July 16th, 2009

Jonah Jinx Jeopardises Jobs

imperialThe effectiveness of the curse of Jonah Brown is accelerating:

Last week :
Gordon Brown Backs Aluminium Plant- BBC

Today:
Aluminium Plant Cutting 250 Jobs – BBC

Two days ago:
Brown and Ministers Highlight Imperial Healthcare Innovation

Imperial College News

Hours later :
Axe Hovers Over Imperial’s Faculty of Medicine

Times Higher Education Supplement

If he plans to visit your office, throw a sickie or risk getting the sack days later…


154 Comments

  1. 1
  2. 2
    It's all Balls says:

    The problem is he has already visited UK plc and look what a mess he’s made of that little enterprise

    Like

  3. 3
    Sukyspook says:

    Perhaps we should get Bliar back and let Gordo “run” the EU…..that’ll surely make the EU fall apart soon enough – YAYYYYYY!

    On second thoughts……anyone but Bliar….and Brown….and Balls…..and Smith….and Millibands….and…..

    Like

  4. 4

    I hope he sends himself some best wishes

    Like

  5. 5
    petitioner says:

    Guido,

    When are you going to revisit the resignation petition- http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/
    69000 people cannot be wrong?

    Like

    • 10
      Throbber says:

      Just got a repsonse to a petition…

      “We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to call a general election immediately.”

      Read the Government’s response

      Thank you for your e-petition.

      As you may be aware, a general election must be called before June 2010, when the whole country will have an opportunity to express their point of view.

      In the meantime, you may be interested to read the Government’s recently published plan, Building Britain’s Future. The document sets out a radical vision for a fairer, stronger and more prosperous society for all.

      You can read the proposals, and take part in the debate about the country’s future, at the following website

      Just like question time – don’t answer the question – give some tractor stats, fingers in ears lalalalalalaa.

      Like

      • 22
        Master Baiter says:

        There is some way to go before this can be taken seriously.
        Consider the 1,700,000 plus who signed against road pricing.
        Only 1,631,000 or more short of that with this slow meandering effort.
        At the present rate of increase it will match the road pricing petition sometime in the year 2031 or beyond.
        It’s been a bit of a flaccid effort, really.

        Like

        • 26
          The Apostolic Archbishop of East Anglia says:

          What is your prediction for Norwich North, MB? A Labour hold?

          Like

        • 37
          Master Baiter says:

          Road pricing petition 1,700,000.
          Resignation petition 69,000.

          Har dee har har pfar pfar hee hee hmm kfvurr

          Like

        • 47
          Reg511 says:

          Just like your handlers MB, no answer to the question, tractor stats

          Like

        • 51
          Master Baiter says:

          You are a parody of yourself, fantastic but flaccid.

          Like

        • 57
          Tin Cunliffe-Arsely says:

          Oh look. MB trying to bash the archbishop!

          … more importantly – has he seen what paddy power thinks about the next result in chorley. He’ll have to get himself a different job.

          Like

        • 65
          Santa Claus says:

          Norwich North? A definate Labour hold. Increased majority.

          Like

        • 130
          Sarge says:

          or the 5 million who protsted against the Iraq war. I don’t see how ignoring the electorate is anything for your lot to be proud of.

          Like

      • 23
        The Apostolic Archbishop of East Anglia says:

        It was written by Charles E. Hardwidge.

        Like

      • 54
        This is not an aspirational handle says:

        “Building Britain’s Future” – what does it really mean?

        Behold: “Deconstructing Britain’s past

        Like

        • 135
          Lizzie says:

          It means they are trying to put “Humpty” together again. Labour have destroyed Britain.

          Like

    • 11
      Steve Expat says:

      There was also another petition calling for an election. No.10 has published a response today

      http://www.number10.gov.uk/Page20043

      basically it says fuck off and wait until we call it sometime in the next 10 months (unless Swine Flu intervenes and postpones it, of course)…

      Wankers the lot of them – ELECTION TOMORROW PLEASE!

      Like

  6. 6
    Penfold says:

    Can he not visit the Berlayamont building in Brussels or the EU Parliament in the hope that Alky Ada do us all a massive favour……. ;-)

    I for one, apres such an event, would recommend the handing over of Afghan to to the Taliban in grateful thanks.

    Like

    • 16
      Steve Expat says:

      Last time he went to the EU Parliament he got “Hannan’d” – Will he be supporting the “Yes” campaign in the Irish referendum? Let’s hope so…

      Like

      • 44
        Hamish Macbeth says:

        “Will he be supporting the “Yes” campaign in the Irish referendum? Let’s hope so…””

        Lets hope so – too true.
        Lets hope the Irish citizens can do the “honours” again – not just for themselves, but also for the Brits and the rest of Europe who have been denied the opportunity to vote.

        Like

      • 129
        Aethelred says:

        Every time they ask the Irish to get it right surely means that more of them will vote the “wrong” way. How else are they to assert their right to democracy?

        Like

        • 133
          Steve Expat says:

          Let’s hope they do. Guido’s Irish so I think we might not have heard the last of this one!

          Like

  7. 8
    PT Barnum says:

    “But earlier this year, Imperial lost £5 million in recurrent research funding following disappointing results in some areas of the 2008 research assessment exercise.

    The college was ranked 11th in Times Higher Education’s Table of Excellence in cancer studies, and fifth in cardiovascular medicine.”

    This has less to do with Jonah’s fatal touch, and more to do with the nonsensical RAE in the latest incarnation where money is awarded to those whose backs are scratched the most, regardless of the actual merit or value of the research.

    RAE has introduced corruption and sharp practice to something which used to be co-operative and mutually constructed, academic research, that thing which can create whole new areas of economic enterprise.

    Like

    • 20

      I’m sure you are right.
      But these research institutions must find a cure for Brown mouth.

      This is a virus that causes the patient to become unable to answer a question.
      Its like a sort of shell shock. No matter how many times a question is asked, or how many different ways in which it is phrased they cannot respond.
      Even if the issue were life and death, say before a defence committee discussing helicopter shortages and troop deployments the afflicted cannot respond at all.
      A Brown Mouth sufferer experiences a prolapsed jaw and a grunting noise through the nose.
      Dr Fekov of the Schadenfreude Institute said
      “It is a terrible condition. It makes the poor sufferer look like a deranged, lying idiot.”

      Like

      • 27
        mad fred 2 para retired says:

        lol

        Like

      • 42
        Penfold says:

        I thought that was Brownian Motion,

        1)the random motion of small particles suspended in a gas or liquid.
        2)the seemingly random movement of particles suspended in a fluid.
        3)A zero-mean continuous-time stochastic process with independent increments (also known as a Wiener process).
        4)the movement of microscopic particles caused by Brownies.
        5)The random kinetic thermal motion of molecules.

        Take your explanation from the above……….

        Like

      • 56
        PT Barnum says:

        No money to research that, mate. Only money for research into the bleedin’ obvious.

        Like

      • 79
        caesars wife says:

        LOL Bill

        I was wondering if Green Tit has been seen , symptoms useually consist of reading the tories enviromental paper , copying it in a hurry , sort of geeky expression on face is the most observable symptom as well poker faced audacity as you read it out to the opposition benches who drafted it .

        Other aspects of Green Tit are onstream lead times vaugness , no idea where or how you can store vast quantities of anything toxic you scrub out of the downstream post combustion gasses , oh and by not mentioning if airflight is to get cut nor a real captal cost for nuclear , who your party donating friends are whilst putting two fingers to real eco problems such as ocean food chain collapse.

        re post 1500 job losses annouced at lloyds TSB HSBO, mmm nice of then to do it post last PMQs for 3 months , total nationalised bank job losses since jan 2009 now at 9000 .

        even more scary no one is quite sure if the unemployment graph will ever drop below 2 million , another aspect of runinomics , is that he may done permanent damage to an irrecoverable employment situation .

        hope comrades/brothers at unite are now happy that there money has supported a party that has done permanet harm to job prospects !!

        CW will only know if this prediction is true in 10 yrs , but non the less has been unable to find any real outcome to employing people when such are extraordinary debts are having to be paid .

        Like

        • 115
          caesars wife says:

          While ime on a roll
          if you have ever swatted a bee or had one hit your windscreen and wondered how much they are worth , an estimate has come of about £100 million /year , well you see you need bees to pollinate , no pollination no fruit , no cross polination no gene mxing and risky moncultures .

          but bee colonies have been mysteriously disappearing sinnce the mid 90s and some people are erm worried .

          fingers are now being pointed at a group of chemicals in some pesticides called neonictinoids , like all good farmers eager to maximise crop yeilds ,neonictinoids work by affecting the insects central nervous system , spray sit back watch insects die and pesticide then decomposes into safer molicules . Its a sort of quit hit whack em type method .

          so why the worry?? , the dear old bees in there bid to make to make honey and grow there colony (we nick it but dont tell them that) have develpoed a very sophistcated sytem of tasting new sources of nectare and then returning to the hive to tell the rest where the food is , by a sort of dance called a “waggle dance” that is in effect co ordinates and distances to the food source .

          round about the tme these chemicals came into use the colonies started disappearing and there is a belief that low levels of neonictinoids affect the bees differently to other insects , end results the bees dont waggle dance and they dont find food and die .

          Anyhow whilst the french have had some concerns about these chemicals , it seems dear old Hilary Benn has taken the armchair approach and not even took the precautionary steps of suspending use . Ah yes nice brandy and cigar and watch it all burn .

          if your interested visit the soil asscoaition website , read about it and sign the petition , cause nu labour are doing nothing

          Like

        • 117

          Very true Caesar’s Wife.
          Green Tit is rife in the commons.
          Many MPs don’t actually have it, but they feel they ought to so they fake the symptoms.

          In the 1980’s many of us were convinced we had Ozone bald spot.
          Then it was Ice Age chin. Aerosol armpit sweat. Purified water cure for cancer and foaming outrage.

          Foaming Outrage, caused by things like Spitting Image, Men Behaving Badly, Video nasties, Pitbulls, Gun clubs, Sword manufactures, grass, catalytic converters, royals shagging or video games is like malaria. It keeps coming back every few years. There is no known cure.

          Some sufferers actually only have the milder Faux-ming outrage, but the symptoms are the same.

          Doctor Mick will enlighten us I’m sure.

          Like

        • 119
          See You Next Tuesday says:

          Ave Uxor Caesari,

          and I share your concern. If you take the B out of AgriBusiness, this will impact substantially on food production & stocks. Some of us have been flagging this up for years (ever since Varroa), and the idiots in Whitehall have done nothing.

          Like

    • 43
      Kno B' Jockee says:

      Fatal touch? Faecal touch more like.

      Like

  8. 9
    Soapy Balls says:

    Ok this stuff is funny but as someone looking at this afar I think it could be said that Brown and his friends are perusing a very clever tactical retreat. The next government is going to be burnt to cinder. Labour will bring the unions on to the street 2010 onwards. Labour will back with, as yet with an unseen leader, with the mantra our cuts would have been kinder etc. Gordon will have got his moment of fame and power and with revisionist thinking will don the mantle of sage and saviour.

    Like

    • 15
      Anonymous says:

      The flaw in your argument is the use of the words ‘Brown’ and ‘very clever’ in close approximation.

      Like

      • 18
        Trevor Brooking says:

        Absolutely right. It must be said of Brown that “Ambition Exceeds Ability”. Clever he ain’t.

        Like

        • 131
          Heidegger says:

          Was it not Wittgenstein who said that “Brown is a lefty fucking Hunt who couldn’t wank his way out of a wet paper bag”?

          Like

        • 144
          Trevor Brooking says:

          heidegger – I agree, he probably couldn’t. In theory, he may be perfectly able to wank his way out of a paper bag, but he’d have to set up a quango first and do a risk assessment and feasibility study before kicking the idea into the long grass.

          Like

    • 85

      Oh no! If they all go on strike, we won’t have to pay them, and they won’t clog up the roads travelling to their non-jobs.

      The next government must quake in fear from the threat of unions revealing how little real demand there is for their members services.

      Like

    • 97
      Bogeyman says:

      If Labour have an “unseen leader” he is still in shorts. There is not a scrap of honest talent in the party (apart from Frank Field and arguably Kate Hoey).

      Meanwhile ZNL only wants to poison the well for the next Tory government – at whatever cost to the country. They are reptiles, traitorous shits of the worst kind.

      Like

  9. 12
    Steve Expat says:

    Did he wish Ricky Ponting the best of luck in the Ashes?

    First Test drawn from the jaws of an Aussie victory, and England are 167 for none so far at Lord’s today…

    Like

  10. 13
    Gordon Brown says:

    I have cancelled my visit to the semen production factory today in light of this news.

    Cumbria have also been put on full alert for earthquakes, tornados, plagues of locusts and fire from heaven.

    Like

    • 66
      Sarah says:

      If I lived in Cumbria I’d be very worried about my first-born, oh, and frogs raining from the sky.

      Like

      • 121
        Captain Haddock says:

        FFS .. keep McHoon well away from Sellafield .. or it’ll be Chernobyl all over again …

        Like

  11. 14
    Ted says:

    Surely if Jonah Brown has supported TB for the EU President he’ll never get the job.

    Like

    • 55
      JMT says:

      But has he, or is this just media speculation?

      He needs to shake the grinning git by the hand, (does Blair look like a jap having a wank or what?) face the cameras and say that he is backing him the hilt.

      Innuendo will not work unfortunately.

      Like

    • 70
      Riff Raff says:

      Just when you thought you were rid of Blair, back he comes like a coldsore.

      Like

  12. 17

    Who’d want to go on holiday in the doomed Lake Distict this year ?

    Like

  13. 19
    Gordon Brown says:

    Good luck Tiger

    Like

  14. 21
    Anonymous says:

    O/T Nice to see all of those moral and upright MP’s sticking to thier guns with regard to the extraditon act

    Quote from the Daily Mail

    Eighty-two Labour MPs signed three Parliamentary motions, dating back to 2005, opposing the Extradition Act and sending Gary McKinnon to the U.S. for trial.

    But only eight of them had the integrity to back the Tory Opposition Day call for an ‘immediate review’ of the one-sided treaty. Of the other 74 Labour backbenchers, 59 displayed rank hypocrisy by supporting the Government. Another 15 abstained.

    unquote

    Probably not a big enough drink in it for them..

    Like

  15. 29
    mad fred 2 para retired says:

    Isn’t it time that McMental proved once & for all that snatch Land Rovers are safe for use in combat zones in Afghanistan by going on a victory road trip around Helmand with the “President of Northern Kabul” Karzai in the passenger seat?

    If its safe enough for 18 year old British troops it is surely safe enough for our courageous Prime Mentalist & his corrupt puppet heroin producing regime there?

    Like

  16. 30
    Cameronian says:

    Poor Sarah cringes everytime the Bottler touches her – not that it happens very often as she used a test tube to conceive.

    Like

  17. 31
    streamfisher says:

    The grim reaper strikes again.

    Like

  18. 34
    The Underdoug says:

    If Jonah’s the curse fuel, Lord Peter Whimsy’s the accelerant.

    Like

  19. 36

    Let us hope Brown doesn’t visit Lord’s

    Like

  20. 45
    JMT says:

    All this Zen stuff is failing him badly – the Jonah effect is backfiring.

    Every morning He draws himself up, looks in the mirror and says:

    “Today my government and I will be smart, impress and do everything right.”

    Like

  21. 60
    anon says:

    Broon is a joke!

    Like

  22. 62
    streamfisher says:

    To Mr Brown.. go fuck yourself as a change from fucking everybody else.

    Like

  23. 63
    Charles Flaccidwidger says:

    If he visits my office, I want to be there to twat the bastard, job loss or not.

    Like

    • 71
      Riff Raff says:

      More likely it’ll guarentee a job promotion! Make sure he is booed and heckled as well.

      Like

      • 80
        Charles Flaccidwidger says:

        He’ll be fucking lucky to get away with just booing and heckling. More like tar and feathering followed by a lynching from what I can tell.

        Like

  24. 64
    Ratsniffer says:

    Keep the dozy bastard well away from the laboratories producing the swine ‘flu vaccine or we’re all dead.

    Like

  25. 67
    Olly boy says:

    HA HA HA HA, hilarious! That post really brightened my afternoon up although the smile was wiped from my face when I thought that he could well be heading my way…..

    Like

  26. 68
    Phew Fernley Shittingstall says:

    Brown appears to think that by visiting a factory he can persuade senior management to change their minds about shedding jobs

    The only reaction Brown got at the Corus plant was, “get the Glade, the dirty bastard has stunk out the gents”

    Like

    • 81
      caesars wife says:

      one worker thought the iron chancellor may have passed a large forged ingot , was relieved to find he could only piss money and not sh** iron

      Like

  27. 75
    normbrainer says:

    Perhaps mandy has given brown some of his satanic powers and assigned him as the grim reaper.

    Like

  28. 88
    PT Barnum says:

    What do you make of this?

    Parliament in Iceland votes to launch bid to join EU after 5 days’ debate.

    Like

  29. 95

    Dear All

    Lets hope Brown wishes Tory Smith, the London Carpet bagger standing in Norwich North well.

    Is it true that Smith struggles to get anyone wanting to talk to her?

    Is she the junior Teddy Taylor?

    Is there no seat she won’t stand in?

    Is she wanting a bigger mortgage in London?

    Stay tuned in the new exciting BBC series, ‘Tory Carpetbagger the train home!’

    Yours sincerely

    George Laird
    The Campaign for Human Rights at Glasgow University

    Like

    • 127
      Little George, his cardboard cutout friend says:

      Big George! Big George! You’re for it now. Your moms on the way to the shed. She’ll find out you’re a secret famous internet weblogger!

      Like

  30. 110
    Michael Bridgwater says:

    Labour MP Colin Challen [Morley & Rothwell] stated in the Commons’ Copenhagen/Climate Change debate to-day (around noon) that in pursuing Carbon Reduction targets since 1979, the contributory factors have been: 1, “The Chase for Gas”; 2, the transfer of engineering work to China, with the return of the gods so manufactured. Clearly there is no ‘Carbon Saving’ in that, but, more important the loss of engineering job opportunity within the UK. Did he realise what he was saying? Carbon Reduction is more important than real job creation. Of course the latest employment figures show a 168,000 (?) increase in HMG employee levels. Gordon prefers non-jobs to either engineering, or, properly funding the military! George W Bush had the foresight to see the relationship between Carbon Reduction and employment, not Commissar [Five Year Plans] Brown however.

    Like

    • 116
      caesars wife says:

      i can see his point , but challen is not really that green , It is of course ecnomic , but default position is do want planet death scenario of how many of 6.5 bn world population do you want to malnourish or starve if global warming leads to loss of crop growing land or loss of fisheries .

      Like

  31. 112
    NotaSheep says:

    I avoid even looking at Downing Street as I pass by, just in case Gordon Brown sees me and gives me one of his eerie smiles. That grin could be enough to ruin my life…

    Like

  32. 114
    Sir William Waad says:

    Blair will be the first ‘elected’ secular leader of Europe since Francis II, the last Holy Roman Emperor, resigned in 1806 and the first person to attempt to rule all Europe since a certain Austrian gentleman with a taste for the music of Wagner. I hope his elevated status as the new Napoleon, the latter-day Charlemagne, doesn’t spoil his natural modesty.

    Like

  33. 120
    Imperialist says:

    I can tell you now that Imperial College London have announced 150 redundancies within the last few weeks.

    Like

  34. 122
    GreenGreenBrown says:

    haven’t you all heard that Green Gordon is promising 400,000 new jobs in the new, all green, environmentally friendly UK plc as a positive way out of the unemployment trap?

    yes, he’s hoping for 400,000 people to act as human windmills in his development of wind farms all around the country. he’s going to feed everyone beans in an effort to regularize the wind flow. surely this can only benefit our great nation?

    Like

    • 145
      Trevor Brooking says:

      he’d be better off putting tubes in the orifices of Labour MPs and their spin doctors and connecting them to the gas supply

      Like

  35. 126
    Watt Tyler says:

    If he visits your office, make sure that you take a gun that day.

    Like

  36. 128
    Steve Expat says:

    Is anyone else watching Chris Bryant getting an absolute kicking on Question TIme?

    What a complete cnut, either give the troops what they need or get them out of there!

    Like

  37. 137
    Another mad Fife git says:

    A Gordon for me, A Gordon for me.
    If your nae a Gordon your nae use tae me –
    The Black Watch are Braw, The Seaforths an’ Aw
    but the cocky wee Gordon’s the pride oh them awe!!

    fek!!

    Like

  38. 138
    The "Angry Aberdonian" says:

    Thank fuck he’s never blessed this blog!

    Like

  39. 139
    J. Gordon Brown PM MP says:

    I congratulate Guido and his website on exposing the corruption of politicians and wish it all the success in the future.

    Like

  40. 147
    1984/25 orwellthatendsbadly says:

    Oh dear……Venezuelan woman with interest in politics expected to have to do photocopying, but was invited to meet the Prime MInister

    Like

  41. 148
    Kezza the Hat says:

    Latest speculation is that he is going to holiday in the Lake District – great, that’s out tourism industry fucked!

    Like

  42. 149
    verticalwater says:

    Henry Allingham, the world’s oldest man and one of the last surviving WWI servicemen, dies at the age of 113.

    Who’s just visited him? yes! Doom himself.

    (Video on Sky News)

    Like

    • 150
      Kezza the Hat says:

      He’s the opposite of King Midas isn’t he, everything he touches turns to shite.

      Like

  43. 151

    [...] Brown: (well, assuming he hadn’t wished them well in the first place as this would have cursed it of course!) “This is a great moment that has only been achieved by the investment we put in: [...]

    Like

  44. 153

    Henry Allingham, who served in the navy and the RAF in WWI, died at the age of 113 a week ago.

    Prime Minister Gordon Brown said: “I had the honour of meeting Harry…”

    Like

  45. 154

    [...] list is quite impressive, from job cuts and academies through to Raith Rovers, Hull’s economy and even Manchester United’s [...]

    Like


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Great to hear Carswell call for inclusive policies and that UKIP must stand for first and second generation immigrants as much as the English.


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