May 22nd, 2009

Guido is Unwell

The good weather has made Guido unwell.  It was because of the sunshine that Guido drunk a couple of jugs of Pimms.  Which led to a few beers, which led to a sip of Jack Daniels which possibly led to a Baileys. It was a bit fuzzy by this point.  This was in the evening, lunchtime had already seen a few bottles polished off in remembrance of Lord Rennard.  Mostly the weather is to blame.

Meantime enjoy Jon Stewart’s take on Scamalot:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart M – Th 11p / 10c
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  1. 1
    Mandingo says:

    Poor guido

    Can you ask Daily Telegraph (with your contacts) to do full disclosure

    of Speaker Martins expense claims…

    some labour folk think he a scape goat…. lol


    • 4
      Mandingo says:

      would make nice read on sunday…

      just how much did he claim over and above whats reasonable..

      if 0 he a scapegoat as they say

      if £300,000 + he aint


    • 5

      It’s not the bank holiday weekend yet!!


      • 39
        Chris says:

        No but it might be the Blank Holiday weekend for Guido if he is still ill !

        Get well soon Guido.


      • 103
        Jan says:

        You weren’t by any chance in one of the 19 HOC bars and restaurants were you Guido? Apparently the House of Commons Refreshment Dept is there to serve 659 members (the HOONS) ,1000 permanent staff (what’s wrong with luncheon vouchers?)…wait for it… 8000 PASSHOLDERS (who the f…ck are they?) and members (HOONS) guests.


      • 216
        Tom Cruise says:

        Sounds like you’ve had that new cocktail called the “McBrideicide”

        Splash of Pimms, for the high society image (class cannot be bought)mixed with back to roots a pint of beer (Brown Ale) a dash of “I’m alright Jack” Daniels washed down by shot of “Old” Bailey(s)

        It could have been worse, you could have had a “List as a fart” a smear of Lard, Red Bull(no shit) Dolly mixtures, Media Whorelicks and 17 other important ingreedience. Sucked through a red rag.


    • 26
      Susie says:

      Oh yes, and could you ask the Telegraph if there are any records of Tory and LibDem MPs being offered ‘extended’ mortgage arrangements on their second homes by the Fees Office?

      I’m sure everyone would like to be reassured that public money was distributed, albeit illegally, but to all parties in an even-handed manner.


    • 27
      Fred Goodwin's undersea Goose Mansion says:

      Yup Oliver and Stewart were on top form and as expected the Moat was the hilarious headline grabber. I eagerly await their take on the Duck House!
      That would be solid Gold.


      • 247
        Dr Nuts says:

        I watched that last night – and it was definitely on form.

        ’tis almost as funny as Have I Got News For You.


    • 106
      Anonymous says:

      I have the solution to this problem what should happen is that full powers should be given to the scottish and welsh parliaments and their mps no longer sitting in the commons we will save a fortune.


      • 154
        Jan says:

        Whilst we are on the subject,send back all those Celts with English accents and no more Celts sitting in English seats.There are a disproportionate amount of them sitting in the HOC.
        Get rid of Ryan,Keen,McNulty,Gibson,,Moran,the list is endless.Also Celts in charge of quangos,local government departments,trades unions.I mean every time you turn on the tv there is some Celt moaning about this that or the other.They have infiltrated the great English institutions.yet still they complain about the English. As for the f….g Stuarts,they came steaming down with their nasty ways,(having taken over from the Welsh) caused a civil war,planted themselves in Ireland (and the English are still blamed for this). You ask any Irish working class person living in England,they will vote for ANY Labour candidate because Labour are nearly 100% Celtic.The Labour party play on this. Our Celt-in-chief McBroon is a seething mass of hatred,.His inferiority complex has its own inferiority complex.When the Scots were near bankrupt in 1707 they turned to the English to bail them out.You see they are greedy b…..ds.The Scots hate the English,always have, always will.As do the boyos from the valleys.


      • 215
        Crazy Daisy says:

        Pair of Xenophobic tw@ts, I dislike Broon as much as the English do and support giving us full control of our Parliament and fiscal control and Independence – you’ll be happier we’ll be happier and the Uk will be no more – Saor Alba.

        Crazy D


      • 217
        Crazy Daisy says:

        And we will save a fortune by raising and spending taxes on what Scotland wants and needs not Westmidden.


      • 233
        Jan says:

        Crazt Daisy please calm down. XENOPHOBIA is ‘dislike or fear of that which is unknown or different from oneself’. So I am fearful of myself am I?Don’t think so….My point is that I think the English have been very calm up until now about their country being shafted by the Celts.I have a long line of both Scots and Irish ancestors and I am proud of them.However when we settled in England we integrated into the society completely.Unlike other Celts who insist on mixing only with each other and taking the English for a ride.Trades union leaders except for that idiot Bob Crow all appear to be Celts and look at the trouble they have caused.They all pay themselves huge amounts of dosh living in fabulous houses whilst their members are on the breadline . As for the Scottish takeover both at parliament and the monarchy.We have absolute ass….les appointed as ministers only because they were born north of the border. As for the Stuarts and 1707, that is fact. You have ruined England.The sooner you leave the better.


      • 240
        Crazy Daisy says:


        May I correct you “we” have ruined the World and the ruination of England is down to her own greed and foreign policy, seen it first hand working for UK plc and the FCO/DFID corrupt and clealry ineffective despite what they’d say in their own defence.

        I dislike shop stewards immensely and more recently we have seen how corrupt “my colleague” types truly are! Thanks for the faux history lesson and proclaiming to being “proud of where you’ve come from”, spare me the fake hat tip to “my” ancestors.

        We’re in the here and now, England and Scotland go their seperate ways, we’ll both be happier. Anway, devolution is a process and soon we will be Independent, Celt Ancestry or not.

        Saor Alba

        Crazy D


    • 112
      Archie MacPherson says:

      Martin’s blocking of FOI requests since 2005 alone ought to be enough. Each time he did it it cost hundreds of thousands to the taxpayer. Even he legal team told him that he would lose–and this after about the third court appearance. He then went and got another lawyer and lost again. In a recent interview for a US audience, Heather Brooke estimated that he had wasted the equivalent of “one million dollars.”


    • 114
      papasmurf says:

      Piss artist!!!!!!!!! But then again it is a time of celebration and we have all been there. Might have had a couple myself last night. A special Common Brew made from distilled muddy waters from the pond. Comes out a weird colour but is reminiscent of glorious summer days strolling through the wooded copses.


    • 156
      freddie flintoff says:

      o/t anyone here the about me and a pedlo


    • 246
      Rapacious says:

      Where’s my pro rata refund


  2. 2
    Old Gregg says:

    D’ya like Bailey’s?


  3. 3
    Anonymous says:

    Sorry to hear that Guido – well actually no I’m not – serves ya right ya pi$$heed.

    Can we have a trough game please?

    I can’t believe no-one has released a “Troughing” game yet a la FatCat Cashback.

    I’m sure you’ve all played it:

    Was thinking of a space invaders type thing but instead of something firing missiles, you’d have a pig firing something.

    Complete with “oink” and squealing noises.

    The prizes you would “shoot” at would be typical trough fodder, but in order of value – as an example.

    Level 1: tampons, food mixer, bog seat, food items

    Level 2: Sofas, Plasma TV’s Dining tables, Duck Houses

    Level 3: Council tax bills, Home cinema systems, moat cleaning

    Level 4: Capital Gains Tax relief, home flipping, Social housing

    Level 5: Become an MEP

    Level 6: Get a peerage

    Come on, there must be something out there???

    If not and you have the technical skills, you could become very very famous by writing this.

    If you work in the civil service just throw a couple of sickies. It’s no different than those robbing MP b*ggers and you get the kudos.

    Please please please!


    • 30
      Backwoodsman says:

      No , it clearly needs to be a game where you have to match the expense item to the MP, with higher points scored for the more improbable the link. For example, male labour mp claiming tampons and girly kit, or labour Luton mp claiming dry rot on southampton property, obviously scores more that a rural Tory claiming for a duck house.
      Good to see the curse of tony banks has claimed yet another hypocritical ,sanctimonious victim , ladies and gentlemen, I give you ian gibson.


    • 132
      M.T.BUCKET says:

      Ask hardwidge, he is supposed to excell at that type of thing.


      • 194
        Winston Smith says:

        “supposed to”


      • 199
        Charles Hardwidge says:

        MR Hardwidge to you, and yes, I am a genius. My new game, “Dredge Yer Moat So I Can Keep Me Ducks Upon’t”, is being released even as I write.


    • 138
      Anonymous says:

      While we’re waiting, – can I have the tampons please? – I’ve run out – silly bugger!


  4. 6
    Technomist says:

    Good for you, Guido. You deserve a decent post-celebratory hangover.


    • 31
      Anonymous says:

      Nobody tell Guido that “class act” Steen and “Tory Tigress” Dorries have made themselves and the Tory Party look like stupendous twats and piggish troughers.
      I fear a return to the refreshment would not be far behind.


      • 43
        Right-wing social engineer says:

        Both of these people need to be made to vanish.


      • 61
        A fossil says:

        He’ll have missed too Portillo saying the houses of parliment should be reduced to about 400. And tebbit being subtlely critical of Cameron.


      • 65
        Democracy for all says:

        If that’s what Portillo said then he’s wrong.
        The Houses of Parliarment need to be reduced to rubble.


      • 124
        Ian E says:

        So Dorine thinks an MP might commit suicide! My heart bleeds for their relatives, but the worlkd as a whole will be a better place getting rid of thos who have troughed so badly that that is the only way out for them. Let’s just hope it includes Margaret Moron and Nadine Worries!


      • 251
        Dr Nuts says:

        However bad it is – they should not be allowed to commit suicide. Simply so we can put them through the court system, find them guilty and then hang ‘em.

        Suicide is their deliberately avoiding execution of justice, justice comprises noose and lamp – akin to Mussolini… Italians know how to do it… how come we don’t?


      • 275
  5. 7
    Gizmo says:

    Watch that liver Guido.


  6. 8
    anticant says:

    Guido is Jeffrey Barnard reincarnated and I claim my £5.


    • 38
      Ian says:

      Geoffrey Bernard drank so much that he had to have his leg amutated. Guido do not get into that territory!


      • 171
        Harry Va Derci says:

        Hence the phrase “I was legless in the morning”

        (I’ll get my coat”


      • 197
        The Beast of Clerkenwell says:

        Guido is already legless


      • 201
        Turk Thirst says:

        Get that man a trolley and a pair of gauntlets.


      • 276
        Samantha says:

        Jeffrey was never legless – metaphorically speaking – til mid afternoon, and not usually until around 6pm. He was great company between about 12 noon and 4.30….
        He wrote some of his first Speccy columns on my old portable typewriter – he was an early riser LOL

        Agree that Guido has much to celebrate –
        hope you’ve recovered now, but you deserved to let your hair down


    • 101
      BOF2BS says:

      Good weather! – You could drive a Coach & Horses through that excuse!


  7. 9
    chris g says:

    Good man. Get in there.

    Those MPs could probably do with some Dutch courgae before they face the music this weekend. Some quiet contemplation in the garden might be their tonic for reflection….


  8. 10
    Throbber says:

    Surely its not the fault of the weather….. its the system thats to blame.


  9. 10
    Plato says:

    So long as you didn’t film yourself on your mobile – I think you’re in the clear :)


  10. 12
    Thats News says:

    Oh, you poor soul! Take whatever cures work best for you (a friend of mine swears by greasy bacon sandwiches) and take care of yourself.

    And in the meantime
    we must doff our hats to Gordon Brown. After all, he has done what Napoleon and Hitler were never able to do. Gordon Brown has been able to destroy 300 years of tradition and parliamentary democracy.


    • 135
      School for Scoundrels says:

      Mmm a bacon sandwich, with a runny egg. That will sort it out.
      Anyway self inflicted injury, that man. No sympathy, Back to work – that’s the thing.


  11. 13
    Culloden says:

    Better to be on the lash than to lose the whip.


    • 93
      Anonymous says:

      Why are you quoting the motto of the Westminster S&M Club (sorry – Old Etonian Association)?


  12. 14
    boulay says:

    it started in a-merry-jar


  13. 16
    nell says:

    Sorry you’re poorly. Hair of the Dog perhaps..


  14. 18
    It doesn't add up... says:

    THE Miliband tendency on Radio 4 (talking about relations with the Muslim world):

    “There is a new page being turned in the US. This is a problem that all of the Western countries need to address.”

    How to win friends and influence people?


    • 81
      Moley says:

      If a group of people repeatedly make it clear that they wish to kill you, how do you address that problem?

      The first thing you do is to make it their problem too.

      And you don’t give in, you treat them exactly the way they treat you.

      You match aggression with aggression, discrimination with discrimination, bias with bias, intolerance with intolerance.

      And you stand up for your own people Mr Miliband.


      • 160
        Master Baiter says:

        Ummm, they tried that in Iraq and it’s ended up in the control of Iran.

        They’re not having much better luck in Afghanistan.

        How about finding out why they want to kill you?


      • 167
        M.T.BUCKET says:

        Do unto others as they would do unto you.

        Only do it first.


      • 169
        Democrat says:

        “How about finding out why they want to kill you?”

        Why would you want to do that when you can have computer-gaming jarheads at the other end of a pilotless drone doing the work for you!

        Pilotless drones – wasn’t there a certain nazi party that used those some years ago…

        ..and don’t forget to Free the English


      • 220
        Moley says:

        I understand the problem is that I do not have the same religion as them.


      • 226
        Wild Willie says:

        “Do unto others as they would do unto you…..But do it first !”

        He who dares, wins.


      • 254
        Milibanana - what a bunch says:


        But a message Bananaband is INCAPABLE of absorbing, programmed as he and his loony lefty McComrades are to inclusiveness and multi culti coddies.

        Milibanana — all that is bad about McLiebour


  15. 19
    A fossil says:

    When you were pissed did you say anything as stupid as this:


    • 68
      Anonymous says:

      Was he in a conversation with Udders?


    • 71
      Anonymous says:



    • 99
      shellingout says:

      Strange how so many of these MP’s have trouble pronouncing their “R’s”.


    • 134
      papasmurf says:

      “If I was more clever”……………. sounds like he should have been deselected in any event…don’t want thicko’s representing one does one.


    • 175
      Steve says:

      Cnut of the day award for that interview


    • 202
      Lofa on the sofa says:

      ‘What right do the public have to interfere in my private life?’

      If I’m paying for your public life only, then none. When I’m paying for your private life as well, then every right!

      It clearly states in the green book that your expenses should be for items wholly needed for the furtherance of your duties as an MP. What, exactly, were you unable to do as an MP if you garden wasn’t maintained by others?

      Just off to cut my own lawn, outside my small house, with a lawn mower I bought with the money I earned and payed tax on. And then paid tax on the purchase.

      ‘If I’d been cleverer’ so your only regret is that you got caught, not that you stole from the mug taxpayer, that’s what they’re there for, eh?


      • 265
        Dr Nuts says:

        Why doesn’t Esther Rantzen stand against him? After all, they’re both rich and prefer that nobody involves themselves in their private lives!

        But doesn’t he actually live in his constituency – and where does she live?

        I’m certain it’s not Luton South – or even Luton!
        Why does Luton need another MP who’s part-time?


  16. 20
    The big D says:

    Self inflicted, but deservedly so.

    You ploughed a lonely furrow for quite a while, but now your views on British politicians have become more widely shared everyone should raise a glass to you.

    Here we are, standing around moaning how bad expense gate is and how a general election is needed.

    Right thing to ask for, wrong reason.

    The UK economy is accelerating down the sewers. Standard & Poors downgrade yesterday has been called ” a shot across the bows” or “very unlikely to happen”.

    I wish it were so.

    If the British Taxpayer had given away £2 million a day since Jesus was born, it would have cost less than the debt that Brown has stacked up.

    Oil prices are rising. Oil is priced in US dollars and the pound has dropped against the dollar by, how much was that again? Oh yes 30%.

    Government spending must be slashed. As the pound heads downwards, the cost of servicing the debt will rise until there will not be any money available to pay for government services.

    I remember the last government that contained a G.Brown had to sack doctors and nurses after the IMF came calling. Is every politician keeping quiet on this one because expense gate is such a good diversion?

    If this is Gordon Brown’s scorched earth policy, he is playing a blinder (no pun intended).


  17. 21
    Olly boy says:

    You bloody pisshead Guido, sort yourself out!


    • 115
      Jan says:

      You weren’t drinking Cork Dry Gin were you Guido? I must say it’s pretty lethal stuff.


  18. 22
  19. 23
    Dalesman says:

    As long as it was within the rules…..


  20. 42
    Jon says:

    This is no time to be self-indulgent Guido, we must keep up the pressure for an immediate election to clear out all these greedy, thieving hoons asap.

    Meanwhile, after Peter Luff MP was feebly making excuses for his greed last night, and Anthony Steen was accusing us of jealousy, Nadine Dorries is coming on Radio 5 soon to whinge about Macarthyite witch hunts and blubbing in self pity.

    That’s thousands more votes lost for the Tories.

    This is scandalous…..


    • 45
      Jon says:

      Dorries has already been whining on radio 4 today. They just don’t get it do they!!


      • 118
        Archie MacPherson says:

        At best Nadine Dorries makes a false analogy. McCarthy’s witchhunts were largely scaremongering and, in fact, had very little substance. He, Martin Dies, and others, simply made a lot of it up. In contrast, there is extensive evidence to conclude that many MP’s have cheated the taxpayer, that they have shown nothing but scorn and contempt for the people of this country, and now, that they don’t care. Any interviewer worth his/her salt would not have allowed this false, heinous and misleading analogy. Despite Iain Dale’s desperate attempts to deny it, Ms Dorries herself has some very difficult questions to answer.


      • 133
        artboyusa says:

        Correct! They so don’t get it and they so want us to forget about it. Hague on QT last night was pathetic. Should Goebbels Mick get a peerage? was the question. Well, it all depends…was Hague’s evasion. Goebbels isn’t a bad man chimes in another panel stooge. Oh really? I’d suggest we’ve seen rather a lot of evidence to the contrary lately. They still want to play their little games, they think we’ll lose interest and they think that in a little while thjey can just go back to the good old ways. Well, screw that and screw them – it ain’t gonna happen. There’s no going back from this.


      • 142
        TheSpanishInquisition says:

        Nadine Dorries ……..McCarthy’s witchhunts

        Oh………not the comfy chair.


    • 48
      Anonymous says:

      Dorries was whining on radio 4 earlier. They just don’t get it, do they!!


  21. 46
    ex-soldier says:

    Saw this last night – thought it was fabulous, especially “correspondent exits to thunderous applause”


  22. 50
    Andy Carpark says:

    I came off the piss five years ago after I had become so fat I could barely move and am content with the decision.

    Futile to preach about this subject but you might want to consider it at some stage. It worked for Richard Ingrams.

    Alternatively, think of the chiii- [some text abbreviated] -iiiildren.


  23. 52
    VotR says:

    Get well soon, Guido. An Alka-Seltzer or two might be advisable.

    I see Blears council managed to stay Labour, but since the Greater Manchester area is a Labour stronghold, there’s no surprise there.

    But the North West used to be a jewel of England during the Commonwealth Gamers period, now it’s a crock of shit thanks to the recession, the weakening pound, lack of jobs, overspending, fraudulent use of public funds, the North / South divide which has always been present with it being even more so now, and corruption.

    I hope the North West voters take that into account when considering who to vote for in early June, the 3 main parties won’t be the only choice, after all.


    • 59
      Anonymous says:

      The growing muslim/immigrant vote in that part of Salford helped Labour win the council by-election. It’s third world style vote rigging.


      • 83
        VotR says:

        At least Blears can get a great curry.

        I see civil war looming at this rate, in a very British way.

        Ladies and gentleman, Positive Discrimination at work. It will lead to negative discrimination by the far right who will feel justified in their response, and many will buy into it.

        And those who have centre political beliefs will be caught in the middle and suffer because of these conflicts.

        Time to vote for a completely new party, I believe, and even if it doesn’t achieve much, it will still be a protest vote. And not necessarily in favour of the far left or far right. You’ll just have to make up your own damned mind’s once arguments for the case have been carried across.


      • 168
        Third Whirler says:

        Insulting bastard!

        Wod’ya mean Third World ‘style’?

        This is Grade A Third World mate


      • 267
        Dr Nuts says:

        Sounds more American style vote rigging to me…

        Remember Florida and 2001… the Black Block vote was refused registration and here, they’re used to vote Labour.


    • 105
      Anonymous says:

      I’m sorry – the North West the “jewel of England”? Can you confirm that you are David Blunkett and that you have lost your sense of smell. As my friend Vladimir Putin has said elsewhere – its almost as beautiful as our glorious Shitograd.


      • 193
        VotR says:

        Manchester was a very nice city, especially its night life. Now it’s pretty bad, and the penny pinch is being felt.
        Greater Manchester has had a high homeless population and gun related gang crimes. And the situation is escalating even worse. Because of recent events hinging around the recession, many jobs have been lost, homes repossessed and numerous bogus colleges, especially around the Levenshulme and similar areas, have cropped up allowing illegal immigration from countries such Afghanistan to sky rocket.

        And this has happened under a Labour government. It’s no wonder Labour managed to hold onto it’s council majority, the infrastructure is in place to allow such activities now for decades to come by voters who obviously want things to stay the way they are. Unless something is done to cause a change. Hence a foreseeable and discreet civil war is looming.

        Opposing citizens might decide to vote Tory just to get Labour out of power to create this change, whether they buy into Conservative values or not. The time for playing neutral is fast coming to an end, the line drawn and a side must be chosen which will carve out the political landscape for the next four to five years or so, possibly longer. This analysis isn’t based on opinion, it’s more of a summary of how things are right now up north.


      • 200
        Cardinal del Monte says:

        The North-West includes the Lake District.


    • 189
      M.T.BUCKET says:

      Only 17.5% turnout.


  24. 53
    Anonymous says:

    Luton MP Margaret Moran is nothing more than a bloody crook. How did she get away with this>

    “It also emerged yesterday that Miss Moran claimed travel expenses for driving 26,028 miles last year, when her seat is just 32 miles north of London, enough for 407 round trips to her district.”


  25. 55
    JD says:

    Got wine ‘flu then, Mr Fawkes?



  26. 58
    Anonymous says:

    He sounds very upset

    Doesn’t it start from the top? Where is the top? Who is the top? If they are ‘allowances’ then they are not ‘expenses’. Who are the invisible levers of MP trough enablement?


    • 278
      Barrett Bonden says:

      The Speaker was the top. The expenses are voted by the Commons who also decide their own wages. The administration of the expenses is in the hands of the ‘Fees Office’ which in turn was under the jurisdiction of the Speaker.

      The real tragedyt of all this is that Parliament will no longer be sovereign – it will now be ‘overssen’. That the leaves it even more open to control by placemen. Who chosses the overseers? – and who oversees *them*?

      I do feel this fact alone alters our democaracy fundamentally. |Woudl that it had never come to such a pass. Speaker Martin has consistently blocked, mocked, vilified and impeded the career of anyone trying to rein in the abuse of the expenses allowance. That is why he had to go. He is answerable for this debacle which will have far-reaching effects, some good to be sure, but others regrettable in the extreme


  27. 60

    Sorry to hear that! Hopefully, you will soon be strong enough to kick a few MPs again.


  28. 66
    Dick Cheese says:

    Nadine whining now on R5.
    She is a self-deluding piece of work.


  29. 67
    Anonymous says:

    Cameron must get a grip of loonie Nadine Dorries before she loses him even more votes. She is helping Labour take the moral high ground as that creep Stephen Pound did on Radio 4 this morning. The BBC bloody loved it.


    • 70
      Anonymous says:

      Dorries claims the Telegraph is fascist on Radio 5 right now. She is fucking nuts and increasingly out of control. People are going to get really angry at all her whinging and excuses.


      • 73
        Anonymous says:

        She’s worse than shopaholic, crockery-junkie Peter Luff MP whining on radio 4 last night.

        Nauseating fucking hypocrites


      • 79
        Anonymous says:

        If Nadine Dorries had any sense at all she’d shut up.


    • 75
      Old Tory says:

      Saying he had been forced to step down by pressure from his constituents, Mr Steen told the BBC: “You know what it’s about? Jealousy. I have got a very, very large house. Some people say it looks like Balmoral . . . It’s not particularly attractive but it does me nicely.”

      The MP later issued a statement apologising “unreservedly” for his comments.

      I do not accept his apology, we know full well he meant what he said.


    • 92
      Dr Feelgood says:

      DC needs to come down on these people like a ton of bricks.

      Steen was pissed when interviewed it seems. Pathetic old fool.

      He should take the whip away and deselect them.


      • 113
        Anonymous says:

        If Dodgy Dave took the whip from all Tory MPs with a liking for the sauce he would have fewer colleagues than there are heterosexuals in the Vatican.


      • 122
        Archie MacPherson says:

        In vino veritas . . .


    • 117
      Johnny says says:

      Dorries is right though. The ACA troughing was encouraged and has been for years. What she doesn’t get is that it is a shifty, sneaky and corrupt way of enriching your pay without being honest to the taxpayers. The allowance system has been in place since 70 or 71 I think. It’s just grown and grown and grown, and been specifically exempted from taxation to boot. The equivalent of a £40k bung on your pay packet, entirely at your own discretion (and there are a few who don’t trough) and until now, largely unknown to the public. Nice perk if you can get it.

      What they don’t get is that we are now seeing it is a simple test of morals – to trough or not to trough. Many have failed.

      Is £100k about right for an MP? Based on how unaccountable and ineffective they are, how little they do to stand up for us against the Government and how little work Parliament does these days, coupled with the job security, no requirement for qualifications and an army of staff on hand to help, no. They aren’t worth it.


      • 187
        Postal Vote says:

        And don’t forget the pension entitlement equals a 30,000 per annum pension contribution. Makes you weep, puke or a combination of the 2 in case you’re Guido.


    • 191
      Inspector Foyle says:

      I agree. that bloody stephen pound needs pounding. he is such a sanctimonious prick..he blamed it on thatcher!


  30. 74
    Number 6 says:

    Guido, don’t forget to claim for all the booze and then blame the hangover on the system wot made you drink it all.


  31. 78
    King Beardy says:

    You know its bad when even the Americans are laughing at us….

    Damn it!


    • 108
      lololo says:

      I don’t mind the Merkins laughing at us now as in a year or so we will be returning the favour.


  32. 82
    lololo says:

    Just listened to Nadine Dorries on 5live you better buck your conspiracy ideas up Guido otherwise you will be overtaken by her,just unbelievable ,Barclay bros,Isreal,UKIP,B N p.


  33. 84
    Moley says:

    I think “Scamalot” is probably the name we’ve all been looking for.


  34. 87
    Dick Cheese says:

    Big Nads has just made the astonishing claim that the Courts have always classed ACA as a part of MPs’ salaries and, by extension, it was not unreasonable for MPs to treat it as such. She went on to say that effectively ACA was a pot, with MPs names on it, given in lieu of pay rises.

    She also said that everybody in the media and politics knew all about this’ but undermined this line somewhat by claiming that she personally knew nothing about flipping and other dodges.

    Also claims that DT has an anti-Europe agenda and is using expense row to undermine mainstream parties in favour of UKIP. WTF?

    The ‘mad Nad’ moniker really isn’t far off the mark. She is doing untold damage and is currently being torn a new one by Joe Public who just aren’t in the mood to stomach this kind of exculpatory cant.


    • 98
      Margy says:

      I heard her too on the Today programme. What a foolish woman.
      And to say they don’t get paid enough is a nonsense.

      £64k a year for an MP is plenty. It is NOT a full time job. We must NOT fall for their demands for bigger salaries – it really is not neccessary. I don’t give a toss what they get paid in the US or Italy, but this is the UK and £64k a year is nearly triple the national average.

      Cabinet members get nearer £150k which again, is reasonable as that SHOULD be a full time job.

      If these people cannot live on this sort of money they have problems and should not be running our economy. Most of us are living on a lot less.


      • 239
        Tattooed_Arry says:

        If they don’t like the wages why don’t they just do what everyone wants them to do and stand down. They keep telling us there are plenty of vacancies, just as there are plenty of other people who would be happy to do their jobs for the wages that they are paid.
        And what jobs they are, no experience necessary, no qualifications required – if you get stuck, claim for an adviser on expences to do your job for you.
        And it’s a game all the family can play.


  35. 88
    Taxfodder says:

    I was sorry to hear that the hallowed halls of Westminster are hushed with a creeping portent of doom. Many MP’s are to be found in the MP’s subsidised watering hole drinking heavily, bleary eyed and fearful of the next revelation, who is next?
    Would drowning in the Thames be preferable to the shame?
    Will their home team deselect them?
    Will a member/s of their local community beat the living crap out of them?

    Horror of horror to cap it all the prospect of having to find a proper job, in a recession! The worry about their children’s education their children being bullied at school. Putting food on the table and maintaining their standard of living.

    Bugger must be hard joining the real world; my old heart bleeds for them.

    I hear suicide may be a possibility.

    I can only hope, but then I’m in the real world!


  36. 90
    Dr Badtwat says:

    John STEWART and a Ben Elton-alike – is this a subliminal pisstake on the evildoers behind Scamalot?


  37. 91
    adge says:

    re Hazel Blears: 606 votes for labour is hardly an achievement, considering the size of Salford, I would read this as a defeat, not to much for her to smile about.


    • 126
      It doesn't add up... says:

      Turnout was just 17.5%. Even B N P couldn’t get many votes out.


      • 241
        Tattooed_Arry says:

        Re: B N P not enough English people left there – classic case of “white flight”.


  38. 94
    John says:

    Another MP stating that the ACA was in leau of a pay rise, with the fees office promoting the maxing of claims. Why has no one in the fees office been hawled over the coals by the press as they seem to be the master mind behind this scandel.


    • 150
      Johnny says says:

      Always two there are, no more, no less. A master and an apprentice.


    • 279
      Barrett Bonden says:

      Because they were doing as they were told by Speaker Martin, who oversees the office.

      Those who have called his interpretation of the ‘Green Book’ into question over the last many years (ie since since 97, and increasingly as the years passed) have been booted our, or their lives made so uncomfortable that they quit


  39. 95
    Dick Cheese says:

    Gonads got a predictable kicking from listeners and gave the lie to the facile claim that MPs are getting it.

    Still, she has got herself headlines and that’s what matters.


  40. 107
    Rexel 56 says:

    Reference Steen and Dorries.

    I’m coming to the conclusion that the whole Telegraph expose is a Brown-Watson-McBride operation.

    Look how it’s running:

    1) get the cabinet stuff out the way first
    2) go big on Blears who has dared to challenge the Leader
    3) go soft on Balls etc.
    4) whip the public mood into a frenzy
    5) then go for the Tory Toffs big time
    6) get Toffs onto BBC with deadly soundbites

    ……. into the future now

    7) keep it simmering until July
    8) get the second jobs data out and really go for the Toffs
    9) get BBC to focus fore on Toffs who haven’t stood down for election
    10) pour £150bn into economy in quantitive easing
    11) engineer blib in car sales using scrappage
    12) engineer house price recovery somehow
    13) get back from sunner recess
    14) declare worst of recession over so time for a renewal of mandate
    15) switch printing presses over from money to postal votes
    16) leak Cameron/Osborne killer scandal
    17) fight Do Nothing Toffs campaign
    18) Gordon back in with majority of 15, all opponents purged
    19) exodus of talented

    You read it here first.


    • 116
      A fossil says:

      3) Balls wasnt as juicy as people might have hoped.

      6) No-one forced the idiots to talk like that. Do you really want people who (where shall i start) … are that dim as MPs? Shouldnt the conservative party have the sense not to keep such idiots on board? Or should we just keep them locked away in a quiet room, like a mad aunt.


      • 280
        Charlie Whelan ate my hampster says:

        People seem to forget, or to be unaware, that each local Conservative Association is autonomous to a large degree – Tories don’t go in for the kind of top-down control which is characteristic of Labour, both nationally and locally. (That’s what characterises Tories btw)

        It’s not that easy to dislodge a sitting Tory MP, esp if he/she has the support of the local association. Apparently Cameron has been itching to get rid of some of the complacent Tory elders/toffs (aka bed-blockers! LOL) and is using this opportunity with relish


    • 152
      Anonymous says:

      You forgot the Nuclear option of Proportional Representation rolled into the Big P.R. Blitz planned after the Euro disaster. Some say those close to Brown are considering it as it would be wrapped up into a Constitutional overhall reducing the number of MP’s in the Commons and the Lords and starting the ball rolling on a Bill of Rights.

      True some Labour MP’s do hate it, but they might just hate the thought of losing even more.


      • 207
        Johnny says says:

        We already have a bill of rights, and have had for longer than the US.

        I would be wary of any Government led attempts to codify rights and freedoms into a single document – they would undoubtably want it to be perfect from the off rather than start with a simple document and a means for the justice system and the public to amend it as is required.

        Jack Straw’s ideas were so nebulous, wordy and arcane that it would be just another shitty bit of legislation that restricted us, not the Government.


      • 221
        Moley says:

        This Government does not have a mandate for major constitutional change, (or anything else).

        Parliament is no longer the voice of the people.

        It will have to be stopped if it tries it, by whatever means necessary.


      • 257
        Anonymous says:

        Ah – Dick Sniffin of the BNP (Buggers, Nutters and Paedophiles) has changed from dirtyden to moley.


      • 274
        Moley says:

        Moley remains Moley.

        Who Nick Clegg is and what he is up to is a different matter.

        Labour could save a lot of seats with proportional representation, and it has been a Liberal goal for years.

        It would suit the two parties to do it. We know from the Liberal attitude of the BBC that its philosophy is the same as Labour.
        “We will do what we like because we know it is right”.


  41. 110
    Anonymous says:

    Have some more Baileys with a raw egg
    that help


  42. 119
    Margy says:

    £64k per annum is plenty for a part time job.


  43. 120
    MB says:

    Blame it on Global Warming


  44. 121
    It doesn't add up... says:

    It has that nice Kennedy overtone – certainly to an American audience. Chap-a-quid-duck anyone?


  45. 125
    Desperate Dan says:

    For some time now the BBC has been saying EVERYONE cheats in exams; EVERYONE lies on their CVs; EVERYONE steals from work; EVERYONE is massively in debt; and now we have EVERYONE would falsify expenses claims if they got the chance.

    It might come as a surprise to journalists and politicians but EVERYONE isn’t pathologically dishonest and indebted like they are and some of us resent being slandered just so they can call their greed and swindling ‘normal’.


    • 162
      Moley says:

      Clearly the BBC is speaking for itself.

      I am not surprised by the revelation that they are all cheats and liars, it’s been obvious for a long time.


  46. 127

    “Blood transfusion” hangover cure (Lovingly ripped off from UK Food)

    30 ml vodka,
    30 ml fino Sherry,
    150ml tomato juice
    30 ml fresh lime juice,
    pinch of celery salt
    2 dashes of Worcestershire sauce
    30ml Fernet Branca


    1. Fill a highball glass with ice cubes.

    2. Pour the vodka and sherry over the ice first, and then add the tomato and limejuice, then the celery salt and Worcestershire sauce. Stir.

    3. Float a layer of Fernet Branca on top.

    Cooks Notes:
    This deals with the stomach (through the Fernet Branca), then the headache and finally the general malaise in the body. The combination will either cure you, or finish you off!


    • 211
      Rt Hon Sir Montague Arsewipe MP. says:

      Very hot chicken broth (homemade is best though inextremis cubes will do) with pasta (smaller the better) and grated parmesan cheese. Two large bowls along with 2 asprin.


  47. 128
    mowl says:

    Well at least we know Mr McBride was right about one thing.


  48. 129
    Bobbolino says:

    Baileys? You must have been drunk.


  49. 130
    James says:



  50. 136
    Tory Dan says:

    Sounds like a usual student day to be honest.


  51. 137
    Porky Pies MP says:

    It’s been reported that Whips are concerned that some MPs might be contemplating suicide because of the continuing revelations.

    I know assisted suicide is illegal but I would willingly assist any of them that are having trouble with this. In fact it’s a wonder we haven’t hanged many of the bastards upside down from lamp posts. The more thats being revealed the more I despair at this filthy lot of greedy swines. And as for that paranoid Steen who thinks we are jealous, how could anybody be jealous of a face like his!


    • 143
      shellingout says:

      Let’s form an orderly queue……..


      • 153
        Stall Holder says:

        Rope, razor blades, pills, shotguns, – all laid out and ready for sale. Reasonable rates to troughers.

        Assistance offered to dimwits.


    • 161
      shellingout says:

      If you bother to read this, Mr Steen, I would like it to be put on record that I am not jealous.

      I am, however, incandescent with rage that you, and your peers, have been allowed to steal so much money from us, the taxpayers of Britain, for so many years. You obviously feel very hard-done-by because we taxpayers (your employers) have had enough of putting our hands in our pockets to fund your lifestyle, and it now looks as though it’s coming to an end.

      Go out into the real world, Mr Steen, and find a job which pays you for the hours you actually work, make an honest living and pay for your own properties out of your own pocket. You may even feel better for it. Perhaps then, you will understand why the people of Britain hold you all in such contempt.


  52. 139
    bustop says:

    Just reviewed PMQs 29 April with Brown defending approach re Gurkahs (from about 16 mins in). What a difference three weeks makes! The man is an opportunist hoon and a liar. I also noticed that the 10 Downing Street site, where you van view it,has a “Labour” edit – with much cutting away to the nodding hoons behind Brown that you do not see on BBC coverage. Is that not a bit pathetic and does it not show how low he has sunk?


    • 178
      English Liberation Front says:

      Yes, he is just a Herman Goering type figure, all vanity and hot air, presiding over a gang of mediocre national socialist crooks who still believe their own lies and spin as the Russian tanks drive into the suburbs of Berlin.

      The sly Diane Abbot was at her delusional best on TW last night, still believing her beloved Labour party might win or that there might be a hung parliament, despite the fact it has been hi-jacked by Nazi gangsters determined on the Westminster equivalent of Götterdämmerung.

      Brown, a preening, demented, vainglorious, vindictive McMugabe, is now plotting his post-half term comeback with a “National Plan” instead of acceding to the wishes of the people and calling a General Election. What a useless buffoon he is. A horrible, insane, pompous, manipulative, lying Scottish git who we can’t wait to see the back of but who instead continues to punish and harass the English with his stubborn grasp on unreality.

      Just go Brown, you demented idiot.


    • 186
      Steve says:

      The man is an opportunist hoon and a liar.

      And it’s taken you until NOW to work that out??


  53. 141
    Anthony Steen says:

    When I waanted and waved on Wadio 4 about my wural weetweat, Balmowal, I weally didn’t mean it. I weally wegwet my weemarks.


  54. 151
    Dr Strange Love says:

    Speaking as an overbearing, overpaid, sanctimonious and generally over promoted government shit, I would like to take this opportunity to advise you all to take careful note of the predicament that Guido is in.

    This results from DRINKING.

    We have endlessly warned you sheeple about this. Now take careful stock of your own DRINKING habits, and aim to put an end to it AT ONCE – THIS WEEKEND in fact.

    BE WARNED!- we shall have to INCREASE TAX and MONITOR all sales and slurping.

    Now, . . where’s my absinthe and harness?


  55. 158
    bustop says:

    Hague comes on Question Time telling us that they all “get it” now and that the penny has dropped and heads will roll, then he says that Martin should get a peerage and his pay off. Talk about inconsistent. He said it would be wrong to be vindictive – I don’t think so. That he “is a nice man” – oh yeh that’s right – he did not speak to Andrew Walker for weeks after he raised a concern about expenses and publically villified any who questioned him. he har carter Ruck on a retainer to sue the ass of anyone who got too close to the truth. He threw his own expenses around like confetti. what shall we do – give him a job for life FFS boot him out. In fact any MP deselected for fraud should get no resettlement pay – just go.
    And to further undermine Tory claims to get it Nadine Dorris (who calls herself a cheeky scouser) spouts more crap on Radio 5 live. Bloody hell who needs enemies. The worry is that she is so niave as to go down this route (even if she is daft enough to believe it). Brown has completely F’d up on this Cameron must not let Labour regain the high ground. One dismissal for CGT avoidance would set Brown back a million years.


    • 166
      shellingout says:

      If this was any one of us mere plebs, we’d be in court by now.


    • 234
      It doesn't add up... says:

      I guess Martin has hinted to Hague just how many bodies he knows about.


    • 235
      Me2 says:

      But hague want martin to stick arround…..

      Hague did pretty well at question time – unlike Ben (labour) ….

      rule 1. in a crisis “say little”


  56. 159
    Anonymous says:

    What’s this stuff about a £20,000,000 annual hidden State subsidy to the main political parties?


  57. 163
    filipinomonkey says:

    Just looked at that by-election vote in Salford. Anti labour vote split between the rest.

    Nightmare scenario.

    Pass that bottle over Guido…


    • 209
      It doesn't add up... says:

      Irwell Riverside previous election:

      Results in May 2008:

      Labour: 888
      Lib Dem: 337
      Conservatives: 286
      B N P: 233

      turnout of 20.6%.

      This time:

      Labour: 606
      Lib Dem: 293
      B N P: 276
      Conservatives: 189
      Greens: 125
      UKIP: 123

      Turnout 17.5%

      I’d count Green as a Lab protest, and UKIP as a Tory protest. Only a few extras for B N P – probably mainly from Lab too, I’d guess. Net result: In addition to protest votes, Lab and Lib suffered abstentions. Con appear just to have suffered protest vote.


  58. 172
    Anonymous says:

    Guido, don’t blame it on the sunshine (or the moonlight). The blame lies with the boogie which started in America.


  59. 174
    rob's uncle says:

    Re: ‘ . . It was because of the sunshine that Guido drunk a couple of jugs of Pimms.': ‘drank’ is the correct past participle; ‘drunk’ is what you became.

    We should all pray to the Venerable Matt Talbot*, patron saint of sobriety, that your liver is holding out well under the strain. Remember to eat lots of fresh fruit and veg, at least 5 helpings day, to keep it in good repair.

    * ‘He joined the Secular Franciscan Order and began a life of strict penance; he abstained from meat nine months a year. Matt spent hours every night avidly reading Scripture and the lives of the saints. He prayed the rosary conscientiously. Though his job did not make him rich, Matt contributed generously to the missions.’


  60. 185
    Nigel says:

    Its called wineflu,we all get it from time to time… will recover.


  61. 188
    nell says:

    In a way Expensesgate has done Dave a favour because it has given him the opportunity to get rid of the Tory Old Guard who were nearly as resistant to change as Martin.

    Dave will get lots of new blood with which to fight a Labour Party that is burnt out.


  62. 190
    Anonymous says:

    Anyone think the stories are starting to get a bit lame?

    What happened to “suicide watch” ?

    What happened to “sex scandals”?

    Note to DT – maybe you need to think laterally here, it may not be heterosexual sex that MP’s have been up to.

    We need some more really meaty ones or the DT risks running out of steam.


  63. 195
    Des Troy says:

    Fair play to Nadine Dorries on the Today programme.
    She may be peculiar but she told the truth in saying MPs were led to believe the ‘additional costs allowance’ was an allowance and not an expense account and so part of their remuneration. They were told that it existed because of the failure of successive governments to implement recommendations of senior salaries review boards.
    The remuneration of many jobs include other items than salary, be it health insurance, sports facilities or training and education.
    Her best bit was to point out that everyone in the media and others knew all about it. Only the general public had been kept in the dark, which happens also in many other areas.
    It seems most politicians are so unaccustomed to the truth they are terrified of speaking it.
    The vindictive witch hunt on this issue has been a spectacular own goal for the right. They thought it could be used to suppress the turnout to vote among working people. In fact it will probably make working people more engaged for years to come.

    hwaw, hwaw, hwaw


    • 213
      John says:

      It appears that Nadine is asking for an interview with a newspaper, as IF her ACA was considered by the court it was part of her income when she divorced it will take this story to a new level. An interesing development.


    • 231
      To my shame, I once voted. says:

      Patent bollocks. If that were the case, they would have just given them all the full amount. I am sick to the teeth with this scumbag low life chiseling crooks appealing for sympathy.

      Did you hear the silly tart on the radio this morning? Claiming that the DT exposees are similar to the McCarthy witch hunts. No, you dipstick! McCarthy fitted people up and destroyed their careers by lies and innuendo because he did not like the way they think. Whilst I have no truck with the right wing party whose initials may not be mentioned, much of the ‘right on’ PC condemnation is very much like McCarthy. The way we do things in this country is to let nutters say their piece so that they expose their numptitude!

      This snivelling shower behave like the stupid criminals who burst into tears of self pity when they are about to be sentenced.

      If anybody claimed for food – which ordinary mortals buy out of the bloody salaries – you are moral pigmies and deserve the contempt in which we hold you.

      If you claimed money for a mortgage you were not paying, you are a liar and a f***ing thief.

      If you claimed for a duck raft or moat cleaning, you are an arrogant, piss taking scumbag and the average Brit would not vote for you in a thousand years – and you well know it. So, stepping down is merely a sop to your own arrogance.

      Flipping homes to maximise your claims is the sort of thing that we expect from low life estate agents, car salesmen, con artists and, the lowest of the low, Parliamentarians.

      Stop f***ing whining you miserable shower of shits. Have the guts to hold up your hands and say ‘You’re right, I have done wrong and I will accept the punishment like a grown up human being’.


  64. 203
    Berk's peerage says:


    ‘Today the UK is on its way to joining the PIGS countries as Standard and Poor’s lower the UK’s AAA outlook from “stable to negative”. The PIGS countries are the hopelessly weak European countries (Portugal, Ireland, Greece and Spain) which have all been downgraded this year. The UK government deficit is estimated to reach £175 billion in 2009 (it will probably be a lot higher). This represents 12.4% of GDP.’

    ‘In our February Newsletter, “The Bankrupt saving the Bankrupt”, we took the UK economy as an example of the bankrupt state of the world economy. Therefore, it should be no surprise to our readers that the UK will be the next country to be downgraded. So it is not the slightest bit unexpected that the UK is joining the poorest of the major European countries.’

    oh dear, Brits fucking laughing stock PIGS.


  65. 206
    Nick Nack says:

    Nadine – you are talking bollocks


    • 261
      Dr Nuts says:

      Well, admit it – she has to talk them – ‘cos she never grew any – maybe it’s a jealousy thing!


  66. 212

    Self inflicted wounds, Guido, stop lying around like an up-ended beetle and have some hair of the dog that bit you.


  67. 214
    Debita Nostra says:

    Guido, if you can go a week without drinking you’re probably not alcohol dependent.

    If you can’t go a day without drinking, you probably are, and really need to watch it.

    (Imagine being told you couldn’t have a cup of tea for a day. Most people wouldn’t give a toss. Whereas with alcohol…)

    Certainly not being holier than thou.

    Probably been more lie-on-the-floor-holding-on pissed than thou in my time.


  68. 222
    P1 says:

    Why doesn’t Rantzen (Unknown number of houses) stand against her former protege, Shaun Woodward (6 houses, but not one in the right place so, taxpayer has to pay for one more)? Cyril Fletcher and Richard Stilgoe could amuse us during the campaign (if they are still alive and have changed their approach to entertainment). That’s Life!


  69. 224
    Johnny says says:

    Are the media beginning to get it?

    Our powerless MPs, overwhelmed with trivia

    “Westminster has given up so much power – to Europe, to quangos, to judges – that people wonder what they are paying for. Half the time, a big issue comes up and politicians say it’s not their responsibility.”


  70. 225
    Syphus says:

    Hm, I was insanely pleased to see the Daily Show I love cover the troughers. Needlessly obsessed by the moat though, lets face it.

    I <3 John Oliver ^-^

    Oh and Guido – a strong cup of Irish Coffee with see you right. Or at least fuzzy enough again that you stop caring.


  71. 229
    Sir Reginald Titbrain says:

    Nice parody on the expenses scam Guido. Fair enough, if MP’s can blame the rule we’ll let you blame the weather, provided that is that you bought your own booze.


  72. 230
    Scapegoat-ery says:

    And how do you have the gall to refer to McBride’s drinking problems?


  73. 236
    NewGirl says:

    SHIT!! Its quite clear to me that someone (we know who) has poisoned Guido.


  74. 238
    Sir William Waad says:

    Lay off the MDMA Guido, you’re not a kid any more.


  75. 245
    oldrightie says:

    Sounds like you might have an alcohol problem! Stick to one maybe two kinds at a time. Much safer on the liver! That’s the voice of experience, by the way.


  76. 253
    Kasou says:

    Here you go Guido…just up your street, we (and you and Dale) should support this party. At least it goes some way to freedom of speach.


  77. 281
    Bob Maris says:

    As long as you keep out of a potentially lethal vehicle, we don’t f***ing care about your drinking habits.


  78. 283



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