The promised guide to how to become a millionaire in politics has been delayed in order to incorporate a lot more information. Don’t worry it will be published, but it will be a lot more comprehensive than Guido first envisaged.
To be frank, Guido is being overwhelmed with sleaze. Dirt which has to be checked out, it all takes time. Wouldn’t want to give a fiddling politician the opportunity to sue over a mistake…
Labour’s Brave New Strategy - Dizzy
Mephedrone: Dealing with the Facts – ASI blog
Deficit in a Spin – City Unslicker
I Was BNP Bigot Until I Fell for My Jamaican Colleague – Mirror
Conservatives Baffled by Letwin’s Policy Pyramid – Times
Piers Morgan is a Tory – Fraser Nelson
The Bunker Bod Funded Entirely by Unite – Standard
Welcome to the e-Election – John Harris
Mad Nad: Declaring War on Scantily Clad Women - Devil’s Kitchen
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Nick Clegg said…
“Charlie Whelan and Lord Ashcroft are exactly the same. One is the baron of the trade unions, and the other one is the baron of Belize. Both are bankrolling political parties, both are trying to buy seats.”
+ Crude (June)
As of 16 Mar 2010
-Gilts (Mar)
As of 26 Feb 2010
Flat – No Positions
As of 23 Feb 2010 +30.81%
I’m sure the wait will be worth it!
Ah canny wait
Me neither. I’m hoping to see something on Blinky Balls – the press seems very quiet on him and his missus. Surely they’ve been double troughing?
We want to see: Balls in a Vice
I’ve been struck by the silence on CooperBalls. Have they got an injunction on the DT?
Nice one CF!
I seem to remember that 2 or 3 years ago the Balls-Cooper team were questioned about the designation of family versus constituency house(s), but I don’t have time to find weblinks now (now that I tend to be that busy, don’t worry).
Don’t forget to include an entire section on Margaret Moran – the second home is neither in the constituency represented and 2 hours from Houses of Parliament.
If she wants a house away from both – she can pay for it herself from her salary, like everyone else.
Remember the good old days?
Edwina Curry does.
Don’t worry, they’ll be coming back soon.
Just so long as it spoils the Liebourgraph story
I certainly do!
Not so much “security through obscurity” as “security through profligacy”.
You’ll have to hurry up Guiido – the new MEP’s will need it by 4th ;une!
I was wondering if the MP’s were using the MEP’s handbook on expenses claims?
I’m sure the wait will be well worth it. Go get the sleazy bastards!
How dare you link these people to sleazy bastards! Sleazy bastards have feelings you know!
This is stuff which is sliding down the interest scale of the MSM. Time spent poring over gardening receipts and non-award of expenses is a waste.
Headlines on Balls, Cooper not present…why? Will this be something kept in reserve to cap it all on say, Thursday, just when the wave of opporbrium has washed up and over and begun to recede?
Dont let up but stick to the big biccies: a pipe in a tennis court or a child’s pram here and there is small beer compared to Darling and his mates Hooning about with our money!
Exactly. We want to see: Balls in a Vice
Just a thought, but what is the chance that the top hooning couple have two homes, and they claim one each as their ’second’, paying from their own pocket for neither..??
Balls/Cooper (Housing Minister – What a beautiful joke to play on us all!), were in trub before over housing. They claimed their main home was in Yorkshire, although they lived Sunday night to Friday night in Stoke Newington (kids go to school in London). This meant their second home (and claimable mortgage costs etc) was in London. This was eventually accepted, for some ridiculous reason, even though everyone knows it’s a completely phoney and artificial position intended only to line the joint Balls/Cooper pockets.
For the record, they argued that their main home was in Yorkshire partly on the basis that that’s where they usually ate their Sunday lunch. Interestingly, Smith successfully argued the whole thing the other way round (unless she lunches in her sister’s Peckham back room every Sunday?).
Balls/Cooper are a disgrace – where are their exes?
It’s disgusting.
Completely agree with #1… looking forward to it very much.
For light relief while waiting, may I suggest this morning’s Metro newspaper, complete with Psych column (can’t remember what about exactly!) featuring advice from and a photo of one Mr Derek Draper. Surprised me!
I can’t wait. I intend to use it as an instruction manual.
Only took him a few days to build up to an apology this time..
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/8043447.stm
Bit late wasn’t it….. saw Dave do it and thought he would do it too. Leadership at its best from the PM.
But he could not get that even right. Apologies for all M Ps. Wants to bracket everyone with his lot. Cameron and Co should be telling Brown “Don’t bracket our lot with your crooks” Now do your job Cameron, sack your front bench shadow ministers that have been naughty boys. Alan Duncan spings to mind. Don’t sack them then you will loose my vote at the next election. You have been warned.
Talking of uncovering dirt, Marta Andreasson’s book ‘Brussels laid bare’ has just been published:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/comment/columnists/christopherbooker/5301009/A-look-in-the-EUs-unbalanced-books.html
Yes – Kinnock the “Anti Corruption” Commissioner. Had her dismissed for blowing the whistle on the frauds in Brussels. Kinnock and family were up their necks in it.
Kinnock is such an odious Hoon.
The Penguin
“The tragedy is that our own politicians are so emasculated, reduced to expenses-fiddling zombies by this strange form of government we now live under, that most neither know nor care.”
He he he. The gak yabbering Hoons probably start screaming like Donald Sutherland in ‘Invasion of the Body Snatchers’ when they come across somebody honest.
Good man, Guido. Keep at it.
Agreed. Keep it up, Mr Fawkes. Stunning work!
Steady Plaything!
Fuck me, the one-eyed Bogie eater has apologised!
I hope this is catching then he might just apologise for robbing thousands of Equitable Life pensioners and for ignoring the Parliamentary Ombudsman and fork up some compensation as well.
Words are cheap. Atonement required, and plenty of it. Currently they are spinning that the system will be audited by outsiders, but absolutely no reference to reigning in a scheme that just stinks.
I never thought Id say it, but the Telegraph is *such* a tease making us wait for Balls…
I know. But in the meantime here’s a taster…
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/china/5290923/China-firing-squad-photos-prompt-calls-for-more-executions.html
Balls ! Balls ! We want Balls ! ! !
New Balls please.
It will be worth waiting for…
Maximum effect.
Total destruction.
Final nail in McTwat’s coffin.
That’s why the Telegraph is biding its time.
I do not want to be Prime Minister.
just like the rest of us, love.
I want to be PM and fcuk everyone.
I know. Horrid MEN have been in there haven’t they Hattie pet. The only good one you’ve met was that nice plain clothes Military Policeman…what was it now…..SIB Ian, yes that’s it.
You fucking liar Harriet! By the way – what are you doing tonight?
Anything you want Big Boy!
Of course I want to be Prime fucking Minister! (but only with your blessing Gordon)
Oh, and don’t forget our freedom-fighter (ret’d) friends across the water, will you?
At least those MPs on this side of St George’s Channel had to produce receipts for much of their winnings. A dozen or so Sinn Feiners pocket £24k each every year for not attending Westminster on principle.
Where was Gorbals Mick in all this?
I wish I were Ruth Kelly’s plaything!
Leave the young lad alone you dirty bugger
That fat Hoon gorbals mick is their union leader, he’s there to advise the thieves how to steal. When you think back of all the honorable membrs who have held the position of speaker and upheld it’s honourable position for the sake of our nation, this fat cretin has a lot to answer for.
I vote that in future no one can stand to be elected as the “speaker”. Each speaker should be elected by each Parliament only.
And should DEFINITELY NOT get ANYWHERE near the speakers chair if hes Scottish!!
Speaker: “I have been a trade unionist all my life. I did not come into politics not to take what is owed to me.”
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/politics/article6256703.ece
Aye – ye’s got it right Jimmy!
Is anything governing the country? Now’s the time to invade.. If only you Germans had waited.
What makes you think they didn’t?
They’re already here. BMW’s, Mercedes, Porsche, Volkwagon’s, Audi’s.
Even the “Made In England” & “Buy British” labels are made in China.
Guido, don’t leave out subletting your constituency office against the rules, which Brown did.
And Guido, make HMRC chase up Brown: has he declared the rental income in his tax returns before his illegal scheme was found out?
Best regards
Where can I find the complete guide to hooning ?
Constant rewrites are the problem.
It’s a bit like drug testing at the olympics: you get the tests sorted on one drug only to find the atheletes are all shooting up on something new.
You write down all the scams that MPs are using only to find that they’ve thought up some new ones in the meantime.
If only they were a tenth as good at running the country
Last week the rumours were about , three mp’s on suicide watch, two mp’s concerned about details of hotel rooms and affairs coming out, 1 mp who had gone absolutely over the top with his claims and balls/cooper. None of these have turned up yet – I think the Telegraph are copying Guido’s tactics and keeping their readers in suspense.
Its a cunning stunt
With which to stun the cnuts
It’s very simple to match up the records. So what if there’s two million seperate claims. Just autocorrelate the entire set of figures and you should get luuuuurvly big ’spikes’ when a date and a figure match exactly. Then have a good look at those.
If the Telegraph wants to give me a copy of the figures I’ll take ‘em apart. The fuckers won’t know what hit ‘em. I’ll even fucking Fourier analyze the bastards so we can see who is claiming for overnight accomodation on exactly the same days as somebody else is claiming for a big fat dinner.
Ohhhh. It’d be fun to use the maths for something other than oil exploration.
Just thought I would share this reply I have just received from the Commissioner.
“Thank you for your email & your observations on the matter, which have now been passed to this office. I can confirm that the MPS has received & are currently considering a complaint alleging misuse of expenses.”
I have written for clarification.
Hope you all have written too…wouldn’t want the Commissioner to be in doubt of the anger at this sleaze.
Right who do I have to write to please?
Well try this email address
Comm.PO@met.police.uk
Please post when done!!
Well done
Update from the Commissioner…..not sure if it is as comprehensive as it sounds… Political sort of reply.
“I can confirm that the Commissioner has asked the SCD6 Commander to look at the whole issue. I am unwilling to go into any further detail at this time, for obvious reasons.
Thank you for your continuing interest on this matter, and the points that you make.”
keep posting
Has Two -seats Prescott been kidnapped? He always has something to say, but, strangely, not this time. Maybe he’s washing his new mock Tudor beams?
According to http://www.gofourth.co.uk/ he’s in his battlebus. But where???
Or visting his main, or second, toilet.
He’s supposed to be in his battle bus. But where?????
Two-dor beams Prezza!
Fuck off – I’m too busy shagging Mandy! (That’s “Lord” Mandy to you poor people!)
Of late, has any actually seen Prescott in his battle bus touring the country?
The “battle map” on http://www.gofourth.co.uk/ is not very helpful, ‘cos they don’t seem to actually give dates. I would suggest a couple of well-placed eggs and see how he “reacts”.
Guido, regarding your gravy train handbook, don’t leave out subletting your constituency office against the rules, which Brown did.
And Guido, chase up HMRC: did Brown declare in his tax returns the rental income from his constituency office over the period before he was found out.
Best regards
Apologies for posting the same lyrics twice, but my first posting seemed to have failed.
I have had a number of posts fail this morning.
At current rates Cameron’s claim for addional costs allowance means he has a mortgage of 500,000 pounds or 7.8 times his MPs salary.
We call him Flipper, Flipper, you’ll see him smilin’
Right from the start, he’ll play it smart.
Beware of Flipper, Flipper, he’s such a lover,
You will discover when he steals your heart!
When you’re feelin’ sad, when you’re feelin’ blue,
He’ll make you glad, yes, that’s what he’ll do,
And what he can do you’ll never believe,
For he’s got tricks up his sleeve!
Beware of Flipper, Flipper, he’s such a lover,
You will discover when he steals your heart!
Fragrant Mrs C works at an upmarket papershop – maybe her salary gets counted in too?
Didn’t she have a severely disabled son, needing constant care?
Errr…..and your point is?
Camerons’ mortgage is not excessive when another large income is involved and the family has some private “resources” stashed away as well.
Err….that is the point.
Very few normal representatives of the common people can get a mortgage of 7.8 times their salary and hence claim only mortgage interest to the tune of 20,000 pounds for the additional costs of being an MP. Ordinary people would need some of the allowance to buy furniture and so on.
For transparency Members of Parliament must disclose the amount and source of their incomes, earned and unearned as well as the amount of their assets.
Stop plodding, try and pick it up a bit.
You really do seem to be overlooking the feeeelthy reeeech Mrs Cameron. Also Mr Cameron I believe, as leader of the opposition, gets a ministerial salary (more or less) so that’ll suddenly be more like 3 – 4 times income multiple.
Flipper,
Do you know what interest rate the Cameron’s are paying? Do you know what their household income is?
To be honest 8 times earnings mortgages have been commonplace enough up until the credit crunch to send house prices through the roof. Interest only mortgages can extend your finances far further and banks have been quite happy to bet on house prices going up, until recently.
We Trustees of the Waad Estate consider Mr Hoon’s tactics to be vulgar social climbing and frankly crude, but it will entertaining to learn how a counter-jumper and self-confessed lawyer like Hoon claws his way up the slippery pole. I hope none of my estate managers would act in such a way.
How about publishing a book? I know you have a hatred of dead trees but a book about the sleazy parliament released just before the election would really hit the spot.
For two days now this old Connie Francis number has been going round and round in my head like a stuck record…..
WHO’S SORRY NOW – 16/05/1958
6 weeks at #1 – 25 weeks on chart
Who’s sorry now, who’s sorry now
Whose heart is achin’ for breakin’ each vow
Who’s sad and blue, who’s cryin’ too
Just like I cried over you
Right to the end, just like a friend
I tried to warn you somehow
You had your way, now you must pay
I’m glad that you’re sorry now
Right to the end, just like a friend
I tried to warn you somehow
You had your way, now you must pay
I’m glad that you’re sorry now
Even better is the Flying Lizards version of Money
I want money
I want lots of money
In fact I want so much money
Give me your money
Just give me money
“Most people are too busy earning a living to make any money”
Joe Garbo’s bestseller “The Lazy Man’s Way To Riches”.
My bestseller “The Lazy MP’s Way To Riches”.
Where are those duplicious Winterton’s double claims?
‘Ere, stop messin’ about!
Brown apologies for “mistakes” and “events of the last few days”.
Ther were NO mistakes – claims were deliberate. Not just in “the last few days” – it’s been going on for years. When all the infomation comes to light, it can only be hoped that a few enlightened folks with some time available will add all the dirty details to the Wikipedia biographies of these shamed MPs so that it’s on there for perpetuity. That’ll upset them no end and they’ll obviously keep trying to revise but will eventually have to give up.
Brown double claimed a plumbing bill that he submitted, but the Admin people at the Hof C were the ones who apologsied for not spotting it! The man has no grace, no shame and is a talentless waster. If he had any sense, h would use this debacle to stand down and call an election. So, no chance of that then……
Oh and apparently there’s an unpaid Library fine for a late retuned book amounting to 21p.
Incredible!
Is this it?
Guido has over hyped the whole thing.
Four days and not one scalp.
Pathetic, really, pathetic!
What part of
“has been delayed in order to incorporate a lot more information. Don’t worry it will be published, but it will be a lot more comprehensive than Guido first envisaged.”
don’t you get?
All of it, my old smoked haddock.
I apologise for saying sorry, I’m sorry for apologising and I regret what I’ve just said, now sod off the lot of you so I can start my victory speech……..Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow
im not accepting any apologies–i want jail terms–and booted out of parliament
Cameron apologises only for Tory MPs fiddling but Gordon goes one better and apologises for all mankind…..my hero saving the world from Pickpockets and Shoplifters.
It started in America but Brown’s is the saviour of the World.
At least Dick Turpin had the common decency to wear a mask ..
This bunch of lying, cheating, grasping, whining, thieving bastards need stringing up .. NOW, ALL OF THEM !!! ..
On the other hand (excuse the pun) .. those who support the introduction of Sharia Law into the UK might well wonder what use a one-handed, former MP might be put to ? …
One less hand in the petty cash?
Mr Brown in his speech today to the Royal College of Nursing annual conference in Harrogate emphasised that restoring trust in politicians was essential if they were to build public support for investment in services like the National Health Service.
The same National Health Service that spent £350m hiring management consultants in England last year.
Piss off Brown you’re seriously mental.
Not sure if this is right but have read it on a few blogs last few days…
Haven’t MP’s just voted for a 17% increase in the allowances?
Eh? Interest rates & inflation at an all time low and they want more?
I can just see the logic…..
“Mr Speaker, there are too many snouts in the trough…..”
“We’re going to need a bigger trough”
Not get some f***ing snouts out of it or stop them furrowing for truffles.
No, the answer to the problem (as always with Labour) is throw money at the problem.
You couldn’t make it up!
Guido, don’t let this drop – it is a damn outrage.
…..and then move on to the House of Lords as I bet they are just as bad
The policy of ‘quantitative easing’ is to be implemented using MPs as the portal for the money to be released into the economy. That is why expenses and salaries etc. are being generously ‘eased’. It’s their patriotic duty.
Mr Speaker let it happen…
This analysis of the Gove flipping story is an example of why Guido has to tread carefully before publishing his Hoon Guide.
http://conservativehome.blogs.com/thetorydiary/2009/05/michael-gove-is-far-from-a-villain-in-expensesgate.html
Denis Healy once said that the difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall.
Fortunately for them it is very likely that Alistair Darling, Hazel Blears and others will have been acting entirely within HMRC rules regarding Capital Gains Tax when they ‘flipped’ the designation of their homes.
The technique under which an MP acquiring a second home can elect which is to be regarded as her main residence for tax purposes, and then having made an election, can vary that election at any time thus making tax free gains on both properties has long been regarded by those in the accountancy and tax planning professions as ripe for change by a Labour Government.
Given recent revelations, we shouldn’t be surprised that the tax laws were not changed. That this tax avoidance technique has been used by the Chancellor of The Exchequer and other Ministers who had a vested interest in preserving it is truly shocking.
They must have known what they were doing, must have decided not to change the laws.
As far as Ball and Cooper are concerned look at this link
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/politics/labour/3157883/Ed-Balls-and-Yvette-Cooper-cleared-of-fiddling-expenses.html
Avoidance is not paying tax that you do NOT have to evasion is deliberatley not paying tax that you should.
Of course!
“It’s all within the rules”
As the troughing hoons have been repeating ad nauseam for the past four days.
Yes, it’s a pretty general rule that if the Civil Service or MPs get a perk, it isn’t taxed: pensions, childcare, tea and bikkies, parking spaces, security, whereas if they don’t (company cars, health insurance) it’s taxed to all Hell. Some years ago they changed the law specificaly so that ’sports facilities at the workplace’ would be exempt from tax. By a remarkable coincidence it was just when they were opening a new Civil Service office in Nottingham with, guess what, a swimming pool in the basement! The rules for childcare benefits and mobile phones have closely shadowed Civil Service provision of these items to staff over many years.
Come on Guido, Coopers head and Ball’s balls. Oh the pleasure oh the laughter to see those two pricks brought down to size.
Is the collective noun for a bunch of hoons, Buff?
At the turn of the 20th century in Australia, the term “hoon” (and its rhyming slang version “silver spoon”)[3] had a different meaning: one who lived off immoral earnings (i.e. the proceeds of prostitution – a pimp or procurer of prostitutes).[4]
Linguist Sid Baker in his book The Australian Language suggested that “hoon” (meaning “a fool”) was a contraction of Houyhnhnm, a fictional race of intelligent horses which appears in Gulliver’s Travels by Jonathan Swift.
Hear the Piggie-wiggies squeal! Squeal, Piggy-wiggie, squeal! See the little fat Piggie-wiggies run! Run, Piggie-Wiggies, run…all the way to the bank, you bunch of fiddling, fat little Piggie-wiggies. Now it’s time for a yummy bacon sandwich!
Hey – who are you calling “fat”. I’ll have you know that it cost you little poor people a hell of a lot to get me to this size and it’s going to cost you a hell of a lot more to keep me going for another year, after which I’ll turn Tory and you’ll have to feed me for another five years at least!
Apparently Cooper’s dominatrix thigh length black leather boots she wears on Channel 4 news to try and distract John Snow were claimed.
My cock may be tiny, but I am as pure as driven snow. I WILL be your leader.
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Have I missed something or have we still had no Hoon guide?
The suspense is getting to me