Friday Caption Contest (Katherine Jenkins Edition)
LOL-Factor | Harry Cole
Goodwife Brooks Gossiped With the Devil | Standard
Barker: Mad Ministerial Microwaver of Dog Cushions | Scrapbook
Being the ‘Yes’ Man of Europe Has Got Ireland Nowhere | Irish Times
The Battle of 1922 | James Lansdale
Lurch to the Left? | Kirsty Walker
Greek Depositors Withdrew €700 Million Monday | Wall Street Journal
Macrory Off | PR Week
Adam Smith to Testify | Guardian
Britain is Conning the Bond Market | Speccie
SOAS and “Typical Israelis” | The Commentator
Re-moding | Dot Commons
The 1922 Voting Calculations of a Tory MP | Paul Goodman
Irish Referendum – ‘Yes’ is ‘Ticket for Titanic’ | Irish Indy
Lack of Accountability of Anonymous Spokesman | Boing Boing
Simon Hughes Riding Trucker | Crash Bang Wallace
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Gobby livens up the Brooks’ press conference:
“Have you had any messages of support from the Prime Minister?”
The last Quango in Paris says:
Mr Bryant and Mr Watson managing to make the whole hacking affair look like a farce – the more they moan the less I care about the whole subject! So partisan it beggars belief at all costs. They cannot rise above it ! If I was to call the PM a ‘liar’ I would want to be VERY sure.
And then I’ll cup it like this…..
and afterwards I’ll keep my dress in the freezer.
Can’t this prat take a hint?
If he tries to brush up against me again I’ll knee him in the crotch.
Ah! great the’s a hole in my trouser pocket.
Mmmmm
Did he say ‘we’re in the all together’?
No, I said you will be allowed to SACK your MP.
Blogger becomes blatantly partisan for the price of a handshake?
COME HOME WHERE YOU BELONG
Sorry Guido, but today’s effort is more of a craption contest. You’ll feel better once you’ve got over the culture shock of a week oop north.
This was a much better photo to use:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1218897/Gordon-Im-biggest-fan-Mini-Me-actor-Verne-Troyer-finds-new-Dr-Evil.html
Gordon has a hole in his pocket, he’s always fiddling with his pills
PETITION THE BBC !!
Dear Sirs
I am writing to complain bitterly about the BBC’s decision to broadcast an edited version of the Paxman vs Boris Johnson interview this week.
As a tax payer I would have like to have heard Mr Paxman answering Mr Johnsons questions about how much he is paid by the BBC (via taxpayer funds).
It is an absolute disgrace how the BBC see’s fit to limit these types of exchanges in a vain attempt to keep them out of the public limelight.
YOU ARE A DISGRACE.
I wonder if it’s Georgie Osborne fiddling round the back with her zip?
Tories definitely have the best totty!
Boy’s i’m sorry to interupt your fun, but what’s all this about Obama getting the Nobel peace prize,whats he done?
He got erected.
for bringing peace to the middle east, apparently
er, yeah, that makes sense………
With the new humane attack drones
It trumps a “Statesman Of The Year” award x times a million though.
Guys you got that wrong. Peace was brought to the Middle East in 1994. The Nobel institute said so when they awarded their “Peace” prize to Yasser Arafat, Yitzhak Rabin and Shimon Peres.
Barry must be getting it for the peace he is GOING to bring to Afghanistan and Pakistan at the end of a gun barrel or drone or two.
Is it true that the Vatican are putting him forward for Beatification without waiting for the usual details like a few miracles?
he’s made it rain money?
..or even death.
:”…for services to peace and reduction of standing armies…”
Yeah he’s reduced his own by 51 kia since his inauguration in February.
He didn’t nuke Iran. Or Wall St. Or Mars.
But he has bombed the Moon.
Is it ’cause I is black?
Ize not Black, mixed race
I’s WHITE. I only look black.
If you kept up with current affairs, you would know why. Starting, back in January, with his appointment of veteran negotiator George Mitchell as his Middle East envoy (to replace Tony Blair who was George Bush’s so-called Middle East envoy). Then Obama’s acceptance of the scientific arguments about global warming, just in time to save us from the consequences of Bush’s complete ignorance about anything.
There are no scientific arguments about global warming, once you remove the core data that was rigged by the UEA.
You don’t really want to know. You’ll laugh your arse off!
Cooerr, thats enough
….and then all the chaps at Eton shouted…”You can leave your top hat on!…”
O/T but very important! Please sign this petition to back President Vaclav Klaus of the Czech Republic’s brave stand against the Lisbon Treaty:
http://www.petitiononline.com/sptklaus/petition.html
Let’s get a MILLION signatures.
Please god, make this one not just another fantastic dream.
…said Katherine…
please take me up the back passage Dave !
Hey guys, you noticed how these pair of tits are better to look at than those other tits Brown and Mandy!?
Simples!
Are you the new modern compassionate Jesus?
I’m worth £30 Million and I’ve found a very happy gold-digger over here
Woman’s Prayer
—————————–
Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who’s not a creep
One who is handsome, smart and strong. One who loves to listen long.
One who thinks before he speaks. When he says he’ll call, he won’t wait
weeks.
I pray that he is gainfully employed. When I spend his cash, he won’t be
annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door. Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who’ll make love to my mind, Knows what to answer to “How
big is my behind?”
I pray that this man will love me to no end, And never attempt to hit on my
friend.
Amen.
+++++++++++++++++++++
MAN’S PRAYER
—————————–
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store
and a boat.
Amen
Dave: Don’t look now, but someone’s just about to grab your ass.
This is way fun
See a sample here (warning: rude/NSFW):-
Make your own:-
http://www.speechbreaker.co.uk/
Thanks for this find. I am having more fun than I should, I think!
Please, please, please let me kill Gordon Brown.
When I cross my arms like this I can pray to my Lord and rub my nipples at the same time.
Sweet deal!
“Put that Welsh tart down!”
Classic!
It is Python week, after all.
He’s not the messiah, he’s a very naughty tory boy.
got my vote!
Correction.
“Now, leave that Welsh tart alone.”
I would, though!
Cameron: You were one of Nick Clegg’s 30 weren’t you?
I very much doubt it. Have you seen him?
O mio babbino caro,
mi piace è bello, bello;
vo’andare in Porta Rossa
a comperar l’anello!
Sì, sì, ci voglio andare!
e se l’amassi indarno,
andrei sul Ponte Vecchio,
ma per buttarmi in Arno!
Mi struggo e mi tormento!
O Dio, vorrei morir!
Babbo, pietà, pietà!
Babbo, pietà, pietà!
Yer WHAT ? Bleedin foreign Ponce.
it’s Puccini
from an opera called Gianni Schicchi, no not Greta Schacci, settle down, famously sung by Kiri te Kanawa … go find it , it’s beautiful -too good for Cameron or that Jenkins woman!!
Didn’t think that she had recorded it – not sure she hits the right notes in the right order.
DC. “That’s the Welsh votes in the bag.”
O babe
I luv it, it’s beautiful;
I wanna go in the red door
and compare it with your ring!
Yes yes I want to get in there!
and if you were to luv it useless [eh?],
I’d go to the Old Bridge [WTF?]
and toss myself off into the [River] Arno!
I eat myself from lust and molest myself!
O God, I want to die!
Santa Claus, pity, pity!
Santa Claus, pity, pity!
Ah! that makes much more sense!
Please, please analise me!
Oooh, doesn’t she have a dirty look.
Lucky Dave
Since you’re making a willy sign, I’ll make a chuff one!
My cock is being strangely drawn to the left!
“If you’re a slapper and you know it, clap your hands,
If you’re a slapper and you know it, clap your hands,
If you’re a slapper and you know it,
And you really want to show it,
If you’re a slapper and you know it, clap your hands”
Very good, Dave. Were lots of you sopranos at Eton?
“I know..don’t tell me,….Its a mating call of a tit”. No Dave, you are a tit. That was an owl hoot. You don’t your tits from your hooter”
“You call ‘em tits-I call ‘em hooters”
This is no good guido. It’s bloody difficult to think of something funny about Call me Dave. Life is going to be very dull when Gordon, Mandy, Miliboy and the Balls’ go..
No the Tories will have some fools too.
Think about Alan Duncan , Gove – strange looking little man, and there’s going to be fun and games with General Sir Richard Dannatt because his loyalty lies with the Armed Services not the Tories , so expect fireworks there.
No the Tories will give us quite as much to gossip about as Labour – just in a different way.
is it true that Dannat has already moved into Dave’s jacket pocket but won’t start claiming it as expenses for his second home until he’s in the lords?
O/T but what the hell was Blair doing at the Iraq memorial service? They only died because he sent them out there.
Still sorted his pension as a result.
I’m afraid that Gove has always reminded me of ‘Seymour’ in Little Shop of Horrors
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091419
No Gove’s cool, he’s a mate of Dan Hannon and Douglas Carswell, any friend of their’s is ok by me.
Toff n totty.
How come Dave gets all the pussy?
thirty million reasons
Sam, Sam honestly it’s Mandy in his Panto dame costume………. would I lie to you?
oedd yn nad ydych unwaith smackhead?
Katherine Jenkins is a million times better looking and far classier than those shrivelled-up Labour bitches like Mariella Frostrup, Arabella Weir, and Kay Burley.
As for bursted bales like Sarah Brown and Baroness Billingham, the least said the better.
Kay Burley’s a labour bint?
Ah well that’s her off the fuckable list.
Arabella Weir vowed she would leave the country if Boris Johnson became Mayor of London. Has she gone yet or is it another lefty’s broken promise?
who are you?
faint ar gyfer arddull doggy?
Dwy ddim yn gwybod beth yr ydych
yn siarad am
Just to demonstrate what I think of Welsh devolution – I am going to screw this welsh tart like i intend to screw Wales
That’s very nice, but I was hoping for a fat lady.
fucking hell, dave looks old.
really old.
dodgy genes innit, the fucking inbred.
QUIET IN THE DOG END!!
oh fucking hell phyllis, you’re not smoking dog ends again?
you fucking dirty old bag woman.
twat, yes you are.
As they say down your way: You can’t take the cinema out of the usher but you can give the usher an enema.
i cant fink of nuffin funnny
“I had already made up the numbers for the Cabinet but I’m sure I can find you something to do…”
Sing tra byddwch chwythu hyn, ya Cymraeg temptress
Os dydych chi ddim yn medru Cymraeg, cau dy effin ben! Cont.
(a polite request for Geo St to desist from posting mangled Welsh.)
All Welsh sounds mangled to me, and how come, when all those ardent Welsh TV presenters create an out-take moment, they revert from Welsh to swearing away in English?
There are no swear words in Welsh. It is God’s own language.
KINNOCK
There are no swear words in English either, I’m told that they are all Anglo-Saxon!! Mind you, My Aunt Fanny used to swear and always said “excuse my French”.
What is it with all this stupid minority commentary. Try writing in English if you wish to communicate beyond the anally fixated few.
I thought it was in English. Looked at the last three words – “effin ben! Cont”
then realised that “ben” is hebrew for “son”
Cameron “It’s nice to meet a luvvie who isn’t one of scheming Sarah Brown’s twittering cronies”
……… and when I reached the mound…… the view from the summit was AWESOME……
Dave: I suggest this Union comes together…
‘ere Sam, she’s begging for a threesome!
A, pan wyf wedi ei wneud rimming Thatcher gallwch chomp i lawr ar fy cig dyn tra yn canu Men of Harlech
You are John Redwood singing the Welsh National Anthem and I claim my five leeks…
George, please piss off, you are becoming boring.
How Blue was Her Valley.
Winner
How green are my knees – well see, when you are at the summit there is only downhill see
Gordon’s was this big
Beth ydych wedi ei wneud â Richie o’r Manics, rydych yn Doe-Eyed opera warbling gobbler ceiliog?
this is an English speaking site george.
bugger off to some taffy speaking site with all that piffle.
Keep Going George! As they say in Wales – Dim Parcio, cymdiethas adeiladus Bwci fach!!
Mind you they are plastered when they do!!
Could you kindly get rid of this Jesus freak before somebody takes a photograph.
Yes, Katherine, the whole Country’s praying that Gormless Gordon is booted out of office next year.
No – look – honestly guys – it IS Samantha she’s just had her highlights done !!!!
Have a brown star as a prize
So, are you as dirty as that Charlotte Church then?
That’s nothing, Miss Jenkins.
I can fart Tosca after a couple of pints.
She swallows…
…often!
“Don’t worry, after that balls-up with the champagne I’ll make sure they photoshop the bongs out.”
Katherine “Do you know Gordon Brown is a disgusting, one-eyed, lying, piece of shit?”
Cameron “I’ll hum it and you sing it”
Katherine Jenkins thinks the Sun shines from Cam’s arse and unaware that The Sun is up his arse.
“Madamina, il catalogo è questo
Delle belle che amò il padron mio;
un catalogo egli è che ho fatt’io;
Osservate, leggete con me.
In Italia seicento e quaranta;”
F**K the EU language courses.
Check out the translation.
It is an aria about seduction.
Being a xenophobe rely on personal charm and English poetry none of this foreign crap. Works well for me.
not getting you out of this one…
My dear lady, this is a list
Of the beauties my master has loved,
A list which I have compiled.
Observe, read along with me.
In Italy, six hunddred and forty;
In Germany, two hundred and thirty-one;
….
With blondes it is his habit
To praise their kindness;
In brunettes, their faithfulness;
In the very blond, their sweetness.
In winter he likes fat ones.
In summer he likes thin ones.
He calls the tall ones majestic.
The little ones are always charming.
KJ – But Dave how many in Wales. Can I be the first?
Come on, come on! I cannot wait any ronger. Have you no got an election yet?
Hear about the Spanish fireman?
His wife gave birth to twin boys : Jose and Hose B
I’ll chomp on your chump!
So, are you as dirty as that Charlotte Church women?
I know she’s getting a bit chubby but there’s still only one of her!
(Chorus of bloggers: “One of her what?”)
Oh! Nid yw ef yr un marvelous? Bron mor dda fel ein Max Boyce, yn wir,
Nid uyn asd frghrgi ydyych claptrap askd feyhbgfshf bhjsbs qwuj araf titwank.
I Dunno what you said but it’s a hell of a score at Scrabble!
Which word do you not understand? is it Off?
Cameron to assembled throng regarding man to rear of the lovely Katherine…….
“and when I told Eric that we had a Welsh Rarebit coming… he thought it was his lunch…… which explains why he’s on his knees tasting a sample”
Jenkins about to hit Top C.
Sir Will
surely… Jenkins about to hit on a Top C.??
C is a euphemism for marching powder.
marching powder is a euphamism for, er, charlie
charlie is a euphemism for hoon I think
Is that George Osborne stood behind Ms Jenkins?
nah
that’s the man who’s inflating her into life size
Cameron: How would you like to join my government of all the talent?
So that’s a “yes” to the Window Dressing position then?
Stone! no… er, Scissors!
Ydych chi wedi clywed yr un am David Lloyd George knobbing Nye Bevan i lawr pwll tra Tom Jones yn cael dda cyrraedd o gwmpas a felching o Richard Burton????
I get the general gist of that. I could ask my fluent Welsh-speaking wife later, but I don’t think I’d better!
We fluent Welsh speakers wish that George would stop posting his illiterate shite all over this blog.
Seconded – and I do not even speak Welsh.
CJ: “I’ll pray for the country Dave. There’s no telling what damage Brown can do in the next six months!”
DC: “Good idea. Meanwhile, I’ll try to remember the joke about Brown, Mandelson, the Lisbon Treaty and the tight-arsed duck!”
Is it photoshopped?
She seems to have fat plastic slag lighting, and he seems to have raging hypertension – drop dead any second lighting.
They don’t even look the same species.
I think you can tell from a woman’s eyes if they have had sex with a dog. Nuff said..
But some are in deeper than others. Meet my two friends – justin and tintin.
Dave: And beside me Boris Johnson…..
http://newslion.blogspot.com/
“Your place or mine?”
“Sorry Dave, I only like haddock.”
Cameron: “We have a lot in common. I’m a mezzo-Conservative.”
“I hope they Photoshop out this champagne glass.”
smell my finger…
Cameron “I told you what would happen if you pulled my finger!”
Dave: … and the soprano says to the Bishop of Cardiff, ‘Oh, I thought you said “wrecks ‘em”!’
Dave:
‘So I said,come and have a look at the size of my fuckin hill and wots on the other side of it’
Katherine:
‘Coo and wots he say?’
Dave:
‘He called me a chump or summink’
“Champagne. It’s what your right arm’s for.”
Do you fancy doing an E matey.
“Yes, it is rather good, isn’t it? In the spirit of my re-branded, touchy-feely Nu Conservative Party, I hired a disabled black gay hairdresser to do it for me.”
“Nice to meet you” says Forces sweetheart. “And you too”, says Welsh singer.
Dave, please, just one more line…I know you’ve got some Charlie on you.
After being secretly photographed at the Tory conference Dave is very careful not to be seen again holding a glass of champagne.
please dave i need a line right now,
Doesn’t it go something like….
Whales! Whales! Bloody great fish in the sea….?
Er, whales are mammals, not fish. And peanuts aren’t actually nuts at all. They’re legumes. However, Brown is nuts, and certifiably so, too.
However, Bombay Duck actually is a fish.
..and Welsh Rabbit is Cheese, we have Indian Summers (they have Monsoons), Auctions in Holland are just like Auctions in England, the French have found it impracticable to write in any other way than English Letters, most bought (or, as we d’ say ‘boughten’) Cornish Pasties are nothing of the sort… mind you, Denzil went Scilly once – and came back daft!
Are you sure Brown isn’t a vegetable? Maybe a rotting potato?
Brown is a biodegradable substance, and SOON we hope!
“They can’t bloody sing, they can’t bloody xxxx, they can’t bloody play Rugby…”
Look.. If I got Party, The BBC, The Sun and even the Independent to swallow it, then surely you can too?
That is what Peter Mandelson said.
KJ : “It’s not a bad try, but there’s still some powder on your upper lip…”
Dave:
‘Of course I know you. I follow your Twats on the internet’
Kath: Are you really going to do it during the live debate?
David : Yes with this finger right in his good eye!
how is babby formed?
how girl get pragnent?
“So, Silvio, when I take over, I get this one, right?”
And if I win, we’ll get Guido to organize another rave, get mashed on turbo doves and gurn our way through the rest of 2010
is this anything to do with the Sun sipporting the Tories
is it Melinda Onmessenger?
no it’s her sister Marylinda Lozenger
corr…. look at the tits on that
KT “I saw you on the front page of the Sun”
DJ “Are you on page three?”
Cameron – I think I hit the right note.
Katherine – B Flat, wasn’t it?
OT
BBC Announce new Davros for Dr Who.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/picturegalleries/worldnews/6269865/World-Sight-Day-8-October–Over-161-million-people-worldwide-are-visually-impaired.html
She’s not Welsh is she?
She’s not Welsh, now, is she. Get it right.
Is it?
my lovely
She do look Welsh from over by here…
look boyo I really like her welsh valleys
On a clear day you can see right down the Bristol Channel!
When I asked for a Soprano to “rub out” Gordon, I meant one of those chaps of the hit US TV show!
I hope he turns out to be as big as they say he is.
Result! She’s happy to work for less than a tenor.
That’s great love, now do it on your knees……. and don’t forget to wash the dress afterwards.
When asked who did the harder drugs when younger Dave points to Katherine.
OT but I really really would like to [verb] the [noun] of KJ and [another verb] in her delightful [another noun]. In my dreams…
The queue starts back there, pal.
‘Who’d'you think you are, boyo? Aneurin Bevan? See that ring on my finger? It’s gold, pure gold. Know what Nye did to the Doctors? I’ll tell you: he stuffed their mouths with gold, just like I’m going to…’
Female Welsh Bono wishes she had been on the start of our Dave’s speech.
You will not believe this:
http://dailyreferendum.blogspot.com/2009/10/kid-scaring-climate-change-advert.html
That is sick. Do they have an award for facist propaganda yet? What a world the politicians paint.
I’ve had a look at yours-please look at mine
http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/news/benedictbrogan/100008858/speaker-bercow-risks-encouraging-the-ukip-vote/
I’ve got a face – does that make me a facist?
I know, Cara, you’d think that someone who can spell Ivor Schwartzporsche would be able to spell ‘fascist’. I reckon he might be a couple of twigs short of a bundle!
“Oh yes, I’ll let you see that I’m a true blonde”
DC ” And you can tell the taffia the bilingual road sign bollox is history too.”
KJ:
You mean you’re going to delete the English bits?
Now how am I going to rehook my bra?
Sorry Kathryn, I am not Cornelius Fudge, Minister of Magic
OK, you can be the Forces Sweetheart, but I want to play with your Sacred Arias.
‘Poor Communications. “I asked for you to do the introduction to my speech, I said I wanted a boner to get me going”.
Come on, come on! Have you no got a broddy election yet?
DAVE: Roll it nice and tight, Kath, and slip it in Andy Marr’s pocket – and I’ll call the cops. It’ll be a blast!
Cameron announces he will repeal Gordon Browns taxation of Bingo-Wings.
Cameron (sings) “Climb every mountai-ai-ai-ain!”
DC:
Me Cam, you gam, yes?
How about KJ saying simply “Oh God!”
Read that whichever way you fancy.
DC. Well I suppose I am. Woof, Woof.
By this time next year, m’dear, I shall have won the Nobel Peace Prize for change you can believe in.
*Then* you may fellate me.
” Would you like to see the view from my summit ? “
Katherine: “I’ll pray for you, Dave”
Dave: “Thank you my child – would you like some private one-to-one counselling?”
Katherine Jenkins prays that David Cameron doesn’t ask her to have a go singing into his magic invisible microphone….
Katherine Jenkins: David boyo the drugs in Manchester are cheap here isn’t it?
David Cameron: Oh indeed Katherine, we don’t wish to be seen as living lavish in times of recession. Cheap coke is cheap coke.
A Prayer to a misguided Power
Sorry I have no idea who that bird is.
I would though.
Frank – She is of course the 21st Century “Forces Sweetheart” * “Dame”(soon to be no doubt)Katherine Jenkins and you might have to tango with Gethin Jones first.You knew that of course!!!!! I don’t know who the bloke is though !
*Apparently Hayley Westenra says “No she’s not – I am and I am also younger, prettier and a “Kiwi” not Welsh
On a serious note both have visited and do visit British troops in Afghanistan on a regular basis and do work for the British Legion – so fair do’s to both of them
Was this taken from the pilot of the show Gavin and Stacey?
Are you a Welsh rare bit?
As every one knows in Wales, a Welsh rare bit is a Cardiff virgin.
Yes, and a sheep tied to a lamp post is a leisure centre
“What do you say to critics who claim that you are a talentless creation of the marketing industry who has never performed on any of the great stages and that you command no respect from your peer group who regard you as a dilettante and a lightweight?”
Classic.
Funny really given that he’s on the verge of becoming PM while jimmy continues flipping burgers in a back st greasy spoon
You reckon Jimmy’s got a job?
……… and then Boris threw the flower pot and we all ran like fuck!
Hahahahaha.
Very good.
Has my vote so far…
Seconded
Woman with 4 arms talks to man with no opinions.
DC: No, no, no..quantitative easing……it’s about monetary policy
KJ: Oh well, never mind then.
“I’m not just a brainless bimbo you know!”
“Neither am I,” replied Katherine.
You must let me show you my “La Rondine”…
“There’s a headless man behind you about to squeeze your middle”.
It really is this long
“Yes it will be a steep climb. But the view of her peaks will be worth it”
“Last time it was George who got photographed in compromising company like this”
Common(s) man meets Rarebit.
Katherine Says
” Our David, whose destiny was set since the age of eleven,
hallowed be thy name;
thy kingdom come;
thy will be done,
in Parliament as it is in heaven.
Give us this day the release from debt.
And never forgive this labour Government,
as we forgive you for your drug transgressions.
And lead us not into Federalisation;
but deliver us from this evil.
[For thine is the election,
the power, and the glory,
for ever and ever.]
Amen.”
DC. Hums some of Tchaikovsky6th Symphony.
then sings
“I’m on my way to Paris, and my wife’s going to stay at home.”
Pathétique
I thank you.
– was alleged to have been sung by Thomas Beecham, Bt.
…got banned by the BBC, he did: asked if there was anything else he would like to say, he said, ‘Yes, I’d like to say this: Mary had a little watch, she swallowed it one day; and then she took some Beecham’s Pills, to pass the time away.’ Down ‘here they d’ say, ‘Beecham’s Pills, they are a wonder: make ee squit, and furt like thunder!’
Katherine is delighted when she learns Dave can also turn water into wine.
Your singing is great but how about playing the pink oboe?
I keep a welcome in my back alley
“Men of Harlot”
plied y coke
Sorry Dave, but I heard it’s only this big.
“You really should be kneeling young lady”
Dave: Yes, I do like a Welsh rare bit.
Please god, please don’t let him be a fag like the others. How’s a sweet girly like me supposed to sleep her way to the top!
“…Katherine, I might even be able to arrange for you to meet Mr Fawkes!”
Are you sure that you want a date with Alan Duncan?
Dave “I am rather partial to Susan Boyle actually”
Next time you see me with a champagne glass can you shatter it for me with one of your that high “C”s.
OT
But why do all Welsh women turn into fat bitches after they hit 30?
Fucking hell that woman already has bingo wings
Though i’d still condescend to fuck her
David Hasselhoff and Pamela Anderson? Like, Madame Tussauds is SO fucking shit these days.
‘Welsh Rare Bit’ joke reaches unacceptable EU levels in dodgy blog.
Descends to unacceptable levels surely. Or do you only speak Welsh?
Doghi Bloggh is a cousin of mine, look you, isn’t it: you just mind how you talk of him! We might have to set Dai and his little child on you, and, I’m telling you, they’re Dai ‘n’ a mite.
A charming young lady from Wales
Was entranced by Conservative tales
Of how best to dump
The one eyed Scottish chump
Who she knew to be quite off the rails
Dave (in true Manchester style) . . . ‘by eck, lass, ad fair luv to gi thee a grand knobbin . . .’
Katherine . . . ‘only if you ask me in Welsh’
Dave . . . (pointing to groin) . . . ‘mind if I Prestatyn?’
In the style of a mancunian doing a very bad yorkshire accent by the looks of things.
Ah, you wanted contemporary Manc? OK – ‘y’alright? y’wanna shag, like?’
not bad finish though
What is the bloke behind the lovely Miss Jenkis doing?
Thinking “I wouldnt mind giving that Hunt a good hammering”
Then admiring Ms Jenkins butt
218. I refer you to #4. Do keep up.
Sorry mate, must be me that’s Tired and Jaded.
And now, for the minority Welsh audience amongst you -
Dave (yn wir Manchester arddull). . . ‘gan eck, Lass, ad luv teg i gi thi a knobbin mawreddog. . . ‘
Katherine. . . ‘Dim ond os byddwch yn gofyn i mi mewn Cymraeg’
Dave. . . (yn pwyntio i’r groin). . . ‘Meddwl os ydw i’n Prestatyn?’
Peidiwch a galw ni…
Fabwyluus !
tiddwyliog
Have you ever met Jon Redwood? He likes to sing in welsh.
Cameron: “Is Wales in East Anglia”
Katherine: “It used to be, boyo, and we want it back.”
I slip into Wales every weekend.
Welsh Mezzo Soprano shatters Champagne glass held in Tory Leader’s right hand.
She: Have you noticed how all the posters in Guido’s competitions seem to have the humour of 13 year old boys?
He: Humour?
I’m telling Miss…
And you still keep coming back
Just what is it about 13 year old boys that you like the most?
Exactly what I was going to say!
All men have the humour of 13 year old boys.
That’s why us men mature, but women age.
Quite
I post my entry for the competition and other posters get all Freudian. What’s going on here?
talking about boyish humour, have you seen the latest ad by GasServe? – it’s a short bit of the ‘beans scene’ from Blazzing Saddles – the logo is ‘ don’t mix gas and cowboys’ – they’ve thoroughly ruined one of the greatest comedy movie scenes ever
‘Anyone that can come up with a logical explanation of Socialism wins a night with KJ. For anyone that can’t,we cut their benefits to zero.’
Socialism means me first. When do I get to bed the luscious lady ?
Socialism means ‘we’re in this together’.
9 o’clock…
and bring a friend..
Do you have one in black?
Katherine Jenkins gives me the horn.
Katherine to Cameron
“Do you think ‘Time to say Goodbye’ would be an appropriate song to sing to gordon on Election night?”
Happy finish for a tenor mister David
“there’s more chance of a camel toe going through the eye of a needle than a euro referendum. I mean camel. Oh did I make a boob. I mean, er, what was the question again?
Cameron to Osborne
“Peace Prize?
I wouldn’t mind a piece of THAT!”
Please, please, please when you get to be PM, can you change the law back so we can prosecute Blair over FMD?
I’d love to cymru all over your knockers
Yes! +++Claps++
I always thought it was pronounced “cnuts”. Certainly is round here.
I see you have got the claps.
Katherin Jenkins confirms everybodies suspicions about blondes by starting to sing without realising she wasn’t even holding a microphone.
You can’t even spell her name correctly.
Give me a brunette any day – blondes are like Brown – a pain in the butt with little charisma and no enjoyment.Dumb I suppose.
Stop looking at my lego-hair you purple tart
I believe they were trying to hit an Afghan wedding party but missed
Nasa ‘bombs’ the moon
http://uk.news.yahoo.com/4/20091009/twl-nasa-bombs-the-moon-41f21e0.html
Very good!
Taliban claims 18 baby ducks were killed in this attack on an Islamic symbol.
Oh Tony!
Shall we say a prayer before we fuck?
You will never beat young George at musical chairs
I may be married but I would so tap that
Saw Jenkins on a plane once. She looked not very pretty without any slap on…
In terms of caption: Katherine Jenkins says to herself. Thank God I wasn’t on last week….
Dear god, plase tell me this is a joke, this prick as our next PM?
Katherine does a bellydance for Superdave
While you’re praying Katherine, why don’t you go down on your knees. There’s a good girl!
Oh Dave, I just love it when you do your Peter Mandelson impression
“….of course, as Deputy Prime Minister, you wouldn’t actually have DO anything”
unless it is on your knees
“My name is actually Kevin and I’m an airline pilot. – Can I get you another drink?
Guido, don’t pick on Katherine Jenkins, she is from my home town!
Cameron: “And you’d be … let me guess … Melinda Messinger?”
O/T Rowen Williams tells congregation ‘devil had a hand in starting iraq war-Blair in audience
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/andrewbrown/2009/oct/09/religion-anglicanism1
Welsh midget lifted up by mysterious man meets Tory Leader.
After David Cameron got elected he insisted on everyone calling him Dave.
Coming back late from the knees-up after celebrating his election he made a great noise trying to get into his house.
“Is that you Dave?” shouted his wife down the stairs.
“Certainly not”, he replied drunkenly, “it’s the Prime Minister!”
“Well, come on up quick then, we’ve only got a few minutes before Dave comes back from the pub.”
“Is Aida all that fascinating?”
it’s not rugbee is it?
Police statement: “We can confirm that Mrs Cameron was taken into police custody at 5pm but she has declined to answer any questions as to the whereabouts of Miss Jenkins until she has spoken to her lawyer.”
“Sorry Katherine, you can beg all you like, you’re not having my dealer’s phone number.”
Cameron: …then you lick the end like this.
Jenkins: Thank you so much for the blow job lessons, Dave!
Dave;” I hope nobody’s noticed that I’ve forgotten the microphone!”
or:
Katherine; “My hero !”(swoon)
Dave: An once I have won the election, I ‘ll roger you senseless on the cabinet room table.
Jenkins: (for ’tis she) Oooo! I can hardly wait look you
I’m going to give her a messy facial.
And then I’m going to analise her.
In that order.
Ahh – I see Gordon is online.
Sarah – did you know your grotty husband is in the cabinet room pretending to be looking at the latest unemployment figures but is really watching a porn film called “3 million and Hunting”.
KJ: I’m really worried, every time I close my hands like this I can hear Tom Jones singing
DC: It’s not unusual!
Dave; ” I know a “dead cert” when I see one ! AND that’s why I’m gonna be the next Prime Minister – Gordon “
Nothing witty to say, but fuck me I would slip her a crippler! You’d have to fucking dig me out! I’d be stuck in lick a tick!
Got it? She is fucking awesome.
and what about the woman?
Doesn’t she just look gorgeous
Both are better looking than Susan Boyle and Gordon Brown.
… and, equally, both edge past John Prescott, Lord Rennard, and Bessy Braddock.
Get your coat ….you’ve pulled
Please Dave, don’t Tax me at 50p in the £
Cut.
I wouldn’t do the NuLab talk. Evans the Hack says half of ‘em have got the Llap – Goch
Dave Cameron “I’ll be JFK and you can be Marilyn Monroe.”
Katherine Jenkins (very excitedly) “Can I sing you happy birthday?”
Dave Cameron “I’ll be JFK and you can be Marilyn Monroe.”
Katherine Jenkins (very excitedly) “Can I sing you happy birthday as well?”
Dave..”Will you give me a BJ?”
Catherine..”Sure..as long as you don’t damage my tonsils”
[kath, for it is she..] “Fucking excellent news !! Your going to legalise coke !! “
[camera-on] “Do you know I want to put my warm erect penis inside your soft, moist vagina ?”
[jenkins] “No, but if you hum it, I will sing it for you..”
Life’s better under a Conservative.
[jenkins] “Yes !! You mean the Audi keyring is yours ?? ”
[cameron] “That’s right, Osborne has a Bentley..”
Cameron tells Tory hanger on that he is going to f*ck the poor so hard that their teeth will drop out!
Wow, Berluscameroni is it?
After A Couple Of Glasses Of Champers Cameron Thinks Ann Widdecombe Is Worth One !
That is actually funnier than 99% of the entries on this caption contest…
“This finger will make you hit the high notes…..”
Yes, Daffyd – you boy, you: we Welshwomen all have hairy forearms! So good to stroke with. I could show you… even softer, hairier things![Look you, isn't it...]
Two products of the PR industry meet.
“You can pray for policies as much as you like, but I haven’t got any”
Oh no. He’s gone red in the face again. Hope he’s not ill like the PM. Maybe I should recommend some of my opaque foundation for public appearances?
Come on God.PLEASE.Strike this fucker down with a lightening bolt before he gets in power.I promise I’ll never swallow again if you do.
Dave “So then I said to Silvio, when I am Prime Minister, I won’t need my own media empire, or to pay for pretty female company”.
Katherine “It might be worth you getting the contact details for his hair transplant clinic though”.
BREAKING NEWS:
Guido Fawkes denies photoshopping out Tory Leader’s champagne glass
Oh Dave, i’m so happy that you finally gave up the fags ( after you were caught still smoking ). But I must say, yourre piled the pounds since then.
You see, at lunch time today, doin me registers – she looked OK. Now, after 8 pints of Guinness – nowt fucking special.
Lordy but she is gorgeous!!!
…just unfortunate that her singing sound like someone gargling Blancmange.
‘sounds’ – or to be in character ‘d’sound…’
If Lord Ashcroft squeezes just a bit harder you can hit a top A
“Look into my eyes……and when I click my fingers, your hands will become unstuck, your fingernails will resume their normal colour and you will no longer grin like a wanking Jap”
Honest Kat, it really is THIS LONG!!
I’m praying you won’t scrap the Barnett formula
Don’t worry KJ we Celts are all in it together,That’s why we won’t have a referendum, look at my name I’m as Scotish as Tony Bliar
Our Forehead.
Which nearly reaches Heaven.
Hollow be thy name.
Thy election come.
Thy voters are dumb.
On Earth, here in Region Seven.
Give us this day your massive head
And forgive us for saying ‘No’ to Europe
As we forgive Europe for saying ‘Get stuffed’ to us.
And deliver us from Labour.
For thine is the Untied Kingdom,
The poor and the loony.
For ever and ever.
Omen.
quality
KJ: Is Gordon Brown mental ?
DC: Yes.
With a deft slap Kathleen squished the nasty little insect that had been bothering Dave.
STOP PRESS – Vacancy for Mayor of London announced
and….so I told him straight Kat, do you know you have dropped cake on the carpet?
Are You Sure Your Not English ? All The Welsh Woman I’ve Seen Are Toothless Old Crones Wearing Bearskins !
Are You Sure Your A tennor ? I Thought you’d Be At Least £150 ?
OR..have you heard this one Kat….
There once was a man from Brighton
Who said to his girl, “You’re a tight one.”
She said, “Pardon my soul,
but you’re in the wrong hole.
There’s plenty of room in the right one.”
bum bum!
And…this one always gets a laugh at conference Kat…
There was a young man named Mandel,
who caused quite a neighborhood scandal,
by coming out bare,
in the main village square,
and penetrating himself with a lit candle.
There was a young woman from Cores
who’s c*nt was all covered in sores
the dogs in the street wouldn’t eat the green meat
that hung in festoons from her drawers
there was a young man from australia
who painted his arse like a dahlia
threepence a smell was going quite well
but sixpence a lick was a failure
Im Good For About One Hundred Beats Per Minute !
Well I Usually Play With My Double Crotche !
Gufferrrr !
Oh Please Mr Clinton…….
Ive Always Wanter A Good Relationship With The Welsh !
So If You Dont Mind Ill Start With You !
Listen Mr Blair Not all Blonds Are Stupid you Know !
Didn’t I meet you at a Sunrise in the ’80s?
Got any bumbles? (That is faux Cockerney rhyming slang you know, bumble bees = ‘e’s.)
*gets coat*
I wish I could get the lovely Katherine Jenkins to look at me like that.
“I’m Praying for you Dave!” ” Don’t worry I will wing it, just watch me go on the televised debate……. (don’t forgat Dave is the one with the hat!)………
…..and I am taking fist thumping lessons from Farage!”
As you find your way
Through this life you make
I hope you live each day
For all it’s worth
I will pray for you
Go where your heart leads
And dream your biggest dreams
All of these things
I will pray for you
I will pray for you
I will pray for you
Through every darkness
Through every light
This road ahead of you
I cannot carry you
But I can promise
I will pray for you
Oh god please don’t let him be as bad as the idiot in number 10.
I find it SO difficult to break wind to order but…Yes, Yes,Yes, it’s coming , it’s coming, it’s………………………….
CMD: Have you ever had fluid on your lungs?
CJ : No
CMD:Would you like some?