Friday Caption Competition
A copy of The Big Red Book of New Labour Sleaze is the prize for the wittiest caption entry. Note, that is “witty”, not “obvious”…
The Iranian Model is Hitler | Lawrence J. Haas
No.10′s Andrew Cooper Should Look at this Poll | Douglas Carswell
Livingstone Has Form on Homophobia | ConservativeHome
Investors HBack Over RBS Meddling | CityAM
Riddled With It | Pink News
I Went Mad in the Seventies | Ken
Guy Newsroom Splits | Indy
Polly’s Voodoo Polling | UK Polling Report
Labour SpAd Backs the Bill | Mark Wallace
Guido Goes for the Lobby | Press Gazette
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Max Clifford says…
“Most people want to read nasty things about people, not nice things.”
DisgustedOfMitcham2 says:
Maybe if they really wanted to “decontaminate the Labour brand” with business people, they shouldn’t have totally buggered up the economy?
Just a thought.
Balls tests out some new salutes for emperor mandy
Sieg Heil!
Is it the big red book with this cover?
And I tell ya here I were waving a red flag outside cuffing tory conference
OT but I see Brown is now claiming he wrote a letter to the Libyans asking them to “act with sensitivity”. Bearing in mind the infamous Brown jinx can we really be surprised that they did the opposite?
Balls making a fist of economic policy
Balls: Hey Peter! How’s the arsehole?
Mandelson: He’s still on holiday.
Giving his famous Darth Vader impression, the schools Minsiter jokingly shows how to trim his fingernails with a light sabre
It’s obvious I’ve got a big one.
I reckon it’s -
“I think it’s THIS big, but Yvette says it’s less than this…”
“Now all! Once again, this is how to fuck the electorate.
Oh no, Pete’s in hospital?
this is how i do the wife so i dont have to look at her face
that was what i going to say dammit.
ROFLAMO – That was ace!!!!!!!!
My goodness, the double bass position (as it was called at the old school).
Clearly a case of premature ejaculation at the thought of his absent
“Darling”.
Quality
The winner
Squeeze my balls then pull my knob
…. and this is how I would steer the economy
I told you that the strings would be invisible
Mr Balls fails to notice that his dancing partner has waltzed off.
Ed Balls demonstrates how he wrestled vice presidential hopeful Sarah Pallin to the ground BEFORE realising she was a dinner guest and not a run-away moose
Quick Darling, get the measuring tape I’m in the mood for another bid whopper.
Gordon enjoyed wearing his gift fron J.K Rowling.
Very good!
one of my faves
He was less happy as the invisibilty potion wore off.
He doesn’t look that unhappy though Cromwell.
A bit thoughtful, as if its just occurred to him that he will have to do return the favour.
Ed demonstrating how he’s going to fight off dave’s decapitation strategy.
“I’m a little stiff from Badminton”
He’s a big stiff from Donnington
Wasted on the younger generation, Sir W.
Mine is bigger than yours.
This should reach Peter’s prostate.
And I held Mandys hair like this as I rammed the strap on rampant rabbit deep into his anus
I’m feeling a little kweer.
That’s what Mandy’s surgeon must be thinking right now…..
“so anyway there I was on the M25, steering wheel in one hand and hanging on to Gordons hair with the other…”
HEYYYYY, Macarena……!
I’m a take a poo-poo when I hear you, Macarena
Hey, Macarena!
…it didn’t take the nuLab charades team long to work out that Blinky had drawn ‘Dolly’ out of the clues bucket.
” A what ‘old?” slurred Lawd Foookes as Stewie explained and yet anotherLaphroaig made it’s way slowly down his waistcoat.
My Peter has been caught in the slips.
Sorry, my penis has been caught in the zip.
“I got hold of me missus and tried to whip her round for a howsyerfarther but she said, ‘the Laddie’s not for turning’.”
Mr Balls tries to work out how to hold Mr Bat correctly
The Education Secretary today celebrated the amazing results achieved by students taking his new A Level subject of “walking and talking at the same time”.
“It was a fabntastic result” he said. “If it hadnt been for Gordons little accident in the practical we might have reached 100% of students at Grade A. Still, there’s always next year and witha new leader, who knows where we can go”
No balls
“Its fun to be at the Y M C A”
Ed describes the moment he found out about Peter’s enlarged prostate.
This Tai chi stuff is bollocks
“I told him I was a Doctor looking for prostate trouble then I got in right up to the elbow here”
It’s just a jump to the left, And then a step to the right, With your hands on your hips, You bring your knees in tight But it’s the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane, Let’s do the Time Warp again!
“…and that’s how I make yet another U-TURN on another policy”
Without the twin distractions of Yvette and baseball the minister strokes were quickly albeit highly publically achieved.
…and I grabbed his hair and rammed my 2 incher deep within his shitter. i didn’t even touch his prostate.
I’m a wanker, I’m a wanker, I’m a wanker.
I look like a little girl livin’ in a big man’s world
A lot of men have come my way.
Thinking that I’m easy prey
You won’t cage me in, just stick around, see the fun begin
I’m a wanker, I’m a wanker, I’m a wanker.
(sorry Lulu – had to be done)
“I’m not just a arrogant, aristocrat and a weed of a politician…I’m also a ****”
“Hey you, peasant over there, come and suck my cock.”
I’m down wif da kidz
Happily, it’s not my nose that gets bigger every time I tell a lie.
Ed demonstrates new self defence tactics for teachers.
that big, really! would i lie to you.
Isn’t this what Julian Clary said that he had done to Norman Lamont? Well I’ve done it to Mandy now!
The Lone Deranger gallops home after successfully steering the New Labour herd…
Ed Balls practices holding up the Chancellor’s briefcase on Budget Day, little suspecting the huge disappointment that was to follow.
Zing!
Ed’s attempt at a charade for ‘Donkey Kong’ met with blank stares.
Finally the BBC reveal the fifth Teletubby
And this is how the surgeon will put the catheter into Lord Mandelson’s nob.
So lets get this right, whoever wins this game of knuckles gets to be PM for the week.
All together now, lets sing:
“I’ve got no strings
So I have fun
I’m not tied up to anyone
They’ve got strings
But you can see
There are no strings on me”
Ricky Gervaise – “OK, I’ll do the dance one last time”.
That made oi chortle!
Isn’t it strange how flipping a second home looks exactly like screwing the taxpayer?
Up sh!t creek without a paddle.
And even though I’d gone in this deep, Mandy still cried “Further”.
Peter you be Zachary Smith and I’ll be Robbie The Robot
Dr Smith.. Dr { Jaqui} Smith.. Danger Danger. Run Nick Robinson, run.
Look at the size of my portfolio!
A complete and utter male chicken
The minister demonstrates how to increase quantitive easing
So once Gordon’s trousers are down, I grab his collar – so – and…….
Dear All
Ed balls shows how he walked out the hospital after getting the same treatment Mandelson is currentlt getting!
Yours sincerely
George Laird
The Campaign for Human Rights at Glasgow University
Dear All
Balls demands fight with Tory retards citing he doesn’t need a guard!
Yours sincerely
George Laird
The Campaign for Human Rights at Glasgow University
but george, you are a retard!
look in the mirror for fucks sake.
what a fucking c’unt.
“Oi Mandy, grap the other end of this pipe cleaner”!
Oops – I meant GRAB!!
“Rhymes with ‘Soaring’ first word. Clue; Your money my plughole”
Dear All
Balls shows the correct way to satisfy a donkey with getting your shirt in a mess!
Yours sincerely
George Laird
The Campaign for Human Rights at Glasgow University
Dear All
Balls demos new government tactics to save bullets and win in Afganistan, do them up the deaf and dumb!
Yours sincerely
George Laird
The Campaign for Human Rights at Glasgow University
Dear All
Ed Balls practises being a robot when Mandelson becomes PM.
Yours sincerely
George Laird
The Campaign for Human Rights at Glasgow University
George – these are blog comments there is no need to write Dear …. and sign ‘em. Stop it. You are wasting pixels.
some people are never happy, you do your best but there is always someone!
At last, Guido.
Is there a prize for the dumbest comment Mr Fawkes?
You hoping you’ve got it then, Georgy boy?
no george, there is no prize for the dumbest comment but there is a
‘thick as thievesTM’ sponsored ‘spastic of the week’ award.
and you have just won it.
very well done.
I will send your certificate forthwith: all I need to know is the name of the ward you are currently being detained on.
You did say wittiest Guido didn’t you?
Not much choice so far.
What do you expect at these prices?
I’m a friends of yours, I believe?
Dear All
Ed Balls to deliver new strategy for unemployed throw them off multi storey blocks of flats.
Yours sincerely
George Laird
The Campaign for Human Rights at Glasgow University
I’M off!
I reckon you’ve probably been off for years!
“This is me driving the invisible truck, that I’m going to run Darling down with, its the only way I can become chancellor”.
Balls says
“CROquet!…croquet!….Wheres the clever dick with the stick?
i say you must give peter a little tickle behind the ear before you can play with his prostate
“Look Gordon, Look! I’m weilding economic levers!!
Can I be chancellor now?”
Cabinet minister’s tribute to Michael Jackson’s moonwalk backfires, when its Ed Balls and he inevitably just looks a twat.
Heeeeyyyyyyyyy Macarena!
I’ll kill you!!!
Great minds and all that…
Is that the garden of No. 11?
Does Darling know he’s prancin around it, like he owns the fucking place?
Hay Maccarena
The forgotten seventh member of the Village People wistfully went through the old routine, one more time.
When your parties fucked, when your boss is away, when you finally accept your never going to be chancellor: – all you can do is DANCE…
Anyway so it was years of this wot gave im cancer of the arse’ole
Id raver do that slimy mingepiece than the pixie indoors innit
Ed prepares to lead into the Gay Gordons, only to find that his partner has mysteriously disappeared.
All together now – dum te dumtidy dumtidy dumtidy dum – sorry I forget how the rest of it goes.
By buggery I wish I was at T’ Oval.
“Look Peter, I can nearly have a wank and do a Nazi salute at the same time!”
Bless you mr Trough Mixture – I hadn’t dared look since lunch. Only trouble is that it is now clearly my patriotic duty to keep away until the edited highlights.
“I know I’ve got balls, it’s just whether I can be bothered to use them or not.”
And this is how big a cockhead I am.
Ed Balls performs the classic “Hitler Piss” (leaning with one hand up against the wall) after a half of shandy at the Lee Jasper Garden Fete (Ltd)
No, I said “What bastard has nicked my PUNT!!!!???”
Yvonne told me that Peter went into hospitalto have part of his prostrate removed. It was announced that the trouble was not ‘malignant’. I remarked that it was a typical triumph of the modern Nu Labour NHS to find the only part of Peter that was not malignant and remove it.
Three weeks later I found that Guido had posted my diaries.
genghiz, Nice! I haven’t laughed so hard since …well, since I heard that the prince of darkness was having his prostrate done.
This! THIS! is the winner… shurely?
Ed Balls develops a dance even more Huhneish than David Brent could possibly manage
Another toilet suddenly mysteriously vanished from John Prescott’s garden. Stick it on expenses
“Yvonne pisses just like this, seat up and everything”
Yvette?
John Cleese impersonates Ed Balls
“You, in the front row – if SKIing is Spending the Kid’s Inheritance, does this count as Spending the Nation’s Inheritance?”
No Gordon, Yvette holds the broom like this.
“And here is a list of my A level achievements”
The scheme to teach Labour ministers kung-fu before they meet the voters next year gets off to a shaky start…
“… and this is how we keep the backbenchers in line.”
ehh macarena !
I really really really wanna zig a zig ah!
“So then we removed Lord Mandelson’s prostate like this”
Balls-y says: “If you want to get rid of Mandy, this technique was used on King Edward 2.”
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeh Macarena!
Peter’s prostate my arse
Postrated
While waiting for the election, ever careful, Ed retrains for his new role as a pole dancer
And this is how I held Colin Challoner……..
Ed Balls demonstrates how he kills kittens, “Hold the back legs in the right hand and then pull their heads with the left, like so …”.
So.. I held him by the scruff of the neck..like this..and then with the other hand…
“I understand that Lord Mandelson will be held by the hair like this, and his prostate will be operated on like so”
or:
“And suddenly, Andy [Burnham] was squealing like a stuck pig. If he wants to be in Cabinet, he does it my way.”
After coming under fire from scientists for not doing enough to ensure evolution is taught in British schools, the Children’s Secretary attempts to make amends by inviting Richard Dawkins to dance ‘the monkey’.
” And would you believe it Vetty, I grabbed Gove by the neck and testicles and told him A Levels are harder than they’ve ever been, except the year I did ‘em and they were really hard, then he bit me! “
how about:
“The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round…”
or:
‘”Yvette”, I said. “Allow me to do to you what we’ve done to education, the armed forces and health.”‘
Balls was irritated. “I was almost certain I had grabbed hold of our elusive Prime Minister, but I was thwarted by his cloak of invisibility, again.”
“I’m practising for Top Gear, A (education department) Tzar in a over-taxed Car”
Identity of Grasshopper revealed at last.
Record ‘A’ level results year on year……….yeah, and I’ve got an invisible cock.
This is what Gordon got me to do to Purnell after he resigned, the only problem was that he quite enjoyed it……come to think of it so did I!
Get that arm up higher, Balls! Sieg Heil! Now where did you put that moustache?
Ainsworth has borrowed it
“Is this how to ram through a policy, Peter???”
“So, i gabbed hold and shouted ‘scream Darling!”
“Once more for the camera Damien”
After taking a significant amount of heavy drugs on a visit to a school the Schools devo re-enacted the Harry Potter broomstick lesson scene while carrying the facial expression of someone eating Mandy’s discarded prostate. He then came on to Mrs Brown. He then came out.
Ministry of Defence announce improved shooting accuracy with new themed target dummy.
And I got hold of Darling like this and I said “You’re sitting in my chair” and threw him out of Number 11,
but then I woke up.
Balls prepares for new career directing traffic (still needs to a learn a lot, though…)
“Balls explains Mandelson key hole surgery…..”"
O/T
Carlsberg don’t do cricket matches….
They do now!
Minister’s rocking horse stolen from under his nose
New Minister of Fisting shows he means business!
“Some people think I’m bonkers…”
“…There’s nothin’ crazy ’bout me!”
When Santa got stuck in the chimney of Mr and Mrs Balls he was pulled out by the Balls. Here young Teste Balls demonstrate how it was done
I hold the end of me dick like this and when I jizz its up here.
I’m an absolutely terrific wanker.
“And of course if I was Chancellor, the economy would have been up here, but with Alistair still in charge, it has sunk to the current low point. Watch out toes!”
After three beers Balls is caught mocking Harriet’s glass ceiling speeches.
[...] :: Friday Caption Competition [...]
And this is how I imagine I hold the electorate when I am at working my expense excuses.
Education Minister celebrates Ashes Victory.
Steven Seagal wannabee fails to impress during celebrity look alike competition
I lifted Blears up by her hair,and punched her in the minge.
LMAO!
I laughed out loud at that one, and everyone at work looked at me funny.
Very good
A winner, shurely
” Note, that is “witty”, not “obvious”…….”
Guido, it’s what the punters like at the end of the day innit?
Never mind satire,just smear the fucker.
Balls adopts the position in front of a bunch of pansies
Balls unwittingly demonstrates UK public’s favourite fantasy -
Punch glass eye out with a sweet left hook and catch it with the right.
Ed balls explains QE to some Morely and Rothwell constituants , 1 clapps
or
As Ed gears up for wooing the people of Morely and Rothwell , he expalins to his agent and local party members how David Brent can “motivate to victory”
Darth Balls to Obi-Wan Mandelson “You should not have come back!”
“Yes .. A-Level Maths student, at the back there …. if you can tell me how many Pound coins I have in my right hand .. I’ll give you both of ‘em” ….
Balls. es .. ” if you can tell me how many Pound coins I have in my right hand .. I’ll give you both of ‘em” ….
Darling “three”
Even the wife says I am.
and the wheels of the bus fell
off, off, off
off, off, off
off, off, off
and the wheels of the bus…..
Every picture tells a story
Nuf said!
Balls plays imaginary conkers with his imaginary friend, and loses….
Eye Macarena!
Balls get measured up for this winters mittens on elastic, “Yes Vetty, I can still move my arms”
Balls at a childrens party playing musical statues.
“Oh damn Yvette, you caught me again! Was it the blinking that gave me away?”
You’re Adolph Hitler, and I claim my £5.00.
Guido caption competition attracts record number of Macarena responses.
So Gordon says “Go and check an see if Mr. Abdelbaset Ali Mohmeit al-Megrahi really is sick. So I creeps up behind him and grabs a hold of his belt and says ‘Don’t be afraid, I’m a spin doctor…”
mad dalek impersonates mad dalek.
Oh yes!
Auditions begin for Wonder Woman the movie
Thinks – “Got the arm movements nearly right. Next, got to work on the legs and by the end of the week – The Full Goose-step!”
Another Labour politician caught practicing their “John Darwin”.
(You remember. The guy in the canoe who faked his own death).
Put my left hand out,
my right hand down,
in-out, in-out, shake it all about
I aimed to be the Chancellor
And failed at that
That’s what it’s all about!
And then I rung the bell and steered it with the big wheel and then I shouted toot! toot! and then I rung the bell again, and then the merry-go-round stopped and I wasn’t allowed to go to that big house in London anymore…
Can I have another go, please?
Thats very good sir. Well, we have a few more people to see for the shopping trolley stackers role, but you are definitely on the call back list.
Ed Balls found the perfect spot for Gordon’s shallow grave. He had just forgotten one little tool
Ed Balls demonstrating what happened to the Blairite revolt.
Bit long for a caption and late to the party, but:
“You see” said Ed, “since my pecker’s become as limp as this government, I have stand behind Yvette, hold her hair in my left hand while using the dildo with my right, like this.
It always gets her moaning and sobbing – like the public – leaves her worn out – like the Labour Party – and screwed within an inch of her life – like the economy”
Que Mr. Miyagi voice…
“Make block. Left, right. Up, down. Side, side. Breathe in, breathe out. And no scare fish…”
or “Cue”, even
Wax on – wax off
“My little baby sister can do it with ease.
“It’s easier than learning your ABC’s.
“So come on, come on,
“Do the loco-motion with me.”
And When Me And Peter Fondlebum Get It On I Hold Him By The Hair And Ram It Up His Jacksey. Like So !,
So I turned to her and said “sit on this and try to peddle” . . . .
Ed Balls takes time out to practice driving a bus, which is what he’ll be doing after the election…
Ball’s up shit creek without a paddle…
“Boing, it went straight up the Gordo’s Brown bit”
Greasing the pole of corruption
Just incase it’s not obvious I’m a total prat I’ll do it again!
Amidst claims that Brown Government is ‘frightening people’, zombie spotted in garden of Number 10. “We thought it was Ed Balls” says cleaner. Prime minister said to be ‘unconcerned and focused on the Big Issue’ according spokesman, Ed Balls.
And he’s got the chipmunk by the ears and is bringing her in for the money shot…
So I grabbed Yvette like this….
With Mandy in hospital, Ed takes over the induction of the large class of new labour candidates needed for the next election.
“Now you take the taxpayer by the scruff of the neck and aim your mandate, then whamo”
Asn I Walked In To The PM’s Office, Peter Had Gordon Over The Desk Like This Shouting Who’s Your Daddy ?
Ball’s Demonstrates The Dance Move’s To The New Lie-Bore Party Theme Tune . A remix Of The 1960′s Hit Peter And Gordon’s World Without Love !
Please don’t forget my classic ’70s hit ‘Gordon is a moron’. I’m thinking of a come back tour.
Ed acquires imaginary car to go with imaginary friends.
..and that’s how I showed Jonny Depp to find the end of the world….
‘..And when Tony’s Presidential motorcade enters Downing Street,I’m going to pop the truck-bomb into first gear and just idle her forward, smiling like this.’
“Paper wraps rock” – Oh see everyone! I win, I win – I’ll be the new P.M.!!!!
Ed Balls takes time out to practice the martial art ‘USHITU’
Hello flowers, hello sky, hello men with big canvas coat!
Ed is overjoyed at spotting last known Labour voter who isnt alreday in cabinet
Feeling tired and a little lonely, Ed wondered whether to make this his last year at Twatboy Grim’s annual ‘Preen on the Green’ event.
Ed Balls demonstrating that he can run the country as well as Harriet Harman
Raising the tax will be no problem. Just grab hold like so and lift the wallet from the jacket with the other hand.
On a day when yet more British troops return from Afghanistan in boxes, am only in the mood for “obvious” today, as opposed to “witty” . . . so . . .
. . . “Cu*t” has to be the caption quote.
An early photograph of Edward Testicles auditioning for Xfactor.
Although Edward never made it through, he did take Simon Cowells advice to change his stage name.
So you see because I wear this Labour red tie and because Labour supporters are such dim fucking spastics and because you, the press, are such a bunch of dopey crippled alcoholic retards it means I can get away with doing this nazi Hitler goose-step stuff in public.
I am a neo-con fascist busybody, constantly sticking my nose in other peoples’ business.
Oh, and Hitler is my master and Satan is my Lord.
I suck Satan’s cock and rim his arsehole. I love it! I am a blackmagic satanist.
And I such the EU’s cock as well, I love selling my country out and I alternately suck on Satan’s cock and the EU’s penis when I am not allowing the country to get fucked up by my American friends with whom I regularly holiday and receive my instructions from.
Whoops; I almost forgot, I am also a war criminal.
I suppose if you think about it I deserve to be hanged for my war crimes.
And last thing: it was of course Gordon Brown and I who are responsible for cooking up the crackpot idea of underfunding of the army to save the treasury a few quid. That means we are directly responsible for unnecessary deaths of British soldiers.
That is the legacy of Gordon Brown, and me, Ed Balls.
I am surprised I have not already been lynched by an angry crowd to be honest.
The mob would surely catch me as I wouldn’t be able to run far because I am such a fat fucking wanker!
I am a total dick.
You are tat,and i claim free lifetime membership to the tat appreciation society
Thats funny, my dog’s always sticking her nose into other peoples business
If I push hard enough Gordon, will it come back out?
here is a non libellous version just incase the bitch starts whining:
So you see because I wear this Labour red tie and because Labour supporters are such dim fucking spastics and because you, the press, are such a bunch of dopey crippled alcoholic retards it means I can get away with doing this nazi Hitler goose-step stuff in public.
I am a neo-con fascist busybody, constantly sticking my nose in other peoples’ business.
Oh, and Hitler is my master and Satan is my Lord.
I suck Satan’s cock and rim his arsehole. I love it! I am a blackmagic satanist.
And I such the EU’s cock as well, I love selling my country out and I alternately suck on Satan’s cock and the EU’s penis when I am not allowing the country to get fucked up by my American friends with whom I regularly holiday and receive my instructions from.
Whoops; I almost forgot, I am also a war criminal.
I suppose if you think about it I deserve to be hanged for my war crimes.
And last thing: it was of course Gordon Brown and I who are responsible for cooking up the crackpot idea of the underfunding of the army to save the treasury a few quid. That means we are directly responsible for unnecessary deaths of British soldiers(It was my idea.)
That is my legacy and it is one I share with Gordon Brown.
I am surprised I have not already been lynched by an angry crowd to be honest.
The mob would surely catch me as I wouldn’t be able to run far because I am such a fat fucking wanker!
I am a total dick.
PEADO SHORTS RETURNS !
fuck off you spastic.
cretin.
THICK AS SHIT AS WELL ! cripple, cripple , tramp, tramp, spastic,spastic ! Change the fucking record, Dickhead !
and you are all of the above.
well done.
but I have already awarded this week’s ‘spastic of the week’ award.
so close!
maybe next time, eh?
Ed Balls simultaneously wields all the monetary policy options still available to the Government.
“If zombies actually existed, an attack by them would lead to the collapse of civilisation unless dealt with quickly and aggressively.
That is the conclusion of a mathematical exercise carried out by researchers in Canada.”
Pallab Ghosh, Science correspondent, BBC News, 18 August 2009.
What do they eat in cabinet meetings? It can’t be each other’s brains. This may explain why public sector employment has grown so much.
grab ‘em by the scruff with this hand and ram the tax up their freckle with this hand – like this…… and NO LUBE
HAWAII Five O ?
So anyway,Kenny MacAskill say’s “Is this a long enough prognosis?”
“ARGGGGHHHH my hands seized up again, quick – pass me those tablets” shouted Ed Balls to his gardener.
“And I.ve got the balls to match”
Yvonne brmm brrmm, pressers asked me to drive the battle bus
90 degrees left rudder, aye!
Can you believe I had both Cherie AND Harriet in this position at Tony’s house warming?
And it turned out NEITHER of them was wearing underwear, the randy bitches!
Thanks a lot PSKG. The thought of Cherie and Harriet without underwear has completely wrapped up my evening. Yechhhhh.
You should have been there – the stench was unbelievable…….
Ed Balls practices his striptease moves, ready for when he joins the dole queue.
I can do this so fast, you won’t see it coming!
“Then I said to Mr. McBride, ‘One more email like that and your fucked!’”
Ed Balls demonstrates his post neoclassical endogenous growth theory
I dreamt I had me Left hand on Guido’s nose and pulled down on his beard like this. Next thing- I woke up to find Gordon had sneezed on my duvet
I don’t care how bad Gordon’s pitch was, I’m the umpire and I say Cameron struck out.
Tony Blair said “education, education, education” which, a decade later translates to zillions of state-educated useless neets and the presiding secretary of state playing dividing lines and personal ambition. What sick fuck would still vote labour?
Oh Tony, you male chicken. As Shakey said:
“His jest will savour but of shallow wit,
When thousands weep more than did laugh at it.”
Ed’s face froze in a hideous grin as he saw with a dreadful clarity what had been alluding him all these years.
His search for self awareness and enlightenment through the noble art of Tai Chi was over.
He realised, beyond doubt and with awful certainty, that he was a Huhne.
It really read better as C’unt
That should be elude of course. Memo to self: don’t post when you get in from pub.
Through the forest, like a fairy dream through some dark mind, fawning flatteries, the story he told seemed incredible, Strictly in confidence (I do not think!), drastic and revolutionary, it was, bartering the higher aspirations of life, like those by a sculptor graved for niches in a temple. His temperament, character, and circumstance were oily and servile, extrudung through his bulky figure. I confess I had my doubts.
We must not expose ourselves to misinterpretation, I said. I do not feel sure that I entirely share your views and gossiping opinion. They have certainly affected the tone of any impartial observer, varied and animated, watchful, suspicious, and timid, dreaming of salvation.
Violating all decency, with beggarly flimsiness, the vast cathedral of his ego world echoed with the soft sound of fluttering parsley. It is an insanely smug respectability and self-contentment on display, and I should in like manner repudiate his mouth quivering with pleasure, progress, order, and happiness.
I think we should do well to call to mind, he said: Is it not legitimate to recognize dread, disgust, repugnance, and dreariness? But the final value is, he rejoiced, that events have occurred.
Oh, and I had completely forgotten that I was carrying my hunting rifle whose safety catch had mysteriously uncaught, your honour.
“Dissenter? You put a bag over his head and do a Semenya”
Balls teaching aid to children on how to open doors
Are we there yet?
A swift left jab – then one where it really hurts!
Everbody do “the Mandleson”.
What do you mean brace yourself Balls?
“So, I pinned Mandy up against the wall like this, he was begging for mercy, and I got him below the belt. The prostate’s just a cover.”
Here comes the next bucket of shit
This is how I showed Damian to the door
Ed demonstrates how to play the “Air Mandelson”
A man of all the talents; Ed shows us how he uses the vaccume cleaner and a duster at the same time to clean the house quickly on a Friday.
Controversy over Lord Mandelson’s expenses claim for new Garden Gnome.
this is how i tighten my Balls
“Mandelson, you’ve lost yours, I’ve still got mine”.
My policy towards the proleteriat is:- Watch what the finger of my left hand is saying then you will not see the right hook coming until it is too late.
Demonstrating the “mashed potato” at the Queens garden party was probably not the best move.
if it was, I wouldn’t be able to do anything with it!
“Now remember Gordon, it’s easy:
Smile then …..
left foot forward …..
right foot forward …..
left foot forward ……
swing the arms ……
You will soon get the hang of it.”
It had been a particularly rough Cabinet that morning, Ed thought.
“With me little stick of Blackpool rock, along the promenade I go…”
Its just a jump to the left
And a step to the right
Put your hands on your hips
Blah Blah Blah
12 years on and Balls’ “Things can only get better” dance routine fails to impress.
“Just pop the cork and let it fly. The part that waters the garden means it goes on expenses.”
Woot!
And now we’ll squeeze them till the pipsqueaks squeak
“Alan Sugar is a pretty tough man to impress”
http://www.edballs.co.uk/index.jsp?i=3833&s=1111
don’t worry gordon, it’s amazing what you can remove with photoshop these days
Who says men can’t multitask? I can reach for the expenses troughat the same time as practising being a wanker
Ed Balls proudly holds up a list of the government’s achievements.
Ed Balls showing off some of Gordon Brown’s new clothes.
Ed Balls enters extreme wig-wearing tournament.
You hold on to it with your right hand, and you pull the sheep towards you with your left.
Aga -Doo- Doo- Do Push Pineapple Shake A Tree !
‘So you see, the economy is just like a woman…’
The Hokey Cokey for Dummies
Hang on I feel a bit of quantative easing coming on
“Goo goo gaa gaa …..wanna play Chancellor”
“Here’s the mime… so What’s My Line?”
“Toot toot! Parp parp!… Get out of my way”, said Mr Toad.
Surely this was a screen cap from this:
OK Gordon, left hand I get the Chancellorship, right hand I don’t.
In order to provide maximum support for our wonderfully equiped Armed Forces, we are teaching basic helicopter handling to primary classes
I use it for watering the garden.
No its an invisible hosepipe.
Ed Balls test-drives the Emperor’s new car.
…and then after I’d got the lock off Dave’s bike, I legged it like this…
or
…and then after I’d got the lock off Dave’s bike, I pulled some mega wheelies.
Ed demonstrates how the levers and buttons of big government don’t actually connect to anything
I have one hand on your throat, one hand on your testicles and there is F*** all you can do about it. We’re New Labour, and the future belongs to us; don’t even try to think for yourself, just obey because that is all you gutless bastards are capable of.
Ed Balls demonstrates the armies new MRAP vehicles.
Who said the lady’s not for turning?
Statue of
Ed Balls
1 minute before Purnell resigned
“Money, Money, Money… it’s so funny…”
Balls demonstrates how to grip the steering wheel on those tractors that Jonah keeps talking about …
It’s alright David, I’ve still got a hold of you!
Who says it’s all spin, that’s what I call a straight left.
Now James, you’ll need to get that lip seen to…
“…..and in May, 2010 we’ll be pouring the champagne, like this!…..”
This is the position I adopted to become champion in the spunky biscuit league four years running at school donchaknow.
This is how I had Gordon, and he was going yeah, do it harder. He is pure filth.
Ed demonstrates the “Mandelson Wrap Around”
And so I flew,in my Birch-Bark Canoe
Down streams and rivers searching for you.
I made a campfire,I tallied there
Briefly on the moonlit shore
With bursting heart and busted lung
I hurried ever further on
Searching for you.
I had no plan yet I held fast
To a promise whispered in my past?
which drove me onward,searching for you.
The current quickens,have I arrived?
At the Utopia for which the Nation strives
Yes! The BBC concedes
That Lead is Gold and money grows on trees.
The truth is nebulus,as Lefty Spiders spin it
As long as the stream of media proceeds
It will always be the Beeb that win it.
No no, what I actually said was I’m pretending to act as a punt.
“…And this is what the electorate is going to do to us next May…”
“When the time comes Gordon I going screw you pretty much like this…”
[...] 24th, 2009 Caption Competition Winner As is traditional, most of the Friday Caption Competition entries were lame. Marginally less lame was this one Ollie Cromwell [...]
[...] As is traditional, most of the Friday Caption Competition entries were lame. Marginally less lame was this one Ollie Cromwell says: [...]
Oh bugger I better not fart in front of the press.