October 28th, 2009

Downing Street : Biscuitgate Never Happened…

Is Brown Bonkers?Downing Street is now insisting that Gordon never saw the dozen Biscuitgate questions during the Mumsnet livechat.  Being unable to see anything that isn’t in headline size letters, the questions were instead put to him verbally by Mumsnet staff who also typed the answers as well.  They allegedly didn’t want to waste the Prime Mentalist’s time on chocolate finger issues.

On Saturday they said on the Downing Street  website that Gordon isn’t depressed:


Why the hell shouldn’t he be depressed? Unemployment is nearly 3 million, the public finances are a disaster, the economy is bust and the Labour Party is facing electoral annihilation. He would have to be a madman to be happy.  Next they will be claiming he didn’t say he liked to jump out of bed to the sound of the Artic Monkeys in the mornings…


  1. 1
    gone fuckin mental says:

    Ot fawkes the story about the gran and the race hate affair made the bill o rielly show , in the is it legal bit


  2. 2
    Leela Turanga says:

    Obviously he has depth perception problems.
    Also debt perception problems.


    • 14
      Wright Headley says:

      I always thought as much


    • 16

      And dirt perception problems – he brought back mandy didnt he


      • 23
        Wright Headley says:

        This is how I see it at least, with a few minor modifications which I hpe will be permitted me. Ergo, ॐ There’s more to life than what’s really going on ॐ

        ~I find singular exhileration in existential living and experience a comfort-fit feeling when contemplating the unpreventably necessary finality of oblivion~

        ~Picking ones fights is the benchmark of harmonious existence~

        ~Life is the cramped staging area of sprawling death~

        ~Meaning is that from which something else arises~

        ~Realising you can do no good is the essential primer for Doing Nothing~


    • 18
      Heir Vs Blair. Attack of the Clones - Euro Edition says:

      Think the T.A. U-Turn was a bigger story myself and “biscuitgate” was barely picked up at all by the national media at any point, but what the hey!

      Brown’s a ditherer who’s every waking hour is haunted by his colossal ditering mistake in not calling the snap election in christmas 07 when he would have won.


    • 104
      M. Groening says:

      It is actually Turanga Leela.


  3. 3

    Look, every fucker north of the border knows that any Sweaty worth his salt, knows there is only one biscuit that they’d eat, Tunnocks.


    Or if you’re a child, then you eat these.



  4. 4
    Moderate comment says:

    Just take these pills and this penknife and go for a walk in the woods.


  5. 5
    Brown Eye says:

    I think you are losing sight of the main policies. On which I am continuing to do the right thing. (Biscuits AB actually, with cheese possessed), but they are inherently right wing.


    • 30
      Gorgon Zola says:

      Yes, I am a jammy dodger. but have cheesy inclinations for the next few months. Ask next year, cos I can’t decide yet…. It’s the right thing to do.


  6. 7
    Sir eat a lot says:

    An elderly man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite biscuits wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.

    Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen.

    Were it not for death’s agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table
    were literally hundreds of his favourite biscuits, freshly baked.

    Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted Aussie wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

    Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in crumpled posture.

    His aged and withered hand trembled towards a biscuit at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked by his wife with a spatula………….

    ‘F#ck off’ she said, ‘they’re for the funeral.’


  7. 8
    g.brown says:

    “It all started in mumsnet.”


  8. 12
    streamfisher says:

    Now ‘u’ turn over biscuits to add to the list, FFS.


  9. 15
    crumbs says:

    Is Brown Crackers?


  10. 17
    Wright Headley says:

    Gordon Brown ought to pick his fights – its the benchmark of a harmonious existence before the sprawling canvas of death submerges us all.


  11. 29
    Poet LorryAte says:

    This story certainly takes the biscuit.

    Is is, perhaps, the custard cream of outlines of the important events in no10 whereby the nation has watched the nut crunch the economy to wafer thin proportions. He hobnobs with the high and might, the jammy dodger!

    hate him , would rather eat cake


  12. 32
    terrace bar frequenter says:

    I look forward to the new format of question time and the audience continuously ganging up on somebody whilst avoiding real questions and answers on current events.
    Who will it be this week who the audience berate, and how biased can Dumbledum be?


  13. 35
    ceasars wife says:

    have to disagree tunnocks wafers and the new dark chocolate are the bizz but dark chocholate hob nobs (very tricky to locate) are the only thing that stops me from wagnerian thoughts and lifestyle.

    Ruin did a radio interview in bradford , one caller asked him if recession was over , after spitting out a series of 4 iniatives , he said he would like to think so and we may see some growth next year ! . So thats a definitely maybe then , hardly some great outreach of light and comfort .

    the crucial spending review was denied , treasury has put out little more than a small stream of wee , and ruin thought it best parliament should have a massive holiday half hoping figs would be better when they returned .
    i mean hardly what you would define as concern .

    The ruin proclaims he has staved off the depression ! Cw wants to know how can we tell , I mean would it be a depression without the stimulous ?? , does it not really want reframing as i staved off depression using your money to cover up for my wonk socialist ecnomics and just created the longest recession and what looks like a protacted period of less than 2% or possibly 1% growth , with a massive debt that will explode as soon as inflation , devlauation works as other economies come out of recession .

    he said he would re pay the debt in 4 years , yet has not published anything form the month ago he said it , hes just shuffling along . he might be bonkers , certainly knows how to waste money in any weather .

    depends on your view , but i think the 18 months he has wasted (2yrs when election comes round) will be viewd as the actions of ditherer gambling everyones future wealth on a stupid political outcome . i am hacked off that so much money has been wasted on operation sell uk off to the EU with out a vote , let alone some of the vanity projects that have opend and then closed after millions being spent or schools where it costs £30 to change light bulb .

    it doesnt look good for labours entry in the hsitory books , gerry mandered parliament, secret debts in state owned banks , MPs and investagative journalism gagged by stasi legal set up . then theres the whole cast of charctures of the third way (turd way) who were paid to churn out cock waffle to make it all sound normal .

    I just hope charges can be brought , the govt backed debt corpses are located £500bn worth of debt seems a crime in need of a punishment more appropiate than an appology .

    see how PMQs goes ,


  14. 38
    Doc Trough says:

    He is soon to be a mentalman of leisure.


  15. 41
    The Beast of Clerkenwell says:

    Poor Gordon no longer gets to Hobknob with Obama
    Thanks to diversity iniatives he now eats “travellers” creams
    He hasnt had a ginger nut since the death of Robin Cook
    The wheels are coming off his wagon and to top it all the Blairs are about to become the new Bourbon dynasty.
    No wonder the Hoon is so depressed
    He must be eating handfulls of Rennies to help his stressed Digestive system.


    • 45
      Doc Trough says:

      Crumbs, Beast!


    • 48
      Duncan Donuts says:

      Madnelson is a Nice boy.


    • 62
      cant hunter says:

      But one piece of good news; Brown has officially decided to openly press for Blair becoming the EU president. Well we all know, with Browns record, infallible really, in picking winners, how that will end up….cheers Gordy.


      • 98
        filipinomonkey says:

        I suspect the curse of McDoom is now beginning to be understood by the man himself. It’s the only explanation that makes sense…


  16. 42
    Cassandra King says:

    Forget chocolate fingers(you never know where Browns fingers have been) Mr Brown would like us all to buy his new brand of sandwich, life is like a shit(shit = socialism) sandwich the more bread you have the less shit you eat, Mr Brown feels that we should all have the opportunity to taste the shit(socialism) within the sandwich so he is making it his business to withold as much bread as possible from most people so they will have to taste the shit(socialism) more fully(after all thats the essence of socialism isnt it).
    Mr Browns new shit sandwich is 100% shit and no bread, Mmmmmmm very tasty says Mr Brown.


    • 47
      Doc Trough says:

      I’d make a small wager that the member for Winchester will camp out all night to head the queue for Snotty’s Opulent Batons.


  17. 43
    Gordon 2two tablets and a hobknob McMental says:

    Pity me Ino longer get to Hobknob with Obama
    Thanks to diversity iniatives I now eats “travellers” creams
    I havent had had a ginger nut since the death of Robin Cook
    The wheels are coming off m wagon and to top it all the Blairs are about to become the new Bourbon dynasty.
    No wonder im so depressed
    Im eating handfulls of Rennies to help my stressed Digestive system.
    And all this talk of me being a knob jockey reall takes the biscuit



  18. 50
    Popeye says:

    He may not be depressed, but I know he is the cause of my deep depression.
    Roll on the revolution.


    • 93
      Brown in the dumps! says:

      We are all depressed because of Brown and ZaNuLab. A bunch of traitors were elected in 1997 and they have been depressing the country ever since!


  19. 51
    Harsh but Fair says:

    Where’s the Kelly blog on MP’s second homes?

    That’s the best bit of news ALL YEAR

    My useless, hopeless, shallow, impressionable, vindictive etc etc MP will not have to commute or obtain lodgings or stay in an hotel in town (when he’s not on holiday 3 months of the year).

    I guess his wife who earns a bob or two can now start to fund the mortgage for a change rather than sponging off the taxpayer.

    At long last some common sense.

    Being an MP is of civic duty. Not money. Watch how all the power hungry dogs on the Tory 1000 List start to lose interest now there is little gravy left on the table.

    Of course all of this nightmare was forseen in 1964.


  20. 52
    shake your lettuce says:

    What is Brown’s favourite sandwich filling?


  21. 53
    restandbthankful says:

    What with biscuitgate and hobnob gate at the BBC what is the world coming to. Are all the country’s financial woes over, politics cleaned up, mail strike over is it?


  22. 54
    genghiz the kahn says:

    As for the headline in Downing Street News, I can only conclude that the consultant psychiatrist is very good at the job.


  23. 55
  24. 64
    Uncle Joe says:

    You pathetic proles just don’t understand do you? History is what I say it is, not the evidence of your own eyes and ears. Since year zero, things are as the party say they are – all else is counter revolutionary and punishable by death. As I write this, the secret police are raiding Guido’s home to abduct him and take him to the Gulag.


  25. 66
    The cunt of Monte Cristo says:

    Fuck me, is this what they obsess about in the Fuehrer Bunker?
    Fucking refuting biscuit based stories of Gordon’s Huntishness?, great job Gordo.
    When he was a schemin’ and a plannin’ to oust the Blair murderer, who knew he would be at the forefront of a fightback against those Tory scum at Mumsnet? KUUUUUUNT

    It’s immensely refreshing however to see his hoped for ‘Gordo’s saved the TA!’ stories, reading as Gordo U turns on his TA cuts’

    How Gordon and his gang of vermin in the bunker must despise the British military, especially the Army.
    These filth must view the soldiers as cry babies who refuse to toe the line.
    How they must loathe the Tory Generals for wanting 50 million pound heavy lift helicopters, or 1.5 million pound V shaped hull mine protected patrol vehicles.

    Dont those cowards know they are diverting precious financial resources from his clientele?
    The workshy, the scroungers, the morbidly obese halfwits, the forty year olds who ride mobility carts, the ruffian troglodytes who know their rights, but could give two shits about their responsibilities…these are the people the right honourable gentlemen entered politics for.


  26. 67
    Sukyspook says:

    Why, I’d be feeling a little depressed if my:

    “authority” had been undermined with the decision to reverse my proposal to cut £20m off the TA’s budget;

    I’d been exposed for having claimed exe’s I wasn’t entitled to;

    My ‘handler’ Mandy was finally plotting to oust me;

    My nemesis with whom I did ‘the deal’ for the zanuliebore “leadership” was about to be promoted on the EU gravy train above me….

    You’d be depressed too!

    A special message to Gordon from me: IT’S OK TO WALK AWAY GORDON AND REPENT WHILST THERE’S STILL TIME – you don’t want to end up “committing suicide” do you? ? ?


  27. 68
    The cunt of Monte Cristo says:

    Fawksey where do you derive this oft repeated ‘electoral annihilation’ thesis from?

    The Tory’s require an 8.7% poll lead to secure a majority of one seat, so why is a 13 point lead indicative of Labour ‘annihilation’?
    At 13% they will be lucky to gain a maj of 45


  28. 69
    BillyBob poops on ZaNuLab says:

    Hate Crimes…… I fricking hate crime, but these Marxist turds have turned the world upside down, thoughts and words are now the greatest evil, unless of course you happen to be anything other than white British heterosexual……. dishonesty and violence, no problem, no crime!!


  29. 72
    Andre Agassi says:

    Anyone for Crystal Meth?


  30. 75

    Jesus, they can’t let anything go can they? This is the thing with labour – more than being evil, they’re simply THICk. No sense. No political instincts.

    Which once again raises the ugly and scary question: a man as devoid of friends as Gordon, a man as devoid of talents as Gordon, a man as pyschologicaly fucked as Gordon – how did this man become the single candidate for PM? How did he rise to the top of the Labour pile? *WHY* did labour foist Gordon on us?

    And why isnt’ this being investigated?


    • 78
      P1 says:

      Sadly, there’s no-one better than him in the LAbour party – some of them still think he’s the business, and remember that around 20%. of your fellow voters say they will still vote for his gang………………………………


      • 107
        Big Bazongas says:

        27%, actuellement, and they’re all either teachers, civil servants, or single mums with 12 children a piece.


    • 81
      Four eyes says:

      Very good point Frank.


  31. 79
    Sukyspook says:

    ………..and another thing – this can’t be helping the agenda to tax the world for breathing on behalf of the warmongering/terrorizing/bankster/corporate/medical/military/industrial/pharmaceutical complex:


    • 86
      Lettuce C says:

      We’re considered a bottomless pit –



      • 90
        Sukyspook says:

        Ha ha ha, LettuceC – nice one of Sarko on a step to give the ILLUSION of what he plainly isn’t – just like the ‘Wizard of Oz’ – it’s ALL an illusion and all we have to do is pull back the the curtain!!

        Disgusting misuse of French taxpayers money – bottomless pit indeed but as we all know, there’s only one thing that belongs in that ‘pit’ – EVIL.


    • 105
      Thisisthemodernworld says:

      What have you got against medicine and pharmaceuticals?

      Are you some kind of new age crusty who wants to live in the woods and use tree bark to fight cancer, or just some anarcho-lefty-greenist without a fucking clue?


  32. 87
    banana republic watcher says:

    “He would have to be a madman to be happy.” said guido.
    His plan is working, UK on its arse, job done, champers all round, ” hey Tone, gi us a job, beenin I done such a good jobbie an that”.


  33. 91
    BillyBob poops on ZaNuLab says:

    ZaNuLab, all running to Brussels, jumping on the gravy train, Bliar el Presidente, the rest of the odious turds in the various departments, Gordo i/c The World Bank, introducing EU Income Tax….. the nightmare continues.

    Tories left with little more than a Metropolitan Council to run.


    • 108
      Big Bazongas says:

      If you compare the original, Mugabe, with the upstart, Cyclops, you’ll notice that one of them is able to control his thought processes and speak a coherent sentence once in a while.


  34. 95
    Desperate Dan says:

    When he’s sitting around in his nappy with his finger up his nose he likes to suck on a rusk.


  35. 99
    Disco Biscuit says:

    “He would have to be a madman to be happy”



  36. 100
    Moderate Comment says:

    Who’s hijacking my posts?


  37. 109
    Gareth says:

    Biscuit Gate is a nit silly considering all the things going on and how this can garner so much attention. The media is a total mishap, take for example the latest drugs debate. The media hasn’t even bothered to speak to frug addicts or people involved in the use of drugs.


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