Friday Caption Competion
World’s Biggest Bond Fund Dumps Gilts - Telegraph
Labour is Skint – Times
Hunt’s £1 Million Prize is a Winner – Alex Hilton
Politico Profits In ‘09 – PaidContent
#Kerryout.net Launches – Tory Bear
Taxodus : Goldman Sachs Could Quit the City – Telegraph
Don’t Take the Voters for Fools, Mr Cameron – Fraser Nelson
Karaoke Cameron – Dylan Jones
 |
Peter Mandelson, asked by a child why he backed Gordon, said…
“That’s the only toy I have to play with…”
-Gilts (Mar)
Flat – no positions
As of 4 Jan 2010
Cast Iron Dave writing down some more election manifesto lies.
That was shit.
Well it wasn’t me.
Finally the Conservatives are equal to financial misconduct.
Yes that should do it, now just one more read through.
La plume de ma tante
Oh oh oh Baltimore!
These pole dancer’s high heels take some getting used to.
Your schizophrenia is getting worse MB/Inky.
Mind the Crap..please mind the Crap. Stand clear of the bores please.
“This guarantee does not affect your statutory rights which are now in Brussels.”
Master Baiter = The Inquisition = bunker apologist wormtongue blog troll
posting to himself again before another lonely weekend
Finally Quill Bingo gets the hang of a short comment.
McGroom so thick didn’t know that AIG stands for American Insurance Group.
Silly billy.
The crisis started in America and it’s global.
dumb dumb diddee dumb dumb dumb
Apologies:
AIG = American International Group (now in state control)
Re caption, Cameo is writing:
“The crisis started in America and it’s global.”
Get lost and post a new comment – trying to get at the top of the list doesn’t mean that either it is remotely witty or will be read by anyone.
The actions at the bottom
Umm, there isn’t.
master baiter you are a prize chump – you keep beleiving what your paymasters tell you.
The American Insurance Group was actually incorprated in Shanghai in 1919, before becoming American in 1949 because of the Communists.
In 2003, AIG Financial Products in No. 1 Curzon Street, mayfair, London started marketing credit default insurance to financial institutions where they could protect against default. Lenders didn’t care who they lent to as they were not responsible if it wents tits up. Gordon Brown’s mistake was not to require normal debt provision if the lending was covered by credit insurance. This created 30% more money being lent out than normal debt provisioning would allow and greedy bankers eventually blew up the entire financial system.
It was an American company, but it started just off Berkeley Square and all because Brown couldn’t regulate his bowel movements, let alone financial markets.
Ironically, AIG was quickly nationalised a year ago because the Chinese were about to “take them home”.
However, the White House stepped in as they didn’t want even more of the world’s credit markets in Beijings hands.
McGroom,
The toxic paper is toxic because of defaulting loans in America.
AIG (American International Group) and all it’s subsidiaries are American which is why the American state took control of it.
The crisis started in America and now it’s a global crisis.
MB Numb nuts – It doesn’t really matter
the fact is Gordon allowed banks to lend using credit default insurance without any debt provision requirement, and Northern Rock, Bradford and Bingley, HBOs and RBS were the result.
Spain’s regulators did not allow this toxic credit default lending that is why Santander owns half the UK high street banks.
New Labour = financial misconduct
have a nice weekend
McGroom,
It started in America, there have been no changes in regulation in America or the UK. The Conservitudes don’t propose any changes that would stop credit default swaps. The problem started in America because of malfeasance in the loans made to low income, no income and non existent borrowers. When those low income, no income and non existent borrowers (in America) defaulted the infected asset backed securities, which had been rated as AAA by American rating companies became toxic. The toxic assets paralysed the global financial system.
The crisis started in America, it’s global. Only dimwits have not grasped this fact yet.
Master Baiter – Inquisition -
Read and inwardly digest where your Labour Party has come from – Gordon only the latest in a long line of traitors.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1225637/How-Kremlin-hijacked-Labour-Diary-Kremlin-insider-reveals-hold-Soviets-Labour-politicians.html
Spies will be spies!
http://angrybear.blogspot.com/2008/09/what-is-point-of-credit-default.html
Read it and weep
DAVE: I am a smug bastard .
Tom Harris MP on November 5th
http://www.tomharris.org.uk/2009/11/05/remember-remember/#comment-31560
Fox strap hangs.
6 across:
Make Promise
5 Down
Break Promise
12 Across
Hung parliament
Loopy’s on a train to nowhere
All aboard for Barking!
The little brown-nosing Tory minions working themselves into a spittle flying hissy fit because of the obvious captions are far more amusing than even the cast iron captions themselves
You will notice when it’s Broon or NuLiebore getting the piss taken out of them in the captions this hilarious pompous hysteria is absent
They don’t like it up em!
Would you buy a cast iron, redundant Referendum Lock, from this man?
NEVER AGAIN!
Cameron denies writing the next budget on the back of an envelope:
“It’s good quality writing paper. You should know – you paid for it.”
Fare dodging is a legitimate MP bonus.
Discount Suit Hire, Contract looks a bit onerous
Now who have I got for my Cleanliness and Discretion Commision?
DAVE: If i keep my head down they won’t see my nostrils are collapsed from sniffing cocaine
Dear Diary….
Why I am so sccccaaarrrreeeedd of holding a referendum ???
If I write like this without holding onto anything, can I make my writing look like Gordon Brown’s?
5 Across, mirth in Auchtermuchty, you could borrow Liam’s (4,3,3,3)
Note to self: have been exposed as useless lying piece of shit. Find new career path.
I like that one!
Right, hands up all those who think I dropped a bollock on the Lisbon referendum U-turn.
Cast iron Promises ,check ,Referedum Check .Gordon Brown compelte idiot Check ect
“Cast Iron Dave” – excellent, I’ll remember that one! :-)
Names on the list: Who is coming on Old Holborn’s walk next year. Carswell. Not you. We know you want a bit of the action………
Make a date in your diaries – November 5th next year.
My own personal review of yesterday’s walk
whats the music please?
Theme to “The Underworld”
Note to self: have had two years to get rid of Brown but have failed to land a single blow on him. People are starting to notice how useless I am. Need new spin strategy.
MPs’ expenses: Julie Kirkbride reverses resignation
“Damn it just when I thought I could hide down here…”
Cameron is the beneficiary of the world’s first artificial backbone replacement.
The new yellow rod is thought to be a great improvement on the original backbone which was prone to giving way under the slightest pressure.
Hands up, who thinks they can do better than Brown, that’s everybody then…
Crikey, just seen the unveiling of the new Alf Ramsey bust on Sky. A victory for the Govn’t and the diversity department, particularly.
So long ago, I had completely forgotten that he was black!
Note to self: everyone knows Brown is shit but I have been unable to catch him out.
Does that mean I am shit too?
Yes.
C.A.S.T…. I.R.O.N…..G.U.A…
G.U.A.N.T.A.N.A.M.O. ?
Cast iron tickets please, cast iron tickets please.
Follow me down the great black hole gordon has left us in :)
That’s two coffees and one tea, all white, no sugars.
And that bastard Brown has destroyed this country.
We’re all in the shit together!
Have I missed something?
Hands up if you want a Referendum.
“Never again will we….” Doh
Must look sincere when talking bollocks.
I wish to apply for the position as President of Europe.
Can I be Vice President David.
Dear diary,
I believe they call this the tube, ghastly place.
What the fucks goin on guide, messages keeping disappearing like Cameroons promises.?
Chanel 4 have announced a new reality tv series aimed at bringing politics to real life. The programme ‘Celebrity Cabinet, get me out of here’ Will feature celebrities as members of the cabinet and they will have to perform tasks which will decide whether they will be up for weekly eviction, by public vote. (10p from each call will go to support cabinet ministers next June)
So far celebrities rumoured to have signed are: Keith Chegwin as PM, Katie Price and Peter Andre as Ed Balls and Yvette Cooper (although currently we are not sure who will play which part) , Julian Clarey as the Lord Mandelson, Churchill (the nodding dog from the advert) as Jack Straw and Sooty as Alistair Darling.
A Channel 4 spokesman said the tasks would be relevant to what actually happens in cabinet and the first one will involve each celebrity trying to print 175 billion pounds in 24 hours, using a John Bull printing set. The two lowest performers will be up for eviction.
It is expected that Sooty will not be up for the first eviction as he has already been practising.
Cooper will be played by a freshly laid line of dog excrement
Ooo, you are awful…
And now for my next scam.
We are waiting Master!
“Dear UKIP,
Congratulations on winning the general election…”
Bought oyster – tick
Through barrier – tick
Wait for train – tick
Get on when doors open- tick
Hold on to bars so you don’t fall over – ah I see.
Support (unofficial) Julie Kirkbride – Tick
much better than the rest
Good.
9-6-2-0-1…I haven’t seen this EMU before. It must be based at Neasden.
bah, beat me to it.
This caption is made of win!
O/T but shouldnt neil kinnock be tried for treason?
and his cohorts?
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1225637/How-Kremlin-hijacked-Labour-Diary-Kremlin-insider-reveals-hold-Soviets-Labour-politicians.html
“One of Jack Jones’s brightest proteges, after all, was Gordon Brown. ”
“Transport and General Workers’ Union leader Jack Jones – who received effusive praise from Prime Minister Gordon Brown when he died in April this year – was a paid agent for the USSR.”
I want those bastards up against a wall.
Gordon Brown is a Russian spy – execute him at The Tower.
And how come these mass-murdering ’shooters’ always pick on the innocent, when there are so-many richly deserving politicians??
Brown has done more damage to ENgland than Hitler.
Correction “Brown has done more damage to England than anybody”
“the diary has come to light in the U.S. National Security Archive.”
What? How long has it been there?
Then the difference between Jones, Burgess, Philby, Blunt etc is…?
The school they went to
“I give a cast iron promise that I will not fall over – this will not apply in the unforseable event that the train stops “
The New Arrangement For MP’s Housing Appears To Be Working Well
Latest post on YouTurncoat.
“U” tube?
O/T but shouldnt neil kinnock be tried for treason?
and his cohorts?
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1225637/How-Kremlin-hijacked-Labour-Diary-Kremlin-insider-reveals-hold-Soviets-Labour-politicians.html
Yes, I have written to Number 10 asking if Brown still stands by his tribute to Jack Jones the fkg Kremlin spy.
In any other time this givernment would fall after publication of the Anatoly Chernyaev diary
Mr Brown described Mr Jones as “truly a leader of working people” who had fought for justice throughout his life.
“Jack Jones was always there to help people in need,” the prime minister said, recalling that Mr Jones fought in the
Spanish Civil War in the 1930s and campaigned for pensioners’ rights until his death. “All of us who were personal
friends of Jack will miss his advice, his courage and his inspiration. My thoughts are with his family.”
Surely, our useless PM must understand that lauding a traitor to this country should result in instant dismissal from the highest office in the land.
Come on Guido get your claws into this story.
Don’t forget to follow up on the gun running Mark Thatcher too thick to think but a trusted proxy for his mutha, that’s got legs.
Hahaha
Sorry, did I miss Mark Thatcher’s stint at being PM?
It’s his mutha, he’s too thick to think, he was his mutha’s proxy in all the dodgy deals.
Oh, by the way his mutha has the same surname (clue).
Surely it was his father that was behind most of these deals?
Mark was bringing down a lunatic despot, whilst Brown was mentored by a Communist traitor to bring down an elected British government. If you can’t see the difference, no wonder your communist thug-buddies are about to be wiped off the political map Master Wanker!!
Fatcher is too thick to think but has plenty of form as the proxy for his mutha in a stream of gun running deals over many years. Mostly naughty stuff, like arms to Eye Rack!
Evil evil evil
Nice nice nice
SOME PEOPLE SAY TORTURE IS NASTY
WE SAY TORTURE IS NICE NICE NICE!
AFTER ALL THEY ARE ONLY DIRTY ARABS
MASTERBAITER UNDERSTANDS WHY GORDON CONDONES TORTURE
MASTERBAITER IS A NEW LABOUR WARRIOR!
DEAD ARABS ARE GOOD ARABS – TORTURE IS GOOD
BE GOOD CITIZENS – VOTE LABOUR
THE FUTURE IS WAR THE FUTURE IS LABOUR
Oy!
Choo choo, turn it down a bit!
WE HAVE GOT A POSITIVE MESSAGE TO TELL MASTERBAITER
DON’T BE SHY ABOUT ALL THE GOOD THINGS WE HAVE DONE
WAR OCCUPATION AND TORTURE AND ID CARDS AND STOP AND SEARCH
SHOOTING INNOCENT CIVILIANS AND KETTLING PROTESTERS
BEATING UP AND KILLING PROTESTERS AND INVADING THEIR PRIVACY
300% INCREASE IN COUNCIL TAX AND A HALVING OF SERVICES
CUTTING POLICEMENS’ PAY AND DOUBLING THE TAX LIABILITY OF THE POOR
THESE ARE ALL GOOD NEWS STORIES THAT WE MUST TELL
GET OUT THERE AND SPREAD THE GOOD NEWS MASTERBAITER
YOU ARE A NEW LABOUR WARRIOR!
FIGHT FOR ANOTHER FIVE YEARS OF WAR AND TORTURE!
ANYONE WHO WANTS TO FIND OUT MORE ABOUT THE NEW LABOUR WAR AND TORTURE AND OCCUPATION PARTY SHOULD CONTACT:
http://WWW.NEWLABOURWARANDTORTUREPARTY.COM
JOIN US – VOTE FOR US – DIE FOR US
LABOUR IS THE FUTURE – WAR IS THE ANSWER
Do you have such a thing as a ..fact to support this? If facts are not necessary, I suggest you are Margaret Thatcher’s gun running offspring and the mastermind behind the Brinksmat robbery and a sponsor of Simon Mann’s failed coup attempt.
Doesn’t quite work does it without an element of truth.
Putin,
Imagine having a drop of intelligence.
Scratcher, who is to thick to think, has form as a proxy for his mutha in a large number of gun running deals over many years. Just ask Jonathan Aitken or William Waldegrave. Arms to Eye Rack and so on and so forth. It’s a wicked world, isn’t it?
Hahahaha
Forget Thatcher.Bliar and Brown and the WMD crap have caused thousands of needless deaths.Id love to know what butcher Bush had on Bliar .Any ideas?
He had some snaps of peter and i having a 99
Total control of security intelligence technology, infrastructure and personnel.
Oh yeah and the other financier, Ely Calil, a close friend of Little Lord Fondleboy. Bet there are a few clenched sphincters in Downing Street wondering when Simon is going to tell all. The EQ’s know the full story, so it’s only a matter of time before the red tops publish.
Since the smoking ban Dave’s Fag Packet has been replaced with a White Board and temporary marker.
The trouble with Gordon’s special edition sudoko was the numbers never added up.
Of course not. I’m not an accountant.
There he goes making policy on the hoof again :-)
Us lefties stand on our own two feet
All aboard the gravy train. Mind the pensions gap.
Well that’s another 5 votes!
Poppy..Check
Blue Tie..Check
Public Transport..Check
Dan Hannan Safely out of the country………………..
End Tickbox Government … Ch.. oh bugger.
i must get a back bone, i must get a back bone,
i must get a back bone, i must get a back bone,
i must get a back bone, i must get a back bone,
i must get a back bone, i must get a back bone.
we like
Right that just leaves Liam…..
Cameron reading a crossword clue:
“4 across, “Destroyer of worlds, evil incarnate”, 5 letters, starting with “B” and ending with “OWN”, I think I’ll put this on Gordon’s desk when I get in.
Gordon Brown orders arrest of suspects of July 7th Tube bombings.
Tube surfing AND writing lies at the same time…
Who said that men can’t multi-task?
Look at them, they all hate me and won’t speak to me now that I’ve divided our vote with UKIP. That bastard Liam’s even pretending that I don’t exist anymore!
At least you can’t u-turn on the tube.
Meh, bet they’re on the circle line
Wankers.
You Fucking Tube
Dear Boris,
Thank you kindly for the gift of the Brazilian football shirt,which i was to wear on the tube,at your arranged photo shoot on behalf of the Met Police.
However,despite your assurances that it would capture favourable headlines,i’m not convinced that it would carry the gravitas that a suit does.I have passed it on to Alan Duncan,and suggested he takes my place.
Regards
Dave
Waugh has this allegedly from Mad Nad.
“A Scottish Labour MP…walked upto me in the cloakroom and said: ‘You were in my dreams all night. Would you like to know what you were doing?’
“I refused. He walked out of the room with me and insisted from 2 paces behind in telling me, disgusting me.”
Why do a couple of Nu Labour ex or current Cabinet Ministers suddenly spring to mind?
Has she compared notes with an MP for Bristol?
Why doesn’t she shut the fck up about her ‘alleged’ attractiveness?
Or just shut the fck up altogether?
Milfy milfy
“David Cameron takes inventory of Lord Mandlescum’s rectum”
- metaphorically speaking (or not):
or
“David Cameron signs new contract in his 2nd home.”
Good one Guido – there’s hundreds of captions – they might not be funny – but there’s hundreds lol.
The ‘Frank’ ad was unfortunately placed….looked like Dave has real probs with his ‘old man’…
Coo coo Suke,
high places, low places, anywhere that it confronts me, I kick it in the goolies with great vigour.
How hypocrites like Miss Baiter etc sleep at night is a mystery to me.
“Refenderum…renferedum…redefer…..Dave always struggled with that word”
Cameron: “Oh fuck! There’s no fucking way on this earth that anyone can clear up the almighty fucking mess that that deranged fucking lunatic Brown has made of this country”.
…with the piano wire firmly secured to the overhead handle and looped around his neck, Dave hurriedly jots down the names of all members of the Bilderberg Group, hoping that this will be enough to prevent the orange box being kicked from under him….
“Kicking stool” is so much nicer!
Rayanair provide new PM with no frills air travel.
Very good.
ITV to remake old sit-com,
David Cameron to star as Blakey in “On the Rails”!!
top taking my name in vain!
Five Down;Ten letters; something “E” something something “R” something something D- U-M. “Cast Iron but not binding ? Dave attempts the “Times” Crossword on the 8.06 am from Waterloo
It was his first trip and Dave could not understand why all our money kept going ‘down the Tube’.
Then he met Gordon the blue engine and understood immediately
Following the first £1000 ticket the tories ponder their cast iron guarantee of lower fares when they sold off the railways.
Dave concentrated on not looking Brazilian.
Did someone call
Dave struggled to complete the final clue of the crossword.
1 across: Capitol of Portugal. 6 letters .. L ..I ..
That’s a capital offence Quango
Like Gordon I can never the difference between capital and capitol.
Which is the one with the billion ?
Guard: “This oyster isn’t validated.. it says you last took a bus at 4:30am from outside ‘miss spankies’ in mayfair”
DC: “Right, you’re name’s going on ‘the list’, what’s your name”
Fox: “Don’t tell him, Pike”.
That’s no oyster madam. That’s a bearded clam
Got proof at last…Ken Livingstone doesn’t, as he claims, travel on the Tube.
Fuck me that Boris is a Hoon, the price of this Tube ride is terrible. Memo to self, when in power reduce Tube tickets, its Green agenda, rubbish Boris, save women on Tibe from Rape and KNife attack to show Boris up for attacking 12-year old girls.
I’m the man, I’m the Man and Brown is a clown.
Right good days work, wgat club are we going to Foxy
Liam, you idiot, I said we must get to Turn them Blue not Turnham Green
Sorry, I just don’t get it. Say it again.
Windmill on roof, check.
Solar in the basement, check.
Husky well hugged, check.
Big hybrid train following behind with rest of stuff… check!
1st class!
No Smoking
‘Mmmm seven across…..spineless mammal with more than one face, a forked tongue and prone to rust. begins with C ends with an N’
The Prime Minister’s butt plug could carry surprising number of people inside it, Dave noted.
List of powers for next Tory Government.
1. Never trust the public on debates.
2. Never allow refurendums.
3. Never allow the public to see how we trough.
4. Never allow civil servents to remove our troughs.
5. Never again …………………………………………………
The “New” British Cabinet are “snapped” whilst on “Eurostar” on their way back from a meeting with President of EU after gaining approval for their first budget although there were one or two points that needed amending which the Prime Minister was effecting before arriving at St Pancras International
A note printed on the tube door gave Dave an idea.
Dear Julie,
Please give up this safe seat for a less deluded candidate
The Life Of A Politician Is Like The Circle Line;
“What goes around comes around.”
Dear Mr Barroso, if you are not too busy, could I please have just a tiny little bit of the country back? Not a bit that means anything, Good Heavens no, just an insignificant little bit that I can spin as a robust repatriation achievement? Yours ever, Dave.
Cast-iron Dave thinks to himself “How do you spell betrayal?”
L I S B O N perhaps?
If you will sign up to my new EEC policy i’ll unlock the hadncuffs.
Hi, we are just conducting a brief survey of transport users…
Which station did you start your journey?
Which station do you plan to end your journey?
How often do you travel by the tube?
Do you use other forms of transport?
How often?
Do you own a car?
Can we contact you by email for more questions?
six platform changes until we reach Bromsgrove lads
Cameron trying to think of a joke on hearing that Balls is in charge of a compulsory sex education policy.
http://www.spectator.co.uk/coffeehouse/5510533/sex-rights-and-duties.thtml
Leaving sex education in the hands of the Government does make sense.
Who could possibly be better qualified to explain the ins and outs than a bunch of Hoons?
Also, notice how expert they are at screwing us!
The cocks in government are also good at getting into a flap
Its the end of the line.
Teenage pregnancy rates to be brought down by sex education for 5 yr olds? Research as to why the rate has been increasing despite nu labour’s “sex education” shows they then consider it validated and legitimized, teachers being proxies for the world of adultsl. Nu labour know this. Perhaps they think the teenage pregnancy rate can be reduced by introducing kiddies to the idea of s*d*my at an early age? I guarantee the kiddies will respond with Ugh yukky.
“I thought the Eurostar got to Brussels quicker then this!”
(Nobody told thids lot the people didn’t want it just the leaders!)
Dave’s writing a thankyou letter: “Dear Gordon. I am writing to congratulate you on managing one successful policy : as you promised, it is now far less congested on the tube (although I confess I would never have considered ruining the economy and raising unemployment to do it). Please do keep the seat at Number 10 warm and try not to let the door hit your ass on the way out.”
Cameron: Liam you twat, you said allowing the Taliban to shoot our men in camp would save us a fortune on defence.
Liam: It has Dave!
Cameron: But looking at the US defence budget here shows that if you bring the Taliban into your own army bases, you can save on transport to Aghanistan!
Liam: I know, that’s why we’re recruiting Mooslems at Sandhurst!
5 Down. First as in wet, rhymes with anchor. Hmm?
So let me see thats Heath, Wilson, Callaghan, Thatcher, Major, Blair, Brown..anymore for that sold down the river trip? I’m sure we have one missing..
Oddly enough, the last three initials spell out … BBC.
I…am…an…arsehole… sorry… lying arsehole…signed…David Camoron…
Yes! I think I’ve spelt it all right. Much better writing than my chum Gordon.Must remember to offer him a peerage uhm…Dunblane and Hamilton…souds good.
Standing room only on the gravy train
Thankyou for agreeing to take this survey. We promise that the answers you give will not be shared with any government department and will never be used to identify you personally…
Mornington Crescent?
Are you ‘aving a larf?
I bet he’s on the Circle Line going round and round and round and…..
In 2009, a team of shadow cabinet commandos weren’t sent to prison for an expenses crime they did commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security Palace to the London Underground. Today, still not wanted by the voters, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and even if you can find them, maybe you shouldn’t hire… The B-Team.
Dur dur dur.
Dur dur dur dur.
Diddle-er dur dur dur.
Dur dur d-dur dur.
Etc.
Fool!
The Tory Party, We’ve Got Some Nuts!
There’s no way your getting me on that EU gravy train fool!
Well, you wouldn’t get them all to the airport would you.
In his attempt to return to normal society Dave’s probation officer took him to the London Transport Museum for the day.
Tories bored at day trip to the Large Hadron Collider
Women Passenger with bag now regrets running to catch the “Tube Train” that was just departing the station
EXPENSES FORM
Expense Claimed… “GBP4.00″
Expense Incurred… “Travel on London Underground”
Explain Why this relates to Parliamentary Business…”Errr…”
Confirm this Relates to Money that actually Left Your Pocket in the First Place…”Errrr….”
Poppy £1.00
Pen £2.50
Notepad £3.50
Tube ticket £40.00
Suit £750.00
Bag carrier £28,000.00 per annum
Putting it all on the taxpayer… Priceless.
This is the winner for me!
I put the wrong price for the tube ticket. :(
Now, National Debt… a couple of trillion plus the twenty quid for this trip by public transport for members of the shadow cabinet makes…
Do not alight from a moving train
Do not open the windows
Stand well back from the track
Watch out for Boris
Let the people off first please
what a Tube
At Madame Tussaud’s – in the Chamber of Horrors.
Guido, that advert’s getting on my tits:
“Tribune: Get your Red Action today”
You can stuff your red action up your fat arses you fabian/commie bastards!
Ever hear of ad-block?
Download Adblock plus here
https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/1865
Will that be two rounds of toast?
OT :(
McSnot’s speech this morning on Afghanistan was more to do with him shoring up his own weak political position over the war rather than his pretend warnings to Karzai about corruption etc in Kabul.
No shit?
Hey Frank, you wanna buy Beeg Issue?
No? Hey punk, the best bit of you ran down your Father’s leg!
Karzai couldn’t give a shit what Brown says. He Knows that the only reason a small number of British troops are stationed out in a distant province is for political cocksucking up to Obama reasons. If Brown pulls his troops out, so what?
Robert Mugabe is correct, Brown is just a tiny dot in the world.
a very expensive dot
Great opening sentence worthy of ‘Carry on up the Khyber’ – but sadly too close to the truth.
Karzai…shit…Brown. Perm any two from three. Bog standard.
Tiny snot
Commuters ignore Dave writing out cast iron guarantee
Or,
‘Busy doing nothing, working the whole day through.
Trying to find lots of referendums not to do.’
Liam: Bloody hell Dave you’re brave. Do you realise Gordo has praised the smooth running of the Tube Service?
Dear Margaret,
Remind me. What the fuck do I do about Europe?
http://fxbites.blogspot.com/2009/11/another-spliff-over-europe.html
How sinister, Dave’s another lefty.
Just like:
Gerald Ford,
Ronald Reagan,
George H. W. Bush
Bill Clinton
Barack Obama.
Hmm. I have seen him write with his right hand too.
Are there two Daves?
Amen
Yeah, goes up a notch in my estimation if he’s left handed. We are always better than the righties. I do hope he’s not ambidextrous, that would be too much.
You’re a sinister bunch.
But very dexterous
cameron ‘these protocols of the learned elders of zion make interesting reading. who wrote them?’
Fox ‘either mandelson or one of the miliband brothers’
Can’t he look a bit more Brazilian??
Vote Cameron or get five more years of sociopath Brown. That’s the only real choice on offer. Anything else is just fantasy.
SHUT UP AL YOU DUMB FUCK.
Dear Fox,
I want my fucking money you slag. I’m not a fucking charity!
Dave.
Dear Diary… It’s true what they say – London is full of dead people.
“…..lean on despatch box with left elbow (try not to look drunk)…..wave index finger of right hand…..look at Speaker….make piss-taking remark….talk through roar from backbenches…..sit down…..leer at Gordon….don’t drop sheaf of papers…..watch for flecks of flying spittle”
.
Cameron: I’ve got it! We’ll get out at Victoria and walk the rest of the way!
Fox: I told you we should have got a bloody taxi!
Having failed as an opposition Leader Cameron works or Boris as an underground time and motion wallah.
Dave visits the remote planet of Kamino and signs off on the latest batch of clones.
Lord Onslow in Lords Deabte NOW;
Refers to Brown’s speech when the evil fraudster says “we may not win”
Onslow is disgusted that any servant of the Crown talks openly of defeat when they are at war;
He asks if Churchill would have said such a thing or Thatcher in 1982.
GET BROWN OUT NOW – WE CAN DO IT
“I get thousands of pleas to stop overcrowding and I find there isn’t any. I’ll ignore any bleats about europe on Blue Blog as they are patently labour trolls causing mischief”
Hands up who thinks I am a twat
This party terminates at the next stop. All change please.
Lord Haw haw
Lord Onslow now referring to the fact that Brown takes the time to ring up X Factor contestants but is never there when soldiers return.
STICK THE KNIFE IN TO BROWN’S GROTTY USELESS BODY
europe, now julie kirkbride,what a fuckin week.hehe
Say chaps, anybody know how many zeroes there are in a trillion?
Fewer than on the Tory front bench, alas!
Dave: Ok, policys list!
1.
Dave: Can someone get me pen that has some ink in it.
Top Tories pretend to be commuters trying to show they are the people’s party.
I end this thread, no more comments are allowed as I say
MORNINGTON CRESCENT!
Dave finds out there are no chance of getting of the EU train.
BREAKING NEWS
Cameron’s bike is stolen again!
Whereas Gordon’s ride just looks like a stollen cake.
Has anyone ever witnessed Gordon Brown going on a jog?
No but he once had a shit next to me!
leave it to the professionals, please
I’m old enough to remember when the IRA used to pack the frames of bikes with explosives and then set them off when the army went past.
See Crossmaglen for details.
I should stop leaving your bike lying around Dave.
“We’re holdin a raleigh, so we arghh”
NO!!
Ooohh!
Oi!
There’ll be a gnash’n o’ teeth, so there will!
Dave finds out there is no chance of getting of the EU train.
Do you want mushy peas with that Foxy!!!!
Dave “cast iron” Cameron is a bit rusty.
Cameo to Leeum Focks
“There’s no lead in my pencil”
Mmmm….ngggg…..mmmm…nggg….mmmm
Ha ha. Very good.
Org Chart:
Prime Minster: Me
Casting Confirmed for Fantastic Voyage Remake: The search for Nick Robinson
I always wear a suit and tie like other tube commuters
No matter how hard he tried, Dave still couldn’t get those figures to add up…
Look no Hans !
Lol
Cameo thunks:
“Jubilee line”
“Line”
“Would love a line”
“Just one line”
“Can’t hurt, just one little line?”
Next week: Master Baiter at Cockfosters.
Perhaps with Guido, but he’d be thinking:
“cockfosters”
“fosters”
“Would love a fosters”
“Just one fosters”
“can’t hurt, just one little fosters?”
are you some kind of tube/trainspotter to have worked out which line it is?
Prefer to be referred to as intelligent and well informed.
How much do I tip the driver?
Excellent – this proves I have never said anything.
As the European Express thundered through the darkened countryside, Dave was beginning to suspect everyone!
Was it the evil Dr Fox? That spine chilling lear sent a shiver through Dave’s body!
Could it be Count Hannan? The impaler of Brussels? The count reached into his inside pocket and pulled out………………. a referendum …. MMMmwwaahhaahha!
Blimey I scared myself there (pphharp!)
So….
Take the sum of the losses.
(Example: £800B).
Multiply the sum by your estimated tax rate (25%) when you make profits, and call that the loss carried forward.
(Example: £100B * .25 = £25B).
Subtract that amount (£25B) from the tax estimate of the first profitable year.
(Example: if the tax estimate was £50B at 25% rate, £50B– £25B = £25B).
Change your estimated tax rate in the profitable year so the estimated tax is now equal to the reduced amount.
(Example: if estimated tax was £50B at 25%, and your target tax is £25B, then make your tax rate 12.5% for that first profitable year).
Simples….
‘Now I’d better write this down. Don’t want to look stupid when we get off. Get Oyster card off assistant, touch pad, walk through gates. Must get that right.’
Better keep my arms down, ran out of ‘Right Guard’ this morning.
I’m off. Fairly sparse today.
poor materials
Tory leader skewered by yellow pole.
Liam fox; If I just ignore him and jump off at the next stop hopefully we can lose the school boy doing his prep
http://newslion.blogspot.com/
I’ve never seen so many honkys in one place on the tube.
Announcement: “This gravy train will be stopping briefly at Westminster before heading to Brussels. Please do not smoke or leave troughs unattended.”
Liam Fox scratches his bollocks, while trying to ignore the rod stuck up Dave’s arse.
10.2% unemployment rate in the US they are following Brononomics with a useless president.
Memo to self . Offer a fucking proper job, a contract to kill Brown.
President Hussain is not going to be very popular, The bankers get fat while the workers can’t find work.
If you include the people who’ve given up looking for work, and the people who want to work full-time but must settle for part-time jobs, it’s 17.5%.
Dave’s effort to smuggle a day-glo yellow snipers rifle onto the tube did not go completely unnoticed.
On the Eurostar, a hitman notes Pierre Lellouche’s head measurements.
Is that Data from Star Trek?
Dave writes out fixed penalty notices to fare dodging gravy train Tories.
MP who thinks he will be the next PM and friends check dimensions of carriage to see if he can fit his chauffeur driven car into it so he doesn’t have to look at smelly plebs.
New technology allows yellow streak running down Dave’s back to be clearly visible.
LOL like it.
Liam fox trying to ignore Cameron gripping a pole with his cheeks.
David Cameron makes history as the first man of scottish descent not to piss on the seat of an underground train.
It looks like that was only achieved by the cunning subterfuge of removing all the seats.
Liam Fox has to grip his cock to overcome the urge to piss on the seats.
Let’s just read Hannan’s suggestion again. Here we go – “The best way to announce your new Lisbon referendum policy is YouTube…..”
“That’s Julie Kirkbride definitely off the re-selection list”.
This in response to the news today that Julie Kirkbride the troughing MP for Brosgrove has now asked that her decision to stand down at the next election be reconsidered – thus reversing her earlier decision to resign. The likes of her and her equally corrupt spouse Andrew Mackay still don’t get it, do they?
I suspect a sober appraisal of the lifestyle they have become accustomed to and their likely re-employment prospects after a 2010 P45 has given them the same scruples as the entire Labour government.
No employer would be impressed by a job applicant who had form on fiddling expenses on an industrial scale.
The Chinese aren’t too picky.
Gordon is Moran
Lol
Nothing wrong with doubling up on ex’s
You tell them Eddie bear!
Oooh yeahh
Bloody right boyo!
Super, can I stand for Glasgow East Gordy dear?
That’s my seat you bitch, anyway you need to stay at No.10 as my interior designer is coming round to measure the curtains.
Nice man who thinks he’s going to be next PM,writing on his clipboard 100 times,I must not give a cast iron gaurentee on referendums.
Bullingdon Club boys fart on EuroStar train to Brussels before leaping off
No Dave!!
I advised an appearance on U-TUBE
Not A TUBE
In his secret underground lair, Dave prepares to unleash his clone army.
Filming for ‘The Matrix – Underground’ had begun in earnest.
Or: “Am I a politician dreaming that I am a commuter, or am I a commuter dreaming that I am a politician?”
“Do you feel your breasts are ..”
A} Too small
B} Too big
C} A good size..
Ticks Other box…..I must, I must, Improve my Bust.
I kissed my boyfriend; am I pregnant?
LOL
Gordon, you have created a bust that even Jordon would consider excessive.
Hopeful next PM,making a list of assets on tube train to sell on Ebay.
Right lads we’re just about over Hellmand province, let’s show the Afghan National Police not to mess with Camerons Commando’s
His feet are glued to the floor -balancing self-interest and treachery. It just won’t do.
Is that YOUR hand on my bum, Liam?
Arsewipe………..are you here.
“Hold on,boys..it’s gonna be a rough ride from here!”
“Liam..what’s another word for guarantee?”
“Limited warranty,dave”
Cameron moves on down corridor after checking credentials, two suspects already strung up.
No! I said we should occupy the centre ground. Not the bloody central line
A special relationship sees UK shadow cabinet consigned to the baggage hold, standing room only, on Airforce One
Murdoch was right. TheLondonPaper really was shit.
Liam gives up trying to explain to Dave what a tube train is.
2lb (900g) bramley apples, peeled, cored and diced
15fl oz (425ml) malt vinegar
5oz (150g) fresh dates
5oz (150g) sultanas
1lb (450g) soft brown sugar
2 cloves garlic, crushed
2oz (50g) preserved ginger, chopped
1 tsp freshly grated nutmeg
1 tsp crushed juniper berries
1 tsp ground cinnamon
8 cloves
2 oranges, grated zest and juice
dash of angostura bitters
2lb of dog shit
when I’ve finished with it
….and a knob of butter
Sit on freshly peeled lemon!
…read Kelly, sniff an onion for false tears
No matter how he hard he tried Dave’s New European pledge dinner still smelt of lemon and tasted of turkey.
Can I get this for my wife on ex’s
Kelly has allowed each party to expense its own private tube! amazing..
Another thing ticked off!
“Private train for MP’s who live outside of expenses free zone”
Dave awfully nice but dim, proves that Eton teaches one to how to stand and write, whilst lesser beings cling on tight.
Dear Boris
I forgot to buy a fucking ticket and being an MP think I am entitled to free travel
Love
David
Yes of course I can autograph your copy of the Lisbon Treaty
Now Liam, again, please, what are these things called numbers?
Liam Fox off with Cameron
Eton toast rack experience is a real life skill as it allows one to grip the pole while keeping both hands free
“I better write this down… so, 3 Big Mac meals, a box of 9, three strawberry shakes……”
MP’s get training course on how to use public transport.
All aboard the bullshit train!
Dear Diary,
I know my courtiers think I am a Cnut (the mediaeval king) but I just can’t seem to stop the EU train.
MIND THE SAP!
AAhhhh… brevity!
I hearby sign the document of surrender. As you will see my troops are already in surrender mode.
..and….Everton to lose at home…£10 treble.
Mayor stops train carrying shadow cabinet in attempt to force rethink on referendum
dave checks out another national assett to see if its been nationalised yet
Liam can you help me with 2 across “a solemn promise of surety containing ferrous alloy”
The boys in blue prove that a gravy train doesn’t have to be brown.
You tube if you want to.
Dear Jim’ll Fix It,
My name is David and what I would really really like is to become the next PM.
Can you fix it for me?
The left hand doesn’t know what the right hand is doing…
Oohh Rene
Oohhh Yvette
You stupid woman !, can you not see that you have thrown all our money away
Vot haz he done mit ze fallen Madonna viz ze big boobies
I resigned!
You were just female window-dressing anyhow!
On a scale of 1 to 10 I’d give her one!
Remember these Ed (.) (.)
Cor blimey!!!
And this ( y ) ??
(. ) (. )
( y )
I’m disgusted!!
Oohh my dicky ticker…..
Ere stop messin abhat!
I remember the days when you could get Caroline on expenses!
l l
(. ) (. )
( )
( )
Doh!
l””””l
(. ) (. )
…( )…
(—–)
Doh, Doh!!
`l””””l
(. ) (. )
.…( )…
.(—-)
Doh,Doh, Doh!!
I hate women
Caroline has a Brazillian
Me too…..heees gooorggeous
Good moaning
slow train, slow train going so fast……….
I maybe giving Cameron to much credit here but he’s writing immediate thoughts after SuperGorgon’s major speech, the same as the last one and the one befgore that, predicated on lies, falsehoods and falsehoods and wrong history…..
DC scribbling, thinks……. “Gordon is an absolute twat. He doesn’t believe the people have got his turgid message so he’s drooling it out again. He’s patronising them again. What he’s saying is tosh. Based on outdated information – we are not under constant threat and attack from Alky Ada – who the fuck is Alky Ada???? doohhhh!!!! We are under constant threat from him and his shitty government. He’s the one in power, not me, so all the chaos has been started by him. We’ve not been as demonstrative as we could have been because we as a party are not united on stuff. Heck, who is these days? Still, I’ve got to find a way of getting this out … of not presuming like idiot, fuckface Brown that the people will buy anymore shit from MPs …. now how the hell am I gonna do that…..fuck?????????”
Try that in rush hour!
New leadership needed to give EU key global role, says Mandelson
http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2009/nov/06/mandelson-eu-tony-blair
Business secretary says personalities as well as politics will have key role in giving union ‘meaningful’ status on world”……………
One sharp jolt and I’ll fall over.
London, July 2010. The former leader of the opposition started his new job yesterday, handing out fixed penalty notices on the London Underground. Asked if he regretted breaking his cast iron guarantee of a referendum, which cost the Conservatives the election, ticket inspector Cameron gave what he said was a “cast iron guarantee” that that was not the case. And then burst into tears.
He swiped me bleedin ex’s
Oiii Rene NO!
Dear taxpayer,
I am sorry that I stole money from you. I am sorry that I made false housing benefit claims. I am sorry that I have failed to lay a single punch on Gordon Brown. I am sorry that I have proved to be useless at protecting the interests of Britain and I am sorry that I have c’unts like liam fox and that other wanker Grayling in my shadow cabinet but do not have room for honourable members like David Davis.
In short, I am sorry for being such a total fucking waste of space.
But despite all of those faults I trust I can rely on you torydaleks to vote for me and not UKIP.
Please vote for me, I will suck off anyone who votes Tory, I will even do anal.
Please vote Tory. We’re fucking desperate.
Dave pretends not to notice the rest of the shadow cabinet have caught the same train.
Most of the quiz was easy, but Dave got stuck on the Midlothian Question.
What ever happened to the West Lothian question?, another Agatha Christie mystery.
Dave writes stiffly worded memo to Gordon Brown to complain about the lack of space made available for his daily press briefing.
Dan,
I’ve decided to take my work back underground, to stop it getting into the wrong hands.
Dave
Dave trumps Gordon Browns ‘regional cabinet meetings’ by holding one on the International Space Station.
Liam Fox checks out the rack on the woman next to him by staring at her reflection in the window opposite.
Obviously fixed photo – when do you ever see three white blokes in the same tube carriage?
I didn’t realise David Cameron was a southpaw, like me!
He’ll certainly get my vote!
‘Go home and prepare for oblivion…….has Dave Davies been at my pre election speech again’
This treaty isn’t so bad, you know. I wish I’d read it earlier.
“I hope none of these fuckers puts the knife in my back for stopping the troughing!!!”
Note to self: we had a chance of victory but it has now slipped away. Thick as thieves is right, the outcome of the next election will be a hung parliament.
Tat is a clever motherfucker. Far, far more intelligent than me and Gideon.
Even though he predicted my downfall and calls me bad things all the time he is still a personal hero of mine.
In fact I think I will join his fan club.
Dave’s cast Iron Guarantee is not worth the paper it is written on.
Dave- There is a bloke lying on on a bier wearing a mask covered in roses in the next carriage
Dear William
Next time you meet Sarkozy could you please advise the frog midget that I am not a xenophobe.
Yours Dave
Opposition steal a plot device from “The Core” in attempt to gauge the depth of the shit that Gordon’s left the nation in.
I hope they remembered to detatch the nuclear bomb before they resurface.
Ah jus’ love hangin’ wiv ma frenns
Diary entry 6 Nov
Travelled public transport for first time – ghastly
Can’t help I’m being watched everywhere I go
Best get used to travelling this way – but remember not to sit down, the seats look filthy
And write note to Boris to tell him to sort out the air conditioning.
Dave keeps score as fellow traveller plays pocket billiards!
Mysterious bag lady forces Dave to take the center position.
Quiet Carriage for the Tory Leader
CAMERON WON’T HAVE TO WATCH AND LISTEN TO ALL THOSE POXY POSING SOCIALISTS WITH THEIR SCARVES WOUND TIGHTLY ROUND THEIR NECKS CLUTCHING CAPPUCCINOS, BLACKBERRYS, IPODS PLUS COPIES OF THAT FUCKING RAG CALLED THE GUARDIAN
You done my ex’s yet you oik???
Hang on lads the gravy train is coming into Brussels.
CMD: I give a cast iron guarantee this train terminates at Westminster.
Train announcement: We are now leaving Lisbon and the doors have been locked. Your final destination is EUSSR fascist superstate.
“Right Fox ive got your name. Playing truant from Westminster is against the rules. See Headmaster Brown first thing monday morning. Your bottom will wish it had never been born.!”
Cameron:
Hmmm, the headlines today are interesting..
Sky:
Insolvencies Hit New Half-Century High….
UK’s longest recession.
General Blasts Govt Over Afghan Helicopters…
These pre-conditions revealed a “complete lack of understanding” of what the troops were for.
BBC:
Tory hopeful ‘open’ over affair
Tory MP Kirkbride ‘in election U-turn’
Looking forward to 2010. I’ll be very popular when I tell everyone that they no longer have to pay a license fee.
So what’s this all abot then? Dave has been photographed in tha carriage in an earlier publicity stunt.
http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2008/12/16/1229423900342/Britains-Conservative-Par-001.jpg
The woman’s thinking – who are all those blokes in grey suits behind the camera
TANNOY ANNOUNCER:
“Welcome aboard the non-stop service to the United States of Europe. If you think Gordon Brown is an unspeakable Hoon, please raise your right arm above your head. Please leave your details with the man in the blue tie. Thangyoob.”
Has anyone got the recipe for Mandelson’s Cottage Pie?
Take two fingers of fudge and swivel until well Browned. Serve with green custard.
I’m just drawing a picture of a knob coming out of Gordon Brown’s head – pubes on the side do you think or would that be over-doing it?
Dear Diary,
Am stuck in a dreadful “tube” train – an underground contraption that the oiks favour to perambulate their smelly selves from their fetid shacks to eel pie shops, or wherever they go to be dissolute and frightful. When I got on, I swear I felt one of them brush past behind me. I imagine that my back is crawling with fleas as I write.
Note to self: Burn suit!…..no….in fact stuff with straw and make into Guy Fawkes! That should go down well with the proles: “Corr blimey, ol’ Dave’s a gud ‘un, ‘e’s gorn an’ givven ‘is 2,000 pahnd Arm-arrrrny sute t’ th’ liddle kiddies to burn, ‘e ‘as”….” I continue to amaze myself! “Once a PR man”, eh?
Christ, when will this interminable journey end? I must have been incarcerated on this cattle truck for what seems like five minutes and all in the name of appearing to have “the common touch”. Hague should be doing this – he wouldn’t even mind. In fact he’d probably talk with some of the beer-addled homunculi and even let them talk to him. That’s what comes of being born in Yorkshire – you have the “common touch” from birth. Can’t say I’ve ever been to the ghastly place, or any other Scottish hovel.
Damnation! The bloody press are here! Some slimy hack has just taken my photo – right in front of me!. I just hope to God that Fox has stopped talking with that black lycra-clad prostitute. That’s all we need – another scandal on top of this distasteful EU business.
I do wish people would just stop bringing up “Europe”. Why can’t the press just not report it? It’s so tiresome and I am really beginning to hate the word “liar” – it’s a coarse word, spoken by coarse people.
Thank heavens! It seems like we’re finally going to be released from the “Dachau Express” – our station is approaching. Not before time either – I think if I’d inhaled much more sweat and cider fumes, my arms would have grown another eight inches and I’d have developed a forward stoop.
Toodle pip!
Dave
“Was on tube this morning – noticed male to female ratio heavily unfair. Must fill the tube with more women, Berlusconi style… ooooh when I am leader…. hee hee”
Dear Julie,
Thank you for your offer of Christmas lunch at your mansion.
I can give you a cast iron guarantee that we will attend.
I was delighted to hear that you will be standing in the next election. This will greatly enhance our chances of winning.
Yours
Dave Petain
ps. which mansion will it be held at ?
O/T Julie rescinds her resignation. Well a woman IS entitled to change her mind after all !!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/8346956.stm
13 Across : Philosopher or ene-eyed Scottish idiot? (6,5)
“Mmm. Too easy! N-O-R-M-A-N S-M-I-T-H. Bet that not many will get that one.”
Dear Mr Mayor, call yourself a Tory. Get a grip. I’ve had to stand since Green Park and none of these oiks has thought fit to offer me a seat. Also, no dining car on this train. What’s more the chap behind is playing pocket billiards.
Disgusted of Notting Hill
Mind the twat.
The Conservative Party denied that membership has been affected by the furore over the referendum on the Lisbon Treaty and that the decision to hold the 2010 Party Conference in the rear carriage of the Piccadilly Line to Arnos Grove was totally unconnected
Check Out How Our 5th of November Bonfire Celebration went “Arkansas Style”
Love the Holiday…Make your Calendar for 2010
Dum de dum, remove Guido fro Christmas Card list, put Barroso and Tony Blair on the list.
If I look like I’m doing something important, I won’t be shot in the head by the police like they did Jean Charles DeMenezes.
COR I BETTER CHECK OUT THIS WEB SITE!!!
http://weareangry.co.uk/News/tabid/816/language/en-GB/Default.aspx
Paddy Briggs says:
November 6, 2009 at 4:18 pm
Can’t improve on The Guardian’s “David Cameron at work on the Tube”. Ironic or what ?
Reply
“Dear Jim
I would very muchlike you to fix it so I can come round to your flat and bum you.
Best regards,
Dave
xxx”
We are just over lisbon chaps, I cant find my ‘chute on the list.
“Who iz next von ze list?”
Thanks for signing this Stop and Search Form.
‘We shall fight them… On the EuroStar.’
OK OK so the train has now left the station, therefore I’m now signing up to the Lisbon Treaty.
Note to self: Must read Lisbon Treaty to find out what self amending means and why people think it is a one-way ticket. Can’t see the problem, only bought a single for this journey.
Cast-iron Tory pledge turns to fudge
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/nov/06/cameron-cast-iron-guarantee-europe
Dear Nigel
I am afraid that I have used up my Commons passes for this year – try Gordon or Nick.
Yours ever
Dave
Dear Dave,
Do I have your cast-iron guarantee on that?
Yours sincerely,
Nigel
Dear Nigel
Actually you don’t, so drop by my office when you next need a Commons pass.
Yours ever
Dave
I didn’t actually make this post (445) – I wonder how someone masquerades as me (and why they would want to!)?
Is this the gravy train ?
EXPRESS POST:
President Kaczynski
Dear Lech…
I am a traitorous slimeball, a political-class liar and a fucken wanker.
Dear Mr Hannan,
Thanks for the Magnetic boots you sent me. They are really great enabling me to be work without holding on while riding on the circle line, one thing though, how do you turn them off?
Dave
“Your name izz going down on zee list”
Dave hogs the centre ground.
Fox – Fancy a whiskey to calm the nerves, Sir?
Dave — Better not, Foxy. Bullingdon ways are behind us now, thanks to Boris. Never thought he’d be the killjoy.
I’ll sling you under a train!
Fucking tube map. Liam, how does that Mornington crescent game go again?
‘Hands up for Euro referendum’
or
‘Hanging on until the next election’
SHould i sign this EU treaty
DO you still wan Cameron to give us a REFERENDUM?
SIGN THIS PETITION
http://www.gopetition.co.uk/petitions/referendum-on-repatriation-of-powers-from-the-eu-to-westminster/signatures.html
did I win it this week Guido?
“Faith ‘important’ to me – says Cameron.”
Holy shite! This Stepford Nu Labour Nazi, Blu Labour Cameron, is a religious nutter just like the evil mass-murdering war criminal filth, Tony Blair.
Oh how jolly. another mug has fallen for my bliar impression !! Brussells here i come…fnarr fnarr.
“ Fox”
“ Here Sir”
“ Nice List”
“ Hague”
“ Here sir “
“ Nice List”
“ Davis”
“ Her Sir”
“Naughty List”
Le Metro pour Homme
Dave begins to flesh out fiscal policy with the same care as his European Policy.
1st attempt
1st Flunky in background: I do wish CMD would stop taking the tube
2nd Flunky in background: I know it is a real bugger getting a 4×4 down behind this.
2nd attempt
CMD carries on micromanaging Boris, sketching aircon designs for the tube
‘So, that’s 7 more chimps for the tea party…’
Excuse, tippex: that’s ‘T-Party’.
‘… or is that ‘chumps? I can’t make a decision.’
“…Oh let’s just have a referendum: ‘Guys, are you chimps or chumps?’”"
Guido, have I won the election yet?
Are any of this lot going to end up on the ceiling?
(with apologies to Woody Allen)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-RKFewOetc about 4 1/2 minutes in….
Who shouted ‘Seagull-shite’ – we have to hold this roof over him all fucking day
I must remember to keep my cast iron promises
I must remember to keep my cast iron promises
I must remember to keep my cast iron promises
I must remember to keep my cast iron promises
I must remember to keep my cast iron promises
I must remember to keep my cast iron promises
Hands up.who wanted a vote on the Lisbon Treaty?
I see that Ghetto Blaster appears to have done a bunk,the only bait I am aware of is maggots,worms,flys,dead fish etc: why am I reminded of these when I read his/her opinions of every political issue under the sun.
Hopefully this person in future will take an unbiased view or fuck off.
As we say up North, thaas geet uh big gob wi nuthin ony cak cumin aht uh it,wi dusnt geyt goom warche un bugger off tuh sum uther site weer tha cun spake shite.
Tha needs uh bandjax stickin up thi arse tuh fuck sum sense in thi yuh Liebour piss artist.
He’s a Tonyian.
I thought Guido would have maybe moderated this me going into dialect but I was wrong,good on you Guido,this Ghetto Blaster/Baiter person really gets my goat with this one track mind mantra of Nuliebour bollocks,read the DM today and you really get the essence of what was going on with this labour bunch of 5th columnists,kinnoccio up to his fucking eyebrows Mc fuckin Broon his disciple what the fuck was going on?,and then we have Jack i,m all for the pensioners Jones being feted as some kind of knight in shining armour what a fucking charade,these communist loving bastards should go down in British history as the most vile of traitors in this land.
Communism was seen to be over decades state capitalism and was overthrown and now we see the same discredited system being introduced under the guise of the EUSSR were all the EU countries have no fucking say in how they are run
what a sad day for democracy.Democracy oxford definition of this is government run by the will of the people.
You tell me what sort of democracy says to the people of Ireland who voted NO to the treaty that you must vote again till we get a yes,what an absolute disregard to the word democracy.
This EUSSR stitchup to take us back to some form of USSR government and a form of globalisation will fail in coming years you can have no doubt of that as Ruth Lee said some time ago dont worry about the EU it is doomed to failure.
I really believe that some time in the future the people in this country will wake up to how they have been sold down the river by these LibLabCon merchants and there will be an uprising in this country of total abborhence against these treacherous traitors who perpertrated this against the people.
“”Does this fake set up shot make me look prime ministerial…”"
Jesus this guy could be PM…lord help us
Juile Kirkbride back in the fold…tick
Scrap referendum…tick
Pose for silly photo on public transport…tick
Bloody hell are we there yet…I need a fag
You’re not at Eton now you know!
Bring the troops home – so we can fire them to save some money…You heard it here first
“History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.” (Courtesy of Sir Winston)
The runaway train ran off the track with the Blues, poor Blues
The runaway train ran off the track with the Blues, sore Blues
The runaway train ran off the track when Honest Dave took his promise back
Now they’ll lose, lose, lose, lose,lose
Petition to the Prime Minister:
‘We, undersigned, demand the Prime Mentalist immediately withraws UK troops from Vietistan, to be deployed at once to 10 Downing St. for the protection of the British Public from the said Prime Mentalist.’
(P.S. Please do not reply with the usual, deceiptful lies about how you are ruining our nation. We know your number.)
“How do you spell surrender”
Errr nudes! (Geddit?)
In the face of mounting ridicule from Europe, Dave once again demonstrated his reliance on the Poles for support.
Voter:
Why are you lot on this train Dave?
Dave:
Cuz we have no platform to stand on.
Voter:
Nah, seriously Dave… what ARE you doing on this train?
Dave:
I’m taking the Tory Party for a ride.
Voter:
Can’t I get one straight answer out of you Dave?
Dave:
OK, I’m taking the lads busking… we’re all on the fiddle.
The first two are funny.
“Not much more of this, boys. You’ll all have a chauffeur-driven Prius soon”
Hmmm 1 down 5 letters starting with B – I’m right inside backward son of a bitch…
THEY ARE ALL ANGRY !!
http://weareangry.co.uk/
Look!!! I am cack – handed
I must write down more broken promises…….ahhhh here’s another one Lisbon treaty referendum.
Yeah the bike’s being repaired today so I am using the tube. My suit cases are still going by car.
Dear Santa,
For Christmas I would like a new bike.
I was going to ask you for a new Electorate but I already have one of those from my mate Gordon. It ’s a bit broken and whines sometimes, I’m sure it’ll do for now.
I’ll be very busy over Christmas reading up on the instructions from Tony and Gordon, gotta carry on the good work! so if I miss you, leave the bike under the tree in the west wing
x
The plan that Old Etonians shall take over Europe is no longer an underground movement.
So next stop we all get a vote as to whether to get off or not, OK?
So That’s Europe dealt with, now for my native Scotland.
I say these tick boxes that the commies brought in are very easy to use.
Thats Liam done who did Pierre Lellouche ask for next.
must clean behind foreskin for Julie visit..
Check trains to Bromsgrove….
[...] Friday Caption Competion [...]
Dear mum,
Am on Circle Line.Feel like I’m going round in circles.
Dear mum
Think I’ve accidentally got onto the Northern Line Northbound.Hope I can get off soon.
Some oik asked if I had my oyster. I told him that I had just had half a dozen washed down with a bottle of Chablis, thank you very much.
So they call this ‘the tube’…
I must write that down.
To do list:
1. Bum my dad.
2. Dig up Reginald and bum him.
3. Go round to the local children’s home and bum some orphans.
4. Go to Africa and bum some staving babies.
5. Buy some kids off a people trafficker and bum them.
6. Never keep my word about anything ever.
Must …try…harder