Twittery Today : Prezza / FCO Edition
Guido is starting a new occasional blog feature highlighting some of the idiocy that appears on Twitter. If you find any examples, please email them to twitter@order-order.com.
Email ‘em, don’t Tweet ‘em, please…
@foreignoffice Opium cultivation, production and prices are down according to @UNODC report
Why, if you are trying to eradicate supply in Afghanistan, proudly boast that opium supplies are cheaper? Is that supposed to be a success?
@John Prescott If Adam Boulton insisted empty chairing every politician he asked on his show he’d need to do a deal with Ikea!
Boulton would need only one empty chair. Once filled, it would by definition no longer be an “empty chair”. Back of the maths class Professor Prezza, doh!
What people are saying about Gordon Brown…
“Exclusive Gordon Brown interview on Olympics – BUT will he answer any questions.”
“@GiveThemAVoice Ed Balls and Goldie have been on tv officially launching the #helpgivethemavoice social worker recruitment campaign.”
Vomit inducing pinko claptrap
“The PM promised more support for troops in Afghanistan as he visited Helmand Province yesterday”
Yeah right.
DowningStreet twatty bollocks
There is now something far better than Twitter on the market …
iWank
The definitive communication application for all politicians for the twenty first century.
MP’s like Ed Balls are earning hundred of pounds using Wank, shoehorning tens of thousands of voters into being ready to support Labour at a moments notice. The famed Damian McBride has called Wank “a weapon” What do these elite members know that you don’t?
What’s it worth to be able to instantly move tens of thousands of Tory voters to your fake opinion polls? Literally you can wank a link and get a few hundred hits within the minute – something that even Twatter cannot do!
Read some of our testimonials:
I swear by Wanking now. Even my wife indulges in it nowadays
Dave, from Witney
I used to be a confirmed Twitter. Now I am pleased to say that I Wank all the time instead.
John, from Hull
I’m not sure what Wanking is, or how to do it. But I can say that I do it all the time now.
Gordon, somewhere in Afghanistan
I Wank to Yvette and she does it to me, but only at weekends
Ed, from Normanton
Come on – we all want cheap smack. Get a grip man!
Have you seen that Labour have appointed a “Twitter Tsar”? Kerry McCarthy was appointed by Li’l Doogie Alexander.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/8205081.stm
“Ms McCarthy said she will be building on the “preparatory work” carried out by Derek Draper, who was forced to quit as Labour’s unpaid adviser on internet campaigning after he was accused by Tory blogger Guido Fawkes of being involved in an e-mail plot to smear senior Conservatives.”
Kerry McCarthy – she looks as if she’s been hit in the face with a shovel.
She certainly deserves to be.
Oh come on, that’s uncalled for…
A pickaxe would do far more damage.
More McCarthyism -didn’t we see enough of that in America in the 50s?
This is great and we should get it trending. People, search the hashtag #prezzalovespies or click: http://twitter.com/#search?q=%23prezzalovespies
Sir twitter is useless and inflates ones ego higher than it should be
I must be as thick as Prezza.
I reckon if two politicians didn’t turn up, two empty chairs would be required.
If no one reads their pathetic twitterings does the sound of a politician’s ego deflating make a noise?
I think you’re copying my Tweet Extra that I do every now and again Guido
Who are you?
But doesn’t it stand to reason that a twitterer is a twit?
or a twat?
I would like to suggest your own tweet to go in your idiotic tweets feature. “i hate twitter it’s useless but i’m going to do a regular feature on my blog about it”. genius.
Similar to Guido’s attitude to the Labour Party.
I don’t think Guido should criticise the Foreign Office for telling the truth. I also question whether superimposing Prescott’s arse on an IKEA chair would be a sound idea outside the world of slapstick comedy.
Mr fawkes look at the quote from Mr Brown on the sky news ticker bar , Makes no sense to me ?
Nothing that mincer says makes any sense.
Stephen Fry says……….Hi.
Even a babel fish can’t translate his jockanese grunting
Stephen Fry says…………Bye.
Yeah, and Hattie’s got her lot coming on too.
She’ll be the LayBa Leader.
See that bird wiv the big tits? – didya? . . . . didya? . .. Phwoor!
Got a pie? . . . pasty? . . . sandwich?
Mr Brown ; Now is not the time for disscusion of tv debate , but am happy to debate the issues
@John Prescott If Adam Boulton insisted empty chairing every politician he asked on his show he’d need to do a deal with Ikea!
I wonder how hard Prescott had to think before he came to that conclusion?
“Cor lu’mme Number One” … that’s at least a 6 pie equation …
Twitter was already struggling to live up to the hype then along came the worst advertising slogan in the world to kill it stone dead: “All you young people. Be like Gordon and the Labour Party and use Twitter.”
The Queen twitters doesn’t she? Adds a bit of class don’t ye know.
I see that Gordon Brown was in Birmingham yesterday and a job launch. I don’t suppose he bothered to go a few miles across town to visit the soldiers in the hospital at RCDM Selly Oak. I don’t suppose he has ever visited the injured in hospital to see how they are doing. But then he would not have the BOTTLE to do so as we know he is famous as a bottler.
Guido: You need to pose the question as an article on your BLOG!!
Blackadder: Right Prezzer, let’s try again shall we? This is called adding. If I have two pies, and then I add two more pies, what do I have?
Prezzer: Some pies.
Blackadder: Yes… and no. Let’s try again shall we? I have two pies, then I add two more pies. What does that make?
Prezzer: A big fuckin pie.
Blackadder: Prezzer, the ape creatures of the Indus have mastered this. Now try again. One, two, three, four. So how many are there?
Prezzer: Three.
Blackadder: What?
Prezzer: …and that one.
Blackadder: Three and that one. So if I add that one to the three what will I have?
Prezzer: Oh. Some pies.
Blackadder: Yes. To you Prezzer, the Renaissance was just something that happened to other people, wasn’t it?
Ah moi deario . . you can’t beat the oldun’s can you!?
Well, may be Kinnochio . . the Welsh Windbag,
Prescott is a middle class fat bastard, the type who holds court in working man’s clubs
Prescott might have money but he’s about as middle class as Vicky Pollard.
Yeah, but money doesn’t buy taste, does it.
Middle Class? I thought he was more of your rough diamond, down to earth honest to goodness, pigeon fancying, down the shed big mug of hot tea loving, vegetables on the allotment growing, straight as a die, god fearing, socialist labour through and through, decent sort of a hard working, frugal kind of a guy. Isn’t he?
No ! Lard Arsed Troughing Scumbag Will Do Thanks !
I travelled on the same train as him to Manchester some years ago, he went First Class so asked him if he would like to ride with those of us who pay for their tickets, he ignored me. I think he was in a hurry to get tucked into those 4 pies.
He invented twittering he should sue the bastards that stole his idea.
Prezza actually deigned to travel as far as Manchester by train ? … Fook my Granny’s tall hat !!
I know someone in the know, locally who tells me that he used to be seen getting on the train at Hull Paragon Station .. would travel 2 stops .. then get off and into the Ministerial car, which would be pre-positioned and waiting for him ..
John Prescott is great: he gives right-wingers something to get their teeth into. His tweets and blog are so unsophisticated and inane, it’s rather sweet.
I’ve heard from people that have met him that he’s a horrible man. I know someone whose Dad had to guard him during the 2001. After he punched that protester, all the police officers had to work round the clock to keep him safe. At the end of it all, with Labour safely returned to power, he rewarded them all with…. a copy of his autobiography!
Alan Sugar is a stupid man. (I just put that in there to highlight the ridiculousness of the libel laws in Britain. Luckily I live in the USA — which protects free speech with a First Amendment — so he can’t threaten me.)
…the police officers had to work round the clock to keep him safe….
He must have been very unpopular then. And even more so when they got their copy of his book. They’d have been better off working round the clock to keep US safe.
Prezza handing out his autobiography to the police officers didn’t go down well. Apparently, they were all utterly flabbergasted.
come off it mate. NuBritain police and Prescott, two cheeks of the same arse.
My brother in law once worked as a waiter in the House of Commons and he said seeing Prescott eat was revolting, but I’m assured every meal Prezza had always had a little extra.
Give Prescott a couple of meat pies and he’s anybodys.
Rossetti, have you been playing around again? Saw you on the tele last week, your wife had just died under mysterious circumstances, but no sooner had you laid her to rest than you were off with another little floozy! May report you to the brotherhood unless you pull your sox up.
Leave Prezza(Two Khazies) alone.
He is mightily midjudged.Let me tell you that after
the horific Tsunami 2005 he genourously donated
his string vest to the Bangladeshi nation. It was
used as netting to refit their fishing fleet.
I was just stocking up. Lov ‘em fish pies!
Why did Matthew D’Ancona get the boot?
Hmmm….wishy-washy editorials? Boring lifestyle supplements? Still no decent film critic and an old misery of a music critic? General odour of oldfartiness about the Speccie? Could make a lot more money elsewhere?
Prescott is the most stupid man ever to sit in Parliament. A deluded, guttonous, illiterate and inarticulate egocentric with a massive chip on his shoulder. An utter chav who has long been a total embarrasment to Britain.
He was a Bar Steward, you know.
Anuzza scotch on thu rocks, stewud. (Hic)
What do you mean was.
And that chip is leftover from one of his chip and viagra butties. He’s saving it for when he runs out of pies
If he could only get that GYNORMOUS chip off his shoulder, then he could eat it!
Boring boring.
Some financials that I predict will rise today when the Wall St. opens.
Play the near term options to make ~50% today.
Regards,
Tom
Just made 55% in BAC Sept $17 calls in 7 minutes.
Sky could borrow the chair left empty when Roy Hattersley failed to show up for Have I Got News For You. I don’t forsee a run on Ikea chairs, John.
Famously Hattersley was replaced on the show by a lump of lard placed on the desk. Even more famously it was funnier than Hattersley ever could be.
If Brown no shows what do you think Sky would place on the empty chair? Maybe a copy of “Courage”?
This is a brilliant idea! I hope it gains traction.
No Need For The Tub Of Lard Though ,Just An Extra Large Chair For “Two Arse” To Park His Lump On, But Then Prescott Would At Least Have Ample Bottle To Turn Up Not Like His Spineless Boss !
Twas rather a long time ago wasn’t it?
You don’t think the BBC keep chairs for several years do you?
“The Big Red Book of Labour Lies” and a spinning top
A jellyfish
A rubber model of a human backbone painted yellow
A bottle (empty)
An eyepatch
………..
That would be an empty bottle of Courage beer
I think traditionalists like me would go for the ubiquitous carrier bag with two bricks inside and some empty beer cans over the top. Sums the Great Man up and in his own words too.
Cyclops
Right . . . and with thoughts of the coming election – even tho we already know the result, – Gorgon has asked me to put together a Male Grooming Package.
Here are the first details:
Benefit Claim Forms
Blackberry to receive Noos from Gorgon and Al_Ja_Beeba
Free PC and comms stuff
Free copy of “There’s no need to be a man in Gorgon’s Socialist Paradise”
Cans of “Gorgon’s Goollies” – a male deodrunt
Hattie is working on similar for her Harlots
Meanwhile looks like Chelsea FC have made a boob
Pray Tell ??????
They have been banned from buying plyers to 2011
That’ll leave a lot of DIY jobs they can’t do then.
It can’t just be any old chair. It has to be a chair that represents the very essence of Gordon Brown. A worn flea-bitten chair covered in unslightly stains with the stuffing hanging out.
o/t now you all know why is was swanning around with larry ellison…….
they love y’know,rich people
http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/4ad6266e-987c-11de-807a-00144feabdc0.html?nclick_check=1
No Deal = No Sun Microsystems.
A great article on ‘The Golden Generations’ to do with WW2 and Afghainstan. Well worth a read from an up-and-coming young blogger!
http://ddtaylor88.wordpress.com/
Multi millionaire, bully, adulterer and unsuccessful bulimic John “two jags” Prescott?
The one who charged the taxpayer to have mock Tudor beams on his house?
He who solely keeps a certain toilet seat manufacturer in business?
The Professor of Western White Man Made Climate Change at Beijing University?
Oh.
If Labour knew that his appeal to the white working class is well & truly over they would see him for the absolute liability he his.
But they don’t. Good.
To be fair to Prezza, if you could guarantee that the chair would be left empty, then an Ikea one might actually be up to the job.
Eastfield High school for boys was shit.
re. opium prices
http://defenceoftherealm.blogspot.com/2009/09/hard-times.html
useless fco
It’s official, OECD today says UK is biggest shithole. Must have been all that quantitative easing for the banksters in the City has reamed the common people. Keep up the sidetracking Fawkes.
I think suggesting that a new chair would be required for each refusal is exactly the kind of thinking this government uses when spending our money.
They would probably pay for a warehouse to keep them all in too, with security, insurance etc…
Got some from a Labour candidate, I’ll email them later.
The demand for heroin has remained stable for decades. How with stable demand and an apparently reducing supply have prices fallen as well? A restriction in supply would mean an increase in prices, not a decrease.
I suspect the FCO is lying to us.
your still fucked!
BUT – he would need two empty chairs if Prescott was invited and declined – have you seen the size of his arse?
Not sure Ikea chairs would be strong enough either for that fat twat.
[...] Guido politely asks on his blog: “Why, if you are trying to eradicate supply in Afghanistan, proudly boast that [...]
[...] Guido politely asks on his blog: “Why, if you are trying to eradicate supply in Afghanistan, proudly boast that [...]