No News from the Government
If you are not getting any government press releases emailed to your inbox Guido has found out why:
The Government News Distribution Service at the Central Office of Information is, due to a system change-over, unable to e-mail out any press releases to subscribers.
The C.O.I. has a £150 million budget to distribute government information and they have lost the email list. A new government I.T. low…
UPDATE : The C.O.I. have been in touch:
There is an issue with the news alert subscriber system which COI is investigating a fix for. No email lists or data have been lost.
So how many months has this been out of order? If you have the email list of subscribers, Guido could probably fix you up in a couple of hours for a small fee…
Damn it, I’ll miss all those press releases about swine flu and badger culls and all the other utterly fascinating stuff they used to send.
Well done for noticing. How much of our money are Labour pissing over all our strawberries, and peoples relatives are dying in a Labour war, and others losing limbs. I feel like constantly furious looks
In the context of the monumental mess the private sector financial institutions and individuals like Bernard Madoff have created, the slips and foibles of state intstitutions pale in to insignificance, really.
You may eat their toxic securities now or be force fed them later, you decide.
you shouldn’t talk about gilts like that
Silly boy, your comparison is juvenile. Whatever education you recieved MB, was wasted on you.
Yup, and who was regulating them? Was it, by any chance, a thick fucking Scottish c’unt called Brown, great glorious beloved leader of the much admired Labour Party?
Ah, yes, Labour.. Labour with the 1.5 trillion pound national debt. The debt that will not be paid off in our lifetimes. The Labour Party with the 20 million pound debt. And no members. And no support from the unions. And nothing in the way of support from the electorate (5 percent at the last elections.. pfft!). Labour with the leader (oh, he’s just so popular, ain’t he?) who banished boom and bust. The leader who doubled the income tax rate for the poorest workers. The same leader who flogged our gold at the bottom of the market? The leader who promised openness, and then gave us a secret Iraq Inquiry? He who promised honesty, and gave us McBride? And our referendum on the EU constitution? And who OK’d Sir Fred ‘Fellow Scottish tosser’ Goodwin’s pension?
As you say, you decide. But the electorate already have. And it will be slaughter for the socialist vermin.
Never mind. “The bumper book of tractor stats and figures”
You can always read that. Your local library has a copy. Or it would do if it hadn’t been shut down under the future Tory cuts that Labour bought forward to 2007.
Quick, quick! Guido’s being flamed by Kneepads White in the Guardian.
This is a much better reason for having ID cards than those I claimed in my article for the Graun, which article has been severely flamed, along with me and my grammar.
Probably left in some civil servant’s car boot and nicked.
Sold to the Ayatollah for 72 Virgins
Billy sunts
Does he? Where?
I’m fucking devastated, and I want a refund.
Shame Gordon can’t lose the keys to No. 10
But he has, so he uses the back-door.
Ha! That made me spit Shiraz over my laptop screen!!! (“,)
Perhaps the contractor in whatever public/private finance arrangement they have has run out of money and the tea boy has run off with the USB key.
Useless muthafuckers.
They deserve to have their budget cut by a 0% increase
Christ. They could pay my company half that to fuck it up.
And these are the c*nts that want to stick all our details on computers! Clearly unfit for purpose, the lot of them.
Typical.
The Penguin
It’s okay for you lot, but what are the poor journos going to do without press releases to give a mild rewrite to?
Work for a living?
The just ring sleazy, hate filled, lying, ghastly, vile, Mcbride for copy dont they?
quite
michael white’s gonna be well fucked
Yes please!
You couldn’t make it up, but they will!
There are so many great small businesses (like mine) that could arrange this better, and I’d do it for a tenth of that budget (FX: Irritated!)
What’s the betting we’ve outsourced it.
Yep! I work in IT, and the Holy Grail of all IT companies seems to be a government contract. Why? Because you put another zero on the end of the quote and no-one bats an eyelid, they are used to accepting tenders from CSC and IBM with massive overheads reflected in the price.
Of course that price and timescale will prove to be wildly optimistic once the project is underway, there’s lots of extra billable days in sorting out the mess that always results…
There is a simple reason why the government are incapable of running IT projects. Scope.
The public sector will never agreee a defined scope at the beginning of the project and see it through to the end. The reasons for this are many – maybe a change of government, a change in technology (we must have it interfacing to Twitter), a change in personnel (government reshuffle) etc etc… All of which have implications in terms of cost and time
We talk in project managerment about “scope creep”, what we see in the public sector is “scope gallop”. Timley, to spec, on budget – choose no more than two…
Having some of the inside track on the NHS IT stuffup, it was less a case of ’scope creep’ than multiple scopes with no discernible direction to even creep in, let alone stride ahead to completion. Too many chiefs, waaaay too numpties sticking their oars in, and a bunch of baffled contractors.
A bunch of baffled contractors charging by the day, that don’t really care how fucked up the project is as long as they get paid.
That added zero is why PFI is a piss-take. And the backhanders. And the giving big contracts to your mates.
Gordon has regularly boasted about how ‘with it’ he is regarding new technology, and how he has lead the world in applying new technology to government – databases, internet presence and that sort of thing. So clearly this latest failure is nothing to do with him.
The word ‘backup’ has obviously been redacted from the IT contract….
No, they back shit up to the CDs and USB keys that get left on the train or go missing in the post…
Bugger!
Central Office of Information, Ministry of Justice. What next? fucking Judge Dredd.
Probably – we’ve already got “The Joker” as Prime Minister !
That’s uncanny. The first time I drove past the Ministry of Justice building it sent a shiver down my spine. I don’t know what font they used but it looks intimidating as does the building it is placed upon. The first thing to come to mind as I drove past was Judge Dredd.
These fuckers are sinister and into the subjugation of the UK populus.
I have some news. Gordon is a lying deluded cocktrumpet, backed by a shit smelling snake in ‘human’ form, Mandelson, as well a whole host of other disgusting mud dwellers.
And now for the weather.
Now where is that spotty, wank mad son of mine?
Prrp!
Maybe they just decided to stop lying and this was the only method available to ensure success.
Mass suicide would have the same effect, but cheered the country up, too.
The full name of this service wouldn’t be Didicoi would it?
I’ve just seen Jonah praising Andy Murray.
That’s him fucked.
And the whelk stall.
“The Sign Of Jonah”
poor b’stard … he was doing so well
perhaps jonah could praise the labour party ….. assuming he could find something to praise them for!
Psycholops’ kiss of death for sure.
I don’t believe it …….!!!!
Oh shit! And the Government’s Spending Review was on that disk! Did anyone do a ‘back-up’?
Of course, there’s a full, unencrypted backup of the database on the intern’s laptop.
Intern: “Oh shit, I left that on the train last night after a few too many beers”
No doubt an office full of cardigan wearing matriachs who wander round with mugs of coffee lording it over young male fuckwits with no balls.
The above description could apply to any civil service quango.
Britain is a pussy whipped nation.
Now now, don’t be beastly!
I though a coi was an expensive but rather pointless fish?
stop carping
On a scale of 1 to 10 that was a 4.
It’s not your plaice to interject that red herring, have you no sole?
I think the most frightening thing about the zero percent growth rubbish spouted by the Prime Mentalist is that he clearly could not fathom the reason why everyone was falling about laughing.
As my granny would put it : “He is not very well”.
If Tony had said it (a) it would have been a mistake and (b) he too would have laughed.
Serious question : How does our wonderful unwritten Constitution cope with a mentally ill PM?
It doesn’t, can’t and wont.
That’s where we come in…
Shoot the Hoon.
He had the gaul to tell Toenails that it was so noisy in the house that he couldn’t be heard.
A likely story.
here’s another classic Lessons have been learnt article from pravda
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/nottinghamshire/8129826.stm
Outstanding, Pity it wasn’t Gorgon and boy lover they left in the Van, oh well lessons have been learnt move on.
Remember ‘Edge of Darkness’ or somesuch?
There is a ‘State Executioner’ – G*d I so hope there is – still.
And he – given the nod – will shoot the fucker
End of story, fuckwits, lying bores (or boring liars) – and life, so stultified and bent – will beging to again blossom.
I know – dream on sunshine.
Well I can dream buddies – which is more than some of these swine can. – they just plot their evil stalinist cum fascist ways. The little turds.
Only the Queen has te power to dissolve Parliament. So if the Labour party won’t kick him out we have to petition someone to use the powers they have but are always reluctant to use…
Well that’s that, then! They will just have to release news in the HoC from now on then! Oh, I forgot, there is still the BBC.
Which train have they left the laptop on this time?
It is an east coast line train, so don’t worry, the data is still in government hands.
Labours second tranch of great heat of technology
I am always thinking conspiracy when something like this happens. Now however I think that they really are just a bunch of incompetent LYING Kunts.
Mass build up of shit there then.
Maybe it’s down the side of the sofa alongside Gordon’s marbles.
P.S. the COI’s website describes it as a ‘centre of excellence’. Does this mean that Excellence has a centre, like a chocolate? Is there perhaps an area of Lambeth with everything is excellent and the COI happens to be at its geographical midpoint? Or is it just a tired old cliche from some coprophilic marketing monkey?
BOLLOCKS to Centres of Fucking excellence.
Also all the other Noo-Lie_bores twaddle nd ‘Lead Centres’ or whatever stupid shit they call them.
Coprophilic marketing monkey?
Yes please.
Lay off Bubbles. He’s in mourning!
The thing about the UK is that it is an anti-meritocracy. Evil criminal perverted filth are made judges; illiterate innumerate trash are made teachers, psychotic serial killers and rapists are made doctors; and government IT contracts are awarded on how much public sector filth and filth in government get in bribes, with a total disregard to costs or the skills and qualifications of the nasty trash ‘bidding’ for the IT contract.
There is an equivalence between some shit software written by an NVQ level 1 junkie with a crack habit in 45 minutes, and a £3 billion IT contract awarded by dirty low-down evil filth in government for kick-backs.
All MPs are evil filth.
Google “stop common purpose” all will become clear.
marvellous country, so obliging.
Laughable, this ZaNuLab shower are utterly useless.
fair’s fair, at least the DDR had the Trabant and Katarina Witt.
“due to a system changeover”
I guess we all deserve one.
F*U*C*K*O*F*F* bruvver broon, and take your pretty boys wiv ya.
Meanwhile, back to bivalves, – I found a sparking little darling last night.
Gripped me like a limpet.
The newlabour regime has a perfectly functional press release outlet where their political line is disseminated without question whenever its required, it has a multi billion pound budget and is staffed with socialists and led by newlabour placemen and stooges who take direct orders from No10.
The name of this organisation is THE BBC!
Well, Cassy me old love – F88k the BBc!! their licence tax, and their kneeling (cos it’s easier that way) journos!!
The BBC say they get complaints of bias from both the left and the right. What the duplicitous barstewards won’t tell you is the ratio.
Guido’s statement is not correct and COI is pleased to provide the facts:
All government press notices continue to be available via COI’s NDS website, the Press Association’s government newswire and other news outlets.
There is currently an issue for subscribers of our news alert service which COI is currently investigating a fix for. No email lists or data has been lost.
http://nds.coi.gov.uk/
This is the man to complain to. The company behind the new system is Numa Productions. One of their clients is Prostate Mapping. Sounds apt.
Why on earth they turned the old system off before testing the new one…
Adam Bahadoor, Acting Manager of the News Distribution Service (erm, what news distribution service?) adam.bahadoor@coi.gsi.gov.uk
Is that a mis-spelt “Backdoor” ?
Bahadoor’s boss is a remarkably able man called David Gadd. Perhaps he has all the answers?
I can’t make anything up now, this government is beyond parody. No matter what ridiculous scenario or shambles you can think of, this government has already done it in spades.
Yes, it renders you speechless, doesn’t it?
All government press notices are available at http://nds.coi.gov.uk/, Press Association Government Newswire and other news outlets. There is an issue with the news alert subscriber system which COI is investigating a fix for. No email lists or data have been lost.
Oh that’s all right then.
Hasn’t it occurred to you that this is massively expensive shameful incompetence.
71 & 77: Private Eye and, I believe, experts from Computer Weekly or similar, rumbled the NHS IT mess some time ago, but it hasn’t stopped the government from throwing shedloads of money at it. A friend who works in a London Mental Health Trust which is having the ‘Rio’ system (an offshoot of the ‘Spine’) foisted on the staff, says its a complete waste of space. I also know some people who have designed part of this system, and to describe them as numpties when it comes to serious computer stuff is probably accurate – however, they earn a very nice salary indeed. And they have a vested interest in continuing the project as long as possible, which can always be justified because the government keeps bringing in new policies and legislation
This government cannot even manage an email subscription list and they are trying to implement a multi-billion pounds’ worth of biometic ID card system.
No problems anticipated.
Piss up & Brewery
Just searched back through my work email – don’t think i’ve had anything through COI since June 8th…
You’ve gotta also love their Twitter updated that their air con was broken and so it was hot, hot, hot.
An e-mail list?
Like what is that good for man?