on give us a clue but only say UKIP and Beeandp if you want 5 more agonising years of Brown and Labour.

    No you cant then can you well let me suggest a way. Vote Tory and kill Brown off and his party and when thats done vote for who the fuck you like. You can then have an alternative but until the Brown regime is removed you can shout all day on here you will just get more of the fucking same!


  139. 139
    Anonymous says:

    err yes Purpleline. Where have you been for the last 12 years its all well planned? They did not call it a NuLabour project for nothing.
    The final bit will be where Labour get kicked out having screwed England entirely and wash up in Scotland screaming for Independence as a sovereign nation within the EU.

    All so predictable. *stares into the distance and sighs*

  140. 140
    Mr Ned says:

    People like us, who are pissed off with BOTH tory and labour and want a real alternative, outnumber labour and tory supporters combined.

    Unfortunately most of us will not even bother voting. This is a shame, because if we all did, we would slaughter the mainstream parties.

    I will be voting UKIP anyway. I cannot in good conscience support giving more money and sovereignty away to the EU dictatorship, wasting more money on the climate change scam, increasing workplace taxes, and throwing more lives away in the ‘stans!

    I see no signs at all that Cameron is changing his ‘pro new-labour’ tune on any of these fundamental issues.

  141. 141
    Mr Ned says:

    This is not actually a left vs right issue, although the right are generally more open to truth than the left on this. It is actually a pro-human, pro nature vs anti human, anti nature issue.

  142. 142
    dracula says:

    I demand my place at the table.

  143. 143
    ullage says:

    The One programme last night, HIGNFY – there’s no escape. We must all be indoctrinated. All your brain are belong to us.

  144. 144
    ♫ Scam, Scam, Scam, Scam ♫ says:

    Never in the field of human cornflakes were so many conned by so few

  145. 145
    Anonymous says:

    ryan Giggs got sports personality of the year?! WTF?!

    didn’t he like retire 10 years ago?

    When we’ve had at least button and that great boxer guy this year, why the bloodybugger has it gone to giggs?!
    Would have been better to go to one of those people that do those silly neadethal runny about/throw things stuff that they call athletics.

  146. 146
    Twisted budgets says:

    Budget deficits in Europe putting real pressure on the Euro zone, and the Euro currency. This video article is actually interesting, but alas it was on Channel 4 news, not on the BBC who want to hide these things from the people.

    What would people do if they FINALLY knew they have been royally screwed by New Labour, and are STILL being screwed by delaying the pain for longer, making the pain worse when it comes.

    Socialists all following the ruinous policies of Keynesian economics. Taxes need to be cut, and public sector needs to be cut, not what we’ve ended up with, an increase of taxes and increased public sector.

  147. 147
    Bri says:

    Treason as a crime was taken off the statute books early on by Brown/Blair, I wonder why.

  148. 148
    Angry says:

    Is that the clown who was on Radio 4 this morning saying that creating public sector jobs was the best way to stimulate the economy. He quoted the fact that the NHS had recruited an extra 61,000 people in the last year. If we were to put a very conservative estimate that they will earn on average £20k each (without considering the gigantic pension liability) then that is an extra £1.2bn is wages alone.

    This idiot (an economist) was suggesting that in order to sort out the financial mess of this country we should increase public sector employment and then impliment taxes on the very, very rich. I could not believe my ears. The BBC must have trawled Gordon phone list to find any serious thinker who would suggest such fiscal suicide.

    Obviously there was no-one to put the other side of the argumenent.

  149. 149
    Half eyed Scottish idiot says:

    Going to Copenhagen to jinx the Warmists.

    Best thing he has done all year!

    Better still if he stopped there.

  150. 150
    Bottle Fed Triplet says:

    Stacey Soloman doesn’t have an Essex accent. Could she be a Cockney Asylum Seeker perhaps?

  151. 151
    Roger Daley says:

    Two Brit soldiers killed in Afghanistan today.

    I fucking knew it !

  152. 152
    L'Oncle Vanya De Camolodunum says:

    Gordoom McRuin is the ‘Man With Arm of Shite’. Everything he touches turns into an oderifious stink.

    And now, after the success of Oliver, The Musical, a theatre in Westminster proudly presents Oliver, The Farce.

    Perfectly cast as Fagin, Gordoon (Got to Pick a Pocket or Two) Brown; his young sidekick, the Artful Dodger, Alistair (I’m Reviewing the Situation) Darling; the roguish Bill Sikes, Dark Lord Mandelson; his snapping dog Bull’s Eye, Alistair Campbell; his screaming harpie Nancy, Harriet Hormone and finally, the inspired choice of Oliver, the boy who is always asking for more, Tony Blair!

  153. 153
    Sting's Beard says:

    Intersting that and in a little noticed move the uk also signed up to an international conevention abolishing capital punishment for piracy

  154. 154
    Sting's Beard says:

    Sorry to tell you Darling but I think he’s also found the credit cards as well we’ve been stitched up like a kipper

  155. 155
    Sting's Beard says:

    What about us pro human anti nature kinda guys

  156. 156
    Sting's Beard says:

    When Gordon Brown was a child it was not normal in Scotland for fathers to eat their children. The results are all too obvious. I’m with the Polar bears on this one!

  157. 157
    Bob E. Moore says:

    Should have gone to Jocky Wilson (is he alive?) or perhaps Alex Higgins. Two other has-beens from sporting history.

    Ryan Giggs —- why?

  158. 158

    I’ve always known Brown was the Anti-Midas.

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