July 17th, 2009

Friday Caption Competition (Exclusive Purnell Hotpants Edition)


  1. 1
    thick as thieves says:

    tip the boiling oil now! NOW MOTHERFUCKER!

  2. 2
    jo public says:

    look at my lucky legs lucky they don’t snap and disapear up my arse

  3. 3

    “Purnell denies Guido story that he is running”

    Beat you bastards before you could say it…

  4. 4
    Thud Hardbutt says:

    Nice ass! Shame about the face! (“,)

  5. 5
    Anonymous says:

    Just out of shot is Lord Fumblebum of Boy bearing down on him, sporting a massive erection….

  6. 6
    Stronghold Barricades says:

    Brown reject runs out

  7. 7
    Grrr says:

    11 Downing Street finally remembers the Goblin gold “safely” stored at Gringots Bank in DiagonAlley and despatches a minion to check if Gordon and Lord Voldemort have already appropriated it……

  8. 8
    Steve Expat says:

    “Expenses clampdown leads to more relaxed dress code at DWP”

  9. 9

    118 118 guys subject to downsizing.

  10. 10
    Anonymous says:

    Sorry, O/T – but my heart bleeds for old Blinky:


  11. 11
    Sunonmars says:

    better get to work on cleaning that fucking flat then..nah let me ring up expenses.

  12. 12
    Anonymous says:

    Yah ! Bruno ? It iz Jamez.. I am vanting you to pop over to my haus reit now and be giving me the body rub and be pushing your tank into my de-militarised zone where ze sun is not shining !

  13. 13
    Badbobby says:

    In an attempt to keep up with modern times, changing of the guard adopted a new, less formal approach.

  14. 14
    Jonathan Cook says:

    Wacko Jocko is jealous of Purnell’s superior moonwalk.

  15. 15
    Anonymous says:

    ” I vunder if I can be getting a job in ze movies with an arse as big as this ?”

  16. 16
    Any Colour but Brown says:

    Hmmmmm, now why do you think my pants suddenly burst in to flames?

  17. 17
    Anonymous says:

    ” I wandered lonely as a Hunt..”

  18. 18
    Tin Cunliffe-Arsely says:

    Worlds worse paparazzi’s final attempt. considering teaching.

  19. 19
    So17 says:

    You appear to have a couple of bits of string hanging from your shorts Mr Purnell….oh sorry they’re your legs.

  20. 20
    Susannah says:

    Must be a joke in here about being just about to disappear up a back passage…?

  21. 21
    Anonymous says:

    “Of course leaving the Government was a smart move – the better to marshal the troops behind my leadership campaign…”

  22. 22

    It was a good night last night Guido, thanks. You’re looking a little tubby though, maybe you should cut down on the beer for a while?

    Anyway: I understand that PO management, workers, and potential investors are concerned about the regulatory framework. I agree, it needs revision to give a better focus and prevent cherry picking. If new management can bring innovation and PO workers can get a good deal Mandelson’s plan could help get people thinking more about added value, fairness, and building a better tomorrow than nitpicking over short-term trivialities like phoney elections, recessions, and scapegoating the poor.

  23. 23
    Anonymous says:

    BREAKING NEWS !!!!!!!!!!!!

    BBC CONFIRMS James Purnell is to be new star of Saturday Night TV !!!!

    A spokesman said “So many people when we mentioned Mr Purnell’s name said ‘James Who’ that we suddenly realised he just HAD to be…

    The New Doctor Who !”

  24. 24
    Master Baiter says:


  25. 25
    So17 says:

    He’s ‘Going in through the out door’

  26. 26
    Anonymous says:

    “But the good news is I’ve ruined David Miliband’s career as well as mine..”

  27. 27
    verb crawler says:

    Feel the burn, cos you’ll need to get used to it when you rot in hell!

  28. 28
    Anonymous says:

    [thinks] “I now the only way back to the Cabinet now is to be Lord Mandelson’s ‘rent boy’, but it is a tough decision to weigh up – maybe going for a walk will help me clarify the dilemma in my mind..”

  29. 29
    Master Baiter says:

    Purnell backing out.

  30. 30
    Doctor Mick says:

    Purnell was one of many MPs involved in a political scandal following the disclosure of expenses of Members of the United Kingdom Parliament. Purnell told the parliamentary authorities that his main home was in Manchester and claimed the “second home” allowance for his flat in London. In October 2004, Purnell sold his London flat but told HM Revenue and Customs it was his “principal home”, not his “second home”. A spokesman on behalf of Purnell said that “Any allegation that James avoided capital gains tax is completely untrue.

    Ooh the bare cheek!

  31. 31
    Disco Biscuit says:

    “N.B. If you like what you see, he is back on the market ladies…”

    This may come as a surprise to Chris Bryant.

  32. 32
    Daveyone says:

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00ls7h7/Death_of_Respect_Episode_1/ should be watched by all and Purnell is as much to blame as Balls on this one;http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/8155081.stm but ho hum and have a great 12 weeks off ( What do’s Guido do in this time LOL?)

  33. 33
    Ricky Ponting says:

    I just got out.

  34. 34
    Trough Mixture says:

    I’d have worn my trousers but I had to use them for wiping shit on the walls back at the flat.

  35. 35
    Trough Mixture says:

    And aren’t you in a strop.

  36. 36
    Dame Celia Molestrangler says:

    Doesn’t look a happy bunny does he, bless…..

  37. 37
    Anonymous says:

    GUIDO, surely to go with the James ‘Photoshop’ Purnell theme, you could spice up the caption competition for a whole week, by adding pictures of famous world leaders and the ‘stars of stage and screen’ ?

    Signed, Sacha Baron Cohen..

  38. 38
    Steve Expat says:

    But you only went in ten minutes ago – why so soon?

  39. 39
    What Charles Hardwidge Really Believes says:

    Comment like yours is just more of the same claims and kicking someone up the ass. It’s pure trolling and flamebait: unaccountable wind-up. It’s illogical and selfish – the politics of ego.

    So, you can cut the bullshit and patronising attitude. It just makes you look a bigger ass. Still, it’s your karma.
    Charles Hardwidge @ 7:59 pm, Mon 16th Feb 2009 on LabourList

  40. 40
    Steve Expat says:

    I thought 10-2 was the time, but then I realised it’s only ten to one…

  41. 41
    Hugh Janus says:

    O/T, but this is serious!

    If you are as keen as I am to see Bliar assume the Presidency of the EU, you might like to visit:


  42. 42
    nell says:

    Well mine doesn’t!!

  43. 43
    Pluperfect Subjunctive says:

    “The loneliness of the long distance runner”

  44. 44
    Andrew Efiong says:

    Following the death of Michael Jackson, Purnell practices his moonwalking skills.

  45. 45
    Sarah says:

    James hated the new ministerial dress code for meetings with Lord Mandelson.

  46. 46
    Barry says:

    Thought only bloody public school boys went in for de-bagging

  47. 47
    Pluperfect Subjunctive says:

    Required viewing. Hague at his very best.

  48. 48
    Shorebitch says:

    How about:

    “News in Briefs – Labour glad to see back of Purnell”


    “Purnell’s shorts spell in the Cabinet”


    “Purnell’s speedo return to the backbenches, party rejoices”


    “Sod it, I’ll photoshop the tracksuit on later!”


    “Purnell returns to Government – as Chris Bryant’s SPAD!”

  49. 49

    I don’t run my opinions past Obama’s or Cameron’s worldview, so what they think or what position they might wish to claim is neither here nor there. Sure, I can identify with the Prime Minister on a personal level because we have similar rare personality types, and that can be seen in echoes of policy and personality but, what? I’ve kept it quiet but my interest in politics has been nuked over the past few months and who cares what the “smart mob” thinks. Yeah, we’ve got a recession on but I’ve got some stuff fixed in my own life and some external stress has lifted, and I FEEL GOOD. Yeah, baby. Rockin’. Well, let’s not get carried away. I feel fine. No, I FEEL GOOD. And Gordon Brown makes me feel happy cuz he’s the best. So there, nyeh.

  50. 50
    Kill a palestinian kiddie for a laff says:

    Fat Tory troffers can’t run

  51. 51
    Steve Expat says:

    Am I the only one who thinks the Tories would be further ahead than they are if Hague were in Cameron’s shoes?

  52. 52
    Democracy Watch says:

    Number of Labour Life Peers in the Lord: 210

    Number Labour Life Peers who were elected by the party: 2

  53. 53
    Broke and Jobless says:

    I’m too sexy for my car too sexy for my car
    Too sexy by far
    And I’m too sexy for my hat
    Too sexy for my hat what do you think about that

    I’m a model you know what I mean
    And I do my little turn on the catwalk
    Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah
    I shake my little touche on the catwalk

  54. 54
    What Charles Hardwidge Really Believes says:


  55. 55
    Jesus Christ says:

    you tories don’t have a prayer, do you — so sad, so very very sad.

  56. 56
    Broke and Jobless says:

    Chill out TAT

  57. 57
    nell says:

    There I’ve signed it.

    But in truth I don’t want a President of Europe at all . It’s just another unnecessary expense for an already expensive white elephant.

  58. 58
    Cyco Billy says:

    Don’t be squeamish, Suzannah.

    “Purnell takes the short cut to success thru a back passage.”

  59. 59
    Cyco Billy says:


  60. 60
    DominicJ says:

    “N.B. If you like what you see, he is back on the market ladies…”

    Spelling corrections

  61. 61
    nell says:

    Labour MP’s having to get themselves to work on foot after all expenses claims were banned.

  62. 62
    Charles Flaccidwidger says:

    “because we have similar rare personality types”

    Ain’t that the truth.

  63. 63
    Broke and Jobless says:

    James isn’t very enthusatic about his new job as a dancer at the gay bar.

  64. 64
    Salmondnet says:

    “My other policy is all mouth”

  65. 65
    Charles Flaccidwidger says:

    James Purnell – the new face of Immac

  66. 66

    I haven’t read J K Rowling’s books, but I have watched the movies. Her donation to Labour was a masterstroke, and her stories contain a lot of strategy. Understanding strategy is key to success, self-development, and so forth. They’re a useful study for any aspiring General, CEO, or President.

  67. 67
    can't spell, won't spell says:

    Feel the bum, cos you’ll need to get used to it when you rot in hell!

  68. 68
    Simon R says:

    Purnell attempts to impress Gordon’s boyzone by demonstrating the use of a tradesman’s entrance

  69. 69
    Broke and Jobless says:

    James Purnell caught taking the election race abit too literally.

  70. 70

    Dear All

    Purnell in training for city job after next General Election result.

    Yours sincerely

    George Laird
    The Campaign for Human Rights at Glasgow University

  71. 71
    Angry Voter says:

    Where was my invite? Miserable bastard.

  72. 72

    Dear All

    Purnell starts sprint training in case voters turn ugly.

    Yours sincerely

    George Laird
    The Campaign for Human Rights at Glasgow University

  73. 73
    Anon says:

    Purnell MP ‘inconsolable’ after fridge magnets take a battering on the Stock Exchange

  74. 74

    Dear All

    Purnell returns to Westminister after audition for drag act fails.

    Yours sincerely

    George Laird
    the Campaign for Human Rights at Glasgow University

  75. 75

    Dear All

    Purnell issues a statement to HM Customs on Capital Gains Tax.

    ‘You can whistle and try and catch me’!

    Yours sincerely

    George Laird
    The Campaign for Human Rights at Glasgow University

  76. 76

    What is that sign just above the arch?
    Its a bit blurred but definitely C-U-something- T.

  77. 77
    Trough Mixture says:

    Victoria’s Secret…….ssssshhhhhhh.

  78. 78

    Dear All

    Purnell trials speed begging in City of London pilot.

    Yours sincerely

    George Laird
    The Campaign for Human Rights at Glasgow University

  79. 79
    Bod says:

    …..James knew exactly what steps to take to prevent Balls from moving.

  80. 80

    Dear All

    James Purnell returns dejected from porno audition head down after forgetting paper bag.

    Yours sincerely

    George Laird
    The Campaign for Human Rights at Glasgow University

  81. 81
    Baldric says:

    Must be the winner!

  82. 82

    Dear All

    James Purnell is forced back into training as he declares ‘Westminister is full of ugly old cows’.

    Yours sincerely

    George Laird
    The Campaign for Human Rights at Glasgow University

  83. 83
    Simon R says:

    His crappy career over and after failing the audition for Life On Mars, Purnell tries to enter the Lords by disguising himself as Seb Coe.

  84. 84
    streamfisher says:

    Purnell photographed visiting secret gift shop, no more than 2 mp’s allowed in at any one time and a strict dress code to prevent trousering.

  85. 85
    So17 says:

    Yes I have also seen the films and all I can say is that British Child actors are shit.
    As for the other stuff Charles, I’ll take your word for it.

  86. 86
    Infamy, they've all got it in for me says:

    Governments ‘Get fit, get running’ campaign is lambasted as MP is found to have ‘photoshopped’ the evidence of his ‘do as I do’ mantra

  87. 87
    It's all Balls says:

    “Must keep up the training – getting to Number 10 is a marathon and not a sprint”

  88. 88
    What Charles Hardwidge Really Believes says:

    Labour List may have a weakness for page hits but there’s enough people here now that it doesn’t need stray trolls to boost traffic.
    Charles Hardwidge @ 5:23 pm, Tue 26th May 2009

  89. 89
    Fees Office Clerk says:

    Purnell limps back to his office after being rogered by Gordon Brown at No 10!

  90. 90
    Broke and Jobless says:

    James Purnell enjoying his new job as leg double for Brad Pitt.

  91. 91
    Carcetti For Mayor says:

    Maybe he should ask the BBC for some new socks:

    “BBC1 controller Jay Hunt has spent more than £2,000 of licence fee payers’ money on gifts – including £50 on socks and over £800 of Molton Brown products.

    The list of luxury goods, published as part of today’s tranche of new BBC expenses revelations, included a “silver bangle with charm” for £94.50, a £43.45 cashmere and silk jumper, a £59.95 biscuit jar, bought as a wedding gift, and £49 on a gift basket for the birth of a baby boy.

    She also spent £666 on 14 sets of Molton Brown gift sets at Christmas, around £150 on three other batches of Molton Brown toiletries, and £48.95 for two pairs of cashmere socks.”

  92. 92

    Dear All

    James Purnell returns home after being thrown out of cute baby competition after forgetting nappy and rattle.

    He says; ‘ it is not a second job’!

    Yours sincerely

    George Laird
    The Campaign for Human Rights at Glasgow University

  93. 93
    Simon R says:

    Purnell: Hello Peter, nice day out!

    Mandy: James, you shouldn’t go jogging with change in your pockets

    Purnell: But I haven’t got any pockets Peter…

    Mandy: Oooooh shoot me ducky!

    Bryant: Peter, you can see your reflection in his legs! So smooth..

    Mandy: I don’t have a reflection dear! Ooooooooh etc

    Alan Duncan: James, James, if these shorts get any tighter you’ll be able to join my choir

  94. 94

    “Purnell goes to congratulate Chris Bryant on his piss poor Question Time performance dressed to thrill”

  95. 95
    Dick Scratcher says:

    Fictional characters are not allowed on this blog. So fuck off!

  96. 96
    Simon R says:

    Yeah, that head has definitely been photoshopped onto the body! Purnell was tied up on the cabinet room table getting a forced crack and sack wax by Winky!

  97. 97
    Gordon's glass eye says:

    “Im your Venus, I’m your fire, your desire.” The Hoon looks like he shaves his legs!

  98. 98
    Eve Ryman says:

    He must have been showing off his Toenails impression.

  99. 99
    Dick Scratcher says:

    Labour MP fries genitals after urinating on live lamp post.

  100. 100
    SS says:

    Hoping ‘Jock Itch’ will gain him preferment in cabonet?

  101. 101
  102. 102
    So17 says:

    By jove charles I,ve got it. By donating to the Labour party JK Rowling re directed Money from the right of centre middle classes into the coffers of the left of centre middle classes.
    Fucking brilliant.
    Meanwhile back on the farm how does that help me. A lower working class scumbag?

  103. 103
    School for Scoundrels says:

    One eyed Scottish loser Gordon Brown said yesterday, ‘I knew there was a recession coming, but I couldn’t tell how far away it was…’

  104. 104
    Charles Flaccidwidger says:

    I thought swine flu was suffering Cherie Blair?

  105. 105
    Nick Brown says:

    Oooh, you are awful! …but I like you.

  106. 106
    Angry Voter says:

    Love the ‘arrowing’ results.

  107. 107
    Dick the Prick says:

    ‘short-term trivialities like phoney elections, recessions, and scapegoating the poor’ – my ghast is utterly flabbered – unbelievable.

    This must be a wind up.

  108. 108
    IRB says:

    Is this where all the cocks hang out?

  109. 109
  110. 110
    Porky Pies MP says:

    I obviously need to get out more into the sad celebrity worshiping culture but can somebody tell me what this is all about? Who the fucking hell is the bloke and why should I (or the ladies) be interested?

  111. 111
    Simon R says:

    You want Balls? I’ll give you balls……

  112. 112
    Olly boy says:

    I’m sure this’ll get Mandelbum’s attention…..

  113. 113
    So17 says:

    ‘Popes fall broken by naked alter boy’

    Didn’t Sarah Brown meet the pope not long ago?
    It’s the Curse I tell ye.

  114. 114

    “Fuck I left my wallet at Mandy’s house again”

  115. 115
    Simon R says:

    He was a cabinet minister mate, that’s all. What you need to do is work out who’s running the country you’re living in, spending the taxes your paying and representing you abroad. When your Playstation divorces you.

  116. 116
    Cameronian says:

    Call me Jimmy. Nobody else does.

  117. 117
    Short-charned Licence Fee Payer says:

    That’s our money she’s spending. Have you had your gift yet?

    No, neither have I….

  118. 118
    NewGirl says:

    I do! I’m a big fan of Hague.

  119. 119
    JGS says:

    Man in silly shorts wishes he was young again.

  120. 120
    Simon R says:

    Poor swine flu has been told to rest up until gets bored with the lack of publicity and fucks off. Scientists are trying to develop a vaccine to stop you preaching socialism from your mansion and money grabbing, which should help.

  121. 121
    Alan Philip Bonggg says:

    Look, Gordon, I’m not standing against you. OK? Now come out here and give me my fucking trousers back!

  122. 122
    thick as thieves says:

    now now, calm down ladies.
    oh and charles, please try not to be such a fucking bitch all the time, eh?
    do you crippled trolls really need to be so loud all the time?
    and do you really think that the bilge you are pumping out here offers any value to the proportion of votes your respective scum parties hope to win in the next election?
    don’t be daft!
    you c’unts are dancing to my fucking tune now motherfuckers.
    good innit.

  123. 123
    can't spell, won't spell says:

    Dunno, mate. We’re all trying to guess.

  124. 124
    Master Baiter says:

    Nice hips

    (in the clip)

  125. 125
    thick as thieves says:

    you have mastered cut and paste.
    well done retard.
    gold star.

  126. 126
    Anonymous says:

    Personality disorders?

  127. 127
    Gordon Brown NO!!!! says:


  128. 128
    I never briefed that darling was for the chop, Tom Bradby, I'm honest Gordon says:


  129. 129
    Porky Pies MP says:

    Thank you Simon, if you must know I’m too old for a Playstation and spent my youth enjoying much better pleasures than pathetic little things like that.

    The reason I asked is because I wasn’t sure about the figure being Purnell, I’ve only ever seen the guy in a suit and full face portrait photo and I am well aware of that lizard-lipped bastard. Oh and all the other Ministers etc that supposedly run this cesspit of a country. From the photo angle the guy has more of a resemblence to Gordon Ramsey or perhaps Beckham. One thing I do know, it’s certainly not Prescott!

  130. 130
    thick as thieves says:

    you called?
    broke and jobless you useless fucking c’unt.
    get off your fat arse, go to a work agency and get a fucking job.
    when you have done that and have got a few quid behind you, then and only then will you be in a postition to even mention my name in passing.
    you useless fat fuck.
    oh and obviously 12.54pm is not me you fucking moron.
    12.54 seems to be brain damaged whereas I am a genius.
    suck it up motherfucker.

  131. 131
    Trough Mixture says:

    Piss poor Gladstone lookalike.

    Workhouses and Brown’s Contingency Funds.

    Unsanitary fecker.

  132. 132
    Penfold says:

    I see that he is headed for the correct gateway….OUT.

  133. 133
    Simon R says:

    Sorry Porky, was just being an anorak and suspected you of ZanuLabour sympathies ;)

  134. 134
    sixtypoundsaweekcleaner says:


  135. 135
    Alan Philip Bonggg says:

    MP’s left foot shagged by amicable grey rabbit.

  136. 136
    righty right wing (mrs) says:

    I really must avoid those Pimms & Guinness evenings with Guido…where the hell are my trousers?….

  137. 137
    FarmerGiles says:

    Trousers and socks taken off allowed expenses list.

  138. 138
    vervet says:

    Typical NuLiebour twonk …. in through the out gate …. or has he been ‘outed’ ?

  139. 139
    righty right wing (mrs) says:

    Keep going son, you are bound to fall across one semi literate & semi humourous caption soon.

    Don’t give in.

  140. 140
    Tin Cunliffe-Arsely says:


  141. 141
    Sir William Waad says:

    The Telegraph scares the pants off another MP.

  142. 142
    righty right wing (mrs) says:

    So, you have not read any of her childrens books but they are “full of strategy?”

    Charles, if you know that the candle is fire, then the meal was cooked sometime ago.

  143. 143
    Angry Voter says:

    Fuck you Jimmy.

  144. 144
    Mrs Hardwidge says:

    Charlie, what did you do with Uncle Peter’s pills – the ones he takes for his little probelm? Have you hidden them again you naughty boy?

  145. 145

    The Tories have tried to frame Labour as authoritarian while appealing to the gallery, and the Green affair is just another play on that.

    You’re trying to lay on a tighter and tighter perspective but those are your words not mine. I’d give up. You’ll only strangle yourself into nothing.

    There’s a lot of grandstanding and populism in here but I’ve, mostly, ignored it so “THE RAGE” ends up painting itself into a corner.

    A gift declined is a gift for who?

  146. 146
    Simon R says:

    Since losing his job, Purnell went to pieces and now believes that he’s Bruno…

    “Is it a coincidence that all the good people have long hair, like Jesus, and like hippies and, you know, Rod Stewart?”

  147. 147
    jgm2 says:

    James Purnell draws the short straw and is first person to take the one way walk to ‘the showers’ under Reichschancellor Brown’s ‘Final Solution’.

  148. 148
    Dick Scratcher says:

    Does she have a toll booth by that gob?

  149. 149
    I never briefed that darling was for the chop, Tom Bradby, I'm honest Gordon says:

    Gordon’s very first budget in 1997, concentrates on stability and the long term investment of businesses and people.

    So why, after 12 years are we still waiting?

    Confirmation, that politicians are there for their own self gratification and POWER. thus was it ever anything else?

    full text http://archive.treasury.gov.uk/pub/html/budget97/speech.html

    • The dynamic economies of the future will be those that unlock the talent of all their people, and our creativity, our adaptability, our belief in hard work and self-improvement, the very qualities that made Britain lead the world in the 18th and 19th centuries are precisely the qualities we need to make Britain a strong economic power in the 21st century.

    • But to achieve this we must address the four weaknesses that have held us back for too long and for too many years – instability, underinvestment, unemployment, and the waste of talent.

    • In this Budget I will address each of these weaknesses in turn to ensure stability, investment, work, and opportunity for all.

    • It is essential that consumer spending is underpinned by investment and industrial growth.

    • Britain cannot afford a recurrence of the all too familiar pattern of previous recoveries: accelerating consumer spending and borrowing side by side with skills shortages, capacity constraints, increased imports and rising inflation.

    • Already there are warning signs that this pattern could be repeated. In similar circumstances some of my predecessors have ignored these signs while others have deluded themselves into believing that growth, however unbalanced, was evidence of their success. I will not ignore the warning signs and I will not repeat past mistakes.

    • To achieve long-term stability is to achieve something no Government has done for decades.

    • But stability is a necessary, not a sufficient, condition for the Government’s objectives of high and stable levels of growth and employment.

  150. 150

    Dear Old Trout

    I never give in!

    An example of that was me trying to save an elderly woman on a bus who had a heart attack.

    I took charge as the passengers either did nothing or bolted. The driver stood about doing nothing too.

    It is not in my nature.

    Yours sincerely

    George Laird
    The Campaign for Human Rights at Glasgow

  151. 151
    Purpleline says:

    Bryant- pull your fucking pants up you bent Hunt I am not going to do you doggy fashion in this black hole.

    You know I prefer Gordons, you welsh poof now feck off I want to come through not cum too

  152. 152
    Betty Battenberg says:

    “Any old random back passage” OR “The back passage”

  153. 153
    Jesus Christ (MK II) says:

    …And, Purnell came in his shorts, quite a change because he usually comes on the walls of his flat.

  154. 154
    Sue Tzuzir says:


  155. 155
    Dick Scratcher says:

    The Scout Association announce their new Chief Scout. Mandy joins & goes for his tea bagging badge.

  156. 156
    Charles Flaccidwidger says:

    “Keep going son, you are bound to fall across one semi literate & semi humourous caption soon.”

    I wouldn’t bet on it.

  157. 157
    Gordon's brown eye says:

    Wrong eye as usual

  158. 158
    Sue Tzuzir says:

    No, no, no give up and fuck off

  159. 159
    Osama Bin Liner says:

    You imposter

  160. 160
    ThatGuy says:

    How many times? I’m the ex Secretary of State for paperclips for Chrissake.
    Not Chris “Check My Underpants” Bryant

  161. 161
    Master Baiter says:

    War cheerleader
    Fox News
    News International
    News of the World
    Andy Coulson
    Conservative public relations

  162. 162
    I never briefed that darling was for the chop, Tom Bradby, I'm honest Gordon says:




  163. 163
    agent of Chaos says:

    Did you catch Top Gear last week? Nowhere to nowhere for 37p, flat rate. It sounds like a bargain (if you live in Nowhere). Aside from that, it showed the Royal Mail to be a fantastically well-organised machine (and in no way a Potemkin utility, primed to give VIP status to a top-rated TV show’s latest folly).

    37p is a relic of the 19th century dream of a Universal Postal Service. It will be missed, as such things usually are, too little – and only after it has faded into memory. Maybe we should ring-fence it from modernity and agree that society should bear the cost.

  164. 164
    I never briefed that darling was for the chop, Tom Bradby, I'm honest Gordon says:



  165. 165
    Doctor Mick says:

    Lady boy

  166. 166
    varsteiner says:

    Jeez, last time I saw legs like that they were hanging out of a nest.

  167. 167
    agent of Chaos says:


  168. 168
    I never briefed that darling was for the chop, Tom Bradby, I'm honest Gordon says:

    Another soldier murdered today.



  169. 169
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    Hague is the most impressive performer in the Tory ranks – also being a Northerner and not a public school boy blunts Labour’s class warfare.

  170. 170
    Anonymous says:

    We’re closing in on benefit expenses cheats.

  171. 171
    I never briefed that darling was for the chop, Tom Bradby, I'm honest Gordon says:





    DEJA VU?

  172. 172

    Dear All

    James Purnell would have a heart attack if I smeared his legs in lard.

    Yours sincerely

    George Lewd
    The Campaign for Humane Tights at Glasgow University

  173. 173
    agent of Chaos says:

    A gift correctly declined is “a gift for whom“.

  174. 174
    Eve Ryman says:

    Indeed. A Booth toll booth, in fact.

  175. 175

    Blogger snaps knackered jogger.

  176. 176
    Dick the Prick says:

    Feel the Byrne (whoops – just puked on my pute)

  177. 177

    Dear Sue

    Have you washed this morning?

    I detect an odour of bullshit.

    Yours sincerely

    George Laird
    The Campaign for Human Rights at Glasgow University

  178. 178
    Maqboul al Aboula says:

    Purnell plays poker with Mandy.

  179. 179
    Maqboul al Aboula says:

    What’s the punchline honky?

  180. 180
    m and b the trolls brew[weak dribble but with a big head] says:

    Is that your best ? you must be slowing down for the weekend !.

  181. 181
    Maqboul al Aboula says:

    Perhaps your nose is too close to your arse Laird?


  182. 182
    Man on the Clapham omnibus says:


    Pound falls as IMF warns of ‘dramatic deterioration’ in UK finances


  183. 183
    Maqboul al Aboula says:

    When does the twat ever speed up?

  184. 184
    Bruce Dickinson says:

    Have we met?

  185. 185
    Maqboul al Aboula says:

    Twelve people dies of swine flu this months.

    So it is safer to be in Helmand in a snatch landrovers than to be an NHS patient in Browns Britan.

  186. 186
    H.M.S. Rodney says:

    Fit for purpose – Going forward

  187. 187
    no longer anonymous says:

    Best so far.

  188. 188
    Steve says:

    That’s Ed Hallam isn’t it?

  189. 189
    The Beast Of Clerkenwell says:

    Bruno visits Browno

  190. 190
    The Beast Of Clerkenwell says:


  191. 191
    Tackling worklessness says:

    He’s single again?

    Just goes to show, without their ministerial salaries, these Labour ministers just aren’t very attractive. I don’t expect Prescott would have gone very far in opposition.

  192. 192
    What Charles Hardwidge Really Believes says:

    Comment like yours is just more of the same claims and kicking someone up the ass. It’s pure trolling and flamebait: unaccountable wind-up. It’s illogical and selfish – the politics of ego.

    So, you can cut the bullshit and patronising attitude. It just makes you look a bigger ass.

    Still, it’s your karma.
    Charles Hardwidge @ 7:59 pm, Mon 16th Feb 2009 on LabourList

  193. 193
    thick as thieves says:

    said the lesbian zionist nazi.

  194. 194
    Cameronian says:

    Are you talking to me?

  195. 195
    Bruno says:

    Ich bin ein binliner

  196. 196
    "When all this nonsense over MP's expenses is over" says:

    Totally agree. Move over Camerhoon.

  197. 197

    When a party is marginalised, like the B&P, it tends to only damage itself, but where a party like the Conservatives get power they tend to destroy the country. Some folks will trot out the old equivalence argument and say that Labour is no different but they’d be confusing presentation with substance, and throwing integrity to the wind.

    People are attracted to leaders (or the illusion of leadership) and talk up consensus (but are attracted to people like themselves), so their own minds confuse themselves and they act out what they sincerely believe to be true without realising that they’re rowing in entirely the opposite direction. If they were more humble and had a sense of humour they’d get the irony of this and let go.

  198. 198
    "When all this nonsense over MP's expenses is over" says:

    Now if that were not so true it would be funny

  199. 199
    Charles Flaccidwidger says:

    When he’s on the vinegar strokes.

  200. 200
    Dick Scratcher says:

    Surely pokim?

  201. 201
    Doctor Mick says:

    said the raging nancy boy (Ind.)

  202. 202
    Hairofthedog says:

    Absolutely brilliant!!

    Hague was a man before his time. Sadly.

  203. 203
    "When all this nonsense over MP's expenses is over" says:

    Labour since 1997 never had any integrity.

    In fact they would neither know how to spell it, or understand the meaning of the word.

    Give us a break Hawkey…preach to the converted not to those who have a brain and use it.

  204. 204
    Maqboul al Aboula says:

    Who’s joking honky?


  205. 205
    Ruth Kelly's plaything says:

    Much as I detest Bliar I cannot POSSIBLY sign that petition.

    Its complaint is that he is not sufficiently committed to further integration and HE IS NOT ‘EUROPEAN’ ENOUGH!!!

    Now, if Nigel Farage were in the frame, I’d vote for him, or for anyone who might bring down this expensive house of cards. Faute de mieux, Bliar might even be that man………but, given his slippery character, how do we know?

  206. 206
    Mrs Hardwidge says:

    James Purnell during his visit to Tameside General Hospital


    James Purnell visits his fridge magnet collection at the V & A


    James Purnell tries to remember where he lives

  207. 207
    Dick Scratcher says:

    We need Tebbit back.

  208. 208
    Ali Bongo says:

    Look into my eyes, the eyes, the eyes, not around the eyes, don’t look around the eyes, look into my eyes. *click* You’re under!

  209. 209
    EastEnder says:

    Leave it aht! ‘E ain’t werf it!

  210. 210
    This is not an aspirational handle says:

    OT, but in times gone by people would connect those statements in caps. They would say the second was the reason for the first, mediated by a thing called Moloch.

  211. 211
    backwoodsman says:

    Following the collapse of his buy to let potfolio, purnell hoped nobody noticed he was squatting in one of mandys’ unused grace and favour properties

  212. 212

    Bloomin’ heck Guido you have a better Purnell caption competition than we do today!


  213. 213
    Ruth Kelly's plaything says:

    Prayer affects only the state of mind of the person praying.

    In any case, even if it had objective effect, prayer would not be necessary to achieve the final crushing of the UK’s third experiment with socialist centralisation. After the next GE Britain need never again suffer from the delusions of these spendthrift ideologues whose deranged nostrums have failed so spectacularly and at such cost.

    Three strikes (sic – a specialism of the socialist ‘worker’) and you’re out, for ever.

  214. 214

    Dear Maqboul al Aboula

    “Perhaps your nose is too close to your arse Laird?”

    Oh, how wounding of you.

    I would like a kebab, salad no sauce and a can of irn bru.


    Yours sincerely

    George Laird
    The Campaign for Human Rights at Glasgow University

  215. 215

    Dear Maqboul al Aboula

    “Twelve people dies of swine flu this months”


    Twelve people died of swine flu this month.

    “So it is safer to be in Helmand in a snatch landrovers than to be an NHS patient in Browns Britan”.


    So it is safer to be in Helmand in a snatch landrover than to be an NHS patient in Brown’s Britain.

    Shit spelling there son.

    I am still waiting on my kebab and can.

    Yours sincerely

    George Laird
    The Campaign for Human Rights at Glasgow University

  216. 216
    Turp Dickin says:

    Dr Mick

    You seem to have an unhealthy appetite for same sex fantasies. Is there anything you would like to share with the group other than your pathetic attempts at hilarity?
    No need to answer. We’ve heard all your drivel before.
    Do keep trying to entertain us all though this blog wouldn’t be the same without its resident toilet licker.

  217. 217
    Anonymous says:

    PURNELL – ‘Labour is living in the past..’


    Full story in the Graun tomorrow..

  218. 218
    Ruth Kelly's plaything says:

    Luton and Leicester are reported as hot-spots for swine flu. They also have large Muslim populations.

    Could any of the many mullahs who post here enlighten me – what does a devout Muslim do when he catches a disease that is clearly haram? Is it already being touted as a CIA plot to damage their religion?

    For that matter, what do the Stamford Hill hard men of Judaism do under the same circs?

    Not the most important of issues facing a world in which cowardly NuLab MPs have allowed a harmless autistic Englishman to be deported to the USA for decades of gaol, but the sight of people counting angels on pinheads has always amused me.

  219. 219
    grandma B says:

    Charles, what are you trying to say? I read your blogs and they totally confuse me. I know I’m past the first flush of youth, but my brain functions pretty well. The more
    rubbish you talk, the more I want to vote Tory. Perhaps that’s your plan! If so, you’ve succeeded.

  220. 220
    Broke and Jobless says:

    takes one to know one, how’s life on the dole treating you TAT?

  221. 221
    Anonymous says:

    Hmm, if only Brown had done like the speech announced, we’d be better off.

  222. 222
    Hugh Janus says:

    Nothing trivial I hope??

  223. 223
    snotgobblersunited aka raith rovers says:

    Dear Dode,

    He aint an arab he’s a piss taker.

    Just popped on for a bit and saw my old compadre. See Lothian and borders rozzers have been caught poluting the Scottish News and Blogosphere? Naughty…..

    Yours sincerely


  224. 224
    Sue Tzuzir says:

    Comedy gold George, comedy gold.

  225. 225
    Anonymous says:

    “short-term trivialities like .. recessions”

    “Lord Mandelson, the Business Secretary, [said] that Britain faces a decade of public spending “constraints” to “rebalance” its finances.” – Times, July 16th

    By “rebalance”, Mandy means “pay back the 1.5 trillion Gordon’s borrowed, er plus the PFI”.

    Funny thing is, haven’t we just had 14 years of economic boom, with Labour in charge during 12 of them? So where exactly did Labour put all the dosh?

  226. 226
    thick as thieves says:

    said the homophobic lesbian zionist nazi.
    you could not make this fucking shit up.
    you couldn’t though, could you?

  227. 227
    thick as thieves says:

    fuck off dole boy.
    you fucking scrounging c’unt.
    have you got a disability that prevents you from working?
    nah, you’re just a lazy c’unt, innit.

  228. 228
    George Lard says:

    You’ll get fat eating kebabs son.

  229. 229
    bdbcks says:

    traitor practices lamp post dodging techniques.

  230. 230
    Aaron A Aardvark says:

    I’m reasonably sure each sentence of his blathering is selected at random from a list; probably a numbered list of inanities and the selection is made by throwing dice.

  231. 231
    What Charles Hardwidge Really Believes says:

    Troll and flamebait comments become an issue if they go above about 5%. This is consistent with criminals and nutters in society. Trouble breeds trouble so it’s best to shut it down or shove it out of the way before it takes over the place. That’s pretty much a fact and anyone who says different is lying or doesn’t know what they’re talking about.
    Charles Hardwidge @ 8:30 pm, Thu 12th Feb 2009 LabourList

  232. 232

    Dear George Lard

    “You’ll get fat eating kebabs son”.


    I will have to risk.

    Multiculturalism comes first; I am terribly PC.

    Yours sincerely

    George Laird
    The Campaign for Human Rights at Glasgow University

  233. 233
    Alex Slamond says:

    Fuck off Laird, I’m too busy rubbing my fat Mr Toad stomach against wee lads whilst pretending my ancient wife actually is my wife!

  234. 234
    Aaron A Aardvark says:

    Shouldn’t it be “declined correctly”?

  235. 235
    Knife attachment for getting vicars out of choirboys says:

    that three ‘hail sarahs’ for you my lad

  236. 236
    PT Barnum says:

    And in related news, EU food legislation permits the use of unlabelled food proteins to allow water-injected chicken bits to hold together. Manufacturers use DNA-stripped proteins from pigs and cows (cheapest) in chicken portions which are subsequently sold to restaurants and fast food manufacturers, including large numbers of Indian restaurants, which are owned by and sell food to, amongst others, Hindus and Muslims.

    They’re DNA-stripped to prevent their identification.

    As long as the fact of the proteins is declared, the specific source can be concealed. Now that’s seriously good EU law innit?

  237. 237
    clint says:

    It’s no joke mate. Fuckwidge is the blogging equivalent of tumbleweed blowing through a deserted town.

  238. 238
    Ruth Kelly's plaything says:

    ‘If they were more humble and had a sense of humour they’d get the irony of this and let go.’

    O, Physician, heal thyself!

  239. 239
    Sir William Waad says:

    Those were “the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the creeping locust, the stripping locust and the gnawing locust.” Some of that dosh soaked into the desert sands, some of it lined the pockets of consultants, some of it was well spent, some of it went on vanity projects, some of it was paid to the ‘sick’ and the unemployed to keep them under economic house arrest, some of it was simply urinated in a mural direction.

    Nobody cared, because, after all, it was just Government Money, money that never had to be got by hard work, skill, thrift or even luck, money that nobody loved, cared about or sweated over, money that was just found in great heaps on the floor, waiting to be spent, money that could be used for any purpose whatever or for no purpose at all.

  240. 240
    Campaign for Our Human Rights says:

    Dear George,

    Please respect our human rights by not posting such drivel.

  241. 241
    Alan Philip Bonggg says:

    ‘Ere, Derek, I brought you some Special Brew. Now could you move your sleeping bag so I can get past please.

  242. 242
    Ruth Kelly's plaything says:

    A very nice bit of research/disinterment – well done.

    Now all we need is a Tory leader who will relentlessly repeat those words day after day, causing Brown’s support (still over 20 per cent, remember!) to shrivel and die.

    Instead we’ve got Dave……….

  243. 243
    up the bullingdons says:

    Congratulations, you win a prize for the most boring post since September……1999.

    Your prize? We’ll defer beating the crap out of you until you show signs of life and intelligence.

  244. 244
    up the bullingdons says:

    Issue! Big Issue!

  245. 245
    the scarlet pimp purnell says:

    Does my knob look big in this?

  246. 246
    Agent 99 says:

    mentioned this before…

    many years ago when we used to go camping the campfire had life breathed into it by using a dinner plate and flapping it quickly to blow air across the embers in the vain hope of bringing the fire back to life.

    We called it “flapperplating”

    Reading MB’s coulsongate shite it took me back years and I would say this is probably the electronic verion of “flapperplating”

    Did not really work then and MB proves it still dosent work despite how hard and how long you tried.

  247. 247
    Ruth Kelly's plaything says:

    I don’t think Popes have altered boys for over a century now – at least, not for the purposes of maintaining their singing voices if you judge by the lamentable standard of today’s choral work in St Peter’s.

    And the altar boys there are middle-aged priests. All very confusing.

  248. 248
    nigel says:

    Sorry to hear that.

  249. 249
    filipinomonkey says:

    Attempts to modernise House of Commons dress code go a step too far…

  250. 250
    up the bullingdons says:

    Somebody is obviously holding a pair of queens.

  251. 251
    Darcy says:

    He did not run the DWP., Capita runs DWP! They are all incapable of running anything hence the Quango situation.

  252. 252
    Pugh, Pugh, Barny Magrew, Cuthbert Dibble and Grub (I think. Correct me if I'm wrong) says:

    Does my…

    Best on yet.

  253. 253
    tick as tieves, tats oirish cousin says:

    Yeah, very good.

    ( Just humour him folks. Keeps him sweet.)

  254. 254
    Angry Voter says:

    No, I’m writing to you.

  255. 255
    LMoFitCoHaHitCoDFSoSaSoSfBIS says:

    Mr Fawkes please moderate your site so anything with sexual references about me is not published. If the BBC comply with my demands I would have thought if they are at my beck and call – so should you be – but let me put the record strait- whilst I like Mr Purnell no way am I sexually attracted to him – Rogering him would not forward my career in anyway and, he is over 25 yrs of age.

    Tony is my only true love – I love Tony.. Tony for EU president

    Well back to plotting and scheming

    ps – Gordo is hard work, and doesnt listen.. He got a hard time in PMQ and that select committee over these stupid helicopers.. and he come storming in saying we gotta get that fu*king General Doughnut.. Next thing all over front page of ToryGraph… when will he ever learn – dont get mad get even…

  256. 256
    caesars wife says:

    As james purnell continues his brave quest to find the holy grail , he finds himself alone at the gates of the carlton club

    JP : Knock knock (a small hatch slides and the doorman asks “who are you and what is your quest”)

    JP “i am James purnell , former culture minister and considered to be the cleverist amongs the labour party , my quest is to become labour party leader , make Ed Balls cry and reignite the bring back Blair campaign of olde”

    Doorman “I see I think I can help you, the public gents is 3 doors up on your right , stand there with your todger hanging out and you will soon recieve the wisdom that you seek for your quest, tell the attendeant bercow sent you”

  257. 257
    jimmy says:

    Why does Gordon always ask me to come round the back?

  258. 258
    confused.com says:

    Am I really here, or have I just been photoshopped?

  259. 259
    barefootcontessa says:

    With those legs? Wouldn’t take you far in the T de France. Wonder why men who have the worst legs want to show them off all the time?

  260. 260
    barefootcontessa says:

    Bingo!…… legs eleven!

  261. 261
    barefootcontessa says:

    Well you seem to be able to!

  262. 262
    Unemployable says:

    Is this the Dole Office?

  263. 263
    Anonymous says:


  264. 264
    Blakey's crap haiku says:

    The next bus will be five minutes
    jump right on it
    and fuck right off
    you’re a total twat

  265. 265
    Choir Master says:

    Get yourself round here now!

  266. 266
    Lord Vishnu says:

    You need a good kicking up the kundalini

  267. 267
    Trevor Phillips says:

    No you’re not.
    You are a twat

  268. 268
    Unemployed says:

    On your bike

  269. 269
    Donald (Redacted) says:

    The location of my pants is a known known. We know where they are. They’re in the area around Tikrit and Baghdad and east, west, south and north somewhat.

  270. 270
    Anonymous says:

    That’s a very eloquent answer, and I thank you for it (very genuinely), very much, but where did the money actually go? I mean, every socialist in Britain (ok, not a big club, and getting smaller by the day, but there are a few of them left) say that “state spending oils the wheels of the economy”. So, Gordon’s spent 12 years spending money like water and as soon as a recession hits he has absolutely no money in the bank and has to borrow 1.5 trillion pounds (and start printing money) to pay his bills. Now he has to pay that 1.5 trillion back, plus interest.

    I understand how he wasted all the money (equality and diversity managers and all the other non-jobs advertised in the Guardian), but where is the money now?

    Anyway, my caption; “English taxpayer, fleeced by Brown, makes for the exit.”

  271. 271
    moi says:

    Recess at Jim’s Gym.

  272. 272
    Anonymous says:

    I haven’t read Shakespeare, but I’ve seen The Forbidden Planet a couple of times, which is based on The Tempest. Same fing, innit?

    Yeah. Itz gr8 bein intellectual.

  273. 273

    The Beast scuttles back to his lair, his impregnating activities being completed in record time.

  274. 274
    Grrr says:

    Not to mention the following year’s budget http://archive.treasury.gov.uk/budget/1998/chxstat2.htm which promised:

    “Instead of punishing success by high taxation or offering the incentive of low taxation to only a few, the new ambition is a tax system that makes all work pay, that encourages skills and rewards enterprise and entrepreneurship throughout the economy.

    For those who build businesses or stake their own hard earned money in them, the long-term [capital gains tax] rate will be reduced even more from 40p to 10p, the lowest rate ever achieved.

    This Government today sends a clear signal of support for enterprise to those who invest in the UK. My message to business is – when you are ready to start out, start up, start investing or start hiring – this Government is on your side.”

    You couldn’t make it up………..

  275. 275
    irn bru snorter says:

    Royal London Clap Clinic.
    Please enter by side door.

  276. 276
    Anonymous says:

    Crikey, that’s good!

  277. 277
    Aaron A Aardvark says:

    I haven’t read Shakespeare’s books, but I’ve watched The Forbidden Planet, which is apparently like “The Tempest”.

    Gr8 watchin’ films insted of readin’ books, innit? Very Labour.

    X L ent. No dummin dahn.

  278. 278
    James says:

    This way to the Job centre, sanctions will apply.

  279. 279
    down but not out says:

    Purnell returns home dejectedly after suddenly finding out it isn’t the 1970’s any more.

  280. 280
    Jonathan King says:

    They do. He’s just been to tea with Blair, Falconer and Mandelson.

  281. 281
    Phil_Sykes says:

    Follow me guys…

  282. 282
    Pluperfect Subjunctive says:

    I think we may have been introduced by Alan Sillitoe.

  283. 283

    […] Friday Caption Competition (Exclusive Purnell Hotpants Edition) N.B. If you like what you see, he is back on the market ladies… […]

  284. 284
    strapworld says:

    It is a fact that in poor economic times, skirts get shorter.

  285. 285
    Major Bonkers says:

    (Thinks) I’ve got to get a new pair of shorts – these are squeezing my Eds.

  286. 286
    alex taylor says:

    l think he is trying to catch Dales attention

  287. 287
    Anonymous says:

    ” I hope I haven’t ‘stretched the elastic to breaking point’…” !

  288. 288
    Grizzelda Guid says:

    That really did make me laugh.
    Isn’t that what they all need “a shot up the arse”.

  289. 289
    thick as thieves says:

    well I do offer the most interesting and plausible narrative, innit.

  290. 290
    thick as thieves says:

    obviously if you have got a disability I fully retract that last bit.
    still friends?

  291. 291
    Anonymous says:

    Mr whippy said if I spoke out Gordon would have the shirt of my back, I did not see Chris Bryant lurking in the shadows.

  292. 292
    Grizzelda Guid says:

    I concur.

  293. 293
    bandersnatch says:

    Purnell, reduced to modelling sportswear, creeps into the photo-shoot by the tradesmen’s exit.

  294. 294
    Biffo says:

    Are you referring to his shorts?

  295. 295
    Biffo says:

    And his haircut really – yes, for the caption:

    Labour Minister returns from 30 year timewarp

  296. 296
    Old Grumpy says:

    118? BOLLOCKS!

    (Christ! they’re freezin’!)

  297. 297
    down but not out says:

    Yes – maybe he has eventually found out hotpants and sideburns aren’t fashionable anymore.

  298. 298
    one in the eye says:

    One for the sort-sighted.

  299. 299
    The long walk says:

    So now,as I walk to the bondage chamber that is No.10,there will be Brown to the front of me and Mandelson to the rear of me….I am completely buggered now…two evil men running this once great country.

  300. 300
    Scallywag says:

    What a posh public convenience!

  301. 301
    Churchill's Cattleprod says:

    Purnell proves Margaret Thatcher’s Theory of Socialism – “All mouth and no trousers”

  302. 302
    Anonymous says:

    [cue bananarama music..]

    “I’m Guility [guilty] of a fuck-up in the first degree.”

  303. 303

    Mandelson always enters via the rear entrance !

  304. 304
    Anonymous says:

    ”…has the elastic stretched beyond the point where I am being true to myself?”

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