Friday Caption Contest (Do You Feel Lucky Brown? Edition)
Andrew Lansley Has Been Shot | Dan Hodges
Another Gay Gaffe From Ken | Standard
Pensioners Paying Price for Funny Money | Telegraph
Ken Penis Gaffe | Metro
Hague Photo Mystery | Guardian
The Iranian Model is Hitler | Lawrence J. Haas
No.10′s Andrew Cooper Should Look at this Poll | Douglas Carswell
Livingstone Has Form on Homophobia | ConservativeHome
Investors HBack Over RBS Meddling | CityAM
Riddled With It | Pink News
I Went Mad in the Seventies | Ken
Guy Newsroom Splits | Indy
Polly’s Voodoo Polling | UK Polling Report
Labour SpAd Backs the Bill | Mark Wallace
Guido Goes for the Lobby | Press Gazette
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Max Clifford says…
“Most people want to read nasty things about people, not nice things.”
DisgustedOfMitcham2 says:
Maybe if they really wanted to “decontaminate the Labour brand” with business people, they shouldn’t have totally buggered up the economy?
Just a thought.
“I will shoot him where it hurts”
And the grenade launcher on the front should be able to take out even the most stubborn Prime Minister – should you need it – wink wink
He’s saying to Gordon Brown.
“Go ahead – make them pay”
The Mandinator: Phased plasma rifle in the 40-watt range.
Official: Hey, just what you see pal.
Nice one -
“I want your jacket, your boots and your jockstrap.”
40 watt wouldn’t knock the skin off a rice pudding at 2 feet. Quite suitable for the Dame of Fey Boy, etc.
“So this is where the batteries go…remind me again where the ‘On’switch is? I’m sure Gordon will thoroughly enjoy it, it does look like rather a lot of fun to me!”
“So I grasped it like this and it shot one off in my hands…”
“So they want freedom from the NWO do they?”
So I can go and get my own Smack from Helmland. Do you think the Yanks will like that??
Why is Thomas the Tank Engine right-wing?
BNP?
Grenade launcher, my arse! It’s a laser sight.
Does it come in pink ?
No, but Mandy comes in brown………………
Has anybody seen James Purnell or Hazel Blears recently?
Mandy: “No, no, no. When I said I wanted to shoot one up him………….”
Cock and load?
Oooh I know how to do that ducky!
And you really think there will be a democratic Election next year, do you?
Haven’t you got something that works more slowly, and inflicts more pain?
How much? No thanks, Deripaska can get me them for cost.
No minister, it doesn’t squirt out Vaseline!
Say hello to my little friend..
“Hello”
They DO like it up em, Sir!
With the fiscal measures demanded by Gordon Brown we can assure you that neither the general public nor the MoD can afford this product
I do so like having a big black thing in my hands
We can have the full consignment delivered to the Russian’s yacht on Tuesday
Heckler and Cock you say? I’ve had a few of those in my time!
Ha ha
The best
Bull’s Eye.
Back o the net
And is the net claimed on expenses too,Nazi Ball’s?
it was all within the rules…
Us this function and we guarantee that it will tear him another arsehole
The St Vaseline Day Massacre.
So tell me again how many Sa-80′s we ordered before someone noticed they were shit?
“What’s the butt action like, in use?”
oh that’s low
“If it’s a little heavy, please allow me to hold it for you while you examine the workmanship inside the barrel, Mr Mandelson”
I’m a fighter not a quitter
Man on left: “Then put the muzzle in your mouth and pull the trigger.”
The last big, black, pump action weapon I had was Reinaldo
Child shot dead whilst playing with toy gun.
big and black.
‘And of course my lord you have to grease the barrel well if you want to use it for that.’
“When I hear the words ‘General Election.’…”
When you’ve tried every Machiavellian trick in the book and the bastards still have a 10 point lead there’s only one way left.
“Lord Mandelson, do you think you could kill a man?”
“Well….eventually…..”
‘Not sure, but I could stuff a rubber chicken. Oh look, is that one, over there?’
Taxi to Downing Street!
Notice his right index finger. Anyone who’s handled lethal weaponry knows precisely what’s wrong with that.
The only ‘weapon’Mandelson has handled is that situated in his (and no doubt other chaps’) nether garments.
Quite right sir. Good spot.
Most people use a 12 bore shotgun when invited to Pheasant shoots, but Mr Rothschild will be impressed with your weapon!
Only if you want the pheasant vapourised.
“Now if you come this way we’ll get you some fatigues and we’ll get you on the front line in Helmand by the end of the day”
Exclusive – Breaking News ——– Image of ‘Albanian’Assassin Arrested Outside Blair’s London Home.
We call this model the “Rampant Rambo”.
From the GI Joe range of military themed action dildos.
‘I was rather thinking along the lines of rambo rampant sable over starfish gules and ermine ermine, ha ha, or… can I get my escutcheon here too? I do so get excited by all that talk of crests and impalements…’
Tosser – a wanna-be Bullingdon Boy.
I’ll be back…………..
Is this a Browning?
not good in light of his interest in Machiavelli – and indeed Mr Fawkes’.
I know what you’re thinking — “Is the National Debt six or only five trillion?” Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I’ve kinda lost track myself. But, being this is UK government debt, the most AAA rated in the world you’ve got to ask yourself one question: “Will we ever repay it?” Well, what do ya think, punk?
Excellent!!!!!
Brilliant.
In further tribute to Inspector Harry Calahan: “A man’s got to know his limitations.”
Why do they call you Dirty Mandy?
The clear winner.
“Well I must say I’d quite forgotten what it was like to hold such a big black weapon in my hands”
Mandelson revives 1979 General Election Slogan.
Vote Liberal or we’ll shoot your dog.
Sir, with one of these, imagine how much better our troops in conflict situations would do.
To your left Lord Mandelson, you will see your new “Helmand” Suit. General Melchiot will be your escort as far as Kandahar.
Spooks tamper with gun to make it fire backwards.
Unsuspecting goon falls for trap.
What was that Peter – you like a well oiled weapon?
Watch it. You’ll have someone’s eye out with that.
Subtle. Should have been…
Watch it. You’ll have someone’s other eye out with that.
Guaranteed to shoot up a Brazilian.
The gun too.
Clap!
Has he got that as well???
To avoid complications
She never kept the same address
In conversation
She spoke just like a baroness
Met a man from China
Went down to Asia Minor
Then again incidentally
If you’re that way inclined
He’s a Killer Queen
brilliant. don’t let us keep you…
I wonder if I can put this on expenses.
ive taken bigger
Mandy: And this is the weapon we give our troops in Helmand?
Rep: Er……no
Bloke on left: Does it need oiling?
Bloke on right: Not now!
A picture to put the willys up any Taleban member
“So, I can dazzle him with the laser spot and then get off three shots in under two seconds? Do you take Mastercard?”
Only one man can stop the Taliban mastermind
Peter FondleSon is Double Entry 7.
“If it doesn’t shoot dum-dums it’s no use to me.”
[thanks for the hat-tip on pb.com, Casino Royale. I realise I have yet to achieve as much as Albert Schweitzer or Nelson Mandela, but I'll take the plaudits now, just in case]
“I need your boots, your keys, and your motorcycle…”
OT.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1234912/MPs-expenses-Millionaire-MP-Shaun-Woodward-hired-accountants-specialised-amassing-wealth-handle-claim.html
I would actually like to beat Woodward to within an inch of his life,and then throw him under a London bus driven by an illegal immigrant.
Is that Tim Spicer from Sandline and Executive Outcomes on the left?
“Right, let’s go to the Mann estate and shut him up once and for all before we all get named and sent to jail…..”
…………and you just give that squirly thing a pull and stuff shoots out the end
“That’s not what I meant when I asked for a man with big guns”
OT
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1234912/MPs-expenses-Millionaire-MP-Shaun-Woodward-hired-accountants-specialised-amassing-wealth-handle-claim.html
“How many of these do we need to make sure, nobody gets out!”
Suit 1: Having trouble getting rid of a Brazilian Sir?
Suit 2: We did Jean Charles DeMenez with one of these. Very effective.
Mandelson determined to be better prepared for Cherie’s next appearance at the Rothschild’s
………… and this is a handy carrying case for a butt plug if you need something for the week-end.
Sorry chaps. This model may well be better than the ones our soldiers use, but we’ve spent all the money on a bell tower!
look, I didn’t claim for the fucking bell tower, right?
Funny but sadly true. While a very accurate weapon, when working, SA80 jams have cost soldiers their lives. Much improved of late I hear but still less reliable than American weaponry. Dusty environments especially fuck them up. Yeah, dead good in the Stan or Iraq. Why do our special forces, who have more choice over their firearms, not use the SA80? Fuck, even the old SLR was superior in many ways. You could bounce that thing off a tree and it would still work afterwards. Sneeze at an SA80 and you’d be left picking rounds out of the breach for the next ten minutes.
Diddlydee – this is a caption competition so bore off. And stop being ignorant. The A2 version, courtesy of heckler and Koch, is now pretty decent and certainly on a par, if not better than the US weaponry. And for your info, UK special forces use a Canadian derivative of the ‘M16′ family that has a heavier barrel and better working and gas parts. So, actually, they don’t use american kit either.
Go back to reading Combat and Survival you saddo.
I appreciate the update. Glad to hear it. Really. Like I said, heard it had improved of late. But it was a problem back in the day.
Never read that publication.
No need to be such a fucking prick.
And I didn’t say that UKSF use US kit. Fucknut.
Being a caption contest as you say, with no other comment permitted (not least by self appointed moderators like you), I’m still awaiting your gem of a caption. It still isn’t there. Are you saving your comedy genius until the end? Late winner perhaps? Please do tell, I’m shitting myself with anticipation!
May I join you?
Lol. Knew you’d come along.
“When shooting, I like to use my fully-jacketed hollow-point…..”
Standard police issue for the next G20 protests Sir
“Naturally we recommend the grenade launcher to take out a target the size and formidable density of Prescott. However a short, controlled burst with the carbine will see off the PM, double-taps all round should be sufficient for the Cabinet and you may want to reserve the butt for Mrs Blears.”
Next bitch I see with custard…
*claps*
Lol. Very good.
Ronaldo had a plastic one of these but with a slightly different end bit.
“…and this should help you deal with any trouble insurrections.”
No Doctor, I said I have an errection problem.
“No no Peter I said Pheasant shooting , not Peasant.”
lol good one
I see, this is what won Gordon the argument with Alistair about the PBR?
Mandelson Cocks his weapon.
MP5? I want the House of Lords version!
My mistake, Lord Mandelson, I misunderstood.
Probably not the right choice if you are shooting WITH Saif Gaddafi
and next year we’re going to buy another one………..
I’m more used to a porridge pistol.
Do not adjust your sets, folks. We’re at war. Not against terrorists or Nazis, but your own slimey Government. Disarm slugs like Mandy!!
Oh, cocking handle!, I thought that you said – would I like to get my hands on a cock.
So, go over that again, how many gallons of water does it hold?
“No. No. When you fire it, you need to hold it the other way around and PUSH the trigger”
“Now you say I get to keep the gun for use on future shooting trips if I maintain the line that Al Megrahi was indeed very ill and close to death when we agreed to release him?”
Sorry, is this not the Mirror’s Kevin Macguire blog? I must have posted on the wrong one
“Say hello to my little friend”
“But Lord Mandelson, you haven’t got any friends”
No, I didn’t say ‘show us yer arsenal’…..
Just give me a grassy knoll and a well maintained old Bren…
Brown fears impact of growing carbine footprint.
Oh and indeed it is an M4 carbine; give that weapons specialist a prize and a full MI5 background check…
“To be honest, I feel more comfortable handling a porridge gun”
“My lord, I don’t think I’d recommend that particular piece for hunting starfish”
Lord Mandelson prepares for a visit to the Sun newspaper.
I’m very comfortable fondling a big black weapon.
Man on left, pointing; “I see you’re not familiar with firearms, Lord Manglebum, so could I just point out that that’s the dangerous end.”
Bloke on the left, Oh shit! He’s got his fingerprints on it now, I thought you told him to wear gloves?
Yeah, because we have £500m to spare right now. Brown, you’re a fucking spastic.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/8407112.stm
Thinks, now when I say ‘up against the wall and spread ‘em’, they’ll take me seriously.
Mandleson whispering to the man behind him, “If you stop rubbing my arse I will use this on you”
Bankers fear Government has lost control of M4
This is blatantly untrue.
The M4 is one of the flagship motorways in this great country of ours
I have my own special lane
Is it a psycho path?
Two Banjos asked me to make you aware of the following emission:
“Therefore because which is inestimitably due to such progressivitism and futurology vis a vis the Deputy Premiershitism of visioning systemism of bus prioritification”.
Office of the Deputy Prime-Minister (est. 2001)
“Brown loses control ON the M4….” Now there’s a headline to dream of.
He usually loses control on his rocking horse.
What a cnut. ‘Right Mrs. Mandy. Now point upwards, into mouth and pull trigger’.
OT — most gratifying to see one Charles Walker (Con, Broxbourne) doing his job and giving Suzi Leather the spanking she deserves. According to Quentin Letts (follow Guido’s link) the Dame didn’t know where to look!
Fuck no mate, don’t go off topic!!!! Abra Kebabra will have words with you!
Mandy displays promised increase in 2010-11 Defence budget – all of it
Well if Dick Cheney can get away with calling it an accident…mmmmmm
I was in my car when I heard the outrageous news that more people are using their mobiles, whilst driving, than ever before.
Let me tell you, I was straight on the phone to the radio station, whilst safely driving with my knees and my phone jammed between my ear and shoulder, to register my disgust at these fucking selfish lunatics.
No, n-n, no, n-no, no return to iyron cast guarantees.
Quentin Davies (out of picture): “Now climb my bell tower, Mandy, and you’ll be able to drop Douglas Hogg into his moat with a single shot.”
He offered to climb my bell tower but I said “Look, Mandy old chap, I’m flattered and all that, but the fact is I’m just not gay.”
Yes mandy, I’m sure that with a couple of these sent to volunteers at each polling station a historic 4th term can be achieved!
MAN: I trust you’re familiar with a Kalashnikov?
MANDY: For the record, I may have been introduced to an individual of that name, but I have never accepted hospitality on a yacht, or any other form of craft, from him. As far as Mr Osborne is concerned though…
“I’m organising a paint balling team building weekend ahead of the General Election, this should instill some cohesion into the chumps.”
Where’s that fucker Balls. I’ll teach the twat to muscle in on Gordon.
Well do ya ..punk? (My wife says I look a little like Clint,) see me at Canterbury Cathedral Tommorow and judge for yourself!
“…and if each of the Whips is to have one we could offer a discount”
Best told in my best Scottish accent
A Scottish woman walks into her bedroom and finds her husband wanking into his wellie!
‘Hamish’she shouts ‘you dirty bastard…. stop fucking aboot!’
Why are you on here?
Keep ‘em going, Mr Cast Iron!
We will need to order hundreds of this model, can you deliver them tomorrow?
Are they for the troops in Afghanistan?
No, they are going to be issued to Labour MPs to protect them against the lynch mobs.
Mandy learns what ‘Post Democracy’really means.
Pictures like this make me mad,
Huhnes like mandelson made it illegal for people like you and me to own such as the Colt M-4. and yet he and others can have access anytime.
Come the revolution he is mine, torture he will know what pain is, and what his ass is for.
SBS eh…
y’know, just after the Iraq invasions when a bunch of our “marines” got “lost” and ended up Iran, I couldn’t help noticing on the Iranian news footage that they had been toting M4s.
I reckon a scrap with Iran has been on the planning table since Day One.
What happens if I put the thin end in my mouth. BANG
If only….
And where’s the whipped cream reservoir ?
And how do you determine which British soldier in Helmand gets the one gun the MOD supplies – or do they share it around?
http://www.fxbites.blogspot.com/
Well I was rather expecting a bigger gun than this – Thatcher had a tank, you know, for her publicity shot.
– caption submitted in the true spirit, of a caption….
Interesting insight into the closure of the Teesside steel plant:
http://biased-bbc.blogspot.com/2009/12/hiding-truth.html
Have you a simulator with a brazilian pump action mechanism that is air transportable.
Mandelson going off at half-cock.
“And you are absolutely certain that when I squeeze the trigger it will keep firing continuously until it runs out of ammunition ?”
‘Quite so, Lord Mandelson.. ‘
“Better safe than sorry !”
“So it will keep the rioting middle class at bay?”
Hey, what’s all this about Laddies stopping taking bets on the election date?
Does this mean they know the date, or know there isn’t going to be one….?
It wisnae me.
….and it can not be traced back to you.
“Yes, well….it’s very nice, but I already have a contract for Russian weaponry”.
Typical Mandelson – off at half cock again.
Meet the man with a 99% success rate of converting Conservative voters into Labour sympathisers.
“Is there anyone here who voted Tory at the last election ?’
A man stands up and is cut in half by a stream of automatic fire…
“Is there anyone else ?” asks Lord Mandelson…
“One each, I think! No make it two for the ones on benefits and three if they are a banker”
“Bullets?”
“No idiot, I mean the guns, we have to improve our manufacturing output. Selling bullets is not going to cut it”
“Selling to ourselves! How will that put a hole in our deficit numbers?”
“Not OUR bankers!”, “What a chump, it all started in America”
Does this come with a silencer. I dont want to wake his kids.
Look here Rumple, I’ve been having a few policy thoughts on this population growth business.
“So if I fire this into the ground and then the richochet kills David it would be seen as an unfortunate accident yes?
[salesman] “When the peasants are THIS revolting, it pays to have something hanging on the back of the front door… ”
[mandy] “I will take two – I will need to keep my back passage covered as well..”
What do you mean, “Flash Gordon approaching?”.
Despatch War Rocket Mandrax to bring back his body!!
[suit] “When the revolution starts, you won’t want to be stuck in town. And even you might not be able to afford the best country pile after all the second home expenses have been spent on them.”
[mandy] “Good point – but let’s try and see if Sir Peter Viggers is still as fussy about Duck Island Towers when he’s got this pointing at his nuts…”
“Hmm, promotion could be within my sight…”
Yes !!!
“This should sort out Guido and his antiquated black powder technology”
Mandelson;
“I’ll give you my gun when you take it from my cold, dead hands”
Arms Dealer;
” Er… Mr Mandelson,that was Charlton Heston’s catch line”
Mandelson
“But I AM Ben Hur – leader of the Labourites”
Ben Dur, surely?
Frankie Fisher – Fucking Funny !!!
[dealer in death ] “And it has this very handy searchlight facility..”
[encourager of purely legitimate taxpaying exporters] “When might that be of any use ?”
[arms merchant] “Well, it could be very handy to take out a few stone throwers as you climb into the helicopter to remove you from Whitehall to a place of safety..”
This is the only way we will be able stay in power.
[smary salesman ] “And if you buy today, sir, we will include a whole box of dum-dum bullets suitable for use in the bunker, sorry, ‘for close quarters’use..”
Yes this is very good, we can supply these to the polling stations so they can gun down conservative voters.
Now, would you be so kind as to show me your torturing equipment….
tell us more
Forget the captions – he looks right at home with that weapon.
With a transformation from Mincing Mandy To Menacing Mandy he could be a shoo-in for the next Bond Villain…
…Dr Blow.
Job
thankyou for spelling it out for us.
now, would you care to demonstrate?
Ah TAT – the friendless grot with the face of a turd
[arms trader] “If you can’t overthrow the Royal Family, you can at least pretend you can, by getting that little shit Anthony Steen out of his answer to Balmoral..”
[mandy] “That’ll do nicely, sir !”
Rep: ‘And with the new 5.56 calibre AP round, this baby will penetrate even the thickest skin…….present company excepted of course’.
Lord Mandelson checks out the effectiveness of new “whipping policy” for backbench rebel Labour MPs with the party’s whips ahead of the crucial vote of confidence in Gordon’s leadership
[ ethical fairtrade gun dealer] “And you see, Lord Mandelson, the attached video camera allows you to film the look of alarm, then terror, and then despair, as the life is extinguished from your victim’s face…”
[mandy thinks] “Hmmm… If I get a 50/50 deal with Guido the Gordon Death Tape could be make me £ 10 million in Message Space advertising, not to mention the YouTube revenue…”
*
*
*
*
U KNEED FREE HANSZ TU WURQK THIS GHUN
C
*
ASTA
butch bitch?
“He didn’t see the recession coming, so you should be able to pump a good few rounds into him before he sees you. May I suggest you wait until he’s jogging – no more difficult to hit, but the blood will flow faster.”
Wouldn’t try it with an SA 80!
It is never a good idea to get sand in your weapon.
[mandy ] “Of course we can find Nadine Dorries – How many fucking housing estates with fucking high-rise council flats and a Channel 4 film crew running around can there be in London ?”
“Before all else, be armed”.
Niccolo Machiavelli
OUCH !!! That truth is far too near the knuckle to be funny…
In the new remake of Brownfall, a Brownshirt extra is being shown how to hold his weapon.
We at Redshield Inc believe this new weapon can increase war and the debts associated at just the rate we like Mr Mandleson.
Going into the ‘Noughties’…
“Bury the debt, not the dead..” [Jubilee Campaign]
Leaving the ‘Noughties’..
“Bury the dead, not the debt..” [ Peter Mandelson..]
Just watching the infamous Brown gurning/dancing video.
“Now a detailed written statement setting out our proposals will be made by Harriet Harman”
That smile and gurn is the sure sign that this c*unt is a drug addict.
An astonishing 3 minutes 28 seconds , but STILL this nothing is in office.
That’s correct my lord, the army’s new breath freshener. You kust put the nozzle in your mouth and give the trigger two pumps!
“You don’t know how to work it minister? That’s strange as they are always saying in the office that you are a rear gunner.”
“Okay, I’ll take one for my butler, one for my chauffeur, one for my valet and one for my caddy… come the revolution, all hell will break loose!”
Mandy looks at the “democratic” alternatives to elections, after recalling Mao’s words, that power speaks from the barrel of a gun.
Do you think ths pose makes me totally butch, mind I am used to handling loaded weapons, I don’t like that war paint the squaddies have to wear though.
…yes Mr Mandelson, we can do a rush order of 350, but I’m afraid not in pink.
‘…And you see, my Lord, although it actually looks like a M-16 assault rifle, if you pull the primer under the barrel, you’ll see that it’s actually a water pistol. And that’s why our troops are having such problems in Afghanistan!’
mandy joins the army
Zat programme vill also go on our list.
Ooooh, what a big one I’ve got!
[mandy] “Righty-ho chaps, take down these names for my little list…
Iain Dale
James Delingpole
Daniel Hannan
Quentin Letts
Fraser Fucking Nelson
Melanie Phillips
Andrew Porter
[continues]
.. Right, actually, put some more ammunition on the list as well..”
[lackey] “Sir, would it be convenient to compile their GPS co-ordinates and enter them into the complimentary sat-nav we offer with all purchases this month ?”
OK boys, lets talk figures, so I fix it for the taxpayer to buys lots of these beauties and mountains of ammo, how much goes in my bank account.
“Does it come in pink?”
…. And this gun will fire all it’s rounds quicker than your Brazilian boy toy can get you off.
Does the British army deserve such equipment?
…. And we can give these to the trigger happy British police, much better than those poxy stun guns that Jacqui Smith ordered thousands of. These baby’s are guaranteed to stop people marching against the Iraq and Afghanistan war.
“I really, really wanted that EU Foreign Minister role, Gordon”
Oh, I see, when you said cocked, I thought you were talking about me and my mincing style.
I understand you can claim it on expenses Prime Minister.
Right, where’s Matthew Parris, if it was not for him I’d still be straight as a die.
Fuck! now I really can go commando.
The unfairness of life, ordinary bloke with table leg gets shot by SO19, overprivileged bloke leading a fairy tale life, wielding an offensive weapon gets away with it!
Does it fire those curry powder rounds we bought on the cheap from Pakistan, which don’t work.
Can you pack fudge with this
Press that tit there mate and it goes POOF
Ooooh, I think I just eased my springs.
Lord Mandelson: “What does it say on the yellow label”
Civil Servant Flunky: “It says – Made in Eastern Europe, assembled in United States, used in Brixton”
British Population: “Back At ya and soon!”
First time ever that Britain wishes for M4* congestion.
* He’s holding an M4 (I think, short M16 7.62 bullet) and a blockage in the barrel will hurt the holder if fired.
This is so new it makes me want to clean up my rusty sheriffs badge.
Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, Gordon has to walk into mine – which is the ‘go’button punk?
Mandelson’s office is keen to make clear what while he’s never Plucked A Pheasant, he has had many a Pheasant Pluck…
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/politics/6655689/Lord-Mandelson-attended-shoot-with-Gaddafis-son.html
http://www.thefirstpost.co.uk/56629,people,news,lord-mandelson-joins-saif-gaddafi-at-shooting-party
“Duzzy Fuck ? ”
“Fuck- ‘e Does..”
[mandy] ” But I don’t quite understand why the Metropolitan Police should need one of these to fuck a Brazilian ?? “
Lord Mandelson of Rio: “Now to strip you down and inspect your gas parts”.
Weapon: “I had a feeling you were going to say that”.
Eurocrat: “I find this English humour tiresome, predictable and puerile”.
Eric Idle: “Oh, shut up, Big Nose”.
[greasy salesman] “And we can ship 2,000 of these out to the Israeli Defence Force quicker than you can say ‘End User Certificate’…”
israelis make their own firearms. and they’re better than ours. perhaps you meant saudi arabia?
“I’ll be back” ………………..and Jesus, how many more times, the unelected little shyster crook.
Now, could the purchase of one of these beauties be considered “wholly, necessarily, and exclusively” required for the performance of parliamentary duties………I think it could!
Yes, yes or course, there will be a few dead and maimed people minister but we will all, including you of course, become very very rich ( in monetary terms )
“Aha, Lord Mandelson, so you have been invited by Guido Fawkes to a ‘paintballing evening’…”
[mandy] “Sadly not, only the media luvvies have been invited…”
“Don’t worry, sir, just take this one along – just let the ‘clipboard nazies’try and turn you away…”
Rep- ” Always remember Lord Mandelson, only point a loaded weapon at something you want to destroy.”
Mandy-” Gordon, just come over here, there’s a love.”
[mandy] “Right guys, very important mission. I want you to follow some blacked out vans to a ‘secret location’…”
[spook 1] “Why’s that, boss ?”
[mandy] “I’m going to give Guido a ‘helping hand’with his paintballing…”
[spook 2] “But he is your sworn enemy ?”
[mandy] “I know, but if I use this little baby, I can unload a clip into at least half a dozen journalists before they realise they’ve been hit by something a bit more painful than a plastic pellet of paint…”
[spooks] “Ha ha ha – you are truly a vicious cur, but that’s why we like you?”
peter examines labours new election winner , “and you say canvasing door to door with one of these will give a 13% increase in support sounds interesting”
Women – Know your limits.
Keep it to butt plugs
Nice, but no match for mine…
How many Brown Bess’s with a socket bayonet will I get if the MOD goes for the cheaper option? better still have you got any Long Bows in stock?
“You’ve got to ask yourself one question: ‘Do I feel ducky?’Well, do ya hunk?”
…or are you just pleased to see me?
Mangledbum has years of experience at handling other people’s weapons !
OR I’m Used To Both “Heckles And Cock”
No Lord Fondlebum….I am sorry but that bit is not for firing a dildo up someone’s arse.
Go On Spunk ! Make Me Gay !
Right Issue These To All Labour Party Activists
If They Kill Enough Tories ,
We Will Win The Election !
Its Our Only Hope As Long As That Useless Cu*t McBust Remains
What The Hell Do They Need One Each For ?
Why Cant They Share ?
Once the Tories see the books at the Trasury, this will allow you to reach the Eurostar Express with minmal interference from the raging mob.
I take it you’ve been shot in the face before, Peter?
When I said you fuck whoever you point it at, I was only speaking figuratively.
So When people say to me they want to “Pop A Cap In my Arse ” This Is What They Mean
And I Thought They Fancied Me !
Yes Lord Mandy…this is exactly the sort of ballot paper the EUSSR needs for the post-democratic age.
Peter When i said “Make sure your weapon is empty” I mean’t This One !
Now Go And Get Some Tissue !
Forget ManHandlesBums. what about: (2009) New Labour David Miliband M.P. -PARASITE AND SUPPORTER OF TERRORISM
Mandelson takes denial of EU Foreign Minister badly and asks;
‘does it come with armour piercing bullets dipped in teflon’?
The blokes saying to Mandy
“
Not to Mandy, the man behind him:
“Alf, you pick his wallet while he’s daydreaming about shooting Cathy Ashton”
The bloke is saying to Mandy
“No mate, it doesn’t vibrate”
Mandy took the idea of class war against the Tories a bit too far.
Gun Dealer ” As you may know your days attending communist party meetings Mr Mandleson, you can achieve more with a kind word and a gun than from a kind word alone”
And you say this really was made by the lowest bidder?
I always wanted a Johnny Seven as a boy.
“Say old chap, when’s the next flight out of RAF BN? I’m feeling lucky…”
[mandy] “Ideally I need a violin case so I can sneak it in to Downing Street past the plod on the door..”
[salesman] “No problem, they know you’re musical from the rumours about you and the brown bassoon..”
[mandy] ” A SEMI-automatic you say ? With a carbine ? That’s no fucking good to me – I need to unload 300 rounds a minute in the cabinet room for what I’ve got planned…”
[flunkie] “Yes, it helps a lot if you can shoot it low down like that – they will be able to see the sardonic sadistic smile on your face as the bullets go in…”
I’ll shoot him in the balls. Come here Ed..
If you only want to fire blanks, Minister, then your best bet is to have a word with Lord Winston…..
I usually knock one up a Brazilian, but its friendly fire.
It’s for a friend of mine….
It’s the new biro from Sinn Fein’s stationery cupboard my lord, the ones you authorised when NI Secretary…
Right now to find Ken Livingstone, Tony Benn, Alan Simpson, and any other socialists left in the Labour party.
“I’ll put this against Gordon’s head, get him to declare martial law and avoid a general election that way….
Brilliant…absolutely brilliant I think!”
“Any chance of infra-red or night-vision scopes ?? I don’t want the fuckers to see what’s coming or know what’s hit them. Like they say ‘Revenge is a dish best eaten cold..”
“Very droll, Lord Mandelson..”
“Do you know, I think I’ll pop over to my old friend Ron’s house and ask him ‘Do you fancy doing a bit of, ahem, badger culling?’“
“Look my man, this isn’t what I meant when I said where would you like my beef bayonet.”
You hear me hillbilly boy?
I’m gonna get medieval on your ass.
“Oh yes – this is what I was born for”
“Fine. I’ll take it. And now will you point out Baroness Ashton to me?”
Ok this will do for getting rid of these pesky file sharers – after all I’ve been paid a fortune to get rid of them come what may.
“Of course it doesn’t work, Mr. Meddlesome, we don’t have any supplies of ammunition.”
Thank heavens that only responsible people are able to handle weapons like this in Britain today.
“You’re telling me the fucking M16 doesnt clog up with rag-head sand, and is cheaper than the fucking SA80? I don’t give a fuck if they clog or not. The only way Britain will buy them, is if i get my nice little island in the fucking Caribbean, there’s a nice chap!”
Instructions
(I) Tilt 90 degrees
(II) Place firmly under chin
(III) Pull trigger
Congratulations you have made the UK a better place