Not a caption competition this today (that is tomorrow). For context you should know that this snap was taken from yesterday’s PMQs and was kindly sent in by a co-conspirator.
Guido will send a copy of the book “Crap MPs“ to the composer of the best 4 5-line limerick conveying the circumstances surrounding this picure.
In the comments please…
Andrew Lansley Has Been Shot | Dan Hodges
Another Gay Gaffe From Ken | Standard
Pensioners Paying Price for Funny Money | Telegraph
Ken Penis Gaffe | Metro
Hague Photo Mystery | Guardian
The Iranian Model is Hitler | Lawrence J. Haas
No.10′s Andrew Cooper Should Look at this Poll | Douglas Carswell
Livingstone Has Form on Homophobia | ConservativeHome
Investors HBack Over RBS Meddling | CityAM
Riddled With It | Pink News
I Went Mad in the Seventies | Ken
Guy Newsroom Splits | Indy
Polly’s Voodoo Polling | UK Polling Report
Labour SpAd Backs the Bill | Mark Wallace
Guido Goes for the Lobby | Press Gazette
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Max Clifford says…
“Most people want to read nasty things about people, not nice things.”
Maybe if they really wanted to “decontaminate the Labour brand” with business people, they shouldn’t have totally buggered up the economy?
Just a thought.
“OH SHIT THEY’VE FOUND OUT ABOUT THE TORTURE STUFF!
I THINK I MIGHT GET FUCKING LYNCHED!”
TaT seems, as ever, to have missed the point.
give me a fucking break Fawkes.
propaganda rule number 1) smite first. ask questions later.
keep up FFS old man.
dear oh dear what have I done
I torture afghans and their sons
I underfund the troops I send
to bleed to death for no good end
He said 5 lines, you thick thief.
Four line verses is more ‘Rubert the Bear’.
You’ve got me waiting for the next verse about Algy now.
That’s actually quite good.
I’ve lived in financial delusion
The Nation in bankrupt confusion
I’ll lose the elction
And the labour infection
Will be cured with a right wing solution
For care in the Community.
Not bad, but I thought he was squeezing one out, judging by the agonised look. Maybe Harperson heard or smelt it.
I nominate TaT to win 1st prize.
Said the Fortune Teller with a very dirty brown nose!
leave my fans alone or I will bash your fucking brains out.
Come over here and discuss it!
Leave him alone. In a chat-room full of pompous farts and buffoons, TaT’s interventions sweep through like a summer breeze on a lazy Sunday afternoon: soothing in its feel, surging in its power.
See that Christopher Meyer, poncing about in his red socks and his frilly shirt? Fucking establishment ponce.
Yeah but Meyer appears to be telling the inquiry what actually went on.
He’d better not take a walk in the woods on his own.
how could he as he was not at the Crawford Ranch for the blood decision
@ London Muslim
Read his evidence.
“Yeah but Meyer appears to be telling the inquiry what actually went on.”
The tousands of people who took to the srtreets knew all along what went on, Meyer has just confirmed it.
Problem is, in the highly unlikely case that the enquiry comes to the conclusion we went to war because Balir lied to parliament, what will be the available sanction for Blair. Has he broken any laws? Is it an offence to lie to parliament or the electrorate?
@ Skippy
Re Blair. No, he’s too clever for that – but Brown agreed and funded this whole shebang, and he’s going to have to face the electorate soon.
The public can deal with Blair later on.
TAT is the resident arschloch.
Obviously comes from north of Watford,wanker.
Or Newark
said the pair of wankers.
Welsh, is my bet
Tat, the perfect Bitch.
Only trouble is he is far from perfect.
said the taffy.
I did not steal that leg of lamb.
But I did mug that old granny.
Hey Harriet you smell a bit funny today.
Surely she smells everyday.
Yes, yes she does.
Honking Harriet.
there once was a fearty from fife
at the end of his political life
to n-one’s surprise
he screwed up his eyes
when asked when he last had his wife………….
An incompetent leader called Brown
Had every reason to frown
Trick questions galore
About Muslims and war
Made him wish he could stay sitting down
A fat fuck from Fife
Tried to ruin my life
So i shat on his chair
He made a face like Cheri Blair
When he realised it wasn’t his wife
Said the Son of the Manse
An election – no chance!
The people of Britain can wait.
Until i’ve shat my pants and thought of a date
when the country is fucked and it’s far too late
God these piles are killing me!
You mean the piles of debt?
It seemed that something was wrong
The talking went on far too long
When up jumped Dave
And gave me a wave
And I knew I would shortly be gone
My thoughts are entirely clear
I’d like to go out for a beer
Young Nick and young Dave
Are having a Rave
But I’m Gordon the one they all fear
Lily Lily, lick my willie.
A Scot by the name of Gordon
Was sitting in Westminster Palace with a hard on
“Is that a stiff dick I see?”
Said Peter, his successor-to-be
Or are you just wanking off to David Cameron?
DOGEREL OR DOGERREL EITHER WAY CRAP
4 line limerick? Surely 5
OK
It doesn’t matter – it’s a trick question. Gordon doesn’t think – he has Darth Mandy to do that for him,
Why has the Prime Mentalist taken to wearing an Old Etonian tie? Is he trying to tell Dave something? Maybe he wants him to be his fag.
There once was a squinter named broon
‘whose smile was as good as a froon
his fate was soon sealed
(drunk/stoned at the wheels)
and his legacy that of a hoon (kudos to guido autocorrect ; )
There once lived an emperor, Blair,
whose word was as good as hot air,
A miser called brown
did covet his crown,
if only the tale ended there.
In a land long since spoiled
a wise man whose blood boiled
liked the thought of a go on the throne
but the populace laughed (at his stab in the dark)
his solution was merely a loan.
When solving the problems of debt
first bail out the bankers who’d bet;
“the future is bright
these rules hath no bite”
(Meanwhile the god-emperor slept.)
When marking your ballot next year
it’s abundantly clear
that all we hold dear
is squandered away, ev’ry night ev’ry day
by a pill-popping scot and his queer.
Sometimes we have to be blunt;
Some words cause objection
hence autocorrection
but never in life, has a person from fife
been so widely hailed as a cun.t
I thought limericks had five lines.
NO 2) AND NO 3) ALWAYS REMEMBER:
I AM NUMBER ONE: I AM TOP BOY
YOU ARE JUST A PAIR OF CRIPPLES
THE END.
Yes, OK, amended.
I was worried it was a government cutback I didn’t know about!
Make your mind up, Fawkes.
You can split this into five if you feel the need.
There was a fat twat from Kirkcaldy
Whose trousers turned ever so mouldy
Whilst seeking the cause he soiled both his paws
Then wiped them on Dave oh so boldly
Kirkawwwwwdy is how it’s pronounced.
Pardonnez moi.
Hoots, mon, it’s a braw bricht moonlicht nicht, etc.
Second verst, changed from the first, nothing to do with the pic but with, perhaps, a soupcon of Eskimo Nell:
Now that hairy old ass from Kirkawwwwwdy
Had a mien so coarse and so bawdy
That the fruit of his nose and cheese from his toes
Were as food of the gods to Oooooooooor Gordy
Fucking hell, shagging a woman, who’d wanna do that
I sit here all broken hearted
My chances of winning departed
Over there they all think
That they…what’s that stink?
I can’t believe Cameron just farted!
Here I sat broken hearted paid a penny and Harriet farted. Could not be bothered with more lines. GB is only worth one liners
Old Farty- Harriet Harty!
My name is Gordon and I am a twat,
I’ve taken up jogging cos the press think I’m fat,
I’ve been put on a diet and am missing my stew,
so often pick my nose, just to have something to chew.
Bitty…Bitty……
He asked for a four line limerick,
But I knew Id struggle to finish it,
There wasn’t the time,
I was missing a line….
You could have put:
But everyone knows Gordons a dimwit.
Ed Balls wasn’t having a good day
School funds allegedly going astray
He’d scoffed back a tart
let out a shamelful fart
and the stench was slowly drifting Gordo’s way.
A shirtlifting Scotsman called Brown
Sports such and incredible frown
Cos he’s sure that he reeks
Of the crap in his breeks
Knowing his rating’s gone down
Bravo!
Seconded!
The chamber was like a bear pit,
Darling was going to talk shit,
Cameron was mauling,
Ed Balls was bawling
And poor Gordon’s pants didn’t fit!
4 lines – (not 5?)
I saved the world, don’t you know
Leaving our finances as black as snow
But an accident means I can’t see
So please David don’t hurt me!
5 line-
There was a man called Gordon,
Whom was popular with the Northern.
He once fell asleep,
Was ousted without a peep
And woke to be replaced by Jordon.
Assuming you meant five lines.
There once was an MP from Fife
Who was always afraid for his life
To questions of competence
At his own Party Conference
He preferred to just hide ‘hind his wife
I like that ditty.
There once was a wanker called Brown
Who’s chin would bob up and down
He’ll lose the election
i’ll get an erection
and i’ll cock slap the lefties from town.
Prime minister Brown is a Huhne
And all his MP’s i would hunt
With a Barrett M1
A fucking big gun
And all of their balls i would punt.
Why’d you mod that??
Prime Minister Brown made some calls
To the whores near westminsters halls
But his penis they’d mock
So he whipped out his cock
And jizzed all over Ed Balls
I laughed
Oh no there was blood on that bogey!
Lessons have been learn’d
But still I’m getting burn’d
I know ’tis the right thing to do
But maybe not for you, you & you
As we head for David’s turn, Ed
junk limericks,too.
Why has the Stock Exchanged halted on a technicality on the same day that Dubai has stated it wants a six month holiday on repaying it’s debts and the press are reporting nothing?
Is it nothing or are we at the edge of another banking crisis?
Well,at least we will all go out with a fucking limerick competition, as the world melts by five o’clock!
Hold tight. Here we go again.
I blame the Hadron Collider. Run by the Swiss, remember.
It started in Ameri…..erm, I mean Dubai.
Hyak, yak yak.
4 line limerick? Will a 4 line rhyme do:
You ask why Gordon looks aghast and we must say in rhyme
With only 4 lines possible – for more there isn’t time
Well first I’ll list expenses, then “ending” Boom and Bust
Or maybe he’s just realised he’s never had our trust
“I wish those flying snakes would leave me alone.”
As Gordon stifled a sneeze
He had an incredible wheeze
“I know! I’ll be so bold,
as to sell all the gold”
And the country will be brought to its knees.
Just wait till I get hold of Blinky,
We all know he has a wee winkie,
He mouthed it was shameful,
For me it’s been painful,
As the bufoon has just let off a stinky!
Kaboom tish!
The Prime Minister was overheard
“In the election I think we’ll come third
The electorate is bright…
…and try as we might
we can’t really polish a turd”
Try this one sports fans. Hope it makes you sick.
With Cameron acting so tough,
And Clegg cutting up a bit rough,
Wise Gordon sat down
With a glowering frown
Just as Harman squeezed out a hot guff.
Sniff sniff……Mmmmmm.
A P. M. who was known as a fool
Once sat in the House feeling cool.
But his sang-froid was hit
By a strong urge to shit
A hard uncomfortable stool.
Applause
Agreed
It struck a chord?
Struck cloth…
”Applause”
Or an early day motion, perhaps?
A history teacher called Brown
Brought the entire UK banking world down
When asked why he did it
He confessed ‘I’m an idiot
And, some say, an absolute clown’
CLAPS!
More claps
***applause***
There was a young man from Govan
Who believed he had the right to govern
After Tony departed
His chancellor farted
lAnd eft the Home Secretary scrubbin’
Splendid use of assonance, dear boy
Bugger!
Not even I would THAT one!
There once was a man from Kircaldy,
Whose policies were incredibly shoddy,
He ran like a snail,
As he knew it wouldn’t fail,
To stop his wife ravishing his body
Bugger!
Not even I would eat THAT one!
There once was a coward called Brown
He was often caught with his pants down
Unable to look smug
He borrowed Pete’s butt plug
And ended up with a terrible frown
Oh damn the equalities bill
TNT up my arse is a thrill
They’ll find my vagina
In North Carolina
And Ed Balls’ balls in Brazil
Nice
I didn’t come here
to debate and think.
I came here
to talk shit
and stink.
(There you go. A two liner strtched to five)
There once was a PM from Fife
Who was determined to bugger his wife.
So imagine his delight
When his trouble and strife
Greased it up, smiled, then turned out the light.
There was an old Bishop of Birmingham
Who buggered young boys while confirming ‘em
To rapturous applause
He ripped down their drawers
And pumped the episcopal sperm in ‘em.
and the other Bishop:
A vice most obscure and unsavoury
held the Bishop of Gloucester in slavery
Amid bestial howls
He deflowered young owls
In a crypt fitted out as an aviary.
The tool of the Bishop of Truro
Was a rich colorado maduro
And the real cognoscenta
Said his balls were magenta
Shot through with chiaroscuro
There once was a PM called Gord,
Whose deputy was a gay lord,
“Peter, don’t be a stranger”
“I want you inside my chamber”
Mandy obliged with a length of pork sword
9/10
9 and a half!
Here’s the face Broon makes when wanking,
dreaming of his new job in Banking,
He wasted all of our cash,
but he still enjoys a bash
of the bishop whilst the economy is tanking.
Poor Gordon has just had a shock
It’s probably Blinky’s c***
Which has entered his pants
During one of his rants
Like that ladyboy bought in Bangkok
There was a man from Fife,
Who was a commie most of his life,
When not given the brief
He gave Balls some grief
For making his life a strife
There was an arsehole called Brown,
Who couldn’t keep all of his bogey’s down,
One day in the Chamber,
He picked one that screamed DANGER!
And flicked it all over Nick Brown.
Are you sure he was thinking anything?
“I could have been a contender
I could have been someone
Instead of a bum
Which is what I am
Good job I have that gun”
Yuck, my bogey tastes different. Oh, I forgot I didn’t bother to wash my hands after my Peter Mandelson tryst.
Our dour Gordon sits there nail chewing,
It seems that there’s trouble a-brewing.
“School funding’s been cleared
For Hizb ut Tahrir”
and Conservative benches are booing.
The answer he offered was meek
An ‘inquiry’, ‘a letter next week’,
For Ed it was ‘shameful’
Poor Gord just looked painful
All in all? They’re both up shit creek.
A tale of ineffable woe
Cooked up by DC and young Gove
Gord grimaced once more
Marched off of the Floor,
And sought out a mobile to throw.
Lim Er Ick. Well known verse form?
I liked it.
There once was the Son of the Manse
Who was a bit of a nance
His closet was hot
and he shared it with Trots
and he sold out the UK to France
McDoom said och aye the noo
I couldn’t half do with a poo
Ah nae that’s not great
I just cannae wait
It seems that I’ve just followed through….
It’s hurting a bit
Having this shit
Oh No!I’m gurning
My ring is burning
Ready to split.
Oh no said Gordon, I’ve been sussed
I promised no more boom and bust
But the economy is screwed
And everyone to me is so rude
Oh why did I not in Tony just trust?
They all said it just can’t be achieved
But I’ve proved them wrong, I believe
Boom and Bust is no more
For now I’ve made sure
That Boom’ s gone and Bust will not leave
A pot-bellied son of the manse
Snapped a smelly one off in his pants
While discussing defences
To egregious expenses
His deposits shamed public finance
oo i could never do a conservative
never not as long as i live
allthough osbourne is looking rather scrummy
i may be tempted by his bummy
and mandybum says he likes to take and give
There once was a man named Brown
who couldn’t quite manage a frown
so he took up gurning
it appears he’s still learning
he remains a political clown
If only I had a big penis
but all I can do is dreamis
It should stretch to there
but I’m wanking fresh air
What can you do in extremis?
There was an incompetent sod,
(Incidentally, he thought he was God),
He’d fingered a wench,
Sat on the front bench,
Now his fingers were reeking of cod.
Imagine the prime ministers pain
As he sniffed his hand in disdain
As the scent of the cum
From lord foibles bum
Had been washed away by the rain
As a filthy rotten foul stench
Slowly speads across the front bench
Harman holds her nose
Brown’s silent – he knows
There’s no hiding his fart from that wench.
There blew forth a disturbance
From the arse of the son of the Manse
“M.. M… Mister speaker
My bottom’s a leaker
I’ve laid a Brown job in my pants.”
I think Browns’s wondering:
“Will Dave ever actually mention,
a source of terrible tension,
I’ve blown all our gold
made the economy fold
and finshed by fucking your pension?”
He is trying to work out which of three disasters this week is the one he can spin round the most..
(a) Baroness waasername was on the management team of an organisation dedicated to underwmining western security in the cold war…oh, yeah..Ashton…
(b). That he and his beloved former boss, lied to and connived their way into leading the UK into a fake and illegal war ….and then not equiping the forces to do the job properly…and no post war plan
…or
(c). The Hadley CRU data and corresspondence proving that GW science and data are a deliberate hoax on the public by the Green Fascist movement….
….or that Gold will continue to rise in price…..or that the UK will head for a deeper recession in the next 16-18months….or….
o/T
Comments invited on green website ‘write a love letter to the future’
by Rubi on November 22, 2009
I just hope future generations don’t blame us for way our Earth is now. I hope they get to realize that we are not all the same,and most of us did care of our Earth.
by Joshua on November 20, 2009
my love for the earth is strong, i hope that the future is bright, forget about cars and tech., its all about nature, the wind blowing through your hair and the laughter of children playing with leaves and clean water, its about the smells of fresh air and new life
by Asia on November 19, 2009
the best future one can have is the one when you awaken …and the room is warmed by gentle sunlight, the song of the birds fill the air, when you open the window and smell the fresh , clean breeze and the sound of children’s laughter rings out loud…
And the millenarianism infects young and old as the future beckons with a seductive vision of the millenial paradise that is our birthright…only throw off the shackles of a polar bear murdering past. (and capitalism)
Greens of the World Unite. You have nothing to lose. The future belongs to you.
Just as long as I can still have my Maserati
What a bunch of commie shite. This is the type of propaganda that Stalin used to push. It actually makes me feel a little bit sick.
Fucking hell. It sounds like some spoof out of ‘Family Guy’.
‘Hello clouds, hello sky, hello Fotherington-Thomas….’ then WHACK Stewies in there with a machine gun hosing the fuckers with an Uzi and sticking the video on youtube.
Someone should tell them the children and having more of them is the problem. In the countryside where I live there are no Greens — they seem to confine themselves to towns — mud, dogs and cow/chicken/pig/sheep crap is too much for their delicate sensibilities and there are no skinny lattes for 20 miles.
Huhnes
Ffs would you stop modding me if i wrote c*nts instead.
Dear Future,
I just hope future generations now see the links between “green” movements and that other mass death machine called Marxism.
They are melons, green on the outside, red on the inside. All resources will be rationed equally to ensure no one person gets more than anyone else. Mind you, some are more equal than others.
Not a word about population though, why?
Sustainable Bathroom Renovation?
by Jessica on Nov 18, 2009
Im about to start renovating my home and would like advice speciafically on how to install a sustainable bathroom. Im interested in all types of sustianability e.g. saving water but most of all I want a bathroom and a process of installing it that is as low impact as possible in terms of carbon and greenhouse gas emissions. e.g. I know many baths are made from acrylic – but what is the process involved in making these and is it very energy intensive producing co2? also if so are there alternatives? My priority is minimal greenhouse gas emissions in terms of the materials I use, and the process involved in installation. Thanks
Jessica,
Make do with your old bath.
Buy a second hand bath.
Jackass.
My bathroom is full of greenhouse gas emissions – especially after a few pints of Old Bladder Thumper the night before.
Dear Jessica,
How sweet of you to want to save the planet! I should warn you that the planet is actually massive, and you are as a microscope pimple on Gaia’s big arse, if not as a mere microbe in the pimple on Gaia’s arse, so you should not underestimate the immensity of the task. Have you tried jumping up and down recently? I presume you do jump up and down, as it’s the only natural low-impact form of contraception, and I am sure you do not want to make unnecessary babies that breathe Mother Nature’s precious oxygen. See, Gaia’s arse barely wobbled, didn’t it?
But let’s talk baths. Mmmmmmm. I would like to plug the benefits of cast iron tubs. Acrylic is soooo common, and cast iron ones don’t need bath plugs, which are so easy to lose in some nook, cranny or other orifice as one lies in the bath surrounded by candles, contemplating one’s navel, heroically saving the poor defenseless planet from human rapists (invariably male chauvinst pigs).
But think of the heating bills, dear girl! How much of Gaia’s precious fluids have been forcibly taken from her so you can enjoy some quality time in a hot bath? More than enough to make you feel guilty, I would hope. If so, forget a full length bath – better go for an old-fashioned tin bath. And fill it with the dishwater from the washing up. If you use it in the kitchen it will save heating the bathroom, which you can then turn into a cannabis factory or shrine to Gaia.
However, if you are really concerned about the planet, you should take showers outside like the billion Indians do. There are so many of them that they have to take their baths standing up as there is no room for lying down – appalling, I agree. Of course, unless there is significant climate change, you might find yourself going without a bath for months at a time. Don’t worry about this. What you need to do is convince all your friends to do the same. No one will whisper that you smell of fish as a result – you are all vegetarians I’m expect, and fish are already a protected species, so soon no one will remember what a rotten fish smells like.
All of this may come as a shock to you, but I did say that saving the planet was not going to be easy. You may prefer to start with simple and effective measures. The one to avoid at all costs is flooping in the bath – methane is 20 times worse than CO2, and CO2 is now officially a harmful pollution, so do not fart when you bathe. Or ever.
Best of luck with your new bathroom.
Agony Aunt
P.S. Bathplugs are 88p from Homebase.
http://crunchydomesticgoddess.com/2008/09/14/ditch-the-disposables-challenge-check-in-1/
Why should I? What’s the future ever done for me?
A dithering big ‘feartie’ called Brown,
Had a face that was always a frown,
His hands were all shaky,
His vision was flaky,
In short, a political clown.
We once had a minister called Brown,
Unelected, he’d stolen his crown
From copier to Nokia
as headlines got rockier
All his aides could shout was “GET DOWN”
I am a wee farty from Fife
I took for a beard a wfe
I don`t do elections
I can’t get erections
and I fear for my political life.
Cameron has got some brass
asking a question like that
oh there’s something wrong with my arse
Jesus I’ve just had a shat
er, that’s it
The Ballad of Bruin —— by Wildeyed Crombie
There once was an ole man called Bruin
Who once brought the country to ruin
Never mind said the bore
With a gape of the jaw
You’ll be worse off than I will quite soon
One day in the house of commons somewhere,
A wanker did sit in a chair,
As Gord sat in front,
And looked like a cnut,
As the wanker had jizzed in his hair
There was a man (Tony) in my past
Who said beware it does not last
Every bouncing ball will lie still
Every Act comes with a bill
And Gordon, Labour will be surpassed
Cameron’s making me look stupid,
I admit that’s not hard to do,
I think I’ll have to pull a face,
And pretend to do a poo.
The one eyed son of the manse,
whilst cutting one loose in his pants,
thought “I’ll take it upon me,
to wreck the economy,
then waste billions to prop up the banks.”
While the coffers of Britain hold nowt
My mind it is plagued with such doubt
Who do I want now
Jedward’s taken their bow
I can’t seem to figure it out
I sold all the gold, too cheap I’ve been told.
Gave money to France, I’m the son of the Manse.
Paid for a moat, and avoided a vote.
My staff all get rants, and I shit in my pants.
They call me McDoom, and I’d better leave soon.
Och Noo, almost 12 o’clock
That time when, Socialists, the English do mock
Up gets the toff
I’ll tell him f**k off
‘n let the world be saved by the one eyed Jock
…thisguy asks, ‘Ever heard of Metre?’
F**k that EU shite, I would rather have 3 1/3 feet.
Three feet, three and three eigths of an inch.
Lisbon, expenses
and war with the Muzzies
It would be easier to be Tory
shagging rent boys and prossies
Not contented to lose public trust
After failing on ‘No boom and bust’
The idiot Balls
Rubbed his shit on the walls
While the PM looked on in disgust.
A puritain in an age of austerity,
Should give him a favourable posterity.
But the lies and the sleeze,
(Of which you would not believe!),
Make him squirm with his own lack of popularity.
There was a big feardie from Fife
Who was given a beard as his wife.
As Sara went down,
He farted and frowned,
“Hold your breath if you value your life”.
The Son of The Manse simply wondered,
Sitting down, why applause hadn’t thundered.
His own side sat cowed,
Darling hiccuped aloud,
Then fulsomely, noisomely, chundered
Gordon Brown has a sour demeanour
A face like a man eating a weiner
Because he thought
He wouldn’t be caught
Claiming twelve grand for a cleaner.
There was a PM called Brown
Who liked to act the clown
But when he sneezed a handful of snot
He gobbled it up in a shot
But even he failed to keep it down
There was a debate about lines
On guido’s post about rhymes
but when snorting coke
I met this bloke
who said five is better than four every time.
nice
Brown said it started in America
We said it started with him
No more boom or bust he said
we said no more boom
Where’s Guido Fawkes when you need him
He sits there and gets a tongue-lashing
When he’d rather it was a bum-bashing
From Mandy of Foy
Or a Brazilian boy
In a nappy, (which still is his passion)
There was once a one-eyed Scot of the Browns,
Who’s fiscal incompetence had no bounds.
He spent way above our max
We are now paying a deluge of tax,
And he is damned by history as a clown.
The man behind Gordo was strumming,
Whilst Harriet was set next to him humming,
Brown felt a slight sting,
As mandy prepared Gordy’s ring,
To receive a well deserved bumming
Remember Climate Gate. Look what happens when someone asks for the data used to calculate the global temperature. Look how they conspire to subvert the FOI process.
We are paying the salaries of these people!
http://camirror.wordpress.com/2009/11/25/willis-eschenbachs-foi-request/#more-75
http://www.nzclimatescience.org.nz/images/PDFs/global_warming_nz2.pdf
Data used by CRU to model NZ’s temps for the last 150+ years doesn’t match the actual data maintained by the New Zealand National Institute of Water and Atmospheric Research (NIWA). Dr. J. Salinger, the person responsible is an ex-employee of CRU.
Is that a limerick?
Gordon under-funds the wards,
To pay his buddies Climate Frauds.
…
He said beg your pardon!
I’m loaded with carbon
Like Monbiot, Salinger and Gores.
*claps*
http://wattsupwiththat.com/2009/11/26/warwick-hughes-shows-how-jones-put-bias-in-australian-temperatures/
Here are 11 examples where Jones et al systematically truncated pre-1951 data or ignored more rural data around many small town Australian stations. These graphics and text have been extracted from a 1992 vintage Word doc that somehow survived the decades and how many HDD’s.
I am still reeling from the ‘Months worth of Rain in One Day”
If you go back to the turn of the last century, and look at Seathwaites rainfall recordings.
No matter how hard I try to spin it. Total Precipitation per annum, divide by Twelve. (Fair?)
The amount of water that fell in the actual day recorded, and compare to monthly average.
Someone is taking the piss. BBC in particular. All the other Cumbrian permanent weather stations require the same data check.
But whilst technically miles out, it does help spin the AGW lie.
There once was a moody old Scot
Who was really a bit of a clot
No answers he gave
To questions from Dave
As he ate a few fingers of snot
McDoom said “I dinae do it”
Despite the place stinkin o’ shit
But stuck to the chair
He’d fouled the fresh air
And in the Brown steaming stuff he now sits
“I..I…I saved the world”, said GB,
“But still no-one listens to me”
Replied Dave, “That’s a fact,
“You talk through your hat.
“PS. You fucked the economy”
Old King Brown was a merry old clown,
And a merry old clown was he.
He called for an end to Boom and Bust,
(only Tories fault, you see).
The world’s economy stuttered,
The UK took a massive hit,
And all his claims of fiscal skill
Were shown as completely shit.
There was a young man called Gordon,
Who popular belief held to be a moron.
He stabbed Blair in the back,
But for the job he’d no knack,
And he doesn’t seem to know there’s a war on.
Some say that he’s a bit of a trier
Others a compulsive liar
‘Cos he claimed that he’s not
Picked and eaten his snot
If that’s true – why are his pants on fire?
There were two schools in Tottenham and Slough,
That Labour showered with money, and how!
But then Brown got a shock,
And Balls looked like a cock,
Because the schools were a terrorist cash cow.
The opposition were all in a flurry,
about how the government spent without worry,
so they starved Gordon Brown,
and all of his clowns,
and then fed them an arse-splitting curry!
Labour is red
Tory is Blue
Limerick production up 3.5%
limericks don’t always make sense, are a bit pointless,
and don’t work properly
A bit like Brown
at the mention of Hizb ut Tahrir
mcbroon came over all queer
he pictured fanatics
with their russian automatics
bending him over and bombing his rear
There was and odd fish from Fife
Who plunged the UK into strife
The stench of his Treason
Exceeded all reason
So he gurned for the rest of his life
Hickory Dickory Dock,
The man who f*cked Northern Rock,
He knew that at one,
He’d have to pull his pants down,
Ready for Fondlebum’s c*ck!
Gordon Brown at about twelve twenty two
Had the sudden need for a poo
Sat next to Hattie
He released a shit patty
Convinced it was the right thing to do
There once was a son of a Manse,
Who thought spending was the way to advance,
He spent all our lolly ,employed dear Dolly
Now Darling is in charge of finance.
Harriet sat down beside him and giggled,
He thought she was making a pass,
She’d sat on his (moral) compass,
And wedged it right up her arse.
A failing PM, name of Brown,
Met with Lord Mandy Pandy in town.
You can tell by the look
On his face, he was shook.
When Brown on the town went on down.
***********************************
His expenses are just incidental,
His clunking fist never called gentle,
And we all know for sure,
That the pills are no cure,
For a one-eyed old Jock who is mental.
**********************************
Old Brown has just thought he could die,
After he had inhaled a large fly.
But that fearful arouser,
Came from Manselson’s trouser,
Who really is Brown’s type of guy.
**********************************
In the Commons for that PMQ,
The PM didn’t know what to do.
As soon as he’d started,
The Speaker just farted,
And landed somewhere outside Kew.
The House of Commons is full if shit,
The man pictured speaks most of it,
He is known for his prudence, his lies and deceit,
And his trousers and pants are full of it.
There was a young son of the Manse
Oft found with his hands in Pete’s pants.
“Lord Mandy” he said,
“I’d dearly thee bed.
To Fife! Be my wife! Lets be wed!”
Like it but isn’t the last line meant to rhyme with the first two?
There was a PM called Brown
Who sat agonisingly down
Balls was too far away
For him to do anything but say
‘I’ll look into this matter’ with a frown.
There was a dumb fellow named Brown
Who forgot to take his pants down
He looked quite a sap
Caught taking a crap
While wearing an almighty frown
Dubai is a model economy.
But not to scale.
Isn’t it?
Will this do or are you a family show?
Gordon tends to grimace a lot
When he thinks of Mandelson’s cock
When it pops he’ll scoff the lot
Its the price he has to pay for staying at the top!
Look forward to me book – ta!
There was a young son of the Manse
who sat on the front bench in a trance
while talking shit
to a bunch of half wits
he crimped one off in his pants
There once was a man with a compass
Who created an unholy rumpus
Everything he touched
Turned to dust
Oh, Gordon, you have sunk us!
At questions he gave ‘em no quarter
But his ring-piece just couldn’t be tauter
He tried to look smitten
But his kecks he did shit’em
And fair made his glass eye shed water
To prove he’s a bit of a ‘bloke’
The PM asked Flint for a ‘smoke’
So eager to please
She got on her knees
And here’s Brown on his vinegar stroke.
LOL!
yeah good, although the last line is a bit clunky.
Like his fist.
The PM was sat there at Q,
And what should then come into view?,
But regions so nether,
And clad just in leather,
“Theresa, I thought it was you!”.
There was a polit called Brown
Who was seen on green benches to frown
He felt something down there
And thought it was air
Unfortunately was something quite brown
I swallowed a wasp that tasted like shite,
leaving my face contorted and trite,
I bang the lectern on the Commons desk
a gavel in hand or a hammer behest
as they bellow and shout they all detest.
There was a Prime Minister called Brown
Who only knew how to frown
But when Harriet farts
And the odour permeates all parts
Then Brown’s frown makes him a clown
A gay dour man from Kirkcaldy
was refused a job at Aldi
So to New Labour he went
that he could pay the rent
now he rants and rages very loudly.
His face was contorted with angst
Wondering why no-one ever said ‘Thanks’
Till Cameron stood
Said ‘Snap out of your mood,
You’re good for fuck all but blaming the yanks
There was a young man named G Brown MP
Who buggered the trade in the country
It was not my intention
To fuck up your pension
Just a side effect of my prudent fiscal stimulii
Twelve years of deception and spin
and lies, corruption and sin
Have taken their toll
On that Scottish arsehole,
It’s enough to turn one to gin.
In an accent quite heavy and gruff
He said ‘economics is tough’
you must give me your trust
to end boom and bust
but now we’re all in the Brown stuff
PMQs was a bit of a toil
Even the backbenchers weren’t being that loyal
So as a digression
Brown did an impression
A pitch perfect sour Susan Boyle.
There was an odd chap called Brown,
Who is, it was said, a clown.
He spent all our money,
and thought it quite funny,
as he dragged our fair country down.
There as a young Lord from Belgravia
who painted his bum like a dahlia
threepence a smell was all very well
but fourpence a lick was a failure
Hey diddle diddle
Brown did a piddle
All over the commons mat
Harriet laughed to see such fun
And farted all over the twat
O/T
As if the UK tax code is not complicated enough
Darling just said there is a case for creating more tax bands and widening the coverage
Tinkering while Rome burns
A rainy morning.
Gordon Brown breaks down and cries
Into his porridge.
Haiku!
bless you
There was a grant from Brown,
Hiz-but Tahrir drew it down,
The spending’s all done,
the kids are still dumb,
but the caliphate is nearer the Crown
gordon brown behaved like a clown
his trade mark was his frown.
The locals weren’t impressed
one of them shot him down
Gordon Brown couldn’t give a toss
When Ed Balls started to mouth dross
He’d got a bit blotto
Thinking up his new family motto
‘Irrumabo et pedicabo vos’.
The PM sits, waiting to stand,
And thinks “this has got right out of hand;
They can’t give me such grief
If it’s not in my brief
It’s the Tories who ought to be banned”.
There was an old man called Broon,
Who was born two months too soon,
He hadn’t the luck,
To be got from a f**k,
But a toss-off shoved in with a spoon.
The PM was once heard to weep,
My figures I no longer can keep,
It’s Cam’rons demand,
That I keep them in hand,
And squeeze them if falling asleep.
The Houses of Parliament quake
At another NuLabour mistake,
But in less than a year
We’ll have nothing to fear
Except for that Cameron snake!
There’s a screw loose about this hoose,
Thought Cameron as Broon sat doon,
If he won’t answer my question,
I’ll make a suggestion,
Can he will call an election soon.
When deciding what behaviour’s the oddest
Of a man who has never been modest
I think you’ll agree
That the clincher must be
That he’s never knowingly honest
Jack and Jil went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down
and broke his crown
Gordon turned up in time to make the six o’clock news, with his condolences and promises to review all hills and buckets in fairyland.
“The reason my party will lose
Is ’cause the public’s discovered our ruse:
We’re all in cahoots
To fill up our boots,
Man I got dem NuLabour blues!”
There was an old man from Fife,
Who married a thick ankled wife,
It didn’t really matter,
‘Cos he was known to splatter,
As took it up the arse in life.
“When the wee scunner T. Blair departed,
The global downturn had’nay started.
Now there’s no boom, just bust -
Even Clegg’s got me sussed:
And Harriet Harman’s just farted.”
Ye ken?
Brown’s plan was a hopeful beginning,
Labour spoilt his chances by fiddling;
Brown hopes that the story
Will still end in glory,
But at present the other side’s winning.
The PM, a son of the manse,
With the blood of dead troops on his hands,
When asked why some cash,
On jihadists he’d splashed,
Said “Ed was doing this in my pants!”
“Infallible? When? Let me ponder.
When commencing my mission to squander?
When I scrapped boom and bust?
Saved the world? Earned your trust?
Ah, the men in white coats linger yonder.”
It rhymes; it scans; it’s pointed; it, hrrm, comes to a climax: it’s got to be a winner!
It may look like he’s spoiled his britches
But in truth that’s not what the glitch is
You see behind him is sat
A fat fingered twat
And our Gordon he doesn’t like bitches
for spoiled read soiled
It may look like he’s soiled his britches
But in truth that’s not what the glitch is
You see behind him is sat
A fat fingered twat
And our Gordon he doesn’t like bitches
“Well, I don’t really know, Rita.”
Oi Cameron, sniff this one…[SOUND OF WET FART]
Ooh I knew I shoudn’t have eaten those baked beans
On the bench he sat, having denied
That by Lisbon we have been Shanghaied.
Tears formed in his eyes
As he still spun his lies :
“Constitutionally, we’re not hog-tied”
A Scottish socialist called Brown,
Had a face with a permanent frown,
Economics was a mystery,
To this PhD in History,
Whose reign dragged the whole country down.
Nice one
A socialist, Scottish, called Brown
had a face with a permanent frown
Economics a mystery
to this PhD History
And his reign dragged the whole country down
There was a grumpy old man called Brown,
who scrunched his face and made a horrid sound,
His chancellor was with rage ceased
For the legacy he bequeathed,
So punched him when he sat down!
A third rate PM was Broon,
Slunk into a Lisbon room,
Signed treaty on side,
but action was snide,
so remained known as a hoon,
For Any Rotten Tory
As PMQ’s went to pot
Gordon sneezed out a noseful of snot
“Oh goody” said he
“I’ll have this for tea”
And he gobbled it down – all the lot !
Whatever he’s doing in that picture, I hope it hurts. A lot.
There was an old bottler named Brown
Whose face was a permanent frown
With a misanthropic glower
He clings on to power
Whilst dragging his country down
Oops, sorry #187 & #201. I swear I didn’t see yours.
Oh dear, what can the matter be
Gordon’s caught short, wants to go to the lavatory
Oh my my, must catch Speaker’s attention
or he’ll end up dumping in Harriet’s dimension
There was a P.M.from Fife,
Who had the job he’d been after all his life,
‘Till he passed a brown banana in a most unpleasant manner,
And stood there wondering what to tell his wife.
There was a young man named Gordon
Who’s cock was a bit of a short one
To make up for the loss
He took over as boss
And fucked the country up the wrong un
There once was a Scot,without clue
Who couldn’t wait for end of PMQ
His sphincter went weak
He lifted a cheek
and covered the front benches in poo.
Again.
Selling gold cheap we’ve not forgotten
that it’s called the Brown Bottom
Though seeing this shot
that he’s definitely not
someone with pants of clean cotton
Gordo gurns & grimaces:
“This painful constipation
Is costing the Nation
I’m so full of crap
That I am the chap
Who should win your shitty prize!”
There once was an ugly jawed Scot,
Who yearned for a place at the top,
So he ousted the Blair,
Cherie yelled “that’s not fair!”
And his zip got caught up in his cock!
read ……….’with his c..k’. Ouch!
Time for a gag folks
A plane was about to crash.
A woman stands up and shouts, “if i’m going to die, i’m going to do it feeling like a woman. She strips off and says “is there anyone here who is man enough to make me feel like a real woman?
A male passenger stands up and shouts “yeah – me!”
he takes off his shirt and says “here, iron this!!”
LOL!
(looney tunes theme tune)
There is an old man called Brown
Westminster’s number one clown
But here come the Tories
It’s going to get gory
As Gordon is forced to leave town
What is politics?
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, ‘What is Politics?’
Dad says, ‘Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family, so we will call me The Prime Minister.
Your mother helps me makes all the important decisions, so we will call her the Government.
We are here to take care of all your needs and tell you what you may or may not do so we will call you the People.
The nanny, we will call the Middle Classes.
And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense.’
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him and finds that the baby has severely soiled his nappy.
So the little boy goes to his parent’s room and finds his mother asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, ‘Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. ‘
The father says, ‘Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.’
The little boy replies, ‘The Prime Minister is screwing the Middle Classes while the Government is sound asleep.
The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.’
That’s not a limerick!
Well spotted barefoot.
Just farted and realised he’s followed through.
There was a PM called Brown
Who left Scotland for London town
He was both useless & fat
But became Labour’s top cat
He’s soon off to Fife to start a new life still wearing that famous frown
Brown stood on the burning deck
His arsehole to the mast
He would not move from there
Until Peter of Foy had passed.
Now Peter of Foy, the crafty lord,
Threw Old Gordon a plum.
As Gordon bent down to pick it up,
Pete rammed him up the bum.
MP’s are an unruly rabble,
Through the speeches they spout constant babble,
“Triple word” could be heard,
From behind the Jock turd,
As they’re play with each other (at Scrabble).
As they play.. obviously.
Help, help, I’m being moderated!! Jealousy, I tell you!
that’s life blondini, that’s life motherfucker.
have you tried being more interesting?
give it a try, eh?
good cripple.
you may go.
The party is starting to slip
I need to get more of a grip
It’s hard to have style
Or to force a nice smile
When your piles are giving you gyp
TAT – thick as tosser.
I am top boy.
you are just a silly slag.
shut up you silly gobby slag and start dancing you fat fuck, dance for top boy bitch.
good bitch.
+++BREAKINGNEWS+++
++ALAN JOHNSON THE FILTHY FUCKING SCUMBAG SELLS OUT HIS COUNTRY AND SUCKS AMERICAN ADMINISTRATION’S COCK++LICKS IT REAL GOOD EVEN THE UNDERSIDE++SENDS MENTALLY ILL PERSON TO SERVE 60 YEARS IN AMERICAN PRISON FOR NON-VIOLENT NON DAMAGING CRIME OF HACKING++WHAT A FUCKING C’UNT++TOP BOY SAYS “YOU ARE A C’UNT JOHNSON YOU ARE ON THE LIST YOU WANKER! THE GREAT THICK AS THIEVES WILL HUNT YOU DOWN LIKE A DOG MOTHERFUCKER! FUCK YOU JOHNSON YOU FUCKING WHORE YOU ARE BROWN’S BITCH YOU C’UNT!”++
tat, I’m going to add to your comments, as I did above (466)
ALAN JOHNSON YOU FUCKING SCUMBAG C.UNT, MCKINNON HAS NEVER LEFT THIS COUNTRY WHY THE FUCK SHOULD HE BE SENT 4000 MILES AWAY TO BE IMPRISONED FOR LIFE JUST BECAUSE YOUR GOVERNMENT WANT TO SUCK AMERICAN COCK???
Steve (IT guy, seriously fucked off by this offence on liberty)
The result of another secret deal (not reciprocal) by Tony Blair, no wonder the yanks pinned a medal on his chest, I posted before that this now means any U.K. citizen can be extradited to face a potential 60 year jail term on the say so of any American regional court judge. Johnson is an another Traitor, complicit in selling the freedoms of our subjects to a foreign power for political gain.
Had McKinnon been a US citizen and hacked into a UK MoD computer system, his extradition to face charges in the UK would simply not happen.
The US should be giving him a medal for exposing the weaknesses in their systems, weaknesses caused by their arrogant belief that they were above making a mess of their own security arrangements. But then a country that would put an idiot like George F Bush in the White House not once, but twice, yes twice, doesn’t deserve to extradite anyone from anywhere. As for Alan Johnson, what’s he after when he gets the boot next May? A congressional medal and top job with Honeywell?
As a father of an adult son suffering with Aspergers I can say from my many years of having to deal with the situation that Alan Johnson has just passed a death sentence on McKinnon – a person of McKinnon’s fragile mental health will NOT survive the extradition or legal process let alone imprisonment in the USA or anywhere else. But it seems there is no compassion from the British Government for one of its vulnerable citizens and we have yet more weasle words from the “hack politician” rather than doing what he should know is the right action whatever the legal advice is(which is split anyway).What are the Americans going to do ? Stop extraditing their citizens to the UK ? They don’t anyway.This is another peece of one-sided legislation passed by Blair in his rush to cosy up to Bush and the USA.It is bad law and I hope that once we throw this bunch out next year that the new government will amned it asap. It won’t help McKinnon but hopefully it will stop such gross miscarraiages of natural justice ever happening again in this country
The twatface Alan Johnson yet again went against independent legal advice which said he could have used his discretion in this case.
Are Labour totally incapable of putting a decent person in the home office position?
Johnson Like all the Labour Scum Kiss American arse !
They Will realise It’s not such a good idea
When Blair Stands Trial at the Hague !
What do you expect when you put a fucking postman in charge of legal decisions?
No offence to postmen, but lets face it, how much intelligence, skill or even consciousness do you need to put an envelope through a fucking hole?
It’s a skill most of us masterered by the age of 2.
… but not spelling obviously. That comes later
http://fxbites.blogspot.com/2009/11/uk-first.html
Alan Johnson.
Because mediocrity is their excellence.
Civil Servants give advice – Minister make decisions – The Better Ministers sometimes realise that in some instances “the law is an ass”and unjust given the circumstances and use their powers to override the law. The mistake of course was ever assuming that Johnson was one of these.
Whilst many would agree with the sentiment. Your prose and tone is bordering on the threatening. Possibly even overstepping the mark.
Perhaps you should go and seek prod fessional help before you personally bring this blog area into disrepute.
Your opinions are valid. They are opinions. Threats of physical violence on a repeated basis, and the blatant anti female vitriol does your intellect no credit.
I suggest you put the cap back on the flagon.
Good night sir, and rest easy.
if you do not like it then fuck off.
you know where the door is.
goodbye.
no refund.
Only 4 lines, doesn’t rhyme, totally irrelevant to the picture. You’ve pwned yourself, sperm breath. You are the weakest fink, toodles.
top boy already owns you blondini. you are top boy’s bitch.
now get back in your fucking box.
you silly ungrateful slag.
…silly ungrateful slag
Wow! That’s powerful abuse.
Small penis , darlin ??
E x .
I thought I had already bashed your brains out troll.
so you have finally left the intensive care/brain reconstruction unit.
congratulations.
you just can’t get enough of your hero, the great thick as thieves, can you ewanme?
you are a bit like a crack addict really.
very sad.
ps. the size of my penis is ofcourse hero size.
Hey, TAT. It scans, it rhymes, it has 5 lines, it is relevant to the photograph.
Kiss my codpiece, tosser boy.
There was a PM called Brown,
who inherited Tony blairs crown,
what he wanted so much,
has started to crush,
his gurning face into the ground.
Whilst answering a question from Dave
Poor old Gordon had started to rave
His pills sent him dotty
Shouting: “Beam me up Scottie!”
As Keir Hardie just turned in his grave.
funny
Brown, in a bit of tether,
Tried to get rid of the pressure.
He sat back in his seat,
And lifted one cheek,
but shat all over the furniture.
I may be a son of the manse
But can’t Darling ever change his pants
He may be a Scot
But his hygene is not
What you’d expect from an MP north of Gdansk
(I’ve checked the latitude!)
There once was a man we call Gord
Economically speaking a fraud
When he lost the election
he cut off his erection
And now he’s a lady called Maude.
Ding dong dell,
Gordon’s not too well,
But Hatty put some Jeypine down,
So never mind the smell.
Guido,
You realise that a limerick competion is now a must do…….followed by a publication of the finest!?
A bad-tempered MP from Fife
Got the luckiest break of his life
When Blair wasn’t looking
He’d oft stick the boot in
Then he did for the c*nt with a knife
That’s a good one! – not many people paying attention to syllables.
I knew I shouldn’t have eaten those strong pickled onions, knowing I have to face Cameron who gives me indigestion every week at PMQ’s
Oh happy day,
When I wished Cameron away,
He just kept on moaning,
And I kept on groaning,
That is the way it will stay.
there was an old man from Foy
Who yearned for the love of a boy
Onboard a posh yacht
His trousers fell off
and he filled young Georgie with joy
Brown the great pathological liar
thought ‘Oh dear, my pants are on fire.
Perhaps if I piss
There’ll be a slight hiss
And the others will all blame McGuire.’
There goes the next Oxford Professor of Poetry.
There was a queer man called Gordon Brown.
He like to pretend he’s a sound man.
But expenses and Lisbon,
Drove him to extinction,
And nobody gave a fuck about the Brown clown!
Queer in the dictionary definition of ‘strange’, not the other meaning.
there wae a scotish monster named brown
who was shit scared of letting his guard down
in the commons he heard a bump
so frightend he let out a trump
its what happens if your not honest you clown
There once was an ugly faced Scot,
Who sat down on his favourite green leather spot,
When the Straw on his right licked his lips with delight,
He just crapped in his pants and his hand.
Put it away Peter.
Gordon Brown,Gordon Brown riding through the glen,
with ed balls, the millibands and that cu*t hillary benn,
they rob from the rich,give fuck all to the poor,
Gordon Brown,new labour,Gordon Brown.
The PM was revealed to be
In the pay of the old KGB
Oh, how we all laughed
When world biggest arse
Could only say ‘It wasnae me’
World’s
World’s biggest arse.
Fuck it.
The PM was revealed to be
In the pay of the old KGB
Oh, how we all laughed
When the world’s biggest arse
Could only say ‘It wasnae me’
Double fuck it.
Harman front bench blowjob shocker.
Whilst sat at the PM’s despatch box
All day did he dream of young boys cocks,
To size, mattered none,
Long as one’s up the bum,
Drop your pants, ram it in , slap my buttocks!
There was a hopeless PM called Brown,
With a fart that he strove to hold down,
Then a question that Dave,
On extremism gave,
Sent that horrible smell right round town.
I think my nappy is leaking!
I’m on my way!
the son of a manse came to town
to eat bogies and act like a clown
a fart he squeezed through
but out came a poo
it’s endogenous growth claimed brown..
The current PM is bent
and Often to Cape Cod was sent
closet exit he feared,
so he married a beard
he still has yet to repent.
you only get a look like that after a flick to the epididimis
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
The epididymis (pronounced /ɛpɨˈdɪdɨmɪs/, plural: epididymides /ɛpɨˌdɪdɨˈmiːdiːz/) is part of the male reproductive system and is present in all male amniotes. It is a narrow, tightly-coiled tube connecting the efferent ducts from the rear of each testicle to its vas deferens. A similar, but probably non-homologous, structure is found in cartilaginous fishes.
oooh, my brown sauce love egg has ruptured in my anal passage
That look, I’ve a notion,
inspired the wrong kind of Motion.
‘Best placed’ on the bottom of the ocean,
thus ending master baiters devotion.
254 something like this might improve the scansion:
That look, I’ve an indecent notion,
Was inspired by the wrong kind of Motion,
‘Best-placed’ on the floor-
I’m sure nobody saw -
My brown hand, amidst all that commotion.
There was a Prime Mentalist named Brown
The first Gay of the Manse from old Kirkcaldy town
His communist mentor was Jack Jones who died in 09
His treachery was a continued and major crime
Though was nothing, when compared to Brown
…it’s a Sonnet, kind of, or a Haiku, or a Rondel, innit!
There once was an east-Scottish Bender
Who fancied himself a contender
Once Tony had blown
His attempt at the throne
His sphincter was fed to a blender
That smarmy, sarky Torie scom
I’ll show ‘im the depths of a Scotsman’s bom
If ‘e thinks ‘e is the heir to Blair, then ‘e can ‘ave mandy
Stark bollock bare, his shaft to the hilt, to is dyed pubic ‘air!
With the UK’s economy shot
And the country being driven to pot
Brown sought refuge instead
In his own fucked up head
And his endless supply of fresh snot
There was a PM called Brown
Who saw his mate Mandy go down
He saw Peter squat
And swallow the lot
Giving Gordon an enormous frown
The image will haunt me.
The stuff of nightmares.
Gordon Brown and Tony Blair
They kill our troops but they don’t care
Fuckin losers fuckin pests
Demanding choppers and armoured vests
Enjoy your Christmas with one seat bare while Huhnes like them don’t fuckin care
Pair of traitorous bastards
There was a clown called brown
Who always had a frown
He trashed the country
Crashed the economy
If only he would drown.
Which I hope he does politically, at the next GE
Pure Ogden Nash, dear soul! Well, with a touch of E.C. Bentley!
Poor old Gordon said, “It’s so unfair!”
PMQ’s is a tough cross to bear,
But I’ll teach ‘em a lesson,
My Inman Expression,
WIll give bloody Cam’ron a scare!
There was an old wifey called Broon,
Who came from a Fifean toon,
When his Sarah said “No! I won’t suck your toe”,
He just groaned and fell in to a gloom.
A question on Hizb-ut-Tahrir
Had damaged Dave Cameron’s career
Gord looked as surprised
As a man circumcised
With a shard of a bottle of beer
Well done, sir.
Good to see a Knight of the Realm benefitted from all those lessons on Poetry in the Upper Third and Lower Sixth! All this ‘vers libre’ stuff just lets people think they can get away with arrhythmic, half-rhymed tosh.
Bring back classes in:
x/xx/xx/
x/xx/xx/
x/xx/
x/xx/
x/xx/xx/ !
tit.
The trouble with listening to Brown
Is he says things are up when they’re down.
The election next year
Will make it quite clear
Cameron is now wearing the crown.
The climate change myth has been rumbled,
the scientists made to feel humble,
Gordons dreams of new cash,
from climate change tax,
are now beggining to crumble.
Gordon Brown went a bit orange
erm……erm………erm………..erm?
271 just a ‘tidy up’:
The climate change myth has been rumbled,
Climate-scientists all have been humbled;
Gordon’s dreams of new cash
Have all now turned to ash:
He has mumbled, and fumbled, and stumbled.
There was a Scot’s fairy called Broon,
Who wanted to live on the moon,
When his Mandy said no – I’ll be alone if you go,
He just winced and said “fuck off you loon!”
I just can’t get that bloody bogie out.
273
I just can’t get that long bogie out:
My finger’s too short, and too stout.
My nails are so bitten
It’s like wearing a mitten!
So, I’ll blow. Wow! an air-borne green Sprout
JEDWARD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
There once was a PM called Brown
Who thought every time I sit down
That fast Cameroon
Make me look like a loon
Can’t wait to get out of town.
Gordon, you are my hero
A leader with charm just like Nero,
So virile and strong,
You must wear a thong,
But down there the growth is still zero.
I often try to suck my cock (hence the mouth-gape)
so they substituted a lolly pop
the damn thing melted into my lap
I was still feeling peckish so I ate a Bap
Forgetting that I ‘magic’ them into Currant Buns
To avoid further trouble and strife,
blair sought his friend gordon a wife
for before marriage when randy
mandy found them both handy
and took pictures to secure him for life!
He spotted an MP on the Opposition benches picking his nose but not eating it…
http://www.wattsupwiththat.com
http://www.camirror.wordpress.com (climateaudit mirror site)
For up to the minute climategate info
One eyed scots git managed only a grunt
as he spoke from the benches in front
promising this and that
slack jawed twat
he knows we think he’s a c’nt!
There once was a dour old Scot,
Who sadly had quite lost the plot.
He used to amuse
At Blair’s PMQs
By gurning and eating his snot.
The man with the slightly mad frown
Is Gordon, Prime Mentalist Brown.
He wants to be brave
But can’t cope with Dave
Who knows that in debt we will drown.
absolute winner!!
Two more…..
As polls reach a new record low,
Will Mandy become his new foe?
Or will it be Ed
Who shafts him instead?
Oh Gordon, you so need to go!
When Mandy came back as a Lord,
Brown thought that some hope was restored.
But “great clunking fist”
Will soon be dismissed,
And hope for the future restored.
Last two……..
Does Brown have a pain is his guts?
Or is it a sign that he’s nuts?
Did he stop boom and bust,
Save the world, make it just?
And prudently save us from cuts.
The pain is now too hard to hide,
Brown misses his Mister McBride!
There’s no one to spin,
Or say when to grin,
Or tell lies and spread them with pride.
Missed out the question mark after “cuts” above….
There was an old man from Fife
Who fecked everything up for a laugh
When the people cried ‘Why?’
Our destructor would say
‘ ‘Cause I’ve small Cock and Balls and no life!’
There was a young Scotsman called Gordon
Who was tired of dealing with morons
When he showed he disapproved, they called him a fool
And now he can’t wait to clobber them
Having again picked my nose should I eat it?
Perhaps I’d better first heat it.
As I can’t bear cold snot
I know that more often than not
I should pick it, then heat it, then eat it.
Dave says: Let’s not have a tiff
As you hang by your nails from this cliff
Please show some decorum
Whilst you still have a quorum
Or go now – and I’ll give you a spliff.
An unelected pm of the Scottish school
Dreamt only of stealing English rule
Imagine his wonderment
On finding the hand up his fundament
Was that of the ex MP for Hartlepool
In America is where it all started…,
Who in the fuck has just farted?
It wasnae me, I don’t think,
Who let out that stink,
It’s that toff who’s hair’s centre parted!
OT, but true:
Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.
‘Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend; inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.’
‘I never forget a face. But, in your case, I’m prepared to make an exception.’
… and all that wonderful ‘the party of the foist part….’ stuff: what escape! What medicine for the heart and (almost) soul!
We have a shit PM called Mcdoom
He looks like he’s been fucked by a broom
Before being inseted by mandy
He said im not feeling randy
Mandy smiled ,and kneeled and then pumped his arse til he squealed
In The Sun I’m habitually panned
And at Questions I’m thoroughly tanned
I’m so shy that I’m shite
Whilst Dave’s high as a kite
So I think I’ll just talk to my hand
When I dined once with James Gordon B
He asked “Do you fart when you pee?”
I replied “Not a bit!
Do you belch when you sh*t?”
And I thought that was one up to me.
Sir W.W.! Where were you when ‘I’m sorry, I haven’t a Clue’ needed you?
Not just brilliant – brilliantissimo!
When finally Brown asked them ‘Why,
When I talk you all look at the sky’
It was Harman who said
‘They all wish you were dead,
So please, could you fuck off and die’.
Best one yet, IMHO!
Pretty good, and prize for writing overall the most of the highest quality.
I’ve seen The Beast of Bodmin
I’ve met the Jabberwock
I’ve seen things to make your blood freeze
But nowt to match this Scot
(He got his mouth-gape trying to self-suck and he ‘magics’ Baps into Currant Buns)
A dour old Marxist, McBruin
Suffused the HOC with stale urine
When asked by offended
Why no resignation was tendered
Said ‘this pish was nae o’ mae doin!’
Is he trying to get me in a trap?
I really mustn’t get in a flap
What will he say next?
Why can’t I read my text?
Christ this bogey tastes like crap
there was an irritable git called brown
a big ugly scottish one eyed clown
once again he chucked his phone
empty handed and alone
so he sat grimaced and gave a frown
Always I thought I’d come before Nigella
I come all over Nigella
320 What do you expect, given Nigella’s lack of rhythm? (She’d never make a good Catholic, would she…?)
There was a feckless bastard named Brown
A peg or two he needed bringing down
When an upstart named Clegg
Yelled, ‘Brown stinks of smeg’
So he sniffed his fingers and frowned.
Yuk ear wax tastes so bad!
There was a rubbish PM called Brown
Whose every word and action made us frown
At his staff he threw Nokias
And some, say, photocopiers
And that’s partly why we’ll vote him down
or
The PM winced as Balls shouted out
“I know what Cameron’s on about.
They’ve discovered the cash
we gave to troublemaking trash”
The Brown punched Balls in the mouth.
A nod is as good as a wink to a blind man
My jogging has made me feel leaner
But despite showing the House that I’m meaner
My credibility’s shot -
Though I paid back the lot -
Why the fuck did I share my bro’s cleaner?
Not a limerick…
The Charge of the Very Light Brigade.
Onward into the valley of death rode the 646
stormed at with shot and shell, boldly they rode and well
Into the valley of death rode the 646,
Was their a man dismayed?, not though the soldier knew some one had blundered, theirs not to make reply, theirs not to reason why, theirs but to do and die,
Into the valley of death rode the 646,
then they rode back, back from the mouth of hell, all that was left of them, left of 646.
Noble 646 (ah, hem).
Surely it would be
Into the valley of debt rode the gallant 600 (billion)
Half a league half a league,
Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Debt
Rode the six hundred:
‘Forward, the Shite Brigade!
Charge for the IMF’ he said:
Into the valley of Debt
Rode the six hundred.
‘Forward, the Shite Brigade!’
Was there a man dismay’d ?
Not tho’ the MPs knew
Some one had squander’d:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to vote & die,
Into the valley of Debt
Rode the six hundred.
Bills to right of them,
Bills to left of them,
Bills in front of them
Borrow’d & squander’d;
While Northern Rock fell,
Boldly they spent and well,
Into the jaws of Debt,
Into the mouth of Hell
Rode the six hundred.
Squnder’d the coffers bare,
Nor did they stop for air
Sold all the gold there,
Squander’d a fortune while
All the world wonder’d:
Plunged in the battery-smoke
Spent till we all were broke;
Cossack & Russian
Laughed till they had a stroke,
Borrow’d and squander’d,
Then they rode back, but not
Not the six hundred. (Fuck no – not a fucking penny)
Debt to the right of them,
Debt to the left of them,
Debt all behind them
Borrow’d and squander’d;
Storm’d at with shot and shell,
While HBOS and RBS fell,
They that had spent so much
Came thro’ the jaws of Debt,
Still in the mouth of Hell,
All that was left of them,
Left of six hundred.
When can their glory fade?
O the wild charge they made!
All the world wonder’d.
All the QE they made!
Remember the Shite Brigade,
Noble six hundred! (Billion)
Sir, as an Honorary Stannary Warden, and Coinage-Master of This Duchy, it gives me great pleasure (no jokes, now: that’s my job!) to award you this Honour: the Silver Ear! Even the Cornish Bards don’t get nothin’ like this! We would have awarded you the Gold Ear, but all the gold’s gone: some daft b****r up the line sold it. I c’n see you thinkin’ ‘This is Cornwall: why not a Tin Ear?’ Well, two reasons: one, to ‘ave a ‘tin-ear’ can be taken by some to mean you’re no bleddy good; two, you can’t get Tin down ‘ere now – not that there iddn’t any, jest that, ‘parently, it’s cheaper to buy it in from abroad, leave ours all in the ground, and make us all unemployed. Yes! I worked in a mine once – and it wasn’t no treacle-mine.
Used t’ave our own Infantry down here, you know: Duke of Cornwall’s Light Infantry – some people even now know ’bout ‘DCLI-pace’: 140 to the minute! Can’t do that now, ‘course – got to ‘ave y’r pulse felt every ten minutes, ‘n’ Common Market regulations say you’ve got t’ave meal-breaks, and rest-breaks, and wind-breaks, and piss-takes…
They’d ‘ve ‘ad a Risk-Assessment: ‘No, on balance, we advise against charging the enemy. Now, would you please sign here?’
‘Wass’ that?
‘Insurance. Protection.’
‘So, by signing that, I insure my life and get Protection?’
‘No: I get protection…’
Splendid satire/pastiche, sir: hat’s off!
I’ll make the ammunition, you fire the bullets. Well aimed Sir.
And now the end is near
And so I face the final curtain
My friend I’ll say it clear
I’ll state my case of which I’m certain
I’ve lived a life that’s full
I traveled each and every highway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way
Regrets I’ve had a few
But then again too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course
Each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way
Yes there were times I’m sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out, I faced it all
And I stood tall and did it my way
I’ve loved, I’ve laughed and cried
I’ve had my fill, my share of losing
And now as tears subside
I find it all so amusing
To think I did all that
And may I say not in a shy way
Oh no, oh no, not me
I did it my way
For what is a man what has he got
If not himself then he has not
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows
And did it my way
Careful there NRG someone may nail you for copyright!
What a piece of solipstic rubbish it is, ‘I did it (hic) My way’; and what a shady, nasty piece of work Sinatra was.
How aptly NRG picks it as a commentary upon “because it’s the right thing to do…” “…I’m just getting on with the job…” the Napoleon-complex/Egomaniac/Monomaniac J.G.Brown.
Ugh!!
He evidently had an absolutely massive dick,according to legend,so the story goes,I heard from someone,as the crow flies.
When Cameron mentioned the school in Slough
Brown turned to Balls with a bow
You’ve shamed me, he said
And now I’ll bash your head
Before my tablet makes me kow-tow.
gordon brown is a russian spy
gordon brown is a russian spy
gordon brown is a russian spy
gordon brown is a russian spy
gordon brown is a russian spy
Tell him to slow down
Labour has lost the Sun
But this line his advisers spun
we don’t need them to win
We have Gordon’s grin
But really they fooled no one.
There was once a son of a Manse,
Whose policies were utter pants,
Once Tony’s bitch, now all alone,
He gets worse with every hour,
That’s Brown summed up – disastrous and dour.
That’s my other Micheal Portillo impersonation, Woof Woof Woof
The mentalist thought Darling most lax
Leaving room in the exchequer sacks
So he wrote in The Times
“It is right that rhymes
And limericks be subject to tax.”
I’m the Scot with a taste for snot,
And even I can’t stomach my bullshit,
Tony went and The Sun’s gone in,
Even Prudence did a runner,
I’m so completely screwed, once spring turns to summer.
Don’t ring us, we’ll ring you.
Who cares if I’ve abandoned the forces
So what if I’ve sold the gold,
We’re gonna rig the elections,
‘Cos I am the blind Scotsman,
And it was me who saved the world
A Labour backbencher did tut
At the services Tories would cut,
And the PM agreed,
But his bowels became freed,
And he whiffed what then oozed from his butt.
Shit, my veneers have just come off,
I’ll lose the lot if I so much as cough.
Those Eton boys make me grind my teeth;
If only all I faced was Alan Beith,
Or someone just as harmless – likw Frank Bough.
There once was a man called Brown
Who quite fancied the crown
he’s turn came around
he fell flat on the ground
and everyone thought he was a clown
Boom Boom
Boom Boom
Boom Boom Boom
BOOM BOOM
BOOM BOOM
boom boom
BUST.
Genius.
50% percent of your money I’ll have, For my folly, state benefits and MP’s expenses
And by the time I’m all finished from saving the World, Dave will sit here with Hague by his side
And I’ll be in Fife, sitting dour by the fire, burning with rage from inside.
I once wrote this woman a letter
Got her name wrong which seemed to upset her
She went to the Sun
Who proclaimed what I’d done
Now my writing am getting lot better
‘CLAP’ -And… (best Dame Edna voice) I mean that in the nicest way!
Note to self: don’t clean ear before biting nail…
Humpty Dumpty Sat on the left Benches
Humpty Dumpty got jiggy with some loose wenches
All the MPS expenses and all of the fiddles
Couldn’t solve Labours riddles.
There was an MP from Fife
Who interfered in everyones’ life
When asked “God! Why?”
He replied with a lie
And that tractor production was rife
There once was a hoon Gordon Broon
Looked like he’d been fucked with a broom
Then Cam’ron got to him
And Mandy, he blew him
Hurry up and resign you fat loon!
Our Labour PM’s main fixation,
Was to increase the take from taxation,
But we cannot forget,
That his mountain of debt,
Has led to our great consternation
‘I’m the best Prime Minister we’ve got’,
Said a fat perve to his fellow-Scot.
The Chancellor smiled
And surreptitiously dialled
Men in white coats to remove the twot.
Ed Balls is a bit of a tease,
And showed Gord his prick for a wheeze,
But Brown’s simmering lust
Turned to bitter disgust
When he saw it was covered in cheese.
I shouldn’t laugh, but that’s stupidly funny!
It’s Sunspots that Make Gordon Mad
It’s not CO2,that’s a fad
Henrik Svensmark has proved it’s by Cosmic Rays,clouds are moved
Now go to http://www.wattsupwiththat.com or http://www.camirror.wordpress.com
To read the truth COMING OUT NOW about the biggest swindle in the history of the World.
(He got his mouth-gape trying to self-suck,didn’t ya know)?
Gordon was a hopeless clown
So he called for Sarah Brown
Please do PMQ
And I promise you
tonight I really will go down.
There was a old fellow named Brown,
Whose friends thought him rather a clown,
They laughed ’till they pissed,
didn’t try to resist,
And the shock caused the poor man to frown
A sad lonely yesterday’s man
Spent most of his time in the can
Till sat at the front
He cried “Bring me the c’unt
Who put cocktail sticks in the All-Bran!”
For PM, next time, I’m a must
My people – in me you should trust
You need someone serious
Me deranged? Me delirious?
I promise: no more boom and bust.
there was a man named brown
who sought to bring the uk down
he thought that he was heaven sent
but we all knew that he was bent-
what a hopeless, bitter, clown!
…probably scans better in the original Russian.
Oh, my darlink Pushkin whose
Eyes are like
The Black Sea.
My Balaclava, my soft Helmet, is
Crisp with the frozen pearls of my breath.
The Wild Geese fly: South -?
Or is it North?
Who cares?
They certainly do not give a f***
Tired and emotional,fat and disliked
always a Scooter and never the Town Bike
Shunned by his Mother and almost by sight
He toils to destroy us by day and by night
Let’s pump the World’s CO2 up the Basket’s tail-pipe!
You don’t have to scream or to shout,
I’m just squeezing a great big fart out,
I know I look funny
It’s just come out all runny
And it smells really bad I’ve no doubt.
Now THAT’S what I call a Limerick!
Bravo, mon brave!
There was a PM called Brown,
For gurning he was renown,
He once pulled such a face,
That he swallowed the mace,
And it still hurts when he sits down.
Terrific!
Broon Gordon wisnae feeling sae smart,
Dave’s questions had cut tae the heart,
Tae add tae his gloom,
Just as he sat doon,
Oot popped a lumpy wee fart.
PMQs was the scene of great drama:
Brown was shown a snapshot of Nick Palmer.
And no one could assuage
Gordon’s foul, jealous rage –
Nick was sucking the cock of Obama.
Just had a call from my local labour party office asking who would i vote forin GE. had great pleasure in telling the snotty nosed kid to FUCK OFF.
Here’s a funny old man of the manse
Who’s sure it’s the fault of the yanks
But next year he’ll learn
(He’s rehearsing the squirm)
From the voters: “Feck off, no thanks!
Yon Sarah, she is my muse
Buys my pants and irons my trews
Yet Mandy’s so butch
A cock like a crutch
So I dither and never can choose.
At PMQ’s Brown would suffer,
Through questions on this and the other,
His butt it would ache,
Coz on Tuesdays he he’d take,
A couple of friends up the chuffer.
Alone in the office “the bastards” he hissed,
Another scotch downed, he was finally pissed.
“Where did it go wrong?” his mind in a whirl,
“Losing to Cameron, that big Eton girl…”
And history will say, “useless PM that will not be missed”.
I’m Gordon the gurning PM
I’ll cend you a leter (ahem..)
Thow I cannae spel
Or rite two well
I’ll make up the fakts yet agaim
There once was a Scott who was fat,
A hoon at whom everyone spat,
He promised milk and honey
But just took all our money,
He was simply a massive one eyed twat.
A Scotsman asleep on the bench
Awoke to a terrible stench.
He’d dreamed of the fright
He’ll be dealt by the Right
And forgotten to keep his arse clenched.
Dave asked ; ‘about the doctors and nurses,
I hear you’re going to cut wages and services’
old Gordo said ‘b b but
they’re not going to be cut
in fact they’ll get a zero percent increase’
Gordon’s advisers had a fresh colour chart
Try a new pink look to set him apart
“I don’t care what you say
I’m really not gay
I just prefer Milhouse to Bart”
The PM believed he was courageous of heart
That seeing off Blair revealed a fresh new start
But whenever in the commons
And after listening to the wrong ‘uns
He always replied with a fart.
Big Gordy was always a tart
Tony and Mandy being only the start
He then buggered wee Ben
Then did it again
‘Til venting a sastisfying fart.
In days of yore the Mandelson bore
Wanted to be the Home Secretary
Then Gordo, his chum
He screwed up, the bum
But still piles on the pressure relentlessly.
There was a young man fae Kirkcaldy
Who became a Russian spy, allegedly
Whenst needing a shit
He admitted to it
And only thought after of Solidarity.
Ma face is screwed up ‘cos am wrong
The Fat Lady’s singing her song
Six months is too late
Not to be a reprobate
Or the worst PM ere long.
And now the end is near and so I face my final junction
Tony and Mandy I held so dear and they were both a good conjunction
I did my time as promised
I licked each and every a**ehole
And now, just now I see I did it their way… My final function.
I wanna boogy
You wanna boogy?
I eat mine
Does less each time
O FFS I eat BOOGIES!
When I look at my thumb
I remember each bum
Which has had the pleasure of feeling it
But when I look again I remember when
I sniffed and thought of eati…
Enough.
As I recently boasted ‘I can do this all night’.
Just write to me and I will reveal my true identity and claim the book.
Never Knowingly Anonymous.
Brown’s straining to push out a poo,
Too busy to go to the loo.
In matters olfactory
He’s unsatisfactory,
But says “it’s the right thing to do.”
***APPLAUSE***
Yeah. Winner
Definitely ‘hats off, Gentlemen’. But don’t suggest ‘Trousers off.’
A dour Scottish arse-hole dictator
On a mission to out-dour his old pater
Was taken aback
By an anal attack
By man hating Harman’s vibrator
meanwhile in la-la land those that steal get rises!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1231218/Peers-3-000-pay-rise-new-plan-help-restore-public-confidence-expenses-scandal.html
“I just wish that Julie Kirkbride would join the Labour Party”
The proposition is based on the notion that McTway thinks.
Well I have news. He doesn’t think. Mandlebottom does it for him.
There was a dour scotsman called brown,
whose faces was always a frown,
except when like this
Cos he’d just had a kiss
From a girl not a bloke in a gown
A Member of Parliament’s life
Is loaded with trouble and strife
Poor Margaret Beckett
No longer could tek’it -
Collapsed – “Quick – Gord – kiss of life!”
393 Absoluement au point, Monsieur!
And what could be more ghastly, giving Meg Bucket the kiss of life, or being given the kiss of life by Gordon Bennett? (‘No, ta very much: I just think I’ll die … and get those effing photographers out of it, will ya? Gordon Bennett!’)
He looks like Susan Boyle….
Look on my works ye mighty and despair
I finally got rid of that idiot Blair
Then knackered the country
It’ll take years for the economy
To get back to the state when I first got there
This is why taxes have to increase:
Mapping out the strain on your NHS: 243 sick babies treated in one London hospital ward…. and just 18 mothers come from Britain
By Sue Reid
26th November 2009
Comments (239)
Countless red dots scattered across the world map on the wall of a NHS hospital reveal the story of the changing face of Britain.
Each dot denotes the background of a mother with a baby in the neonatal ward of London’s Chelsea and Westminster hospital. The map was put up by hospital administrators to ‘celebrate the ethnic diversity’ of the sick children treated there, each at a cost of £1,400 a day.
It shows dramatically how the NHS now treats patients from every corner of the globe.
The 243 mothers are from 72 different nations. They include Mongolia, the remotest regions of Russia, Japan, Africa, South America, swathes of Asia, Australasia and even Papua New Guinea.
Only 18 mothers said they were from Britain.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1231150/Mapping-strain-NHS-243-sick-babies-treated-London-hospital-ward—just-18-mothers-born-UK.html#ixzz0XzebLPLR
Start charging.
End of problem.
Daily Mail readers should at least be relieved to know that this should cause house prices to increase.
obviously you must read more intelligent papers
Yes stop reading overpriced garbage like the Guardian and move onto the more intellectually beefy stuff.
yeh like fabian solutions
I couldnt believe this either when I read it.
£1400 per day cost to provide free worldwide maternity care. But ofcourse you are paying. The trouble is ofcourse we are bankrupt but we can still provide free worldwide maternity care.
Do you need any more reasons as to why there is such a rise in support for far right parties.
The pressure cooker lid will blow very soon. We cant take any more of this shit!
such an outrageous racist story. how dare they print this.
typical mail readers
Before screaming racist you might want to ask yourself how many of these people have actually contributed to the NHS.
we should be proud that we can help out people less fortunate than ourselves
Fuck em! Fed up with paying for everyone else and getting pushed to the back of the queue for my trouble
That’s what Charity is for. The Tax extorted from UK citizens should be spent solely for the benefit of UK citizens.
Gordon sat on the front bench with his party,
Thinking “Dave Cameron’s such a wee smarty,
“He looks great on the telly,
“When you can’t tell he’s smelly,
“But here at the box, he’s just farty.
Tat is a tit….and tit for Tat
MB is as thrush and an irritable bowel
Gordon is a Clown and Tony
the Bliar is just that, a liar
but for me Dave is the King of Shaves !!
Don’t ring us: we’ll ring you.
NEXT!
Uncle Guido,
I don’t quite know if you have already been sent an email, on the subject by other ITV lackeys, anyway heads up that Drapers old lady is on the chopping block from GMTV, after the christmas rebrand.
Apparently they want to get rid off ‘dumbed down’ GMTV. Fecking excellent but funnily enough its one of the main comfort zones of McJonah. OMG what’s he going to do now?
the general election was looming
in the bunker below brown was fuming
screaming how will I win
when my soul’s black as sin
and the voters don’t think I am human?
did I win it?
not with that, no.
said the labour troll.
fuck off back to labourbloggers4war you c’unt.
Wtf…..right wing lib ………Twat!!
I am a radical independent democrat.
and you have broken two rules you stupid fucking slag.
rule 1) do not backchat top boy motherfucker.
rule 2) you do not misrepresent top boy you dopey c’unt.
your name has been noted cripple.
make sure you behave yourself in future.
9 out of ten: Merit Mark.
I think you mean 0.9 out of 10
“Chilcott found that the Iraqi files
Prove the lies behind Tony Blair’s smiles
Broon found to his horror
That his support for the war
Plays havoc with his Duke of Argylls”
I’ve got a big fist and I’ll clunk it
I’ll have an election then flunk it
I can’t choose a biscuit or dunk it
I can smell dog shit “Ahh! Blunkett”
Look at the size of that fat arm behind Gordon, who the fuck owns that? should get down to weight watchers or pay obesity tax.
There was an empee from Glen Skinking.
Who scratched at his balls when ‘ere thinking.
The Speaker said, Mac!
If you don’t put ‘em back,
The whole front bench will be stinking!
Off Topic, but
R3 predicts High St “bloodbath”
http://www.accountancyage.com/accountancyage/news/2254033/predicts-street-bloodbath
More than 20 household names will disappear from the high street in a new year “bloodbath”, warns insolvency trade body R3.
But I thought we were pulling out of recession, Gordon and the BBC told me so
Watch out for that BBC stock phrase “Unexpected”…
A young boy once attended a church in Dublin
To confess to some sins he had been do-in
Farther I feel shame
I took the lords name in vain
So he bent him over for a good fuckin.
There was an empee from Glenslinking,
Who took out his balls when ‘ere thinking.
The Speaker said, Mac!
If you don’t put ‘em back.
The whole front bench will be stinking!.
The muppets do Queens ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’
[...] Brown Strains By Reg Blank Leave a Comment Categories: Uncategorized Tags: do-not-want Guido Fawkes limerick competition… [...]
Toilets on the Brillo Show tonight. Will he be dressed as Dracula again, or some other Count?
…don’t count on it…
There was a fat hoon from Kirkoddy.
Whose politics were ever so shoddy.
Cameron stepped on his toes,and it looks like he knows,that Balls is a liitle bit shady.
Balls mouths the word shameful,Gorgon looks painful.
But thats how politics goes.
Did a Socialist Scot with a frown
Single-handedly pull England down
Or was predestination
At work when the nation
Found Brown had been handed the crown?
good one.
A Solicitor-General named Rex
Was sadly deficient in sex
Arraigned for exposure
He said, with composure
“De minimis non curat lex”
I get it, Sir W2, unlike the rabble out here: I get it.
Not often, I admit, but I get it…
It’s all greek to me.
Prime Minister Brown was an arrogant Scot,
With a foul habit of gobbling snot,
Fiscal rules he would break,
Between rides on Mandels-snake
And sending the country to pot.
Gordon just didn’t know what to do
he was really for the loo
he wished himself luck
the curse of jonah struck
shit, bugger me, followed through
Here’s one I wrote earlier.
THE RIGHT THING TO DO
Nu Labour has a new phrase to persuade us of their views,
Whenever they are challenged they shout “it’s the right thing to do”.
Now just as speaking loudly won’t make a foreigner understand,
Saying it’s the right thing to do won’t prove you’re in command.
It’s the right thing to do, the right thing to do,
When in “the poo” shout it’s the right thing to do.
School days debating tells us that reasoned argument
Is a minimum requirement for those of political bent.
The topic may be difficult and the way be far from clear
But ending every sentence the same will not quell our fear.
It’s the right thing to do, the right thing to do,
When in “the poo” shout it’s the right thing to do.
So when you hear John Humphreys bait the minister of the day,
On a topic that’s quite tricky, remember what he’ll say,
After restating for the umpteenth time his tired old position,
He’ll try and wriggle out of the Spanish inquisition.
It’s the right thing to do, the right thing to do,
When in “the poo” shout it’s the right thing to do.
Mrs Smallprint
Not a limerick but with apologies to Westlife
I’m standing on the edge of time
I´ve Walked away when love was mine
Caught up in a world of uphill climbing
The tears are in my mind
And nothing is rhyming, oh Mandy
Well you came and you gave without taking
but I sent you away, oh Mandy
well you kissed me and stopped me from shaking
And I need you today, oh Mandy
As a General Election loomed
Poor Brown felt he was somewhat doomed
He sat on the Mace
Pulled a terrible face
And Wished he’d been better groomed
Mandelson keeps his youthful looks with a daily application of Oatens Number 2 Moisturiser
there once was a loser called brown
who used to bring everyone down
you see brown’s CIA
so he does what they say
and the country’s best interests can go drown
Mandelson keeps his youthful looks with a daily application of Oatens Number 2 Moisturiser
Asif on November 8, 2009
how can i spread message to stop using plastic bag because of global warming?
chloe on November 9, 2009
you could make sure your friends and family dont use as much as they userly do then hopefully it would spread out to all there friends and family and do the best they can to make sure we do not use as much bottles as they do so wehave a better world and place for our children to grow up in ….
help stop globel warming in this country ..save our children!!!!
(sang morning has broken in church the other day)
Gordon is broken. like new labour
Cameron has spoken, of a bright day
no praise for Obarma
no praise for Bin Laden
But praise for Mandy
because he is gay
With a face like a burglers dog,
Brown wanders around in a fog.
Of self delusion and raging confusion,
What a waste of our time you sod!
Nice one I like this lol
451 Might I suggest:
With a face like a Burglar’s poor dog,
Brown wanders around in a fog
Of utter delusion
And raging confusion.
What a waste of our time, you sad sod!
Thank you jethro
There was an old boy from Kirkcaldy
Who fancied a bit of the baldy
But, when faced with the choice
The wee, small voice
Said “Aw, jings she’d better get me elected.”
My hand has been all of a shake
Since realising Sarah’s a fake
She makes murderous calls
I think to Ed Balls
Saying ‘quickly, before he’s awake’
There was a Prime Mentalist called Brown
who made the economy go down.
Government debt it soared,
He was such a fraud.
No wonder his face wore a frown.
There was a man brought up in Fife,
Whose religion procluded a wife,
Although but a fairy,
He met Sarah Mary,
And married his trouble and strife.
Should be PRE cluded.
Not Flash Just Gay
I’m a happily married monster.
Near-blindness (he claimed) caused poor writing
To the mum of a Guardsman, killed fighting.
Out in Afghanistan
It ‘aint going to plan
Call a Judge, ‘cos the hoon needs indicting.
scans better with the word’out’ out.
O/T but important.
Alan Johnson says Gary McKinnon should be thrown to the wolves:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/politics/6663920/Gary-McKinnon-set-to-be-sent-to-America-after-Alan-Johnson-says-he-cannot-block-extradition.html
That’s SO shocking! Johnson’s a liar, he could have blocked the extradition! Feeding him to the Americans is quite shocking!!! Once again the British legal system fails to protect it’s citizens! Johnson should be strung up!!!!
Labour doing the best for the special relationship
Shall be writing to that bastard Johnson to tell him what I think of him. What a bastard! Are there no depths to which newlabour can fall.
Remember how a convicted mass murderer was released on compassionate grounds, but this compassion is absent from an ex postman. Compassion for terrorists but no justice for Brits. Labour what the fuck have you done to this country.
Compassion for what they accept the Americans wish to call “terrorists”
This guy is a typical geek, has never left this country, but yet Johnson sees fit to ship him 4000 miles away to face the American version of “Justice”, on the say so of an official providing no evidence to a British court of his guilt.
Meanwhile if we wish to have Americans deported from there to here, we have to provide some serious evidence that they have done something seriously wrong.
Seriously fucked off with this, how would you feel if your own government sold you out to somewhere else..?
Fed up with being the Yanks bitch, who f@@king needs them! You get the usual shite reponse from over the pond like how they saved us in WW2! 1. we were’nt invaded by Adolf 2. its taken us 60 years to pay off the bill etc why do we need them? Their banks fucked every one up selling sub prime mortages, they spent 40 years fund raising for the IRA, dragged us us into un winable war in I rack and Afganistan and they have pumped more CO2 into the sky than everyone else put together in the rest of the world !(and will continue to do so for another 100 years!)
The FBI/CIA should have used their common sense and bought some anti virus software from PC world for £49.99 then nobody would have broken into their bloody computer in the first place! as for new labour take a hint, please fuck off now your crap we don’t want you anymore!
Spineless, as the lawyer said, totally spineless!!!! Newlabour have ruined Britain. I’ll hate them for ever, and it’s no good Diane Abbott rolling her eyes up to the sky, she voted deportation last time.
Good,
No mercy for IT vandals.
Surprised by that comment – this is a guy who’d never left the UK, why should he be now extradited to the US to face 100 years in prison?
Cos he fucked up servers in Yankland.
He did the computer equivalent of walking through an open door and leaving a note on the table saying “Gary Woz ‘Ere”.
He didn’t cause any damage except to the big egos of the incompetents in charge of keeping the networks secure – so they want to throw the book at him to make up for their own embarrasing incompetence.
I used to think ‘poor Gary, blah blah blah’ until I dug deeper into what he’d actually done, stolen, and, more importantly, what ‘messages’ the f**ked up little scriptkiddie had left on the disks he’d hacked into. I have a strong feeling we don’t know the half of it, yet: what I know already puts him, for me, on about the same level as people who think it’s funny to crank-call families whose kid’s just died.
Go, Darwin!
You represent everything I despise in Newlabour. Traitor to the people of this country.
SE, you are absolutely right. Others including that merciless ACone are prepared to condemn a person when they don’t know the whole story. I suspect they represent – as well as newlabour, a sign of things to come with the tories. I sincerely hope not! When have the Americans ever been altruistic?
I intend to vote Conservative, given the chance…
Personally, I hope McInnon doesn’t go down (no pun intended), but he deserves his time in the dock for what he did – have a google round slashdot, the register et al. to find out what he actually did. Nice sense of timing, Gary.
Because the septics were embarrassed. The same fuckers who ‘elected’ George dubya MBA Bonesman-McFlightsuit TWICE!!!
Johnson brings shame upon us all. We should not forget that.
Actually after Climategate has come out into the open, it proves just how much we need hackers around in society
Absolutely agree. But to call McInnon a hacker is about as accurate as describing Brown an economist – out little *genie autiste* used a downloaded Perl script with a few mods to put the boot in to a traumatised, itchy-fingered nation that was still scraping the body-parts off the pavement. If he’d written it for himself in Python, I’d have a glimmer of technical respect for the malicious little freak.
Diddums……..poor America,…… I feel they need your protection!
Careful, Duckie, your red roots are showing.
Had McKinnon been a US citizen and hacked into a UK MoD computer system, his extradition to face charges in the UK would simply not happen.
The US should be giving him a medal for exposing the weaknesses in their systems, weaknesses caused by their arrogant belief that they were above making a mess of their own security arrangements. But then a country that would put an idiot like George F Bush in the White House not once, but twice, yes twice, doesn’t deserve the luxury of extraditing anyone from anywhere.
As for Johnson, if he had any bottle, he would simply ignore the so-called treaty, which only seems to work in favour of the USA, and refuse to extradite McKinnon. The US only wants him so that they have somebody to hang the blame on thereby saving the necks of the real warmongers in the Pentagon and the White House.
Too right calibre, he’ll be minced up in the US, grist to their political ends. Alan Johnson, believe me is a very spooky, very creepy man!
A bugger from north of the border
On the Mace sat down, didn’t oughter
He grimaced in pain
Picked his nose once again
Now it floats down the Thames with a porter
Whilst I know tis the right thing to do,
(As in go to the loo for a poo),
Having to look at that toff,
Has made me crimp one off,
Who’ll pay for the cleaning? Oh that’s you!
Jethro cuddn’ve done better!
You’re obviously a intelligent and educated Gentleman, or – as we say down ‘ere, ‘Yes, I’ll ‘ave a pint: watch out for moths, when you open your bliddy wallet!’
The one eyed son of the manse,
Made a huge mess in his pants,
When he opened his gob
Bollocks – too much wine.
The one eyed sone of the manse,
Made a huge mess in his pants,
When he opened his gob,
Said he was getting on with the job,
And sold all our energy to France
It all started in the US,
Placed for recovery we are the best,
The right thing to do,
Is have a big poo,
And now my pants are a reet mess
My best mate’s a man they call Peter,
His jism couldn’t taste any sweeter,
Said Gord with a grin,
Wiping cum from his chin,
Next one to blow off’s the speaker
There once was a Son of the Manse
Who thought he could leave it to chance
He blew one off
What he thought was a Boff
But ended up shitting his pants
Our man at the helm is a dog,
If he saw all our ryhmes on this blog,
His jaw would just drop,
He’d go into a strop,
And flounce off like a gay demigog.
Got the spelling wrong AGAIN! Should be rhyme.
Was once a Goblin named McDoom,
Who dreamt of nothin’ but sittin’ upon the throon,
He Took pills to get excited,
After all the prole’s he had smited,
Now there’s nothing left for him but the padded room.
Labour are the only party with the answers for the next five years
Some bastard in the bunker has filled my Hemmeriod oinment tube with Vick again. I bet was that arsehole Millipede
There was a manic depressive called Brown,
Despite prescriptions of MAOI still frowned,
He sold gold at the bottom,
Made our pensions all rotten,
And no rocking horse picture can be found
Bugger, Clarence Mitchells been outed as a MI6 spook.
Remind me why I sent him to look after the McCanns
as expexted humour from the toryboys was not forthcoming on the site that resembles the Daily Mail letters page after a Bullingdon blinder
still, some of us can laugh at all the starical posts that have slipped in yet again with no-one noticing
thankyou
Fuck off with your spelling mistakes cun’t
We expect a better class of grammar and proze here
…a better class of Prozac, too.
I call at Tony Blair’s for advice
But all I get is his god awful wife
She says ‘Tony’s not in
He’s down at the gym
So you can fuck off back home now to fife’
A blind Presbytarian bastard named Brown,
Lives in a squat in London town
He stole all our money and passed a lot of insipid laws
Then defaced our democracy with his grubby clunking paws
And now he wants to hand Catholics the Crown
Oops Guido’s Irish – perhaps I should rephrase that …
after lunching on beans that were tinned
Brown tried to expel excess wind
he raised up a cheek
but from his arse shit did leak
the front bench was considerably thinned
Gordon moribundly sat on the benches
He appeared to be losing his senses
“I’ve wrecked the economy
Have you all got it? Infamy!
(Can I put the National Debt on expenses?)”
No limerick – just a request,a dream, a wish.
Gordon Brown – please drop dead – you are ruining us all.
Good evening
These are the eight ideal qualities of a perfect man… Brave, Intelligent, Gentle, Polite, Energetic, Non-alcoholic, Industrious, and Self-organised.
In short B.I.G. P.E.N.I.S.
There’s a terrible smell in this Chamber
So I’ll just ask the Speaker a favour
When we next have a vote,
Can you grab by the scrote
That MP, who has farted, is Labour.
Brown was seated one day in the Commons
When he had an attack of the ‘cling-ons’
He wriggled and grimaced
As ever looking strait-laced,
Was his right ball lower than the left one ?
He was waiting to speak from the Despatch Box,
When his Y-fronts got tangled with his bowlocks,
With a wriggle and a squirm
He dislodged his little worm
Now his foreskin is in bad need of Botox
Gord was trying to think of an excuse
To explain why he’s no fucking use,
Cos there’s every reason
To try him for Treason
And charge him with substance abuse.
You said you’d reduce greenhouse gases
Then released your very own methane nasties,
Without looking back,
You just opened your crack
And blew away those eyebrows of Vaz’s
No-one thought it very funny
That Gordon’s follow-through was runny
They were too polite to mention
That they could n’t stand the stench ‘n’
just sat there and thought about their money.
Gord was sitting there, hoping for inspiration
Just how could he cure constipation ?
He glanced at Ed the Blinker
and suddenly his sphincter
Collapsed to everyone’s consternation.
I take you want to win?
I agreed with a war so unjust
I said it was a matter of trust
Trusting Blair would step down
He didn’t, the clown
But then I got in and you’re all bust!
My precious, my precious is a key
To the door, to the door, it’s for me
I got to Number 10
It should have been way back when
Now you’re all fecked coz of me!
I am a teacher and I do worry about the future of the children I teach and the children of those children- we teach them about climate change and the effects it will have and we try to encourage them to cut down their useage of electricity and to reuse and become less consuming. We tell them it is important for their future – and yes it is – why not try? Why do some say “well we cant reverse the effects so lets not bother?” What makes these people so thoughtless and greedy? It reminds me of the story we teach them of a school group who were taken on residential trip. For the first 4 days the children were greedy whenever they went for dinner they filled their plates and many threw food away as they could not eat it all. On day 5 there was less food available because the children had been so greedy- the children were warned that if they took too much some at the end of the line would not have enough- yet still these first few children were greedy, the last few had no food to eat because those greedy few at the begining of the line were so used to lots of food that they didnt want to reduce their intake and share. This to me is very much what is happeneing today. I don’t think the issue is ‘who has access to electricity’ for we humans can survive without- it is clean water and food that we need.
Worried, Bridgnorth, UK
……………………………..
What’s the emergency number for OFSTED?
Actually, on second thoughts, what’s the point?
They’ve probably been.
Merely survival of the fittest, the greedy children will have to eat the weak and each other after every has gone.
Gotta love mother nature lol.
There was a PM called Gordon
Who subjected us all to boredom
He promised an election
Gave us all an erection
Then bottled it and pulled a face like a Twat instead
There was a Prime Minister Gordon
Who subjected us to his boredom
He promised an election
Gave us all an erection
But we fucked him with his own hardon
Here I sit broken hearted
cuz Harriet smells like she just farted,
and they all taunt me like I’m crazy
but its the pills the pills just making me lazy.
in reality brown was just a dithering scots Ghillie
who had a denial complex because of his wee floppy willy
he looked like a pig
when he tried to act big
and ended up defeated by avoiding the truth and talking silly
re mckinnon.as the release of al megrahi enraged the yanks i wonder if the govt are trying to curry favour and therefore it’s a case of fuck you mckinnon we need to suck up to O’bama?
There was a PM called Gordon
In whose tenure MPs ‘got their fraud on’
It was at PMQs
With no more to lose
He followed through with no pants on
Here’s Mr.Magoo
Having a poo
And passing a motion
For his execution
It’s the right thing to do.
There was a Pm Called Brown
Who claimed for a cleaner who didnt exist for his brother.
Cudnt be arssed with Rhyme and meter folks
Come on hun , you are Son Of The Manse
Ignore wot’s happenin in your pants
Enemas is coool
Dave C is a tool
Spose I’ll go into one of my rants .
E x .
P.S. Didn’t see PMQs coz I woz on the job but I spect this is wot he woz thinkin x .
The successor to Anthony Blair
Had a feeling life just wasn’t fair
Cos Tone’s on a role
And he’s in a hole
Showing signs of much wear and tear.
Brown sensed a rectal Kerfuffle
So he tried hard to Muffle
A god awful tincture
emerged from his sphincter
and caused a front bench Reshuffle
Brown sensed a rectal Kerfuffle
when he tried hard to Muffle
A god awful tincture
emerged from his sphincter
and caused a front bench Reshuffle
There was the leader of labour m.p’s
who at the despach box wanted to sneeze,
he pulled a funny looking face
to hide his disgrace
as he new it would look bad on t.v
He’s thinking:
I wish I could find some excuse
To avoid weekly PMQs
I try to be charmin’
But sat next to Harman
Is enough to give anyone the blues.
Photo on top right – a young Gordon Brown?
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2747211/Memorial-lout-spared-jail.html
And yeah, the McKinnon extradition. Huhnes.
Johnson, once a postman always a postman. Home Secretary my god wake me up someone please it surely must be a bad dream.
Every idea that Broon had fell flat
But he could not see he was a twat
Thought he had a calling
But what should befall him?
Restrained in the bed next to tat.
Those Beva(i)ns Aneurin and Earnest
Got mixed up in a broadcast we learnest
So for Gordon’s last stand
He wrote notes on his hand
But his writing he could not discernest
QT – Marcus Bridgestoke now standing up against the Iraq war – even modern comedians now seem to get it…
Marcus Bridgestoke a Modern comedian? I dont get it.
Modern….must be a polite way of saying he ain’t funny.
It shouldn’t have made front-page news -
Gordon squeezing a fart in his trews
But a wee follow through
Sprayed his shreddies with poo
Those who gamble occasionally lose
The clunking fist
He won’t be missed
not the smell of his pants
nor nokia rants
him going will be like being kissed.
There once was a pm Gordon Broon
who couldn’t resist eating one to many a prune
he eased and squeezed
then accidentally sneezed
and shat all over the room!
Peers to get £3,000 ‘pay rise’ in new plan to help ‘restore public confidence’ after expenses scandal
Daily Mail
FFS!!! WHAT ?!?!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1231218/Peers-3-000-pay-rise-new-plan-help-restore-public-confidence-expenses-scandal.html
There once was a Jonah who wailed
Whatever I’ve done has just failed
When guts were demanded
I came out snot handed
I tried to be brave but I quailed
Snot-gobbling twat from the highlands
Stole the control of an island
It all got too hard
So Gord turned to lard
Now he flicks himself off to the bible.
och..I thank ee’ve followed thru
shit poo, shit poo, shit poo,
shit poo, shit poo, shit poo,
fart fart, fart shit,
fart shit, shit fart,
shit poo, shit poo, Gordon Brown
Accumulated humour of labyboyz = Sion Simon.
doesn’t rhyme
better luck next time
There once was an idiot from Fife,
Who devoted his talentless life
To stabbing in air
(For he always missed Blair)
Before dying himself by the knife.
The knife it was wielded by Peter,
Mandelsonian champ of the metre,
Whose whispers and rustles
Were learnt deep in Brussels
And in Russian yacht’s wines by the litre.
But at last he is going away
By the dint of electorate sway.
Many ants in the pants
Of the son of the Manse
Will make it obvious that the people of Britain realise only too clearly that his alleged moral compass has gone far astray.
(Last line with apologies to that wonderful Scottish poet William MacGonigall).
The polls gave no f**king chance
To that gurning twat son of the manse
The amount of dismay
He’s expecting next May
Has caused him to shit in his pants
There was a young toff from eton
Who sacked me to stop me from speaking
On Europe and War
Now he’s such a bore
That the grassroots will all vote for me soon
At a minute to twelve Gordon Brown
In the commons sat down with a frown
When Campbell Stood up
Gordon’s troops said Oh Fuck
He’ll bugger us all once again
The economy’s going to hell
banks, expenses and jedward as well
but I could cope with all that
If that egregious little twat
sitting next to me would stop making that smell
The PM who came from Kircaldy,
Was prone to contorting his body,
When his opponent from Eton,
Was always repeatin’
That the labour record was shoddy.
strange times indeed , Blair lied to parliament and himself !!! QT was interesting as there are clearly some un computable ideas at the moment , sceptics ,cynics , dis belief , unbelief or just plain what the hell has been going off all these years . It is lamentable that that the spin era has made parliament so weak and allowed the blossoming of such diasterous policies and such shallowness that in the end there only refuge is appology for expenses and a finacial mess which we will no doubt be asked to pick the tab up for . Has the professional politician been a succes ?? cleary not under the guise of marxism and its need for mind bending , nor perhaps in creating and all to incompetant and venal form of opposition (remember socialism doesnt do opposition ).
Greenies are having to re adjust being crowned with a tin foil hat , hawks and marxist euro phile ostricthes are looking for growth , like as though one more spin of the wheel wont do any harm , place yer bets ladies and gentlmen , genral public robbed and lying in gutter , Ruin exits casino , its just breaking dawn , pulls off his bow tie and shrugs !
TW Andrew Neils little bit of info on toxic debts could be £360bn or 1/3 rd of GDP will give us all much to thank Labour for come voting time , Iraq discussion was better than QT hawkes /doves rendition , was it really only 8 years ago that 4000 odd people died when islamic nutters shoved two full airplanes into two tall buildings and as Melanie Phillips said recalibrated the threat of Iraq . Sceptiscism and cyniscism are what you might expect as this labour government comes into question , it is what happens when lies or even lies of mass finiancial destruction , are defeated .
The ruin has to counter formal justice with informal injustice and his little expensed spin factory is no doubt busily ensuring he can put the economy to lower down the list , trying to mix it into some sort of boring compliance and defeatism of opposition . the election in political terms is some way off and administering sedatives this early only shows , what labours own polling info is telling them , there vote is breaking up , there is no applause at the end of this bad club trun , weve all been done .
CW liked the van Rumpouy mug , one down , a bit more of the ruins rubbish to come ime afraid , although sooooo looking forward to treasury pre budget and hand wringing , I persoanlly am as angry as hell with finances and dont much car if confession that socialism is a hoax/scam ,is under torture or not , but that is my mood and may not be represenative , I can only hope that my mode is represenative come vote day , by then though i may have purchased my white stallion charger , full armour and halberer just as insurance it never never happens again .
Put the kettle on love
The man from Fife is no fearty,
In fact he’s publicly dirty,
Though it’s made him near blind,
It helps him unwind
Every day from twelve to twelve thirty
The man from Fife is no fearty,
In fact he’s publicly dirty,
Though it’s made him near blind,
It helps him unwind
Every day from twelve to twelve thirty
What I wanted to do was just fight
But I struggled, for all of my might
‘Twas a painful affair
There was much in the air
But all I could think of was shite
From now to sometime next June
Sits a man humming a tune
He lifts his left cheek
Let’s off like a sneak
Oops, shouldn’t have eaten that prune…
nikkie down 3% , $1.9bn owed by Dubai world to abudhabi bank , whose got the exposure ??
come on fawkes whats news from city on re adjustment , insurance looks fun
He looks like Susan Boyle.
Government debt is just so dandy
Government debt makes me so randy
There’ll be no election near year
The people should be full of fear
because who’s in charge. It’s Mandy!
I’m pissed off with the Tories’ rants
Paper waving and nauseous chants
I’m sitting here stewing
A fart that I’m brewing
Bollocks!! I’ve just shit my pants
Poor Gordon was feeling so blue
His friends as you know are quite few
His dream had gone sour
His demeanour was dour
So to the people he said “I’ve fucked you”
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
Mr Brown thought his knighthood was nearer
After making the UK much fairer
But the Queen put him right
With a wedgie so tight
That he cried all the way home to Sarah!
Can someone please drag Brown,Darling,Harman,Balls,Straw,Cooper-Balls out to a patch of wasteland (Liverpool perhaps?) and exterminate them?
We cannot put up with these fraudsters for another week longer.
Thank you.
Brown is a Soviet Spy
Brown is a fraudster
Brown is a liar
Brown is a murderer
Brown is the architect of ruin
(Sorry it doesn’t rhyme – I just didn’t have the time)
winner
Oh dear lord Adonis thinks we need high speed rail !! zoom zoom pea under the walnut , take your pick is under £20bn or £50bn , lord adonis ermm dunno !
zoom zoom its what evryone else is doing zoom zoom its sustainable , CLANG !
CW wants to know how much current rail line network maintence is going to increase by ??? and being as HS2 will carry passenger and not frieght how much a ticket will cost to pay for it ?? zoom zoom wheres all the money gone , zoom zoom what estimate of CO2 would be generated by carving up countryside pouring concrete and making new track ??? zoom zoom how much CO2 would you save by not building it !!
meanwhile Alanjohnson swivels in chair , garry must be extradited , must have been really tough with americans , wirst burns , sobbing the lot , bet they dont think were a pushover at all !! UFO Unidentifiable Farce Object
I am your Prez for Life.
Elected by sheep shaggers wifes
Disgusting by nature,
A murderous traitor
Old habits die hard in nulabour
I’ve lost the peoples trust
I promised to end boom and bust
I’m reduced to tears
I’ve been hated for years
And all my lies are turning to dust.
As brown was sat in the dock
it came as a terrible shock
to be found guilty of treason
lisbon treaty the reason
and he bawled when the cell door did lock !
Gordo’s world has turned cloudy and dark
Coz the Tories now circle like sharks.
If I were an ex crony,
(Especially old Tony)
I’d best avoid late night walks in the park
The people who know me the best
Understand why it’s Tony I detest.
I simply despise
A man who tells lies
While he secretly feathers his nest
As McBust in the commons he sat
he realised his pants he’d just shat
he wasn’t very happy
about filling his nappy
he cried it’s the drugs that made me do that
I am El Gordo Presidente.
My head is all droppy and bendy.
Give me my drugs
Or I’ll eat rugs
And roll on the floorboards with Mandy
An ugly jock retard from fife
had seperate rooms from his wife
i can’t get an erection unless i win the election
so no more sex for the rest of your life
Friends, let me introduce Gordon Brown,
The PM who was really a clown,
Stifled funding for our army sons,
While bailing out his banking chums,
But now the games up and see how he frowns
McMental’s best mate is a queer
a general election they fear
the worst prime minister in history
how he got there is a mystery
thank fuck he’ll be gone by next year !
The Sub-Prime Minister Brown
In his Parliament sat with a frown.
He said – We’re in a real jam,
But my postal vote scam
Will keep David Cameron down.
There was an old Brown of Nantucket
Who kept all our money in a bucket
His banker called Fred
Thought that Brown had then said
“As for the bucket, you tuckit”
Brown followed them to Utuckit
Fred, the money and the bucket
Brown then did mention
“You can keep your fat pension”
“But as for the bucket, aw fuckit”
At midnight a PM he calls
Out loud in the night “Darling, Balls”
His slumbering wife
Got the shock of her life
And remembering the ‘team’ still enthralls
Even though he is not really from Gwent
Brown’s tool is still horribly bent
To get over the trouble
He sent it in double
And instead of his coming, he went
When Bermondsey bricklayers struck
The PM was having a lemon tea I think it was, or insert a word that you think rhymes
By Union rules
He had to down tools
Now wasn’t that hard bleedin’ luck?
If I was John and John were me
I’d be six and he’d be three
If John were me and I was John
I shouldn’t have these trousers on
AAMilne (Nothing to do with it, but I think it’s funny)
A Rugby Player Me Thinks ?
It looks like he accidentally ‘followed through’ while passing wind….
Brown Bush and Blair ,They are bent
An illegal war their intent
whilst good men are dying
they all keep on lying
lets hope to the Hague they are sent !
The once was a son of a Manse,
who ran the country by the seat of pants.
He lied and he cheated,
until he was defeated,
and looks set to brainwash infants…
Deep in the bunker of No. 10
The PM and his team would pen
The lies and the smears
to bring down their pears
No doubt they’ll be at it again…
When Prime Minister Brown was told
The current price of fine gold
He said it – ”how can that be?
If it wasn’t for me,
Our reserves would not have been sold.”
I’m convinced it’s just wind, not a poo
So I know it’s the right thing to do
I’ll just lift my cheek
Then get up to speak
Oh bugger, I’ve just followed through!
There was a wee laddie called Gordy,
Who fancied the pants off a Lordy,
Whilst sucking the peer
He asked, “Am I queer”
“Not arf !”, said the Lord of Kirkcaldy.
Given the angle, I’d say this photo was taken by a backbench opposition MP co-conspirator, most likely from the DUP seats behind the Lib Dems, hardly a likely libertarian. Indeed, fascist more like.
Anyway, this clearly breaches parliamentary regulations, but I’m sure Mr Speaker and the House authorities will be conducting a thorough investigation, naming, shaming and ejecting the offender for a suitable period, relieving them of expenses privileges etc. Perhaps all the Dupes need to racked until one of them confesses.
Bet you don’t think it was worth it now, eh. Hope you got more than a warm pint for your trouble.
Guido sure does move in curious circles…
Me bonkers? – a slur: there’s no base for it;
Make an effort to smile? – there’s a case for it;
My God, but it’s hard,
I get caught off my guard,
When engaged in arranging my face for it.
I do feel sorry for Brown. He does not understand, that with his undeserved reputation for being an intellectual, he is useless and incompetent. He should understand he can help save the country by leaving now. Whoops .But his cronies are even more incompetent/corrupt
Democracy is mostly a bore
and straightness no doubt a chore
I’m a big Scotcher twat
with the brain of a gnat
and the charisma of Zsa Zsa Gabor
I had to have a go. Sorry.
A cyclops from Westminster Palace
Was bequeathed a poisoned chalice
An economy in shit
from a chanceller tit
A liar and a brown-hatter with malice