Friday Caption Competition (Halloween Edition)
Andrew Lansley Has Been Shot | Dan Hodges
Another Gay Gaffe From Ken | Standard
Pensioners Paying Price for Funny Money | Telegraph
Ken Penis Gaffe | Metro
Hague Photo Mystery | Guardian
The Iranian Model is Hitler | Lawrence J. Haas
No.10′s Andrew Cooper Should Look at this Poll | Douglas Carswell
Livingstone Has Form on Homophobia | ConservativeHome
Investors HBack Over RBS Meddling | CityAM
Riddled With It | Pink News
I Went Mad in the Seventies | Ken
Guy Newsroom Splits | Indy
Polly’s Voodoo Polling | UK Polling Report
Labour SpAd Backs the Bill | Mark Wallace
Guido Goes for the Lobby | Press Gazette
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Max Clifford says…
“Most people want to read nasty things about people, not nice things.”
DisgustedOfMitcham2 says:
Maybe if they really wanted to “decontaminate the Labour brand” with business people, they shouldn’t have totally buggered up the economy?
Just a thought.
You are all wrong, I am right.
If you do not acquiesce I shall use the claw!!!!
KILLER ZOMBIE GOES BERSERK!!
I was working in the lab late one night….
The Labour Monsters
Financial misconduct = Conservatives
No one expects {much from} The Inquisition
Sleaze and smears – it’s in Labour’s D-N-A.
No one expect {ANYTHING} from The Inky one.
That’s not entirely accurate.
Brown to quit in November
Conservatives shit themselves
I will claw the balls off Cameron there are no straws left
Brown demonstrates his illegal ninja move.
Dontyamean:
I will claw the balls off anyone – there are no pills left and um outa bishkits
++Breaking++
€90 Billion a year of tax payers cash to be given to the Church of Climate Change
£360 a year for every man, woman and child in Europe to be handed over to Eco Loons.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/8334146.stm
Oh dear. The BBC is going to be in BIG TROUBLE with the Greens over this. The BBC has used the forbidden word (well, 2 words) GLOBAL WARMING. There hasn’t actually been any warming since .. er … 1998. Wait for the BBC to change it – maybe to CLIMATE CHANGE.
Ah, the good old days when Gordon looked human.
Ideal for Christmas, Inaction man, with swivelling eye and real ungripping hands……..
and felt a right TIT
Sarah, gie ‘s a feel!
I’m mad, me.
What biscuits do I like? WHAT BISCUITS DO I LIKE???? I’LL F**KING TELL YE WHAT BISCUITS I LIKE!
I got you ALL by the Balls.
That was the Panther’s Claw he was on about last month,or have I got it wrong again?
Due to EU Health and Safety at work regulations, all cabinet meetings in the future to be conducted under Blue Screen conditions
Not so much the clunking fist as the grasping one…
Grasping at all our money…
when it come to grasping Money he’s not as bad as Blair who his making millions from Arab dictators
http://londonmuslims.blogspot.com/2009/10/tony-blair-making-millions-from-arab.html
“Would that you all had but one single neck, that I might hack it through in one swipe of my sword”
Caligula to a booing crowd in I, Claudius
I like that.
This is what im going to do to Balls after the Election
Brown’s doctor ups his meds to “Off Your Tits!”
Bugger, I fdeel a right tit, or did I imagine that?
Brown does his impression of Cherie.
Gordon Brown’s Monster Crash
I was working in the bunker late one night
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight
For my monster debt by from spending began to rise
And suddenly to my surprise
The economy did the Crash
It did the Monster Crash
The Monster Crash
It was an off balance sheet smash
I made a terrible hash
It caught on fire in a flash
It burnt to ash
I made the mother of all crash
From my twitterings about the middle east
To the master baiter where the brain dead feast
The trolls all typed from their humble abodes
To try and get a jolt before my electoral implode
They did the hash
They did the old rehash
That I was Flash
That I had a secret stash
A stash of cash
A stash of golden cash
But they did the math
And found there was no cash
Out from his coffin, Mandys voice did ring
Seems he was troubled by just one thing
He opened the lid and looked from his lair
And said, “dump this loser, bring back Tony Blair!”
My ratings really did crash
Polls say.. a monster crash
A Wall Street crash
The FSA, was really trash
The banking smash
It caught on fire in a flash
I was rash
And now we’re all poor white trash.
I was rash, And now we’re all poor white trash.
Its so unfair,
I blame Tony Blair
He left me the Crash
And now my teeth I Gnash
In the Crash
The MONSTER CRASH..
repeat to fade into oblivion around May 2010I
Good job
Excellent Bill – record it & cut that hit single.
Shame no-one will have any money to buy it.
Too long
Quite so. Labour has been around far,too long.
Actually, peasant, I have plenty of money.
Take a bow, sir!
And some arrows, and aim them in an appropriate direction
Superb! This is the winner any chance of a video?
Brilliant Bill. Brill. All we need is a Scotsman willing to sing it.
Here you go but we need to get bill to dub it…
brilliant….
Very good. But not half as scary as watching them in the House of Commons.
Well played.
A friend has just raised this point of order… “When my eyes beheld an eerie sight…”
He’s only got one.
I was working in the bunker late one night
When my eye beheld a financial plight
OK?
Very nice. Thanks.
Nice one Bill – spooky coincidence – my rewrite was timed in at 1.54 (no. 126 below) – anyone else going to join in?
That was an incredible performance and much as it pains me…youve just got yourself a number one single, well done.
Winner !
second line….”eye” not “eyes”
ooops…sory 249
trick or trick
trick or cheat
Prick & Cheat
Good heavens, my hero is hideous abomination of a human being. I shall sob loudly into my crusty pillow before deciding my next course of action.
Boohoo. And p’haps a wank.
Give me that mobile
“I’m sure I had a Nokia in my hand just now.”
I wannae drink your blood.
Treat the electorate with Tony, trick them with Gordon
Check out the Quince
http://i.telegraph.co.uk/telegraph/multimedia/archive/01513/brown_1513415c.jpg
Now that’s scary.
Quince or Mince ?
sooking on mandy’s lovejuice ?
Fun with your pants on!! Try an online game of ‘Spank the Monkey’.
See how fast you can send this monkey sailing!
http://www.addictinggames.com/monkey.html
I’ve got a caption for that one:
‘You didn’t know I could spit that far, did you!’
Here’s Gordy
Here’s Jonah-eeee
Gordon Brown Kills Invisible Friend
“I will make the Commonwealth Countries into our enemies. They will hate you because of me. Hahahahahaha
Well THIS Commonwealth Citizen (I’m a Kiwi geezer here) sure hates him. And I’m prob’ly to the left of most of youse.
you WILL vote for me…. Brown fails miserably at hypnotising voters
“Did I just hear; Mandys been made EU president”
Can’t be right, I’ve got a deal. I only agreed to the fecking referendum a second time on the understanding Bertie Ahern would get it.
I find your lack of faith disturbing!
The winner clearly!
This Debt-Star is fully operational. Muhaha!
aw rats I was going to do that one…
You have failed me for the last time…
“These are not the droids you’re looking for”.
PM of the living dead
Scottish Werewolf in London
http://www.solaceincinema.com/wp-content/uploads/wolfman-del-toro.jpg
Owwooooooooooooooooooooo! Owwooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Said the Shewolf. Great song that.
Kali ma… Kali ma… Kali ma, shakthi deh!
LOL!
Most kind sir.
Om Namha Shivaye, Om Namha Shivaye, Om Namha Shivaye…
“Just hold that pose Mr Brown. Perfect. It will be on our Euro Notes and Coinage and we will have a statue made up for ‘We lost at Trafalgar Square’”
Using the medium of Shadow Puppets, Gordon re-enacted the times he has shafted Blair.
All work and no play makes Gordon a weird boy
O/T I can see this picture in som party’s election material. Where do they find these pictures?
You get your Hob Nob like so… then you dunk it in your tea. Although Rich tea’s have their merits as do digestives and garibaldis
Give me yer ferckin’ soul yer ferckin’ tory sassenach…
A rare photo of Bela Lugosi’s replacement in Plan 9 From Outer Space. Ed Wood ordered the unknown actor to cover his face with a cape at all times, lest his horrific visage frighten sensitive 50′s audiences.
Darkness falls across the land
The midnight hour is close at hand
Creatures crawl in search of blood
To terrorize y’alls neighborhood
Get back ye stinkie bassats – d’ye no ken ah’m a master of Llap Goch!
Llap Goch, the traditional Welsh form of self defence?
The Traditional Welsh form of self defence is usually a swift kick to the nads.
Ay, there’s nae bottles in ma bunker tae wrap roond folks’ nappers in the traditional jock manner. Ah’m on Generics ken? I took some lessons fae yon Tango’d yarpie…
Not Halloween – his is doing his big bad wolf impression – you can see the 3 little piggies in the background (Balls; the fat poof they fired (name blanked out) and uber-piggy McNulty. “I am going to huff and puff until you learn to adore me”
Gordon froze – unable to decide which biscuit to grab.
Win
Break it. Have a kitkat.
“If I think hard enough I can actually feel Lord Fondleboys bum”
…and when i grabbed hold of obama in the kitchen…i mean…er…the oval office after he invited me in, I er…told him the right thing to do…and er…that was just how it was…very amicable, very pleasant, he thanked me for saving the world and er…well that was about it. i didn’t have to run after him or grab him at all…we are good friends you see…now what do i do now….?
“Garibaldi, custard creams, I hate them both, it’s true.
I can’t abide cream crackers and I loathe pink wafers too.
Cookies, hobnobs, oatcakes give me intestinal pains,
for I’m the zombie premier, I want to eat your brains!”
Bring me Balls
“I’m going to eat your parents. Alive” Ahahahahahaa
‘McDoom attempts Vulcan Mind-Meld with invisible friend Harvey’
Gordon spent £30 billion on new “Minority Report” software hoping to catch Tony Blair committing a “future crime”.
Michael Jackson’s reincarnation went horribly wrong
Waves to the caring stalkers at the cashline.
GIVE ME MANDELSONS BALLS, I’M GONNA FUCKIN KILL HIM!
“I’m going to rip Cameron’s bollocks off and wave his scrotum sack in his face!”
Stop press:
Mrs Brown airbrushed out of latest No 10 sex photo.
Ah wus watchin’ Jackie Smith’s filums an’ – bam! – ma hand jus’ seized up.
And some black men have them this thick
Gordon demonstrates his sex face while doing a reacharound.
..gags
Ewwww,
Gordon demonstrates his “rusty trombone” technique to the office – in case they want to know how to get a promotion…
Fawkes where is the viewer warning?
…and that’s why I think Tony Bliar is the ideal candidate for EU President of the Council”
. . . and this is me in one of my better moments . . .
Wheres that cock gone?
In the land of the blind, the one eyed unmandated man is king.
good one!
Join Me for a march on Parliament Tonight
http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/news/willheaven/100015212/halloween-zombies-to-march-on-parliament-of-the-living-dead/
Short notice!
Or is that on purpose to surprise the enemy?
This is me using my magic powers to eliminate boom and bust!
Heathcliff……………
Stay away from that window…we don’t want you to scare off what’s left of our voters.
Imaginary can of beer
All of the above are pathetic. Tories dont do humour.
Thats not a very good caption.
Careful.
You & I know that when the Tories are in power we will commission loads of new anti Tory comedy shows – Marcus “Trot” Brigstock, jeremy Hardy, Mark Steel are writing reams of new propaganda – sorry, “material” as I type.
We must stop the Tories ruining the BBC & making the above termianlly unemployable outside of Pravda – sorry, the BBC.
BBC fuckwits will not be laughing when the whole stinking cess pit is sold off.
Fuck the lot of you.
Jeremy Hardy…vertically challenged, comedically challenged.
Definitely a dearth of mirth.
Guido Fawkes is funnier… always, without fail, gives me one good belly laugh a day.
I’ve always felt that the real horror is next door to us, that the scariest monsters are our neighbors.
and this is just after the moment of maximum thrust – I think that big strong lad had him at the time
There must be some straws I can clutch at *somewhere*!
Lol!
Indeed.
Is this alkyholics anonymous?
If you have them by the balls their hearts and minds will follow!
“JOIN ME! AND TOGETHER WE CAN RULE THE GALAXY AS FATHER AND SON”.
Direct match at 2:23. But can we put a mask on him, I don’t want to look at his face.
Surely:
Daft Manse: “Don’t be too proud of this technological terrorist policy you’ve constructed. The ability to destroy a nation is insignificant next to the power of my fiscal stimulus. I find your lack of faith disturbing…”
I’m NOT a one eyed mong!
Having backed Blair for president at PMQs, Jonah rushes back to his bunker and conjurs up a super curse.
‘And this is how I checked whether Harriet Harman was serious about being female’.
…and finally, Westminster police report a mentally disturbed individual has been sectioned , to prevent the possibility of him self-harming.
Oh no, not me
I never lost control
You’re face to face
With The Man Who Saved The World……
with apologies to David Bowie…
Win.
Win.
Win.
Ok Jacqui – what I am going to do is restyle your hair and give you a ‘ducks arse’ style. Wear a black power suit and the re-branding is complete. Be contrite, admit to nothing and say you are moving on, working to do the right thing.
Should get away with it.
Biscuit?
Albino Somali Pirate found in London.
I cant see your cock just flop it here
Give me your fuckin’ money you fucking saasenach kulak!
I give you…….. the bastard lovechild of Frankie Howerd and Brian Ferry.
…and thats how many fingers I got up Mandlescums arse….
“…. and this is how you tear the heart out of a country.”
That’s it!
“Where’s Damian?”
[...] Gordon Brown Halloween Caption Competition on Guido’s site [...]
Prime Minister, may I introduce you to Madame Sarkozy?
that is too scary
Is that the Digger which I see before me?
“Hence, horrible shadow! Unreal mockery, hence!”
- William Shakespeare, Macbeth, 3.4
THE BLAIR BITCH PROJECT
The which Blair project
COMING SOON ER NO SORRY COMING NOW THE BLAIR BITCH PROJECT
The power of Christ compels you
http://newslion.blogspot.com/
You have failed me for the last time, Chancellor Darling.
I keel you all!! Hahahahahaha…..
What do you mean the traffic can’t be stopped for my arrival!
Gordon! Mandy? It’s Tony. Can’t wait to be President of Lalaland.
PM drops empty bottle of Scotch on intern’s foot, demands: “Get me another one!”…
brown is not a nice man. he should be left in north queensferry to live out his days.
and his missus could shop in edinburgh once a week.
and cyclops could watch raith rovers as their most ardent supporter, although that has hit sponsorship as nobody wants to be assocaiated with him.
sounds about right…….
braaains
“Up periscope……………where’s the fucking periscope?”
Give me that bottle of Scotch, you soft southern jessie!
MY TURN….GUESS WHO THIS IS?
PM to taxpayer and voter:
I want that fucking ID card from you, and I want to see it now!
“Show me the money, you tax paying scumbag!”
“I SAID M M M M M MILK NOT PLAIN CHOCOLATE HOBNOOOOOOOOOOBS!!!!!”
You dare to ask whu I’m never seen in front of mirrors, crucifixes or in full daylight?
No-one had the heart to tell the blind Scottish puppeteer that his Sooty had been stolen.
lol
POWAR!!! I NOT HAZ GRASP ANYMOREZ
Fooking madhouse.
The bells, the bells….slurp drool slobber….
In a sudden career change Gordon Brown to play the lead in “The Leonard Bernstein Story”
“”Thou canst not say I did it; never shake Thy gory locks at me.”
- William Shakespeare, Macbeth, 3.4
Yes……Blair…..President of the EU…..has my full support……my hero….
This is the part of “fisting” I love best
Fufteen percent i’ the bluiddy Euro polls? Ah’ll shew them a’!!!
Get oot o’ ma’ way, Mandy! –
- Ah’m goan tae push the fecking Trident button noo!!!!!!!!
To crush the last vestiges of democracy, you twist like this!
Nuth’ns ma fult ye un’stn!
Ah sav’ud tha’ wu’ld!
An ah rule tha’ wuld.
I wanna Browwwn baaybeee with ginga hair.
…but when I reached across the despatch box there was nothing there.
And it was at that stage I realised I was taking too many drugs.
Just an empty space and next to it a wallpaper salesman swallowing air.
PM to HMTQ:
See you, Queenie, gies that fuckin’ Crown!!
“The economy can’t take any more” cried the IMF as Gordon moved the dial on the Deficit Generator to 11…….
With apologies to Bobby (Boris) Pickett & The Crypt Kickers: -
I was working in the lab, late one night
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight
For my monster from its slab began to rise
And suddenly, to my surprise
“I’m Gordon Brown”
He said I’m Gordon Brown
“I always frown”
He said he’d always frown
“I’ll bring you down”
He said he’d bring us down
“I’m Gordon Brown”
He said I’m Gordon Brown
From the Labour HQ in London east
To the Commons chamber where the vampires feast
The ghouls all came from their lavish abodes
To claim expenses under Members’ codes
(Chorus)
The Harpies were having fun
The spending had just begun
The guests included Kaufman
Wedgie Benn and his son
The scene was shocking, all were pigging the pounds
Gordon in chains, backed by his spinning hounds
The troughing members were about to arrive
With their vocal group, the House-Flipper Five
(Chorus)
Out from his coffin, Blair’s voice did ring
Seems he was troubled by just one thing
He opened the lid and shook his fist
And said: “Whatever happened to my EU President twist?”
(Chorus)
Now everything’s bust, Mandy’s part of the band
And our Gordon Brown is the chump of the land
For you, the public, this tale was meant too
When you get out to vote, just think “Gordon – screw you”
(Chorus)
Excellent!
“Thriller”?
No, Shitter.
Audrey: Oh no… run ITS THE CLAW!
Fletcher: NOTHING CAN STOP THE CLAWWWW!
Extract from the Jim Carrey film Liar Liar which given Brown is the subject of the caption seems highly appropriate
An’ after he knocked out mah eye ah tried for his bollocks but mah fingers went up his nose.
Biscuitgate 2: Gordon is offered a Butter Osborne.
OR
“It’s alive! It’s alive!”
Election night and with some dismay, bunker staff realise that the Kirk o’ Scotland probably hadn’t been the best authority to undertake Gordon’s exorcism…
Hammer Films Present: Son of the Manse
good
Aye. Seconded.
OR
“The time has been,
That when the brains were out the man would die,
And there an end; but now they rise again,
With twenty mortal murders on their crowns,
And push us from our stools.”
Gordon grabs one of Mandy’s bollocks and starts twisting.
Look into my eye, not my glass eye, my good eye. Not around the eye, not behind the eye. Look into my eye and repeat…
I luv Gordie, I hate Tony, I luv Gordie I hate Tony, I luv Gordie, I hate Tony……….
“Biscuits” is it? Ah’ll Biscuits YOU in a minute Pally!!
Give me your taxes, give me credit for everything, give me your blood, your souls, GIVE ME YOUR BOGIES!
V’ funny, if only it weren’t true
Keep away. The sow is mine!
I’ve invested in 25000 of these SA80′s for the Troops, it’s just that hard working decent families can’t appreciate them yet”
“I find your lack of faith disturbing”
OR
“All your economy are belong to us”
For Great Injustice!
Some one set us up the debt-bomb.
This creature ‘leads’ us??
(sigh)
‘IT’S NOT BROWN’S, IT’S BALLS’
…Another graphic illustration of catastrophic Liebor policy failure!
Govt launches new anti-drugs campaign highlighting mind bending effects are a 365 day problem not just for halloween.
Thats scottish for “I’m a people person”.
Mandelson puts another penny in the slot machine at the amusement arcade and Grab-It! the Human Toy-Claw fails to come up with the goods again.
“You want best positioned to know who’s right for the job, you EU loser socialist scum… I”LL give you best positioned!”
Gordon loses it… again.
If I had balls, they would be this big
“In eins stroke I haf bankrupted the EU with the climate change lunacy spell – More power David”
28 months later
Gordo prepares to meet Guido!
“I will control Europe by squeezing their testicles”
Where’s that fecking moral compass gone, now that I need it?
I used to be depressed, now I’m just a fucking nutter.
The BBC introduces the new Dr.Why
Invention flags, his brain grows muddy
And black despair succeeds brown study
Congreve
Sound.
And this corrupt,fraudulent lying piece of shit is our Prime Minister?
Not in my name he isn’t.
Name the day Brown – which Thursday will it be in May – name the day and we will take you down in the worst beating ever witnessed in politics.
You are scum – utter evil scum.
You have ruined our country and we will wipe you off the face of this earth – call the election you grotty odious man and we shall nail you into the ground.
I’m feeling better already!
Thanks
Shaun of the Dead, the directors cut: “an apocalyptic uprising of zombies that is destroying society”.
Or;
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Scarletclaw.jpg
The Bogeyman cometh
Starring
Bogey Brown
Peter Naselslime
Ed and Dave Mucusband
Jack Snot
Jacqui Sniff
Tousle haired monster breaks free from the straitjacket of Liebor political correctness to show what to do with a tit the next time you see one.
Unable to see the picture due to the intervention of a web-censor device, I have been sitting here wondering whether Sarah Brown draws the line … at gnawing the ‘nana.
How I see (just) my scrappage scheme
By Gordon of Car Tomb
The Clunking Fist uncluncked!
Brown on his way to receiving the noble peace prize for his outstanding contribution to saving the world from environmental and economic disaster.
In the land of the bankrupt, the one eyed zombie is PM.
First the Blairs, then the Tories, now the fuckin Blairs again.. if yed juz liv me to ruin the Huhnery it wud bee alreight!
Justice secretary escapes Brown’s clutch again
In the land of the b4nkrupt, the one eyed zombie is PM.
‘Scientists finally manage to coalesce anti-matter in a strong containment field of mocking despair.’
Zombie Infestations are like Infestations of socialists, they die off when they run out of people to live off.
Said the Fock Snooze clone.
Looks like you’ve scored a hit there ACO.
Not wankers cramp again
I used to be a Marxist socialist non worker, then I discovered double cuffs, champagne, celebrity, piles of money, expenses, power, my mind it’………….s gone.
‘Tough on time, tough on the causes of time’.
I, only I , have saved the world.
No…you are not a spin bowler…and you are a hopeless fielder…so go to long off and take your midwicket with you
‘Global solutions for a globa…al…right thi…….’
Quick wind him up
‘President blair’
whrrrrrr ‘whats the story in Balemori ill tell u fukin noo……boom and bust’
‘Right. Which one of you bastards knicked my moral periscope’
I will never let go of my precious…..tax payers money
Brown performs on X-Factor: ‘Do Ya Love me?’ ‘No!’
There are suitable pieces of apparatus to help Sir, . . take for instance, this piece of tubing . .. would sir like to try it . . ?
It goes round the neck like this – and then one applies a sucking action with this ultra high vacuum pump
Brown demonstrates how he sqoeezes the taxpayer
And the local boys and girls of Westminster knocked on the door of No10. to be greeted with the most horrific sight;
Brown (for it is the monster himself);
“Trick or Treat – that’s another source for tax revenue – give me all your sweets little girls”………
A book…four words…whole thing…the Alan Clark Diaries?
“I swear. The bogie was this big. If you don’t believe me ask my car valet”
Brown explains how he turned boom to bust
I told you those dimwits Osborne and Cameo would pull a U turn and end up backing QE (quantitative easing).
It’s just where we want the mental midgets!
Did somebody say something?
Is there an echo in here?
Not even funny Jonty
Sorry. It is difficult living on an intern’s wage. Can Peter give me a rise?
“We”? Is Peter there today or is it just your imaginery friends Wavering Tony and Grauniad Wimmin?
Barroso, Head of the EU is/was a Maoist (death toll 40+Million)
[Silence]
[Silence]
No, I think it has actually gone away.
Can you please read the script, MB, we decided not to pursue this one anymore. Keep this up and you’ll be back reporting to Derek again.
The true story behind the photograph, 1 minute in and the ZaNuLiebor monster begins to reveal itself!
Then at 1m 35s a healthy dose of quantitative easing gets it hidden again from view.
GB: Dave, Tony never told you what happened to your father…
DC: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!
GB: No! I am your father!
DC: NOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOO!
‘TRUE!—NERVOUS—VERY, very dreadfully nervous I had been and am; but why will you say that I am mad? The disease had sharpened my senses—not destroyed—not dulled them. Above all was the sense of hearing acute. I heard all things in the heaven and in the earth. I heard many things in hell. How, then, am I mad? Hearken! and observe how healthily—how calmly I can fuck up the whole country.’
(Hat tip to Edgar Allan Poe).
Magistrerial.
“Look into my eye, look into my eye, the eye, the eye, eye, not around the eye, don’t look around the eye, look into my eye…you’re under… Repeat after me, the recession is over, the recession is over…”
Quite disturbing. Guido seems to be blocking the q**** word and no doubt the n***** word. Guido what we need is a site where we can call a q**** and a spade a spade.
That’s kweer.
Anon the point I was trying to make is that it seems to be quite acceptable here to use the ‘F’ word but not to use a commonly used expression to cover the situation where a man rams his penis up another mans anus.
X-Men’s Magneto really looks like he’s let himself go without the CGI…
See Prime Ministerial Tension does exist
“Prime Minister there’s a call from Tony Blair. He wants to know how much you’re enjoying the job?”
That’s how big Harriet is down below, wait a moment, I’ll need both hands for Jacqui.
In a scene of almost Wagnerian misery,Brown imagined the personality he would never have.
Testing 1 2 3. Faggot
A Nightmare on Downing Street
Quality
12 year nightmare and the zombies are still running the asylum… bring on the chainsaw massacre!
Seconded.
Is this a dagger which I see before me,
The handle toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee.
I have thee not, and yet I see thee still.
Art thou not, fatal vision, sensible
To feeling as to sight? Or art thou but
A dagger of the mind, a false creation,
Proceeding from the heat-oppressèd brain?
I see thee yet, in form as palpable
As this which now I draw.
Thou marshall’st me the way that I was going,
And such an instrument I was to use.
Mine eyes are made the fools o’ th’ other senses,
Or else worth all the rest. I see thee still,
And on thy blade and dudgeon gouts of blood,
Which was not so before. There’s no such thing.
It is the bloody business which informs
Thus to mine eyes. Now o’er the one half-world
Nature seems dead, and wicked dreams abuse
The curtained sleep. Witchcraft celebrates
Pale Hecate’s offerings, and withered murder,
Alarumed by his sentinel, the wolf,
Whose howl’s his watch, thus with his stealthy pace,
With Tarquin’s ravishing strides, towards his design
Moves like a ghost. Thou sure and firm-set earth,
Hear not my steps, which way they walk, for fear
Thy very stones prate of my whereabout,
And take the present horror from the time,
Which now suits with it. Whiles I threat, he lives.
Words to the heat of deeds too cold breath gives.
PMQS has come on a lot lately.
“Stand not upon the order of your going, but go at once.”
(Throws Nokia)
“… I am in blood
Stepp’d in so far, that, should I wade no more,
Returning were as tedious as go o’er.
Strange things I have- in head that will to hand,
Which must be acted ere they may be scann’d.”
Leona Lewis re-lives book signing nightmare!!
:
Evil Occultists run in fear after accidental invoking a one eyed, Scottish demon instead of Satan.
‘accidently’, sorry
Mat the farce stay with you.
May the farce stay with you, even.
Brown auditions for the lead in Quentin Tarantino’s new zombie movie to be titled – “From Boom to Bust!”
…and I did it my waaaay.
I’m not a bully
GORDON’S ALIVE !!!!
Just.
Mandelson temporarily loses control of Brown as a power surge at Downing Street blanks out all transmission to the radio implant
“Quick Nurse! The sedative’s wearing off !”
At his appeal hearing Marlon King submits new CCTV evidence!
O/T just watching Question Time from last night.
Just before the second question is asked re should the thieving bastards be allowed to go to the House Of Lords,the camera shows Dimblebore looking at his A4 briefing notes for the next question to be asked.
Looking over his shoulder is the worst Home Secretary ever to be allowed in to the role – Jackeee I am a criminal Smith – she is reading the question and then averts her eyes when Dimblebore looks at her.Fascinating – they even cheat the hangmen!
Um
i never realised John Sergeant was such a Labour luvvie…..oh hang on a minute, he was the Beeb’s political correspondant…
hang on a mo….this other Liebor luvvie could be his love child
http://images.mirror.co.uk/upl/m3/aug2007/3/6/68B9EEB0-CCB9-333B-6D9238618094E35B.jpg
…and I tell you Obama knelt before me and gently bathed my feet.
Dead man walking makes one last grasp for everybody’s life savings.
my vote
You cut me, man!
- You were in my fucking way!
- [ Spud Whimpers ]
- [ Groaning ]
Anybody else want to get in my fucking way? – You? – You?
Hey, Rent boy…
you bring me down a fucking smoke.
Royal Mail Astro-Scientists identify cause of pensions black-hole!
…and the next time I see Osborne I’m going to butt-fuck him till his eyes pop out.
: )
The government quickly acted to ban all trick or treating once it had become clear just how hideously scary modern Halloween masks had become.
Ed has just thought of a brilliant wheeze to repay the deficit
Any householder who opens the door to “Trick & Treaters” on Halloween and who does not have a valid CRB check in place will be subject to a fine of £5,000.Police Officers and Officials from the Dept for Schools, Children and Families will be carrying out “spot checks” nationwide on the night.
Just wait for them to knock on MY door,with their fucking parents skulking in the background – wham – oh sorry,thought you were my MP come round to apologise.
I shall have a hose pipe dangling out of the bathroom window ready for action. When the little bastards knock on my door they get the trick and I get the treat.
Brown (l)oaf – sliced as soon as possible
OT-David Cameron will announce he will not hold a referendum as the Lisbon Treaty will be LAW.
http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/standard/article-23762899-david-camerons-u-turn-over-the-lisbon-treaty.do
Good BYE. Vote UKIP.
UKIP vote just went up massively.
Vote UKIP get Brown – is that really what we want!!!!!!!
Vote Tory-what’s the bloody difference. Run by Europeans, taxed by eurpeans, jailed and fined by Europeans. Your business run by europeans.
Your land-european. Our nest is going to be over run by cuckoos
Hi Ivor, the tory position has always been that you cannot hold a referendum on Lisbon once it is ratified so I am not sure what Joe Murphy is on about. The “cast iron guarantee” was only if it had not yet been ratified. This has always been clear and likewise the “what next” would only be presented once Lisbon is ratified.
I presume Joe Murphy has assumed ratification in the next few days and cobbled a “story” around these dregs. Anyway, Ivor, keep pushing this UKIP thing and this link will give you an idea as to what will happen!
Huntingdon North By-Election
Yuk! Another two years of rolling disaster and the IMF in charge.
BTW Murphy also claims Millipede is “in line for EU top job” so maybe he’s just having a funny turn this afternoon.
A general election is vastly different to a local election. No different from picking up a gun in a war. No single man or woman believes they are going to make a difference to the outcome but you fight because it is right to defend your country. At least they tried in the case of surrender. If surrender it be. Vote UKIP. There is nothing to lose faced with an enemy the size of traitorous money grabbing LibLab Cons.
I am sincerely hoping (and trusting) that you are a UKIP man, Ivor, and not a ZNL troll so here goes again!
You say “there is nothing to lose” but there is: at least two more wasted god-forsaken years and another twenty to fix it. Don’t know about you but I’ve suffered 12 wasted years already and I will really feel another two.
Sorry to ignore your warfare scenario but this is not a war, it’s politics and that requires a completely different thought process.
If I were ZNL I would send all my activists out to unwinnable or ZNL marginal seats with UKIP leaflets; forget “Dave won’t give you a referendum” and sod “vote for Brown”. Just vote UKIP!
Voke UKIP, get Brown.
PS If I read you wrong and you are actually handing out guns then I’m on board.
Vote Cameron get Blair
You all
Keep quiet everybody…I think there’s an elephant in the room.
Gordon auditions for The Exorcist III: The Defiler
The director said that his spinning head trick was disturbingly natural
Brown in shock casting for Grorge A. Romero’s new zombie sequel “Year of The Living Dead”
12 years of the living dead, surely ?
He looks like Chris-Chan in that picture, making the Claw of Doom.
Heeeere’s Gordo!
Where’s my eyepod; I threw it over there?
And in the left corner…….
All the way from Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath……
The one eyed son of the manse…..
The fisting clunk…….
Britain’s daftest chump and undisputed worst Prime Minister in history……
Jaaaaammmmeeeeessssss Gordon Brown.
Give me the monoamine oxidase inhibitors – NOW!
V, v, good.
Her Maj Cam captures the exact moment Gordon Brown tries to flog-off the Crown Jewels
now THAT’s an hilariously fucking scary picture.
gordon (for it is he) is saying:
” … and then I pulled my hand out of Ed Ball’s arse and held his still-beating heart in my hand – like this!”
‘The Colossus of Toads.’
Van der Velde felt the comforting mass of the riflestock against his shoulder as he steadied his Ruger M77. The Beast was close now…close enough…too close? He wondered, not for the first time, what it would feel like if its claws and fangs should rip through his flesh. He squeezed the trigger, slowly, as his father had taught him, little Pietje, just six years old, with his first rifle. He unleashed the .458 Lott African cartridge…..with a roar that ended in a sad, bubbling diminuendo, the Beast collapsed before him, an expresiion like puzzlement on its twisted features. So it ends, thought van der Velde. So it always ends.
O/T, but another broken promise from Brown:
http://www.bmj.com/cgi/content/extract/339/oct23_2/b4384
I would like to have Brown in a room – just him and me – I would smash his fucking head in and rip his body to bits using just my hands – and I am a law abiding citizen,just can’t this piece of shit any longer.
It’s the right thing to do.
And the shocking news is? Seems like just another day under Za Nu Liebour to me.
Children? Come to me, children!
Bring that fucker Boulton tae stand before me!
SATAN IS MY LORD SATAN IS MY MASTER
Gordon’s latest visit to a primary school did not go quite as planned…
Brown: “Merkel, get your baps out, bitch; if you don’t back me or tony for eu president then I’m going to squeeze them so hard that they’ll end up like a pair of raisins”
I GRAB SATAN’S BALLS LIKE THIS AND THEN I SUCK HIS COCK
Here’s the trick – there is no treat! Just more and more Liebor misery!
Is this a dagger that I see before me?
I’ll crush that Cameron like I did my moral compass!
Brown uses his destructive power to drain all colour out of not so Great Britain.
Gorgon demonstrates what he’ll do to Andrew Neather when the Stazi-Met track him down…
Holy fuck! I am generally scared!
Mandlebum swears by Vaseline® for quantitative easing but in this case the reciever appears to be in some slight distress!
Mr Brown has been denounced by nearly all his MPs
Heeheeheehee
‘Star student of Sociopathic Numptiness imagines tearing the genitalia off anyone working in the private sector (whether unionised or not) with his big clunking claw’
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeere’s Gordy !
Gosh Masturbator you’re on the ball. This was weeks ago of course but it’s the “bottom line” on the BBC online report. Er, today. So that’s told us.
“I’m a TIGER!!!”
(said in an Alan Patrtridge voice whilst he gazes into the mirror)
Gordon needed no motorcade to stop traffic.
Ah’m fra’ the Monsta’ Ravin’ Loony Party!
Vote fae’ ma’
Cos nuthn’s ma fult ye un’stn
You wanna know what biscuit I like . . . !!!!
ARRRGGGHHH!!!!
Biscuits? No. I’m into hash browns
Not many serious entries – maybe too many gobsmacked by the photo. just where was it taken?
Anyway – my twopennath is
“I am a blasted tree; the bolt has entered my soul; and I felt then that I should survive to exhibit what I shall soon cease to be–a miserable spectacle of wrecked humanity, pitiable to others and intolerable to myself.”
She might be invisible, but you should have a feel of them.
OK. Like all of you I’m thoroughly browned off. There…I’ve said it. Can I go now?
Yes, fucking, please!
Brown furious as he realises the cornea stolen from BNP HQ belongs to Nick Griffins false eye
Spec-savers release in-store CCTV footage as Gordon Browns eye test results are announced.
Mong with tunnel vision takes advisors too literally when they tell him to “get a fucking grip”
Notice pinned on pole in photograph reads….
STOP WALKING INTO ME!!!
Brown:
This is my Jack Nicholson Halloween outfit .
If you think I look bad you should Kaminsky – he’s come as Michael Caine.
Into this hand I want the gonads of Reid and Ainsworth NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
Demented moron graphically illustrates how he will pay for climate change by squeezing the bollxxxx off the tax payer yet again cos’ its the right thing to do.
Foreign Secretary taunts PM with banana!
I’m here to sell some sand to arabs, also does anyone want to own a bridge?
Mandelbum uses a bit to much teeth
McDoom: “…and then, I said to Obama, when we have really GRASPED the issues facing the international regulatory…”
[Medication kicks in, his eyes roll back and the bunker returns to normal]
Aide 1: “thank fook for that, I thought we’d lost it for a moment”
Aide 2: “Jeez, I nearly had Peter on the phone this time”.
Gordon Brown stuns Millbank staff as he farts the theme tune to X Factor!
One-eyed monster grabs invisible woman’s tit.
BRAAAAAINNNN…. NEED A BRAAAAAINNNN
Gordon reacts to Masturbator’s plea for a 2p pay-per-post increase.
You tullin’ me mi bairn MilliDave’s ni gid enough furra ya fookin jeb!
IIs’ git ain…… with…. yoo two-tuned Eee OOOoo fookers!
O/t but I see gorgons friend Omaha, has at least managed to drag himself out to go and meet the dead U.S. servicemen coming home from Afghanistan.
Gorgon is bound to copy because it’s the right thing to do!
Brown being the “Man of Courage” that he is – will go nowhere near Brize Norton you can absolutely guarantee that.
Gordo tries to look warm and friendly.
“Is that a dagger I see before me” et al to the story’s end
If you don’t put a hoola hoop on each of my fingers I will fill my nappy AND refuse to take my pils.
I meant ‘pills’!
V good
Who stole my wedding ring? You Nadine?
Look in my eyes, look in my eyes…….and what do you see? I don’t think we need to answer this question.
B-b-b-b-b-raiiiins…..I-I-I-I-I-I-I n-n-n-need b-b-b-b-b-b-b-braiiiiins…
………and your are back in the room
“Do not be too proud of this economic terror we have created. The ability to destroy a country is insignificant compared to the power of the force.”
Monty Python’s Life of Stalin.
Spot the mobile thrown competition more like
Gordon sizes up Batty Hattie’s right tit for a good grope.
‘Is this a dagger which I see before me, the handle toward my hand?’
Sorry, Macbeth…
Ah… Michel got there before me … Missed it the first time. Apologies!
I got there before the pair of yers.
“Missed the bastard, ANOTHER NOKIA!!”
Andy, I told you not to mention the fucking pills.
So when you get to the party you hold up your hand like this and the daft fuckers think you’ve brought a bottle.
“… and this is how I took my moral compass and shoved it elbow-deep up my own slack fat arse”
…
You put your left claw in
your left claw out,
your left claw in
and you shake it all about
…
I’m gonna get Marr’s nuts and I’m gonna make sure he’ll never sire another bastard again.
Now if I can just do a mind-meld with Tony, I might be able to acquire his presentational skills and win the election ….
Braaains . . . neeed braaains !
Oh, . . . a-a-and Balls, . . . a-a-and Charisma, . . . a-a-and a fourth term in office, . . . a-and £100 Billion to set the treasury back on its feet . . .
HoneyI’m home!!
“Is this a dagger which I see before me,
The handle toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee.
I have thee not, and yet I see thee still.
Art thou not, fatal vision, sensible
To feeling as to sight? or art thou but
A dagger of the mind, a false creation,
Proceeding from the heat-oppressed brain?”
The photograph was evidently taken many years ago, before the hideous creature had become swollen with blood.
‘This is how I claw the wealth of the nation from you fools’.
(P.S. Anyone up for a few pints and Westminster riot?)
I will rip the dead wallet from your pocket (in case you still have money!!)
Gordon doesn’t like people telling the truth…
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1224162/Drug-tsar-claimed-ecstasy-LSD-harmful-alcohol-sacked.html
Frightening picture. Where are our marksmen when we need them? (Oh yeah, growing poppies in Afghan)
True, trouble is, no one on here will fully understand the implications of your statement.
Implications are immense, and part of a jigsaw that shatters the illusions of 9/11, 7/7, financial crash etc. Note to self: shut up, else Thought Police will be round to smash brains in!!
Night of the Dead Blind
I’m as nutty as a fucking fruitcake I am.
Is this a dagger which I see before me,
The handle toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee.
I have thee not, and yet I see thee still.
Art thou not, fatal vision, sensible
To feeling as to sight? or art thou but
A dagger of the mind, a false creation,
Proceeding from the heat-oppressed brain?
I see thee yet, in form as palpable
As this which now I draw.
Out, damn’d spot! out, I say!—One; two: why, then
’tis time to do’t.—Hell is murky.—Fie, my lord, fie, a soldier, and
afeard? What need we fear who knows it, when none can call our
pow’r to accompt?—Yet who would have thought the old man to
have had so much blood in him?
And oftentimes, to win us to our harm,
The instruments of darkness tell us truths,
Win us with honest trifles, to betray’s
In deepest consequence.
I AM IN BLOOD
Stepp’d in so far, that, should I wade no more,
Returning were as tedious as go o’er.
Those he commands move only in command,
Nothing in love: now does he feel his title
Hang loose about him, like a giant’s robe
Upon a dwarfish thief.
Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
Alas poor yorick.
WHO has pinched the bog roll?
I know your behind me Damien
“I find your lack of faith… disturbing”
So, I got hold of Griiffin by the Neck like this…..
Bankers, bankers yerall a loada BANKERS!
I can’t be bothered to trawl, so apologies for cross posting.
Madman grasps at straws …
It’s the new trailer for friday the 13th. Freddy Kreuger wasn’t scary enough.
A ca ney fi d dour hadle
Another Whisky Mr Brown ? HALL O WEE ‘N
Would whisky not be good enough for him?
Lisbon “treats” Oh Goody, where do i sign ?
Children Flee iIn Terror As Brown Visits another State School !
Yer on druuugs Hall ‘o Ween Yer off em !
..then I gripped the Earth in me ‘and, an’ I squished it an’ crushed it an’ smushed it until everyyyyyone was DEAD, DEAD! hahahahahahahahaha
An’ then I woke up.
BRAINS!!!!
Gordon did well in the ‘Doctor Who New Villain’ Talent contest at the BBC
More EX FACTOR than X FACTOR
BBC try out new Doctor Who character. With one look he can destroy a whole economy
Is that a Nokia in ma hand?
And this is how I manage our scientific advisors….
What did you expect from a Mentalist in a bunker,,,
other than a bunker mentality?
Fuck, I’ve screwed my niblick.
Welcome to Bunker Airlines. This is your Captain speaking.
We shall be flying through turbulent times; the moral compass is up the spout; the crew is revolting and the wheels have come off the undercarriage.
Prepare for a crash landing in the Spring.
I am never wrong.
Gordon gets David in his Jedi death grip, whilst sleepwalking the economy into oblivion
“You can either profit by this or be destroyed.
It’s your choice, but I warn you not to underestimate my power.”
Feel the force Obegone MandelKnob
My powers will utterly crush you like little bogeys
The force is with me……
Dr Jekyll! Dr Jekyll! What’s the matter? What’s happening to you?
” I smell a rat! I see it floating in the air and, by heaven, I will nip it in the bud.”
Which one of you is in league with Professor Nutt and stirred skunk into my porridge?
THE OUTLAW GORDON BROWN IT HAS TO BE THE WINNER!
With Odds Of 60,000,000/1
Ladbrooks Reveal The Idiot Who Bet His Life Savings On Brown To Win The GE
And when he starts to turn back from green, you’ll need to give him a new shirt or everyone will realise what he’s like.
“…join me and together we will RULE the galaxy as Father and Son!”
o.0 Amazing photography
It is a zombie xDD
Oh my (little) brain hurts!
I want yours.
Two Captions:
‘If Mandelson tries that in the toilets again, I’ll fecking kill him!!!’
‘Who says my eyesights failing…….now where’s that fekking pole?’
I feel a right tit! Bugger, I must be dreaming again.
Wow, spitting image of Private Gomer Pyle
It’s You or the Nokia. Decide.
Gimme my phone back or it’s the printer…
“Some of Dr Frankenstein’s earlier, more crude creations bore little resemblance to the monster that we are familiar with”
It Lives!
Harriet, I’ve waited so long to do this…