Q. How Many Expense Claims Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?
A. One. According to a claim made by “two brains” David Willets.
In the great scheme of things £100 for a workman to change 25 lightbulbs is trivial. What it does highlight is the undeserved sense of entitlement that politicians have. Whereas even a DIY dummy like Guido manages to change his own lightbulbs, politicians don’t need to worry about such trivia. They just charge it to the taxpayer.
Until that culture changes and politicians realise taxpayers are their masters not their benefactors we will continue to have a parliament of petty pick-pockets. Our pockets…
Every last fuckers at it. Find someone who Guido: we’ll make ‘em President.
Shit! Someone who isn’t I meant..
We are in danger of losing sight of the fact that people who steal require some form of punishment.
These thieving Hoons cannot get away with just saying over and over that they will change the system, it’s just not good enough!
A judge needs to define what the Green Book means and then that definition should be applied to every expense and housing claim.
Paul Waugh at the Standard has heard that Tory backbenchers are in the frame tomorrow…
Martin NOT the Worst Speaker
Despite almost universal calls for Michael J. ‘Gorbals Mick’ Martin to step down as Speaker of the House a rigorous historical review finds that he was not the worst Speaker in the history of the House. Nor will Martin be the first sitting Speaker to be deposed if it comes to that.
Read all about it….
Oh, and, fuck me, FIRST
Gordon says he’s sorry. So thats it okay then…
No, he said he apologised on behalf of the government and all MPs. That is NOT the same as him saying he’s sorry. What he’s saying in his mind is “I apologise for having to work with this bunch of hoons but I personally have nothing to apologise for as it was all within the rules”
careful with that comma – no knowing where it will end
Ooh Constantly – is that an offer?
*blushes*
lol Plato , hun x
E x .
Oh, and, fuck me, FIRST = mackintosh duffer. Surely not, constant?
Anybody who says ‘hun’ on a blog should be fucking shot.
Who said what?
Come on, a little perspective?
http://is.gd/yP0R
Why do all the politicians have red faces?
Too much terracotta Guerlain?
Or like the Mandrill Baboons do their faces substitute for their buttocks?
Guido Douglas Carswell is going for Gorbals Mick
http://www.talkcarswell.com/show.aspx?id=698
I am sure he could use some support.
Speaker Weatherill said the Speaker should resign if a censure motion is tabled, never mind debated or voted on.
Mr Weatherill was my MP 20 yrs ago and a fine man he is. Betty Boothroyd was also excellent.
Martin is a slug, a Labour shill and has brought the role of Speaker into disrepute.
Fucking hell, 23000 they can claim.
These people have taken pay cuts over what they could’ve got to claim it.
Overreaction.
By having MPs expenses and more importantly pay so low we are encouraging people not to be MPs, or to be MEPs.
But can YOU think of somewhere else?
Shouldn’t we be making anonymous calls to the DWP benefit cheats hotline about all this?
Yeah but, no but … if the lightbulbs are those recessed halogen thingies and you have a high level ceiling then it ain’t quite as easy as you suppose.
sorry?
how difficult is it to open cupboard, remove stepladder or stand on chair. make sure lights are off. unscrew bulb. replace bulb. dispose of dead bulb or recycle (if pc).
25 bulbs at 5 min per bulb : two hours and five minutes tops. just under fifty quid an hour.
did he have to replace them all at once?
Yes, he wasn’t sure which ones were broken.
you got to feel sorry for this twat it must have been really dark in his fucking house with all those lights not working.so i suppose his claim was legit cause he couldn’t see to fill in his fucking claims forms but hopefullf his and his fellow thieving bastard mates wont have this problem with their next residence’s as they only have one light bulb in a 10′x 8′ cell SCUM!
I doubt that he was in the dark as much as the tax payer has been
Recessed halogen thingies?
Don’t be so stupid, Willets would never kit his house out Chav style. The guy has class don’t you know.
Its still cheaper to buy a ladder and do it yourself. Or put some of those greasy pole climbng skills into use.
quite
recessed chandeliers with dimmer switches
ah yes but due to zanulabours elf n safety nazis said sparky would have had to use a scissor lift to work at height, with two safety people in attendance. thus making his prices a loss lead bravo.
As schools are no longer allowed to change their own light bulbs and have to call in the likes of EDF (labour friends) under contract to change the said bulb. I have witnessed five EDF employees to change one bulb. At contract rates this could be £700+ per visit nice work if you can get it.
No fucking wonder the country is heading for 1 trillion pounds of debt!
That is fucking appalling!
I had them recessed halogen fuckers. There must have been fifty of the bastards in the house when we bought it. And they blow, on average about once a week. At the time the new bulbs were six quid apiece. I figured that it was cheaper to replace the light fittings than keep buying new bulbs, standing on stepladders, swearing at the fucking clips.
Sop I did. It paid for itself after 18 months.
You have broken health and safety law citizen, please report to your nearest execution booth for processing.
I want to know what happens with these 2nd homes bought with tax payer’s money. Do they keep the lucre when they flog them or what?
Yes. Better still, they switch the status of the property to being their main home just before selling up in order to evade CGT.
Very naughty. If Joe Public tried to pull this stunt, he would be jumped on by HMRC from a great height.
Blears is still trying to claim there was nothing illegal in designating her property as her second home for expenses and as her first home for tax reasons. Which is it? First or second? She’s caught between a rock and a hard place as one is expenses fraud which will result in a slapped wrist and several 10′s of thousands of pounds being repaid and the other is tax fraud which is just a few thousand pounds but brings with it the risk of a criminal conviction and jail time.
Surely you’re not trying to insinuate that our intrepid leaders would use their positions of power and privilege to circumvent the laws governing the rest of us? That’s preposterous to suggest such a thing, it’s probably all within the rules and if not it’s probably down to a silly clerical error or oversight. It won’t be anything as nasty as pure greed or theft.
244
you are correct.
I have said sorry.
Now, about the economy…..
Gordon Brown may have said sorry now, but when do we get some blood let? Baroness Uddin and the other piss-takers of the highest order must be actually punished.
Still waiting to hear whether the police are investigating her as they were requested to do by the SNP Westminster Leader.
Exactly.
In spite of this: Baroness Uddin’s hypocrisy, its looking like the troughing bitch is getting away with it, while we all laugh at dog food and nappies.
Don’t be distracted!
Yep Udder must be squeezed to the last drop, she and all the workshy, shop steward tribal intake and friends of.
Phone up the Housing Officer, Faruque Uddin, on 0207 392 5415 and ask why Baroness Uddin is renting a four bed house at £106 per week, that was allocated for low paid key workers. Or write a letter of complaint to the vice chair of Spitalfieds Housing Association, a Mr Ala Uddin
Bugger!
I thought people had forgotten me!
We know you have three-way wank circles at the Maidstone flat with the Draper-Hoon Gang.
Will someone please find me a law to pass about fox hunting or something, they’re starting to get the scent again. Quickly!
Yeah – it’s all gone quiet about that bastard Tony McNasty as well. Remember him? Claiming £60 grand for living in his parents’ boxroom in Harrow? What happened to him, then – did he just stick in an expenses claim for a few buckets of whitewash?
Top piss-taker so far has to be Margaret ‘Moron’, who spent half of yesterday brazenly trying in vain to defend herself as to why she moved her ‘second’ home to be her boyfriend’s house 150 miles from her constituency and even further away from Parliament – just before spending 20 grand all in one go on repairs to it.
Her boyfriend doesn’t even claim to live there either, his business is based in her constituency!!
Iain Dale with the shocking details
http://iaindale.blogspot.com/2009/05/shamelessness-of-margaret-moran.html
http://iaindale.blogspot.com/2009/05/true-home-of-mr-margaret-moran.html
line em up one by one and shoot em in there arse and ask how it feels to get fucked
Nice one freddie, lad. See what you’re capable of when you are sober?
Oh come on now Fred, you leave all that to me, I’m the one one who get’s ‘em laffin’!
now pass me a peadlo
Was it actually lightbulbs? I have seen it reported as light fittings, which of course under this government it would be illegal to change unless he is a certified electrician…
Nope you only have to be part-p if you do electrical work on someone elses home.
Not true, actually.
Certain aspects of electrical work, in your own home, can only be carried out by a ‘Part P’ registered professional electrician, and must be signed off accordingly once done.
Even if replacing the lights wasn’t Part P notifiable, a lot of people wouldn’t have the competence or confidence to carry out this work & would prefer to call in a professional, for the piece of mind in knowing it was safe, if nothing else…
Still not true. Anyone can do any electrical work whatsoever – as long as Building Control are told before hand and given the opportunity to send an electrician round to check everything – at your expense.
Sure – you can do that, if you’re competent in doing the work that needs to be done.
Notifying your LABC will usually cost you around £150 for them to come and do the site visit to sign off. More than Willetts’ claim for the work to be done by an electrician.
Damn. You mean I missed the opportunity to claim even more?
all a load of pc bo*llcks introduced by the shop stewards and health and safety nutters infesting parliament.
Back to basics.
DIY is DIY changing light bulbs is what Dad’s do and if they can’t they pay someone who can from their own piggybank not ours.
Bloke with hair standing on end…
Quite so. Who has not had the odd 240v ‘stiffening of the arm and thrown across the room’ experience? That’s what fucking fuses and RCB’s are for.
Teaches you to make damn sure the electric is off when you do start fucking with it.
I can do my own electrical work but it must be certified by a qualified electrician. As the job of getting an electrician to certify my work is almost as much as paying the lectrician in the first place what’s the point in doing it yourself? And as to why you have to do it? Sell the house and then have it noticed that the wiring has been done and not been certified. You’ll find yourself in court quicker than an MP can claim expenses.
Yup been there too – does make one’s heart race though doesn’t it!!
I got zapped by the capacitor on a floor-standing fan which was unplugged but still knocked me 6ft sideways.
Is it really about making things safe for folk and stopping bodge jobs in the private residence or is it about generating revenue through continuously changing legislation and expensive registration? I only ask because the clown who came around to fix my poor old mums bathroom light was a fucking imbecile with less electrical knowledge than my vacuum cleaner (paid for out of my own pocket after the majority was whisked away in taxes, license contributions, etc). He had apparently passed at great expense his 16th edition (or whatever it’s up to now) qualifying him to undertake electrical work in peoples houses and charge then lots of cash, what it didn’t do was ensure that he could actually carry out the work competently; which he blatantly couldn’t. Never mind under NuFuckinLabour there’s a bit of paper top say that two weeks at college is better than a proper apprenticeship and there’s a cash flow directly to the ever more lucrative trough on which they feed. Sorted…
Yeah man. Fuck elfin safety. Besides, once you’ve 240V through you it makes you think harder about what you’re doing.
230v now we’re in the EU innit?
Bloody EU stealing all us money and volts!
cnuts
I find that if you don’t burden the council with the knowledge that you’re wiring in your own oven or hob then they find it awfully difficult to charge you to send somebody around to make sure you wired the blue/black wire to the negative, the brown/red wire to the positive and the yellow/green wire to the one that’s left over.
More make-work legislation. Really. How many people were being killed in the UK every year by home-wired electrical appliances? Fuck all would be my best guess. According to the US statistics which I just googled there’s about 400 electrocutions (not counting jail-house fry-ups) every year and 10% of those (say 40) are down to dodgy home wiring. And their population is about six times ours. So about seven a year if we’re as fucking clueless about electricity as your average yank.
Because, generally, if you wire something up wrong (ie switch positive and negative) it either still works fine or blows up as soon as you flip the switch. And if you’re the kind of idiot who will wire the live to the neutral and make the entire plumbing system ‘live’ then you need removing from the gene pool before you harm somebody other than yourself.
If it was as many as a couple of dozen I still don’t give a shit. Darwinism at work. Better we knock these idiots out of the gene pool good and early than keep them swimming about in it long enough to spawn another generation of fuck-wits.
‘Neff said, mate and well put.
I think that this make-work bollocks came in after hand wringing Lib Dim, Jenny Tonge, started a campaign because her daughter was electrocuted in her kitchen. I think that years before the builders had left a live wire close to some metal and eventually she got offed.
So, some ver’, ver’ important MP suffers a bereavement and the entire electrical legislation has to be changed. More micro interfering, at huge expense and inconvenience and for what? To save a tiny number of lives, each one a tragedy but then that’s life.
Lots more people die after slipping in the bath – would that justify a law banning unattended bathing? Oh Christ no, I’m giving them ideas.
Agreed and more people die through falling outta the loft-hatch. How long before we need an ‘expert’ to come round and fetch that suitcase from the roof space. Fucking madness.
Mental note to legislate against suitcase removal from lofts without an expensive government run course and qualification… luvly jubbly, by this time next week we’ll be mil-yun-ares Rodney (not that we aren’t already holding propertyu portfolios worth loads more than a mill.)
Actually, I would think twice about shinning up a step ladder in a high ceiling room to change a light bulb, particularly in this age of lightweight aluminium step ladders and parquet floors. Changing 25 of them at a time is rather odd, unless he was waiting for every ceiling light in the house to fail before having them all done at once, which would be economical of course.
Using a torch to go to the loo would be a bit of a challenge and balancing a table lamp on the edge of the bath wouldn’t be too clever either.
Must be a hell of a big house though!
Dick Cheese, Jenny Tonge used to be my MP.
One of the most self important, useless, fuckwits I’ve ever come across. She is a Huhne.
I expect he was replacing them with green long life bulbs. You know the ones that seem to last half as long and give out half as much light.
look if he hadn’t changed the light bulbs you can only imagin the poor chaps statment to the commons MR SPEAKER AS YOU MAY KNOW I WAS INVOLVED IN A BIZZAR INCODENT AT MY SECOND HOME THIS WEEK WHEN I HEARD A NOISE IN MY KITCHEN I WAS AT THE TIME TRYING ON A FRENCH MAIDS OUTFIT WHICH MY WIFE HAS TO DO HER HOUSEWORK AS I WENT TO INVESTIGATE IT WAS DARK AND I TRIPPED UP OVER WHAT I NOW KNOW TO BE A YOUNG LEATHER CLAD PHILLIPINO BURGULAR ARMED WITH WHAT NOW TURNS OUT TO BE A LARGE RUBBER DILDO AS I FELL I GRABBED HOLD OF A DOG LEAD WHICH AT THE TIME WAS AROUND HIS NECK AS WE ROLLED ON THE FLOOR I ACCEDENTLY ENTERED HIM JUST AS THE NEWS OF THE WORLD PHOTOGRAPHER WALKED IN SO YOU SEE IT IS MOSTIMPORTANT THAT ALL AREAS OF OUR HOME ARE LIT PROPERLY TO STP THIS HAPPENING AGAIN I MUST STRESS THAT MY ACTIONS WERE PURELY HONOURABLE AND WITHIN THE RULES OF THIS HOUSE.
He should certainly be certified.
no do it chinse stlye and shoot em
That’s £4 a light-bulb. For that kind of money – it is cheaper for the MPs to do it themselves, no wonder they charged it as a public expense!
And what right do we have to find out that this kind of proliferate waste is going on – we’re footing the bill.
I still find it less than amusing that there’s been no statement from Purnell about his £400 a month food bill, while the sick, disabled, old and unemployed can only dream of that kind of larder! He said he’ll reform welfare benefits, and cut it for the undeserving – so what stopped him from stopping himself?
Why the hell do they need a food allowance anyway? They need to eat wherever they are. A very sick joke, as the pie-eating oafish Prescott will testify…
Are not taxpayer-subsidised bars and a restaurant not enough for them? Obviously not. Time to make the HofC self-financing while they are at it.
Excellent points. We pensioners have to manage on c£120 a week for EVERYTHING, and some get much less than that if – having had the foresight to save for their old age – they own their own houses. I”m faced with having to decide whether I can keep my car (I live in small village in the sticks) and my cancer insurance. I live alone so I can’t afford to get seriously ill.
Meanwhile the really old and anyone caring for the disabled, or elderly parents inc with alzheimers, find it impossible to get the help they need. That £19,000,000 we are shelling out for MPs expenses would go a long way to assist them…
Meanwhile, can the incoming Govt PLEASE take an axe to the infantilising HSE and treat us all like grown-ups?
Corect me if I’m wrong, but don’t they enjoy susidised food and beverages at the Commons as well.
Incidentally late last year I travelled (1st class) by train from London to Manchester, sat next to one of our local MPs. He dind’t bother with the miserable food served by Virgin, but got stuck onto an M & S takeaway salad. I wonder how much he claimed for that?
Any room in there for a Hoon cabinet?
Cinna @ 186…
Yep, they certainly do.
Here’s one of their menus -
http://img412.imageshack.us/img412/1564/menul.jpg
Not bad, huh?
Well.. if they were energy saving bulbs and had someone in to fit them then it’s a bit of a bargain – in fact maybe too cheap for the electrician to have filled in all the correct risk assessment forms.
At least some MPs are trying to do things for themselves on the cheap… well done willetts
CORRECT ME IF I’M WRONG BUT THESE BASTARDS COST US £97, 000,000 last year rising from £86,000,000 the year before thieving scum
I read somewhere that it has gone up to £126million this year
Light bulbs aren’t as bad as a 100 mile away home.
Interesting line on logic here MB. Is a fish better than a dustbin, and how do they both compare to bicycle pump?
you can eat a fish
It only takes three fish to change a lightbulb
Perspective:
Do we really want two brains falling off a ladder whilst trying to save the planet with his energy efficient light bulbs when he can be using all that intellect usefully. To be honest when Kingston Council spend £1000 per flower basket this seems pretty good value. £4 supply and fit is taking the piss but …..
I do not care that he had someone replace his light bulbs, I care that he made me pay for it.
when has David Willets ever used his intellect?
Light bulbs aren’t as bad as a home 100 miles away……
If we are talking about the hon.Luton MP , well she needs that summer seaside retreat to improve the quality of her life because she works so hard as an MP – what a laugh!
I heard her pathetic and entirely unconvincing ‘justification’ this morning and it really said all there is to say about this bunch of thieving hoons. It’s as though no one else in the country has ever had a busy job that involves being away from the family from time to time. As usual, she wants to swap the spade for a fleet of JCBs. Sickening.
“Summer seaside retreat”…?!
You’ve never been to Southampton then??
The sun have also found out that her partner is registered on the electoral roll as living in Luton, with her. So why am I paying for his fucking dry rot in Southampton, how does having dry rot in her partners house stop her carrying out her duties as an MP, this is out right fraud.
92 – so she’s a liar as well as a cheat – not a surprise really.
52
yer get what yer pay for
We don’t.
That’s the problem.
seems to me the dryrot got into her fucking brain and then infected the whole of westminster fucking scum.
I’m not fussed by this one – is my moral compass lacking??!
Sorry; you’re not fussed or not fused ??
Perhaps Willets did nt want to come down to earth with a big bang…….
( with apologies to Frankie Howerd )
Don’t mention it.
David Cameron won’t mind sacking a few like Willetts I’m sure. He’s going to have to set the new criteria if he wants respect.
Great musical. When’s the full length version coming out?
So ‘two brains’ can’t even change a light bulb. If he is one of the clever ones I’d hate to meet one of the thickos. (Actually that is a sort of figure of speech, if I really did meet one of them, I’d kick the shit out of them).
Guido
You must know, or have some idea what is happening with the CooperBalls and Wintertons. Have they got lawyers in, or are they the final helping?
Yes, a public shaming of the Testicular Ones is the least we are entitled to expect. Saving the best till last Guido??
Oh Guido – SHAME ON YOU!!
Wot abart ‘Elf ‘n Safety? u kno – workin’ at ‘ight ‘n that
‘n demarcashun?
‘n that?
Innit?
Are you properly trained for workin’ at ‘ite?
An’ yer bins – is they properly done?
To be fair, my rented house has these little recessed bulbs in the ceiling with transformers, weird plastic housings and whatnot. My landlord told me to give him a call & he’d change them when they blew, as he was worried I’d fall off a ladder or gouge holes in the ceiling trying to extract the fittings myself. It takes him about 10 mins of fiddling about per bulb, so £4 for that sort of thing isn’t unreasonable
What twenty-four quid an hour for changing light bulbs!!!!!!
Jesus, send me for some training.
As City Lawyer of distinct reputation and plenty of grvitas, I can earn up to £1000 per hour, ofetn for only 10 minutes work.
have cooper,balls,winterton hired you (at the tax payers expense) to defend them?
You don’t do your own typing, clearly
Sorry for the dely in replyingg, I was in chambers.
No, Cooper, Balls & Winterton are the company along the road, in Dullard Street, next to the chip shop. I don’t thnk theyre any good.
I was present at the meeting where that photo was taken and David Willets was showing off saying
“I’m not one to boast but my one is this long”
Cherie was pissing herself laughing
We thought Cherie and you were laughing all the way to the bank ??
Fuck off Tony – you had your turn at the trough! Now let the rest of us get some gravy before they chuck us out and I have to go over to the Tories!
well tony we dont forget you’ll be first against the wall when the revolution comes and talk about job creation. cause a war in the middle east then get the job of middle east peace envoy. what a tosser.
You can be sure that utter greaseball Vaz will never apologise or repay. He’s no doubt been scouring the Telegraph to learn what other scams have been going on and in which h has missed out.
Slimy Vaz, the epitomy of everything that is truly wonderful about NuLiebour.
Silk cushions to give to his “mates” in Leicester for some other favours?
25 bulbs = 1 chandelier.
That’s a specialist job – did you never watch Only Fools and Horses?
Funniest thought of the day so far, would be rude not to link to it
Think you are onto something there.
But those candle bulbs are so fiddly!
last one out – turn the lights off.
How long will the changing of lightbulbs be legal under this government anway, without the correct certification and licences?
Actually, you raise a good point here.
We know that under EU convention 2837467585/am9874/B that said light emmiting glass orbs with a function ready onset will be only available in EU countries from 2010. In the interim, measures are being discussed at a very high level about the practical implications of the orbs breaking down their usage before that date. If you look at EU convention 43844899/pm9873/B you will find some useful information on assisting operatives to participate in the work of insitions up to and beyond 2010.
Aha space corps directive 17236489 (annex C).
What? Each delegate may have their own car parking space?
I’m sorry, sir, I just don’t see the relevance…!
David Willets tried to mend the Electric Light
Himself. It struch him dead: And serve him right!
It is the business of the wealthy man
To give employment to the artisian.
With apologies to Belloc
Guido, you should set up a Paypal link so people can bung you a couple of quid by way of thanks for your efforts.
Nice try Guido. Beggin Huhne!
And while he’s at it, Grateful citizen is also prepared to perform sexual acts on you. Just say the world
*word
Be fair Guido
To be able to change his lightbulbs he actually needs to visit his second home
The BBC were hinting that the wiring needed testing etc. as there seemed to be some sort of fault. Liberal bias!
Right … so the above might be a reasonable excuse, and its just a bit “tabloid” to make it into a good joke. however, I now believe he needs to have his nads shoved in a mole trap.
“more than £1,000 was cut by parliamentary officials who refused to pay £175 for the building of a dog enclosure or £750 for a shed base.”
Which adds up to £925, of course.Maybe he claimed for the cost of the dog.
To be fair to Willets, he claimed on the radio this morning that the electrician was called in to check and repace the light fittings, not the bulbs, as they had overloaded and fused the lighting circuit.
This government has changed the rules on what people are allowed to do with the electrical installations in their own homes – most now has to be done by a ‘Part P’ registered professional, and signed off accordingly when complete.
Willets hasn’t really done anything wrong… in this instance, anyway.
I think health and safety officers endanger their own health and safety in the act of implementing such bollocks.
what a pathetic country we live in…….a parliament rigged for all the pigs like michael martin to STEAL our money………
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1180225/I-didnt-come-politics-whats-owed–What-Speaker-allegedly-told-MP.html
i have two points to make:
1/ What is all this crap about saying sorry?
It seems that politicians now think that it is some kind of legal defence.
So what’s next?
Any mass murderers or bank robbers or rapists fancy being released?
just say sorry and you will all be released!
2/Why is it that the Police have to wait for a member of the public to complain before they do anything?
Does that mean that anyone who commits any of the aforementioned acts will be free to do so as long as nobody complains?
All of these troughers embarrass the uk……..yet they dont give a shit!
The Police DON’T have to wait for a MoP to complain….not in instances like this. The problem is the political will has to be there.
The Commisioner has appointed the the SCD6 Commander to investigate the “whole issue” but what that actually means is a matter of interpretation. The more people that write into the Commissioner at Comm.PO@met.police.uk and complain will make it an imperative for him to do so in accordance with his duty ie to investigate the breaking of the law IMPARTIALLY without fear or favour to the different levels of class.
Get emailing Comm.PO@met.police.uk he is waiting for you!!
Re.2) For the same reason that any child can buy hard drugs but plod can’t find the drug dealers.
To: The Comptroller of the Fees Office, House of Commons
From: The Lady Catherine de Bourgh
Dear Sir
May I draw your attention to the excellent series on property maintenance and estate management recently published in the pages of the Daily Telegraph. I am possessed of a large property with a spacious and most convenient park called Rosings.
My nephew, who contracted a most unfortunate marriage (but that is by the by), is a Member of Parliament in the Conservative interest and recently elected to make Rosings his second home. As a consequence of this change, I am now having to accommodate his staff who all appear to have the most exotic antecedents. I am therefore seeking your guidance on what my nephew terms a “democratic makeover” of the servants’ wing, to wit fixing to the exterior a number of beams to produce a faintly Tudor appearance in a fashion which, I am told, was recently carried out by the owner of a rather small and pokey suburban villa in Hull. Imagine having to entertain one’s guests with only eight bedrooms!
I understand that under your rules, such work must be deemed necessary to assist my nephew to carry out his parliamentary duties and to make good any dilapidations to the fabric of the house. Pray tell me how we can be seen to satisfy these requirements, so that we may submit a claim.
The cost of the work is a trifle at £37,000, as the timber will be supplied from my estate at very reasonable prices. I have also condescended to allow my own workmen to carry out the work.
Yours, etc.
Lady Catherine de Bourgh
Cheque or Cash? We have streamlined administration,so no need for invoices.We will take your word for it all. Works for the Prime Minister.
I see the BBC are listing all the expense claims…
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/8039273.stm
With the Tory shadow cabinet ‘above the fold’ of course, in their usual, ever so impartial way.
‘Two Brains’ Willets and his light bulbs positively pales into insignificance compared to ‘Flipper’ Blears and Hoon the hoon.
Good old BBC – first against the wall.
Does anyone remember this about Michael Meacher?
Another Socialist Millionnaire!
http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2001/jan/20/politics.labour
Ditto Donald Dewar: anti-capitalist, anti-shareholder democracy, etc., but – surprise, surprise! – when he died, turned out he was a millionaire through er…shareholdings.
And a 24 carat hypocrite!
Scum.
More to the point maybe is how many expenses claims does it take to make us see the light.
Well. we’ve seen it now and taunt those MP’s illuminated as money grabbing chancers.
Truth to tell, I would probably behave as they if I had the chance; the threat of exposure is essential for keeping most of us on the straight and narrow, and we should resist with all our might any attempt to shield these activities from public scrutiny.
I will second that.
Any new system has to be completely open to public scrutiny, down to the smallest detail.
but it’s all within the “Rules2 we haven’t done anything wrong, why are you all complaining?
nice video on my page….
£4 per bulb.
In the NHS it’s more like £100 per bulb. More in a PFI hospital.
Therefore Willets is at least 25 times more efficient than the NHS. Bargain.
he has a smaller carbon footprint – even at 6’5″
I bet the Cooper-Balls are bricking it. Drip, drip, drip and still no mention of them. Saving the best until last, perhaps?
More likely some sort of deal has been done.
Icing on the mouldy cake..
Someone has suggested they’ve taken out an injunction, and, more suprisingly it’s of a type that is secret and cannot be publicised, so in this instance the DT could neither publish nor refer to the injunction. Is there such a thing?
Yes Sir Reggie there is indeed.
Another nuLiebour addition to our civil liberites, rights and freedoms, they do it because they are Liebour of course – no means yes means no sometimes …
“its the right thing to do”
Yeah, Andrew Marr has an injunction preventing anyone from mentioning that he has a love child with Alice Miles, and the existence of the injunction is to be kept a secret, so I haven’t told you, have I?
Well, Mary, I suppose it was so secret that you didn’t know not to tell me that Andrew Marr has a love child with Alice Miles.
But where oh where is little eddy balls in all this?
So, Brown apologises according to the BBC.
Well, not quite. He made the same kind of statement as his “I accept responsibility which is why I fired the bloke who was responsible” smears statement.
His apology was “I’m sorry that all the other MPs screwed the system, and I’m sorry that those other MPs created/managed that crappy system”
“It wasn’t me, guv. But I’m wonderful enough to take the blame even though I’ve personally not done anything wrong.”
“ps: that flat in london which I’ve never stayed at that I claim for despite living in a grace-and-favour home for 12 years; that wasn’t wrong. I was within the rules.”
“What’s that? I just said those rules were shit, so my within-the-rules defence isn’t valid? Where’s my nokia you bastard?”
Brown is an idiot, he chooses today to apologise after Cameron has and looks the idot for copying Cameron now. He’s also taken the sting out of the Tories instead of letting the media focus on Tory expenses today, he’s now shifted it back onto him and Labour, what a total idiot.
LOL! Hasn’t he got a Press guy? Oh, sorry…
Exactly right. He’s bumped the Tory sleaze down from being the lead item.
Thanks Gordon, you dozy sod.
Yes, Brown apologised for ‘the events of the past few days’
What ‘events’ are these exactly?
Well, we the public finding out about MPs’ troughligacy, that’s what. So he apologised for us finding out then?
He still hasn’t apologised for MPs’ venality and secret thievery, and I doubt he will.
This is what happens when professional politicians, who’ve never had a proper job in their lives, get into power; they prove themselves to be a bunch of venal incompetents. What we need is some rich bugger to start the NOTA party (None Of The Above). To date the political classes have blamed the public for the low turn-out in elections, claiming that the voters are apathetic, whereas the reality is that it is the politicians that are pathetic. The proof of voter apathy, or not, would come if we all had the chance to vote NOTA at the elections in June, on the understanding that if the NOTA candidate won then they wouldn’t take up their seat.
An interesting suggestion, Preseli. Voters in Northern Ireland have this option already, of course, in the form of Sinn Fein. You could try those nice people at Plaid Cymru.
The Plaid Cymru lot are just the same, except that they do it in Welsh so that most people don’t know what’s going on. BTW, that’s the first time that I’ve seen ‘nice’ and ‘Plaid Cymru’ in the same sentence.
quite right…
I would call it the MITOR Party (Millionaire’s too rich to worry party)..
I want a stinking rich MP…..way above spending his life claiming for lightbulbs, ,nappies Mock Gothics…and a 5p bag for Christs sake (which Scottish hoon was that ?)
Who can pay for his own helicopter to fly around the country and the world…like Branson for example…and who has a moral compass !!
So cheap these Labour ZANU frauds…cheap and sordid…
what a good idea!
Branson = Dreadful Thought; you can check his moral compass elsewhere. Big pal of ZNL too so expect little different.
Oodles of money and sex scandal rumours concerning Branson (lucky bastard). Bit like a scruffy Berlusconi, really.
erm…the Branson billions tend to be offshore and highly leveraged if Private Eye is to be believed and he hasn’t sued yet..
For these piccoli piccoli amounts!? Not worth my while getting out of bed for! Call me “papa”.
work in progress:
Food, glorious food!
Red chipmunk’s not flustered!
While we’re in the mood –
Five bellies and B’stard!
Pease pudding and saveloys
Five hundred a question
Rich gentlemen have the boys –
In-di-gestion!
Listen you lot of ungrateful shitbags – we labour politicians need extra food to give us the energy to shag our staff regularly and we need a few of lifes luxuries to remind us what the rest of you are missing, so just piss off and leave us great savers of the planet to worship the Lord Gord in peace, or I’ll find you and kick the shit out of you for sure
Can I join your staff please big boy?
Fuck off you toffee nosed bastard. Hang on though, maybe I can claim for paying you for sexual services – I’ll find out and let you know. If you do come to me as a sex slave, you had bloody well better do a better job than you are doing as Toady in Chief at the Department of whatever it is that you know bugger-all about at the moment!
i wonderer how long it would be before mandy (THE ANTI-CHRIST) got into the debate now he’s got to be the worst piece of scum ever to soil the hall’s of westminster!
“….or I’ll find you and kick the shit out of you for sure.”
Ooh…you are awful, but I like you.
Q. How many MP’s does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Five-one to hold the bulb and stand the other four to rotate the table.
Q. How many MPs does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None – they’d rather we were kept in the dark…
Q. How many Gordon Browns does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One. He is so important that he only has to hold the lightbulb and the the rest of the world rotates about him.
How many MPs does it take to change a light bulb ?
None, they pay their wives £20K a year via the taxpayer for that sort of thing.
gordon brown change a lightbulb?light bulbs are a global problem .that started in america .if we are prudent ,we wont have to change this light bulb ,unless it goe’s boom and bust’s ,unlike the tories they dont even have a policy for changing lightbulbs but this party unlike the oppersition will invest the nessesary capitol into this problem to make sure it never happens again and we await the report on the findings from the committiee we set up to take furthur action on the matter.
During todays broadcast of the Wright Stuff, Carole Malone stated that when Martin was told by the expenses payman (Walker?) five years ago that expenses were out of hand, he was told by Martin to “Mind his own Business”.
That’s a hell of a source you’ve got there Pete.
Well take the piss but:
Martin: Spent 4 years trying to stop the publication of the expenses
Martin: Spent millions on the upgrade of his state apartment
Martin: Spent hundreds of thousands on lawyers to keep things quiet.
Martin: Had his and Bliars expenses shredded so that they could not be published.
The Speaker has clearly been an ACCOMPLICE TO THEFT
It is clear SPEAKER MARTIN has been an ACCOMPLICE TO THEFT AND FRAUD
Accomplice? He was leader of the gang.
In the Mail yesterday
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1180225/I-didnt-come-politics-whats-owed–What-Speaker-allegedly-told-MP.html
A real piece of work is Martin. Another attempt to polish a turd.
One word seems to sum the Speaker’s motives for entering politics – “Take”
One word sums the speaker. Knut
179
The Hoc lost a Speaker when the tribal Mafia boss Mickey-taker McM*artin was chosen, in its place it gained a pre Thatcher-era shop steward.
Yet another “constitutional reform” from NuLiebour to add to Supreme Courts, People’s Peers (al la Udderly squeezed) and other envy mitigation.
Lowest Common Denominator = Liebour
I could’nt give a fuck what creed,colour,religeon,sexual persuasion,species or party he belongs to.
He’s a knut. End of
Guido
In the interest of fairness you should post this link to Jane Brown’s (Gordon Brown’s sister in law) article in the Guardian:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2009/may/10/gordon-brown-cleaner-mps-expenses
Also, can’t you find a better cartoonist than the appalling Mr Rich?
Yesterday’s news the link is all over GF’s commenters and properly responded to.
Cringe making, isn’t it. I like the suggestion at the end that it was worth paying.
And I agree about the cartoon. Today’s was draedful, and provided a obvious opportunity for all the scat prats to exhibit their dismal humour. I will now anticipate future invitations and fuck off.
woz wrong wid a liddle bid o’scat between fweinds?
Her previous husband, Richard Turner – a prominent anti-apartheid activist – was assassinated in their daughters’ bedroom in 1978.
A mercifull release I’d say!
Margaret Thatcher supported the racist South African appartheid undemocratic government by vetoing sanctions against the illegal regime.
Thatcher knew that government perpetrated state backed assasination of opponents.
South Africans will never forget this aspect of the Conservative Party. It is obvious from sites like this that the Conservative Party still panders to racism. The Conservative Party is out of step with the modern world, wearing recycled trainers or baseball caps doesn’t fool anyone.
Congratulations President Jacob Zuma.
Yeah Right. And left wingers didn’t have any involvement whatsoever with emerging regimes in Africa that murdered their own people because of their tribe, race or political allegiance, did they? Ooops sorry, they were struggling Marxist freedom fighters, so that’s alright then!!!!
Apartheid lost
Thatcher lost
Conservatives lost
Racists are losers
What a shame South Africans don’t have the vote here. If only we had such nice honest non-raping, non-homophobic, incorruptible politicians like the progressive Mr Zuma.
In Durban, RSA – not London, 30 years ago.
As far as I am aware, agents of apartheid South African secret service are no longer roaming the world trying to snuff out opponents.
Or were you doing a joke along the lines of Millie Tant from Viz?
Not sure why my tax pounds should subsidise her paranoia.
Just be sure you don’t go near Jacob in a short skirt and force him to perform his duty.
Maybe the rich bitch thinks that there are BOSS agents, who, like those Japs still in the jungle in the 1970′s, don’t realise that the war is over, and are still trying to get her. Or maybe she’s another troughing (unt who is too important to rely on the police, like the little people do, but needs those same little people to pay their taxes to protect her ass with private security.
Has anyone ever read one of her husband’s books? I imagine they are shit.
I’m getting bored with this, Guido.
Can’t you come up with a sex scandal?
You certainly live up to your name Miss Whiplash.
I bloody well can, if you pay me enough!
“It is the duty of the wealthy man
To give employment to the artisan.”
In this case the wealthy man being the public servant, and the starving poor artisan , his taxpaying employer
I’m a wealthy man and a fucking artisan (don’t know what the hell that means, but it sounds ok and I’ll try anything once!) so it’s right that all you ungrateful bastards should employ me and pay the cost of my pie-eating, shagging, boozing, Jags and anything else that helps me to be the great man that I am. Understand this – I’ll do what the fuck I like to whoever I like, when I like and I’ll charge all it to my expenses because this wonderful system encourages me to do so and if you think that I am going to pay tax on these essential benefits in kind to the life of a world-class leader of men (and women) like me, you can fuck off and die!. If you sods want people of my calibre to stay in politcs, you have to be prepered to bloody well pay the going rate. Anyway, at the moment I’m cheaper than Fred the shred, but I’m working on it! May the Lord Gord be with all you common bastards.
Prestwat, when your fat arse breaks yet another loo seat, do you have to call out the fire brigade to winch your rotting carcase off the khazi? If so do you include that on expenses?
Of course I bloody well claim it on my expenses! Do you think that I’m a fucking idiot?
Labour have “two bogs” prescott and now the Tories have “25 bulbs” Willets
Being fair to the man, he looks like the sort that can quote Plato but cant even wipe his own arse.
If the Tories have any sense they’ll keep him under wraps come the next election filed under, “Too Weird.”
Harsh I know, but politics is a dirty business (cue Mark Oaten joke)
He makes Redwood look normal
Thus illuminating the fact that Willetts is quite bright, but that Prescott is kept in the dark and fed on shite.
Even a dead tree, sprouts green shoots.
I hope you’re right as I am very worried about my mimosa tree that still looks very sad and brown from the severe frost earlier this year. Perhaps all the Brown affected bits should be excised.
Our oleander got killed by the frost. I blame Gordon Broon, the hoon.
This is very small beer indeed.
You should see what taxpayers money we trough through at the BBC.
that is a very good point………
lets see how much the politbureau of the bbc have spunked…….
probably claims for crampons and buttplugs!
Totally O/T, but can I just thank all those who have referred to V for Vendetta in times gone by? Finally got hold of it to watch at the weekend – brilliant. I now understand the image at the top of the blog!
Well done. Now lend it to all your friends
* George Osborne
The parliamentary authorities considered the shadow chancellor’s personal website too “political” to be publicly funded, the newspaper said.
After claiming £30 for a private company to host the site, Mr Osborne was told by an official: “I draw your attention to the ‘Latest News’ section of your webpage. This includes some articles … which contain clearly political content and are therefore not acceptable on a publicly funded website.”
He also put a £440.62 bill for a chauffeur company to drive him from Cheshire to London on November 11 2005 on expenses.
While the invoice offered a 5% discount for “prompt settlement”, Mr Osborne received the full amount
DID HE POCKET/STEAL THE 5%?
We’re still waiting for the hoon to pay up.
Well folks, I was made redundant 20 minutes ago.
Still won’t vote NuLab, even if I am still signing on come the election.
Sorry to hear that but it was NuLab who were he cause of it.
Go and have a beer and familiarise yourself with daytime TV. It helps.
What, The beer helps with the daytime TV? Sounds about right.
Will be getting in a bit of extra Res5 in between updating CV etc. really, but thanks for the advice.
Serves you bloody well right! You ungrateful bastards deserve to feel what it will be like for most Labour MPs after the next election. It won’t bother me – I’m going over to the Tories for a better class of shag and some tastier pies!
Emotional day. Add alcohol.
Another scotch on the rocks, please, steward.
not far behind you mate left school at 15 never had a day out of work in 37 years now selfemployed work has dried up down to my last two jobs savings gone bills to pay fucked by browns fist scull stimulus what a wanker.
Blimey, sounds worse than my situation, good luck mate.
Said it a few times before but it is worth the repetition: the sheer time wasted completing these expenses is mind-boggling. The modest Tuscan £ 2k a month used to take an entire morning; these guys must be at it for a good 20% of their lives. Unless they’ve expensed a flunky to do it for them, the thieving pus-balls.
But Tone what else have they to do…or rather their wives, who are all employed as “office managers” !! And knowing many MPs wives (not in the sack!), I can tell you they love milking the system…gives them mulitiple orgasms…
It must be a tough old life being Francis Maude. Having 2 boys at Winchester – Henry’s doing his A-levels imminently and Alastair is in his second year – takes a total of nearly £60,000 out of taxed income. You simply have to scrimp and scam whatever you can from the taxpayers, just to make ends meet. Being in the same position, I fail to see why I should subsidise him.
What an arrogant shit the man is, by the way, completely untroubled by self-doubt. He shows contempt for both the boys and the dons, managing the subtle trick – at Parents’ Evenings and other events – of dressing (and smelling) like a slob yet cultivating an air of dismissive condescension to everyone around him; “Look at me. Oh, just look at meeee. Then lower your eyes in deference, you oiky little proles. I’m jolly important, me! I know David Cameron”.
Perhaps there will be fractionally more humility on display on June 13th; that is, if he dares to show his sleek and smarmy face at Winchester Day. Come to think of it, perhaps he’ll bung the taxi on expenses.
Not a fan, then?
There are a number of more important and more influential parents there, from all over the world, all of whom show themselves to be far ‘bigger’ than Maude by behaving like regular folk. Curiously, we are all democratised by the common factor of our sons’ intelligence. Maude is one of a very few who strut and preen their way around the place with an almost proprietorial disdain.
I’m sure you’re right…
He’s always seemed to me to be a smarmy smug tosser. Nice to have it confirmed.
Maude strikes me as someone who was born looking shifty.I really don’t want to see him in government again.Cameron should get rid of him.He won’t be missed.
You’re on a slippery slope if you start being picky about Tory talent, IMHO.
I’ll take his place – I’ve been thinking for a while that the Tories would be better off with me on their team. I would add some fucking class and show those bastards how to claim some serious expenses! Anyway, now that I’ve made some serious money, I am a natural Tory and I need to ditch these pathetic pratts in the Labour party before the country ditches them at the next election. So Dave, chuck two-brains out and I’ll jump aboard and show you guys how it’s done; you’ve one or two chicks over there that look as though they would appreciate a man like me and I’ve just about gone through all the labour slags (even “Lordy” Mandy is beginning to look like a good shag if the lioghts not too bright!). Yeah Dave, I’m your man, so get the pies in and line up the pussy ‘cos I’m coming over as soon as I can get my pants on.
@138
I’ve got him on the list and he surely won’t be missed.
You sound like one of those awful people, one occasionally stumbles in to at abysmal public events, the type who bought their own furniture and witter on endlessly about school fees, send them to South Africa if it’s such a struggle, very cheap indeed.
Well, to be fair to myself, I don’t begrudge a penny of the fees and wouldn’t want to give that impression.
I do, however, resent Maude’s insufferably patrician behaviour, and am delighted that he has been pilloried by the Telegraph as the same sort of conniving little weasel as the rest of the contemptible crew of the Palace of Westminster. I’m sure that it hurts him, far more than the exposure itself, to be seen as part of the same grasping order of humanity as Blears, Hoon, Miliband and so on.
Guido,
Any comment/post on the 17% rise mentioned in the Express at the weekend?
17% increase in expenses given the current furore? Are they on a different planet?
http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/100092/EXCLUSIVE-MPs-vote-for-16million-more-expenses
Beggars belief, doesn’t it.
Either they simply haven’t grasped how much they have pissed off the entire nation, or they actually think they are worth it.
Pretty deluded, either way.
If you feel Barbara Follet shouldn’t claim for any more window cleaning (at a cost of £94 a time for the home she shares with millionaire husband)
Here’s a link to a great film by experimental youth marketing agency Don’t Panic offering to clean them for free:
http://www.dontpaniconline.com/magazine/pure/cleaning-barbara-follets-windows
i believe that nowadays some criminals can have their homes seized,cash,cars in fact anything and sold off …….
well who made those rules?
what’s good enough for the goose!
Most of these Tory ones don’t seem that bad compared to the Socialist ones – as ever Labour had money scandals; but Maude has been taking the piss. SO he CAN now do everyone a favour by resigning. This might start a deluge and might bring the woeful Moran, that most important Asian in Britain, the Hoon and Blears to heel? The latter ought to go anyway before being shoved judging by the level of spite coming out of Number 10! (They have changed a lot since Campbell and McBride supposedly left!)
Spoil your local election ballot paper if we all vote then a majority spoling says non of the above are fit. As labour were voted in with only 23% of the electorate.
Vote ukip for your only chance of a referendum on Europe as a vote for the main three gives cart blanche to do what the hell they like.
Ukip if you want to.
totally agree void your ballot papers just write scum or any thing other than an ‘X’ but dont give up your right to vote if you dont bother these twats wil say oh well i got 12 vote and he only got 3 so the people want me to represent them . Huhne’s
That stupid numpty Emily a labour apologist is on R5 talking nonsense about the X’s.Seems to have copied the Yvette Cooper “you know” method of talking
Funny how no MP wants to talk about “colleagues”. Pass the sick bag.
emily is an islington gropie — one of the worst
Early
Money
Is
Like
Yeast
Put some yoghurt on it Cherie, and tell Tony not to hang around with Mandelson so much in future.
Only slightly OT, can anyone explain why MPs are entitled to severence pay? Surely the nature of the job is a fixed term contract – until the next General Election. These are common in both private and public sectors and do not entitle the worker to any form of serverence pay. Indeed, even in the public sector, many quite senior staff have to regularly re-bid for their own jobs, so why should MPs be different?
It’s not about logic , it’s about power.
In fact,why pay the lazy sods at all. They are political appointments. Give the money to Central Office and let them pay what they want to. As all party Finances are completely shagged, that should fix things. 2nd jobs flogging the Big Issue will be in order.
Let the blokes go, but keep the pussy until I’ve been there!
Nah, with all this ‘flu about, they should just stand on street corners handing out The Big Tissue
when i’m P M they’l get severence pay! they have to pay me just before i cut off their fucking heads twat’s
“heads twats”
Make you mind up, I’ll have to move the block.
Simply because many a politician has trotted out the mantra “NO REWARD FOR FAILURE” it CANNOT APPLY TO THEM.
lol, it’s no wonder Fred Goodwin told them all to f**k off when they asked for his pension back.
I’m sure he was well aware that what he had done was “within the rules”
Fuck off!
No I clearly asked for a penis on back
Guido too is silent on the Balls. Weird shit is going down.
I’ve always found it particularly difficult to hide my own pair of balls from sight.
It’s a truly horrible thought but maybe, just maybe, Balls and Cooper haven’t done anything out of order.
Dear God let me be wrong……
My thoughts are that all MPs are incapable of changing over lightbulbs, I mean a bit of thought has to go into the purchase of said, are they screw-in or bayonet fixing, buy the wrong ones and you are snookered.
So, do any MPs have enough of a light on “upstairs” to get the right ones..Duh!!!
Having said that David is known as “two brains Willets”, I guess both his lights are out…Prime Minister material don’t you think.
Brown now apologising for parliament: appropriate as he himself is an apology for a Prime Minister.
Don’t say sorry – do sorry, you wretch. = RESIGN.
The Prime Minister sincerely regrets being found out.
If Brown accepts that the expenses system is wrong, why didn’t he fix it in the past? After all his party has been in power for 12 years now.
No. Much better to keep quiet, keep the snout in the trough and hope that Joe Public never finds out what he is paying for.
I don’t want apologies and change. I want prosecutions and sequestration.
Indeed. There is a rule in the Green Book which states that all expenses must be incurred wholly and exculsively in order to carry out the role of MP.
Most of the claims we have seen fall foul of this. Will any action be taken against offenders?
It depends on the type of bulbs, their site and location.
And to be honest, I’d rather an MP provides employment to someone and spend their time on constituency business.
If the bulbs were in hard-to-reach locations (above a certain height, for example) I would expect an MP -or anyone to call for an expert.
besides, was he changing the bulbs or installing new ones? A different matter. I think The Telegraph might be in danger of buggering-up their exclusive. A pity, as it cost them so much…
And to be honest, I’d rather an MP provides employment to someone and spend their time on constituency business.
Yes. but with their OWN MONEY. NOT MINE.
Guido, time to show what an honest, hard working lad can do. He can certainly show most of our so-called politicians a thing or two.
http://subrosa-blonde.blogspot.com/2009/05/well-deserved-accolade.html
A lot of MPs are saying that their published expenses are wrong and that they didn’t claim for the things the Telegraph says they claimed for.(eg Margaret Moran) I suppose if someone in the Fees Offices saw all this unaccountable cash sloshing around and was criminally inclined it would be easy to insert a few “claims” into the system to use up unused allowances.
Bloody Hell, Dan! I hadn’t thought of that! Well spotted!
So the entire system could be corupt, with corrupt officials, too?
Great. 12 Years of NuLab for you…
That’s easy.
The Police and Inland Revenue can check banks statements.
As I said in a previous post, this is organised crime which the Italians tackle with special Police units, special prosecutors and carefully selected judges.
We need a similar approach to re-establish public trust and ensure that criminals in politics receive the same treatment as criminals elsewhere.
Let’s not forget the King Trougher – Mr Speaker.He’s not obliged to divulge any details of his claims,so here are a few:
‘Mr Martin rented out his London flat while claiming expenses on his constituency home and living in a grace-and-favour apartment. Mr Martin moved into Speaker’s House at the Palace of Westminster eight years ago. But he continues to make annual claims of up to £17,166 on his second-home allowance’
He has run up a bill of nearly £150,000 in foreign travel in three years
He and his wife have flown to scores of exotic locations, usually travelling first or business class.
The Taxpayers’ Alliance questioned why he had claimed almost £6,000 in mileage over a two-year period when he represented a relatively small urban constituency
I’ll forget the taxi trips for the shopping by Mrs M,or the use of air miles to buy flights for relatives,earned on publically funded trips ,or the chauffer-driven trips to Celtic Park, or the 25K on flights from Glasgow to London for the missus.
Gordon Brown said of the former metal worker: “He obviously brings a huge amount of experience from things that he’s done earlier in his life to the job and I think you’ll find that there’s an enormous respect for what he’s achieved as the Speaker.”
I too am in awe -daylight robbery on a grand scale and not giving a shit about it. I could probably buy Scotland with what he has trousered.
So brazen they do not even bother to hide it.
Don’t you understand that I’m *owed* this money, you dirty fucking oik? Johnny Taxpayer owes me and I’ll bleed the bastard dry until I get every last penny I’m due.
-M. Martin, Palace of Westminster, London (during vacations: Casa de Gorbals Mick, Springburn, Glesga)
I’ve no idea if this is true, but I so want it to be.
A friend of mine just told me: “I live a couple of streets away from Hazel Blears. We had a decorator in last week who did some work on her house (big surprise) a while ago and he said that while he was there she summoned her husband in from the garden by ringing a cowbell.
On more than one occasion!”
Oh please let it be true.
Was she wearing the cow bell?
If the bell fits…
He then should have summoned her by (w)ringing her neck!
It was probably milking the expenses time !
Did Harriet Harman also come running too??
No. You would need Huhnebell to attract her.
Remember, Remember the 5th of November,
The thieving and stealing, the lot,
I know of no reason why the MP’s treason,
Should ever be forgot.
Watching El Gordo the Great, doing his stage managed act of contrition this morning, doing that “blair thing” with his hands, you know those gestures that the Mass-debater uses to direct and distract with?
Well it kind of made me think of the following passage, putting yourself in Gordons and the rest of the swines’ uncomfortable position for moment.
“Thus i clothe my naked villany in old odd ends, stolen forth from Holy writ, and seem a saint when most i play the devil! “
Can you have a word with your mate christmas to come, and find out who won the King George VI chase?
Kauto Star
bet the hoons use this to try and get their wages increased
We need a new version of the old Christmas Carol ‘A Partridge in a Pear Tree’
Some thoughts
On the first day of Cashmas, my true love gave to me :
A HP cartridge
On the third day – three second homes
On the fourth day – four flipping homes
To quote the late Stan Freburg
On the fifth day – five tubeless tyres
On the eigth day – eight lords asleazing
etc
per ardua ad nauseam
Shadow Welsh Secretary Cheryl Gillan claimed for dog food. She really ought to change her diet.
Are you sure it was’nt Dogging?
She saw the word Bonio, and thought, “on expenses no less !”
I demand that the police act with the utmost rigour and speed in detecting and prosecuting the criminals who leaked the MP expenses to Labourgraph and brought UK politics into deep disrepute by their activities.
I know I am joined by thePrime Mentalist and all honest hardworking law abiding members ( Labour only ) in my demand that is entirely in the pubic interest.
As Gordon Broon says ” we must have clean up politics, that Labour MPs can have confidence in”.
if a nurse had been poised over Brown giving him an enema, would his apology have been so mealy-mouthed?
Can I give him that enema please?
It seems that we’ve also paid £5,700 for a portico to be added to the constituency home of a Tory MP. Why?
If porticos are so necessary to an MP (added, presumably, to a house that had managed quite well without a portico up until recently) that the public purse must pay for them, why aren’t everyone’s porticos tax-deductible? I want a portico around my back door, to keep my wellington boots dry when I forget to bring them in and it rains. In what way is my portico not necessary and the MP’s portico is necessary?
I want Parliament dissolved. I want this generation of parasitic MPs to repay what they have stolen and/or pay arrears of tax and interest and penalties. I want a clean start.
Completely O/T. Light relief; no pun intended.
Jesus lives under my patio
Pathetic, isn’t it?
I had a potato once which looked just like Balls.
Ended up as chips.
Did someone mention chips?
We need to know which MPs, if any, are not abusing the system. I assume they are all guilty hence it would be nice to know who isn’t. As to involving the police ,HMRC etc. forget it. The rage of a cheated electorate should be sufficient to remove the guilty ones from public life for ever. This parliament can have no authority over us until it is cleansed. Cameron must clean out his party or he cannot expect to ask us to entrust our parliament to him. Sorry is just no longer good enough.
Hilary Benn is OK apparently, if you like that sort of thing.
I like it a lot.
I was there at the meeting that photograph of David Willets was taken and he said
“Ladies and Gentlemen I’m not a kidding you my one is this long!!!”
How many lightbulbs does it take to change a government?
about 57,000 and counting.
Expensesgate sleaze update
Oh, dear…
Why has the PM said he is satisfied with the explanations given by MPs for their expenses?
because he`s a twat
Brown is so very sorry, plus other updates
Sorry.I think I messed the html stuff up…
They have done nothing RIGHT and nothing HONOURABLE!
http://www.odditees.co.uk/t-shirts.php?id=161&title=NOTHING_RIGHT,_NOTHING_HONOURABLE
H/T to Jamie Oliver for the picture, says it all really: Stench found in Westminster.
Is Boris in the clear?
Hang ‘um all
To be fair, we can’t expect MPs to be left in the dark at home. That’s what Parliament is for.
With Gordon Brown lie proceeds from lie, and fraud from fraudulence.
Why won’t he admit that wholesale fraud has been conducted by dozens of individuals who should immediately be placed under arrest?
Brown with all his ‘mistakes’ and ‘errors,’ is the leader of a criminal conspiracy which takes the form of a political party, as in the Nuremberg Principles 1950.
Brown appoligised ON BEHALF OF OTHERS WHAT HAS HAPPENED. What a toss pot. An appology is by YOU for what YOU have done, NOT what has happened. Brown can’t appologise to save his life, what a complete loser. It should have been like this: I APPOLOGISE FOR WHAT I HAVE DONE! NOTHING LESS!
And if he actually meant it, he’d pay back the money he claimed for his second home while he already had a free one at Downing Street.
I’m not holding my breath.
Why is that twat james gray still an mp ? come on dave sack the bastard.
James Gray may well be odious but he has come up with a perfectly reasonable explanation, if true,that he made no such claim.Others are also making reasonable explanations; only the Tories of course, Labour either remain silent or defiant.The worst offender on the Tory side seems to be Alan Duncan, who is also too smug by half and has a highly punchable face, as does Francis Maude.We are all angry at our dishonest representatives but in that anger we must also be just
I’m talking about is thieving, its is behaviour.
http://iaindale.blogspot.com/
I can take him, know what I mean ‘arry.
What so far is the running total of the fraud? I’d like to see a headline like “Political racketeers stole £3 million” and see it discussed in the media like any other major conspiracy that should only end in imprisonment.
Ah, a consensus amongst the three main parties.
A consensus of apologies for their troughing.
I don’t want hollow apologies.
I want them to pay back the money & resign.
By the very nature of their gluttonous troughing at our expense tells us that they are not fit to hold public office.
Surely, the Police can be called in for some of these outrageous claims?
Its theft. And fraud.
draper-watch:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1180448/From-frumpy-funky-Pregnant-Kate-Garraway-revamps-leggings-tunic-look.html
Cameron should ask the Her Maj to intervene and dissolve parliament.
June 4th should be a General Election as well.
I’m also an expert in housing
“One of the biggest problems facing Lutonians is the lack of affordable, decent housing. ‘Unless more homes are built, first-time buyers and young families will find it more and more difficult to get a foot on the housing ladder’ says Margaret. That is why is has been one of her top priorities as Luton South’s MP to boost the number of new, afforable homes not just for buyers, but renters too….”
http://www.margaretmoran.org.uk/index.php/parliament/economy/
Not that I have any time for the latest lot of sleazy news about a bunch of sleazy gits … but did anyone notice that the BBC news bulletins, until the 1pm news on BBC1, gave with great relish a list of the Tories who had claimed, and for what. When it was the Labour lot, the coverage was muted in comparison. Jack Straw? Peter Mandelson? And all the others who are actual as opposed to shadow ministers? And didn’t Gordon Brown claim for light bulbs amongst other things, including a BSkyB subscription? And this is the intellect of the 20/21st century. Give me a break! (Anyway – at the time he was supposed to be going superfast through the system in Scotland, so were lots of others. Loads and loads of people had their university entrance qualifications at the age of 15 or 16.)
Glen O glaza (i think that’s what he’s called) on Sky was nearly in tears over Labour’s fiddles and defended them with the usual guff but read out the Tory list with great relish. Shame because Sky is usually quite good – but not as good as Tom Bradby of ITV
The answer to the problem of expenses is really easy.
House all MPs in a purpose built accomodation block somewhere near Parliament – for free. Have a subsidised canteen and bar. All rooms to be cleaned daily by a central organisation. Pay them £150k a year and THAT’S ALL. No expenses allowed anywhere except for a 2nd class rail season ticket to their constituencies. End of, Finito, Sorted!
150K! Are you ‘avin a larf?
So give them free accommodation, cheap food and drink and travel, on top of something like an £85,000 pay rise?!?
“THAT’S ALL”…?!?
Are you on drugs??
Sorry? The thieving swine are sorry because they’ve been found out. As Guido says, all this has been going on for years and years. The prime mentalist now states that these claims must be stopped now that they have come to light! For once, the cretin is absolutely right. Needless to say he wants everyone to believe that, like Manuel, he knew nothing. Less than a week ago he was reported as having said that he had far more important things to do than look into trivia like expenses. Do we really get the government we deserve?
Yep
Nope. I’ve never voted Labour.
One positve might be that it will galvanise many more people to vote
I may be dumb…but explain this one to me please…
There is a DATA PROTECTION ACT…
Police have been called in to investigate the LEAK…
But it seems Speaker Al Capone Martin and Smooth fraud Blair had their expense DATA REMOVED…(like the Watergate tapes !)
Seems quite simple really..
Why the hell have a DATA PROTECTION ACT when all they need to do is to eliminate the DATA before it ever gets leaked ?!
No LEGAL DUTY to protect or conserve the DATA in the first place then ?!
What?
Gorbals Mick’s list of expenses has vanished?
Do you have a source?
all over the interwebby papers man
yes…
ask Guido or the Telegraph…
Not a word on the Gorbals’ expenses…
Mick and Tone’s expenses were shredded ‘accidentally’ some time ago.
Speaker Martin is not only a hoon, he is an idiot, too. Without evidence to support his position re expenses, how could he defend himself against allegations that he -for example- spent £40,000 on food and wine? He can’t! So he is indeed an idiot!
http://thatsnews.blogspot.com
Another thought..
The Tories or LibDems should take it a manifesto commitment to promote the famous (unidentified) LEAKER to the posiotion of Clerk of the House and Chief Executive
He/she ha
It is refreshing to see that my policy of taxing the poor to give to the rich have finally been implemented.
Removing the 10% tax rate in order that the successors to my noble barons can maintain their lifestyle has taken 800 years but at last I am vindicated.
Robin Hood has finally lost.
Bring back George Thomas and Betty Boothroyd as speaker(s). How can you compare these holders of one of the most important positions of our democracy with that big fat tub of lard that sits there now. Absolutely no comparison. He alone has done so much to destroy the integrity of Parliament.
Still, I here he’ll have a great pension pot after he’s kicked out at the next election, so he probably couldn’t give a stuff. His made already. What do you call some one like this? I’m running out of adjectives and nouns, please help?
Good morning all…
Busy today…
Am putting teams of detectives onto these ra
sorry…interrupted by Boris again !I am putting teams of detectives onto these rascals now..But I would like complaint to be filed directly with me at NEW SCOTLAND YARDVICTORIA STREETLONDON SWIAttention the CommissionerAgainst Mr Speaker Martin for knowlingly and willingly establishing and continuing a system or deliberate theft and fraud of the the Public Exchequer…Even if he is voted out, I will then be able to file charges against him…Especially when the CPS has a Chief who does his job honestly…SO let the criminal complaints flood into my office please…
Old George might be a bit niffy these days although his expenses are likely to be few and far between.
One more thought…
Why do the Tories and/or LibDems not make it a Manifesto commitment to promote the (unidentified) LEAKER to the position of Clerk of the House and Chief Executive ?
He/she has shown great copurage and fulilled his/her duty to the People by leaking all this shyt..
And Boris should state publicly that he will give evidence if the LEAKER is found and prosecuted…stating that it is quite clearly in the PUBLIC INTEREST…
Nothing in my lifetime following politics has been more obviously in the PUBLIC INTEREST…like all of Guido’s work..He should be made OFFICIAL OMBUDSMAN..how about that ?!
I think its quite possible the whistle blower had more than one paymaster.
No proof yet any money changed hands..
And there were probably middle men…The original LEAKER was probably some junior official in the Fees Office who did not receive a penny…
But did his/her patriotic duty…
@320
could be but look at the bigger picture, since that 10p tax hike and other measures hitting the rich this government has been showerd with the proverbial ever since. They upset a lot of powerful people with that one, not the sort to sit on their hands and do nothing.
This will make you proud to be British
http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,25197,25361297-7583,00.html
Frightening, isn’t it. But we are paying to be shacked and should bear that in mind at the next election.
Are they letting Ronnie Biggs out soon? At least he was an honest thief, he never claimed to be “honourable”.
Tell that to the family of the train driver who died some months after being badly beaten by the gang
He died years later you thick twat, nothing to do with the train robbery at all.
Not the old “I was walking the dog and errrr….taking a bath whilst hovering and I slipped” gag. The amount of times I hear that one. Edwina was the worst, you’ll never guess where an egg ended up after the office Christmas party… shocking.
Nick Robinson’s latest comments on the thieving going on at Westminster from his blog:-
“It is with great sadness that I have to announce the death of the “honourable member”.
Let’s be clear, I am not arguing that there are no “honourable” men and women left in Parliament. There are many.” – yeh right
He’s probably doing just enough to make sure he still gets an invite on Gordons plane whenever he goes abroad (should go abroad more often and stay there!)
Guido gets a really good mention in the very first comment
“Nick
An apology is due from you too for reporting over many years that only a very few MPs fiddled their expenses when it was widespread and Guido Fawkes and others were pointing it out all along.”
The whole article and comments are here:-
http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/nickrobinson/2009/05/honourable_no_m.html#comments
Can’t wait either for the Blair/Brown Broadcasting corporation to get their just deserts too . Dissolve parliament now! Come the revolution!
YOU TOTAL LYING BASTARDS.
A Gummunt Spokes PorkPerson has issued the following :
10 Drowning (in Debt) Street. 2pm May 11, 2009
The Glorious and Beloved Leader suffered a further operation this morning to remove another apology.
The emergency apologectomy, coming so soon after that of a few weeks’ ago, has left him weak and debilitated.
Emergency Teams of Equality and Diversity, ‘Elf ‘n Safety, ‘Rights’ Officers, Cownslurs, Compliance Officers and jobsworths are on hand, together with the Prime Minister-in-Waiting, Mzz. Harriden HaPerson.
AlJaBeeba will issue hourly bulletins, 1/2 hourly updates, 1/4 hourly newsflashes, and 5 minute page alerts.
Did I say that I do not want to be Prime Minister?
Not often enough.
Speaking as a barely literate speaker for this discredited government, I have to insist on my rights – lotsa dosh.
All the top dogs in any sochlist paradise get all the goodies.
Now get back to work – if you’ve got any!
Just to change the subject for a sec . . . the resign petition is only up to 56,600. Don’t forget to encourage your spouses, children, parents, care-workers or maximum security prison guards to bloody well sign up.
All of these thieving hoons of MPs need to hear about the Pay It Back Campaign. We want our money back!
Does this include the cost of the lightbulbs?
Don’t those MP’s who claim their receipts are wrong know the disc also contains their bank details which the Guardian is not publishing but you can bet your bottom dollar they’ve checked to ensure they DID get paid for these ‘wrong’ receipts – complete pillocks
Look at Woolas after his repeated denials he’s been caught lying – again
Nice one Guido but I don’t think anything will beat the bag o’shite claim
William Lenthall (1591–9 November 1662), was an English politician of the Civil War period. He served as Speaker of the House of Commons.
In his will, Lenthall asked to be buried without any state and without a monument, ‘acknowledging myself to be unworthy of the least outward regard in this world and unworthy of any remembrance that hath been so great a sinner’. The most he would permit was a plain stone carved with the Latin inscription Vermis sum, which means: I am a worm. (wikipedia source)
Anyone got a good epitaph for speaker martin?
If David “two” wallets is so incompetent as a handyman, can we arrange for him to rewire Margaret Moron’s holiday home?
Gorbals Mick is a sleazy old soul,
And a sleazy old soul is he,
He called for his rights,
And he called for his tights,
And he called for his fiddling fee,
For every fiddler had a fiddle,
And a very fine fiddler is he,
Oh there’s none so rare as can compare,
With Mick and his Speaker’s fee,
His teeth are grim and his belly huge,
And his clothes all smell of wee,
For every fiddle is a rotten fiddle
And what a big bloated fiddler is he,
So do all that you can,
To avoid this man,
If you see him come to thee,
For a fiddler is a fiddler; no matter what,
And a very fine fiddler is he!
And another: (Apologies to King Cole)
Our MP is a sleazy old soul,
And a sleazy old soul is she,
She called for her tights,
Then she called for her rights,
And she called for her fiddling fee,
For every fiddler had a fiddle,
And a very fine fiddler is she,
With one home here and one home there
And home just for free,
Oh there’s none so rare as can compare,
With the ginger mingers fee,
For every fiddle is a rightful little fiddle,
And what a fine rightful fiddler is she,
So to all of you fools,
Who stay within the rules,
Don’t worry un-duly,
For it’s not too long before you’ll get your gong,
And other fiddles coming for free,
For a fiddler is a fiddler; no matter what…
(singing)
And a very fine fiddler is she, is she,
And a very fine fiddler is she!
Guido, tell us who drew the lowest expenses so that we can vote for them and to hell with all the others.
The wretched and hopelessly incompetent M Martin who is out of his depth wanted the edited expense details released after the June elections. Presumably because he knew that the truth would harm his beloved labour party that has fed and nourished him throughout his pathetic and useless career. Now that he has lost control of the release, he has decided to allow them be issued this month. As if that would make any difference to the election result. He is as every bit as disreputable as all the other grasping MP’s
The slow-witted, partisan Mr Martin should be sent back north of Hadrian with the rough end of a pineapple stuffed well up his not inconsiderably upholstered arse.