Don’t All Rush
Beyond parody :
At least he is a Christian…
Another Twittish Tweet from Kerry McCarthy | BBC
What’s the Point of Our Anti-Business Secretary? | Ruth Porter
HuffPo Hiring Pro-Iranian Mehdi “Act of Desperation” | Fox News
Krugman is Seductive, Simplistic and Unrealistic | Jeremy Warner
Lower Taxes, Higher Growth, the Statistical Evidence | CPS
Bash the Unions, Gatecrash the Quangos | ConservativeHome
I Told You So: Euro is Doomed | Douglas Carswell
PM Speaks for the Nation When Bashing Balls | Quentin Letts
Time for an Alliance | Dan Hannan
Farage’s Plan | ConservativeHome
Guardian Open News is a Failure | Heather Brooke
Balls Calls for Deeper Cuts | Speccie
Lessons from the Thirties | CPS
PMQs Idiots | Harry Cole
Jon Cruddas is Not the Messiah | Dan Hodges
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Lord Lamont told ITV News…
“I think the PM is just human and Ed Balls is a pretty irritating person”
wrap up Guido.
there is a general election campaign going on. didn’t anyone tell you?
Once again, nothing to see here, move along….
Guido, I am becoming seriously worried about the lack of meaty stories. This is so out of character I beginning to wonder whether you have turned native (ie paintballing) following some gentle pressure from the establishment? Have you been compromised perchance?? Have they somehow got hold of your scrotum and are refusing to let go? I think we should be told.
“You are either in front of Guido, or you are behind…”
Very Good Very Good
Excellent
What’s ex-Mr Rebekah Wade doing there?
It has been a touch weak lately, Guido. Sources dried up or are you saving something for a big spectacular?
This is where the difference between the professional and the self driven expert shows up. The blogger can often produce a higher quality in any single one-off occasion (as you’ve proved) than a pro, but the key quality is to produce a consistently high level over time and in adverse circumstances. In the field of journalism the MSM are highly skilled at the latter because it’s what covers them in the lean times
Rich and mark and Emily and Guy News are all very well, but they’re a bit of a distraction from the longer term lack of a string of front-page-making stories. If I were your advertisers I wouldn’t be worrying yet and doubtless you can deliver a good base level of interest. But unaddressed this is a problem as it’s no substitute for adrenalin and in time you’ll get overtaken by newcomers or outplayed by others in the field …
Please accept a full refund etc.
Give him a break. He’s just finished re-education camp.
Perhaps the all Jonah watching is taking its price.
Brown is small fry, he has no power, Dave is small fry he has no power, they choose to surrender it for vanity and personal gain.
They give not a crap for you or this country – ooops sorry the fascist EU,s powerless state previously known as great britain. Now known as third world shit hole, with unrepayable debt and no industry – the new africa.
The power was taken by the Bankers and their royal backers AKA the NWO, using groups are politicians whore themselfs to such as – the bilderburgers, trilateral commision, communist purpose, club of rome, the undemocratic unmandated fascist EU, the war is peace brianwashing through the media.
all these people are pissing themselfs laughing at the fact that you still support them while they deliberately destroy you for their own gain.
Remember hese fockers signed you over to an unelected elitist cabal, they play a part in torturing people and sweep it under the crapet, they invaded countries and murdered millions on a lie and even if it were not a lie it was a war crime an illegal war.
Think of those children they mercilessly murdered, if they will murder those children for their own gain then they would murder yours.
think about it, all the while you support the warmongering bank bailing NWO whores you will end up with a system that will make stalin look like father christmas.
all you supporting dave and gordon since the wars are backing criminal murder.
YOU are responsible as much as them, now go look on live leak and other such video sites and take a nice long look at the children you have helped to murder.
No doubt Guido will delete this post as guido is nothing but a distraction to prevent you looking at the real issues and to undermine democracy by discrediting politicians over trivia such as claiming for a duck house, which guido gives massive amount of webspace too yet ignores almost every other issue that will really effect us – such as treason, he also deletes and censors like the totalitarian he is.
you are all mugs.
your children will not thank you.
why are you deleting this video guido, it explains the banking system and the corruptio of politics that exposes the parties as a sham.
it is key to understanding modern politics and enlightening your readers choices and views yet a totalitarian shit like you likes to keep his readers in the dark with his trivial shite.
you are the enemy of the people and freedom guido.
All correct. I don’t know what video that is as videos are blocked where I am at the moment, but if it is the money masters or anything like that, then it is true. Money was worthless paper, now bits in a computer database, created out of nothing and loaned into circulation at interest. the interest is never ever created and so can only be repaid by the creation of more loans (again, at interest)
It is a bigger scam than Climate Change, insofar as it is the creation of ALL money on earth that has come from any nation’s central bank. ALL money was leant into circulation, either directly, or via an assortment of financial instruments, and is therefore owned by and owed to a bank.
It begs the question, IF money can be created out of thin air, (and it is) WHY is there any debt? Unless by design?
Get yer head down Ned ya lazy bugger
Hope Guido keeps that post and video up. The destruction of free markets and democracy goes right to the top. Follow the money, and it leads to the shady owners of central banks and the elite…
So tell us miss or master Bigmouth,
enemy of the system,
superhero.
Tell us honestly how much you give to these bastards in the way of income tax?
Surely you are not so hypocritical as to accuse Big G of hypocricy whilst you are pathetically and powerlessly supporting the system yourselves!
Tell me Suke or Altas Shrugged,
How much income tax have you paid over your working life?
TWAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just want my unrecyclable bins emptied every week. All the crap above may be true, but it makes my head hurt!
So Mr Ned,
you are work, you pay income tax, you are a good slave of the system!
Children, the message is worthless unless it is backed by actions!
Nobody, except fools, listen to a message unless the messanger has the credibility of backing his or her words with actions that run in exactly the same direction.
DO YOU GET PAID IN CARROTS? DO YOU REFUSE TO USE THE CASH THAT YOU DECRY!
Hypocrisy upon hypocricy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Vote Dave get more Brown. Dave is Blue rinse labour, bluLabour. They are all the same.
We need a real alternative. Not Cameron the Heir to Blair.
Post of the week. Well done
Fantastic post, Vote for D get G!
Hope Guido does not delete it – although he has deleted similar posts that get too near to the truth.
Edmonton shatters cold record
At -46.1 C, coldest city on the continent beats previous benchmark low by 10 degrees
http://www.canada.com/technology/Edmonton+shatters+cold+record/2336460/story.html
http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2009/dec/15/bets-white-christmas
That’s what you get with global warming, numbnuts. You get more extremes.
Hence we get rainfall records being exceeded, heatwaves, you name it.
Think how mant months/years/decades have been hottest/wettest/whatever recently.
Since when? Records were amended or deleted? Fucktwit.
Bollocks! you get more records broken because the record is so fucking short. Or are you saying that it is colder in Edmonton now that it was during the little ice age? Or the last full ice age >15,000 years before now?
More fuckwits and all.
So this is the kind of global warming that actually makes it colder?
Pull the other one.
If Global Warming is bad, then this news must surely be fucking fantastic. Can’t wait to see this on the BBC later………………
Oh Wait. Ahem. It felt so good for a few moments. This is bad isn’t it? Because it makes the BBC look like lying twats. And the Cabinet, and CRU, and Al Gore, and Tony Blair.
Sorry, I was much too hasty there.
Al Gore confesses to being a fucking liar, hoping to makes billions in carbon trading.
http://www.thefirstpost.co.uk/57463,people,news,truth-proves-inconvenient-for-al-gore-at-copenhagen-ice-free-arctic-climate-change?DCMP=NLC-daily
We could do with some global warming round here, it’s effing freezing!
As for the line on the BBC recently that this was the warmest year on record, I must be living in the wrong county or country, so bollocks to it. Sounds like they need to recalibrate their thermometers.
You ain’t gonna believe this but it was MRs T who set up the IPCC and financed scientists to link Global warming with CO2… In her battle with the miners she wanted good reasons to go Nuclear…Once money and Politicians became involved impartial science never stood a chance.
That is not the root of the whole “man made global warming/climate change” hypothesis. She did jump on the bandwagon and promote the idea to boost nuclear power, but the whole scam started long before Thatcher got into power.
True but she made it respectable
State volcanologists raised the alert level on the cone-shaped, 8,070-foot (2,460-meter) Mayon volcano overnight to two steps below a major eruption after ash explosions.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091215/ap_on_re_as/as_philippines_volcano
The principal components of volcanic gases are water vapor (H2O), carbon dioxide (CO2), sulphur
How you going to tax the volcano then Gordon?
These bastards morph the rules of engagement to suit the real politic of the day. There is NO consistency apart from a desire to control and get crazy rich.
Yachts can never be too big, and you can never have enough. You think you are the biggest winky in the Port Marina, and before you know it another vessel twice as big turns up. It is just so fucking unfair. Super Yachts are good for the climate. Ask Al Gore.
My super yatch is carbon neutral
Mrs T created the MPs expenses rules, and told them to claim for Duck Houses. Buit she really did know how to kick ass. Not like that prat Cameron (heir to Blair).
new research, by NASA’s William Lau and collaborators, reinforces with detailed numerical analysis what earlier studies suggest: that soot and dust contribute as much (or more) to atmospheric warming in the Himalayas as greenhouse gases
http://www.nasa.gov/topics/earth/features/himalayan-warming.html
Just read about the astonishing attack on Cameron and Osborne by Stephen Greenhalgh,Tory council leader in Hammersmith.He stated that the Tory leadership ‘ couldn’t run a ‘piss up in a brewery.’He was at university with them so he should know them well.Check it out in Mail on Line.
Cameron’s team couldn’t run a p*** up in a brewery, says key Tory aide (who knew most of them at university)
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1231601/Camerons-team-job-says-aide-astonishing-attack.html
Is it because they are recovering alcoholics? Just asking.
are you a recovering alcoholic, nike? just asking.
No, I am an ex Crack Cocaine Whore, with 3 crippled children. You Utter Shit.
Thank fuck for that, I almost thought you were going to ask if I supported Chelsea. That would have been embarassing.
Cameron is a disgrace. He will keep all of NuLabour’s taxes and add a green tax of his own. Bastard. The Conservatives need a real leader, not a bluLabour leader.
I used to have a wrapping paper business, but it folded.
My company maunactures elevators – business is up and down
My local dentist is trying to find a new profession but having no luck.
He’s continuing to look down in the mouth.
It is a hand to mouth way of life.
The clock repairer in our town is just about ticking along.
Our garage is motoring along. Lovely of the taxpayers to invest so much in quality German cars, protecting German jobs. Oh, and Japanese, Korean, and Italian etc.
Our local sausage maker is just making ends meat.
Even down at the sewerage works they are just going through the motions.
Working at Warburtons cos I kneed the dough.
Whereas I work for Heinz because I can
Stoke-on-Trent’s ceramics industry is going down the pan.
My father invented the rubber grappling hook, it never caught on!
I used to know an arborist called Theresa Green.
She loved a game of snooker with her best mate Jock McHugh.
I used to have a business until THAT INCOMPETANT CNUT BROWN RIGHT ROYALLY FUCKED THE ECONOMY AND TAXED THE SHIT OUT OF IT!!!
Sorry, no punchline, just a rant. That is all.
Now if they were offering Gordon Brown toilet paper?
http://www.presentsformen.co.uk/product.asp?pf_id=8795&gclid=CPTTufva2J4CFSBk4wodf3SLrw
‘Toilet paper’ indeed! Tchah!
Desmond’s toilet paper could have had the strap line: Tutu poo poo paper. Instant classic.
I think it would probably be unwise to sink your life saving into such a venture.
Never ignore a pooh-pooh. I knew a Major, who got pooh-poohed, made the mistake of ignoring the pooh-pooh. He pooh-poohed it! Fatal error! ‘Cos it turned out all along that the soldier who pooh-poohed him had been pooh-poohing a lot of other officers who pooh-poohed their pooh-poohs. In the end, we had to disband the regiment. Morale totally destroyed… by pooh-pooh!
That Fawlty Towers, eh. Classic.
Blackadder goes Forth, methinks
Bob the Builder?
Next Week Free Toilet Paper with The Mirror designed by Kevin Maguire
Followed up by the Mark Oaten dinner set.
Plus Sarah Brown’s Festive Turkey Baster.
One lump or two?
Too late, already use the Mirrror for toilet paper
Tutu loo loo poo poo doo doo paper
Is that another name for Scottish bank notes ?
What’s wrong with wiping your arse on a rabbit?
Hang on this isn’t the joke thread is it? Bollocks.
Jingle bells.
Shhhhh….you ain’t seen me and my pals, right?
What? Aren’t there enough graphic designers out of work or with slim orderbooks, without the Grauniad taking the food from their mouths?
Gollocks.
I was given a turkey baster last Christmas and I am not really sure how to use it
So was I a few years back. Luckily I knew what it was for and it spared me sleeping with that fat saggy cocktrumpet of a husband I married to help dispel rumours about him.
Terrific I shall wrap that bottle of Nick Griffin after-shave (scent of fear) in it and send a bottle to Alan Rusbridger, he will be delighted to receive it I’m certain!
Communist terrorist c*nt,
just like the grauniad to do that.
Utter, utter c*nt’s
You still have to buy the Grauniad though
This would have been topical a week ago
Don’t mock. That is one of the better designs. Last year the Guardian did a similar thing and the issue I bought had wrapping paper designed by some BritArt protegee (I think it was Tracey or Damien) which had obscenities on it.
If someone gave you a present wrapped in the Grauniad, you’d give it back, wouldn’t you? Does the same apply to their sweary wrapping paper?
Get back on message Guardian, Xmas wrapping paper is a no no, trying to destroy the Planet or what?
ah-ah. Not Xmas wrapping. It’s “Festive” wrapping.
Let’s not upset any of those lentil munching, sandal wearing, tree-hugging, car hating Grauniad readers, eh?
Wouldn’t have my fish and chips wrapped in it, innit.
Err… is that His Grace, Archbishop Desmond Tutu? And you’re worried about the religious significance?
So now the Guingand, in association with Tutu the terrible are trying to upset the Muslims now! Charming!
My degree ain’t worth the paper it’s written on
Nor are our banknotes.
This story is a week old – Guido is definitely losing it ………………
Absolutely crazy, Tata pick up £900 million by walking away and whys the lunatic in chief rushing back to Copenhagen?, to stuff this country completely that’s what for.
I always wondered why they’re called Tata. Now I know.
Well known Indian Take Away. Boy did they take a lot away. 1700 jobs gone and Brown paid them to do it! Fucking incredible.
They should close the whole of the feckin north east, labour voting incestuous vermin!
Hadaway ‘n shite! So what are yeez ganna dee aboorit?
They originally asked Mugabe to do the wrapping paper, but he printed so much of the stuff they didn’t know what to do with it.
Then they asked Brown but his had ‘Merry Xams’ all over it.
Snot, too…
Give the man a break – he’s still recovering from his Corporate xmas party, which he and his business colleagues told us all about.
He’s probably allowed to blog lightly for a while, as long as traffic meets pre-agreed levels.
What a benevolent corporation Messagesapce is!
You must respond in kind. How about Christmas ornaments inspired by a design by the late Jonas Savimbi? Remind the world that there are still some of you not happy with what happened in South Africa.
He actually gave Guido a pen holder and ink-well. Not sure what you mean, UNITA ended up in the governing coalition in Angola.
One of my chickens is called Ndabaningi Sithole
Hope this helps
Stompie Moeketsi wrapping paper would look good.
Buy one get tutu free
Bogof!
Bet the Grauniad won’t be offering jewish candlesticks though
over 10% in real terms increase in military budget in the last 10 years.
however, inflation has over the last 10 years increased by 30%.
so in fact there has in real terms been a reduction in the military budget over the last 10 years. mr ainsworth premise is false for he is claiming no real term decrease. that means bob ainsworth is a lying c’unt, who is, as we blog, lying to the house of commons which is ofcourse a resignation issue.
bob ainsworth, resign you are not fit for office. you are a useless lying c’unt.
Ignored!
;=)
you don’t understand this game do you.
Mornington Crescent!
Very much so. Can’t wait till the next levels. Are you?
Unfortunately, I fear it may just be a way to run down the armed services and use Afghanistan as an excuse. This government has never particularly liked the military, sending them in to do an impossible job without the equipment they needed. Had they been given the tools when they were needed, many servicemen would not have died.
Meanwhile, the government continues to announce new spending in other areas, without making cutbacks to pay for those. It’s spend, spend, spend and live for today.
You must respond in kind. How about Christmas ornaments inspired by a design by the late Jonas Savimbi? Remind the world that there are still some of you not happy with what happened in South Africa.
.
Next week a toy designed by George Monbiot.
A half decomposed Polar Bear who when the string is pulled will say,
“You killed meeee”
That should make the kids want to hang themselves with a dressing gown belt.
Or worse become an Environmentalist.
i lol’d
Someone kindly posted a link to georgie moonbats’ latest piece, saying ‘he had gone off on one’ again. Thats rather an understatement ! Without wishing to direct traffic to the grudion site, its a pretty scary insight into the mind of a true believer !
Mentalist being the operative part of that word.
Gordon Brown is a Soviet long term spy.
He has now forced Ainsworth to announce massive reductions in the defence of this country so as to disable our ability to defend ourselves.
Gordon Brown – you are guilty of treason.
Gordon Brown – We,The People will prevent your treason at the ballot box.
After that,you will be a smell from a sewer.
down talk silly.
the British Armed Forces are being run down by the new labour war party because the EU wants to have a pan-european army and neither wants nor needs large standing national armies which could resist that outcome.
the americans are pro EU: gordon brown is CIA.
Go to the back of the class and wear the pointy hat! Do you realise how stupid that actually sounds. GB is CIA. Bwwaaaaahhhhhh. Bwwwwaaaaaaahhhh.
gordon brown and tony blair have both consistently acted in the interests of america. that makes them agents of american interests.
CIA agents? what’s in a name?
logic, innit.
you better put your pointy dunce hat back on you fuckwit.
But, but, but, but, fluster! Fraud. You are a simpleton, with no tertiary education. Soooooo Obvious. Feeling a bit off the pace? Not quite yoursef? Anxious? A bit Paranoid? That will teach you to spend all your money on drugs and have the Family fuck you off!
maybe you should see a doctor if you feel that way nike.
sounds like you are off your fucking head.
You seem so flat these days. Seratonin low? Dopamines saggy? Be much more interesting if there was a bit more of a riposte. Just namesaying is not really the qualities expected of a self proclaimed Top Boy. Get that motor running boy , and step up to the plate. Fire in the Hold.
The CIA are famous for backing socialists lol
the CIA backed the labour party in the 80′s because it was becoming too left wing and they were attempting to head off the labour party becoming truly socialist.
so your analysis is correct 7/7.
well done cripple.
Don’t understand Irony and Sarcasm do we TaT? A better education would have helped. Isn’t it?
CIA were always the paymasters for International Socialism. Ha Ha.
“………………..the EU wants to have a pan-european army…………………..”
Do they fight at night ?
Peter Pan European Army!! Said the ineffectual TaT. Mt Shit for Brains
hit a nerve have I nike?
oh, you are an EU stooge.
I see.
You think that I am a woman at certain times. Gaydar not working very well isn’t it? EU stooge, Bwwwwwaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh
you do not deny being an EU stooge.
interesting.
Its Gordons masterplan for carbon trading, allow 3rd run way at Heathrow then close RAF base.
Nah, the 3rd Runway is Carbon Neutral of its own accord. They said so. The BBC.
So will the £rd Airport be Carbon Neutral. CRU will adjust the numbers on demand.
BA staff going on strike – now that’s carbon-neutral.
3rd Runway, China is gonna build 65 new airports..
Desmond Tutu designed ‘Crackers’.
A fine selection of Honkys wot did us wrong. Including,
PW Botha and Ian Smith
Think we can be forgiven for assuming that good old Des is a tad racist? He really has got a bit of an issue. He wears his homey colors all da time, and he goin to get a shoota. He wants to partee with that Nigga 50c. Them is bros toogevver! For real.
Time to put Tu+Tu together
Tu + Tu = Five..
“Don’t mess with my tutu”
Tu whit, Tu whoo.
All is not well in the EU
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/germany/6810528/Salami-battle-in-supermarket-leaves-Germans-in-hospital.html
World War III starts in Aachen!
Bloody Germans! No wonder they started two world wars.
Could have been worse “the shopping trolley wasn’t damaged”
Thats nothing.I beat a guy to death with a 12″ Black rubber cock.
Wasn’t it a 15″ black rubber cock?
Cor Bercow can i buy Sallys cast offs and unwanted knickers please?
That is absolutely disgusting……. ok she looks like she is worth a punch up the knickers, but talking about unwanted knickers is perverse !!
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/6814939/Womans-life-made-unbearable-by-insatiable-libido.html
Come see me please.
She can’t fly as she is over the visible liquids limit. Sorry.
Like her, most teenage males also suffer from ‘Restless Genital Syndrome’.
As a young lad on the 118 bus I used to get what was known as ‘Diesel Dick’.
Symptoms being a huge hard on just before my stop.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8TRXJ0SHm4
Makes PMQs seem friendly
The Irish been voting teenagers into parliament?
I hope they can find some more money for the Africans……. the despots need to fill their bank accounts !!
Mugabe there?? Where is Peter Tatchell when you need him ???
Err…… why is Brown giving 1.5 billion squids to the “Third World” to help with their carbon footprints? Surely the EU could sequester all the stolen aid lying in numbered accounts under the names of various “Third World” leaders and solve the problem for the next fifty years.
Surely you are not suggesting that African leaders steal the money we give them in aid to feed and help the poor?
Surely they do not use the natural resources for their own benefit and leave their people to starve or at best survive without the basic necessities of life?
Well, I am shocked and stunned!!
Next you will be telling me that as the infrastructure of these countries that the horrible colonial white man put in place and is now decaying or destroyed by neglect and warfare…. it is all our fault in the West and we should pay them compensation??
It’s no excuse for their not governing themselves properly, but our ruling class did give those countries a very comprehensive economic rogering; basically we nicked everything that wasn’t riveted down. Now that same ruling class has nobody to exploit but us back in Blighty, so they just have to try harder.
For F8cks sake Sir William…..you will be telling me next that I should apologize for slavery !!!
Fuck off, Waad. You’ve obviously been watching too much BBC, you brainwashed idiot.
Why hasn’t Cameron announce that he will stop the money being given away? The twat is bluLabour, that’s why.
Peter Tatchell is currently trying to sleep with 14 year old boys
http://www.petertatchell.net/age%20of%20consent/consent%20at%2014.htm
Here’s one of the areas I agree with islam – fuckers like him deserve stoning. if he got any where near my son, and although i live in a few glass houses, I would cast the first stone.
These sick fucking pervs are never happy are they? What next will they want to have sex with? Babies? Shoot the fuckers, that’s what I say.
I’m SO HAPPEEEEEEE!!!!
Guido, time for some serious investigative blogging now.
You are in danger of losing the momentum to other less deserving bloggers.
Get out there and expose the bastards!!
Indecency in public is an arrestable offence.
Go Guido. Think about those bruises. Think of the shame they inflicted on you.
Absolutely.
The HUGE story that everyone but the Mail and the Telegraph ignored was the admission (or boast) by that Andrew Neather creature (former asst to various NuLab honchos) that NuLab’s immigration policy was and remains to get in as many immigrants as possible.
Why isn’t every Tory and contrarian blogger (not to mention opposition politicians) running with this day after day?
It is a major story of national betrayal for over a decade.
yes but who challenges it will be called a racist and lose their job, if they’re white, therefore the power of the self censoring liberal consensus crushes common sense
Er, it’s High Treason, actually. “National betrayal” comes quite close, though.
Now if this doesn’t get me elected as the next Prime Minister I’ll eat my hat!
out of work pianist with Tourettes is strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one afternoon. Walking down Dean Street, he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window ‘Pianist wanted for evening performances’.
“Fucking get in there!” he says to himself and goes to the bar. “Get the fucking manager of this pigshit middle class wankhole please”, he says to a somewhat startled barman.
The barman however obliges and his manager comes upstairs. “Can I help you sir?” he says “Yes you can you fat piece of shit, I saw your poxy advert in the fucking window and I’m here to audition…wanker.”
The manager is naturally put off by the man’s abrasive manner but his dire need for a top class pianist forces him to agree to an audition.
The first tune the ianist plays is an uplifting jazzy number, not too involving, yet utterly melodic. At the end the thrilled barman cries, “Wonderful, wonderful. What was that called?”
“That song, you big nosed twat, was called “Excuse Me Prime Minister But I Just Jizzed In Your Daughter’s Eye, And Now The Bitch Is Blind…”
“Oh” says the manager…err, can you play me another. Something a little less ‘lively’”.
“Wanker” interjects the pianist before launching into a powerful ballad that leaves the manager in tears. The manager through his salty teardrops asks him the title. “That little number was called ‘Sometimes When You Do A Bird Up The Shit Box You Get Crap On Your Bell End’”.
“I see” says the manager, “Have you got any songs with less offensive titles?” “Well there’s my jazz number ‘Do You Want Me To Spit On Your Ringpiece’, or there’s the epic ‘I Don’t Care If You’re Older My Dear, You’ve Still Got Nice Jugs’”.
“Look” says the manager interrupting, “I think you’re a superb pianist but the title of your songs are a little racy. I will hire you on the condition that you do not introduce your songs or speak to the audience”.
“Fuck it” thinks the pianist “Why not.”
On his first night everything is going superbly the crowd is lapping up his repertoire and his silence is being received as modesty. The only thing putting off the pianist is that in the front row there is a gorgeous blonde in a black evening dress with a split up the side revealing the tops of her stockings, and a plunging neckline which boasts a proud and inviting cleavage.
During the interval the pianist has got such a stonking hard on that he decides to go to the bog and knock one out. Just as he has shot his load he hears himself being re-introduced over the tannoy, so he rushes back to the stage and finishes his act.
After the show he is at the bar relaxing when the blonde approaches him. “Hi” she says. “Hello” he winces, struggling to hold in the expletives. She leans over and whispers in his ear, “Do you know your cock is hanging out of your trousers and spunk is dribbling onto your shoes?”
Placing his beer confidently on the bar, the pianist grins, looks her square in the eye and yells “Sorry reader for wasting your time with this shit joke, I am a total faggot.”
Medication not working it seems.
THe only tenuous connection to politics being that it was purportedly posted by one Dave Camerhoon of “Cast Iron Promise” fame.
Hat ready sir!
oh dear, the troll called nike has run away.
at five o’clock he disappeared.
poof! and he was gone.
Poof here. Come on TaT lets get it on!
oh, she’s back again.
top boy claps and his bitch dances.
good one innit.
Oh yes, the female lapdancer/hostess/stripper/call girl that went the wrong way on Crack Cocaine. A total bitch, slag, slapper, slut, man eater. harlot, ladette, and now paying the way for my 3 crippled children to go to MIT, Harvard, and Yale by being an EU stooge. Don’t get out much do you top boy? Micra must be nearly ready for the MOT?, new tyres are a must dear. They are dangerous without treads. Get some slash proof ones next.
Unwrap these for a Christmas present Desmond.
Dear old Desmond! Is he still going? Good for him. Smashing old chap and one of the few Africans that don’t get on my tits.
Sorry, “doesn’t” get on my tits – I must have been watching the BBC too much. – I mean too often/frequently. Oh bollocks.
LOL, but your heart is in the right place.
At least you tried…
I have to admit, I always regarded Tutu as a complete idiot, but after his Truth Commission I came to the conclusion that we give credit to the wrong black in South Africa. Mandela was just someone at the right place at the right time, But it was Tutu who saved South Africa from sliding into bloodshed with his view that the blacks didn’t really want revenge, they just wanted the whites to say they were sorry.
Now, nobody in my circle dares to say a word against this little giant of a man.
Kom, De la Rey, ons hou van jou.
Saved SA from sliding into bloodbath thats exactly whats happened, aand thats why we hear fuck all about on the msm.
Tutu is a great man, the Guardian is a shit paper. Still – Merry Christmas!
BBC Caves in to Carter Ruck Threats Over Trafigura Film
see ian dales blog. Guido, wouldnt want to tell you what to do but could you embed the newsnight item as per dale! Fuck those c u n t s!
The relevant Newsnight transcript and video were on Wikileaks yesterday. The site doesn’t seem to be up atm.
wot have yu just come in
FAIL.
Come on Guido you are better than this.
I didn’t think anyone gave a toss what the Guardian does any more except the Champagne Socialists?
A challenger appears:
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