May 15th, 2009

Alan Duncan Gets Some Free Gardening

The guys at Don’t Panic who put the blue plaque on Jacqui Smith’s wall have been round to Alan Duncan’s place to help out with the gardening.  Hilarious, watch it until the end:


  1. 1
    Shahid Malik says:


    • 28
      Anonymous says:

      You sir, or your namesake at any rate, are a complete and utter hoon.

      • 35
        Postle says:

        Westminster Ode, sung to the tune of the Strawbs – Part of the Union

        Now I’m a Westminster man
        Amazed at what I am
        I say what I think, that Inland Revenue stinks
        Yes I’m a Westminster man

        When we meet in Westminster Great Hall
        I’ll be voting with them all
        With a hell of a shout, it’s “Bail our Banking Brothers out!”
        And the rise of the factory’s fall

        Oh, you don’t get me, I’m a Parliamentarian
        You don’t get me, I’m a Parliamentarian
        You don’t get me, I’m a Parliamentarian
        Huge pension till I die
        Huge pension till I die

        Westminster has made me wise
        To the lies of the Telegraph spies
        And I don’t get fooled by the Parliamentary rules
        ’cause I always read between the lines

        And I always get my way
        As I vote for my Brothers higher pay
        When I show my MP card to the Scotland Yard
        This is what I say:

        Oh, oh, you don’t get me, I’m a Parliamentarian
        You don’t get me, I’m a Parliamentarian
        You don’t get me, I’m a Parliamentarian
        Huge pension till I die
        Huge pension till I die

        Before Westminster did appear
        My life was half as clear
        Now I’ve got the power, expenses to devour
        Each and every day of the year

        So though I’m a Parliamentary man
        I avoid Revenue’s plan, claim all the expenses that I can
        And though I’m not hard, the sight of my MP card
        Makes me some kind of superman

        Oh, oh, oh, you don’t get me, I’m a Parliamentarian
        You don’t get me, I’m a Parliamentarian
        You don’t get me, I’m a Parliamentarian
        Huge pension till I die
        Huge pension till I die

        You don’t get me, I’m a Parliamentarian
        You don’t get me, I’m a Parliamentarian
        You don’t get me, I’m a Parliamentarian
        Huge pension till I die
        Huge pension till I die

      • 85
        Non Story says:

        Sky News presenter: Can I ask why a £800 massage chair is so important to you?

        Shahid Malik: You see, I’d have more respect for you if you were honest about the figures. You know full well it is £730.

      • 132
        Mr Ned says:

        Malik has stepped down ‘pending a review of his expenses’ AND HE EXPECTS TO BE REINSTATED!!! He has also called for the media blood hunt against MPs to stop as it is damaging politics….




        If he is that insanely arrogant now, how much WORSE would he be IF he were re-elected???

      • 202
        Carlos says:

        With a lot of time on your hands now you’re being bounced out of the house!

        Malik on Sky this morning was an utter embarrasment. How could anyone in this country have voted in such an arrogant, unpleasant hoon?

      • 504
        Agent Satsuma says:

        202 Carlos

        Postal votes, dear boy, postal votes.

        Its the ZNL way.

    • 53

      Shahid Malik just stepped down as Justice Minister

      • 86
        Anonymous says:

        Good, now he can fuck off and resign as an MP too.

        Good fucking riddance

      • 133
        Atlas shrugged says:

        Good riddance to bad rubbish.


        Please Please PLEASE dont be fooled by the media and especially the angle taken on this by the BBC.

        It is not our politicians that are the main problem here.

        IT IS THE SYSTEM itself.

        WHO devised it?
        WHO drafted it?
        WHO approved it?
        WHO benefited most from corrupting and therefore compromising our politicians?

        We currently have an ever increasing amount of our citizenry who have been made to feel like criminals, simply for using a system that THE SYSTEM itself has created.

        For example

        Anyone on working or family tax credits. Because it you truly do understand the system you are doing better then my accountant.

        Anyone on benefits who does any undeclared paid work on the side. Which is a clear majority, otherwise they would virtually starve.

        Any one who is self-employed or runs their own company. Because if you completely understand the tax and employment law system, you are again doing better then my accountant. Who is not at all cheap, or inexperienced.

        We have all been corrupted in one way or another, and to a greater or lesser extent. We are therefore virtually ALL potential criminals, or worried to hell, that we might be unintentionally being a criminal.

        THIS NORMALLY GO’S BY THE NAME OF AUTHORITARIAN SOCIALISM, otherwise known as CORPORATISM, although MARXIST COMMUNISM or NAZISM are perfectly acceptable descriptions.

        PLEASE concentrate your efforts on THE SYSTEM not individual witch-hunts against individual MP’s. Doing so is going to turn out to be extremely COUNTER-PRODUCTIVE.

      • 134
        Mr Ned says:

        He expects to be reinstated soon! What a fucking hoon!

      • 194
        Anonymous says:

        At last, some justice.

      • 211
        Saatchimo says:

        Shithead Malik will no doubt play the race card next. If you’re non-white, then it’s got to be a case of racial victimisation, has it?

        I’m going to find my Black and White Minstrel make-up and go rob a bank.

      • 335

        Good fucking riddance. Now piss off back to bongo bongo land in the third world.

      • 339
        Anonymous says:

        What an obnoxious little shit, and sooo like his Leader

    • 57

      Shaid Malik has resigned

    • 63
      Bertha Rochester says:

      not any more mate you’ve gorn

    • 87
      Not a moralist, but... says:

      Er, call me old fashioned, but doesn’t that act constitute criminal damage?

      Just asking…

      • 156
        leagle-beagle says:

        Yep but do you think Alan Duncan will have the balls to report him? if he does this video goes on national news, including all that unsavoury info at the start! Duncan is snookered he cant press charges or his career takes another massive hit, ha ha ha tool.

      • 356
        DisgustedOfMitcham2 says:

        And, of course, don’t forget who’s going to be paying for re-turfing the lawn.

    • 106
      Troughing Pigs says:

      Where is Vaseline? He is usually all over the screen like a bad rush.

    • 120
      Toby Young to stand for election as MP says:

      Ok it’s a bad joke.

    • 209
      freddie flintoff says:

      you are a hoon you stole from the public and it is you turn in the court of public opion where the current favourite sentence is a shotgun up the arse

      • 238
        horrorfan24 says:

        Personally, I think a rusty, spike like dildo up the arse would be more effective, that way they die from internal bleeding, but also have to suffer tetenus and lock jaw, so they can’t spout any more bollocks or lies, whilst they die.

      • 266
        freddie flintoff says:

        and in public of course

      • 384
        They don't like it up 'em says:

        Impalement is what you really want.

        See here

    • 273
      Dr Society says:

      you need to check this out.

      Were Kirkbride’s stalker stories a “wasting police time” fabrication to keep her address out of the public eye? here:

    • 370
      Tellies says:

      Ah, the minister for Home Entertainment

    • 435
      Anonymous says:

      Why is it so outrageous to claim for a gardener but McDoom claiming for a cleaner is thought reasonable?

      • 476
        Anonymous says:

        MPs are being chased around the country being asked to justify all sorts of claims but has anyone asked Brown how he can justify charging his cleaning bill to expenses when he enjoyed a six figure salary? Everyone enjoyed Tory Moats etc but John Prescott’s beams seem to have gone by virtually unmentioned. Not to mention Bliar’s expenses “shredded” by “mistake.”

        Why are the big boys getting away with this?

    • 437

      I’ve just set up a new facebook group: anyone fancy the idea of Dennis Skinner fo rSpeaker of the Commons?

  2. 2
    Shahid Malik says:

    and second

    • 3

      First and second homes?

    • 44
      Get them all out now says:

      I see you’ve stepped down now according to Reuteurs.

      • 46
        Anonymous says:

        Yea, I’d like to know what that means. Not from parliament, obviously. I guess he has stepped down as a justice minister – is he still being paid as one? Bet he is – thieving piece of dirt.

      • 81
        Oscar says:

        Yeah – ‘stepped down’ is a con. He hasn’t. He’s just waiting for his name to be cleared, when he’ll be reinstated. No doubt the ‘inquiry’ will soon announce he’s acted ‘within the rules’, and Troughing Malik will be back.

  3. 4
    Doctor Mick says:

    The Don’tPanic chap should be renamed Don’tMutter. I can’t get what he’s on about most of the time. Maybe substitles would be the answer?

  4. 5
    Airey Belvoir says:

    Good on him – he showed real nerve when the gardener turned up at the end.

    • 229
      Peter says:

      At least there is some hope for the country when such as these guys can still make a point with wit and style.

      Speaking of anything but… and gardening, it is worth checking out this in the Indy:

      The self-serving, blinkered actions and subsequent words of pretty much all from Labour had already consigned them the the compost heap of history in my eyes long ago.

      And already, even before this, Mr. Duncan’s HIGNFY effort has already raised a few flags on his party and leader’s competencies.

      But Ms. Widdecombe, another alumnus of that fine show, has now ensured that, come June 4 and the GE, three votes will be going anywhere but the Conservatives as well.

      Maybe ‘they will’ soon be ‘getting it’.

  5. 6
    Fascinated by this Blog! says:


  6. 7
    Brishank says:

    Excellent. Waiting now for police to be involved.

    Would it be in the public’s interest if the pranksters were prosecuted? They could always say they made a mistake I guess.

  7. 9
    Pete-s says:

    I should not laugh at criminal damage but…………………………..!

    • 276
      Cicero says:

      I know, quite wrong but you’d need a heart of stone not to.
      Personally, I thought replacing the bare earth with flowers added a nice touch.

      How very English – civil disobedience via lawn enhancement…

    • 286
      horrorfan24 says:

      I just loved the bit where the guy starts laughing whilst he’s marking out the pound sign, that was sheer class.

  8. 10
    Sunonmars says:

    These two are worse, troughing gits.

    The MPs bought the apartment overlooking the Thames in 2002 and have been claiming close to the maximum allowance since then. Records show that in some months they also both tried to claim back the full amount of council tax on the property.

    Mrs Keen is a junior health minister. Nicknamed “Mr and Mrs Expenses” by the press prior to The Daily Telegraph’s investigation, the two MPs have been married since 1980 and represent neighbouring constituencies.

    • 29
      Alix says:

      And they’re run a close second by the Wintertons, shovelling £80k into their family trust.

    • 32

      I was wondering when the Telegraph would get round to them.


      • 152
        Atlas shrugged says:

        You would be well advised to concentrate your efforts on exposing Common Purpose and its truly nasty common purposes, not contributing to the end of British Democracy.

      • 217
        £sign says:

        they were highlighted like the rest, and to be honest we all knew that they were neck deep in the trough anyway

    • 55
      Anonymous says:

      An apartment overlooking the Thames..?


      Very nice…


    • 137

      And the sods don’t live far from parliment. Brentwood? Brentford? Gettem mixed up but they’re both the same sort of distance that Pickles got skewered for on QT arent they?

      “£50 for a service call to reconfigure the sound on their Bose home cinema system”. Thats actually the most stupid one yet. At least moats and swimming pools actually need doing.

    • 301
      Herman Gelmet says:

      Can someone explain to me why they need a second home in London when they already live there, quickly please, my piss is about to boil. And what is the additional £19,000 allowance Ann Keen claimed for? too late boiling point reached.

  9. 11
    Alan Titchmarsh says:

    He needs a good decking.

  10. 12

    They should have got their Dimmocks out!

    The Penguin

  11. 13
    nigella says:

    sod off

  12. 14
    Papasmurf says:


    Poor gardener, didn’t have a clue what to do.

  13. 17
    Technomist says:

    Love the money tree.

  14. 20
    A Gardener writes says:

    Hopefully he forked and turned over the soil before putting in the plants. and gave them a good watering aswell. They will never bed in properly otherwise.

  15. 21
    Anonymous says:

    Was the gardening performed of the uphill nature?

  16. 22
    Simon Harley says:

    Trespassing scruffs. Nice.

  17. 24
    Give me 650 lamp posts and a roll of piano wire and I can fix democracy says:

    ****************MALIK STEPPING DOWN****************

    Got another fucking Hunt

    • 38
      Doctor Mick says:

      Fucking martyr

      • 224
        ABP says:

        Does that mean that he’ll go to heaven with a hundred virgin wives or is it only if he blows up some innocents that this happens?

      • 510
        wholesale lamposts Inc. says:

        ‘shahid’ means ‘islamic martyr’ in arabic. Cool, eh?

    • 43
      TOO FAR says:

      Boy, there must be many more troughing MP’s shitting themselves The HOC must be full of shit, A clean up bill the taxpayer will welcome.
      This won’t be over till the fat Gorbles sings (confesses to total incompitence and thieving).

    • 56
      Rexel 56 says:

      But he will be back, the “stepping down” is only…

      ……. pending an inquiry into claims about his expenses made in the Daily Telegraph newspaper.

      Standards chief Sir Philip Mawer has been asked to investigate whether the paper’s claims he took subsidised rent broke the ministerial code.

      NO, NO, NO

      The subsidised rent is f**k all to do with it and no doubt he will be found not to have broken the code.

      The issue is whether he should have been reclaiming the £100 per week home in his consituency (and harts off for getting a good deal on the rent) or the £23 grand a year palace in London.

      • 88
        lusakajoe says:

        As he had the flat in london before he was an MP, it seems clear his ‘additional costs’ were the £100 per week in Dewsbury. Even if you allow his london place to be second home, if he didn’t have a telly before he was an mp why does he need one now. He can’t possibly have needed £60k plus of ‘additional costs’. Trougher. Off with his head.

      • 102

        He’d have still had half of a stereo, and a silly massage Chair, even if he bought it in rotherham.

    • 177
      jabithew says:


      Where’s the Hoon expose we’re waiting for with bated breath?

      • 205
        freddie flintoff says:

        no play due to rain o/t malik is a hoon and needs to be brought before the court of public opion

  18. 25
    Alix says:

    That is just fabulous.

  19. 26
    Anonymous says:

    Malik stepping down from ministerial post pending investigation

    • 45
      Right Bastard says:


    • 70
      Cardinal Richelieu's mole says:

      But why step down? This is a blow.

      He proved he was ideally qualified to be a Justice minister in this rotten Government with his myopic view of distingiushing wrong from right! Justice is truly blind with Malik.

    • 232
      halal sausage says:

      He should have been sacked, standing down leaves him with the dignity of claiming innocence. Mind you sacking would have meant GB actually doing something other than dither; not going to happen anytime soon/ever.

  20. 27
    Anonymous says:

    Indeed, another scalp as Shahid Malid steps down ‘to clear his name’…

    Yes !!

    But he won’t be paying any money back – yet !!

  21. 30
    Anonymous says:

    malik has drawn the ”short” straw [!] to be the lightning conductor preventing Ed Balls and Yvette Cooper being toasted…

    • 200
      House of Till Repute says:

      Yes – looks like it. Shame they didn’t tell Malik, because he has managed to stoke up anger no end.

      Another cunning plan backfires.

  22. 31
    Anonymous says:


  23. 33
    Anonymous says:

    What I love about this is knowing that another seismic shockwave is being sent round Westminster as MPs think

    “Who is going to be next ?”

    “How safe am I ?”

    “If I’ve done nothing wrong I’m safe – but just how ‘innocent’ am I ?”

    • 47
      lololo says:

      They keep telling us if you have done nothing wrong you have nothing to fear so we can tell them the same thing,old saying what goes around comes around,bought my pitchfork.

  24. 34
    Anonymous says:

    YES !! That keeps the story at the top of the running order for another day’s ‘news cycle’…

  25. 36
    Dr Feelgood says:

    Nice stunt, but a soft target and Duncan not one of the worse troughers. How about some new mock-Tudor beams for Chez Prescott?

  26. 37
    Anonymous says:

    How much of this toughing is down to jealousy of MEPs expenses?

    • 52
      reg511 says:

      I have at last received a reply from my MP regarding UN Electoral Oversight;

      ‘The UN no longer provides an Election Monitoring service, concentrating instead on offering Electoral Assistance. The Council of Europe and the Organisation for Security and Co-operation in Europe are among the international organisations which do offer election monitoring. However, there are too many elections in any given year for them all to be observed and it has to make a choice about what elections it observes, usually at the request of the host government.

      In the UK the Electoral Commission, since 2006, has been able to accredit observers internally. It remains for the Commission to decide who to accredit, and who to invite to observe local, General and European elections in the UK’

      Any co-conspirators with a spare 5 minutes, please request assistance from MEPs in ensuring Election results reflect the findings of the Court of Public Opinion, and post any responses

  27. 38
    Give me 650 lamp posts and a roll of piano wire and I can fix democracy says:

    Nice to see the BBC not on the job as usual. If you look back to LAST NIGHT Sky News were all over Malik, but the BBC didn’t even have him on their news website they were just talking about Clare Short.

    Only when Sky kept going and the other papers picked up on it did the BBC finally have to turn on a fellow Muzzie.

    Poor BBC.

    • 105
      BBC Monitor says:

      we are rather slow today. we just can’t get the public funding we need to provide the ‘right sort of balance.’

  28. 41
    Anonymous says:

    Shahid Malik is stepping down as Justice Minister pending an inquiry into his expense claims, according to Downing Street.

    • 108
      StrawManJusticeMinister says:

      I’ve this morning completed the inquiry into Malik’s expenses and I, quite honestly, see absolutely nothing wrong with them. He should resume his Justice position immediately.

  29. 42
    Magic_2010 says:

    “End expenses bloodfest” Shahid Malik MP

    Fuck me is he serious?
    “It’s all the media’s fault and if we don’t stop there’ll be no more democracy.”

    The fucking toe rag.

    • 48
      Give me 650 lamp posts and a roll of piano wire and I can fix democracy says:

      Yes, let them go back to being corrupt little Hunts and now following the very laws they expect us to follow.

      If you don’t like it Malik, fuck off and get a proper job.

    • 49
      Captain Mick says:

      It’s democracy, Jim, but not as we know it.

      • 243
        House of Till Repute says:

        Klingons – all over the shop.

        More Dad’s Army than Star Trek – this lot couldn’t even organise a sophisticated scam – no wonder they fought tooth and nail to keep expenses from being published.

      • 305
        Liebour scum total scum says:

        Expenses in the age of Blairite edukashon:
        Can’t add up, doesn’t add-up, won’t add-up
        You owe me anyway.

    • 53
      Beautiful Day says:

      What is someone who has only been in Parliament for 4 years doing as Justice Minister, wouldn’t you expect that post to go to someone with experience and gravitas – or maybe he has,

    • 58
      TOO FAR says:

      Lots more to come, there has to be a GE soon at this rate half the MP’s will be banged up, The basards had it coming. Come on DC sort your lot out pronto. Broon will be left in the shit without any cabinett members, not that they are any use anyway. Incompetent wankers!

    • 60
      Road_Hog says:

      You have to admire his chutzpah.

    • 65
      Chris M. says:

      Classic Labour attack dog tactics. Mention everything that the other side has done ( without qualification ) then appear to be a beacon of light and sweetness in a big bad world. Personally, I’m trying to convince the Revenue that a 40″ plasma screen TV is “wholly and necessarily” vital to my continued existence. They seem to think I can make do with a 14″ cathode ray tube version from my local charity shop. Ho hum…..

      • 262
        Anonymous says:

        I couldn’t agree more, have you seen their latest election broadcast? It’s a disgrace, nothing about what NuLabourious intend to do and lots of ill-conceived and slanderous claims regarding DC. Shocking when coming from the current troughers.

    • 72
      • 424
        Bri says:

        Anonymous at 1-30

        Now you know where Damien McBride went, into the video business.

        It’s got his stamp all over it.

        It didn’t work in Crewe & Nantwich and won’t work in this case.

        People can see that the Labour MPs are fast catching for wealth accumulation at the expense of the taxpayer and soon the Tories will be the party of the poor.

        Twats the whole bunch of them.

  30. 50
    Inspector Knacker says:

    This is totally disgraceful. I cannot condone this sort of flagrant act. ….. NOT charging for your work, and leaving a receipt (please leave amount blank) is very inconsiderate.

    Do you not realise, that even though you did it for free, Duncan NOW needs receipts for it before he can claim £3000 back for “extensive gardening essential and wholly necessary for my work as an MP” because of Cameron’s new rules.

    You are guilty of the criminal act of “not making it easy for an arsehole to steal from the public”, and should be charged, prosecuted and hanged. Your only possible defence is “I am an MP and was working within the rules”

    • 118
      An Englishman's moat is his pension says:

      Wait, and see, in 2 weeks it’ll be on Duncan’s expenses as “Installation of new moat”

    • 331
      City of Vice says:

      Agreed. Duncan is a troughing hoon but criminal damage by some Trustafarians isn’t too tasty either.

  31. 51
    Anonymous says:

    When all the bent MPs are gone – I nominate a telephone box to hold the clean ones.

  32. 59
    Anonymous says:

    Tell you what. If some C unt walked onto my property did that to my Lawn, I’d plant the C unt.

  33. 61
    nigella says:

    pond life – bottom feeders.

  34. 62
    Anonymous says:

    don’t you mean “uphill gardening”

  35. 64
    Anonymous says:

    That’ll teach Malik to profess the “Green Bible”.

  36. 67
    Harriet Harman says:

    Did I say that I do not want to be Prime Minister?

    • 77
      Give me 650 lamp posts and a roll of piano wire and I can fix democracy says:

      Have you still got helmet hair? Get your tits out Hattie and I might vote for you

  37. 68
    AngryWhite Male says:

    Duncan would probably appreciate a bit of free uphill gardening

  38. 69
    Sgt Troy says:

    I do hope all this does not redound to the benefit of that worthless spiv Nigel Farage

    “An MEP from the UK Independence party (UKIP) is under investigation for fraud after embezzling tens of thousands of pounds of taxpayers’ money by pretending to be someone else”

    “HIGH-LIVING Euro MP Tom Wise raises a glass to another rewarding day in Brussels-spent shamelessly DODGING work and SCAMMING a fortune in expenses”

    “Nigel, the son of a stockbroker, used to be a commodities broker on the metal exchange in the City of London: “Bloody good fun, particularly in the Eighties, although I can’t remember most of it, ha!”–and-bloody-foreigners-553972.html

    “Mr Bloom, an investment fund manager from York, told journalists he wanted to deal with women’s issues because: “I just don’t think they clean behind the fridge enough”.

    • 161
      Mr Ned says:

      Tories are bent, Labour are bent, Lib-Dems are bent, UKIP are bent, BNP are socialist scum. Greens are delusional communists that want to make Hitler look like a pre-school classroom assistant.

      That leaves…..


      Do NOT get behind any political party as they are all bent, corrupt, incompetent and full of people who are, by their very behaviour, all FOLLOWERS without an original clue in their heads.

      We need the kind of honest and decent practical solutions offered by decent local independents that will be beholden to their electorate instead of their party!

  39. 71
    I take full responsibility, that's why I sacked the person responsible says:

    Malik resigns

  40. 73
    Doctor Mick says:

    Malik isn’t kosher. Simple as.

  41. 74
    Give me 650 lamp posts and a roll of piano wire and I can fix democracy says:

    Normally MPs visit prisons to see their clients. At this fucking rate we’ll be queuing up ouside the prisons to visit our Mps. Perhaps we should just move Westminster to here?

    MPs protesting that their 40″ plasma TV is essential to their job.

  42. 75
    Ali Martin and the Six Hundred and Forty Six Thieves says:

    Is this any way to run a fucking pantomime I ask you?!

    • 130
      Non Story says:

      Call this a fucking pantomime? It is a fucking massacre a carnival of death an armageddon.

  43. 76
    DEXTERSHUT says:

    Malik has quit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  44. 78
    Inspector Knacker says:

    Right – genuine question for you people….

    We keep hearing that, if it carries on people will be driven into the arms of the BNP, UKIP etc. the people discussing it in the meedya say things like “none of us want the BNP in” ” we dont want this mess to carry on else the BNP, UKIP etc will be voted in” ” We need to concentrate on the issues and sort things out, else people will turn to the BNP, UKIP etc”

    Now, I do not want the BNP in – and I did not want Labour in BUT, because of this thing called DEMOCRACY, people can vote for who they like. So, my question is “who the fuck is going to vote in the BNP, UKIP etc, except for the people of this country?”

    That is how democracy works. Or is the English version of this – “you may vote for Labour, Conservative, Libdem (only joking on that one), Green erm, thats it”

    If they do not want people to vote for the BNP, UKIP etc, then I humbly suggest they get their fucking acts together and make THEMSELVES electable instead of griping that they do not want the minority/nasty parties to get into power.

    I repeat – 1 person 1 vote = you get who wins the election.

    I want the media to stop annoying me by telling me that no one wants the monority parties in when, if they win elections, clearly people do want them in. Or are the English too stupid to be given a vote unless they vote for the 2 main parties?

    All education from you erudite bloggers welcome.

    • 190
      Mr Ned says:

      The media are as much a part of the “Establishment” as the “mainstream” (so-called) political parties. They rely on each other to stay in power.

      The polling organisations also present a false and deliberately misleading picture when they publish political polls, as they never include non-voters in the numbers as this would show that ALL parties are now minority parties. What with the turnout likely to be sub 45% that means that non-voters are actually the single most powerful political block in British politics. This group has more than DOUBLE the support of the biggest mainstream party. Most of them will not vote, because they do not support any of the mainstream parties and do not see the point of voting for anyone else as they FALSELY are (mis)lead to believe that there are not the numbers available to change the balance of power in this country.

      All three (the media, the “mainstream” parties and the pollsters) all have a vested interest in lying to the public and keeping them in the dark about this.

      The last thing the media wants is to let those good and thinking people KNOW that they have the power in this country and they COULD SACK ALMOST EVERY SITTING MP IF THEY CHOSE TO. The numbers ARE there. Hell there are more than double the numbers.

      Do you think that these pissed off people would STILL not vote knowing that?

      It is time to let them know!!!

      • 267
        One party state says:

        Two fantastic posts.

        Thank you for a bringing some sanity to this blog.

    • 341
      I am Sick says:

      “they do not want the minority/nasty parties to get into power.”

      LOL, the nastiest and most viscious party I have lived under is this current ZanuLabour government.

      The shits are absolutely blind to their culpability in all this and their creation of a fascist police state by their own hand.

      Yet they have the nerve to point the finger at others as being bad, spiteful and nasty.

      For fucks sake, do these clowns own any mirrors?

      If they are so concerned ( not just for their lucrative and pampered lifestyles ) I suggest they take a look in them and then, they just might realise why, the small parties are going to kick them in the balls.

      Hypocritical scum.

  45. 79

    YES! : Justice Minister Malik Steps Down.

    Suprised he waited as long as he did.

    Not remotely surprised at the total silence from Gordon Brown on this.

  46. 80
    Anonymous says:

    Something going on with Malik.

    Having seen his performances this morning, I am shocked he has stepped down.

    Sadly, I don’t believe there is any moral value in their motives any more and muse:

    1) Is there a ton of other sh!t on him which hasn’t been released?
    2) The subsidised rent is more of a ruse – I believe he’d be in deeper water for offering the money to local causes – bribing the electorate?
    3) Diversion tactics for some other minister?
    4) Is he going to drag the race card out now?

    • 179
      Devil Rides Out says:

      Totally agree. I too am shocked that he has resigned after his performances this morning. He was so sure of himself. He was due to go on Radio 5 Live after 10 and I listened but he didn’t show. Presumably he has found out about other allegations yet to surface. It has taken days for other Labour MPs to resign and yet this scum resigns as soon as the allegations are out. I reckon that there is additional dirt to come out on this specimen. All down to islamophobia no doubt…

    • 345
      I am Sick says:

      “bribing the electorate?”

      Ah that vibrant and exotic third world pratice, ZanuLabour really are the enemy of civilised behaviour, wherever they flourish.

  47. 82
    Anonymous says:

    Why has Shahid Malik have to step down temporarily. He has done nothing wrong. The Koran allows, and even encourages, muslims to rip off the kaffirs whenever they can.

    • 89
      Anonymous says:

      All these middle eastern religions can’t charge themselves interest, just us.

      It’s cause we are second class humans in their eyes.

      Yet we have to accept their bullshit brainwashing people in our country.

      It’s time to end it, you know where to vote on June 6.

      • 332
        Labour marxist mus*lim scum says:

        Shahid Malik told his adoring burkha clan the other day that, “Inshallah” parliament would have a majority of Mo*slem MPs by 2016.

        (all queuing at the Fees office for guidance on furnishing their Bangla holiday homes?)

      • 550
        Dodgy Bob says:

        Well, if he fucks enuff of em, he will.

    • 275
      GNT says:

      Why if he follows the pillars of Islam does he consort with the rest of the pigs with snouts in the troff? Surely this would make him unclean. I bet he drinks alcohol to boot.

    • 289
      pork in cider says:

      Is he allowed to consort with the rest of the rooting pigs with snouts in the trough? Surely the Koran won’t allow that. especially if it’s with champagne

    • 346
      Mr Ned says:

      The Talmud teaches much the same thing. Zionist Talmudic Jews and Islamics, they are as bad as each other.

      • 468
        Anonymous says:

        It would seem to me the majority of the thieving scum in parliament are christians. Is that because the bible teaches them to be thieves? Of course not, they’re human first, religious second. All religions are just an excuse to do vile things and apologise to your god later. Christians or even athiests are no better or worse than the muslims, jews, hindus…..

      • 551
        Browns Confessional Box says:

        Forgive me Father,for i have sinned.
        It was the system that….

  48. 83
    The Speaker says:

    On the farm, Ev’ry Friday
    On the farm, It’s MP pie day
    So ev’ry Friday, that ever comes along
    I get up early,And sing this little song…

    Refrain 1
    Run, Malik, run, Malik, run, run, run
    Run, Malik, run, Malik, run, run, run
    Bang, bang, bang, bang! goes the voter’s gun
    Run, Malik, run, rabbit, run, run, run

    refrain 2
    Run, Malik, run, rabbit, run, run, run
    Don’t give the voter his fun, fun,fun
    He’ll get by without his Malik pie
    So run, Malik, run, Malik, run, run, run

    Verse 2
    On the farm,No poor Malik
    Comes to harm, Because I grab it
    They jump and frolic, Whenever I go by
    They know I help ‘em, To dodge the Malik pie!

  49. 84
    Anonymous says:

    Margaret Beckett tried to justify the food claims on expenses as they were away from home and had to eat out. What happened to all the lavishly appointed kitchens we bought them?

    • 96
      P1 says:

      Couldn’t Beckett park her caravan on Horsegaurds instead? That would combine holiday and work nicely and save the country a fortune in hanging baskets and food parcels essential to her work as an MP.

      • 164
        Anonymous says:

        and free horse manure

      • 184
        Trought Mask Replica says:

        Manure is also available to those prepared to take 2 minutes out for a bucket recce.

      • 196
        It doesn't add up... says:

        The caravan is the third home she mentioned in addition to her grace-and-favour one. I guess as housing minister it’s important for her to understand how travellers live, and give them lots of yuman rites.

      • 245
        Norman Tebbit says:

        If I’d nkown he was using £380 of taxpayers money for horse shit I’d have taken a dump on his flowerbeds for nothing.

  50. 90
    Would you like a receipt with your cash? says:

    Hello? Gordon, HELLO!!! Anyone there??? Your justice minister has just resigned. Anything to say to all the people who didn’t vote for you???

    • 283
      Hoondon Broon says:

      errrrm… within the rules…ahhh the right thin to do…errrr forming a committee…errrr absolute faith….right person for the job… errrrmmmrrrmm i’m a greedy hoon… eerrrrmmm

      • 442
        Broom Mk 2 says:

        and er it started in America. Yes, yes that’s why it all started, AMERICA!

  51. 91
    VotR says:

    Malik stepping down as a justice minister, another Labour mp suspended, and Balls triple flipping (that’s catchy), what is actually stopping parliament from being dissolved now the government is in tatters and has lost all credibility in the eyes of the public?

    Get it over with Gordon.

  52. 92
    Give me 650 lamp posts and a roll of piano wire and I can fix democracy says:

    What a fucking shock. Daily Politics the BBC have wheeled out two left wing wankers to defend polticians. Clearly McSnots bunker lot have called in a few favours and now want the lobby fodder scum to back them up and that WE are wrong for wanting blood.

    Clearly the left are pissed off that more of them have been shown up as fucking scum.

    • 109
      Give me 650 lamp posts and a roll of piano wire and I can fix democracy says:

      Steve Richards. What a fucking Labour arse licker he is.

    • 470
      Anonymous says:

      The left are as pissed of as the right. This has nothing to do with ideology – it’s about a bunch of thieves voting in rules that allowed them to steal whatever they liked. I didn’t see the Tories standing up for what’s right until they were caught out – just like Labour.

      • 478
        Give me 650 lamp posts and a roll of piano wire and I can fix democracy says:

        Anon: True. But show we a rigt wing reporter who is saying “we must move on”

  53. 93
    Dogger says:

    Revolution is in the air Or is it just Fabreze?

  54. 95
  55. 97
    Non Story says:

    Reason he resigned is because of relationship with the land lord.

    Undeclared financial benefit possibly.

    Sky News

    • 101
      Malik is fucked says:

      Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

    • 102
      Anonymous says:

      There’s fraud here. Malik should be investigated by the police.

      • 127
        Non Story says:

        Fucking obvious innit? The only reason he had a cheap knockdown flat in Dewesbury was so that he could designate his property in Londonas the second home thereby claiming allowances for what was his main home.

      • 469
        jgm2 says:

        Yeah. But that’s not the story. a lot of MPs have cheapo constituency homes to satisfy the residency requirement. The suspicion will be that his mate is getting something in return for the 100 quid rent.

        Possibly over-generous taxpayer sponsored rates on the constituency office?Perhaps putting in a good word for some computer consultancy work his mate was touting? Who knows?

        Might all be above board. Well, as above board as these MP expenses tend to be.

    • 320

      Have we noy heard from other trough pigs that as ministers they HAVE to designate London home as MAIN home, so what was the odious little shit doing still claiming for his place in Peckham when he was a minister?

  56. 98
    Technomist says:

    In 2006 Harry Cohen told the Waltham Forest Guardian: “I see the allowance as an adjunct of my salary. Use it or lose it, and I use it. I believe it’s mine.”

    He is still trying to defend himself:

    The Telegraph has reported that, since the 2004-5 parliamentary year, Mr Cohen has used his second home allowance to charge the taxpayer:

    - £3,031 for a granite kitchen work surface

    - £5,232 for furniture, bedding and decoration materials including paint and varnish.

    - £1,222 for new blinds.

    - £500 for repainting the front of his house.

    - £13.99 for an “old-fashioned” enamel door sign.

    - £25 for a sheepskin IKEA rug.

    - £13 for a garlic press and tin opener.

    - £150 for a vase.

    - £4.25 for baby wipes.

    - £8.75 for men’s shaving oil.

    - £16.95 for a mini deep fat fryer.

    - £4.50 for an “easy slice pineapple set”.

    - £649.99 for a cooker.

    - £3,131.37 on plastering works.

    In November 2005, the Telegraph reports, Mr Cohen sold the renovated home for £249,995 and then bought a new house in Woodcote Road, Wanstead, for £375,000.

    He then claimed £11,250 for stamp duty, £250 in solicitor’s fees and £235 for a buyer’s report on the old house.

    The Telegraph also says he claims back £656 a month in mortgage interest payments. He is already being investigated by the Parliamentary Watchdog over allegations that he broke expenses rules.

    Mr Cohen, who has an annual salary of more than £64,000, has apparently told the newspaper he will pay back for the toiletries.

    • 110
      Andy Carpark says:

      Andrew Rosindell: Jellied eels, £1.31.

    • 159
      The master is coming, the master is coming! says:

      Second Home Allowance? He lives in f*cking London!

      • 195
        Technomist says:

        I wonder why he never compared notes about getting a season ticket for the the tube which he could take to work, like Neil Gerrard in the next door consituency.

        By the way, this report does not discuss the holday home on Essex.

      • 212
        Technomist says:

        Maybe. on the other hand his wife apparently lives in Chelmsford with three cats and a Jack Russell named Rosa, after Rosa Luxemburg.

        His second home is in Wandstead, while he has a gaff in Colchester and also on a nearby caravan site.

        According to the ever reliable Wikipedia, Cohen has received £104,701 over the previous five years under the Additional Costs Allowance for his Wanstead home based upon the representation that this was his second home. The home that Cohen represented as his primary home was a single-bedroom house in Colchester and nearby caravan site, despite the fact that Cohen spends very little time at that location and uses it only as a holiday home.

    • 429
      moralcompass says:

      Thats my kind of Socialist. Is he the chap with the dacha by the sea as his 2nd home? .

    • 454
      Anonymous says:

      This bastard nominated a converted single-romm hut in Stckwell St., Colchester as his main home, thereby claiming thousands on his London house. He also lent out the said hut. If you’re in Colchester, it’s the “outhouse” next to the Town House!!

  57. 99
    Anonymous says:

    This is a complete shambles. The British Parliament is an international laughing stock. We need a general election now!

    • 257
      Papasmurf says:

      On LBC this morning some guy with relatives in Montenegro says that the establishment there are laughing at us (the nation as a whole). Our “mother of parliaments” is being laughed at. Mother of Parliament rather more as an sad old Hooker of one actually.

      • 342
        marxist scum everyone says:

        One more achievement for the snot eating Scot invader, destruction of the Mother of all Parliaments after 600 years, does he get a knighthood for services to Islam?.

      • 371
        Mr Ned says:

        As I have said since 9/11. Labour are a bigger threat to this nation than Al Qaeda. Labour have been proving me right more and more everyday.

  58. 100
    Anonymous says:

    Sky saying reason Malik gone is because of financial benefit possibly received in relation to below market value rent and relationship with other chap. Benefit should have been registered and wasn’t – “a cosy stitch up” says Sky.

    • 208
      simon r says:

      Lets just get this straight – he rents both his house and his offices from the same guy.

      He pays him £100 a week out of his own pocket for the house and £xx from the taxpayer for the office.

      So is he ( or rather we ) paying more than the commercial rate for the offices so that he can live cheaply in that house ?

      Is that about the size of it ?

      This guy is Minister For Justice – let him see the inside of a prison for a couple of years.

      • 225
        Doctor Mick says:

        Did he rent the house at all? Was it just a hundred smackeroos to a mate so he could use his house as a postal address? Is anyone else living there, like the landlord for instance?

      • 263
        Papasmurf says:

        or less for both and pocketing the difference in the office which he claims for? and / or has some other hooky deal with the businessman?

  59. 104
    tie a yellow ribbon says:

    This is like a 1920′s film Tarzan

    • 118
      Andy Carpark says:

      Erm, why?

      Anyway, when Johnny Weismuller was consigned to an old people’s home, the other residents used to complain about him because he used to sit in his room with a rug over his knees making Tarzan’s jungle cry. A senile attempt to reconnect with his glory days, or something.

      • 138
        tie a yellow ribbon says:

        The drums are beating, the electorate are in a frenzy to roast Labour alive

        Unfortunately their only hope is Gordon “Tarzan” Brown, who has shit his loin cloth and his only friend is someone called “Cheater”

      • 147
        Andy Carpark says:

        Is it true that Cheetah is still alive? I’ve seen pictures of a primate answering his description driving an Oldsmobile while slurping on a strawberry milkshake.

    • 150

      You know Cheetah – the original Cheetah – is still alive. Outlived all the humans. Drinks two bottle of Bud a day, lives in an old Chimps home in Florida. I am not making this up.

      But you see, that’s the kind of “Cheetah” people like! Do you get it? See, the chimp is called cheatah, which sounds like cheater, like this prick Malik – but people like cheetah. Do you get it?

      Please yourselves.

  60. 111
    righty right wing (mrs) says:

    McMental is keen not offend the Muslim vote – he is stating quite clearly that Malik will return to office if cleared.

    I smell another Neo Labour Dulux One Coat coming on…….

    • 125
      Anonymous says:

      ….whitewash….get yer daily whitewash……whitewash…..thank you madam…..get yer whitewash…..daily whitewash………

    • 126
      Technomist says:

      Let’s see how slow the wheels of justice grind for the Minister of Justice

    • 155
      An unspeakable, infantile, tawdry little shit, says:

      Aye! ye mus’nae upsae’ ya’ muss’a vot’y mus’ ye?

      It’s arl’ ar’ haev’ nae.

      Min’ ye, – nuthin’s ma’ fult ye un’a’stan’


      We, as the EU COMMUNIST PARTY, tolerators of unrestrained immigration, multiple – what shall we say? – ‘family’ members – and so on, dare not do anything to upset what remains of a pathetic voting cadre.

      Scots gone, Welsh gone, English gone, me out of my head. Oh well, easy come, easy go!

      So, as it’s all gesture politics. he’ll be back soon enough, – as a martyr.

      Mind you nothing is my fault you understand!

  61. 113
    Margaret Beckett says:

    You just don’t understand. None of you. There’s no wonder democracy is falling apart with people like you, you just don’t get it, do you?

    • 117
      Anonymous says:

      We understand about benefit cheating. It’s rammed down our throats night and day in adverts by you lot. No wonder Labour knows so much about swindling, you are at it night and day yourselves.

      • 192
        Margaret Beckett says:

        I’m sorry Anonymous but you just don’t understand. No one understands. It is for me to govern and you to listen. I am not in this position for my own good. I have been elected.

    • 236
      Anonymous says:

      I used to be a very important journalist (Caravanners Weekly) before I was forced to become a very important MP and Minister and I earned far more then than I do now. You little people just don’t understand the sacrifices we make to be in Parliament (blahs on ad infinitum)

    • 406
      Anonymous says:

      Shut up and get a real job.

      You could hire your face out as a cure for hiccups.

  62. 115
    VotR says:

    If Malik’s expenses are going, presumably, to be investigated by the police, then it wouldn’t do for a minister of the Justice Ministry to be seen under suspicion by the police. No wonder he has resigned, he’s obviously looking towards his not so bright future under the scrutiny of old Bill. Ello Ello Ello, citizen Malik.

    Malik is more or less acknowledging he’s a crook. Too bloody right he is.

  63. 116
    Desperate Dan says:

    Since when has vandalism been hilarious. That self-righteous self-appointed avenger probably spent some of his student grant on beer and dope – which would have been a misuse of taxpayers money.

    • 135
      Anonymous says:

      Student GRANT? A little out of touch there pal. They abolished the grant after making full use of it themslves of course. It’s a loan now and as you pay living costs and fees – it’s bloody expensive.

    • 136
      Power2daGardener says:

      A British public aghast at the state of its democracy as highlighted by its scumbagging, sheep shearing, trough swilling pigs of MPs is powerless enough to change things under the rotten constituion of the UK. A little gardening is typically and stereotypically a British way to respond – unless of course you just like writing letters to the Times in protest – oink!

    • 142
      Technomist says:

      Vandalism is often funny. Its just not legal.

      • 321
        Anonymous says:

        there’ll have been a few in Westminster laughing all they way to the bank. funny (to them) but not legal.

    • 154
      Hunky Dunky says:

      I wish some hoom would pop around to my place, plant some nice flowers and then hang money on my trees
      ooo fuck they did
      Double result

    • 162
      Doctor Mick says:

      Indeed, the pen is mightier than the spade.

    • 178
      Anonymous says:

      Student Grant you ‘avin’ a laff ? If you’re lucky you spend 3 years at uni graduate with a first or 2.1 and £20,000 debt and you still can’t get a fucking job even at McDonalds.!!!!

      • 226
        Norman Tebbit says:

        On yer bike.

      • 481
        jgm2 says:

        Yeah but a 2:1 or first in media studies or philosophy or history or English is fucking worthless. McDonalds is too good for ‘em. Get a proper degree. A difficult one. Something that will qualify you to get a job in something other than teaching or call centres.

  64. 122
    TomTom says:

    Well they arrested Damian Green faster than this for the Cabinet Office. Clearly Brown does not care or he would have had his ministers arrested for Fraud……I bet they claim Tax credits too !

  65. 124
    Master Baiter says:

    Regarding other remuneration or second jobs disclosure from 1 July 2009.
    It seems some Conservative MPs resisted the change because they are embarassed by how little they receive for prostituting their name for example to to skuzz ball debt consolidaters and subprime mortgage originators.

    One case being Francis Maude MP for Horsham, Conservative, Shadow Minister for the Cabinet Office and Shadow Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster who was paid a pitifully small amount for being Chairman of ‘Prestbury Financial Ltd’ before it went bust this spring.

    Another case is Eric Pickles Conservative MP for Brentwood & Ongar and Chairman of the Conservative Party who is invlved still with a similar skuzz ball outfits called ‘Financial Limited’ and ‘Spencer Hayes Mortgage Services Limited’.

    • 157
      What Gordon did next says:

      While your mob are hawking Peerages and influence in the house of Lords at car boot sales.

      Jumped up barrow bys to a man

      • 174
        Master Baiter says:

        The point is that they work in the gutter for next to nothing.
        That’s what makes them cringe.

        Because they’re all hat and no cattle.

        On which note where’s Cameron’s erstwhile No.2 flycatcher George Osborne?

    • 168
      Doctor Mick says:

      I know Google has been experiencing technical difficulties recently but even so, you sure could do better than this?


      • 185
        Master Baiter says:

        You’re right part of it is a rehash.
        The original led to half a page in the Observer, sigh, what a coup!
        But sometimes you have to do that to get a point across.
        The British discomfort about class, status and origin is hysterical and a true danse macabre, it’s just luvverly, luvverly, luvverly.

        Seriously, they’re embarassed about how little they get from these ‘all front’ companies.
        Go on you know it!
        Well you do now.

      • 230
        resurgemus says:


        MB just been out all morning turning back the rising tide of neo-fascism didn’t see any of your lot though. I suppose that would all have to be on overtime and there’s no money left.

  66. 128
    Dogger says:

    Utterly OT, but this has to be one of the most amazing photos I’ve ever seen:

  67. 129
    Helen Thomas says:

    Surely Cameron will have to get rid of Maude, Duncan etc. They can’t be used on TV any more (not that they were particularly spectacular or showed great judgement there previously). And they have ripped off the taxpayer. They’re not fit to govern.

    • 166
      Desperate Dan says:

      I’m sure Maude and Duncan have absolutely no shame and and Duncan in particular wouldn’t hesitate to grab the chance to appear on TV. Phil Woolas didn ‘t think twice about appearing on Newsnight last night even though we know his poor wife is obliged to work at Tesco to get the staff discount. Even her clothes and pantyliners come from Tesco so he mustn’t give her much pocket money.

      • 387
        Mr Ned says:

        Are you sure those women’s products are for his wife?

      • 514
        Sloberdown Menob says:

        Mr Ned says:
        May 15, 2009 at 2:35 pm

        Are you sure those women’s products are for his wife?

        One way to tell!
        Lace a pack of them with fiery jack and see which one wins a gurning competition.

  68. 131
    • 398
      Mr Ned says:

      Yup, A commons report that lays the blame for the baking crisis squarely at the door of one Gordon Brown, for his creation of a system dependent on excessive risk taking and lassiaz faire oversight at best.

      So much for started in America. For want of a better metaphor, sure the “motorway pileup” of international finance may have started there, but it was brown stamping on the accelerator whilst looking backwards that caused us to pile into the American’s crash at such speed!

      OUR recession is BROWN’s fault.

      • 404
        Mr Ned says:

        That should, of course, read : “Yup, A commons report that lays the blame for the BANKING crisis ”


      • 484
        jgm2 says:

        Wot da fuck. Surely Brown took care to pack such an enquiry with his own loyal monkeys like every other Labour ‘enquiry’ since 1997?

        Anyway this is no news to anybody with an IQ greater than a jellyfish. We all know the whole clusterfuck can be squarely laid at the feet of the incompetent meddling imbecile, stand up, don’t be shy now, take a bow – let’s hear it for GORDON BROWN!!!!

  69. 139
    'Mr' Shady Malice, a vicious, mouthy little shit, somat ter do wiv 'Justics' innit, says:

    I ain’t done nuffin wrong, innit!

    How do you ‘spect a poor hard working so-sher-lerst loik wot I am to aford ‘arzin’ ‘n that?

    Not like them toffs like Brown, ‘n Darlin, ‘n Bollocks

    I ain’t done nuffin wrong, I tells ya – loik old Brwonstain!

  70. 140
    What Gordon did next says:

    I give you advance notice that upon leaving Parliament I am going to write my memoirs.

    1. Tony – My part in his downfall

    2. New Labour – My part in it’s downfall

    3. The British economy – My part in it’s downfall

    4. Britain – My part in it’s downfall

    5. Bravery – What is it and why didn’t I have it

    6. Honour – What is it and why didn’t I have it

    7. Integrity – What is it and why didn’t I have it

    8. The idiots guide to running an economy (written by an idiot)

    9. Government for Dummies (written by one)

    10. How to cope with Redundancy and how to cause it

  71. 141
    bustop says:

    A lawyer who helped Heather Brooke has just said on 5 live that at the end of the High Court hearing the Counsel for HofC asked for expenses against them to be reduced on account that Brooke’s solicitors should have made them more aware that they (HofC) did not have a good case!!!!!
    So they wasted our money on an appeal to the HighCourt, having changed their legal adviser and seemingly knowing they could not win!!!
    Also note that Heather Brooke says they are still turning down FOI requests but now using to quote Heather “the section 34 exemption of ‘parliamentary privilege’ – which is an absolute exemption against which there is no public interest test.
    This exemption is one of the more draconian and when it was passed it was supposed to be used for only the most sensitive of national security issues. ”
    Crocodile tears at the front deceitful arseholes still shitting on the public behind the scenes. FFS bunch of Hoons

    • 143
      Give me 650 lamp posts and a roll of piano wire and I can fix democracy says:

      The Hunts are just making things worse for themselves.

    • 203
      Anonymous says:

      That’s a costs argument that would go down well in your average county court – thanks for the tip!

    • 488
      jgm2 says:

      at the end of the High Court hearing the Counsel for HofC asked for expenses against them to be reduced on account that Brooke’s solicitors should have made them more aware that they (HofC) did not have a good case

      Ho ho ho. Surely the HoC (ie US) should be suing their own solicitors for not advising them they didn’t have a good case.


  72. 146
    Papiere - zeigen mir Ihre Papiere - schnell! says:

    Ach zo!

    Ze theif Malik haz stepped down? – don’t worry – he’ll be back…

    • 240
      resurgemus says:

      If onlt UKIP trolls could actually speak German instead of nicking all their lines from old copies of Hotspur.

      Try Bunty more your line

  73. 148
    Anonymous says:

    BREAKING NEWS:Justice Secretary Jack Straw drops plans to hold secret inquests without juries

    BBC News

    The road to totalitarian State has a few pot holes now.

    *Smack* Straw down.
    Mr Punch: That’s the way to do it. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

  74. 151
    Anonymous says:


    The systems is at fault – unless you want to be trapped in an endless cycle of blame and no learning!

    Of course, I would now expect this latitude to be extended to public sector systems, allowing them to learn and improve and not to be beaten by centrally-imposed targets and savaged by league tables and inspectors (Audit Commission etc etc).

    The centrally imposed control damage learning. Please let’s get rid of them and let learning break out in the public sector! No more Laming and Darzi – not specialists in service improvement.

    And no more Bichard – an IT consultant! WTF does he know about public sector improvement? He just made millions out of the public sector from IT projects

    • 231
      Give me 650 lamp posts and a roll of piano wire and I can fix democracy says:

      Yes, but who voted for the system? The MPs did. Hazel Blears voted to keep the very system she was critical of which she claimed was to blame in her fake cheque interview.

      We’re not falling for the leftie Wankers on here sticking up for corrupt Socialists.

      • 477
        Anonymous says:

        If you think it’s just the left who are corrupt then you haven’t been watching. Don’t blame it on the left – blame it on thieving politicians of all stripes.

      • 528
        fanny by gaslight says:

        He isn’t blaming just the lefties as troughers. He’s blaming the leftie apologists for leftie troughers who pop up on this board when not engaged in self-abuse.

      • 541
        Give me 650 lamp posts and a roll of piano wire and I can fix democracy says:

        Fanny: Well said. It’s only the left wing twats like Steve Richards whining now. Tory scumbags need cleaning out. So long as Cameron keeps putting the boot into his own corrupt MPs the public will like it. But as soon as the wet liberal press start saying “we must move on” you know that something stinks.

  75. 158
    Anonymous says:

    Has brown ever made a decision in his life? Why dooes he ALWAYS get someone else to do his dirty work for him?

    The latest is that he is asking the adviser on ministerial interests to look at Malik then report back. So yet again he has passed the buck.

    He didn’t have the guts to personally knife Blair and so it goes on.

    • 172
      Doctor Mick says:

      If you don’t make decisions, you can’t be held responsible if they go wrong. But it’s dead easy to claim credit for other people’s endeavours.

  76. 165
    I've Shagged Darling's eyebrows says:

    Mr Duncan was outraged by the stunt which he has reported to Leicestershire police.
    He said: “I know people are angry with MPs but however angry they are, breaking into a property and doing damage like this is not an acceptable way to behave.
    “I haven’t done anything wrong and there is a big difference between my constituents being angry and these people coming up from London to do something like this.”

  77. 167

    Can I just say I am fucking loving this. I’m no longer really keeping track of who is the biggest thief or which party is scamming most, I’m just enjoying the spectacle. y’know, christians getting eaten by lions or lions getting beheaded by christians, it’s all good entertainement, I’m easy. Just so long as some of these fuckers end up drinking lighter fluid on the embankment, I’ll be happy.

    Atlas Shrugged is right up above though – this is just a distraction from our ritual buggering by the powers that really be, but we might as well enjoy the distraction.

    There is only one thing that worries me – that the *power* and *potency* of our reaction – particularly online – may be what they wanted to observe.

    Remember Zulu? The old chief…
    “What is he doing?”
    “He’s counting your guns. Counting your guns with the lives of his warriors”

    This could be a test of strength.

  78. 169
    Shahid Malik's Magical Mystery Tour says:

    Self styled Magician, Illusionist & Escapologist Shahid Malik, regarded by many as ‘Britain’s most exciting Magician’, has entertained & mesmerised audiences the world over with his highly original style of entertainment.

  79. 170
    John says:

    I have a request – could someone find a video clip the excellent Christian Bale tantrum/swear-a-thon (from the Batman Forever set) and edit in with some of the recent question time footage. Bale’s profanity is among the finest I’ve ever heard, and it would no doublt be most satisfying to hear it electronically redirected toward some people we’d all like to swear at.

    There are also some marvellous angry stares from audience members – one young woman and oneung man in particular. Maybe include those and shop in some laser beams?

    thanks in advance

  80. 176
    Shahid Milkit says:

    My new shop will be open next friday from 7 am to 12 pm
    I will be offering a 10 % discount to all of Guido readers
    Alcohol, fags, mags and sundries
    Please dont ask for credit or I will have 10,000 Muslims march upon your house and kill you
    Shahid your friendly local corner shop keeper

    Yorkshire born ,Yorkshire bred
    And I take you all for being thick in T’ head

    • 216
      It doesn't add up... says:

      Sorry… we don’t do fags here. It’s against the rules in the Green Book.

    • 520
      Mr Ivor Pett-Whippet. says:

      Why would I travel to Yorkshire when I can get this stuff cheaper of me Ice Cream Van man, man?

  81. 180
    Just wondered says:

    If Morley gets sacked and / or goes to jail – does he keep his pension?

  82. 181
    Methinkshe says:

    With apologies to Rudyard Kipling.

    If you can keep your head when all about you
    Are claiming that you’ve picked the public purse,
    If you can kid yourself though all men doubt you,
    That other politicians have done worse;
    If you can bleat and not get tired of bleating,
    And wresting the truth, ignore the facts,
    Or being fingered, claim that it is baiting
    By journos out to stab collective backs:

    If you can dream of a portfolio
    Of properties at taxpayer expense;
    If you can bend the rules and sink so low
    And treat allowances as honest recompense,
    If you can’t bear to hear the truth be spoken
    And wriggle out by blaming the rules
    And watch the things you’ve scammed become a token
    Of your venality, and taking us for fools:

    If you can make one heap of all your profit
    And plead to Paxo that you’re clean and sound
    That it’s the system that’s at fault – you’ve got it -
    The public is too thick to understand;
    If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
    To defend the indefensible and then
    Hold on to your ill-gotten winnings,
    Through flipping to avoid a capital gain;

    If you can talk to your electors and defend your
    Claims for food and plants and sundry bits and bobs,
    While enacting laws to prosecute the poor
    Who over-claim on tax-credits, poor sods;
    If you can fill a Paxman interview
    With sixty seconds’ worth of self-defence,
    Yours is the earth for the taking, Magoo,
    And – which is more- you’re an MP, you ponce!

    • 277
      M.T.BUCKET says:

      You’re a man my son.

    • 543


      OCH AYE
      OCH AYE
      OCH EYE

  83. 182
    Anonymous says:

    Duncs has reported it to the Plod..

    What’s the betting they will prosecute? All the evidence is on Youtube so they won’t have to beat a confession out of the sod attacker.

    Now what’s the betting the same plod would not investigate an MP fiddling (stealing) thousands of pounds?

    Ps, if the dude returns the sods back will he be let off?

  84. 186
    Anonymous says:

    Steve Richards on Daily Politics worries that the public are getting carried away and that they should get a sense of proportion over this matter and that the audience’s reaction in last night’s Question Time was disgraceful as they were shouting down MPs !!!!!!!!

    There’s a tsunami approaching Steve .You and the rest of the political “elite” still think it’s just a little wave of public indignation.Better take cover because when it hits it will wash everything away with it !

    • 215
      Andy Carpark says:

      “Monkeys have regrets just like humans – at least when they’re playing Deal or No Deal”–theyre-playing-Deal-No-Deal.html

    • 255
      Doctor Mick says:

      My old dad used to say if the Labour Party put up monkeys, they’d still vote for them.

      Well so would I if they could show a little remorse.

      • 444
        Sir William Waad says:

        Tory MPs are more likely to be baboons than monkeys – noisier, more aggressive and more colourful.

    • 465
      moralcompass says:

      Steve Richards is a class A idiot. Sense of proportion? WHAT. I might have a sense of proportion about it if we were not so badly governed on nearly every issue. Constant cock ups and lies and now shamefaced corruption. I remember his”If you dont vote for Ken you are all idiots” bit last year.

      That magnificent old loon William Burroughs had it right 40 years ago

      ” Shallow, unworthy, authority…running on a platform of Bullshit”

      • 492
        jgm2 says:

        I’d like to invite Steve Richards to go and fuck himself. Shouting down MPs if you please.

        Any other week on Question Time you’ll have one of the usual shrill talking-head Labour wimmin MP’s giving it ‘What you have to remember…’ or ‘If I could just finish…’ and then reeling off some load of shit that has fuck all to do with the question posed.

        Fuck off. We’re all sick of it. Been sick of it for years. It’s a fucking good job you got to cry your crocodile tears over Hungerford and Dunblane because it gave you fuckers the excuse to disarm us because you want fucking shooting. The lot of you.

        You inherited a solvent, booming economy and you pissed the whole lot away. And we have literally nothing to show for it. Worse, we have less than nothing. You have created massive ongoing costs and liabilities that we have no way of affording.

        You should be glad folk are only shouting you down instead of fucking hunting you down.

        Now fuck off.

  85. 188
    Anonymous says:

    The BBC appears to have dropped its Politics page from the News website:

    Is it just me, or has the Beeb given up on reporting politics because it’s too embarrassing to their lords and masters?

  86. 189
    Cheech Marin says:



  87. 191
  88. 193
    Anonymous says:

    Interesting comment in Telegraph website.

    Apparently Malik refuses to take a full ministerial salary.

    Any ideas?

    Faith & honest work and all that maybe?

    • 214
      Tattooed_Arry says:

      He can’t be seen by his constituency to be accepting “blood money” from the Kufar/Crusader State.
      Rather like the Sin Fein refusal to swear allegiance, inconvenient but satisfies their constituency.

    • 237
      Norman Tebbit says:

      He wasn’t a full minister? Those with the empty bellies are the worst.

    • 241
      NewGirl says:

      really? find it very hard to believe that’s true because he didn’t mention it when he was doing his I’m starighter than a die and anyone who says otherwise is a racist bigot diatribe this am….

      • 270
        resurgemus says:


        did you ever get an answer on Baroness Uddin ?

      • 322
        NewGirl says:

        Nah. Course not. Nor Moran. MT doesn’t do balance.

      • 343
        NewGirl says:

        Soz. Meant MB. In my head he’s Master Tosser.

      • 529
        fanny by gaslight says:

        Sorry – I confused you with Margy earlier on, when I pressed Master Redrag for an answer on Moran. Still didn’t get one.

    • 248
      Tattooed_Arry says:

      Yes thought so, just quickly googled Shahid Malik, MPACUK – Muslim Discussion Forum has a number of posts from his Brothers and Sisters from Dewsbury who see Malik as a collaborator e.g.

      “this is what happens iwhen a muslim gets into any high position.. when a jew gets in they will try to serve their community best.. or a hindu or sikh.. but a muslim when ever they get into high position they like to look down all other muslims and start to compromise and be friendly with the kuffar.”

      As I said he was probably worried about accepting the Kufar money as it might be seen that he was bought and paid for by the Blair and later Brown Crusaders. Easier to say he wouldn’t take a salary and make up the difference with the expenses he was able to claim.

  89. 201
    Anonymous says:

    The mayor of Middlesbrough , Ray Mallon has written to the Metroplitan Police Commissioner, asking him to look in to the possibility of fraud with regard to MPs expenses. He is an ex-police office, morning all, and quoted the act itself and he seems to think there are grounds for possible prosecution. I mean that’s all well and good, but I’ve told you before, these are MPs!

    He also said that there is only one person, not withstanding peoples own rules even, that could not be prosecuted for a crime. I’ll leave you all to guess who that is.

    I live in hope(yes just outside Essex) that measures are now in place for them to be strung up. Light blue touch paper and retire, yummy!

    • 204
      Anonymous says:

      He might even be an ex police officer, sorry about that

    • 213
      Groucho says:

      Ray ‘Robocop’ Mallon on the case!

      You have 10 seconds to comply

      • 218
        tie a yellow ribbon says:

        i heard the phrase “swinging the blue lamp” last night – is this something to do with dogging?

      • 261
        Doctor Mick says:

        Zero Tolerance Mallon is a taxpayer too.

        And very keen to distance himself from the Labour Party troughers with his next election in mind.

        Mind you, any bloke who can reduce crime in the Boro is not a man to be trilfled with. You will not receive another warning.

    • 317
      Don King says:

      Yeah Ray – but ASHOK KUMAR (Lab, Middlesbrough South) has claimed more expenses than all the disgraced MPs so far.

      Deal with the koonts close to home first Ray.

      • 328
        Anonymous says:

        thats exactly why he has written to the met commissioner cos Parliament is in London’s jurisdiction.

  90. 206
    Blue&Proud says:

    Shahid Malik has stepped down

  91. 207
    Anonymous says:

    POUND FORCE has just made the BBC One O’clock News !!

  92. 223
    The master is coming, the master is coming! says:

    I wonder just how far Sky will go on the Malik / Zaman issue?

    I doubt they want to put the Quatar Airlines* sponsorship in jeopardy.

    *National Airline – Government Owned – The leader gave a big high five and cuddle to the Sudanese leader at the last Middle East confrence….you know, the one wanted for war crimes.

    • 242
      Give me 650 lamp posts and a roll of piano wire and I can fix democracy says:

      At least Sky report this stuff. Malik got a free pass from the BBC across all networks until their hand was forced.

      The BBC couldn’t wait to spend our fucking money on a helicopter flight over some Tory MPs house looking for his non existent heli pad. I didn’t see Hunts like you protesting the BBC were going over the top then you Hunt.

      Just because your sleazy left wing mates have been found out, you’re all upset with the media.

      Week after week on the BBC Tories get beaten up by left wing public sector heavy audiences (like Eric Pickles) on QT but when some horse faced old left wing hag gets a kicking “oh dear this has gone far enough” shit appears on the left wing blogs.

      Fuck off. Malik should have his thieving little fingers chopped off as should Morley.

      • 308
        The master is coming, the master is coming! says:

        Sorry 650, I’m far from having left wing mates, have you seen any of my other posts? My disdain for the BBC is actually a gazillion times greater and is already covered by the great many posts here.

        I’m only questioning Sky taking money from a company owned by a government that supports genocide of non-mus lims in Sudan.

      • 359
        Devil Rides Out says:

        Sky is not beyond reproach – the same as all mainstream media. Nevertheless, I have watched Sky all through this as I believe them to be the best news channel on tv. The BBC are off the scale and do not even warrant comment. I would also question Sky’s sponsorship by Quatar Airlines. It is a musilim country and I do not believe that these people should be involved in any financial sponsorship of organisations in this country, whether it is football teams, universities, building mosques etc etc – let alone a news channel.

      • 414
        Give me 650 lamp posts and a roll of piano wire and I can fix democracy says:

        299: I don’t care what towel heads get up to outside of the UK. I only care about what goes on in the UK.

  93. 227
    The master is coming, the master is coming! says:

    I wonder just how far Sk y will go on the Mal ik / Za man issue?

    I doubt they want to put the Quatar Airlines* sponsorship in jeopardy.

    *National Airline – Government Owned – The leader gave a big high five and cuddle to the Sudan ese leader at the last Mi ddle East confrence….you know, the one wanted for war crimes.

  94. 233
    It Adds Up Alright says:

    Malik expects to get his job back.


  95. 234
    Geoff Hoon says:

    Having watched this dreadful Labour election video I thought I would adapt it to represent my views.…rdon-brown.html

    On June 4th 2009 Vote No to Gordon Brown – vote and register a protest vote.


    all videos

  96. 244
    Malik says:

    Is it ’cause ‘Iy is Black?

    • 260
      Give me 650 lamp posts and a roll of piano wire and I can fix democracy says:

      It’z coz you is cheating arrogant little turd.

    • 265
      A copper monitoring your IP address says:

      lets not get carried away

    • 471
      moralcompass says:

      yes it is. and imperialism. and the Israels. and the freemasons. and the Knights Templar.

    • 482
      Anonymous says:

      No, it’s cos you smell you ugly bastard. Oh, and the thieving thing….

  97. 247
    Galloping Gurner says:

    There really is no sign of reform from this lot.
    Their arrogance is palpable. Until the first one is literally put into prison they will NOT see reason.

  98. 251
    Deep Throat says:

    I bet Malik’s landlord will soon be departing for an extended stay in Dubai. Around about the same time the investigation starts heating up…

    • 539
      Fatwaaaaaa says:

      the nutter’s from the foothills of the Kush, be hiring the goatherd to move him and his tribe back to the homeland lamenting the luxuries of Fatwastan UK

  99. 252
    Magic_2010 says:

    Labour are panicking. First some attempt to deflect expenses with some ‘revelation’ about Fred the Shred and now Jack Straw is dropping a plan into inquests without juries?? Two in one day.
    New Labour.

    • 296
      It doesn't add up... says:

      Ve haf ways….

      “He added that where it was not possible to proceed with an inquest under existing arrangements, the government would consider establishing an inquiry under the Inquiries Act 2005 instead.”

    • 306
      Cardinal Richelieu's mole says:

      To be fair to Jack, it is a good day to bury “capitulation to decency” news.

      • 440
        Mr Ned says:

        Capitulation to decency? From this lot? There is not a single decent strand if DNA between the lot of them. I don’t trust them one bit, what are they planning that is even worse?

    • 493
      jgm2 says:

      Dropping a plan to have inquests without juries? Rolling back his plans to ‘streamline’ justice by cutting out the boring old jury. He must be desperate. Still, it represents a solid climb-down from his decade long assault on civil liberties. It’s actually pretty big news albeit negative for the government.

      I live in anticipation of seeing Jack Straw tried and tried again for some thought-crime invented by the next government. Re-appraise him of the need for double jeopardy. The fucking idiot.

  100. 258
    Give me 650 lamp posts and a roll of piano wire and I can fix democracy says:

    does anyone known if the German pilots who did this are still alive? I’d like to

    1. Salute them for their effort

    2. Ask them if they’ like to try again

  101. 259
    Rocket Man says:

    If I was an astronaut, could I explore your anus?

  102. 271
    Dr Society says:

    You ALL need to check this out.

    Were Kirkbride’s stalker stories a “wasting police time” fabrication to keep her address out of the public eye? here:

    Was her aim to prevent lazy desk bound journalists from simply looking at two bits of paper that would have shown her address and her husbands and that they were double claiming?

  103. 272
    I'll have some of that says:

    Generation of vipers…….from the Times on the “suspended” peers failures to “act on his personal honour”:

    “Lords Snape and Truscott argued that there was no modern legal definition of “honour”, while Lord Taylor described it as an “arcane term dating from the time when escutcheons were blotted and political life was lived in gentlemen’s clubs”

    Utterly without shame, bereft of even the concepts of decency, truth, honour or respect, we are to be spared the depredations of these freeloading scum for – oh about 6 months…..

    There is no future in this open sewer of a banana republic for anyone who wishes their kids to grow up straight and true.

    Thanks ZaNu Labour for your brilliant and consistent application of moral relativism and gross hypocrisy for the past 12 years, and thank you too to those arrogant Tory bastards too fucking thick to grasp that they needed to be any different.

    • 495
      jgm2 says:

      Brilliant. I did not have sexual relations with that woman. From the party that reneged on a manifesto promise to hold a referendum on the Lisbon Constitution on the grounds that the name had been changed to ‘Lisbon Treaty’ we no have the defence that they cannot be expected to behave with honour because the dictionary definition is out-dated. Fucking fantastic.

      I can’t wait for one of the ‘honourable’ Labour gentlemen in the HoC to complain that they can’t be expected to behave honourably because the dictionaryu definition is a bit archaic.

      Do you know what you fuckers? I can’t be expected to obey the fucking law because a lot of it was written over 100 years ago. How do you think that will go down with the judge?


  104. 274
    Pissed off voter says:

    In light of current scandals, I googled Elizabeth Filkin to see who had been instrumental in her downfall. This one, from the Guardian no less, names a few. Can you guess what sleazebag is first in the list?

    • 288
      Anonymous says:

      How did I just know the answer to that.

      Can’t believe he’s got off so lightly…..

      Or has he?

      Are the Telegraph so skulduggerous (real word?) as to publish someone’s claims letting them think they’ve got away with it….

      ….only to deliver the coup de grace in a future publication.

      have to say, think it was a bit of a damp squib today. If that’s it from the Telegraph I think they’ve done it wrong. Should have saved teh best till last.

      • 306
        Groucho says:

        Sometimes they save the best for the Sunday edition.

      • 337
        Margy says:

        According to Ben Brogan on QT last night, the DT haven’t been through all the documents yet – there are so many! So who knows what may crop up in the future.

        I think this expose is far from over.

    • 290
      Anonymous Proxy says:

      Vaz is a reptile.

      He is without doubt the slimiest thing that crawls in the passages of Westminster.

      Unfortunately Leicester East is now so chock full of immigrants and spongers that we’ll never get rid of the disgusting fucker.

      • 292
        Give me 650 lamp posts and a roll of piano wire and I can fix democracy says:

        Yes we can. I want the south east of England to become an independent state. Fuck the rest of England. You can have Sharia law and Halal meat.

      • 304
        The long term planning department says:

        Has anybody seen my polonium-210

      • 328
        TheCourtOfPublicOpinion says:

        285: No problem with that, just remember to take back the nuclear power stations all the honourable members in London voted should be built as far away from London as possible.

      • 340
        NewGirl says:

        Shakes head sadly….Clearly you just racist Anon…Vaz is a fine upstanding man of integrity, just like Malik.

      • 350
        Anonymous says:

        Never say never!

      • 479
        Give me 650 lamp posts and a roll of piano wire and I can fix democracy says:

        328: Actually I live not very far from a nuclear power station at Dungerness thanks.

        Are there any in Leicester or Bradford?

    • 291
      It's all Balls says:

      Great link – this needs a repeat airing. Perhaps the Beeb. They’re experts at repeats.

      They’re also good at gardening programmes. Perhaps Gardeners World will do an Alan Duncan makeover special?

    • 309
      K.Vazoline says:

      I am only reputed to be oleaginous and unctuous.

      You can’t believe everything you read, you know.

  105. 280
    • 295
      Anonymous Proxy says:


      Says angry, bearded goat fucker.

    • 346
      Shahid Malik says:

      In my experience i have found that thieving, greed, corruption and rotten to the core is hard wired into these bastards, its what they do best.
      Thieving pigs when it suits them.

  106. 294
    Papasmurf says:

    I am not suggesting that Frank Field has anything to hide. But as he has published his expenses for 2 years I had a go at downloading them only to be greeted with this window…………….

    “Couldn’t open the file. It may be corrupt or a file format that Preview doesn’t recognize.”

    What does my computer know and not willing to tell me?

  107. 298
    Mark says:

    Malik’s gone

  108. 311
    Moley says:

    I pledged £100.00 on Guido’s Blog for the private prosecution of criminal MPs.

    I am not a politician and I keep my word.

    I confirm that I have just now paid £100.00 to the Tax Payers Alliance for the private prosecution of criminal MPs.

    Why tax payers should have to fund the CPS through their taxes and pay again to do its job for it, is another matter.

  109. 313
    Anonymous says:

    Duncan withdrawn from tonights Any Questions, not because he,s in “Trouble” David Dimbleby radio 4 He has a Constituency meeting . mmmm deselection?

    • 348
      Anonymous says:

      Duncan’s troughing is small beer compared to the real pigs like Malik, Balls/Cooper, Keens, Mackay, Hoon, Darling, Blears etc.

  110. 333
    Anonymous says:

    Zaman representative on Sky disputing Zaman being a slum landlord – he’s accredited with local council (yes that makes all the difference) but refusing to comment on Malik’s rent as it’s a matter between Zaman and Malik. All a bit pointless really.

    • 357
      Motley Crew says:

      Some of the Dewsbury councillors who approved Malik’s landlord ?

      • 368
        Anonymous says:

        Dewsbury is a corrupt shithole run by the Labour muslim mafia. Since Anne Cryer left, Keighley has gone the same way.

      • 401
        Postal voter scam ahead says:

        …as unfortunately are so many other areas invaded by Fatwa monkeys, I give you Bu*rnley and Bl*ackb*urn for starters.

        Try finding out the correlation between the mafia monkeys and the number of postal votes in the constituency then worry about the next election.

    • 392
      VotR says:

      The Yard should apply the thumbscrews to impress on him just how much it isn’t just between just him and Malik, due to the fact the public was paying Malik’s rent.

  111. 336
  112. 338
    Anonymous says:

    I’m told the little people are revolting.

  113. 344
    Anonymous says:

    Dermot Murnaghan on Sky News just wiped the floor with Margaret Beckett when she demanded to know how much he is paid.

    He gets paid by Sky, not by the taxpayer, you stupid, arrogant, old hag!

    • 354
      Anonymous says:

      Beckett claimed for garden gnomes and a portable chemical toilet. Really!

      • 362
        R.McGeddon says:

        Looks like Hazel Blears has got a second job as well as a second home.

    • 467
      Groucho says:

      Ma Beckett still isn’t getting it, is she.

      Her performance on QT last night was woeful. Arrogant, patronising and totally unrepentant. Just what the public wants to hear right now, the stupid old ratbag.

    • 497
      jgm2 says:

      Ha ha ha ha ha. Silly old sausage. Thought they’d come up with the answer to MP’s salaries and expenses being extortionate – just toss the question right back at the interviewer. That only works with the BBC love.

  114. 353
    It doesn't add up... says:

    More from the Court of Public Opinion:

    Jury verdicts on a bunch of Tories at the link

  115. 357
    Olaf says:

    If Dave wants to impress Joe Public he should call in plod against his own people.

    Someone needs to go to jail before the mob will be even slightly satisfied.

  116. 360
    Master Baiter says:

    If Barack Obama can emerge from the Chicago Democrat machine to become President of the United States of America, then Shahid Malik could become Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain.
    Both have the advantage of being intelligent.

    • 369
      Laugh ? I nearly paid for my own meals ! says:

      and if pigs could fly the price of bacon would go up.

      • 431
        Master Baiter says:

        He came across fine in the midst of the storm.
        He’s the right age.
        People 40 and under have no problem with different ethnicity.

      • 436
        not a very good joker says:

        A pig flew over downing street.

      • 448
        resurgemus says:


        guess I must be old, I can remember when Labour was a political party and not a property conglomerate

    • 451

      unlike yourself

    • 474
      moralcompass says:

      now you are just trying to wind us up! Funniest thing I’ve read today. If you really mean it funnier still. That means you are not just partisan but deluded as well. Exhibit No.1

      Sky News asked Shahid Malik today: “Can I ask you why an £800 massage chair is so important for you?”

      Malik: “I would have more respect for you if you were right about the figures. You know full well it’s £730.”

      With intelligence like that he could go far…


      • 499
        jgm2 says:

        Very Nu-Labour kind of reply though. Go after your pedantic minor error and totally ignore their own monster cock-up.

        It is the technique of a very stupid person. Or rather it appeals to the very stupid supporters of a very stupid person.

    • 498
      jgm2 says:

      That’s what they said about Gordon Brown. Intelligent.

      Clearly not as intelligent as he thinks he is.

  117. 365
    Master Baiter says:

    If Barack Obama can emerge from the Chicago Democratic machine to become President of the United States of America, then Shahid Malik could become Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain.
    Both have the advantage of being intelligent.

    • 386
      Anonymous says:

      If Bush had been PM the left would definitely have won here as well.

    • 396
      resurgemus says:

      Doubt it , unlike you he doesn’t have the advantage of a private education.

      • 475
        Master Baiter says:

        Regarding Shahid Malik’s rented house in Dewsbury, if you search on Rightmove you will find several houses to rent for £100 per week or less.

      • 535
        Dr Feelgood says:


        Not for a property of equivalent quality. Don’t try and spin the facts.

    • 402
      M.T.BUCKET says:

      If you cant think of anything different/inteligent to say keep quiet.

    • 487
      Barack Obama says:

      and if you put lipstick on a pig, it’s still a pig.

      • 515
        "For the restless, not the true believers, this one's for you.." says:

        I remember when the expression was ‘a pig in knickers’…how time change…..

    • 517
      "For the restless, not the true believers, this one's for you.." says:

      The Obama Deception

    • 536
      Dr Feelgood says:

      That is the stupidest remark you have made (so far), and it had to face some pretty stiff competition.

      For a start, how can you see that shifty, duplicitous, bent, low-life crook as leader of the Labour party?

      Actually, you might have half a point there. Yes, he would fit that role very well.

      But PM? It must be your medication time.

      • 538
        NewGirl says:

        When MB says stuff like that I just remember he’s insane and there’s no point responding to a madman

      • 547
        Dr Feelgood says:

        You’re right NewGirl. Just feeding the troll, sometimes can’t help it.

  118. 366
    Anonymous says:

    The biggest troughers are all Labour (Balls, Hoon, Darling, Malik, Blears etc) apart from one Tory: Andrew Mackay.

    Cameron should withdaw the whip and put the ball in Brown’s court.

    • 384
      It's all Balls says:

      I think the Wintertons will be near the top of the troughing league.

      I can’t wait to see the back of this Government, but this issue isn’t party political. It’s political full stop.

      They’re all at it with a few exceptions.

      I’m a staunch Tory but would have no pleasure in following a flag which merely claims “we’re not as bad!”

      • 521
        fanny by gaslight says:

        I think the intended flag states “We are dealing with it and it won’t happen again”.

  119. 367
    pint sized prick says:

    Duncan continues to test the patience of his colleagues and the credulity of the public. He must be asked to leave. You can’t send him out in public. Someone will present him with garden sheers. You can’t put him on TV. He’ll drive voters away.

  120. 372
    It doesn't add up... says:

    This blog doesn’t like links to conservative home it seems. However, there is a nice poll from the court of public opinion on the merits or otherwise of deselecting a number of Tories to be found there.

  121. 373
    Sir Reginald Titbrain says:

    O/T but

    …Postal workers are refusing to deliver …….election leaflets because they object to its “right-wing rubbish”….

    TNT won’t look after us like this

    Yes folks, the Heath Service might be crap, education is definitely screwed, the Police are loosing the ability to walk and our MP’s can’t afford their own grub but one service rises above all this tedium and mediocrity to ensure that only wholesome fare is delivered to your door whether you like it or not. Let’s hear it for the Thought Police, Post Office Section.

    Mind you, it’s getting a bit like that here as regards the …. getting a mention, even if you want to call them a bunch illegitimates.

    • 382
      Anonymous says:

      This is a dangerous step. Members of a union which donates to the Labour Party refusing to deliver leaflets supporting the opposition. What price democracy and independance ?

      • 391
        It's all Balls says:

        We’re getting better inight into the “price of democracy” as each day unfolds

      • 395
        Anonymous says:

        Sack the bastards. They’re probably the ones who steal half the post anyway.

    • 388
      Anonymous says:

      So some bloody postman decides what election leaflets I can or can’t read now, eh?

      I was against privatisation but now I’ve heard this I think we’ll be safer letting TNT take over. At least the unions don’t dictate to them, and to us.

      • 397
        Anonymous says:

        Some posties were caught binning thousands of UKIP leaflets in Manchester.

        Who’s next? Tories, Lib Dems?

    • 394
      It doesn't add up... says:

      Stupid thing is they’d probably stand a better chance of job preservation than under Liebore

      • 400
        Anonymous says:

        All the staff in my local sorting office are Nigerian. I don’t have anything of value sent to me by Royal Mail anymore.

      • 413
        Dear Brother in God Ive got 40 squillion in gold bullion waiting for you just send me your bank acco says:

        so thats where the 404 scammers are hiding these days.

    • 419

      They should be fired in a fucking second. Gross misconduct. Christ that’s the most outrageous thing I’ve heard all week – even in this week!

      • 452
        Mr Ned says:

        And charged with interfering with her majesties postal service, a criminal offence.

    • 500
      jgm2 says:

      That’ll force a re-think from Labour on the privatisation. Hmmm, we control what they see an hear and now we can control what they readd? Hmmmmmm.

      P45′s all round chaps. Issue the Poles with their mailbags.

  122. 374
    Tellies says:

    I suppose all that’s left to say is: God Save the Queen! – and – can we start smashing the cameras now?

  123. 375
    Anonymous says:

    +_+_+_+_+_HUMBLE PIE, NEW LABOUR STYLE_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_

    At the hearing regarding the House of Lords ‘cash for amendments’ scandal….

    Lords Snape and Truscott argued that there was no modern legal definition of the term “honour”, while Lord Taylor described it as an “arcane term dating from the time when escutcheons were blotted and political life was lived in gentlemen’s clubs”.

    2 of the 4 got off and the 2 will be back in the Lords after 6 months.

    I’m spitting bloody tacks. How can anyone bring up kids to be honest, hard working and pleasant with this bunch of wankers cascading their bullshit down.

    • 383
      Tevye says:

      The shield-like pattern of distribution of the haircoat in the area below the vulva, down to the top of the udder, in the cow. The escutcheon itself is composed of hairs which lie vertically downwards; its edges consist of a well-demarcated ridge created when this vertically inclined hair meets the horizontally inclined hair of the lateral aspect of the thigh. Wishful-thinking herdsmen used to read predictions of milking capacity into the shape of the escutcheon of a dairy cow.

    • 464
      Mr Ned says:

      According to my old copy of Black’s Law, Honor is defined as a verb. To accept a bill of exchange or to pay a note, check or accepted bill at maturity and according to its tenor.

      Therefore it can be defined in law, but not as behaviour acting in integrity.

  124. 376
    Anonymous says:

    Brown refused to answer reporters questions about Shahid Malik. He just rushed past with that weird grin on his face.

    • 380
      Anonymous says:

      He was thinking about buying a Nokia just for Malik.

      • 393
        Anonymous says:

        Malik will have his job back when all the fuss has died down. The islamification of Britain will not be allowed to falter.

    • 411
      Give me 650 lamp posts and a roll of piano wire and I can fix democracy says:

      What grin? The ones that looks like Mandelson has just shoved his fist up his arse?

    • 427
      Terracotta Guerlain says:

      More slap less grin

  125. 378
    Centre Parting says:

    Wasn’t Malik suspended from Test Matches because of a suspect action?

    A complete ‘chucker’!

    • 485
      It doesn't add up... says:

      but he played with a straight bat at No 10 (that’s hard to do, you know)

  126. 379
    shady milkman says:

    you just don’t get it do you, you just don’t get it………leave me alone, go away, leave me alone

  127. 390
    michael says:

    shahid maliks television….a 40 inch soney l.c.d…….i bet this tv is in his london home …he has just said “i have brought an identical set”…can someone ask to SEE both sets because ,in my opinion he is telling porkeys,michael.

    • 403
      Anonymous says:

      Does Malik have two sets of £750 back massagers aswell?

      • 416
        Sharia law hand removal department says:

        He’d better have a second pair of hands too once we’re finished with him

      • 418
        Core? Corr what an arse says:

        “I have not been at the periphery of the rules. I haven’t abused the rules, I have been absolutely at the core of the rules.”

    • 513
      wholesale lampposts Inc. (discounted hemp products) says:

      Good idea. Bit of a coincidence, eh, identical set – yeah, sure Shahid, you corrupt little fuck.

      If he is not deselected as an MP I can guarantee you he will be returned yet again at the next GE to continue his slow jihad – the Ummah supports its own, and postal voting is SO convenient.

      • 531
        fanny by gaslight says:

        Can anyone be an election observer? If so, why not organise a campaign for ordinary people to travel to sharia constituencies for the count and keep an eye on the doings?

  128. 407
    Anonymous says:

    Tony Benn on TV just now: too much fuss is being made about this, it’s all becoming overblown, people should calm down, he doesn’t know any politicians who are on the take, they’re all hard-working, conscientious people etc etc ad nauseum

    • 409
      Give me 650 lamp posts and a roll of piano wire and I can fix democracy says:

      Benn is another HuntE.

    • 421
      The master is coming, the master is coming! says:

      That’s cos his son is in first class on the gravy train.

    • 441
      Groucho says:

      You can almost smell the fear in the corridors of Westminster. They have been rumbled and the level of public anger is starting to sink in.

      The gravy train may be coming to a halt very soon

    • 530
      fanny by gaslight says:

      “people should calm down”

      Did he wear a shellsuit and talk in a scouse accent when sharing this pearl of wisdom?

  129. 408
    The master is coming, the master is coming! says:

    Off topic: Who is ‘toenails’ a reference to?

    • 422
      toenails says:

      mirror’s mcquire

    • 423
      Laughing at Gordon says:

      Nick Robinson, as he is so far up Gordon’s rectum that you can only see his toenails.

      • 466
        Jenni Murray, dugong of the airwaves says:

        Actually, his head now sticks out of Gordon’s gob, like some huge, pale, nightmarish, bald tongue with glasses.

        Hi Nick!

      • 494
        Andy Carpark says:

        Do one, you old boot.

        “So Daphne, how devastated *were* you when your house burnt down?”

        “Ooh, about 75% devastated, Jenni. Tee-hee. Piss, moan. Piss, moan. Aren’t men awful?”

    • 428
      simon r says:

      Nick Robinson on the BBC – because he is so far up Gordon’s arse.

  130. 410
    The master is coming, the master is coming! says:

    Oh, and isn’t a £730 ‘back massage normally an expensive prostitute?

    • 415
      Anon says:

      Is there a branch of John Lewis at Kings Cross?

    • 502
      Give me 650 lamp posts and a roll of piano wire and I can fix democracy says:

      £730 for a whore? Must be a good un.

      • 523
        a former friend says:

        So what’s your limit then, £20.00?

      • 540
        Give me 650 lamp posts and a roll of piano wire and I can fix democracy says:

        £20? fuck that a fiver and she must keep her false teeth in

  131. 420

    Friday afternoon and no Guido caption competition: the definition of hell on earth here in Tuscany.

  132. 432
    shady milkman says:

    how do ya get a fat bird into bed

  133. 438

    The despised BBC just gave me a great plug on a programme I suggested to them.

    I am now conflicted.

    Down with the hated lackeys of the BBC! Except for the good bits of Radio 4! And Top Gear!

    And David Attenborough!

    • 460
      Mr Capsicum says:

      I heard it, Frank. I was slicing up green peppers at the time and thought, “WTF? He listens to this programme?” The presenter’s nudging Ben Goldacre for the Smug Little Git of the Year award

      • 480

        And do I get paid for providing them with topics, context, examples and instances of debate? Do I FUCK.

        Still they did it quite well I thought. Would you like my autograph?

  134. 453
    Cynical Bugger says:

    “the wheels of justice turn exceedingly slow
    though the mills of God grind slowly,yet they grind exceedingly small
    though with patience He stands waiting,with exactness grinds He all.”

  135. 455
    Four-eyed English Genius says:

    I expect he going to stand guard over his rose beds all night!

  136. 456
    Groucho says:

    Grounds for summary dismissal, I should think.

  137. 457
    The master is coming, the master is coming! says:

    Thought so, presumably that’s all he see’s when bent over by McBroon

  138. 458
    jgm2 says:

    Yep. And while they were putting all this fascist apparatus in place (ID cards, abolitionof double jeopardy, 42 day detention without charge etc…) they are making the same mistake they made with Scotland.

    I know, the Labour fuckwits thought to themselves, lets give more power to Scotland. their own little pretendy parliament. Another tier of administartion for worthless fuckwits. But don’t worry, Scotland is Labour territoary. They’ll never vote Tory. We’ve spent the past generation poisoning the minds of everybody in Scotland. That way, even if England goes Tory w’ll always have heaps of safe jobs in Scotland. A whole mini-country to practice our fuckwittery Uber-Alles. A thousand year Scottish-Labour Reich.

    And in less than 10 years, through the most egregious fuckwittery imaginable, they lost Scotland to a bunch of sour-faced nats.

    Same with all this ID card, abolition of double-jeopardy nonsense. Only now is it beginning to dawn on the fucking imbeciles the weapons that they’ve put into the hands of their political enemies. Because, for sure, Nick Griffin will be itching to repay the complement to Jack Straw after being tried for the same jumped-up ‘hate-crime’ allegations.

    Double jeopardy was conceived to make sure that nobody would be tied up in court endlessly on the same charges as a means of keeping political nuisances out of circulation. It has been fundamental to our freedom since Magana Carta and most of the western world and this bunch of fucking evil bastards abolished it.

    For this reason alone they should hang. But I’ll settle for complete political annihilation.

  139. 459

    you could probably entice her in with some crisps, maybe a hobnob on the pillow

  140. 472
    Andy Carpark says:

    +++ Mining the Archives +++

    A potentially topical slice of genius from John Cooper Clarke, 1977


    Read the paper – humdrum
    Henley Regatta – page one
    Eight die – ho hum
    Page three – big bum
    Giving a lunatic a loaded gun
    He walks – others run
    Thirty dead – no fun
    Furious featureless figures of fun
    Do something destructive, chum

    Sit right down – write a letter to the Sun
    Saying “Bring back hangin’ – for everyone”

    The took my advice – they brought it back
    National costume was all-over-black
    There were corpses in the avenues and cul-de-sacs
    Piled up neatly in six-man stacks
    Hanging from the traffic lights and specially made racks
    They’d hang you for incontinence and fiddling your tax
    Failure to hang yourself justified the axe
    A deedely dee, a deedely dum
    Looks like they brought back hangin’ – for everyone

    The novelty’s gone – it’s hell
    This place is a – death cell
    The constant clang of the funeral bell
    Those who aren’t hanging are hanging someone else
    The people pay – the paper sells
    Its plug-ugly sub-animal yells
    Death is unsightly – death smells
    Swingin’ Britain? – don’t put me on
    Looks like they’ve brought back the rope – for everyone

  141. 496
    Dick Cheese says:

    Just heard the Mullah of Dewsbury say ” so I put the claim in and they said ‘it’s over the limit’. So I said ‘what limit? ‘………………

    He really is the titular head of the Troughing Tendency.

    And the Head Hoon himself has refused to accept that his property empire has been augmented by the taxpayer. He thinks that such a suggestion is very unfair.

    Death to troughers.

  142. 501
    Anonymous says:

    Hunky Dunky sat on the wall
    Hunky Dunky had a great etc, etc.

  143. 503
    TheCourtOfPublicOpinion says:

    And STILL not a peep from the Beeb on Balls.
    Lets just hope this 300k wasn’t the bombshell and Sunday is funday.

    • 518
      Give me 650 lamp posts and a roll of piano wire and I can fix democracy says:

      The BBC are trying to kill this whole thing now. The BBC loved it when it was the Tories getting beaten up, but now it look slike McSnots empire may well fall the BBC are under orders to kill the story.

      Expect to see the BBC try to create some Tory scandal over the next couple of days.

      The BBC is full of HuntZ

  144. 506
    TheCourtOfPublicOpinion says:

    Just a moment…

    Whats this 300k about then?

  145. 511
    Anonymous says:

    Cameron announces new expenses rules

  146. 522
    Anonymous says:

    How’s about this from James Purnell’s local rag this week. i particularly liked the bit where he says ‘I think all MPs regret that the current expenses system has brought their integrity into question – even where they have acted with honesty and integrity, as I have’.

    Oh yeah james? Then why have you designated your constituency home in Broadbottom as your main home when you’re hardly ever there?

    Answers on a post card.

    • 525
      fanny by gaslight says:

      Perhap he just likes the broad earthy no-nonsense onomatapaeic sound of his address.

  147. 527
    Anonymous says:

    alan duncan the eighth wealthiest mp in the house !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! who is the wealthiest any chance of a breakdown guido a list of names top to bottom

  148. 532
    Heads on poles says:

    The people that commit trespass and vandalise property are better than somebody screwing expenses how?

  149. 534
    Dr Feelgood says:

    Just catching up on QT from last night.

    MPs getting a lecture on ethics from the MD of McDonalds… they really have sunk very, very low.

  150. 537
    Cynical Bugger says:

    And another thing while we’re on the subject.
    Everybody agrees MPs from outside London need somewhere to stay whilst attending to Parliamentry and other duties. The system has been that effectively the taxpayers assist the purchase of a second home. When that MP decides to cease “serving the nation” they receive a handsome pension,but they are allowed to retain ownership of said property,in effect a very nice windfall on top. Nowhere have i seen any mention of this property being returned to the taxpayer,less any personal investment made by said MP. After all,once they cease to be “our representative”they have no need for a second home.

  151. 542
    Give me 650 lamp posts and a roll of piano wire and I can fix democracy says:

    Fuck me. Margaret Beckett making a total fucking twat of herself on C4 news. Are they all fucking arseholes?

    • 544
      Heads on poles says:

      I would say so.
      “It is impossible for you to understand that ….”

      Those Sir, are the words of somebody that will not be elected next time – unless her constituents enjoy being insulted and given her demeanour and fizzog, she may well be elected!.

      • 548
        Give me 650 lamp posts and a roll of piano wire and I can fix democracy says:

        As I’ve pointted out before though. There are twats out that that would elect a child rapist to Parliament if they were wearing a Labour rosette.

  152. 545
    universal hiss says:

    Did this man have no has beans to plant?

  153. 546
    Silvio Tanner says:




  154. 552
    goose says:

    Dear Guido,
    Since you linked to it, I’m curious what you think about Nadine Dorries replies about her expenses to the Telegraph:

  155. 553
    Theremustbeanotherway says:

    It’s funny that Duncan has to claim so much for gardening, when he is a highly experienced uphill-gardener himself!

  156. 554
    Silvio Tanner says:





    • 555
      Layman Pang says:




  157. 556
    Silvio Tanner says:



  158. 557
    andanotherthing says:

    Tam Dalyell paid £18000 for a bookcase. £18000? Where the fuck do you have to go to pay £18000 for a bookcase. Why couldnt he go to Ikea like the rest of us?

  159. 558

    [...] didn’t work in Crewe & Nantwich and won’t work in this case. People can see that the Labour MPs are fast catching for wealth accumulation at the expense of the taxpayer and soon Naya Bazaar the Tories will be the party of the poor. … [...]

  160. 559
    Silvio Tanner says:




  161. 560
    Salomi says:

    “Duncans urgent constitucency meeting ” Tried for 2 days to locate venue ,no reply from local party chairman,no one heard of it. Office closed. Are you being honest ALAN ,could it really be cos you were caught in the trough.?

  162. 561
    Silvio Talli says:









    • 562
      POSTSKRYPTER says:




      AS EVERY

      • 563
        POSTKLYPTER says:


        2 B ON THYME,


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Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)

A confused Nick Griffin says Nigel Farage is a shill for the City, forgetting that City banks want to stay in the EU:

“Farage is a snake oil salesman, but a very good one. His supposed anti-immigration stance is all smoke and mirrors, as is his carefully cultivated image as a ‘man of the people’. The truth is that UKIP is a pro-immigration party that exists to lobby for the interests of the City of London.”

Alexrod says:

It’s money innit.

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