New Here?
As new readers flood into the blog it might be helpful to set the tone for newbies. This is the wrong place to argue in the comments about policies or who to vote for – too boring. As the traffic has gone up a whole new crowd of readers have joined us and for those readers who have been around a long time this can be very irritating. Particularly as the comment threads get longer and less readable (see The Economics of Blog Comments).
The comments are not a general forum, the convention with blogs is that you discuss the subject in the post, perhaps going off occasionally in a tangent, perhaps referencing breaking news, but not posting off topic about your hobby horse again. Nor are they somewhere to repetively spam with links. A link to a relevant post elsewhere is fine. Repetitive link whoring is advertising, Guido likes to be paid for advertising. You’ll just get yourself deleted.
Guido’s comments policy is inconsistent, there is no right of reply or mechanism for complaint. Guido just doesn’t care. Now the daily readership is regularly 100,000 plus, and a good proportion of them seem to be total loons, it is getting tedious to have to delete dozens of comments every day that have got past the automated defences. There also appears to be some kind of misunderstanding about the blog’s purpose – it is not, despite what Ofcom says, a public service.
So for guidance here is a reminder of the somewhat arbitrary comments deletion policy:
- If you post a long essay of a comment, it will be deleted.
- If you want to libel someone – get your own blog.
- If you want to abuse Guido, get your own blog (unless you do it wittily).
- If you want to complain about Jews, blacks, lizards, little green men in your head etc. Get your own blog.
- If you want to complain that it is biased, get your own unbiased blog.
- If you want lengthy discussion about policy, bore on your own blog.
- If you get offended easily, don’t complain, don’t come back.
In general some subjects are just not allowed to be discussed here because they invite the web based obsessives from the dark corners of the internet. The truth about 9/11 will never be found here, the worldwide Jewish conspiracy is actively supported here as is the globalist New World Order. Oh, and Guido came to earth on a UFO, so no point discussing that subject (or lizards). Guido’s readers in general are not interested in your views on euphemisms, zionists, nationalism or race realism. There is no freedom of speech on private property, more importantly you have no right to this blog’s audience.
The primary purpose of this blog is to amuse Guido, a by-product of that is the amusement and entertaining of others. Tittle-tattle and gossip are the currency of this blog, occasionally this blog breaks a hard news story which dominates the front pages, mostly we do Westminster trivia. The readers make this blog what it is, are the best sources and Guido loves them for that. Particularly the witty ones.
This is not an impartial comprehensive news service, the blog aims to have 3 to 5 selective posts a day, go to Reuters if you want a newswire. Guido relies on hundreds of co-conspirators for information – the many ways to contact Guido are here. Enjoy, contibute, get a co-conspirators T-shirt. Maybe.
See also Comment Bores, Comment Control, Guido’s Get Tough Policy on Comments.
Hear hear, and may it long continue.
Agreed, Hugh.
If you continue to impersonate me I shall report you to the police for stealing my identity. I am a successful graphics fidelity expert and proud Labour voter but you are a stupid troll. You need to learn to relax and let it go. Be happy. Vote Labour.
Only a complete mug would vote NuLiebour, try reading this Charlie boy, your master is still up to his tricks (no surprise there of course):
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/mps-expenses/mps-expenses-rebuilding-politic/5489702/Gordon-Brown-accused-of-expenses-cover-up-over-Shahid-Maliks-return-to-Government.html
Be happy, vote Labour. My candidate for Dichotomy of the Year.
Charles H&E Hardwodge – you are a superannuated and sentimental old fart with a stunted fantasy narcissism. The phrase “graphics fidelity” does not exist in the vocabulary of software engineers. The word “troll” does, but your usage is entirely humpty-dumpty. You need to relax and let go. Be happy. Buy a plot in your local cemetary.
Threaded comments = queue jumpers (like me)
Assuming many comments are from esteemed members of our parliamentary class, you can get a good idea as to why the country is fucked
Is that the same UFO that delivered me?
Be happy, vote Labour
You would have to be on the happy pills to vote Labour any more!
Not the real Charles…
40 Grumpy Old Man
Charles Hardwidget would be my candidate for lobotomy of the year, not dichotomy!
Him or Little Wanker, but then again, Little Wanker has already had his and they tried, and failed, to graft it to his inadequate member!
“I shall report you to the police for stealing my identity”
Eh? The REAL Charles Hardwidge has NEVER posted on Guido (source: LabourLost.org) . You sir, are an imposter. Papieren, bitte.
Dear Charles Hardwidge for Prime Minister,
Potty mouth Hardwidge has made many claims in the past on LL and elsewhere. If you are stupid enough to believe a word the toad says then you are very stupid indeed.
Tanya.
290 – Charles Hardwidge for Prime Minister
With a pompous post like that – you are Peter Jukes and I claim my 3p.
Report away, Charles. For impersonating you, I’d be able to plea insanity.
Dunno. Could be.
No guidance on Hardwidge abuse?
Hardwidge is all right you can ignore or not.
The sad thing is the tedious dimwits impersonating him and the even dimmer quarter wits who swallow it.
But then GuidOaf Orcs site wouldn’t be anything without his gaggle of ‘right wing’ fossilised dimwits, would it?
you must be a false baiter too.
you can go now.
Does Charles Hardwidge even exist? Everything I’ve ever read by ‘him’ is as mad as a tank of tadpoles.
I can’t hear you!
Cunliffe you twat, do you need guidance to abuse Hardwidge?
Just use your fuckin’ imagination.
Twat.
I was seeking guidance from the leader of the gang (oh yeah)
Thanks for the clarification Guido. Your Blog, your rules! Agreed!
Am I allowed mention that Guido is fat?
And has a high pitched girl’s voice?
And he sounds increasingly like Keith Vaz?
Terrific.
Thumbs up Mr Ned. You’re a nauseating little toady and lickspittle. Fantatistic! Agreed! brilliant!
Careful bully boy or you might get your skull caved in by a bigger bully boy.
Brilliant! Triffic! Thumbs up great!
…and Daniel Hannan speaks to KeepRightOnline here:
http://is.gd/VTXC
Did you read above you link-whoring twat?
PMQ’s is gonna be a good one today.
Obviously didn’t read it, maybe coz as a blog piece it was an overlong whingeing essay, lacking wit.
Someone ought to switch to decaf!!
I did but I hope you like this one conclusive proof that Gordon is a Wanker
Thanks to Plato for the original pic
Guido’s policy in short -
If you want to discuss anything that actually matters in politics or make sense of the madness that now passes as `democracy` in this `country` now ruled by the EU, then visit `Old Holborn’s blog, it’s a damn sight more fun.
A true Libertarian, unlike guido.
Bye sheeples!
This is not a disaster for Labour, it is a great opportunity to for them to carry out their noble agenda of political reform. The grassroots can hold their head high in the knowledge that Britain has giants like Brown and Mandelson at the helm.
Agreed and on a lighter note, is that Brown or McPoison in the Tin Foil hat with the fingers in their ears?
On an even lighter note, Guido, do you need another mod for PMQs?
No it’s Charlie Falconer!
Really, really off topic. I read that the OED is about to add its millionth English word to the dictionary. Could everyone insist on “Hoon” to rank alongside Quisling and Boycott.
About bloody time!
I.E. to most of the 100,000 – piss off! Hope your advertisers remain happy with that. Too bad you did not think of more obvious creative alternatives first. Natural narcissim is the best sort though & Guido definitely keeps the cards that read ‘have mercy on his soul’
And I also wrote this about Gordon:
“They’re spoonfeeding Casanova
To get him to feel more assured
Then they’ll kill him with self-confidence
After poisoning him with words”
At Long Last. Thanks Guido.
Very lengthy guidelines on ….
…., well, ….
…. keeping it brief, concise, to the point, apt, readable, newsworthy, value-adding (hurray for MBA/powerpointslide speak)
MBA = More Bullshit Added
MBA = Married But Available
God! That isn’t a picture of you in balaclava and mask is it Guido? Thought you were tall, dark, and handsome!
Well, said sir.
And those stupid fuckers who keep posting “first”, fuck off or get banned. Better still get a fucking life. Now where is Guido’s coffee?
Interesting – you seem to have been ignored on that one.
What’s the want with ‘First’ anyway? I fail to see how that adds to debate… what is it – a competition to see who can post the first useless post.
Is there anyway to moderate for these posts? (Advanced moderator options?)
BTW – great blog.
Probably carried over from slashdot.org, or somewhere similar.
It’s a politicalbetting.com thing – for obvious reasons their readers like to be first.
Personally I’m waiting for Bob Worcester to turn up here – he’s been outed on the Daily Mail’s comments this week and very funny it was too.
The regular posters here would like to have MOD powers, it’s so obvious, they’ve made veiled references to it for ages, and yet, it works better without, once you start moderating you have to moderate the moderators, and most moderators start to act like Waffen SS the moment you give them a look in.
The only reason I use this blog is that it is a good place to find near-instantaneous comedic debate, usually the topics that stay on topic are unutterably boring. You just end up with people baying like a bunch of hounds for blood and guts and gore dancing to the tune like a marionette muppet.
So basically, keep things as they are, don’t worry about the regulars, most regulars here are serially unemployed, don’t moderate, delete too much, just leave things as they are.
Good point! The beauty of this blog is the utter chaos in the comments section.
beauty comments blog this chaos utter is the.
Words use Yoda Less.
Efficient more is he.
So if you don’t comment at all you will be running at optimum efficiency.
Bloody good idea.
Da
“First” is way up there with those (Yank) tossers at golf who bawl “Get in the hole!”
Succinct and to the point. Hear Hear.
Guido there are little green men in my head. I think one of them is called Peter Mandelson. What should I do?
Ask the Jewish conspiracy to remove them for you – oh, and while you’re at it can you ask the lizard men how they managed to place the explosives in WTC building 7.
I’m already on it and rest assured we will get the chaps who mugged the lovely Rachel Stevens
Guido,
So does this mean we can murder Palestinian children and we have your approval?
You really are a mensches’ mensch!
Heil Israel!
Put your finger up your nose and winkle him out.
i agree , o/t great site
Time for an overdue caffeine fix I think.
Might I suggest Guido making some effort to avoid impersonation. Or perhaps that’s part of the fun.
Hmm, but I hate members-only forums, the fun is, I guess, being “anonymous”).
It seems that in general, people mostly take this too seriously, or not seriously enough, the correct amount of seriousness being about 3 pints + 2 joints.
Generally the topics stay somewhat relevant, I think perhaps Guido is feeling somewhat frustrated having had 3 weeks of never ending mp smashing, gordon-about-to-resign’ing fun, It’s going to be hard to match this, I would suggest, mostly drinking, mostly.
I notice that Guido did not deny that he was a racist in this blog post. How telling that is of a man, to make an angry rant like this and then refuse to denounce racism. I never thought I’d see the day.
p.s. I am not a racist, in fact I abhor racism.
Agreed! Probably the most accurate posting I ‘ve read today
Fark.com has a good way of dealing with the “First Post” whereby it changes “first!” or “first post” to the word “boobies”, and changes the time stamp so it appears in 12 hours after the original post.
Maybe you could go with something hoon related..
Are we there yet?
No we’re miles away. Now shut the fuck up.
Now this is just typical, for years I’ve seen number battles on blogs and rarely gotten involved, last night I saw my chance. I said 1st…
and I was, for about two minutes before the men in black had away with it.
B*gger.
Isn’t the primary purpose of your blog to make you money? Surely you can entertain yourself in better ways.
Guido, I’m truly sorry if you consider me a link-whore.
I love your blog/MO. You are truly insightful and witty in equal measure. You may be simply venting here, but you are influencing developments in our political system/classes and in our society’s attitude to them for which we are all greatly endebted to you.
Personally, you have inspired me to get off my arse and do something constructive/positive with my skills. If you get a minute and can be arsed I would be honoured if you would critique my new track Roses (only 1min. 11secs…)
Alternatively, I’m thick-skinned enuff to handle being told to fuck off…I’d probably be honoured by that…(!)
Now, how do you take your coffee?
I
Will your audience get too big for you to cope on your own Guido, making you the victim of your own success?
Heard on the street: Someone is making an IPO for the order-order blog.
Easy come easy go, bad move to make, good for the seller, bad for the buyer, I enjoy the thought of a half-drunk Irishman “moderating”, I couldn’t deal with it if people like “baiter” “penguin” “hugh” started becoming moderators with a little badge and plastic gun.
Audiences have a tendency to vanish from blogs when they try to embrace investment.
Wasn’t a moderator on wikipedia a Labour councillor who used his position to advance his pet projects?
Like getting Harriet correctly referred to as Harperson I guess.
‘Half-drunk Irishman’! If he was only half-drunk the Fenian get would make even less sense!
I believe that Michael Martin will be able to modearte here in the near future and he has plenty of experience in moderation
Nah, not with thick as thieves policing the area and keeping all the retards in order.
We already live in a police state.
and that is why we must smash the machine.
you are pushing an open door love.
oh and I am merely using intellectual force barefootcontessa, so I do not appreciate being associated with violent groups like the police.
the police have been spurred on too terrorise the public and behave like thugs thanks to the powers that have been given to them by a government scared of the consequences of its own failed foreign policy.
and we are paying the price.
your assessment is incorrect but if we intend to prevent a police state then we must kill the beast.
labour must die.
motherfucking war criminals.
can’t brown and blair and straw and balls and miliband and falconer and hoon and macshane and and campbell and scarlet be tried and hanged?
we will have to have separate hearing for the civil servants who collaborated with the war criminals.
fucking dogs.
I’d fucking do it.
Guido, please can you include Common Porpoise obsessives, too?
Or have They got you under Their spell as well?
No they can fuck off too.
This blog is so immature because you are all so angry. If you were a balanced and clear-headed Zen Buddhist like me you’d know that Labour are doing a fantastic job offering support to hard-working families during the global recession.
What’s so wrong with immaturity? I’ve spent the last 30 years trying to maintain my 15 year old self’s views and attitudes.
Judging by the intensity of my hangover this morning and this here foot-high inbox it’s still working really well
Grown up is SOO boring.
You forgot to mention you are a successful graphics fidelity expert, my son.
FUCK OFF
Would you like to read my latest article, I’m sure you’ll find it very informative?
Charles – not in my name
What? Supporting hard working families by taking away their jobs and putting them on the dole?
Cede A Prefix Rightist Ply
Kaaaaaaaaaaarma Charles.
In a cheery mood this morning Mr Fawkes.
On a lighter note, Gordon’s new found love of the AV system of voting is exactly the same as the AV system of voting the Prince of Darkness campaigned for back in 2000.
Gordon opposed it then. The puppetmaster rules now.
Lol, still smarting from having his pants pulled down over Purnell “standing”.
Mandy works in mysterious ways
The Prince Regent of Darkness if you don’t mind.
It’s not his Plaice to say
But it is biased!
Fuck off, Jonah!
The Penguin
Of course it is, what’s wrong with a fine socialist tradition?
I will paypal you ten whole pounds if you get your webmonkey so write a little if($username==”FrankFisher”){
allow c unt;
}
clause into your script. Free market obscenity Guido – c’mon, take the cash.
£100 and you are done.
£40
That’s a fair price
Frank, just write ‘cünt’.
Swiss bob. is that some sort of heavy metal – ladies part. A bit like a twät ?
Much as I admire your desire to turn your enterprise into a valuable source of extra income, this would set a risky precedent. How much of their euromoney would the B&P be willing (and now able) to offer you?
This could be a lucrative little earner for you Guido – an internal market in abusive language. A first in the world I would think. Profitable *and* ideologically sound *and* amusing.
Forty quid, c’mon, do the deal.
Frank, for twenty quids I’ll tell you how to write cunt for free.
Do you have PayPal?
DoctorMick, I know I can do it (cunt) with trickery, that’s not the point. A gentleman negotiates and trades. I’m suggesting an innovative two tier market solution to Guido, to meet the genuine needs of his audience to properly abuse politicians, coupled with a 320% boost in the schoolboy humour dept. *Paying* to step outside a censorship policy; I mean how cool is that? Preferential human rights on the stumping up of cold hard cash – this is a model that could sweep the world.
For £20 you’ll tell him how to write cunt for free??
Economics isn’t really your strong point, is it?
You’re not related to a certain monocular jock weirdo, are you??
Duh, took a while for someone to pick that one up. Well it’s free from Guido’s horrendous eighty quid markup.
If I were related to the Great Leader I wouldn’t be scamming beer money off websites. I’d be sat in my free apartment watching the half of the French maid I’d paid for.
YOU IDIOT!
Ha Ha Ha!
Let’s all laugh at the fool!
Dr. Mick, it’s- I’d be SITTING in my free apartment ……. I dread to think what sort of a doctor you are!
He’s a strap-on doctor.
Geddit?
Isn’t the good doctor simply using the aorist tense with ‘sat’?
I like it the way it is, makes Geoff Hoon synonymous with residents of sHunthorpe
arse, that didn’t work
Did you mean Scunthorpe?
‘arse, that didn’t work’
I know the feeling
Seventh!
No you are eigth you fuckwit
Eighth, perhaps?
Did none of you fuckwits read the rules above?
The decimal system is a number short because
Seven
eight
Nine
Well, boom-fucking-tish!
Go back to comedy school and learn some proper jokes, like the ones I tell about geeeeeeermans
Awl right
Awl Right
Calm Down
Calm down
Shit.
Don’t say shit, say fuck.
Don’t say fuck, say cunt
Here, here!
And Guido, can you start a discussion about Shahid Malik’s report by Sir Philip Mawer being surpressed?
There’a a love.
It’s “hear, hear,” not “here, here.” Where’s a love?
How about one on the proposed changes to our constitution.
I know Labour hate democracy – but some of us feel that there’s an iceburg coming and standing on the Titanic might not be a good idea!
How about an unelected leader with a partisan and cabinet with many unelected members writing a new constitution, surely unconstitutional?
Wheres our inquiry into Kelly.
I had an iceburg the other day. The useless bint in MacDonald’s had the microwave on the wrong setting.
When she sticks a finger up at you – that’s not a micro-wave!
Daily Telegraph did some investigative work on S Malik this am. He must have something on someone?
I’m disappointed that we can’t have discussions about lizards, lounge or otherwise
I know – just imagine Ed Ball’s disappointment at no longer being the subject of debate…
There are enough reptiles in the HoC
but true reptiles enjoy sunlight
Reptiles have backbones. Try invertebrates.
Reptiles are lovely creatures, and though not warm blooded, live happily
in cracks and crevices, just basking in the sun to recharge their batteries. Hardly a good comparison to those vile human specimens who hang about the Houses of Parliament.
Feel free to dicuss me and my proclivities.
Old news, Mandy!
Fair enough. But people will probably continue to write what they like, and you will have to spend most of your time moderating.
Beats working.
Get a job you scounger and stop living off state handouts.
What is the matter with you tories, afraid of working?
Jog on retard.
Well said, sir. Over at Samizdata, we had the same problem with various types trying to use it as a forum for racist views, etc. Eventually, the bullet had to be delivered to ensure that the comment threads remained lively but also friendly.
Another thing that bugs me is when commenters complain that I don’t write about stuff they find interesting. Er, if they feel that way, there’s plenty of other stuff out there.
Keep up the good work!
It’s just Guido in a bad temper,he does this from time to time,but his blog his rules,but please don’t tell him to keep up the good work as we like to starve him of affection as it keeps his head on his shoulders.
Guido, You could always add a forum for the obsessives to bore each other in. A few of us might volunteer for moderation duties. Hate to see impressions & clicks go to waste. Tenth?
EG
Totally agree. Have you seen that open Gordo has refused to publish the independent report on Malik. Ian Dales blog.
Any ideas on where his seond office is?
sorry=second
no, 51st.
Somewhere quite close to his second orifice?
Have just requested it and associated docs under foia
Quite agree Guido, old chap. Get rid of the riff-raff.
What have I done now?
Lord Bendy Back most certainly disapproves, riff or raff will do.
Don’t you just hate benefit scroungers?
Guido,
You should have entered ‘Britain got Talent’!
He did – he came second………..
Sorry Guido…. couldn’t resist……..
Careful, that could be a banning offence.
But I still think you’re great!
I’m leaving as this is no place for total loons
I’ll take ur place , honey .
Mornin all . Anythin happenin ??
E x .
Er, just you repeating yourself mainly.
Got any new lines love?
I thought you’d feel right at home here.
Would you like some mashed banana?
Thank God for that – getting a bit weary scanning through 700 posts to find the amusing one. But I will miss the lizards.
Well, as a Lizard, I can say that I’m feeling a tiny bit disenfranchised.
Some of us are normal, you know.
so you can kiss my natural scaly ***
We’re very lucky to have such a strong cabinet, things are pretty rough out there. Thank goodness Gordon’s got the vision to lead us into a new age!
Charles, you’re bidding fair to be allocated your own piano wire, but in a spirit of openness you can chose your own lamp-post.
I think his “vision” is leading us in circles.
Hey! He has terrible problems with depth perception.
Ha Ha Ha Ha the cabinets about as strong as a cheap MFI sideboard with half its screws loose. As for Gordon having the vision etc hasn’t he only got poor vision in one eye?
God help us all.
Hmmmm is this Charles E Hardwidge impersonator #3 or Charles E Hardwidge impersonator #94?
You leave Gordon’s disability out of it.
send unleavened bread with various toppings
What happened to Stanislav?
Objected to being pre-moderated. Still out there though. I think.
http://bastardoldholborn.blogspot.com/2009/02/telegraph-blues-by-stanislav-young.html
Further evidence of his continued existence…
http://mrishmael.blogspot.com/
From 7th June 2009
Oh, it’s Gordon this and Gordon that
And Gordon knows the route
But he’s hiding in the toilet
When the guns begin to shoot
The guns begin to shoot me lads, the guns begin to shoot,
Gordon’s whistlin’ Colonel Bogey, when the guns begin to shoot
and on and on in ever ascending brilliance…
And he’s munching on his mucus and chewing at his nails
Snotman between Obama and the Prince of fucking Wales.
Oh, his Lordship “objected to pre-moderation”, did he?
Evidently the host is simply too insensitive to the needs of … The Artist! The Artist!
He turned some fine phrases but he was a windbag, a wannabe and a mastodonic bore. Good riddance.
He had a blog at something like stanislavplumbcheap4u.com but that died. As far as I can tell this is him http://www.skymadeupnewsandfilth.com/ but nothing for the last couple of weeks.
A very useful addition there, Mr F.
Might I suggest making this “sticky”?
I bet you say that to all the girls.
Want to borrow one of my bogeys
Guido, never include a spell-check on here, it helps sort out the grammars from the comprehensives
I kwite agree old chap
My grammar never went to school, bless her. But if she did, I’m sure she would have learned how to use a colon and a full stop.
Touche ( accute). I did put a colon in but took it out again for some reason. No excuses for the stop. I think I was skiing the day they did them.
Note also that I didn’t put ‘Grammars’ and ‘Comprehensives’ in single parenthesis.
Parentheses please. which in any case are these ) (,
Acute, not accute.
Accute, acute, quite, that’s what you get with Grandma schoolin’
Not necessarily.
Gordon Brown found out a way of talking through his colon but never how to stop.
Blew my tea all over the screen. Respect!
Colon.
mmmmmm…
This thread was lacking the dogs bollocks:-
But not any more.
I went to a public school, every bleeder went there.
Wow I’m breathless after reading all of that.
Good. Fucking excellent.
Nice to have the ground rules sorted. High time for a clear-out. I was getting RSI in the comments.
Now, can we get on with it?
Can you get that sorted out on the NHS or is it private only?
You can – but you’ll have to hurry. The NHS is about to implode.
Otherwise I can put you in touch with a very good Brazilian specialist.
RSI?
Repetitive Strain Injury. It’s why you wake up with aching wrists every mornng, dear boy.
That explains it
yes—witty is good
i remember going to a ben elton gig expecting witty but all he did was swear obscenities at thatcher.
we dont want the likes of ben elton on here
It wasn’t witty but it did get loads of ironic cheers and groans from the assembled right-on Unwashed trendies clasping plastic glasses of lager that comprised an audience. It made Elton rich and famous to the extent that he could fund his aspirations to be a writer. And, best of all, he could afford to move to Australia.
200 years ago you could move to Australia at public expense.
‘Aspirations’ is about right. Did he ever manage it?
What the fuck did we do to deserve that prick?
I’ve met Ben Elton and I can honestly say I’ve had crabs who proved better company.
No one wants me anywhere, these days.
Bring back Benny Hill!
Plenty of space reserved for you down here, old son.
I always thought Janet Brown was more realistic as PM
I preferred Faith Brown’s impersonation
Yeah – she’s got bigger tits!
Elton is a persuasive argument for – or against – the BBC, depending on your PoV. His edginess went blunt the moment he took the BBC shilling – neutered within Auntie’s bosom. And not just Elton. Over the years, we’ve paid a lot of money so that Auntie can add to her collection of comedians’ balls, and if she can’t have them, she’ll make sure you’re left in the cold as an entertainer to freeze. “Edginess” is alleged to be twerps such as Bland and Woss, demonstrating that at the Beeb comedy is no more real than objective political reporting. I was persuaded. I gave up TV.
Ah the New Guido Handbook just published today. You forgot the link for the download Guido, I’d charge at least £1 a go.
Guido seems to have taken advice from another fucking Irishman called O’Leary.
He wants to charge £5 to wipe your bum.
Tony
Times must be hard in th airline business if he’s launching a personal arse wiping service…
You must have a tough time being called both Anonymous & Tony?
As part of the Colonel’s ongoing efforts to ensure best possible use of public funds I am now announcing that in order to allow John Bercow to maximise time with constituency matters I am willing to shag his wife on Wednesdays and Fridays.
Obviously this service will have to be suspended during the Ashes series
Not Wednesdays.
Mrs is otherwise engaged.
Friday’s are a bit tricky for me, too.
Fridays? No problem!
Guido – can we have a separate page for a list of banned users so we can throw virtual rotten fruit n veg at?
We could call it “The Loons ‘n’ Hoons of the Church of Draper (near-not-at-Berkeley)” or something?
Wash your mouth out with soap and water you little heathen. The Green Pixie will have her revenge!
OK. So I’ll get my own blog.
Oh dear, do I have to fuck off as well?
You need to check with Peter, Baron Mandelson of Foy in the County of Herefordshire and Hartlepool in the County of Durham, First Secretary of State, Secretary of State for Business, Innovation and Skills and Lord President of the Council, first.
Lord Fumblebum of Boy – much shorter and might take him down a peg or three.
Please see my comment at 110.
Yawn.
He must get a knighthood would start that lot off nicely.
Highly Important Secretary of State for Innovation, the Future and International Trade
Yes. Here is the revolver and a bottle of whisky. Why else do you think I am campaigning to provide legal protection to those whose assist the terminally ill to commit suicide?
Harriet Harman is just the woman (strong, brilliant, driven) Labour needs to rejuvenate it. Labour have made great inroads dealing with sexism in the workplace, largely thanks to the heroic Harriet.
I totally agree. Hatty for PM! The next Tory government will outlast the Whig supremacy.
Guido, if you want, I’ll voluntarily offer to moderate your comments for you… waddayasay?
Why would Guido want HIS comments moderated?
Lizards? What’s wrong with lizards? Some of my best friends are lizards.
We want (in no particular order)
Scandalous, mischievous, smutty, swearing, pomposity busting, hypocrite taunting, trough exposing, side splitting, foul mouthed, government toppling humour. And some totty now and again.
Keep prodding them with pointy sticks Guido. They can’t stop you and they fucking HATE it.
Fat lot of fucking good it will do.
I had a look at PB the other day, the first fifty comments were “First?” or variations on that theme. What a waste of time.
First!
Have a look at the first 50 comments on yesterday’s thread here, complete bollocks the lot of it.
I bet Guido was more than a little pissed off when he came back from his travels yesterday to find 1,400 bollocks comments and 50 inciteful/informative ones on the thread
You mean insightful I think
Slip of the brain/fingers interconnect indeed.
On this blog though, it could proably be either I guess
He knows whate he meant – incite to throttle ZaNuLabor MPs is what most of the posts achieved!
I am a comparatively new reader- does that mean I am a loon? I have always been interested in cookery and do not see why I should be excluded from this forum.
King Miguelof Tonga
Broadmoor
Over the past few days I’ve been struck by Andy Burnham’s strength and resolve. It must be no easy task being an MP, and he handled it perfectly!
and you’re another trolling cünt that should be banned.
Just count yourself exceedingly lucky that’s the only Burnham item that has ‘struck’ you.
Is it just me or does Andy Burnham look like Melvyn Hayes?
http://www.celebrity8x10s.com/photos/tn/27883_25.jpg
He ain’t half shit mum.
this sounds like he’s giving you hand relief and you’re having difficulty co-operating
try closing your eyes and imagining tessa
Can’t i imagine Isa instead
Typical. Up all night writing my longest post ever only to see long posts banned before I can post it. Let’s see if I can abbreviate it then:
The behaviour of MP’s over the last month has been sufficiently bizarre for me to suspect they may have brainwashed themselves into Groupthink.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Groupthink
ps, the original post was a lot wittier. I must get my own blog up and running (yawn…)
Guido,
Why you kicka ma dog and call heem fuckoff?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peter
Peter who?
Peter, Baron Mandelson of Foy in the County of Herefordshire and Hartlepool in the County of Durham, First Secretary of State, Secretary of State for Business, Innovation and Skills and Lord President of the Council. I am the puppet master. See my strings. Watch him dance! Isn’t he a jolly little fellow!
Stepney,
Guido says keep it short:
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peter
Peter who?
Peter the Twat.
OK
Knock kn-
Just Fuck OFF Mandelson!
Tra laa!
Very good Guido. Stop these promoters of nebulous nonsense.
Enough self publication and mental ramblings on here.
As I said in my book
“David Kelly and the Hamas/Mossad Milliner conspiracy. The rise of the far right and the decline of flat caps.”
find out more about the link between the decline of the bowler hat and the global financial crisis.
Visit WW.its-all-too-believable if_youwant_to/believe.cum.
or go to my website “Tophat.com”
Phone 08679876545 for a free newsletter and fact sheet.
Send £50.00 for a badge and T/shirt
Go away then
Tra laa laa boom dee lee aye
Where is the real Ambrose? What has happened to him?
Was he fired when Draper bit the dust.
Actually i saw a filthy disgusting tramp, laid out in Cavendish Common.
Drool on his unshaven and unwashed chin. It was Derek draper, now forced to live on a park bench.
He looked a lot better than he did when he used to turn up on the BBC.
He has been resurrected as a Master Batier.
Back again?
I hope Ambrose is back. Its nice to have the zeal of the Hitler Youth putting a positive shine on Gordon’s pronouncements and declaring the end of fat cat bankers and capitalism.
Starting the day by reading a Pompous Sulk comment instantly leaves reader feeling twice as smart.
Fuck off.
Tra laa laa boom dee lee aye
VERY, VERY, VERY GAY INDEED.
The following is the quality kitemark to which all comments in this forum should aspire.
“Sarah teather may be a dog, however, her head is just the right height to balance a pint on whilst the men around her discuss serious matters.”
(Someone claiming to be Peter Hitchens, Sept 2006)
In policy terms, anything which passes muster as “totty watch” should be counted as on-topic and preserved for posterity, its index of success being the shrillness of execration that it attracts from feminist walruses, bed-wetting new men and other such riff-raff.
Sarah Teather is my MP and a bloody good one – honest, conscientious and hard working. Unlike her scumbag neighbouring Labour MP Dawn Butler who ripped off the taxpayer £60,000 for “second home” expenses, although her first home is only a few miles away from her constituency.
Thanks for your comment Mr Teather.
Sarah teather is very lucky.
Dawn Butler makes John Prescott look like a hard working, honest, conscientious articulate intellectual and a moral role model for the community.
If Sarah Teather just turned at her constituency surgery and sat listening to her Ipod and playing online poker she would surpass the best efforts of Butler, at half the costs.
What is amazing is the it is likely Butler will win the seat.
So THAT’S why office expenses are so high! Covering the on-line poker looses.
Very Inciteful!
The mystery of the second office is solved.
Sorry, Losses.
Dawn does have large travel expenses.
She flies to Washington when she needs the president to sign something he hasn’t read.
“The president is happy to endorse this great civic scheme that will change the lives of the people. The president wishes to send his heartfelt congratulations to “DAWN BUTLER” for making this momentous day possible by becoming the first black women senator to “INSTALL A NEW HAND RAIL AT THE DOOR TO THE LIBRARY.”
It is through great achievements such as this that change will take place in THE UNITED KINGDOM.
Constituency surgery? What’s that??
Sarah Teather? You know Dick Timney would if he could.
i think guido is a pretty cool guy. eh polices the blog comments and doesnt afraid of anything.
Please add homophobic comments to your list of No-Nos. Sneering at other peoples’ sexuality, or making scurrilous allegations about their alleged personal behaviour, should have no place on a basically serious political (or anti-political blog). It just puts off those of us who find it distasteful.
‘Ere stop messin abaahht!
Or just close the blog and let deny these fascists a platform?
cant
All humour is at the expense of someone. If you look for offence you will always find it, even in a bowl of shredded wheat.
Inappropriate to what? Unacceptable to whom? Are you a legislator? If no, then do one. If yes, then may you choke on dog pie force-fed through a funnel.
I fucking hate Shredded Wheat
Oh you b*stard, grannies knitted them and that bloke at the desk presucked every one for your personal enjoyment, have some respect.
Wheatist!
Indeed some people would tell jokes on this brave courageous government which is trying to undo the problems caused by Mrs Thatch!
Sir/Madam are you sure this is the right blog for your sensitivities,you do have a few ways of getting around the problem,look and move on to next comment,move to another blog but that would make the commentry sad as well as Guido’s stat pron,you could try and read the blog with a blind fold on but you would miss all the comments or you could open your mind and realise there is life around you and people who have a different mindset than your good self and just enjoy Guido’s headlines and the commentry, yours Rev Fred Smith
What do you not understand by “libel” and “if you get offended easily”?
Notice at Lancaster University.
“If you must be heterosexual please be discreet about it.”
What about standing up for minorities?
Is it coincidental that snails north of Preston do not reproduce by the usual sexual means, but by fucking themselves? Anyone familiar with Lancaster and its University would not think so.
Lancaster University AKA the University of Royston Vasey.
I attended a conference there, unfortunately, and was bombarded at every turn by willful ignorance, insecurity and back-biting – and I was only there for four fucking hours!
Shithole of a place.
Is you black, or homosexual, or both?
anticant, do you like it up the arse?
Since you ask, No! Do you?
Spot the mincer!
Mincer! Mincer! Mincer! (in a childish playground manner)
The fucking Joo are wot’s funding this fucking blog via a blind account on the Isle of fucking Wight, and the fucking Joos are wots launching weekly denial of service attacks on this fucking blog.
New posters please ensure your comments maintain this level of thought provoking analysis, debate, and critique.
I was unaware of this blog until his Lordship, The Prince Regent, Sir Michael White mentioned it on the Daily Politics back in 2005, and really we dont want new people ‘ere, and I am unanimous in that
A couple of points:
1. can/will we be able to delete our own comments as per Blogger?
2. peeples piling their non-related comments onto the back of comment No. 1 is like having two separate threads on the same post and therefore dilutes flow and readability.
Meet me in St Louis Louie!
My own personal troll. I’m flattered.
Guido, doesn’t look like it’s working does it?
Be my be my baby,
Be my little girl
Me too, Swiss, how exciting!
Fancy a threesome?
Not half Bob!
Accountancy seems not to have been your strong point either. Just a mo’ and Guido’s own troll will be along again. Any advance on 3 trolls?
You is all bastards
urgghhhh!!!
a troll orgy, disgusting!
a troll gayfest involving swiss bob rimming tuscan tony while tone jacks off cysco and his boyfriend the filthy peasant.
YUCK!
this is not a gay dating site or virtual cottaging venue.
go elsewhere for that kind of thing.
thankyou.
Hear, hear.
What about Post 1, and any replies A, B, C, etc.
If I reply to someones comment, and check back later, it takes me a week to find it.
W.W.
Ctrl + F is your friend.
As one who is flummoxed by anything not steam-driven – Thanks.
You’re welcome Sir.
Here’s a more complete list then…
Ctrl + F = Find dialogue eg ‘Grumpy’
F3 = Find next instance of ‘Grumpy’ (usualy, in this blog click on the next word, then press F3
Ctrl + A = Highlight all text in an area
Ctrl + C = Copy highlighted text
Ctrl + V = Paste copied text
Alt + Tab = Flip through open pages/programs
Massive time savers, it’s amazing how few people know these
You are my hero and I want to have your baby. Ta everso.
Ta very much.
W.W.
P.S.
Just seen Andy Burnham on C4 News.
Why did he spend so much time in floods of tears when he was in the Treasury??
What a weak, weak minister.
Windows key + D = Takes you to your desktop/hides the porn from your boss.
PS windows key usually lives between Ctrl + Alt.
How is the Telegraph campaign going?
Any suicides yet?
Still waiting for the story about two separately married MPs sharing a hotel room and both claiming. Interesting to see if they want more time with their respective spouses.
Postle
I wonder if it is not so obvious from the claims. We are all assuming that these are heterosexual extra marital relationships…..
Quite so, and still awaiting the Balls’ revelations too.
oh gawd, here we go again – the Balls took out an injunction against the DT, you will NOT see a forensic examination of their troughing in the near future!
May be the answer is just to ignore all politicians? Take them off the media, don’t talk about them, and oh yes, stop paying them. Then we might stand a good chance that they will just go away. No more Brown, Balls, Cooper, Mandy, Purnell, Uddin, Blears, Harman, Beckett, Flint, Jowell, Woodward, Miliband Snr and Mnr, McNulty, Malik, Hoon and, best of all, no more Smith.
That’s the one. No platform for politicians. Particularly Labour-won’t-answer-the-fucking-question-look-what’s-important-here-is-that-I-filibuster-this-entire-interview-with-a-string-of-centrally-crafted-lies-half-truths-patronising-’let-me-finish’-and-fucking-slurs type politicians.
That’s you I’m talking about Brown. Harman. Balls. Straw.
Fuck off out of our lives. In fact, ideally, fuck off out of your own lives too. Just drop fucking dead.
Bastards.
Will this do?
I’ll have you know policy civil servants spend hours crafting these lines along with Inspired PQs, answers for PMQs and the like. Briefing is IMPORTANT. Without it the fuckers may go off and say something totally relevant and we just can’t have that.
And anyway, the reason they repeat the lines to take so religiously is because they don’t know enough about the subject matter to do anything else. I mean – wot do you expect from brainless wankers?
Or on Question Time members of the audience should each be given a basket of free range eggs. If the right honourable members evade the question then….
But Mr Fawkes, does this mean there will be no more pussy pics?
I must have missed those. Link?
Here you go…
http://www.funnycatpix.com/
Don’t tell the uncaffeneited one, He’ll have my head.
Here’s one
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00571/Cartoon_571152s.jpg
Guido, I’m not a newbie (been reading you for quite a while and recommended you to lots of people) so can I just ask if there is a specific place where we can say how totally great we think you are? Or shall I just say so right here (looks like I have
. If you like we can start a Guido’s Groupies Group (for the avoidance of doubt, I am a female).
Sorry, Labour MP’s are banned
Yeah, it was a bit “ingratiating” wasn’t it? LOL. Point taken. But please don’t malign me just so that you can make a joke. Labour MPs SUCK (and not in a nice way).
Guido is Great, from your No. 1 Groupie.
You are Keith Vaz and I claim my £5
Labour MPs may not suck, but some of their Lords certainly do!
Keep calm Cynthia, I’ve sent Ms Des Barres in a cab with some Poudre Parisienne.
I will say on behalf of Guido, Fuck off you prat. Tune into PMQ’s on another medium that you may be able to handle, TV
Are you Guido’s mouthpiece? I only wanted to be complimentary. Sorry for trying.
apology accepted. Not a mouthpiece although do work in the shadows
dark lord,
fuck off retard.
you sound like a wifebeater you c’unt.
receipt, refund, fuck off.
thankyou.
no1 groupie,
you are far too polite. toughen up.
That’s too harsh you anti-harshist.
I comment very rarely if ever, largely put off by the sheer amount of comments on each post
One Idea I have, not sure if it’s even possible but is there anyway you could put a word limit on the posts that go through, like the twitter limit of 140 characters.. Obviously you would give more than that but just a suggestion…
Oh God even Derek Conway’s turning up on here now.
Twitter is for bite sized ex-celebrities and their empty headed “mates”. Send a text message if you can only think in 140 character sized chunks.
Anyone who has a twitter account is a complete loser (that means you too Fawkes & Dale).
Am I banned now?
I’m not saying limit it to 140 characters, obviously comments on a blog require more words. Im just suggesting some sort of way of preventing people posting long comments about whatever subject they happen to have an interest in.
At 1,94, or 6′ 4 1/2″ in old Imperial measures, I can assure you that I am not bite sized.
GREAT STUFF on Comedy Channel
http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=230058&title=peter-schiff
No! No! No!. Nobody saw this coming. This all came out of the blue. Nobody could possibly have known.
Even I, Gordon Brown, self-proclaimed genius and saviour of the global financial system. Even I didn’t see it coming. Who could possibly have immagined that holding interest rates artificially low, flooding the economy with 30bn a year in borrowed money and employing one million bed-wetters, boxtickers and bastards on ludicrous wages instead of the dole which is all the fuckers are fit for would encourage the UK population to go out there and mortgage themselves to the hilt and, for good measure, wind their credit cards to the max too?
It is pure 20:20 hindsight to suggest that a recession was inevitable under those circumstances.
It is simply not credible that anybody could have seen such a thing happening. Besides Greenspan and Bush were doing the same so it’s not my fault. They made me do it. It started in America. Vote Labour.
Too long, not witty enough. You’re banned.
It could be McDoom, He was several million out.
here’s your coffee G
he doesn’t have sugar!
Guido.
Great blog and I thank you for the revelations you have made.
But, I also enjoy reading the comments: The mad; The bad; The off topic; The on topic etc….. Some of the links can be good too.
I appreciate the freedom that you allow in the comments, please don’t change that. It’s the other reason I spend so much time on your site.
I completely disagree with everything Guido has said. By throwing out the nutters you are throwing out the baby with he bathwater. It’s the nutters that make this blog both irritating and enjoyable.
Am I banned yet?
Splitter!
Throwing eggs and denying nutters a voice is not the way forward. Common sense is formed by listening to the extremes and finding the centre ground.
This entire thread is the blogging equivalent of the UAF.
Am I banned yet?
Paradoxically, the sort of person who triee to get himself banned here is precisely the sort of poster Guido wants. It’s a Catch 22 situation.
So no. Crack an egg on your head and deal with it.
334
You speak for yourself! I don’t want to be a member of any club that would have me as a member!
…..is it alright to breathe out now???
No, but I won’t ban you as we might need more window candy later.
Fair point, your blog, do what you like. Personally like the bash the government links and gossip sometimes unrelated to the article particularly when you’re on a bender and breaking news is happening. Without that, think the blog will lose somit special. But fair dos.
Bah, can’t be arsed to read all these comments. I just Digg and comment on that.
guido, at risk of 3 or 4 more readers, thought about adding digg links?
then it would be Digg who had to deal with all the comments…. Just a thought.
Would you like to read the book written by Frank from the Vicar of Dibley, concentrating on the night his local pub ran out of crisps? I can give you the information if you want?
Would this be intellectually more stimulating?
Or is it still better to tell you all what a lying fucking bully Gordon Brown is?
Is this still allowed?
thank God for that!
Aye – Ah’ve survived, an’ arl’ becos’ ar’ control tha’ frek’ra’
and nuthin’s ma’ fult ye un’stan’
[Translation :
It's clear I'm still in charge, in control, - and in yer face! - losers!
This is because I'm a master of control - I'm a control freak.
And because I'm pure, spotless, and blameless, nothing's my fault you understand
Commentary :
Oh dear! - after all that's happened, still a deluded twat ]
Seems a couple of others think they came on Guido’s UFO. Is there an option for linking to your UFO on Friends Reunited?
Oh Bollocks. Now I have to be witty?
“Cunning plan”…..”trousers”……”very own turnip”……will that do? Won’t take long surely for some-one to turn that into a Mandelson gag?
Mandelson and gags, there’s a turnip for the books.
I’ll fetch me coat.
Well said Guido. If people don’t like your rules they can sod off and start their own blog. Can’t say fairer than that.
Hear Hear!
Its Here Here dammit
More totty, please Guido.
I hate Labour.
Good Morning Mr Fawkes,
You recently alluded to being in transit to or from somewhere – the last time you were in transit to or from somewhere we had all sorts of lovely shenanigans with that awful Mr McBride & Dolly “i have found God & he votes Labour” Draper when you returned.
Can we expect some awfully lovely stuff in a similar vain today?
vein
I thought it was a van?
Rouge, blanc ot rose
The D Telegraph is pissing on Brown’s relaunch by exposing Malik’s ongoing expenses cover up. He could clear the whole thing up by telling the taxpayer where the “mystery second office” is and what is of used for. For example does it have a bedroom as well. I think we should be told after all it is being paid for by us poor saps
I do hope so. Crushing Brown’s cabinet on Day One would be just perfect.
Guido, you are the man!!
My gaff, my rules.
Where would we be without rules?
I’ll tell you where…
France.
The only people who obey the rules in France are the Brits.
Name & Shame but then that may excite the likes of Master Baiter, this Hardwidge chap and various other reoccuring weirdo’s.
Cameron has to be on his game today at PMQ’s after a fairly poor show last week.Gorgon will be full of it but Cam & the Cleggster have just got to put the boot in and then rub it in. Who gets next to Gorgon at PMQ’s? Not Woodward this week again surely…Postman & Hattie…
Agree – not sure Dave’s tack today. I reckon after weeks of being told to talk about policies, Dave should attack him on those.
Won’t take very long obviously & then move onto Malik.
As we now have a reformed prime minister I wonder if he will give an honest answer to a question.
I must have missed something. Has the Snot-gobbler been replaced ?
You keep forgetting, brown’s a fully paid up member of the presbytarian party. And his father was a missionary.
It’s not just Cameron who is failing to please. On Today this morning two very nasty things happened:-
- Andrew Lansley talked utter bollox about Tory plans for INCREASED NHS spending which Humphrys rightly scorned (that alone has shifted my vote from ‘certain’ to ‘possible’);
- the loathsome Andy Burnham talked about greater EFFICIENCY from public spending.
Had they got each other’s briefing notes?
Or is Cameron’s idea of what government is for even more confused than Brown’s?
Anyone seen the vid of Vaz on Sky News site?
Hilarious – Dianne Abbott – respect sista!
Daren’t put a link in – Lord Guido (Herr Moderator) might be upset as it also promotes lizards
For example does it have a bedroom as well.
telegraph are teasing
Don’t throw out a single nutter.
Just ejeculate Charles E. Harddickhead.
Has the real Charles Hardwidge ever actually posted her?
Postured numerous times, but I wouldn’t diss him by referring to them as mere “posts”. That is for us oiks.
Posted her where? Posted her what? Who is she? Oh you mean here. Not for about 2 weeks as he has been drowned in impersonators.
Guido, the earlier blog you refer to talks about introducing a system of community rating for blog posts. Is that still on the agenda? I like that idea.
If I were as betting man I would lay good money that The Great Helmsman gets an easy ride from Dangerous Dave today. After all, why not wait till El Gordo brings out his ‘Jackanory Book of Voting Reforms’ and hen be in the twice blessed position to rip the dumb bastard apart as a failure on the economy, on party leadership and on his terminally poor grasp of democratic politics. As a bonus I have no doubt one that of the cabinet robots will also have run over a blind one legged gurkha pensioner by that point!
PS. Can any one give me the address for the Lizard bastard that sold me this doggy UFO?
i was going to state that Brown is a fuckwitt but was not sure how to spell it
fuckwitt
fuckwit
fuckwhit
fuck wit
I am not sure, but anyway maybe Brown should finish constitutional reform of the House of Lords before he starts playing farmy farmy with the house of commons.
I wish Father Brown had purchased young Gordon the the Barbie Pretty Treasure Baking set he really wanted instead of the Action Man german Stormtrooper set
Wittiest string of posts in a long time. Reminds me why I come here. Miss stanislav though.
F*ck me, Guido! No abusing the host! What fun is there left on here?
Except when Mastur Bator or one of the Dolly clones is afoot, of course!
First!
Now we all know what it’s like to be a labour MP.
Can I say this?
Will he be offended?
What will everybody think of me?
Best to say nothing, do nothing, keep still, don’t draw attention to yourself and become a grey puddle of nothingness.
Say what you have to say and understand that somewhere someone knows who you are and where you live and anonymous isn’t.
So be yourself and be proud of it.
Don’t complain when tyrants take away your freedoms. If you won’t fight for them you never deserved to have them in the first place.
hear, hear Guido, about time. The amount of vile things said about me on this Blog is a disgrace. One last time I am no friend of Dorothy.
No friend of fucking anybody
I am told that Robert Peston has been away on holiday and returend yesterday… well done Beeb excellent timing and effectively silenced peston ..
Jeez, Peter Hain REALLY does have ginger-shaded skin.
If you come here from Mars will Prick Griffin let you into his party?
The yolks on him.
.
.
cringe.
That cracked me up!
There are plenty of LibDems to look after people like you, but hang around long enough and you’ll be paid to go back where you came from.
Guido:
Yesterday under your ComRes / Johnson Hung Poll post, the following appeared:-
Malarky says:
June 9, 2009 at 3:47 pm
Shahid Malik deserves to come back into the government. He is the future. See why here:
…………with a link to a YouTube video of Malik addressing an adoring throng.
If you are considering granting Mr Malik the honour of a post (one must be due, given his special position), PLEASE incorporate that video. In it, from his own mouth he condemns himself as vainglorious, deluded and bonkers. (He must fit in well with Team GB.)
Perhaps even more worryingly in a government minister, he appears to see his job in parliament as representing his co-religionists, not his constituents.
Time to blow the little twerp out of the water? Come on, you know you’d enjoy it………
(Thanks, Malarky, for the link. Most instructive.)
You are a hard man!
Keep up the good work. Uhm … I wonder if this post will stay.
“If you want to libel someone – get your own blog.”
Just like Guido
Well done Fawkes, you have turned your blog into a sycophants fuckfest.
And when was the last time you posted a witty comment?
Am I banned yet?
FFS what do you have to do get get moderated or banned these days?
Let’s try this:
Give someone an audience of more than twenty people and they turn into a lazy egotisitical preening tyrant within days.
NEVER GIVE IN TO TYRANTS.
Am I banned yet?
I’m bored. I am off to Iain Dales Blog.
It’s not remotely witty, it’s not cutting edge, the gaily decorated tablecloths suck, but at least he doesn’t move the goalposts when you are ten nil up.
335Am I banned yet? says:
“I’m bored. I am off to Iain Dales Blog.
It’s not remotely witty, it’s not cutting edge, the gaily decorated tablecloths suck, but at least he doesn’t move the goalposts when you are ten nil up.”
How the f*ck else would you expect the tablecloths to be decorated, or perform, on Mrs Dale’s blog?
Thank you for going.
We may be loons but at least we are not pretending to “govern” the country like those other loons in Labour!
Give ‘em hell, Guido.
What the fuck has happened to the comments on here? I want to hear about The One Eyed Scot filling his nappy not this bollocks
The clean-up operation is in progress
You are really Gordon Brown and I demand my £5
Go for it Guido.
Ampers
Guido,
A relaunch
New rules to suppress freedom of speech
Unelected ruling class
Thought control
Oh fuck….you are really Gordon Brown aren’t you?
Here is a possible solution to spill-over chat:
http://groups.google.co.uk/group/guy-fawkes
I hope that GF approves of this, as if not I will delete it.
Good, but you need to find a blog that doesn’t require login.
That does not!
Cameron was useless today at PMQ
Cheer up chaps tractor prodution is up, but that is reason for complacency, Iheard it on the Beeb news.
F me.
Gordons just said Lords reform on 80-100% elected house will be set out before their summer hols.
You only ever used me as window dressing anyway Guido…..
Did you use to work at Harrods?
New Girl, I thought you were Guido’s No. 1 Groupie, no?
nah, he’s mine, aren’t you Guido?
Sorry NG but your style gives you away,
. All’s fair in love and war.
Hmm I don’t really do groupie, you welcome to promote yourself to number 1
So I can promote myself on your say-so No.1, thanks.
Nice to see you’re only a two man woman.
dunno what you are on about
swallow & summer???
Which one of you two swallows?
you wouldn’t understand
which two men woman am I anyway?
Long time no see, where you bin?
Hi Misog, nowhere good….just drowning, not waving…! You ok?
Sampled your UK weather for the last couple of days,ugh! Glad to be back in the sun.
Cheer yourself up by watching young Willie with his dissolution of Parliament speech. It’s on the Naked Picnic thread, by Swiss Bob No 402
Brilliant.
yeah, and you were scaring away the customers you old trout.
Hi TWaT, please go away in short jerky movements you knobhead.
no names gossip and tittle-tattle lovers, but I hear a few prominent members of the shadow cabinet enjoy a bit of uphill gardening yet like brown are “happily married”.
they are said to love the taste of coke, sorry cock.
mandlebum knows all their names but only because he too has enjoyed their snouts in his trough. all those butch private schoolboys ? I’m afraid so ducky.
No surprises there. Homosexuals are hugely overrepresented in politics. Give us a clue though.
What happened to the plans for readers to be able to rate up or rate down other posters comments? Bit like the Daily Mail comments can be rated.
Think at the start of this year that was a stated plan for this blog roll.
This would solve a lot of Window Licker comments, as I assume they would get voted down.
Low rated/negative rated comments could be filtered out by readers if they wanted etc…
Don’t be daft – the nutters would relish being voted down!
Is no corner of ‘special’ interest not subject to the scrutiny of the liberal consensus and the nanny state?
Whoa – double negatives! That’s way beyond the comprehension of most of us nutters here!
Try the Grauniad!
At another site I frequent (slashdot.org, a very big technology site) they have a self-moderation system whereby comments can be rated up or down (with reasons) by registered users. Viewers can choose at what ‘score’ they view the replies.
This means that when you have a post with 1,000 replies you can read only the top 50 or 100 if you so desire, or choose to read the other 900 trolls, advertisers, offtopic posts and other Charles Hardwidges and Master Baiters.
Once your replies get a good average score, you gain ‘karma’ and your future replies start with a higher score.
Guido, see http://slashdot.org/faq/com-mod.shtml#cm510 if you think that would work here – it seems to work well there and they get tens of thousands of posts a day, with a million and a half registered users
Agreed – Slashdot moderation system is good. All the comments have a category as well as a rating, so your comment might be +4 insightful, +3 funny, -1 offtopic or -3 troll.
If you choose to participate in the rating/moderation you’re not allowed to post in the same thread, and you’re only allowed a limited number of up/down votes.
Take a look Guido, elements of this would work on here, if not all of it
However the site has been a personal playground of fanbois and any comment critical of the purveyors of over-hyped, over-priced, and under-hardwared junk from Cupertino either gets modded -1 or not posted in the first place.
CowboyNeal 410, does every site not have their fair share of people like that?
The Slashdot crowd don’t like much critial comment about Apple, the crowd here are pretty much the same with the Tories.
Guido needs to do something to cut down the dross here. He took one day off being here yesterday and all hell broke loose – either a technical solution is needed, or Guido needs to employ more moderators.
What started off as a bit of a hobby has become a full time job.
This site has got more and more popular over the past few months, one of the downsides of this is the reduction in the signal-to-noise ratio in the comments
Guido – keep up the good work though, got any gossip yet on any of the new Ministers??
It would be a shame to effectively filter out the special needs posting by Charles E Hardwidge, Master Baiter, Harman Pride etc. They give me (and others) a laugh every day if nothing else.
God yes. Guido, you need to nurture Charlie, MB, and Hormone. Their entertainment value is immense. I’m surprised they haven’t demanded a click-through fee from you.
The idea is to let you as the reader choose whether or not you want to wade through al the crap or not.
People who want to read only the informative or insightful posts here don’t have that choice at the moment. Guido suggested he was looking at some form of comment rating system to help out and make the blog more readable for the average man.
As an example, try looking for the name of a person in a Youtube video, or the for name of a song used, from the video comments. It’s almost certainly in there, but among millions of people swearing at each other offtopic.
Agreed! I don’t want to have to go to Labour List everytime I want the Zen master’s prophetic ramblings.
Also, LL won’t let me call him a spunk skip in my witty rejoinders.
A rating system would be great especially if you can view them in reverse order as well.
Phew, Guido makes no mention of banning titties, totty or group wanking in the members gallery, at least ….for now!
Eh up lad! Ya need ta chill out like man! Me and Gordon are gonna sort this whooooole mess out.
H’way tha lads!
Geordies, smog monsters(Middlesborough/Darlo’), maccams (Sunderland) – do not say Eh up lad. That phrase is the preserve of Yorkshire folk like Paxo and Clarkson and Rigg.
I thought Kevin lived in Kingston…
I saw Kevin Maguire on College Green recently. He was dressed very sharply in what could well have been a Savile Row suit. If he were to stroll the streets of Gateshead he would probably be jeered at as a toff. Another champagne socialist.
Maguire often seen looking for badgers on Clapham Common, usually well dressed it must be said
so you must get up there a fair bit aswell by the sounds of it.
you are creepy.
Hi, I’m a newbee
Hi, I’m Keith Chegwin
Can I mention newts, really big ones?
No, it’s lizards we ‘re interested in, all sizes, 383.
Whow
Nu Labour are going to appoint me as Speaker
I’m Margaret B and when MPs see me with the Speaker’s wig and my beautiful face
They will all run away…
I’m the secret weapon
And you will see Piggie Bryant fleeing the Chamber in fright
With his Y fronts on his head…
Yer…
Beats Bercow with the ladder…
No horror charisma that bercow like Margaret..
I say bring back all the Golden Oldies
Failed and corrupt loonies
Open up that Fees Office as well
So we can go on stealing…
Until Plod arrives I mean…
Get in the queue behind me, you pleb
Fucking lizards
12 foot or regular?
I prefer 12 inch myself, throbbing meat, that Gordon is hottttt!
Well said Sir!!
Personally I likes lots of tittle and even a little tattle now and again. I look forward expectantly to the big un that is shared by all too so long may you continue to tickle, tackle, shackle and expose the debackle (I know it’s spelt wrong) of the shoddy labour Goverment
Have you noticed how if you ASSIGN a number to each letter of the words ‘Guido Fawkes’ based on its order in the Hebrew alphabet, DIVIDE it by the total from the same calculation in ‘Osama bin Laden’, added to the square root OF all the numbers that appear in the Old Testament plus the first chapter of the DaVinci Code you come out with 911.2 19538520? Or 9/11 x 2 (buildings) + the code for the word ‘SECRET’????!!!!!
WE NEED TO BE TOLD!!!!!!
also its TIME zaNUlabORE PLC did something about the railways. There disgusting.
No smiley regime either
So does this tough new regime explain why my comment on the naked picnic blog has been awaiting moderation for over an hour?
Hain is the new Hoon…
Guido. I’m beginning to sober up. Is it all right if I still post?
“If you want to complain about Jews, blacks, lizards, little green men in your head etc. Get your own blog.”
Well, if we can’t complain about Jews can we slag off Muslims instead ?
Only if you never travel by tube.
Excellent !
One bunch of evil, hook-nosed, bearded semites (who want to do terrible things to white women) is as good as another.
Right then *cracks knuckles* I suppose the PC brigade won’t let us force them to wear yellow stars, but we should at least strip them of their bhurkas.
Who’s with me ?
fuck you. we’ll do whar we want loser. how are your bonds? ha
Feels like I’ve been given six of the nest from the headmaster. They were the good lod days eh!
Feels like I’ve been given six of the best from the headmaster Guido!. They were the good old days eh!
Well, b*gger, me. Now I understand what this Blog is for.
Think I should revert to sending whingeing letters to Simon Heffer at the Torygraph.
Is it still OK for me to ‘entertain’ you all with my sexual exploits (over the bonnet opf a spitfire) that may have happened with the delightful & ample breasted Mrs Dolly???
Good rules GF. But could I sued for libel if for example, I said that all Labour party members from PM to lowest activist are a bunch of traitorous, thieving, criminal, incompetent and cowardly scum – or would that be slander? I am not very up on all this legal malarkey? I do submit accurate expenses though, since to do otherwise would not be acting within the rules and I’d end up in big trouble.
So you won’t be wanting to know about a certain reptile politician who I can prove came to earth 6000 years ago in a UFO, which has a base on the far side of the moon, is financed by a jewish cabal and carried out the 9/11 attacks with a giant raygun? It’s true, gov, honest.
Garyglitterati or Illuminati? We need to know.
Can I post here? I am not indigenous.
Indigenous, violet or blue-it matters not.
indigenous to where, you fuckwit
Sorry, my mistake, I should have said endogenous.
The Telegraph has not given us any revelations concerning the golden couple- Ed Balls and Yvette Cooper. There must be lots to expose with these seedy double dippers. Can rumours of an injunction possibly be true ? I and my courtiers would like to know.
Funnily enough, I was checking the Wikipedia entry for Anthony Steen earlier today (doing some research) and I tried to click on a link to a Telegraph story about him claiming £87k in expenses for his garden. I got an Error 404 page straight away, and it’s not the first time it’s happened. Something’s going on…
newt mafia
Yes. It was probably a Telegraph error. The real figure was £87.50p.
The perfect storm has passed.
Maybe the Telegraph would be better waiting for official publication. They could then assist the public by filling in the redactions.
As for an injunction, I doubt even Mandelson would seek this form of relief.
Am I the only one missing Geoff Hoon? Could just be that the telescopic sight is set for vertically challenged pond life from Salford. Off now to buy a watermelon for practice.
He’s on a tour of his houses, before boarding the European gravy train.
Hoon befouled my path home to Waterloo on Tuesday night.
The following comment has been deleted by Guido Fawkes, on the grounds that it was a long essay that talked about Jews plotting to take over the planet Mars whilst libelling numerous lizards in the process.
It was them that went to war with the Fatherland in 1933 first dontchaknow – the lizar-ds that is.
As an American, a Republican, and a conservative who believes that almost all, if not all, of our politicians have lost sight of their purpose, I now look forward to reading your blog every day. Please do not let the extraneous commenting interfere with your aims and intents for the blog. Delete them all or turn off comments, if that is needed to keep the blog going as you intend.
You lot started all this.
just wondering, why are your co-conspirator t-shirts priced in $ rather than £?
This whole thread is redundant as nobody READS other people’s comments! I mean to scroll down *489* posts and read what some loser posted on some waster’s blog!
Nobody is *that* anal surely…
Noooobody?
Get a life man! !
Lets make a pact… I’ll try too…
Spoiling the experience for the old-stagers, eh? Ah, well, it was fun (somewhat) while it lasted. ‘Bye.
Guido,
Can we have an enquiry please on the astonishing 37% of votes cast in favour of the Stalin/McMafia faction in Leicester during the recent EU election?
They can’t all be called Hardwidge or Baiter.
There are several places I like to visit on the Interwebnetthingy. And this is one of them.
It is clear a very influential resource. How so? The fact that it is targeted by Rabid Rebuttall Squad members so fiercely. If it wasn’t important, they’d not come in force, as they do.
‘This is not a public service.’ Wrong.
By seeking your own entertainment you inadvertently entertain others, and provide exactly what you deny, Guido.
The current expenses-gate tilt of British politics is all your fault. You blew up the current Parliament and succeeded where the earlier Guido failed. Your gunpowder, the accessibility of the internet, has proved the more capable of destruction of the complacency of politicians. The world will never be the same.
What does Guido’s ring piece taste of Tapestry?
My guess is BBQ flavour Hula Hoops.
Who am I to criticise though? I’m reading at 517 comment long thread at 2 am.
Window Lickers all.
Siberian Tory,
I give credit where it is due. And I kick his ass equally when he deserves that, you may have noticed, as with his attack on Daniel Kawcynski. Sorry there’s never time for a lick to go wth the kick. Nor had it occurred to me to attempt one. Since you are the one to think of the idea, I suggest you find out the taste for yourself. Do let us know what you find.
I need that Tittle Tattle fix, Guido!
George Osborne for speaker (he can bring his own stockings).
[...] Don’t like it here – fuck off! [...]
Widders is coming off the bench to stand as temp speaker. Good for a laugh, but will she win the race?
Strike a tone…
A A A A A
hmm, not quite right, how about
A# A# A# A# A#
I think that thought should be left
Anyway
I come here expecting a nice serious level of tittle tattle and nonsense.
All these joyous infusions of boorish learnednessiousness, well I don’t read them because quite frankly I don’t care.
And the riff-raff inspired, bad boy words typed out on the old KB… if that excites their authors, well one remembers the old saying about anonymous monkey boys putting their toes in the water, and then one’s mind flits… in hope of more wit on the next comment.
Now bring on the dancing girls.
Lay off the fucking musical notation, pal.
We’re all too drunk to be impressed on here.
Labour MPs are the only people not tempted out of their heathen ways by the bacon butty
oops wrong thread
That worked!
Nawww,
you are of course right Guido, it’s your ball, your rules.
But you are also wrong.
You have to continually adapt or fail, just like the rest of us. You moved the goalposts and have inherited a mighty power. The world changed.
You forget there is now a war on.
Whilst you may choose to expose the criminals with wit, humour and alcohol, it will take the footsoldiers to remove them.
So you can just bloody tolerate us.
Just split your screen in half, or open a little box in the corner for those who want to take it seriously while they enjoy your main efforts.
… or don’t, I suppose.
Guido
You are avictim of your own success!
Everyone has something important to say about the disgusting current situation, and your site seems to be a friendly vehicle for their views.