June 19th, 2009

Friday Caption Contest (Bercow Rangers Edition)


Picture taken at a Glasgow Rangers Supporters Club in the late 80s, note the Rangers / red hand, UDA poster.  Those Scottish (Catholic) Labour MPs who bet so successfully on the outcome of the last election  for Speaker and are now considering backing Bercow, might reflect on some of the traditional songs which John led the gathering in singing.  One thing about us “dirty Fenian fuckers”, we have long memories…

Sadly the picture of Bercow taken on a junket to Israel (not long after the Sabra and Shatila massacre) posing Rambo-style, wearing a comically over-sized Israeli Defence Force uniform whilst holding a machine gun, hasn’t turned up. Yet…


  1. 1
    freddie flintoff says:

    bercow does the spice girls routine

    • 10
      Ally McMoist says:

      Rangers are the better team.

      As usual Bercow is backing the side that’s going to win.

      And they’re blue….

      • 37
        Pudge Facker says:

        Guido: “One thing about us “dirty Fenian fuckers”, we have long memories…”

        In the words of another song, “The famine’s over, why don’t you go home!”

        Admit it Guido, you must like it here!

        • 111
          Anonymous says:

          Guido’s about as Irish as Osama bin Laden’s left testicle. He’s just a sad middle-class Englishman trying to make himself more interesting by adopting a foreign identity.

          I do agree, though, that it’s high time for our Irish guests to fuck off back where they came from. They obviously hate it here, to judge from the amount of time they spend raping British law, British culture and British traditions, so wouldn’t they be happier if they all just went home? I know I would be. And since I wouldn’t have to be taxed to penury to support Britain’s population of Catholic bone idle criminal dole scroungers, I’d be richer too.

        • 121
          Mrs Miggins says:

          As someone once remarked, if you’ve ever tasted Irish cooking, you’ll know why people starved.

        • 132
          Doctor Mick says:

          I’d like to echo that sentiment with regard to the Jockoe politicians in England.

          PLEASE take them back and let them help build a new independent Scotland where you can all fester in the cesspit of your own prejudices without involving the ENglish or our money.

        • 173
          Jan says:

          Mrs Miggins you are a moron……Quality of Irish food here in Cork is amazing. All local produce – Lobsters,prawns,west Cork beef,organic vegetables. Some of the best food I have ever tasted. All Irish chefs too.You’ve obviously never been to Kinsale.

          Beats the fried Mars bars in Jockland. Food in Aberdeen was disgusting when I lived there. Food in parts of England can be pretty disgusting too.

        • 291
          irished says:

          Anonymous! You are the shit on my shoe and about as enlightened as Gordy’s glass eye! Now fuck off back under your stone and don’t come out again you boil on the arse of humanity!

        • 343
          Saving the English from their lazieness says:

          112 – I rather like England but perhaps I will “Fuck Off’ as you suggest. Should I take the 200 jobs I created with me? how about my taxes, are you happy to lose that.

          Pricks like you don’t deserve to live in a country like this. It wouldn’t surprise me if you were actually receiving working family tax credit whilst giving it large about ‘scroungers’. That scenario rather fits with your demonstrated intellect

        • 423
          barefootcontessa says:

          The Irish do love a nice potato.

        • 534
          Wavy Davy slurps Bullingdon Arsegravy says:

          Caption entry,

          “World Stunned as Rangers Supporters Club sports Red Hand of of Ulster poster in the 80′s”

          Nive try Guido but your pull with Labour backbenches may be, somewhat less than you imagine shall we say.

          I hear Bercow also had a Gary Glitter record when he was a Lad.
          Doesn’t that ensure he will not be Speaker ?

          Becket’s an out of touch Trougher with the absolutely no Poltical sense for what the public wants from Parliament as her memorable booing by the crowd in a recent Question Time proved.

          George Young is an old etonian dinosaur and big trougher who wouldn’t know reform or if it smacked him in his Baronet.

        • 627
          Anonymous says:

          340 – Might as well fuck off back then, it will save that Mall Allwright and his biker boyfriend coming round with a cunning disguise and a hidden camera.

        • 668
          Thomas Moore says:

          One day the UK (or what is left of it) will be rid of this aberration that is the established church (in England) and the country will once again be free of the tyranny of a disfunctional Parliament, a bogus monarchy, and a criminal ruling elite. If Bercow and his Rangers supporting bully boys dont like it they stick it where the sun dont shine.

        • 717
          Lord Gideon Partisan Babblingbigot says:

          Excellent joke post “Doctor Mick”.
          I almost fell for it until you started foaming at the mouth about prejudice in a hilariously prejudiced post.

          Nice bit of satire lampooning a moronic bigoted fuckwit.

        • 810
          Mason Boyne says:

          Aye , and remember at that time we were being bombed into oblivion by you “fenian fuckers in the RA”

          Your not the only one with a long memory mate.

        • 846
          Blair Mayne says:


          Hear hear.

      • 51
        Pudge Facker says:

        Caption entry:

        Opportunist Me, Me, Me, Me, Chancer carpet bags his way from Right Berk to Leftie Berk - in the full rhyming-slang sense of Berk!

        • 488
          O'Really O'Reilly says:

          Anonymous 110: Do fuck off there’s a good chap. If the Irish left now including their English born children you would have plenty of room for your inferiority complex and sad delusions of grandeur. So do go and be a Hunt elsewhere.

        • 517
          ANY OLD IRON says:

          if the irish did fuck off back ! you’ll have to tarmac your own drive and take your own fridge to the tip !

        • 673
          dirtyden says:

          Now we know for certain they’ve actually stolen from us. We know from tomorrow’s Telegraph.

          This is information received, isn’t it. Red-handed territory. So why aren’t these 50+ MPs under arrest for tax fraud? I bloody well know they’d be busting my door down in a dawn raid if they got wind I’d done something like this. But bloody MPs…ohhh no. Not them. They pay back what they think they’ve nicked and that’s that.

          Nail ‘em up I say. Nail some sense into ‘em.

      • 161
        Jan says:

        Rangers = Murray International Metals (ex BSC s/crap)…………
        Same as the football team

      • 564
        going down the pan says:

        i se the police are to interview the top troughers : uddin, chator morley etc so we will end up whith another bill for this scum’s legal fee’s it’s a win win situation when you have your nose in the trough !

      • 721
        Scottish and Blue says:

        They are NOT Scottish Labour politicians.
        They are Irish decent MPs, just happened to stop off in Scotland to escape the 1846 famine.
        We don’t want them and we kicked them out in preference to SNP.
        Your turn.

      • 732
        BBC encourages unrest in Iran with fake propaganda says:

        BBC encourages unrest in Iran with fake propaganda


      • 811
        Mason Boyne says:

        Is Guido now on the side of the RA?

        Answer please



    • 19
      (yes I am a cunt / no I am not Nu Labour) says:

      Who should I send the pizza to?

      • 28
        • 69
          Master Baiter says:

          Stealing land and locking up children

        • 92
          Is it my ginger minge that's put you off dear says:


        • 171
          Kishmein Tochas says:

          Lots more to waste…yipeee!!!!

        • 254
          Anonymous says:

          It takes a dick of the highest order to yawn at such war crimes, even if they’re committed by the holiest of holy Israelis who can never do a thing wrong.

        • 303
          Is it my ginger minge that's put you off dear says:


        • 848
          Billy the Mountain says:

          I agree. Stop stealing invisible, immaterial land you filthy Jews, uh, I mean Zionists, uh, I mean Israelis. And let all of those ‘children’ out of jail. And give them back their rat-poison-soaked ball-bearing-packed bomb-belts and AK-47s. How dare you prevent them from their basic human right of blowing themselves up in a daycare centres and pizza parlours, and enacting genocide against you. You big, mean war criminals! How dare you resist your violent death?

      • 506
        TOADY says:

        I’m a fake libertarian. I only know what Guido tells me so please don’t confuse me with talk of war crimes.

        Bad people do war crimes.
        The IDF are the good guys. Ergo totally impossibilty is declared.

        • 526
          Bad Magic says:

          Ever considered going into journalism?

        • 632
          Jethro says:

          ..not a fake Librarian, then.

        • 649


          Whoops the Palestinians have broken all of these and thus commited war crimes…

          1. The civilian population and individual civilians shall enjoy general protection against dangers arising from military operations. To give effect to this protection, the following rules, which are additional to other applicable rules of international law, shall be observed in all circumstances.

          2. The civilian population as such, as well as individual civilians, shall not be the object of attack. Acts or threats of violence the primary purpose of which is to spread terror among the civilian population are prohibited.

          3. Civilians shall enjoy the protection afforded by this Section, unless and for such time as they take a direct part in hostilities.

          4. Indiscriminate attacks are prohibited. Indiscriminate attacks are:

          (a) those which are not directed at a specific military objective;

          (b) those which employ a method or means of combat which cannot be directed at a specific military objective; or

          (c) those which employ a method or means of combat the effects of which cannot be limited as required by this Protocol; and consequently, in each such case, are of a nature to strike military objectives and civilians or civilian objects without distinction.

          5. Among others, the following types of attacks are to be considered as indiscriminate:

          (a) an attack by bombardment by any methods or means which treats as a single military objective a number of clearly separated and distinct military objectives located in a city, town, village or other area containing a similar concentration of civilians or civilian objects; and

          (b) an attack which may be expected to cause incidental loss of civilian life, injury to civilians, damage to civilian objects, or a combination thereof, which would be excessive in relation to the concrete and direct military advantage anticipated.

          6. Attacks against the civilian population or civilians by way of reprisals are prohibited.

          7. The presence or movements of the civilian population or individual civilians shall not be used to render certain points or areas immune from military operations, in particular in attempts to shield military objectives from attacks or to shield, favour or impede military operations. The Parties to the conflict shall not direct the movement of the civilian population or individual civilians in order to attempt to shield military objectives from attacks or to shield military operations.

          8. Any violation of these prohibitions shall not release the Parties to the conflict from their legal obligations with respect to the civilian population and civilians, including the obligation to take the precautionary measures provided for in Article 57

        • 799
          thick as thieves says:

          Whoops the Israelis have broken all of these and thus commited war crimes…

          1. The civilian population and individual civilians shall enjoy general protection against dangers arising from military operations. To give effect to this protection, the following rules, which are additional to other applicable rules of international law, shall be observed in all circumstances.

          2. The civilian population as such, as well as individual civilians, shall not be the object of attack. Acts or threats of violence the primary purpose of which is to spread terror among the civilian population are prohibited.

          3. Civilians shall enjoy the protection afforded by this Section, unless and for such time as they take a direct part in hostilities.

          4. Indiscriminate attacks are prohibited. Indiscriminate attacks are:

          (a) those which are not directed at a specific military objective;

          (b) those which employ a method or means of combat which cannot be directed at a specific military objective; or

          (c) those which employ a method or means of combat the effects of which cannot be limited as required by this Protocol; and consequently, in each such case, are of a nature to strike military objectives and civilians or civilian objects without distinction.

          5. Among others, the following types of attacks are to be considered as indiscriminate:

          (a) an attack by bombardment by any methods or means which treats as a single military objective a number of clearly separated and distinct military objectives located in a city, town, village or other area containing a similar concentration of civilians or civilian objects; and

          (b) an attack which may be expected to cause incidental loss of civilian life, injury to civilians, damage to civilian objects, or a combination thereof, which would be excessive in relation to the concrete and direct military advantage anticipated.

          6. Attacks against the civilian population or civilians by way of reprisals are prohibited.

          7. The presence or movements of the civilian population or individual civilians shall not be used to render certain points or areas immune from military operations, in particular in attempts to shield military objectives from attacks or to shield, favour or impede military operations. The Parties to the conflict shall not direct the movement of the civilian population or individual civilians in order to attempt to shield military objectives from attacks or to shield military operations.

          8. Any violation of these prohibitions shall not release the Parties to the conflict from their legal obligations with respect to the civilian population and civilians, including the obligation to take the precautionary measures provided for in Article 57

    • 66
      Labours ethnic cleansing says:

      No idea what the hell this post is about,

      my caption would have to be WTF!

      • 116
        Sir Reginald Titbrain says:

        Don’t worry, neither does anyone else. most people have done something in the last twenty years that they probably would not do now.

        As for Fenians not forgetting, quite right, and good for them. Tt’s the sad fuckers who won’t move on that are the problem.

        • 138
          EC1 PhD says:

          I had an uncooked burger outside Wembley Stadium before a U2 concert 20 years ago, contracted compilobacter and did my A Levels in hospital. Yeah, I won’t be doing that again.

        • 145
          EC1 PhD says:

          I meant campilobacter. Fucking nasty.

        • 210
          NewGirl says:

          I’m the opposite Sir Reg. Haven’t done lots of thing in the last 20 years I now wish I had….! That’s Catholic girls for you though.

        • 221
          Call me Infidel says:

          Are you sure it wasn’t campylobacter?

        • 279

          titbrain spelt it worng

        • 318
          Sir Reginald Titbrain says:

          That’s why I’m called Titbrain, titbrain. But I’m shit hot on starting sentences with a capital letter and ending them with a full stop.

        • 456
          barefootcontessa says:

          Once a catholic always a catholic.

        • 769
          Frank Zappa says:

          Act I

          SCENE THREE

          A festive CYO party with crepe paper streamers, contestants
          for the broom dance, the, baked goods, & FATHER RILEY
          making sure the lights don’t go down too low…

          Catholic Girls
          With a tiny little mustache
          Catholic Girls
          Do you know how they go?
          Catholic Girls
          In the Rectory Basement
          Father Riley’s a fairy
          But it don’t bother Mary
          Catholic Girls
          At the CYO
          Catholic Girls
          Do you know how they go?
          Catholic Girls
          There can be no replacement
          How do they go, after the show?

          All the way
          That’s the way they go
          Every day
          And none of their mamas ever seem to know
          For all the class they show
          There’s nothing like a Catholic Girl
          At the CYO When they learn to blow…

          FATHER RILEY: They’re learning to blow
          All the Catholic Boys!

          Warren Cuccurullo…

          FATHER RILEY: Catholic Boys!

          Kinda young, kinda WOW!

          FATHER RILEY:
          Catholic Boys!

          Vinnie Colaiuta…

          Where are they now?
          Did they all take The Vow?

          FATHER RILEY: Catholic Girls!

          Carmenita Scarfone!

          FATHER RILEY: Catholic Girls!

          Hey! She gave me VD!

          FATHER RILEY:
          Catholic Girls!

          Toni Carbone!

          With a tongue like a cow
          She could make you go WOW!

          VD vowdy vootie
          Right away
          That’s the way they go
          Every day
          Whenever their mamas take them to a show
          Pass the popcorn please
          There’s nothing like a Catholic Girl
          With her hand in the box
          When she’s on her knees

          She was on her knees,
          My little Catholic Girl

          In a little white dress
          Catholic Girls
          They never confess
          Catholic Girls
          I got one for a cousin
          I love how they go
          So send me a dozen
          Catholic Girls
          Catholic Girls
          OOOOOOH! (etc.)

          This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER…
          Joe had a girl friend named Mary.
          She used to go to the church club every week.
          They’d meet each other there
          Hold hands
          And think
          Pure Thoughts
          But one night, at the
          Social Club meeting Mary didn’t show up…
          She was sucking cock backstage at The Armory
          In order to get a pass To see some big rock group for free…

    • 381
      Gordon Bum says:

      Is the guy behind Bercow playing with his huge black cock?

    • 445
      pissed off pensioner says:

      Police investigations into expences Get the Whitewash bucket ready

    • 768 says:

      I think that the Oirish trolling is all good fun. They probably do know how to cook, nowadays. Mrs. Miggins is correct. Mick and Paddy McGinty can’t cook and the fool @ #173 just doesn’t know when she has been trolled. I would wager that they overboil all that seafood even now. Scotch food, like Oirish food consists of deep-fried Mars bars and potatoes. You can’t have it both ways luv.

      Anyway, it’s tiem to dispense of both Oirish and Scotch. Let them both do their own thing IRA/UDA/UDF thing on their soil so that I don’t have to give a shit about it. Scotch oil has almost run its course anyway. Time for government to cut back on spending in Scotch.

    • 797
      Andy H says:

      There was certainly a Sally Illman who spoke at the 1993 Conservative Party conference as an official conference representative from Bristol South. Same one?
      Report of her speech here:

    • 836
      Churchill's Cattleprod says:


  2. 2
    Posh Tory says:

    The only place he’ll ever be speaker.

    • 30
      Andy Q says:

      Read my lips – “No more mullets”

      • 304
        Backsack O'Bugger says:

        You have to admit though Guido, if the Anglicans came round offering you the soup during the famine, in return for converting, you’d take it. I would’ve, mmm sweet, sweet, parochial protestant soup.

  3. 3
    Tory Bear says:

    Did they go for a chicken supper afterwards?

  4. 4
    A Silent Emission of Bowel Gas says:

    But has he not cometh to repentance and disavowed his foam-flecked, right-wing past?

    Or is that the problem?

    • 11
      Anonymous says:

      hey, it’s Glasgow, once a hun, always a hun.

      • 53
        Tim Opener says:

        Aye, that’s right Timmy Boy, and doan’t you go forgetting it!

        • 368
          Anonymous says:

          Timmy boy? I thin knot. Church of Scotland laddy me.

          The nicest thing about the huns is how grateful their women are for a bit of attention from anyone that can walk and breathe at the same time.

  5. 5
    hoof-hearted says:

    “Eyes down for a full house…”

  6. 6
    Dixie Dean says:

    “look lad’s I promise you in twenty years we’ll have the English on their knee’s, my mate Gordon’s got great “plans” for their economy”

  7. 7
    Sir William Waad says:

    “Loyalist? I’ve been loyal to more different causes than you’ve had bellywashers.”

  8. 8
    Laughing at Gordon says:

    ‘I did not pay for the sash my father wore through parliamentary expenses…’

  9. 9
    DZ says:

    Guido, do you really have to display the hand of some unfortunate sod with only three fingers? OK, he can balance condoms on two of them, but still ….

  10. 12

    Far too serious a subject for a caption compo, though one wonders how they would have reacted has Sascha baron-Cohen turned up as Bruno.

  11. 13
    fatter than prescott says:

    was it a kodak pic?

    well at least bercow does have to work too hard bolsterng up ulster unionist vote

  12. 14
    Steve Expat says:

    George – you’re writing a blog comment not a letter. That should have been one line.

  13. 15
    deejaybee says:

    ..and this is my elbow. I know it’s not my arse because I have an atlas….

  14. 16
    Angry Englishman says:

    If the answer is Bercow or Beckett, the question must have been something like “Who are the two most objectionable and least able candidates for the role of Speaker?”

  15. 18
    Anonymous says:

    “Who bats first, and which side do you want me to bat on?”

  16. 20
    Grumpy old F*cker says:

    Another bloody foreigner we could well do without. If he’s so fond of Izrael, why doesn’t he fuck off and live there?

    • 257
      Anonymous says:

      Quite, but it’s difficult to maintain an economy the size of Israel’s without influencing everyone else’s.

      That $5bn a year sure helps in these tough times.

      I wonder what the poor of the USA would say about it, if the press did their fucking job.

      Cue Guido and all his little zion hoons attack….

    • 618
      Fucking delicious! says:

      Ah, your words I agree with, and your eloquence I admire. Guido is a cun t…but then, I’m a protestant Celtic supporter…

      Fucking delicious!

      • 662
        Sandy Jamieson says:

        Protestant Celtic Supporters!!!! yes we do have them in Scotland- the phrase to describe such lowlife we use is “Traitors”

        • 779
          Fucking delicious! says:

          Let me enlighten you further, window-licker; I also served in the army when they were needing them, not fucking feeding them; I’m a Nationalist and detest you fat useless blue-nosed cock-sucking bastards with a passion usually reserved for those traitorous unionist fuck-wits in the labour party – aka quislings.

          Come the day Scotland is free from this fucking union, I look forward to doing a bit of ethnic cleansing; know what I mean? After all, I’d be fucking good at it; was trained by the brits y’see, and there are many, many like me.

          Quisling brit filth like you must be eradicated forthwith.

          C’mon the Hoops, and OTRAS…

          Fucking delicious!

        • 800
          thick as thieves says:

          fucking hell that’s a bit strong FD!

        • 837
          Fucking delicious! says:

          Perhaps a tad tat, perhaps a tad; there again, perhaps not. No offence meant to you though…

          Fucking delicious!

        • 840
          thick as thieves says:

          none taken old boy.

  17. 21
    Pork Busted says:



  18. 22
    Steve Expat says:

    Guido, can you drop the cυnt filter for this one please? Such a complete cυnt as Bercow deserves to be called out.

    Good investigation Guido, obvioulsy now he’s not even close to being a fit and proper Speaker of the Commons.

  19. 23
    Sean says:

    The nurse will along soon to change your shit stacked nappy George.

  20. 24
    A Silent Emission of Bowel Gas says:

    “John Bercow and family relaxing at his Scottish home.”

  21. 25

    This just in from the Brussels summit:

    • 140
      The gas is about to ignite says:

      yes what are you doing Cameron you timid little pink faced scrotbag?
      All Cameron has to say is that regardless of the status of the Lisbon Treaty he will give us the British people a referendum on the Lisbon Treaty within one month of taking office.
      He will not be cause he was picked at and by Bilderberg just as Tony Blair was – Cameron is the true heir to Blair and Blair was a useful sock puppet idiot to the Illuminati.

      • 258
        Anon says:

        Cameron is as much of a fuckwit as the rest.

        Fuck ‘em all.

      • 283

        Stop going an about “illuminati” – it is not helpful to the causes of either libertarianism or classical liberalism, which is to say proper conservatism, if we continue to not debunk this myth that there are such people as “illuminati”, whatever they might be.

        To invoke the “illuminati” as one of the causes of all our troubles, is to shift blame from ourselves, who were asleep when we ought not to have been, say after 1989 when the real-enemy had just gone cleverly to ground while pretending to be defeated, and onto some sort of other-world/superhuman organisation which does not exist, and is a convenient repository for all the ills that you can’t put your finger on right this second but would like to.

        • 285

          Oh and the “Bildergergers” are just an unused flavour of MacDonalds snack, and not an international secret organisation….

        • 288

          Sorry, I meant “Bilderbergers”…
          or was it


        • 580
          Anonymous says:

          David Davis,

          The bildeberger would at least be faintly relevant if it was from McDonalds. I mean so what if there are regular private meetings with important people. Nutter.

    • 143
      Anonymous says:

      Go to Zurich….rubbish. Zurich is subject to the same agreements and structures all Hedgies have to follow. The ‘policing’ is not locational ie ‘tax havens’ are history for capital anywhere. Thank G-d!

      • 196
        Charley Bourne says:

        Good work Nigel

        • 260
          Anonymous says:

          Nigel Farage is an utter hoon.

          If you think the way to sort out dodgy expenses is to vote for and champion a man who also claims dodgy expenses, yet does fuck all work for them, then you’ve not switched your solitary fucking brain cell on again.

          Still it’s much easier to just harp on about Johnny Foreigner than sorting your own house out.

          Typical Brit.

        • 300
          jus' askin' says:

          So who do you suggest voting for?

        • 786
          Ex UKIP member says:

          It has been reported that the 2 unmentionables will get £4,000,000 out of being MEPs over the next four years.
          UKIP will thus pocket nearly £30,000 000.
          Over the past 5 years they have had £24,000,000.
          In the term before that, almost as much.
          Farage has pocketed £2,000,000, he admits it.
          This sort of troughing makes our parliamentarians look amateurs.
          And UKIP tell their members they are broke.
          UKIPers must be nuts. Why aren’t they asking questions.
          I hate to paraphase an old cliche but never in English history have so few taken so much for doing worse than buggar all.
          In fact the money is English blood money – taken to neuter the anti EU vote – the traitors.

        • 807
          jus' askin' for the second time, the last guy must have been deaf, wonder if this one is deaf too? says:

          So, who are you going to vote for?

  22. 26
    Clone says:

    Vere ar ur paperz?

  23. 27
    Doctor Mick says:

    He’s desperately plugging his crap blog.

  24. 29
    boulay says:

    O/T but alex singleton at the telegraph is saying that a downing street insider has leaked that mcpoison sent brown lines by text ahead of brown’s appearance on Marr.

    please can someone prove this as it would completely blow brown out of the water after denying contact at PMQs on wednesday.

    • 52
      Steve Expat says:


      GORDON BROWN LIED TO PARLIAMENT – now how long before the fucker is swinging from a lamp post on Westminster Bridge?

      General eclection now please

      • 60
        Steve Expat says:

        Or maybe even a General Election?

        Here’s hoping for Broon to swing and swing soon, anyone got some piano wire?

      • 62
        Pudge Facker says:

        And a general election as well as the general eclection too please!

      • 168
        daviwright says:

        and a general erection too please :-)

      • 355
        Bubbleburster says:

        McBroon telling lies?! Why, say it ain’t so! I always thought he was such a good Presbytarian all this time!

      • 571
        going down the pan says:

        you can always tell when brown is lying his mouth opens !

        if you watch carefully you will see he rolls his tongue behind his teeth !

    • 233
      Jan says:

      I really can’t understand why anybody was taken in by McBroon’s lies about the Daemon leaving Downing Street. He was around all the time,just not visible. Why is anybody surprised? McBroon has real difficulty relating to normal people,which is why the likes of Dolly,the Daemon and that other bloke Brown work for him.They are all absolutely ghastly.

      • 565
        Sir Mufbourne-Harbor says:

        We simply cannot have a prime minister and his government acting like this. I hear he has given in to europe over financial regulation (Hannan Blog DT) and he signed the lisbon constdistortion treaty without referendum. I also hear, which reflects my line of work, that he is messing up the intelligent transport agreements. (Big business opportunity for UK tech and universities) We should not obey or regognise any parts of euro lisbon treaty law/lore without a democratic vote when the launch date for the lisbon treaty/constitution comes into force IMO.

  25. 31
    bergen says:

    I think you’ve just finished whatever chance he had.Nice one.

  26. 32
    Goblin Girl says:

    The bloke behind seems to be making some huge cock-sucking gesture.

  27. 33
    Anonymous says:

    The podgy guy bottom left looking on adoringly is William Ian Beggs, subsequently the infamous ‘Limbs in the Loch’ multiple murderer and possibly the most famous person currently incarcerated in Scotland.

    • 67
      Pudge Facker says:

      Eek! What nice company Berko kept! Still, at least he lived to not tell the tale!

  28. 34
    Pete-s says:

    Hopefully there are enough Labour MPs who dislike their own party enough not to vote for a Tory just to spite the Tories. (I am sure that sentence made sense).

  29. 35
    Ultra plus Right Wing says:

    When you have a towel stuck in your bog, you must PUSH it, LIKE THIS, with your FINGERS.

  30. 36
    Anonymous says:

    Who is John Bercow anyway apart from being being an MP?

    • 41
      Hugh Janus says:

      No idea, but according to Quentin Letts (opposite) he’s a “Bumptious, Expenses-Fiddling Greaser.”

      So, a first rate candidate for Speaker then?

      • 65
        Seamen O'Philic says:

        that’s anti-seamen talk.

      • 82
        chronic says:

        Stephen Hawking for speaker and hes got his own chair.

      • 726
        pigs in space says:

        That was a great character assassination by Letts (assuming Bercow had any character worth assassinating in the first place), read it again netween the lines .. Harvey Procter, Michael Portillo, being ‘turned’ by his wife.

        I think he’s suggesting something but I can’t work out what.

    • 86

      He’s about as popular as a three-flush floater.

      The Penguin

    • 243
      Jan says:

      A bloke who might be in line for a huge pension pot. He is far too young and hasn’t the gravitas for the role of Speaker.He is a real chancer, a bit like spivvy Arthur Daley..you know a second hand car salesman (like his father I believe).The pension is something else.Even if he just had the job for a year he gets a whopping pension for life.Given that he is the right side of 50 we could paying him a pension for 30+ years. What a f…….g liberty.

  31. 40
    The Admiral says:

    O/T Miliband’s done a usual job on Iran….


    • 45
      "Dorothy Goodbody" says:

      Beer sales up when we go to war with “evil” Iran then.

      No time for a General Election either.

      Well done Millie, NOT.

  32. 43
    1984: The Manual says:

    “Shut it! We’re missing Take the High Road”

  33. 44
    Anon says:

    Gordon’s selling the country down the river now. This is when the fucker gets dangerous. He needs putting down.

    “Gordon Brown looks to have surrendered unprecedented powers over the City of London to new bodies of European Union financial regulators, according to a high-ranking Brussels official.”


    • 50
      nell says:

      That’s possibly because he expects to be offered a job in charge of it when he ‘retires’ from British politics next year.

    • 58
      Anonymous says:

      Gotta keep them levers of power away from the evil Tories!
      So the PoS will hand control to the Authoritarian filth in Brussels – he’s gonna need a bolthole over on the continent shortly, so a bit of greasing now will pay dividends later

    • 61
      hoof-hearted says:

      They took the power away from the Bank of England, only to give it all away to Brussels.

      This is all smoke and mirrors in an effort to evade the referendum here, and to make sure the irish vote “yes” in October.

      I am so very angry.

  34. 46
    Jethro Q. Walrus-Titty says:

    Well if Bercow is a Rangers supporter he might not be so bad after all…….

  35. 47
    Jonathan Cook says:

    Johnny “Mad Dog” Bercow justifies his fiddling of the club’s expenses.

  36. 48
    Doctor Mick says:

    In the late Eighties, Glasgow Rangers signed their first ever Catholic player – Mo Johnson. John Bercow gets up at Glasgow Rangers Supporters Club and tells a joke to the assembled loyalist folk.

    “The wife of a Rangers supporter gives birth to quadrupelts. Guess what he calls them?

    “Eeenie, Meenie, Miney and ………..


    • 102
      Mary Hinge says:

      Quadrupelts are unnecessary now that we have Brazilian waxes.

    • 105
      Jimbo says:

      Joking apart, Rangers in fact signed their first known Catholic player (Pat Lafferty) before Celtic even existed i.e. around 1885 (yes, EIGHTEEN-eighty-five).

      • 117
        Doctor Mick says:

        How many were signed in between 1885 and 1989 ?

        About as many goals as Stenhuismuir has scored against Celtic.


        • 180
          Jimbo says:

          Nope. Quite a few were signed in those years.

        • 207
          Captain Bob says:

          But they weren’t recognised and were moved on silently á la Dr. Thomas Dunbar and William Kilvichan. Don Kitchenbrand was moved on for marrying outside the faith.

        • 348
          Jimbo says:

          Wrong on all counts Bob.

        • 412
          Louis Bayer 1905 says:


        • 830
          Captain Bob says:

          Pat Lafferty (1886), Tom Dunbar (1891–1892),

          Seeing as Tom Dunbar, William Kilvichan and Don Kitchenbrand never happened then neither did Pat Lafferty.

    • 107
      the scottish are probably the most racist people on earth apart from the zionists says:

      That’s right Billy Boy.
      You know the funny thing about the Scottish and Rangers fans is what a bunch of bloody turncoats they are.
      The Scottish have been murdering and displacing their own people at the behest of their British masters for centuries.
      The Scots just do as their told by their betters.
      They are a bit thick really, too much inbreeding probably.

  37. 49
    chronic says:

    Bercow`s hustings “I dreamed a dream………ect”

    • 55
      chronic says:

      Bercow says” and has an MP I will never have to watch big boxy televisions again, its flat screen plasmas for me”

  38. 54
    deluded kunt says:

    Mandelson, Ecclestone, Bercow…, bilmey, next they’ll be telling us the scotch run/own the country.

  39. 56
    Anonymous says:

    “Walking Tall” to the Speakers chair.

  40. 63
    Anonymous says:

    One bloke in denim to another bloke in denim at the front,
    “Hey Doogie, Ah dinna think much o’ the strippah”

  41. 64
    nell says:

    Berc*w said in his bid for Speaker ” I am asking people to vote for a Speaker who has what it takes to restore trust in Parliament and politicians.” !!!! This man has troughed expenses to the max – flipped homes-not paid capital gains – and to boot is unversally disliked by his own party.

    M*guire of the Mirror said “if I had a vote on Monday I’d cast it for John Bercow” – well that should point up the fact that Bercow is not fit for the job shouldn’t it!!!!

    But just as bad – some tories are backing Beckett – she of the £600 hanging baskets – she refused to apologise for her expenses on Question Time and got boed down – she’s hardly going to restore public trust either -is she??!!!?

    • 199
      Sylvia's Mother says:

      Bercow will not get speaker its a shoe in for Beckett. Wish it was a shoe in her face actually no she has already had a shoe in the face. Wrinkly old cow. In case there is any doubt NO I do like her!

      • 215
        Borg Drone Won says:

        Of course it is a shoe in for Becket she has four of them and they are made out of metal!

    • 211
      Hugh Janus says:

      Yes, she demonstrated on QT (when asked if she was going to repay any of her expenses) that she has a very cavalier attitude to taxpayers’ money. When the audience started boo-ing she became even more arrogant.

      No doubt who MPs will vote for in that case.

  42. 68
    Anonymous says:

    At Essex University somebody pinned a filthy piece of trodden-on pizza to the notice board with the caption:

    “Portrait of John Bercow”

  43. 72
    Anonymous says:


    I don’t agree with you there, Guido, you’re bringing up stuff with a remarkable bias to it.

    I studied in Glasgow, and well remember Celtic fans celebrating at matches when soldiers were killed “Ah, Ah, up the ‘RA” (IRA) , seeing the “Bullet for the Boys” collecting tins doing the rounds, and the most vile, bigoted chants and songs about the Queen and the Royal family.

    So keep it in perspective, if you are going to bring this up, do it both ways.

    So, what about all the money spent on new Catholic schools in Scotland, while the non Catholic children are shunted into the decaying remnants of what’s left ?

    The Catholic Mafia have it well under control in Scotland, and continue the bigotry by seperating the children at birth and not allowing integration, and brainwashing them to believe all of their problems are caused by people picking on them for being Catholic.

    That’s where your problem is Guido. How about a few lines on that ?

    • 94
      James C says:

      Ok, here is a couple of lines.
      Fuck off.
      How’s that?

      • 136
        Anonymous says:

        That’s one line you fuckwit

        • 183
          oh god not the line counting jihadist, we've only just got rid of denis the apostrophe jihadist says:

          Actually it was three lines.
          Your comment was one line and mine is two lines.
          Make that three.

        • 225
          (yes I am a cunt / no I am not Nu Labour) says:

          Correct Anonymous.
          I took the first line and third lines to be framing devices that do not count, just as t page numbering often doesnt start in books until AFTER the foreword and prelims etc.

        • 250
          yes you are, arent you. says:

          but this is just a blog.
          and how exactly does one frame complete shit like your posts?

      • 273
        Anonymous says:

        He’s right though.

        Religion only takes off in places like Scotland and Ireland, where the population can’t count their fingers and believe stories of a big bad man in the sky who will strike them with lightning if they steal any more vegetables.

        It’s just rather pathetic they’re still at in the 21st century, when most other nations are embracing science and rationality, they’re all locked up in their terrace churning out a few more sprogs and saying some hail marys.

        Or bickering about whose fantasy god is better than whose.

        Wake up you amoeba!

    • 277
      Twat says:

      Any religious teaching on any side is wrong. Tantamount to child abuse if you as me. Regardless of wether your school starts “St” or not.

      Remind us again of why there is a seperate Catholic schooling system up north?

      • 341

        Ask the Scottish Labour Mafia .

        It’s got something to do with “our people”-whoever they are .

        As for those who think the divide is something to do with religion , religion is only a badge (one in which most do not believe). The real division is one of nationality . Basically , are you Scots or Irish ?

        The Labour Party’s many convolutions has produced a core electorate in Central Scotland who want to stay part of Britain while hating Britain because of their Irish roots .

        Ask John Reid , he’ll explain .

        ‘Mon the Gers !

  44. 73
    Sunonmars says:

    Did anyone else notice Ed and Yvette charged us £1000 for “removal fees” for moving house.

  45. 74
    Barbie Tourette says:


  46. 75
    Anonymous says:

    Also at Essex, homophobic Bercow was involved in a fracas with a tranny during which the tranny’s dress was ripped. On another occasion a feminist poured a whole pint of beer over his head and shut him up. He also shut up after heckling a Trades Union speaker who simply told Bercow to “Sod off back to Fascist-land”.

    Bercow’s inability to control his bowel gases was widely commented upon.

  47. 76
    Anonymous says:

    I’d rather wear a turban than a cross….

  48. 78
    Anonymous says:

    June 19, 2009 at 12:47 pm
    Gordon’s selling the country down the river now. This is when the fucker gets dangerous. He needs putting down.

    “Gordon Brown looks to have surrendered unprecedented powers over the City of London to new bodies of European Union financial regulators, according to a high-ranking Brussels official.”


    Brown has always been an eu puppet. For years he has been lining himself up for an eu post following his departure from British politics. He is a very highly placed eu mole.

    • 162
      Anonymous says:

      Surprising how many people poison moles.

      • 443
        barefootcontessa says:

        Stop Press! Mandleson is against ‘over milking of the system’! ‘ Mps who have done this should be interviewed by the police,’ he says. What the hell does he think he’s been doing, for years?

    • 213
      Moley says:

      Doesn’t it get debated in Parliament first?

      Do we have a Parliament?

      If we do, what is it for?

  49. 79
    The Fureyous Brothers says:

    Why are you even offended F awkes, you’re not even Irish, never mind Fenian. You are London-born, half Indian, about as ‘Irish’ as that great patriot Connor Cruise O’Singh.

    • 115
      A Celt says:

      Conor, you English halfwit.

    • 126
      Anonymous says:

      to be sure…

    • 274
      Jan says:

      So children born to English people in Egypt are Egyptian are they???I don’t think so. Look at the Irish Constitution you muppet.If you have an Irish parent/grandparent you are considered to be Irish.Unlike in England where if your children/grandchildren are born abroad they do not have an automatic right to a British passport.We give out passports to some very objectionable people,yet we don’t look after our own. Disgusting……….

      • 364
        Call me Infidel says:

        As the Duke of Wellington said “Being born in a stable does not make one a horse” after it was alleged he was Irish.

        • 424
          Nearly Headless Nick. says:

          Yes and being born in a stable definitely doesn’t make you a god – if it did we would all worship horses!
          Come to think of it why does any rational human being need to worship anybody or anything?
          Pathetic self abasement.

    • 444
      barefootcontessa says:

      In England we are all mongrels, and all the healthier for it.

      • 522
        Anonymous says:

        My Doberman Whippet cross was born in England, he even had a passport but the poor fucker died last week. So no we are not all healthier for it. In truth he couldn’t be more unhealthy if he tried. Which he can’t because he’s dead.

  50. 80

    Dear All

    My ditto;

    There has been too much diving on the pitch; if people want to train for muff diving then let them do so in their own time!

    Yours sincerely

    George Laird
    The Campaign for Human Rights at Glasgow University

  51. 81
    Matt C says:

    Ironic as it was supposedly UVF/UDA teens who attacked the gypos in Belfast on a brighter note though it looks like Islam is imploding on it’s self, Come on you Iranians score one for freedom and victory.

    Bercow supports mass immigration yet also the UVF who are against mass immigration. Usual hypocritical MP…… circuit malfunction..logic does not compute.

    • 281
      Jan says:

      It appears that the Romanians in question might have been involved in a bit of pilfering/pickpocketing,for which they are infamous.So,you give people asylum,you house them, you feed them and then they steal from you. Ain’t life grand?

      • 366
        Call me Infidel says:

        I think it unlikely that Romanians are granted asylum now they have joined the EU. It did happen prior to this but not once they became members. After all how could a country be allowed to join the glorious union of it persecuted it’s own people? I think the reality is more likely they have set up shop in Belfast and now claim they are destitute. That way the local authority has a legal obligation to house them. This I would suggest is the more likely explanation.

  52. 83
    Father Ted says:

    feck off!

  53. 85
    Laurie Brown says:

    How about this one?


    Scroll down a bit and there’s a picture of a gormless hoon and a gorilla. Excellent, and a good candidate for COTW…

  54. 87
    george says:

    The fact that Bercow is front runner for Speaker is all we need to know about this Parliament. Throw the bums out.

  55. 88
    backwoodsman says:

    Bercows ‘Il Duce’ impersonation, always got a laugh from the lads.

  56. 89
    Thats News says:

    Wow! What’s Jonty Pryor doing in the background??

  57. 91
    McGroom says:

    And the runes foretell that in the new millenium, I will sit at the left hand side of a one eyed son of the manse who shall divide and conquer the great Southern enemy and they shall be destroyed utterly and all their power cast across the sea.

  58. 95
    Koba says:

    Just started to read Brown’s expenses for 2005 in the Telegraph online. Why does he claim £650 for food between Oct And Dec.? Is he telling us that only MP’s need to eat to do their jobs? Why doesn’t he pay for his own food?

    We paid for his children’s noah’s toy-set christmas pesent? (at John Lewis)

    Is the bloke taking the piss or on the make?

    • 101
      hoof-hearted says:

      His food would already have be paid for as he was Chancellor then. I thought No.11 was staffed, policed, cleaned and everything else is already paid for at taxpayers expense.

      Why is this troughing bastard claiming for extra food, then?

      • 130
        Sacha Lottovem says:

        Probably parcels it up and sends it to the Honourable Member for Hull East.

    • 205
      Sylvia's Mother says:

      GB has never made anything in his life. Do not promote him above his station he has almost single handedly killed manufacturing in this country.

    • 427
      Nearly Headless Nick. says:


  59. 97
    Anonymous says:

    Nulabour really do love the greedy and nasty ones the most.

  60. 99
    Anonymous says:

    +++ McPoison’s back!+++

    I suspect Guido, you might be interested in this from the Telegraph:

    A Downing Street staff member, I can reveal, has leaked just how close Gordon Brown and Damian McBride remain…Before Mr Brown appeared on the Andrew Marr Show on May 31, he discussed his lines with Mr McBride by text message. This surely puts him at the heart of Gordon Brown’s inner circle.


  61. 100
    Caligula says:

    “As you know I’m a big footo fan and I was as surprised as anyone when Souness signed Mo Mowlam for Rangers.”

  62. 103
    Simon R says:

    John Bercow and little Jimmy Krankie raising funds for the Hitler Youth, just before someone advised him that it might hamper his career.

    Who the FOOK returned a booger like Bercow to Parliament as their official representative?? Oh yes, “I would like this completely slimy wanker to speak in the Commons on my behalf.” Tick. An absolute indictment of our party system – you think he’d make it as an independent?

    • 112
      Anon says:

      Who the fook? Common, stupid, dirty chavs, that’s who.

    • 287
      Jan says:

      Isn’t it the case that the Speaker automatically get re-elected to Parliament at a GE? So, if Bercow is elected as Speaker,his constituents couldn’t vote him out anyway Very undemocratic.

      • 593
        Pudge Facker says:

        Not so. By convention the ‘other parties’ don’t stand against the Speaker, but anyone else can stand as usual, and usually people do, though sadly with the same success as other independents.

        • 602
          A Guy from Gordon Broon's Alma Mater says:

          Might have happened before during WWII when the speaker was deemed inadequate.

        • 637
          A Guy from Gordon Broon's Alma Mater says:

          These people are experts in “unnecessary claims” you would think that theyw ould ahve caught more welfare fraudsters.

  63. 104
    Jimmy says:

    Excellent post. Surely ex-FCS types should be shunned by all decent people.

  64. 108
    Anonymous says:

    Rangers are a perfectly legal football club. It is not illegal to support them.

    The Red Hand of Ulster appears on the official flag of Northern Ireland, a constituent part of the United Kingdom. It is not illegal to display it.

    The Union Flags on the walls are the official flag of this country and used regularly and repeatedly by the Labour Party in its attempts to garner the votes of racists in the North of England.

    Bercow, in other words, visited a perfectly legal football supporters’ club where a number of completely national symbols were on display.

    Where, may I ask, is the great offence here? I know that most “British” Catholics are more hostile to this nation than Al-Qaeda could ever be and I know that most “British” Catholics laugh uproariously at the idea that they should obey the laws and support the constitutions of the nation in which they live but, really, isn’t it taking things just a wee bit too far to basically demand that anyone who’s ever been in the vicinity of a Union Flag or who’s ever watched a Rangers match should be held persona non grata?

    And when oh when oh when will Scotland’s Oirish Catholic community gather up their tricolours and their IRA graffiti and their priest-ridden political corruption and bugger off back to that shithole called Ireland that they incessantly sing about?

    • 113
      no longer anonymous says:

      Actually the Red Hand of Ulster isn’t the official flag of Northern Ireland – the Union Flag is. The Red Hand ceased to be the official flag in 1972.

      • 124
        Doctor Mick says:

        What’s an Irish flag doing flying in a Scottish football supporters club anyway if it is not a political statement?

        • 778
          Anonymous says:

          So Irish flags are never seen at Man Yoo, Liverpool, Everton or Chelsea functions or stadia.

          Bigoted prick.

    • 118
      Anon says:

      Wouldn’t be surprised if priests (as well as politicians) were involved with the kiddie fiddling vis-à-vis operation Ore.

    • 122
      Compton Mackenzie says:

      There are many Catholics in Scotland who are not Irish. Read (if you can) Whisky Galore.

      • 128
        The Beast of Clerkenwell says:

        The Irish are Scots
        They have just developed a sunnier nature whereas the average Jock is usualy a miserable Hoon
        To be fair to them
        I would be fucking miserable if I had to live it Shitland

        • 194
          Pudge Facker says:

          Ah, the usual bigoted nonsense from The Breast of Clerkenwell, the original Hoon’s Hoon.

        • 203
          Anonymous says:

          The Scots are Irish in fact, name comes from an Irish tribe the Scota who emigrated to Scotland and kicked out the Picts.

          This long before the pointless nonesense about which version of the Sky Fairy you believe in

        • 314
          shove your red fist up your arse nancy boy says:

          All the decent scots were moved to Ireland.
          Only the scum were left behind.
          Like the Rangers scum in the photo.

    • 134
      Kidney Bingoes says:

      I know that most “British” Catholics are more hostile to this nation than Al-Qaeda could ever be and I know that most “British” Catholics laugh uproariously at the idea that they should obey the laws and support the constitutions of the nation in which they live

      Evidence please, anonymous coward.

    • 169
      jgm2 says:

      You, in your ignorance, will be unaware that Wellington’s army was 40% Irish Catholic. You, in your ignorance, will also be unaware that in WW1 a higher percentage of Irish Catholics volunteered for active service than English or Scots.

      You will also be unaware, due to your ignorance, that in WWII a higher percentage of NI Catholics saw active service than their Protestant countrymen. But if you stopped to think about it you might be able to figure out how that came about. Go on. Take your time….

      Still not there? Well dear boy, it is because the Protestants had sown up all the good jobs in shipbuilding, police etc etc. All the ‘reserved’ occupations in fact.

      What a stroke of luck eh?

      So while Billy and his mates were fucking about in the docks on a safe wage their kinsmen from down the road weren’t down the road at all. The were building the fucking Burma Road.

      Do you always wear your ignorance with such fucking pride?

      • 231
        Ruth Kelly's plaything says:

        Well said, JGM2. I’m troubled that the racist ire normally and properly directed against those who impose the burqua on their womenfolk is being diverted towards a group who (unlike the bearded sons of the desert and points East) have largely integrated into British society. OK, there are a few loonies left in socialist utopian cesspits like Liverpool and Glasgow. but on the whole they behave themselves.

        Let’s give the Pope a rest and carry on mullah-bashing.

        Oh, and on a point of fact, the prod-dominated Belfast shipyards got a real pasting from Hermann Goering’s chaps. Working there in the war was no cakewalk.

      • 234
        Willowfield says:

        Is it true that in WWII it was the only time that Orange marches were voluntarily cancelled as it would not do to have people seen pointlessly marching when there was a war on?

      • 331
        Jan says:

        Absolutely spot-on jgm2. We were never taught the history of Ireland at school.It’s only recently been on the curriculum as far as I can gather and then only as coursework. The Protestant Stuarts and King Billy have a lot to answer for. As we are about to enter the marching season I cannot believe that fat old t………..rs are still referred to as ‘apprentices’.Most of them appear to be in their 60s.They march through Catholic areas banging their stupid big drums.Basically to say ‘ooooo we beat you in a battle hundreds of years ago’. Pathetic. The biggest windbag of all Mr Paisley, has certainly enriched himself and created the Paisley Dynasty on the back of anti-Catholic sentiments.

        • 395
          Anonymous says:

          Since you are in West Cork and have developed an interest in Irish History you may like to read Eoghan Harris ( a local man ) and what happened to the “brits” round your area ( ie why there are so few ). Ireland has a habit of hushing up what it doesn’t like the outside world to know.

          Be careful you sound like a brit yourself .

        • 425
          Peter Hart says:

          An excellent work of fiction masquerading as history comme Dan Brown

      • 388
        Kidney Bingoes says:

        I don’t believe in organised religon anymore, but I come from a Catholic family. All of my great grandfathers served in the British Army during World War I, including the Irish ones. Can’t have been that hostile to Britain can they Anon, you mug?

        • 622
          Anonymous says:

          They changed that for WW2 though eh ? Collaborators…..

        • 831
          David Graham says:

          Surely you mean the Orange Order who went into the shipyards to avoid the fighting and avoided doing as much work as they could.

      • 431
        Nearly Headless Nick. says:

        ‘Cos, due to their breeding like rabbits there were more of them?

    • 298
      Jan says:

      I suppose they’ll return to Ireland when the b………..s who were ‘planted’ by the Stuarts mainly in Ulster from 1607 return to Scotland. Also when the British aristocracy give up land in Ireland which they stole and still own.

    • 400
      jus'askin says:

      Having sat silently in a London pub whilst a Dublin dole scrounger expounded on the deficiencies of the English, their country, their history, their monarchy & their beer one of my most abiding memories was the look on his face the instant before a pint beer mug impacted his nose.
      Worth getting banned from the pub for…….

      • 822
        Jan says:

        ‘Dublin dole scrounger’ er…….how did you know he was on the dole?Also unless the man is mad why would he ‘scrounge’ £65 a week in London when in Dublin he’d get 204 Euros a week?Talking of dole scoungers,there are many British hippy/alternative types and others down here in west Cork claiming 204 Euros a week plus numerous other benefits.Up on the borders with NI many young people were claiming in the south but living in the north.So it ain’t so bad here for the Brits.All OAPs have to earn 40,000 Euros before they are taxed,plus they get lots of benefits,whereas in Brown’s Britain they get taxed on their miserly pensions.

    • 546
      NewGirl says:

      As a “Britsish Catholic” I’m a bit bloody offended.

      • 599
        Pudge Facker says:

        You seem quite capable of being offensive to the Scots when it suits you, so what’s good for the Scots goose is good for the Fenian gander.

        • 645
          NewGirl says:

          Too many Scots running my country. Badly.

        • 691
          Pudge Facker says:

          But that doesn’t justify being offensive to Scots who are nothing to do with ZaNuLab does it? Or, by the same standard, are you therefore accountable for the abuse of children by catholic priests?

          Apparently priest is an acronym – Paedophile Resident In Every Small Town – we should have known!

        • 813
          NewGirl says:

          how original

        • 823
          Jan says:

          The ONLY racism I have ever encountered and I have travelled the world was by Scottish people.

        • 826
          Pudge Facker says:

          NewGirl: “how original”

          Indeed – perhaps now you see how irritating it is to be unfairly tarred with someone else’s brush – whether it be because Gordon Brown is also a Scot or so many Catholic priests have a predilection for small children.

          Jan: “The ONLY racism I have ever encountered and I have travelled the world was by Scottish people”

          Well, you can’t have been paying much attention in life if you haven’t realised yet that racists come in all forms and from all races – not just the Scots! Moreover, you’re wrong to imply that all Scots are therefore racists – not true (and a racist notion in itself!).

          If you open your eyes you’ll see plenty of anti-Scots racism exhibited on this very thread by the likes of NewGirl, who think it’s okay to whinge about Jocks and the Scotch just because Gordon Brown is a Scot – it’s not my fault, I’ve never voted for the feckers (unlike the millions of English people who elected a majority of Labour MPS in England who elected Brown as their leader).

        • 833
          A Vowel Consonant Vowel Combination says:


  65. 110
    Simon R says:

    Bercow spent his first night in Margaret Beckett’s caravan hosting a “who has the longest mullet?” competition…

  66. 114
    Austrian Economist says:

    Bercow: “We’re not up to our necks in Fenian blood yet, but we’re doing well and up to about so high so far.”

  67. 119
    Anonymous says:

    What on earth is Bercow doing in Borat’s house with al those people ?

  68. 123
    Simon R says:

    Bercow stars in an amateur remake of “Gorillas In The Mist”, using Scotties instead of apes, because they’re cheaper (hairier and more stupid).

  69. 127
    Scott says:

    Oh dear. Here I was thinking ill of Mr. Bercow and you go and “out” him as a Rangers fan and pro-Israel. I’m on board now, Mr. Speaker Bercow.

    • 135
      Simon R says:

      I know, but next we’ll find out that Margaret Beckett’s a lipstick lesbian whose father owns a winery, and we’ll be spoilt for choice again ;)

  70. 131
    Bomb the Meek! says:

    What I find frightening is he seems to believe the mince he spouts. At least most socialists are just in if for sh@gging shallow lefty women and as much power as they can grab (which is at least an attitude you can respect).

  71. 139

    “The silicon chip inside her head
    Gets switched to overload”

  72. 141
    Disco Biscuit says:

    Sorry, no caption as such here, just want to say that this man is a total Hunt.

    There, I feel better now…

  73. 142
    Simon R says:

    Status Quo’s drummer films Bercow’s arse by mistake, as he can’t tell which end the noise is coming out of.

  74. 144

    Hazel Blears: (for surely ’tis she to Bercow’s right): “I’m not doing that again with my finger.”
    Bercow: “Who did that? Do it again a little more to the left.”

  75. 146
    Disco Biscuit says:

    Why does the word C*NT automatically get replaced with the word Hoon?

    I meant to be offensive, but not that offensive…!

  76. 146
    Simon R says:

    Bercow jokes about his taxpayer-funded expenses to crowds in Scotland, because there aren’t any taxpayers up there.

  77. 152
    jgm2 says:

    He looks like that David Walliams bloke doing a spoof for ‘Little Britain’.

    Actually giving a taste of the reverence in which the Rangers hold their Catholic kinsmen on such a widely watched show might give the general population a bit more insight into just what the fuck the Irish were getting excited about.

    I once worked with a Rangers ‘Fan’ who took great pleasure in informing me that he had the same seat for his season ticket as his dad and his grand-dad. But what really fucking cheered him up was telling me how he handed back in disgust when they signed Mo Johnson. On a matter of principle you understand. Because you’ve got to have your principles you know.

    So a big fuck you to Bobby Laing. Fucking bigot. Universally hated by Protestant, Catholic, French, Gabonese and the league of fucking nations. Last heard of in Saudi Arabia. Well, you’ve got to have your fucking principles eh Bobby? You’ll be right at home with that bunch of open-minded religiously principled folk.

  78. 153
    Disco Biscuit says:

    Standing on a chair and he’s still f.u.c.k.i.n.g. short.

    Did that get through the moderation? :)

  79. 154
    Anonymous says:

    Aswell as being a rabid zionist, a Monday Clubber, and best mates with Harvey (spank gay rent-boys) Proctor, wasn’t little Bercow a homosexual before he met his Labour supporting wife to be and started to swing both ways?

  80. 155
    Andrew K says:

    Oi veh! Fuck the pope! AND his vife!

  81. 156
    Disco Biscuit says:

    He’s an ugly bugger*, too. Looks kinda like a phalidomide.

    *Just a term of abuse, not a reference to those rumours about his university days…

  82. 163
    Anonymous says:

    Did those Glasgow Rangers fans not realise that John Bercowstein wasn’t a fellow anglo-saxon. His face hardly stands up to much scrutiny after all.

  83. 164
    Harry Cole-Bean says:


  84. 165
    Sukhpreet Hothi says:

    Take the chip of your shoulder, dip it in some sauce and eat it. I am not impressed by your attitude. You have just put yourself in the same category as Giles Coren for being arsy about your background. It’s tedious and unbecoming.

    And, I am not going to miss this opportunity to have a go at Catholicism.

    1. Christianity is a heap of bullshit, as is any religion. The more enlightened religious types who see religion as being neccessary as some kind of ‘sweetener’ are contemptuous of humanity.
    2. Catholicism is the worst kind of Christianity. You have stupid hierarchies and bestow trust to those that should be locked away.
    3. The “Catholics can never renounce their religion, but only become bad Catholic” idea is retarded. Read some books and try and insert some rationality into your views.

    I hasten to add that I am not a member of the protestant conspiracy trying to deal with Catholics. I would be glad if Ireland has its stolen land returned. And Bercow is a twat regardless of his greasy early right-wing ethics.

    • 177
      Anonymous says:

      Giles Coren is a creep, a pervert, a hypocrite, and a tosser.

      A bit like Bercow, in fact.

    • 179
      Braveheart says:

      Get tae fuck ye p-aki bastard.

      • 186
        Anonymous says:


        • 263
          Anonymous says:

          Muppets who cannot face the fact that they will die without inventing an imaginary god. Cowards.

          And then they put the paedos in charge of delivering “god’s” message.

          And one is surprised such irrationality was a great hit in Ireland?

    • 483
      resurgemus says:

      If Ireland’s stolen land is to be returned please address your request to M. N. Sarkozy, since it was the Norman Barons who first stole it.

  85. 172
    It's all Balls says:

    “You all know me. I’m a genuine guy, one of the most honest you’ll come across and I have been proud to be a lifetime Rangers fan. I remember my Dad taking me to Parkhead when I was … AAAAARGH”

  86. 174
    Branston Pie says:

    Bercow ███████ ████████ █ ███████ █ chutney █████ ██ ████████ █ chutney ███████████████ ████ ████ █ chocolate ████████ ███████ █ starfish ███████ ████████ █ turd ███████ █ burglar ███████ █

  87. 175
    Simon R says:

    “Hey,” said Bercow in the pub, “I’ve got some great Scottish socialist jokes.”

    “Before you start,” said the big bloke in the corner, “I’m a Scottish socialist.”

    “Don’t worry,” said JB, “I’ll tell them slowly. Oooo, tough crowd…”

  88. 178
    Sir Mufbourne-Harbor says:

    As you can see, the Dart Board is rotatable to give agent Hazel a chance of hitting a double twenty when she visits with news from Westminster

  89. 187
    Jeremiah Horrocks says:

    Completely unrelated, but hey:-

    Must be what it’s like to walk into Number 10!

  90. 193
    Fucktard Alert says:

    Foreign policy can never be the same again — and it’s all because of the internet, ██████████ said in an exclusive interview with the Guardian.

    Referring to the so-called Twitter revolution in Iran, the ██████████ said technological advances and the democratisation of information mean “foreign policy can no longer be the province of just a few elites”.

    He described the internet era as “more tumultuous than any previous economic or social revolution”. “For centuries, individuals have been learning how to live with their next-door neighbours,” he added.

    “Now, uniquely, we’re having to learn to live with people who we don’t know.”

    Read more of this stunning hypocrisy here

    • 208
      bbc news editor says:

      Who gives a fuck about Iran, I don’t want to see it on the fucking news every day. Oh and please let’s have some more non news about fucking swine flu – more people have been killed by falling pianos , and if anyone mentions globalwarming I’m going to puke.

  91. 200
    Nadine: Someone attacked my patio furniture says:

    The ██████ backbencher Nadine Dorries said today that her home had been vandalised and she had received threatening messages in the wake of the MPs’ ██████████ scandal.

    Dorries, the MP for ██████████ – who previously claimed the pressure caused by the row could drive MPs to take their own lives – said patio furniture had been smashed and her ██████████ had been left “huddled, shivering wrecks”.


  92. 212
    Anonymous says:

    Never used to like Bercow – how I was wrong! Could you go a chicken supper Bobby Sands?
    Oh the bluebells are blue… (repeat endlessly). Haha

  93. 214
    Question master says:

    Question : has Brown ever looked like he was wearing clean and ironed clothes?
    Answer: No

    This is very suspicious – according yo the Telegraph’s stuff, Brown frequently claimed for ironing and laundry. This also appears contrary to Green Book rules.

    Maybe he will resign?

    • 218
      Pampers says:

      I think he soils himself on a regular basis

    • 223
      V for Victory says:

      Yeah, and Winston Churchill might be re-elected.

      • 338
        Sir Mufbourne-Harbor says:

        But he has a point…..why are we paying for cleaning and ironing for Brown to turn out like Uncle Buck at a funeral?

    • 382
      Dr Feelgood says:

      Remember that episode in Blackadder III where Prince George couldn’t understand why he was spending £10K a month on socks, because Blackadder was selling them out the back door. Perhaps it’s like that?

      Not that I wish to impugn the Prince Regent’s intelligence by comparing him to Gordon.

  94. 217
    John Birkshire Hunt says:

    I have a big John Thomas like the Milkman’s horse

  95. 220
    Ratsniffer says:

    Guido, you underestimate the sheer nastiness and pettyness of labour MPs, who will elect someone not because he is the right person for the job, but out of spite, and political malevolence. NuLabour = nasty nasty nasty.

  96. 222
    caesars wife says:

    Comrades and fellow conservatives !!

  97. 230
    ok alt 219 says:

    Never heard of this Bercow t██t ,who the hell is he,another s█████h █it.

    • 235
      Anonymous says:

      Is he related to the esteemed thespian Steven Bercow.

    • 245
      fucdifino says:

      How do you do that?

      • 255
        Redaction rules OK? says:

        As any self respecting Labour troll will tell you, it’s just copy & paste.

        • 268
          ok alt 219 says:

          numlock on, use num keypad,use left alt, hold it down then key in 219 let go of alt, beware as you can really cock things up w████████s help Iv,e been redacted.

        • 332
          Ewanme says:

          OMG !!!

          Cheers ok alt , honey x .

          That is soooo f███ing coool . Who says you never learn anthin on here ???

          I always wondered wot those numbers were all about xx .

          E x .

      • 266

        Hold down the alt key while typing 219

        … or put a receipt for a postage stamp through the fees office and have them blank it out for security reasons.

  98. 232
    Charles E Hardwidge Senior says:

    Order, Order, Order
    >> I want a floating duck house
    >> I want to clear my moat
    >> I need to mend my tennis court
    >> That’s why I need your vote.
    >> I have to build a portico
    >> My swimming pool needs mending
    >> My lovely plants need horse manure
    >> And the Aga needs much tending.
    >> A chandelier is vital
    >> Mock Tudor boards are great
    >> My hanging baskets won awards
    >> And I’ve earned a tax rebate.
    >> I need a glitter toilet seat
    >> My piano so needs tuning
    >> Maltesers help me stay awake
    >> And my orchard must need pruning.
    >> I could have said the rules were wrong
    >> And often thought I should
    >> But somehow it was easier
    >> To profit all I could.
    >> The public really have to see
    >> That the rules are there to test
    >> And by defrauding taxpayers
    >> We were just doing our best.
    >> The Speaker of the House has gone
    >> Our sacrificial beast
    >> But the public are still braying
    >> For our corpses at the feast.
    >> What do the public want from us
    >> Those vote-wielding ingrates?
    >> They really should be grateful
    >> To be financing our estates
    >> The message is so very clear
    >> (we’re merely learning late)
    >> That the British way of living well
    >> Is to screw the bloody state.

  99. 236
    Anonymous says:

    GUIDO, Is it not a bit fucking stupid to draw Bercow into a phoney war between two factions, Proddys and Fenians, when the guy is yet another Israeli on the make and on the take ??

  100. 237
    Heckler says:

    Heckler: You’re a knob jockey.
    Bercow: Look, this is my job. I don’t turn up at your job and piss on the burgers.

  101. 238
    Anonymous says:

    Bercow singing – “And when in future Thatcher pops her clogs and the bitchy old witch is dead, then I shall be carried aloft on people’s arms, right into the Speaker’s chair..”

  102. 240
    Anonymous says:

    What would his wife say about mixing with that crowd ?

  103. 241
    A Silent Emission of Bowel Gas says:

    Bercow used to be a typical, bumptious, Tory twat.

    Things have changed now.

    Not sure if he’s still a Tory.

  104. 246
    Matt C says:

    The Scots can’t talk their all facking immigrants and race replacers, The Scots are descended from the Irish Pict tribes that where forced up to the highlands land and home of the CALEDONIANS.

    So the Scots are really Irish who forced/kicked out the Caledonians from their own homeland into England.

    I’m half Irish so i know this init.

    Bloody useless Scots.

    • 798
      Gordon Brown pops out his false eye so Fondlebum can skull-fuck him says:

      You know precisely fuck all, you fucking moron. ‘Irish Pict tribes’ HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH! Idiot.

  105. 253
    Anonymous says:

    you need to develop a thicker skin.

    the song you seem so offended by is a mock tribute to dead ira scum.

    unless you see things in thier context you look like a fool.

    over here in northern ireland, ive had to listen to people call me a”fucking hun bastard” ive even had it painted on my fence.

    if i want to sing a song about them ill do it dipshit.


    • 305
      irished says:

      fucking hun bastard can I come an paint your fence? How about green and white hoops or if you prefer I’ll cover it with dipping sauce so you can dip that big chip in it, you know the one on your shoulder! Salt & vinegar with that?

      • 317
        Anonymous says:

        fuck you provo. ive shit more of you lot than youll know. i suggest you stay hidden behind your keyboard. if not just nip down to the village bonfire ill be waiting

        • 336
          Anon says:

          twat alert, twat alert!

        • 349
          Anonymous says:

          yeah typical dickhead. full of opinions while sitting hundreds of miles away behind a desk.

          perhaps if you had experienced your home blowing up around you you could have a view.

          untill then you keep pretending you knoe all about things over here.

  106. 259
    Anonymous says:

    “Bloody ‘eck, Boyle has lost weight hasn’t she?”
    “Still an ugly bastard though”

  107. 262
    resurgemus says:

    Well Guido, this has been a tremendously successful Caption Competition.

    I have concluded several things:

    1. You are not the only one with along memory
    2. Scotland will descend into Civil War within 3 nanoseconds of independence
    3. Don’t buy a house in Drogheda

    What a shame Oliver Cromwell and George SNP Laird did not contribute more.

    For next Friday could you run a Cyprus Special ?

    • 330

      Dear resurgemus

      Sorry slightly busy today, celebrating another SNP by-election victory in Scotland.

      John Bercow says;

      Resurgemus’s wife sends him for the milk and I deliver a pint of the cream stuff; she loves it!

      Yours sincerely

      George Laird
      The Campaign for Human Rights at Glasgow University

    • 334
      Anon says:

      North or south?

    • 352
      Dr Feelgood says:

      What a happy little archipelago we are, aren’t we?

      12 years of Labour and the clock’s been wound back to the 17th Century.

  108. 265
    Swiss Bob says:

    You think that’s funny you should warch Martin McGuinness going on about the horrible racists in Belfast. I don’t know how he keeps a straight face: ’Kneecaps’ holds forth on the evils that men do (outside Parliament).

  109. 267
    Ian Phlegming says:


  110. 269
    Bercow's long term ambition: Speaker says:

    This blog has been pushing the Bercow line for some considerable time:


  111. 276
    Spin Doctor says:

    Tory Totty on Daily Politics…Louise Bagshawe can have all the expenses she wants as far as I’m concerned. Take me for all I’ve got Louise Baby!

    • 289
      resurgemus says:

      She is also a best-selling novelist of chick-lit.

      By way of interest Kevin Maguire’s wife Emma Burstall is also a novelist of chick-lit.
      In her latest novel she one of her leading characters is a woman married to a man who is hiding being gay.

      What’s all that about ?

  112. 282
    Ben Bradshaw: £3.25 for Gay magazine says:

    Minister Ben Bradshaw claimed £3.25 for gay Magazine called “Attitude”

    This and many more cheesy MP’s claims at:


  113. 292
    Fair minded says:

    Hello, hello, how do you do?
    we hate the boys in royal blue
    we hate the boys in emerald green
    so fuck the pope and fuck the queen

  114. 296

    Although I wouldn’t use the offensive language that others before me have used, those commenters questioning your claim to Irishness do have a slight point.

    I’ve seen you on television, Guido, and you both sound and act very English indeed.

    You’re no more Irish than I am Italian (which I’m not!)

  115. 297
    AnonyMouse says:

    Don’t get too cockey guys, look at this:

    In evidence to a Commons committee, overshadowed completely by the publication of the expense files yesterday, Bill Cockburn, head of the Senior Salaries Review Body (SSRB), said he believed parliamentarians were underpaid by “10 per cent to 15 per cent”. (TheTimes)

    Despite all the expenses shit all MPs could be in line for a 15% pay rise…..

  116. 299
    Dolly's Butt Plug says:

    Where’s Dolly?

  117. 306

    O/T, but good news for haters of Brown everywhere: a fresh ‘Brownlie’ has just been uncovered.

    In Hansard, no less, so it must be true…

  118. 311
    Desperate Dan says:

    I’m entirely in agreement with the Iranian Ayatollah when he says the British government is the most evil in the world. One of their most evil acts has been to destroy our good reputation in the world. I also agree with him when he pours contempt on the BBC for propping up the evil Labour regime. Don’t let anyone believe their bleatings about being ‘impartial and free from government interference’.
    This government must be similar to the one that prompted British intelligence officers to sign up to spy for the Soviet Union in the 30s. I hope they’re doing it again cos this government doesn’t deserve an ounce of loyalty from anyone.

    • 316
      Sir William Waad says:

      The National Government of the 1930s was generally a good one. It brought an end to the Depression and preserved democracy and a civil society at a time when most countries were submitting to the jackboot. It failed only in dealing with the rise of fascism. The intelligence officers defecting because they were treacherous snobbish deluded upper-class bastards.

      • 337
        Desperate Dan says:

        Unlike our incompetent, corrupt, undemocratic , money grubbing, unprincipled Labour government there were only a handful of spies and they did far less damage than Gofrdon Brown. They didn’t destroy our economy, our education system, our international reputation, our legal system or even our defence.

      • 346
        Anonymous says:

        A bit like many champagne socialists really. People who just KNOW what is the right way forward and because not everyone can see things as clearly as they can then their “values” must be enshrined in law. The ends justifying the means.

        • 357
          Desperate Dan says:

          And the Cambridge 5 were responsible for many deaths but not as many as the Labour government – not as many as Iraqis killed in Iraq, not as many as our troops killed as a result of inadequate equipment, not as many as people murdered by illegal immigrants, not as many as killed by useless foreign doctors, not as many as have died through drug and alcohol abuse, not as many as have committed suicide rather than live in the hell created by Blair, Mandelson, Brown, Straw, Campbell, Woodward while they were lining their pockets and embezzling from the national purse.

    • 370
      13eastie says:

      President Ahmadinejad has been voted into office not once, but twice.

      With no “postal voting”.

      Compared to Brown, his popular mandate is massively empowering.

      Compared to Brown, Iran’s leaders have, since the Shah went “on vacation”, enjoyed huge popularity and respect, domestically at least.

      The Iranians, arguably, have earned carte blanche to say whatever they like about Brown.

      • 394
        Desperate Dan says:

        How very true. And Armadinejad is a proper politician. He doesn ‘t need lickspittles like Mandelson to tend to his sanity and feed his delusions of greatness.

  119. 313
    Stronghold Barricades says:

    What team do you support?

  120. 321
    Desperate Dan says:

    If the Irish can’t lay claim to their ethnic roots then neither can anyone else who lives in England. So piss off Scots, West Indians, Italians, Greeks, Africans, Bangladeshis, Pakistanis, pikies, Indians, Sri Lankans and everyone else and never again ask for any taxpayer/pole taxpayer for any money to celebrate your recently invented “traditions”.

    • 727
      Jack Ketch says:

      And those Johnny come lately Celts and Anglo Saxons can sod off as well. Bleedin’ foreigners!

  121. 329
    Pee Stains says:

    Wah! wah! wah!

  122. 344
    Sir Mufbourne-Harbor says:

    219██ ##~?

  123. 345
    Pee Stains says:

    Sort of Irish ish (Ealing West London) entrepreneur and investor in internet ventures.

  124. 354
    Anonymous says:

    Irish to re-run Lisbon vote

    Please NO

    • 372
      chronic says:

      Ireland take the advice of Grange Hills anti drug song “JUST SAY NO”

    • 377
    • 396
      Dr Feelgood says:

      Strange, this is really a huge story and little/no coverage on the BBC.

      It’s almost as if they want the people of UK not to know what’s going on…

      Mr Hague, I trust you really mean it when you say that ‘the matter will not rest there’ if the treaty is ratified before the Conservatives take office.

      • 728
        Anonymous says:

        Agreed, Dr.
        I can’t believe this isn’t central to UK News after the comments from Clarke.
        As commented in “The Plan”, this EU monster just keeps coming at you whatever you throw in its way.
        Let’s hope the Irish don’t fall for their exclusion terms. The changes do pander to the least educated, however.
        If they do then the Tories will need to come off that fence pretty quickly and with a heavy hand.
        Otherwise the UKIP are going to deny the Tories an outright majority
        (at best) – and I’m one of those who will ensure that.

    • 430
      Seth the pig farmer says:

      At the time of the rejection by the Irish, it was suggested that the treaty could be legally amended under clauses in the treaty itself without the need for re-ratification in the other states. Obviously the logic of this is apparent only through the prism of the EU.

      Ideally for the EU the guarntees to the Irish would be deemed part of the treaty but by only affecting the Irish, do not affect the other nation states, therefore again no re-ratification would be needed. This would certainly be subject to legal challenge in Eire and probaly in the UK. Luckily the constitutional court in Eire is a bit more independent than the supine judges in the UK.

      In any event, by allowing any modification to the Lisbon Treaty, a new front is opened up. Given the recent votes in the EU elections, even with Cowan’s plan, acceptance is by no means guaranteed in Eire.

      For freedom loving democrats everywhere, we need to have a general election prior to the Irish re-vote. With a Tory Government we can expect a referendum on Lisbon, but we can see them wavering already if the Irish vote has gone through as “Yes”.

      If the Irish can get a second bite of the cherry, then why not us.

      Join the Midsummer Revolution….

      • 446
        Means Test ACA says:

        I resent having the fate of this country dictated by religious fanatics constantly in internal violent conflict.

        I mean, what’s wrong with a bit of recreational womb-scraping?

  125. 362
    GeeWhizz says:

    James Whale on LBC has just been taking a pop at Brown looking like a drunk on Sky at the moment. Seems Brown’s collar is out of his jacket again and he stands on the world stage in Brussels looking like an unkempt idiot.

    Anyone have a photo or link to a pic?

  126. 363
    Anonymous says:

    I shall wave my right hand, thus, and the odious little snot behind me will disappear…

  127. 367
    lumpy says:

    What a bercow.

  128. 369
    • 373
      Brooned off says:

      I hear the steady throb of heavy container ship engines chugging up the Thames laden with whitewash ready to unload exceedingly large volumes of said stuff!

      • 378
        NOT Jacqui Smith's husband says:

        I have done a bit if spraying of the old white stuff in my time.

        • 386
          Brooned off says:

          …and of course your wife benefited greatly from the father of all whitewashers – John Whitewash Lyon CB

        • 401
          lolol says:

          Has the whitewash pipeline from th D███x factory to the HOC broken down again.

        • 428
          Richard Littlepenis says:

          I had that Richard Timney in the back of my cab the other day. Stuck fast he was. Had to steam him out in the end.

    • 393
      nell says:

      Yes but they don’t say who!!!

      Although I did read a suggestion yesterday that BaronessU is one of them.Presumably Morley and Chaytor who charged for mortgages that didn’t exist are there too….one wonders if there are any more than that.

      • 413
        lolol says:

        They are just throwing a few crumbs to the great unwashed to calm them down so don’t get excited.

      • 415
        Seth the pig farmer says:

        Griffiths (Edinburgh South) claimed the same 2 invoices twice for over £1000. Should be a straight forward enough conviction.

        • 421
          Rubber Fetish says:

          Clerical error dear boy. The cheque’s on its way, postdated to next July naturellement.

        • 519
          John Rebus says:

          If only the real polis were as good as the one the fictional John rebus worked for

    • 403
      In the bag says:

      Dunno about you, but the phrase “the Met has decided to launch an investigation into the alleged misuse of expenses by a small number of MP’s and peers” has “whitewash” written all over it to me.

      There are in excess of 600 crooks just waiting to be nabbed in one raid at the House of Commons. It would boost the Met’s crime clear up rate by several percentage points this year. Yet they seem very reluctant to get involved.

      I wonder why Sir Paul Stephenson?

  129. 371
    Anonymous says:

    test █████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

  130. 374
    Austin Mitchell MP Takes The Piss says:

    Austin Mitchell MP:

    “I was made the butt of a million jokes by a claim for Branston pickle, so everywhere I go in Grimsby they ask if I’ve brought the Branston, or ask for jars as raffle prizes. I paid the money back to the fees office because booze should not have been claimed for in the first place. But it does me no good. They say the booze can’t now be deleted. Perhaps I should ask for my money back. What’s the use of being virtuous if no one knows? ”


    Today’s most arrogant cutn of the day?

  131. 387
    Bob says:

    Scotland Yard has decided to launch an investigation into the alleged misuse of expenses by a small number of MPs and peers, the BBC has learned.

    • 391
      hoof-hearted says:

      A small number would be about right. I’d be really surprised if any of them were charged. They look after their own.

      • 407
        Wholly, necessarily and exclusively says:

        I’m slightly more optimistic; they didn’t want to run an enquiry at all, but the evidence is to strong to ingore. Not launching an investigation could itself have set an awkward precedent.

        I expect hte establishment might not be averse to the odd prosecution and jail sentence; it will make the job of hte whips a good deal easier and might, they would reason, serve to appeas the public’s desirefor retribution, a desire which is not oging away at all …

        • 419
          Is there a God says:

          This is payback time. The ones who get fingered by the law might be tempted to dish some dirt on those who aren’t being fingered.

          I hope…

    • 467
      Chloe Sal Jebeeba says:

      The Brown Bullshit Corporation never learns.

  132. 389
    Anonymous says:

    He’s saying….

    ” Are you ready lads ? Altogether now…

    Big Jock KNEW, oh Big Jock knew….”

  133. 397
    Anonymous says:

    Brown criticises iran, at least they submitted themselves to an election.

    Our unelected leader yields the white flag to brussels and gives up control of the city of london finances. The germans and the french are delighted.

    Just what would have happened id we had lost the second world war?

    • 405
      Anonymous says:

      blimey guido, I thought you’d gone off me well and truly. You’ve been censoring so many of mine, I’d thought you had just signed up for the labour party and was out campaigning!

    • 409
      Seth the pig farmer says:

      This is just another poison pill for the next government. All such actions should be immediatley revoked after the next election. The Tories should fire a warning shot now to that effect immediately.

      • 420
        There Is Not A God says:

        I don’t trust the fucking Cons but if they are a worthy opposition surely it is imperative that they fire as many shots as possible. Isn’t that their constitutional duty FFS? Not much hope I fear. They are all cut from the same cloth.

  134. 402
    Anonymous says:

    the daily telegraph is publishing the cabinets expenses in full right now

    • 433
      michel de montaigne says:

      Will someone please explain to me why the majority of these claim forms are all completed in the same hand???

  135. 404
    Cyco Billy says:

    Bercow: “And when I went to Africa, I found it was full of people only this high. It was then that all my soap went missing. Would you like to hear what happened next?”

  136. 410
    Cyco Billy says:

    Bercow demonstrates that the Hand of God moves in mysterious ways.

    • 416
      Cyco Billy says:

      …Rangers supporters, used to a certain standard of refereeing, are sceptical.

  137. 411
    Anonymous says:

    “I have one vote. I gave it to Moussavi.
    I have one life. I will give it for Freedom.”

    Could you see any of our politicians saying this or indeed any member of the public?

    So consumed by greed are we all.

    • 417
      Muscle says:

      I can see John Bercow standing in front of a tank.

      I can see the tank running him over too.

      But enough of my gay fantasies, where’s my copy of Attitude?

    • 442
      Ewanme says:

      OMG , hun !!!

      I ain’t got time to be consumed by greed . I’m still stuck on lust .

      E x .

  138. 414
    michel de montaigne says:

    has this been posted yuet?


    • 418
      councilhousetory says:

      Just about to post the same. Plod finally taking some action on troughers.

  139. 426
    Matt C says:

    The UVF didn’t stand for any shit from those Gypo’s selling drugs and running a pick pocketing racket in Belfast.

    The national presses turn it into a humanitarian sympathy story about the Romanian kids which yes admittely have done nothing wrong and don’t deserve that kind of abuse as their only children.


    It doesn’t excuse or give the parents fresh from the bananna boat the right to be claiming benefits and houses from the poorest part of ireland with some of the poorest citizens and then running a drugs cartel & theivery racket with said benefit money and said houses given by the good natured and good willied tolerant Irish people.

    All the bleeding heart liberals should house the Gypo’s in their house and let them run their drugs cartels from your address and then we’ll see how ”racist” and untolerant the boyo’s where.

  140. 429
    bandersnatch says:

    Surer than a rabbit punch to the kidneys, a karate chop to the larynx will fell the fiercest Fenian bastard.

  141. 435
    Captain Bob says:

    The song was about IRA hunger striker Bobby Sands.

    “Could you go a chicken supper you filthy fenian fucker?!”

    So it’s anti-IRA not anti-Catholic.

  142. 437
    Champions darts player says:

    sticks a dart in the Celtic Skunner-john reid-heid

  143. 438
    UK Eurovision Entry says:

    Disco Biscuit says:
    June 19, 2009 at 2:16 pm

    Why does the word C*NT automatically get replaced with the word Hoon?

    I meant to be offensive, but not that offensive…!
    Simon R says:
    June 19, 2009 at 2:16 pm

    Bercow jokes about his taxpayer-funded expenses to crowds in Scotland, because there aren’t any taxpayers up there.

  144. 440
    Dick Scratcher says:

    Police to investigate 4 MPs & one peer. Lets hope the rozzers nail the bastards.

    • 441
      grobdj says:


    • 450
      P.C. Filth says:

      Ho, ho, sir. Yes, we’re going to proceed to mince into their affairs, in a gingerly manner and give them a good telling-off.
      These bastards are going to feel the full force of our advice, sir. They are very naughty boys and girls and, as such, should stand in the corner while we flick bits of soggy paper at them with a ruler. Over.

  145. 447
    Presbyterian Work Ethic says:

    This is the best bit of publicity John Bercow will ever have. No Surrender John, you are now one of us…WATP!

  146. 448
    Timney's XXX movies finally surface says:

    The Telegraph has published Jacqui Smith’s expenses for the last year, including the Virgin Media bill with two blue movies, marked innocuously as “Additional Feature (18)”

    He (or they) also watched Oceans Thirteen twice, and Surf’s up, and tried to claim for them too.


    • 525
      J M Escrivea says:

      Oceans Thirtenn two times? So they were too stupid to understand it the first time?

  147. 449
    Niaomi Long says:

    Oh you poor poor thieving pick-pocketing gypos. Here, have a luxury flat each to live in for nothing to make us feel better in our leafy middle class gypo-free areas.

  148. 451
    michel de montaigne says:

    The internet strikes again. So much for redaction

    Bercows signature


  149. 452
    Trough Mixture says:

    The peer is ‘Udders’ she confirms.

    Got Milk?

  150. 453
    • 455
      freddie flintoff says:

      fuckin great send em to the tower

    • 475
      nell says:

      What did Lord Clarke do??

      • 489
        • 501
          Give urself a pay rise u fuckers says:

          Its the fuckin arrogant sense of entitlement wot gets me !

      • 495
        It's the Tyburn Jig for you laddy says:

        Clarke refused to say whether other peers had engaged in the same deception, but added: “I was told you claim the full amount. I’m not saying about anybody else, but the impression I got was that if I didn’t do what people did, it could bring a bad light on somebody else.”

        Time to name names Clarkey boy or you are going down.

      • 541
        Sir Mufbourne-Harbor says:

        Lord Clark of St Albans apparently claimed hotel expenses but returned to his home in St Albans which is on the new Monopoly board. Don’t worry we have st albans covered just waiting for the DT tomorrow although the DT has the pdf’s on their website. How about we get together and do the whole monopoly board areas and produce a montage?

    • 657
      Uddin's Marble Palace says:

      A LABOUR baroness who lives in low-cost social housing has a palatial family holiday mansion overseas.

      Baroness Uddin lives in a three-bedroom house in Wapping, east London, which is heavily subsidised because it is intended for people who cannot afford to buy property in the area.

      However, for almost a decade her husband Komar has also owned the mansion in Bangladesh, which is decorated with Italian marble and bears a crest similar to that of the House of Lords on its gates.


      There’s a nice photo of the marble mansion in the article. It makes Anthony Steen’s place look quite small and dingy. A house fit a for Romanian dictator in fact.

      Her second home perhaps?

  151. 454
    Anonymous says:

    Fuck Sabra et al. Payback time . Half of the camps were full of muslim gunmen!
    Thank G-D for mossad who often tipped off MI5/6 about gun running from Libya.
    ..Guns and explosives which sometimes ended up on the streets of Ulster.

  152. 457
    Anonymous says:


  153. 461
    Anonymous says:

    What a shame that the Fenian response to the racism they experience so often involves deep seated Jew hatred. Irish Catholics are all to often, and have been for a very very long time, some of the worst anti semites outside of the Arab world.

    • 466
      Ratzinger-SS says:

      They still are. Fuckin’ tossers. And their pope-on-a-rope.

      • 554
        Dr David's sparky says:

        Palestinians are Semites you cretin. Askhenazis are Khazars, cock worshippers, descended from barbarous Mongols, fuck all to do with the Holy Land.

    • 542
      Alan Mullet says:

      Iorish Catholics have never been given the room to breath and experience what is is to be human.
      Why do think America has been the most destructive force that the planet has ever known?
      I would suggest that it because it has always been dominated by Catholics that are, by any stretch of the imagination, far from from being well-rounded human beings.

      • 543
        Alan Mullet says:

        I’ll type certain words twice and miss others out altogether, for effect.

  154. 462
    Donald Findley the orange says:

    I don’t know what all the fuss is about.

  155. 463
    Same crowd says:

    Fenians = Gypsy’s

  156. 471
    Methodist Preacher man says:

    John Wesley said the irish were fuckin lazy, and pissed on spuds!
    (or words to that effect)..

    • 738
      Winston Churchill once said says:

      “We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English”.

  157. 474
    Charles "Two Pizza's" Clarke and the the £1.2M FOOD BILL says:

    More than 30 MPs pocketed the maximum £400 allowance for food every month last year – in many cases without justifying their claims.

    Among the receipts submitted were ones for jellied eels, Pot Noodles, pork pies, Scotch eggs and even Farley’s rusks.

    In total, MPs spent £1.197 million on food in 2007-08 – an average of £154 a month for every MP.

    The big claimers included Charles Clarke, the former Home Secretary.

    He has long been known as one of the most enthusiastic gourmands in Westminster, having once famously eaten two pizzas in a single evening.


    • 476
      Culprits found says:

      Farley’s Rusks – Brown
      Jellied Eels – Prescott
      Pot Noodles – Prescott
      Pork Pies – Prescott
      Scotch Eggs – Prescott

  158. 477

    “I’m not asking for ten, I’m not asking for eight!

    My other granny for just FIVE POUNDS!

    And I’ll even chuck in a few blank taxi receipts and my next-born child’s soul.”

  159. 478
    Anonymous says:

    so who knows when the law was changed in Parliament to allow these expenses to be paid. I think it ma have been 2004. So who introduced the bill?
    Who voted for and against it? Any other info any one can offer?


    • 486
      Trough Smeller Pursuivant says:

      If you run a check for MP’s expenses claims on newspaper archives it looks like the serious trough scoffing started around 2002.

      That is when you start to see MP’s coming out with statements like “clerical error” “misunderstanding” and “I will repay” when they got found out. Hoon was an early offender.

      It’s quite clear that MP’s have been coordinating both the thefts AND their excuses for a very long time.

      I guarantee that they have also been laughing at us for being such ignorant pricks while they did it.

    • 491
      Anonymous says:

      If you run a check for MP’s expenses claims on newspaper archives it looks like the serious trough scoffing started around 2002.

      That is when you start to see MP’s coming out with statements like “clerical error” “misunderstanding” and “I will repay” when they got found out. Hoon was an early offender.

      It’s quite clear that MP’s have been coordinating both the thefts AND their excuses for a very long time.

      I guarantee that they have also been laughing at us for being such ignorant pricks while they did it.

      • 547
        Sir Mufbourne-Harbor says:

        But it says clearly that the expenses have to be in line with performance as an MP or words to that effect, so I can’t see why the police are only interested in a few? Please, someone explain ‘cos I’m well confused.

  160. 480
    Vote vote vote for Jacqui says:

    Guido,I’m back now you have got rid of that fat ponce Piers Moron.

    My wish list for troughing prosecutions is as follows.

    1.Jacqboot Jacqui.

    2.Ginger Minger.

    3.Eleanor Laing,my own Scots M.P.

    You will notice that they all are seemingly female but Politically they are not
    Birds of a Feather. More Pigs of a Trough.

    • 671
      Anonymous says:

      Jacqui must be the easiest target for Plod – they shadowed her 24/7 and have the overtime records for nights parked outside her sister’s house.

  161. 481
    resurgemus says:

    Dr Samuel Johnson said , ” the Irish are a fair-minded people, they rarely speak well of one another “

  162. 482

    I jis need a wee bi’ mer time tae seht oot mah vision!

  163. 484
    r supward says:

    looks like the police are finally going to investigate some of these thieves. im not holding my breath on any prosecutions though. i wonder if they will take DNA samples like they would with anyone else?

  164. 485
    Anonymous says:

    I dont know why you are getting so excited. The police are only investigating. So no arrest, no prosecution and no conviction, yet. And dont hold your breath any way. We will have had the general election well before anything happens on the charging front!

    • 494
      r supward says:

      General Election?. the scottish mafia will have banned them by next year. we cant be trusted to vote for whats best for us

  165. 487
    Anonymous says:

    Is it possible to post a wee clean joke on here to break up the seriousness?

    • 490
      chronic says:

      The government are the standing joke on here.

    • 492
      Anonymous says:

      Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean , two prawns were swimming around in the sea

      One called Justin and the other called Christian.

      The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area.

      Finally one day Justin said to Christian, “I’m fed up with being a prawn;
      I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn’t have any worries about being eaten.”

      A large mysterious cod appeared and said, “Your wish is granted”

      Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.

      Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

      Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely.

      All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them.

      Justin didn’t realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

      While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn.

      He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold,
      he found himself turned back into a prawn.

      With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.

      Looking around the gathering at the reef he realized he couldn’t see his old pal.

      “Where’s Christian?” he asked.

      “He’s at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy & became a shark”,
      came the reply.

      Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian’s abode.

      As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back.

      He banged on the door and shouted, “It’s me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again.”

      Christian replied, “No way man, you’ll eat me. You’re now a shark, the enemy,
      and I’ll not be tricked into being your dinner.”

      Justin cried back “No, I’m not. That was the old me. I’ve changed.”………

    • 559
      Anonymous says:

      The kindness and empathy of a typical Scot:

      A Priest, a Doctor, a rich Businessman and a Scotsman were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them.

      The Doctor shouted to them, “I’ve never seen such poor golf!”

      The Scotsman chimed in, “Och aye! We ha’ been waitin’ for nigh on fifteen minutes!”

      The Businessman called out, “Move it on you guys, time is money.”

      The Priest said, “Here comes George the greenkeeper. Let’s have a word with him.”

      “Hello, George!” said the Priest,
      “What’s wrong with that annoying
      group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?”

      George the greenkeeper replied, “Oh, yes.. That’s a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year,
      so we always let them play for free, anytime they want to.”

      The group fell into an embarrassed silence for a moment.

      Then the Priest said, “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.”

      The Doctor said, “Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleagues and see if there’s anything they can do for them.”

      The Businessman replied, “I think I’ll donate $350,000 to the Fire Brigade Benevolent Fund in honour of these brave souls..”

      And the Scotsman said, “Why kin they no play at night?”

  166. 493
    Mr █████ (VAT: ████████) says:

    This thread is totally ████. There are too many ███████ ██ █████. It is not suffice to ███ or even ███████, but this is ████████ ████████ ██

    • 500
      No 10 Scribe says:

      It’s another letter of apology to Nadine Dorries.

      • 502
        Mr Humphries says:

        So that’s where all the black ink came from.

        • 514
          Pissed to the point of exhaustion says:

          Let me get this right.

          MP’s have claimed for non existent mortgages. They have said as much, but claim it was an “error”. The evidence for these crimes is in the public domain.

          So what is there to investigate?

          Haul the fuckers in and give them a shakedown. THAT IS WHAT WOULD HAVE ALREADY HAPPENED FOR ANYONE ELSE.

          Put them in a court of law and see if a jury believes that the claims were an error.

          End of story.

        • 533
          Tesa Jowell says:

          Who is Tessa Mills?

  167. 497
    Canary Wharf Rat says:

    Bercow to Celtic Supporter who walked in by mistake: “take the two dice if you roll a one to eleven we are gonna kick your fucking head in”

    Celtic supporter: “What if I roll a double six?”

    Bercow “you get another go”

  168. 499
    Anonymous says:

    My Grandma loves the Irish. They were ever so nice, what with fixing her gutter and “pointing her roof” for 27 grand.

    • 555
      Anonymous says:

      Wot about the squirrels ? Only an additional £20,000

    • 561
      Nigel Singh says:

      My Granny loves them, too.
      They parked their Transits on her back garden, tarmaced the whole area and invited thirty of their friends to come and stay.
      ‘I’m 93′, she said, ‘and I don’t want you on my land’.
      Fuck off old lady, we’re pikeys and we do whatever the fuck we want. You’ll be dead soon anyways.

      Any pikey/gyppo/traveller/Irish scum reading this: you are in extreme danger. Not from the law of our land but from the decent, upstandstanding, wash-every-day, tax-paying, middle-classes of this country.

      You are fucking dead meat. I will make it my goal in life to maim as many of your half-breed children as I can in the long time I have available.

      Be fucking afraid you ponces.

      • 570
        Sir Mufbourne-Harbor says:

        They couldn’t do this in Ireland. They have laws which don’t need to answer to racism accusations. Funny old world innit?

        • 576
          Nigel Singh says:

          Funny, but I’m not laughing.

        • 591
          Sir Mufbourne-Harbor says:

          What I meant was ‘ironic’ not funny, sorry. Over here the police won’t touch them for fear of accusations of racism or because they are tied by perception of this. The travelling laws are very strict in Ireland and they don’t suffer this defecation of their own lands. Believe me I know where you are coming from and I’m appalled by the treatment of your Granny.

      • 581
        Ewanme says:

        Hey guys !!!

        Chill out x .

        Wombledon on Monday . Weather set fair accordin to the BBC .

        Expect torrential downpours an a fuckin icy norferly wind then .

        Lies run soooo deep x .

        E x .

    • 595
      tony blair says says:

      Hi Guys – can I just say thanks for paying to have my roof re-done just before I quit as an MP.

      • 626
        Ewanme says:

        You are welcome , Bambi x .

        Does it make you feel big an ‘clever’ ????

        Do you realise that you will be a marked doe-eyed tosser for the rest of ur natural costin us morons millions more of our hard earned ???

        That ain’t clever , you c█nt . That is cynical . I dare you to come an see Ewanme , face to face , an get wot is comin to ya , Bambi .

        I won’t hold my breath . Fancy becomin a Catholic !! Wot a fuckin pea-brain x .

        Good riddance . Wotch yer back , sunshine .

        E x .

      • 713
        Dick Scratcher says:

        …that’s ten minutes worth of one of your shit lectures. Demon eyed Hunt.

  169. 503
    Jonty Poncy Pudding and Pie says:

    This Irish stuff is boring. I’m off to Labourslost for some hot redaction

  170. 504
    Anonymous says:


  171. 505
    filipinomonkey says:

    Right thats 15 votes for Jackanory and only 12 for Magpie so I’m changing channels…

  172. 508
    Anonymous says:

    +++++ Breaking News +++++

    MPs Face Full Police Probe Over Expenses

    Although Sky News website says that names of those to be investigated ( Believed at the mo to be 4 M.P.’s and one peer ) have yet to be released, the names Morley, Chaytor, Chapman, Wiggin and one baroness by the name of Uddin are mentioned in relation to the story. :-)

  173. 509
    giantgonad says:

    Bercow is well dodgy.

  174. 510
    Anonymous says:

    ConHome are seeking a copy of the Middleton deselection letter.Are we all sure they don’t already have a copy? Why the theatricals?

  175. 513
    nell says:

    Baroness U has just told Sky that she is the subject of a full criminal investigation. Hope they also look at what happened to her Uddin Trust and also how her Bangladeshi Palace was funded.

    In defence of her position she told Today “I think we just simply bring the rules up to date so that Peers integrity and intentions are not questioned.”

    Dream on baroness!!!! – The clinking of cell doors may well come before a rule change at least for you. At least , if there’s a God, it will.

    Time for a celebratory glass of wine – yes I know it’s a bit premature but you have to admit things are developing quite nicely. It would be good to find out that Margaret Moran is one of this exclusive little group.

    • 521
      michel de montaigne says:

      who’s god, hers or yours?

      • 531
        nell says:

        Either will do – though in this case I’d prefer an avenging God rather than a forgiving one.

        Christianity and Islam have the same roots – so by definitiion Allah and God are probably the same One – its only humans down the ages who have worked up separate identities largely for political purposes – enslaving the masses – that sort of thing.

        You can see why Tony and Gordon are so attracted to religion can’t you?

        • 730
          Anonymous says:

          Allah is a pagan moon god. Mohammed nicked him and co-opted any useful Abrahamic stuff.

    • 551
      Anonymous says:

      Oh Right so the Rules say you can Claim for non existant mortgages or for a home you dont actually live in?? Well you should have said. Cant see what all the fuss is about now you explain things.

    • 575
      Canary Wharf Rat says:

      Lonely Planet – MP’s Special edition
      Complimentary edition (cannot be claimed on expenses)

      Dear B.Uddin

      Please find enclosed details of your nearest future abode.

      Sue Saunders – Governor looks forward to welcoming you soon.

      For reference. Should any of your family (Male members) be implicated then I would recommend Pentonville as it is a stone’s throw away from Holloway.

      Should Sharia Law be adopted whilst you during your stay, this may have some relevance.

      Yours Sincerely
      Lonely Planet

      Originally constructed by the City of London and opened in 1852 as a mixed prison, became all female circa 1902. Completely rebuilt between 1971-1985 on the same site.

      HMP and YOI Holloway
      Parkhurst Road
      N7 0NU

      Tel: 020 7979 4400

      Fax: 020 7979 4401

      Governor: Sue Saunders

      Operational capacity: 501 as of 23rd January 2008

      Accommodation: Single rooms with some dormitory accommodation.

      Reception criteria: All adult and young offenders remanded or sentenced by the courts.

      Regime: Regime includes both full-time and part-time education, Skills training workshops, British Industrial Cleaning Science BICS, gardens and painting. There is a fully integrated resettlement / induction strategy, which identifies individual needs and provides a structured approach for advice and guidance on such issues as housing, benefits, training and community volunteering programmes.

      There are also offending behaviour programmes: FOR a change, SDP Short duration Programme, anger management, assertion training, and domestic violence. Other programmes include desk top publishing and individual needs based work with a variety of partnership agencies. Other special features are welfare to work, Holloway befrienders scheme, listeners’ schemes, programme development and community projects.

  176. 515
    Pissed to the point of exhaustion says:

    Let me get this right.

    MP’s have claimed for non existent mortgages. They have said as much, but claim it was an “error”. The evidence for these crimes is in the public domain.

    So what is there to investigate?

    Haul the fuckers in and give them a shakedown. THAT IS WHAT WOULD HAVE ALREADY HAPPENED FOR ANYONE ELSE.

    Put them in a court of law and see if a jury believes that the claims were an error.

    End of story.

  177. 529
    mister smeeth says:

    Guyido like to talk abouty fenian

    I served as a cathoclic in the Rangers
    I Servered in the first gulf war
    I did my my time
    I had a dream
    A dream of non violent revolt
    Because when you have had to sleep with the stink

    Yourr choice

    I have bee here

  178. 530
    Anonymous says:

    Check out the latest on Shady Malik:


    • 556
      nell says:

      That’s a good petition !!!!

      Shahid could be looking for a new career , along with loads of others, come the next GE. At least I hope.

  179. 539
    mitch says:

    Right ladies,gentlemen and fellow fuckwits….if the law turn up you aint seen me ok?

  180. 544
    Jon1 says:

    ███ ██ █████ ███ ██ █████
    ██████ ████████
    ████ ████ ███████
    ████ ████ ██ ████████

    An old but good redacted joke.

  181. 545
    JOHN T PRIOR says:


  182. 549
    dirtyden says:

    The Rozzers go in.

    But why the hell haven’t they gone after Moran and Hope, too?

    Answers on a postcard please.

  183. 557
    Opportunist Burgler says:

    Where can i find my MP’s home address? Now i know what he’s got,i can pop round to visit him. Noon on most wednesdays seems a good time.

  184. 563
    grobdj says:

    Once got into a discussion with plumber in Galway about Fenians and all that, he became enraged and told me the Black and Tans raped his granny

    I was thinking of saying that this may mean he was 25% British, but he was much, much bigger than me

  185. 566
    An original English citizen says:

    Wot you lot fail to get hold of is that the early invasions of ‘England’ by European master races, at the dawn of time etc, pushed the indigenous population further West until they became the Welsh and the Irish…oops!

    • 577
      Sir Mufbourne-Harbor says:

      They say the real english are welsh and natives had red hair, scando’s blonde, romans/med types dark hair but we all got by as britons with our proud individual customs and observed the 2 minute silence and stood for the national anthem until zanulabour lefties destroyed our culture in recent history to prepare for euro integration an solelessness

  186. 568
    Anonymous says:

    According to the headlines “Damain McBride Quits Over Brown Smears”

    I’d probably quit too, skidmarks are embarrassing…

  187. 572
    nell says:

    Why are MP’s being given a HelpLine to deal with their Expenses Scandal??? The Govt. last night set up a special HelpLine, according to the Express.

    An email to MP’s told them they could phone Downing St and would be connected to solicitors or other experts – whatever they needed.

    At whose expense??!!. Ours of course!!!!

    • 583
      Sir Mufbourne-Harbor says:

      Freephone ’1800-accidentalfrauduk’ and one of our claim advisors will put you in touch with legal aid which is not available to ordinary plebs who need to find the money themselves when challenging their local or national government through the courts.

    • 735
      Anonymous says:

      I thought it was Labour MPs only with the help line.

  188. 574
    Anonymous says:

    “The Labour party have decided to change their party logo from a rose, to a condom because they feel it more accurately reflects their policies. This is because a condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks and gives you a good sense of security whilst you’re being fucked.”

    • 587
      Engineer says:

      Sounds rather like some less reputable engineering establishments of my aquaintance. They empyoyed what were known as “hammer and nodder fitters”. If they couldn’t fit it with a seven-pound sledgehammer, then they f***ed it.

  189. 578
    Anonymous says:

    A well known newspaper are giving away a prize in which the winner can live their life for free for a year. They even have a radio advertisement with a man describing how he was getting everything for free: “Mortgage – free; car bills – free; holidays – free; shopping – free” etc.

    To be honest, I’d just cut the crap and become an MP.

    • 584
      chronic says:

      and be hated by the whole population, I will pay my and keep some street cred.

  190. 582
    chronic says:

    I hope crime watch do a MP special.

  191. 585
    Canary Wharf Rat says:

    Iran’s Supreme Leader has announced that The British Government is his most evil enemy. And he doesn’t even live here!!!!

    • 590
      Engineer says:

      They refused his expenses claim.

    • 592
      grobdj says:

      I was wondering whilst Khameni was speaking what would happen in this country if 100,000 people took to the streets (after Brown had been re-elected) to complain that the General Election had been rigged.

      Are we any different to Iran?

      • 596
        chronic says:

        The police would put the kettle on.

      • 611
        nell says:

        How many took to the streets against the Iraq War?? I believe it was more than that.

        Did Blair/Brown take any notice??

        Frankly you could put 100,000 or more on the streets of London against Brown. He will ignore it because he has a monstrous ego, a tin ear and a brass neck

        • 619
          Engineer says:

          Same with the Countryside Alliance Liberty and Livelihood march: about 407,000 marched if I remember right – and Alun Michael issued a statement saying “I don’t know what they’re marching for”. Given that he was Rural Affairs minister at the time, that was either incredible ignorance or breathtaking arrogance – or both.

          That’s the point at which I stopped disliking this government and started loathing it. I’ve had nothing but contempt since.

    • 600
      Anonymous says:

      And so say all of us.

      • 701
        Anonymous says:

        This government rams home just how short ones life is. If you’re 35 that’s a third of it under facist socialism

  192. 586
    The PM shouldn't be disturbed but our cunt is says:

    So Bercow’s not a total hoon then

  193. 588
    Ayatollah Khamenei says:

    “Observe the hands of your enemies. There are hungry wolves ambushing us and removing the diplomatic cover from their faces. They are showing their real faces. And the most evil of them all is the British Government.”

    ‘Er …………………..THIS IS NOT NEWS TO US OLD BOY!

  194. 597
    Engineer says:

    I’ll say this much for your blog Guido – it’s even-handed. A read down this thread shows posts that even-handedly offend pretty much everyone!

    That said, my brethren in the Engineering profession seem to have got off quite lightly – this time, anyway. Anybody else feel left out?

    • 604
      chronic says:

      Fred Dibnah fucked his engines.

    • 605
      Anonymous says:

      Fuck you, you … you….. you fucking ENGINEER !

      • 610
        Engineer says:

        Thanks. I feel like part of the team now.

        • 805
          thick as thieves says:

          not so fast engineer.
          you are getting rather ahead of yourself you cheeky c’unt.
          first of all you will have to fill out and submit a thick as thieves fan club application form.
          when I have received and scrutinised it I will contact you with my decision.
          could you tell me the name of the ward I should send my decision to?

    • 628
      Canary Wharf Rat says:

      Thought you lot had been made extinct over the past 11 years?

      • 642
        Engineer says:

        Don’t you believe it – there’s lots going on. There’s the infastructure of the country to maintain and run (and update). There’s all that electricity and gas you lot all consume to be generated, transmitted and delivered, and there is still quite a lot of manufacturing about – a lot of it high-tech, high quality stuff, where we can compete on the world market. Think Rolls-Royce aero engines, JCB construction equipment, for starters.

        Yes, it’s been tough for quite a few years, but the firms that have survived are lean, highly productive and often commercially savvy on the global stage. We need to build on that foundation, which will take time because you can’t build a decent company quickly, and finding good staff at all levels is a problem. There is no room in modern industry for half-educated numpties, so you can see a skills shortage hampering the recovery when it finally happens (thanks Nulab for an incredibly short-sighted education policy).

        Another bit of good news – we’re starting to win work back from China, in the foundry sector at least. Reasons? Better technical quality and consistency, faster turn-rounds, much lower transport costs. Too early to call it a green shoot, but it’s a start!

        • 655
          Canary Wharf Rat says:

          Glad to see that you lot are alive and kicking. Good news and an upbeat post. You are to be soundly congratulated.

        • 676
          Engineer says:

          Thanks – we aim to please. And yes – rest assured, my brethren will do all in their power to get Britain going again. We like a challenge, just wish the government would help a bit…

        • 745
          Curious Cat says:

          Fully support British industry, always have but sadly Engineer, we have a long way to go in financing our recovery. Our industry needs all the help it can get but government appears only interested in bailing out Banks.

          Bank of England is warning Banks will need more capital to kick start the economy.

          It seems that Bank of China is one of a very few moving to finance the aero industry at present.



    • 647
      NewGirl says:

      No I’ve been castigated fairly throughout – can’t complain …

      • 656
        Engineer says:

        Be fair – most of the stick you get is from the trolls – which doesn’t really count! By the way, where are they tonight? Drowning their sorrows, perhaps?

        • 658
          NewGirl says:

          Hi Engineer! Yes I was wondering that too. TwAT normally can’t resist me – hope he’s not taken ill with something trivial.

        • 672
          Engineer says:

          Hi, NewGirl, hope life is treating you well.

          As for TaT and his needling, you love it – bet you spend all week dreaming up ripostes for him (or possibly it).

          Anyway, your duels do the rest of us good – lightens the mood wonderfully!

        • 675
          NewGirl says:

          Ha ha ha I aim to please! the admiration is mutual Engineer, you and Chronic have me laughing every day!

        • 686
          Engineer says:

          With the political situation the way it is, what else can you do but laugh? You’d go daft, otherwise.

          I’m off for a bit of shut-eye. Stay safe!

  195. 607
    Ever Vigilant says:

    I have never previously given much thought to the fact that Alex Salmond has the dual role of MSP and MP . I donot seem to be able to drum up much interest in Scottish or Welsh or Irish politics.

    Is it the case that Salmond draws a salary from Holyrood and Westminster as well as payment for being Scottish First Minister and expenses from both venues as well ?

    If so,how the hell was it allowed to happen ?

    Is there any wonder that the UK has run out of cash .

    • 613
      Engineer says:

      That’s a point – no wonder Salmond always looks so smug.

    • 613
      chronic says:

      We are printing Billions every day, we wont run out, it just wont be worth fuck all.

    • 615
      nell says:

      Does Brown and all his scottish pals(including Martin) do the same????

      If they do the expenses published so far don’t show it!!!!

    • 784
      Seth the pig farmer says:

      Actually he is entitled to 3 salaries, 1 each for being an MP, and MSP and First Minister. He only gets 2 – the MP and the FM. I believe that the FM salary is around £40K, so his take home pay before expenses, allowances and other random troughing is >£100K.

      Nice work if you can get it.

  196. 608
    Uddin do nuffink wrong says:

    I vos only obeying Udders

    • 612
      chronic says:

      I hope your cell does not point towards Mecca.

      • 670
        nell says:

        I hope it does – because Allah is a vengeful God who wreaks havoc upon those who bring dishonour upon his name!!!!

        She has surely done that.

        As indeed as Sh*ahid M*alik.!!!!

    • 693
      michel de montaigne says:

      you milked the system

  197. 616
    Anonymous says:

    Mandelson ‘reassured’ by US on GM
    Lord Mandelson
    Lord Mandelson urged the US to keep GM production in the UK

    Business Secretary Lord Mandelson says the US government has given a “positive response” to his case for continued General Motors production in the UK.

    Lord Mandelson was in Washington for talks with US President Barack Obama’s car industry bail-out team.

    Speaking to the BBC, Lord Mandelson said he was “reassured… that there is no deal that has yet been cut” on the future of GM’s European operations.

    Vauxhall, whose parent company is GM, employs 5,500 people in the UK.

    What a man he is. He goes all that way and comes back with such a concrete statement to save our car industry.

    • 623
      chronic says:

      On news at Ten and used the term “over milking the system” which implies just milking the system is ok, slimy twat.

      • 633
        Dogger says:

        Yeah, I heard this on Radio 4. He used the term ‘overmilking the system’, which I thought was a gaffe which he covered up without a flinch.

        According to Mandelschwein of Foy there is a very thin line between “overmilking” and fraud. Well, he should know.

        • 634
          Udders says:

          If there is to be any ‘over-milking’ then please don’t overlook my enormous jugs.

    • 630
      nell says:

      Where was he staying???? – how much did it cost ???? – what did he eat???? Did he travel economy???? what was his carbon footprint????

      Couldn’t he have arrived at this agreement by video????

      Does this agreeement really mean anything????

      What did it cost us?? and was it worth anything to the commoners, ie us??

      • 635
        chronic says:

        Best hotel,Lots,Dick,No,Huge,Yes,No,Lots,No.

        • 684
          nell says:


          Don’t know about you but I am finally, absolutely, completely, fed up to the back teeth with these troughers!!!!!

    • 716
      going down the pan says:

      THAT ! IS NOT A MAN !

    • 792
      Winston Churchill says:

      Shades of Chamberlain returning from Munich with Herr Hitler’s guarantee of peace in our time ;-)

  198. 617
    Baroness Scotland of Yard says:

    Should I investigate myself? I have considered this question very carefully and examined all the facts, and after considerable reflection have decided ….. maybe NOT.

    • 639
      nell says:

      No!! We,the taxpayers, need an independent examination of your wages, travel costs, entertainment expenses, travel expenses, 2nd homes, makeup, leisure clubs, holidays abroad, self publicity publications and we also need to know about which companies you are selling your favors to.

      The House of Lords is such an upstanding, trustworthy, trusted, honest, beyond the pale, government body. NOT!!!1

      It’s rather like gordon??? Flawed .

      Isn’t it????!!!!!

    • 743
      Baroness Auchtermuchty of Tillfingers says:

      I am a whore, you know.

  199. 621
    Wayne Trombone says:

    I went on a luxury weekend break to Ireland

    The food was dire.

    If I were Irish (I AM NOT) I would start a blog and live in London, whilst pretending that I was Mr Shamrock.

    • 624
      Baroness Scotland of Yard says:

      The food is never dire if you’re rich, nasty and black.

      • 631
        chronic says:

        Didia Drogba

      • 661
        nell says:

        Sorry don’t give a toss about your colour.

        What I do give a toss about is that you are a government member and you are costing me, the taxpayer, money.

        Are you doing it honestly and is it value for money??

        Ufortunately the answer is NO!!! Frankly we would be better without most of you

  200. 625
    ndcd says:

    He’s not old and he’s not beautiful
    and his colours are not fine
    etc etc

  201. 629
    Chicken Supper says:


    Are you trying to get me to like the little git, or remind me of all the causes he’s abandoned and betrayed?

  202. 636
    Ayatollah Khamenei says:

    Islam hates Polly Toynbee too

    • 638
      A Guy from Gordon Broon's Alma Mater says:

      Shows that part of it is in touch with normal society

    • 679
      nell says:

      Of course it does – she’s a woman. But you have to admit also that we all hate Polly Twaddle so can we blame them for doing the same??!

    • 794
      Gurkhas Not Burkas says:

      Well she is a walking, talking advert of compulsory Burkas for ugly, lefty crones

  203. 640
    More Out and Out Fraud says:

    Dozens of MPs have made “phantom” claims for council tax on their parliamentary expenses – receiving thousands of pounds more than they actually paid their local authorities.

    Senior MPs and ministers, including Beverley Hughes, David Blunkett and Mark Tami, are accused of over-claiming for council tax on their designated second home over the past four years.


    • 646
      Alastair Darling: Cheating Lying Hoon says:

      Alistair Darling asked his accountants to change the wording of an invoice for tax advice before he submitted it to the Fees Office and claimed it back on expenses.

      The “revised narrative” requested by Mr Darling’s office from his accountants Chiene Tait says that the £693.25 bill covered tax advice only “in connection with your duties as a Member of Parliament”.


      More out and out fraud. He’s only the fucking Chancellor though. No harm done.

      • 710
        going down the pan says:

        he can’t do any harm as chancellor ! theres no fucking money left to waste !

    • 712
      going down the pan says:

      BLUNKETT :said he did nothing wrong ! his guid dog filled the form in !

  204. 641
  205. 643
    Anonymous says:

    £500k returned by MPs who made mistakes. Chicken shit compared to the £94 million we doled out in total in expenses.

    • 663
      Al Payed says:

      And we haven’t even started on the brown envelopes yet.

    • 709
      going down the pan says:

      £94,000,000 per year !

      • 731
        Troughtastic says:

        I make it £93 million by adding up the BBC figures here, but remember that figure is for ONE YEAR: 2007 – 2008.

        If you add the total for expenses and allowances since 2004 you would get a figure of around £300 million – £320 million in claims.

        Not all of that £300 million would have been illegal claims of course, but you don’t have to be a maths genius to see that even a small percentage of £300 million is an awful lot of stolen money, and would almost certainly be bigger than the biggest ever robbery in the UK of just £24 million.

        • 795
          Axe The Telly Tax says:

          Small beer compared to the 3.5 billion that the BBC steals from the taxpayer each year

  206. 644
    Anonymous says:

    This is all part of the the new spin promised at the plp meeting, dont believe a fuckin word of it. Trying to spin it as this is brown the man with feelings, YOU MUST BE FUCKIN JOKING, HIM FEELINGS, ONLY FOR HIMSELF. THIS IS ALL ABOUT FUCKIN SELF PRESERVATION AND OF COURSE IT IS IN THE FUCKIN GUARDIAN OF ALL PAPERS.


  207. 648
    Auchterturra Dominie says:

    For those of yous wha cannae read the wurds are:
    “The culors they are boootiful……….

  208. 650
    Anonymous says:

    Brown is days away from resigning.

    Remember, you heard it here first.

  209. 653
    nell says:

    Alastair Campbell said tonight that “gordon’s decison to hold a secret inquiry into the Iraq war was the right one”

    Well he would- wouldn’t he?? given that he was implicated in the “WMD in 45 mins allegation and then the death of Dr David Kelly who said that WMD at 45 mins didn’t exist and that the govt had sexed up the claim to make a case for war AS WE NOW KNOW THAT THEY DID.

    Was he also implicated in the cover up of the circumstances of Dr David Kelly’s death??

    If so his support of gordons choice of a secret inquiry makes sense- doesn’t it?? !!!!

    • 659
      CampBellend says:

      Does anybody listen to Alastair Campbell apart from Gordon Brown and Alastair Campbell?

      The guy is a fuckwit brainless brownturd of the highest order. He should be near the top of the pyre.

    • 665
      Engineer says:

      I am really looking forward to Campbell giving evidence in public……

      • 667
        Tomato Grower says:

        Newgate Stocks would be good.

        • 674
          nell says:

          For Alastair???? – Nope – nothing sort of piano wire and a lamp post!!!! Dr David Kelly deserves at least that!!!!

        • 719
          Summer_Breeze says:

          With regard to actress Nicola Pagett of Upstairs, Downstairs fame…

          ” she began behaving erratically and was ultimately diagnosed as having acute manic depression. During this time she developed an obsession with Alastair Campbell.[1] According to Adam Boulton Alastair Campbell used this obsession to distract attention from negative headlines about the New Labour Party Conference.[2] She was later escorted from her home by four men to be confined in a closed psychiatric unit, ”

          Strange but true!

          ( ref Wikipedia )

    • 827
      Crooked Mouth says:

      Alaisdair Ó Cam Beal

  210. 660
    Next Speaker a Billy Boy says:

    Hullo, Hullo
    We are the Billy Boys
    Hullo, Hullo
    You’ll know us by our noise
    We’re up to our knees in fenian blood
    Surrender or you’ll die
    For we are
    The Buckingham Derry Boys

  211. 677
    nell says:

    My goodness that’s nearly a book – could you not get a publishing deal somewhere??!

  212. 681
    dirtyden says:

    They’ve stolen from us. Caught red-handed. Call the police! Call the police!

    I tried but I got a recording (“If your call concerns MPs expenses, please hold until the next general election” or something).

    They’re a bunch of stinking crooks and they ought to be shot. One by one in Parliament Square. A thirty-eight and 645 rounds of ammo is all you need. Would take me about three hours, five because I’d be enjoying meself.

    I’d even be willing to hose down the blood after. We should burn the pile of stinking corpses. Don’t want to catch anything else off them.

    Who should get the first bullet?

  213. 681
    ♫ Things can only get better ♫ says:

    Brown’s Titanic voyage hit an iceberg about a month ago. He immediately jumped into a lifeboat dressed as a woman and was picked up by the Carpathia.

    When the Carpathia was hit by a German torpedo he found an empty liferaft and was last seen heading towards Hurricane Katrina being dragged by a big white whale.

  214. 685
    Gordon Brown says:

    ████████████ I ████████████████████████ could ████████████████████████████████████████████████ walk ████████ █████████ away ██████████████████ tomorrow █████████████████████████

  215. 689
    nell says:

    OK! Time for bed.

    Good Night. God Bless

    ( and that is whatever your God is, as long as he’s a peaceful God)

  216. 690
    Alan Philip Bonggg says:

    The Hula Hoop ad has reminded me of an incident about 20 years ago. I was at a reception in the House of Commons with my sister and a friend of hers. My sister and her friend were competing to see how many Hula Hoops they could get on their fingers when in walks Geoffery Howe (who was in Maggie’s cabinet at the time) and introduced himself. My sister could not turn down the proffered hand and, as there was a quizzical look on Howe’s face and broken Hula Hoops fell to the floor, I thought he must have a fairly firm haandshake.

  217. 692
    Spontaneous Human Combustion says:

    Is it me, or do most of the completed expenses sheets display the handwriting skills of a four year old?

    Is being semiliterate a requirement for running the country?

    • 703
      michel de montaigne says:

      I’ve been going on about this all day. There are only one or two hands filling in the forms??

      • 705
        nell says:

        Yeah I noticed that. What does it mean ????-

        I think it is rather important!!!!

        We need to look at it more closely tomorrow!!!!

    • 714
      Dick Scratcher says:

      Yeah fucking morons – get the graphologists working on it

  218. 695
    Thora says:

    Lib Dems in donation investigation


  219. 696
    I like Jensons new hat says:

    The sooooooooooooner the jocks are out of England the better

  220. 700
    Boris Carloffe says:

    Just watching tommorrows headlies and The Guardian says that Brown was disapointed by what MP’s said about him and could walk away. A new career teaching. I wonder what he could teach? Perhaps criminals the art of Lying?

    More seriously is it not possible that a deal was done behind closed doors not to ditch him but let him resign in his own time with dignity.

    Then a new leader could call an election in the spring which would be held in his or her honeymoon period and maximise the labour vote?

    • 706
      Millstone says:

      If he thinks resigning is going to save him further grief he can forget it.

      He should look at the grief Blears is still getting, then multiply that by ten.


    • 707
      going down the pan says:

      BROWN : all the time i was chancellor i had no idea what the banks were up to ! he was the dickhead who deregulated the bank’s . is there no depths this LIAR will stoop to ?

  221. 715
    The twice disgraced, unelected, Queen Peter MindYourSon says:

    So.. playing the sectarian card are you, Guido, you fenian b*stard ??
    You called the Scottish Roman Catholic Labour thin correctly.
    Good on ya.

  222. 718
    Anonymous says:

    Caption: Could you “go” a chicken supper ?

  223. 723
    Gary Glitter says:

    “Give me a child until they are seven”.
    Sorry, was that the Catholic Church who said that ?
    Oh, whatever, same thing.

  224. 724
    Zed says:

    But not until you get that last drop of oil that’s been financing the social benefit system for 30 years though, right ?

  225. 729
    • 733
      Ewanme says:

      Hiya Anonymous , honey xx .

      I know wot I wrote , petal , but I ain’t seein it yet ???

      E x .

    • 740
      Jonathan Cross says:

      Ha, I see it. Nice one Ewanme. I think you covered all the relevant points!

    • 741
      Insomniacal Shagger says:

      Yawwn. When does Guido get out of his pit?

    • 742
      Dave Figgley says:

      Ha, ha, mate *YAWWN*. Fuck me. What happened to mid-summer?
      What you been up to Ewa? You fucking on something, gal? Agree, I think.
      Must shoot straight back to bed. Wake me up when the sun comes out.

    • 746
      Alan Mullet says:

      Must try harder, EB.

    • 747
      Alan Mullet says:

      Try injecting a bit of venom, EB.

    • 748
      Dig Sprightly says:

      Well, my cornflakes seem slightly less boring this morning.

    • 750
      Nathaniel Sloth says:

      Maan, what a bummer. I hate Fridays. Six days till I get my cheque and I’ve already mullered last weeks on some decent kush, dude. Oh well, baked beans aren’t all bad.
      BTW Botha-chick; read your bit and it just made me want to top myself. Cheers for that.

    • 752
      Nigel Singh says:

      Drugs are illegal Mr. Sloth?

      • 754
        Nathaniel Sloth says:

        Dude – I could swear that’s Syd Barrett in that photo, man. And we all thought he was being a recluse. Clever guy but somewhat dead now. Shit happens.

    • 756
      Goblin Girl says:

      Hi guys. My pussy is wringing wet. It’s pissing down out there. WTF is summer??

    • 759
      Titus Finckter says:

      Hilarious! Wir haben gerade lesen, hier in Berlin, und wir lachen uns Boden aus.
      Ich mag die Zeile, ‘WHY DON’T YOU ALL JUST FUCK OFF AN GIVE US OUR COUNTRY BACK ????’. Sehr direkt! Halten Sie die gute Arbeit von Herrn Botha!

    • 761
      Night Watchman says:

      Seriously people. Fuck off to bed.

  226. 734
    qoooze says:

    And to put it in perspective, Mandy was in the communist party.

  227. 739
    Mason B says:

    ….he kept it in his apron fine, the petty cash my father saw.

  228. 744
    Lemmy says:

    Sunrise-wrong side of another day. Fucking wake me up when we’ve got a Welsh government will ya? Many thanks.


  229. 749
    Baroness Scotland of Yard says:

    Wiki: “Every government office held in Baroness Scotland’s political career has been an unelected appointment; her official biography (cited below) confirms that she has never actually stood for election to any public office.”

    I want to see this woman’s expense claims – how much of our hard-earned has this difficult, irascible lesbian tickled into her purse?

    • 751
      Nathaniel Sloth says:

      Hey man. The answer to that is probably ‘too fucking much’. Bread-heads are a complete bummer, maan.

  230. 753
    Stronghold Barricades says:

    Frank Field is backing Widdicombe…and also adds some bits about expenses


  231. 755
    Brent South today, Soweto tomorrow says:

    How about Broon appoints a senior barrister to investigate the expense claims of our Ambassadors and Commissioners around the world? At the same time he could investigate whether they are excessively remunerated or are provided with living accommodation that is more luxurious than necessary. He could even look into whether there are people who would gladly do these jobs for free, and do them better, whilst considering it an honour to represent their country abroad rather than as an ego trip round a gold-plated trough. He could report specifically on where the appointment of someone has proved to be an egregious embarrassment to the nation, rather than an asset, and in particular where any diplomatic spouse has screamed insults at the natives, behaved generally like an ill-kempt prostitute and been deported as a result.

    But where would we find a barrister to take on this task? Surely all comptent, charming barristers are already gainfully employed? None are likely to be kicking their heels listening to Herman the Tosser on their iPod whilst waiting for a job offer.

    • 760
      Cherie Blair says:

      Meeeeeeee! Meeeee Please!

    • 767
      hoof-hearted says:

      Most of the cabinet were lawyers or barristers, so I probably wouldn’t trust anyone from that profession to sort their expenses out.

      How do you think Derry Irvine got his top job under Bliar? Cherie and Tony met at his chambers when they were both working as barristers.

  232. 757
    grobdj says:

    Brown says he could walk away tomorrow


    Go on punk, make my day

    • 763
      Trough Mixture says:

      The shite of 1000 Bulls.

      • 765
        Ratsniffer says:

        This is part of a well-planned spin operation: we’ve run out of policy options so now try for the sympathy vote.

        • 770
          hoof-hearted says:

          12 months is not enough time to sort out the god awful mess we’re in. They’ve had 12 years to do this. It’s a case of too little, too late, where this government is concerned.

          The sooner they’re gone, the better.

    • 772
      Anonymous Misogynist says:

      Tomorrow never comes!!!

    • 790
      Anonymous says:

      Hopefully he is preparing the way.

  233. 758
    Ayatollah Khamenei says:

    Islam hates Polly Toynbee

  234. 762
    bounder says:

    Tonight gents, not only do I repeal sect 28 but offer my arse as a peace offering. My wife likes it.

  235. 764
    Ayatollah Khamenei says:

    Islam hates your arse too bounder

  236. 774
    • 775
      Anonymous says:

      you aint gonna get ther usin hoon boy – you got to use the hoon word and it is one mighty angry puppy what made that page up he sure don’t like your prime monster boy

  237. 776
    Anonymous says:

    It always amused me that some of those living in what I will refer to as “Ireland” wanted to rise up and throw off the shackles of foreign rule (from the UK) and then promptly allow themselves to be told what to do and how to live by an irrelevant old man in a purple skirt (the current incumbent of that position being a former member of the Hitler Jügend) …

    (On reflection, maybe not so surprising given the IRA cozied up to, and received financial and military backing from the Nazis…)

    A bit like the Scottish Nationalists wanting “independence in Europe” – so, er,, independence from the UK, only to promptly cede that independence to the EU?

    • 781
      jgm2 says:

      Re: SNP. Quite so. What the Fuck is that all about. We hate being subjugated by the English. We’d rather be subjugated by the French, the Germans and the Italians.

      Tell you what lads – why not go for ‘not being subjugated by anybody’? Now that’s an aspiration we can all understand. But getting excited about choosing your master seems a bit, for want of a better word, fucking insane.

      • 789
        Alex Salmond says:

        Hey lads you are thinking to much about the implications of what we say, just lie back and enjoy the soundbite ” Independence within Europe”. Good one eh , thought it up myself.

    • 787
      1381 says:

      I don’t give a damn about independence for Ireland or Scotland.
      I’d vote for Alex Salmond myself.
      But I do want independence for ENGLAND and rid of occupation by both Sots and Irish.
      As a parting gift they can take all the Roma and their own ‘travellers’ back!! Just a bonus. Or maybe a conservation measure to protect our countryside from noxious litter.

      • 796
        Albert Pierrepoint says:

        The scotch hate the English so deeply they would accept any master but us, even though salmond knows that he must accept all the waves of shit and corrution and jihad and social unrest, and division that will follow.

        Its about time the English woke up and give andy murray the welcome he deserves at wimbledon, one that an Englishman would surely get if the contest was hel in scotland

        • 809
          1381 says:

          Andy Murray has already shown his colours.
          If you remember he refused to support our English football team

        • 828
          Johanes Stevenson says:

          In the United Provinces someone from Rotterdam would refuse to support the Greek sheep stealers

  238. 780
    Cassandra King says:

    Brown claims in the guardian that that he is an innocent victim of dirty tricks, that he knows nothing of dirty tricks and political machinations and he could walk away from the power he has dreamed of for so long?

    Brown is a lying cheating scheming cowardly bully who has used smears/lies/
    dirty tricks/back briefing/back stabbing/greasy pole climbing like they are second nature(which they are)!

    The whole article is a ’nuffink to do wiv me guv’ and ‘it was all someone elses fault’, the fact that we all know he is lying isnt the worst thing rather its that he expects us to believe his lies!

    Mcmentals whole life has been the pursuit of power by trampling on others and stamping on the faces of fellow greasy pole climbers when needed, he uses others and throws them away like we would use a milk carton, he would strangle his fucking beard for one more day of power!

    The mental defective set up a fake unsustainable boom when he was chancellor with the sole intention of helping his rise to the PMs post, he timed the false boom to coincide with his planned coup against Bliar.

    Brown has schemed his way into No10 using every dirty dishonest trick that his perverted mind could invent and used his ugly henchmen without mercy to smash his enemies and he is doing it even as I write this.

    Fuck off Mcmental, fuck off and die!

  239. 783
    Sir Reginald Titbrain says:

    Since we are ont a Euro theme heres a little snippet I came across. H/H to a Mr.Peter Watson.


    Several threads worth following, but the one that caught my attention under the heading ” Arrogance ” was the bit about the EU elections.

    ……..under existing European law, that is to say, the Nice Treaty, will have 736 seats. But the euro-elites are manoeuvring to make the voters elect 754 MEPs – that is, to elect an extra 18 politicians to the lushly-paid parliament, even though these politicians will have no seat to fill……

    This is because the Lisbon Treaty allows it,

    Anyone know whether these extre 18 seats were included?

    • 793
      Albert Pierrepoint says:

      We’ve got the death penalty back on the books too. Accept the liberal consensus – or die.

  240. 785
    Seth the pig farmer says:

    Brown and the Government are pursuing a scorched earth policy doing as much as possible to screw up the country for the Tories, including signing contracts with excessively punitive penalties for the Governement for the implementation of ID cards as well had handing over sovreignity to the EU on a range of issues purely for party political reasons.

    They are traitors.

  241. 801
    Willhelm says:

    Just wouldn’t do to have someone in power who’s a Protestant. After all, the Catholic Labour party need someone to support their thieving and bigotry, don’t they Michael Martin.

    Welcome to the Republic of Schotland.

  242. 802
    Anonymous says:

    Gods know what game you are playing Guido -
    but no good will come of it. I can assure you.

  243. 804
    Onanmcfly says:

    “And it’s on the twelfth I love to wear the kippah my father wore….oi vei!”

  244. 808
    Mason Boyne says:

    Aye , and remember at that time we were being bombed into oblivion by you “fenian fuckers in the RA”

    Your not the only one with a long memory mate.

  245. 816
    Ulsterman says:

    Guido with his pro-IRA stance here has lost 80% of his audience.
    Wot a CNT!

  246. 819
    Desperate Dan says:

    Gudio has obviously started his “pro-Fenian” rhetoric, due to a recent slump in visitors, and having no real COPY to get on with..

    No wonder he’s getting ‘PUNKED’…

  247. 825
    Anonymous says:

    Guido – You’re a disgrace!
    Fuck off back to the bogs.

  248. 832
    Anonymous says:

    That is not a Rangers/UDA symbol. That is a specially produced union flag with a monarchist symbol on top to celebrate the 25th anniversary of the Coronation in 1978 so it is a few years old.

    By Court order the Sash is NOT Sectarian and a Fenian means an Irish republican. Sinn Fein delight in saying that many republicans were Protestant so it cannot mean a Catholic.

    I await your scathing attack on the Rt Hon Dr Death John Reid who according to the Rt Hon Mr Galloway taught the Labour Party members “the entire IRA songbook” (Source http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gG4u4Wy28H0)

  249. 835
    Anonymous says:

    I havent reclaimed for clearing Wisteria from my chimney as I dont have a chimney?


    I didnt go to Eton – I went to a comprenhensive school


    John Bercow confront the anti-semites in the Conservative Party who are opposing his bid to become the next Speaker

  250. 838
    Irn Bru Snorter says:

    One thing about us “dirty Fenian fuckers”, we have long memories…

    Hey, come on Guido…. don’t exaggerate, man….

    It’s just “dirty Fenian Bastards”

  251. 839

    [...] Friday Caption Contest (Bercow Rangers Edition) Picture taken at a Glasgow Rangers Supporters Club in the late 80s, note the Rangers / red hand, UDA poster.  Those [...] [...]

  252. 842
    Dick Emery's Cock says:

    Was,nt Guido an ALTAR BOY?

  253. 844
    Vilhelm Van Oranje says:

    Is this like a spot the ball competition?’ Spot the UDA poster?

  254. 847
    Ulster Bob says:

    The Sash is not a sectarian song, this was the line taken by a Judge in a Court in Scotland.

    Check out the link below, it’s the Irish Guards rehearsing for the Trooping of the Colour, their Pipes And Drums are playing going along the Mall, the 3rd Tune they play is The Sash.

    If a Regiment of Her Majesty’s Foot Guards plays the Tune, what’s wrong with it.

    Is there an Anti-Unionist agenda ??

  255. 849
    Anonymous says:

    up the Ra, pity they didnt kill every one of you Hunts

Seen Elsewhere

From the IRA to Windsor Castle | WSJ
Coulson: Everything You Need to Know in 6 Seconds | MediaGuido
Mo Ansar’s Silence | Adrian Hilton
Gove Loses WWI Battle | Conservative Woman
5 Reasons Labour Likely to Win General Election | Sunny Hundal
Dave Surrounded By Topless Women | Sun
UN Loony says Britain Most Sexist Country | Sun
Farage is a Good Reason to Leave the EU | Dan Hannan
UKIP Blocked Expenses Questions | Times
NHS Showdown Coming | Paul Goodman
Sons of Brown | Telegraph

Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)

Cathy Jamieson MP, Labour’s Shadow Treasury minister, commenting on Treasury analysis of the economic impact of tax changes…

“If the Treasury is looking at the economic impact of tax changes, then surely it should examine the impact of the rise in VAT and cuts to tax credits? George Osborne’s £12 billion VAT rise knocked confidence, helped to choke off the recovery and has cost families £1,350 over the last three years.”

orkneylad says:

What’s he been doing FFS, mining bitcoins?

Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:


AddThis Feed Button

Guido Reads