Gordon Has His Own Powder Puff
The Sun has got hold of Gordon’s fashion tips. According to a leaked typed guide sheet for the Prime Mentalist, his personal routine is;
1. Transparent Brush. Foam all over.
2. Small pot under eyes, dimple, creases, blend in.
3. Clinique. Super balanced make-up. All over again, like painting a wall, and ears. Shut eyes over lids then with make-up pad smooth over liquid.
4. Powder (dark brush) terracotta Guerlain, all over.
The mystery of how Gordon ended up with a big orange blob on his forehead is solved…
He needs to be removed. The man in insane
And he should take Toenails with him, made tory troughing sound much more di-honourable than Liebore
Brilliant : now we’ve heard about Gordon’s slap, here’s a simpler set of instruction for him : Gordon Brown – You Couldn’t Make Him Up.
Anyone find his lippy? What a laughing stock.
One point missed by all is the fact that they tend to leave all sorts of stuff on public transport. At least it was not all our DNA details for an ID card
Hoons
“You are odd, Father Gordon,” the young man said,
”And your party is in disarray;
And now your delusions have gone to your head –
Do you think you should call it a day?”
“In my youth,” the Prime Minister said in reply,
“My integrity mattered a lot;
But, now that it’s obviously gone by-the-by,
Depart? I shall certainly not!”
“You are odd,” said the youth, “as I mentioned before,
And widely considered a twat;
Yet you seem to be planning to stay a year more -
Pray, how do you justify that?”
“Notwithstanding” said Brown “my late father’s advice,
My ethics have always been *supple*.
And now all my scruples are yours for a price –
Allow me to sell you a couple.”
“You are odd,” said the man, “and too clever by half,
And you give yourself socialist airs;
Yet you smash telephones and you bully at your staff -
What causes this state of affairs?”
“I have answered two questions, and that is enough”
Said the PM with angry display.
”You are merely a voter: do I give a stuff?
I’ll have Jacquie Smith lock you away!”
(apolgies to Lewis Carroll etc etc)
That poem is fantastic – I’m old enough to remember the original!
We are not worthy.
Bravo, encore, more!
This is “flipping” brilliant !!
I feel that it should be available on a tea-towel or something…
Or even set to music ‘Gilbert and Sullivan’ style…
Very good!
The Penguin
Excellent poem
ROFLMAO!
Brilliant – it is always nice to see a touch of culture appearing here, it is a rather rare event unfortunately! :-(
Absolutely first class
Worth a Butt of Sack in anybody’s book – top stuff!
Fantastic poem!
Remember this from childhood – fabulous!!
Brooker tells the orange spotted one what its really like …
Guardian will soon be the new Torygraph.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/may/11/charlie-brooker-gordon-brown
what a great piece, well worth the read and in the Guardian too!!
Miming to the Kaiser Chiefs. Good one.
And, perchance, was the “Powder (dark brush) terrecotta Guerlain”, needed to touch up the colour of his arse? :-)
Brown the Clown, when he is booted out he can get a new job at the circus, John Major in reverse.
The haemland Scotland ends the lovein
“Prime Minister should do the decent thing and resign now
IAIN MacWHIRTER”
The orange blob was where a British citizen managed to hit him with a cricket bat. Gordon didn’t notice.
Nah
Ziggy Stardust Tribute Karaoke night
The Man Who Sold the World….
was me
What an embarrassment.
When he puts lipstick on he looks like Widow Twankey!!!!!
he he he
Resettlement training for after the next GE.
He needs a large bottle of Grecian 2000 as well.
The Penguin
needs a 2000lb Grecian dropping on his head
The Geecian 2000, now there was a miscarriage of justice!
The Grecian 2000, now there was a miscarriage of justice!
No, the best medicine for all Nazis, a 2,000lb “cookie” dropped from a Lancaster bomber with a couple of hundred incendiaries just to make sure.
Nah
a ‘tallboy’ dropped on his head from a Lancaster he really would like a tallboy
In his now legendary U-Tube video, Gordon was not only plastered with orange makeup, but his hair was tinted, as well as being washed and combed (how strange he must have felt!). But when he next appeared in public his hair was back to its usual grey greasy rope. It shows just how much store he set by what turned out to be a disastrous intervention.
I’m told by a very reliable source that its usuall Sue Nye that applies it.
But Gordo gets very impatient (quelle surprise) and often does it himself…
Hence the orange blob… :-)
I had been thinking he looked a bit like Barbara Cartland these days.
Looks like Brown has been using Homer Simpson’s ‘Make-up’ Gun again with the setting on HARLOT.
He needs sectioning…NOW
LMAO this mad man just gets better and better. He’s the next big act on the comedy store.
Btw have you noticed how quiet fuck wits like Ben Elton and co are about all this new labour shite.
Oh yeah. Ben-fucking-Elton. Double seat, double seat, gotta get a double seat. Fucking priceless observational comedy. No, really.
Alternative comedy. The alternative to comedy.
As shit today as it was 20 years ago.
Oh Yeah. Gordon-fucking-Brown. Safe seat, safe seat gotta get a safe seat.
Fucking priceless authoritarian socialism. No, really.
Alternative government. The alternative to government
As shit today as he was 20 years ago.
;)
Very good. Extra buns for you.
Ben Elton, as funny as shitting a hedge hog!
In the words of the late, great , Manning
“Cannon & Ball..the only comedy double act, with two straight men!”
I thank you it is so gladdening of one’s marvellous working class heart to know, to comprehend, that I, the great Ben Elton, made a difference to people whose lives had been ruined by that Mrs. Thatch.
On the other hand Ben Elton did co-write Blackadder which only a twat would not find funny.
By the end of her reign, Thatcher had lost it and deserved to go.
The Tories who enjoyed themselves at John Major’s expense are the ones who brought about Tony Blair.
Elton made his packet years ago and now has a very conventional showbiz life (sort of 21st Century Tarby).
The pompous Marcus Brigstocke, Mark Steel and Jeremy Hardy are still spouting their left-wing, oh-so-right-on humour at license payers expense every week on R4.
They are talented and funny people, but where is the plurality of viewpoint? Typical of the mono-cultural worldview that dominates the BBC.
Oh Doctor you are so right. The news quiz on R4 is formulaic. I am sure it is compulsory for the words Tory and Toff to be mentioned and of course there has to be at least one sneeringly rude reference to a member of the royal family. Then there is “inbreeding in Norfolk” which is good for a laugh but strangely enough no mention of real inbreeding in Bradford. Hmmm.. I wonder why not?
Simple cure for Brigstocke and his ilk — don’t pay the fee!
It’s easy. Start here:
http://www.tvlicensing.biz/phpBB3/
Better still, junk your TV set. Then you’re completely bombproof and you’re spared all these arseholes like Marr. Can highly recommend the TV-free life.
“Ben” Elton also writes what he calls “books” or “novels”.
These are the male equivalent of chick-lit and are equally unreadable.
Perhaps his next blockbuster will find his “humour” and terrific insight focussed on the New Labour project – a sort of Decline and Fall for the near-literate.
A Detuned television, one that can only be used as a monitor, attached to a DVD player or detuned video recorder does not need a license fee as it cannot receive so called free to air television channels.
No money is then needed to pay for odious creeps in broadcasting house.
Yes, Brigstocke et al get right up my snout every Friday. Exactly how bad do things have to get before they admit they’re on the wrong side of the argument?…
The Brown Broadcasting Corporation’s Head of Entertainment’s retort to the claim of left-wing extremism was simply:
“Where are the right-wing comedians? You find me one and we’ll put ‘em on…”
Christ! Who wants any ‘goose-stepping Nazis’? No thanks – just get us somebody who didn’t used to sell/to write for Socialist worker (before swanning off and making their £millions)
Don’t forget that Eddie Izzard started off on the Bog Brush Tour with Type 2 Fat Bastard from Hull. So what bloody island has he been living on for the last 12 years? “Am I a man? Am I a poofta?” The twathead is allegedly one of the four or five people in the country who actually LIKE giving most of what they earn to a demented bully from Scotland. There was another of them on Question Time a few weeks back, but I’ve no idea who he was. They haven’t the guts, or the humour, to invite Sir Michael Caine onto the programme.
At least the Lizzard has some talent, unlike that preprogrammed, motormouthed bore Mr Elton. While we’re at it, let’s stuff Jeremy Hardy’s head up the Son of the Manse’s arse-hole, followed by Mr Brigstocke. One shit at a time. One shit at a time.
Doncha know…it’s all ‘Thatch’s fault’ apparently!
Anyway hasn’t Ben Elton turned into Phil ‘Call me Cindy at the weekend’ Woolas?
OOO Er Missus.
Great spot.
I would recommend cement, about six feet thck.
No amount of makeup will ever make that bastard look remotely human .. though decapitation would be a good start ..
Don’t forget the wooden stake through his black heart.
The Penguin
Has it even got a heart ?
So…you can’t polish are turd..but you can stick a bit of lippy on it!
still awaiting moderation… ???
I must be a complete kunnttt
Who will be Salome? The red-headed homunculus or that old slapper with the big boobies from the ‘Ome Hoffice?
And this man is in charge? Morning folks
Hi Nell.x
Morning ladies, fancy a glass of wine this evening, all on the taxpayer of course….
You knoooowwww, when you’ve been tangoed!
I’ve found a piccie of him once the make-up is fully applied:
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/tv/article2218195.ece
how long before guido comes up with the dirt on Hoon and fat porker Rennard as promised? please do not be so reticent mr fawkes.
That Cheryl Gillan wants force-feeding dog food through a funnel.
Rinka,
Due to a deluge of sleaze Guido is having to pace himself. It was the weekend and bottles of wine don’t drink themselves. The dirt is delayed, not dumped.
Good man. It must be like taking candy of a baby for you at the mo.
Thank you Guido.
If it is possible to bring porker Rennard to the top of the pile, please do not hesitate as – to date – the Liberals appear to be the sleaze free party.
Norman Baker must by now have earned a fortune spilling out sanctimony in freelanced newspaper columns on the subject of sleaze and I am sure that I am not alone in awaiting with keen interest his balanced, bipartisan and objective views on this particular individual.
At risk of being dramatic, Guido, I think you have done this country a great service.
What I love best is the irony that, despite spending loadsa(our)money on a Sturmbahnfeuhrer (sp?) for Digital Engagement, they try to exploit t’internet to carry their propaganda and completely f*ck it up. Then they get f*cked themselves because they lack understanding. What they do not understand is truth.
They also do not understand that Brown is a genuine idiot – he is just an academically gifted idiot – and there are no shortages of them in British academe!
I think, like Brown’s self-proclaimed economic brilliance, that his academic brilliance is likewise pure self-proclaimed bullshit. Any old arse can get a PhD. It’s just another three year attendance certificate agreeing with your PhD supervisor and doing their donkey work.
If you believe the bullshit put out by the Palestinians then they are the most educated people on the planet. they boast the highest percentage of PhDs in the world apparently. Too bad they’re all PhDs in Islamic Studies. Now if they were getting PhDs in enginnering or physics or maths or something parctical and useful then the Israelis might start to get worried.
Same with a PhD in ‘History of the Scottish Labour Party’. Who fucking cares? What fucking use is that?
It’s not exactly as challenging as integrating the wave equation in spherical polar co-ordinates is it? It’s not exactly as tricky as designing algorithms to filter time series in F-K domain. It’s not going to revolutionise vaccination of the masses.
It is a PhD in gob-shitery. Any old arse could write such a dull tract after three years of researching even duller tracts.
It is another of the great lies of this political age that Brown is a genius. The man is an idiot. If he has any spark of genius at all it is entirely directed to ruthless self-promotion. His achievements outside bigging up himself are zero. Zip. Zilch.
His sole notable achievement has been to have comprehensively destroyed the UK economy. And as Dan Hannan said (and I’m para-phrasing), not content with destroying it he seems to be wandering around the rubble with a fucking lump hammer and pounding the pieces to dust.
And that is only possible because 400 Labour MPs were so busy building up their own property portfolio that they took their eye off the lessons of the last property boom and bust.
Incompetent, cowardly criminals. Each and every one of them.
91
*Stands up and Applauds*
I knew a lot of intelligent people whilst I was in the Army, lots of qualifications but all of them to a man had absolutley no common sense at all, not one of them, they could not command there own lives, let alone a platoon.
jgm2 @91. I agree with you about bullshit PhDs. There are too many of them around and let me tell you, more and more are coming out of the UK, thanks to the serious politicisation of many of your university departments run by leftist placemen.
I took my Ph.D in the Netherlands and now lead a major research project for the CDC with a top Ivy league University in the US (among other work I do related to Counter-Terrorism and Piracy). During my Ph.D ‘oddessy’ my supervisory board and I fought some pretty monumental battles, one member was even fired!
During our fieldwork and data gathering, we came under artillery bombardment twice, endured the murder of one of our data gathering assistants and a colleague beaten up at a military checkpoint.
So yes, you are right many Ph.D theses including the McMentalist’s are totally useless – but please don’t write the science ones off! (well, unless NuLabia via “Environmental Science” continue to spread the counter-enlightenment).
With all this boasting about the grog, I’m guessing you’re a closet teetotaler. Own up.
Well, mines in engineering – several points…
It’s based around education for engineering, so my research grants were cut as soon as Labour came to power. The associated research projects were all cut. I continued on regardless paying for the research out of private savings, and building up a mountain in debt which I’m paying off.
My research department was closed when the last PhD’s were finished, mergered with maths.
Not all PhD’s are Mickey Mouse. Some like mine are real! To the point, I did the work, and had to explain to my supervisor what my research was about etc. All my supervisor could do was make sure I kept going, and a guide on writing the final thesis/experimentation.
Advanced Engineering in Britain is practically a joke, if anyone bothered to look, s/he would notice there practically isn’t any. Manufacturing computers is not the same as research and development in robotics/mechatronics/multi-agent systems.
Our education system is a joke, the original project to network the schools together was sold out to a Labour sponsor to provide computers to the schools for huge profits. The schools may have computers but the technology advance is stale!
Someone needs to call “uncle”. How much more indignity can one man endure.
When Rupert turns the Sun on you it is all over.
Good lord. Looks like I need to change bronzer brands so as not to be tainted (orange) by association.
you couldn’t make him up……………
On the contrary, he was clearly made up in a test tube or a witch’s couldron.
Oh Dear God!!
You would think he would go more for more upmarket products given he can claim it all on expenses
Poor Liz @ 14 – Are you suggesting she’s cheap?!
Just orange
No doubt Gordon and Phil Woolas share makeup tips.
Maybe he should get Andy Burnham to help him with the eye-liner and mascara?
The Penguin
That’s why Woolas needs all the tampons
hahaha
There’ll be handbags flying round No 10 this morning when the papers arrive. Mark my words!
You mean Nokias…
Nope – definitely handbags at dawn, as Brown realises he has to say the hardest word – ‘Sorry’, and possibly even mean it!
So what’s his excuse for the orange blob?
target practise
Religious reasons.
He’s a worshipper of the great god (other people’s) Debt!
its like something out of the SF series V – those lizards had less complicated makeup to make them look human. Has anyone ever noticed mental gordon hungrily eyeing guinea pigs?
Would certainly tie in with David Icke’s claim that our rulers are giant reptiles…
i can’t beliv that no one wold tell him that he had a big red thing on his forhead. Doesn’t he have a asistanse tellin him about sush things? I think maybe his asistanse is goin to get the sack no.
Could be the same assistant who told him the infamous expenses Utube viideo was
great?
Or told him it was cool to tuck his trouser legs into his socks?
..and posed with a childish smile (which actually looked non-fake) next to a swastika.
He has someone paid especially to stop these thing happening… gawd knows what he’d be like without her.
Or that stinking of piss was ‘cool’?
Unfortunately the guy is colour blind! :-)
He was aiming for the green-at-the-gills look
Its a toss-up: Gordon’s face or Prescott’s arse.
La Senza underwear? ‘The Bridge’ jewellery roll? Gucci handbag?
Give me f—–g strength. The head of a once-great nation.
Her Maj is head of this once-great nation; not some transient, idiotic incompetent like McBust.
Correct; sorry Brenda.
The livid discolouration on Brown’s forehead is said to have been caused by the banging of his head on the blast-proof walls of his wine-cellar, and the headbutting of underlings that cause him even a moment’s displeasure.
On more than one occasion, when underlings had tried to step back out of range of the halitosis and hoarse flecks of spit, Brown has been seen to seize their ears and smash into their faces with his forehead, an action for which there was no need to apologize since casual brutality can be shown to be a flaw in the New Labour system, rather than the fault of any individual in particular.
A Brief recap of where we are now.
Brown has a cabinet the majority of whom are on the fiddle. No resignations, no sackings, no prosecutions. Brown effectively condones their actions.
Cameron has his own set of fiddlers. No resignations, no sackings, no prosecutions. Cameron spouts noble words, end of. Looks like Brown got one thing right – a do-nothing tory camp.
Clegg has yet to present his views. Has he got the moral fibre to act ‘in the public interest’? Will he show leadership where the other two have bottled it? Interesting times.
I agree.
Labour want to create a new private expenses function. Make it outside the freedom of information act and then its back to the trough. That will fix the nasty general public for saying unkind things.
Conservative: We know this is not quite right and think this maybe bad for the publics perception of politicians.
No sh*t Sherlock. The tory answer is akin to someone standing in Hiroshima in August 1945, pointing at the B29 and saying “That looks like it may cause a little disturbance”.
I am not looking for some modern day rerun of the Monty Python “Four Yorkshiremen” sketch. The politicians do not have to bid against each other to see who can be toughest on expenses and the causes of expenses.
What they have to do is acknowledge the error of what has happened, create a new regime that mirrors the public experience and provide a timetable for implementation that has weeks as the longest time measurement.
If Lord Carey can understand the problem, how much harder can it be for MPs?
I want the theives to go to jail and all the public money to be recovered. Those left standing can then ask my permission to have an expenses scheme, on the basis that they will not be conspriing in corruption with each other. I will then see if it suits my needs as a taxpayer.
Interesting times? I am getting bored with all this. Where were the suicides? The resignations? The cell doors being slammed shut?
I have known these people were corrupt for years. Its just business as usual.
Yeah, but Labour own the police force – with their political assignations of the top staff. BBC wouldn’t dare say a word against the ruling political class after the Hutton Report – and Dr Kelly proves a point about what happens if you misbehave, it’s a bit more than a spank on the bottom.
The message has been given and understood. Any real opposition has been deliberately muted.
Gordon’s cabinet is more like a set from the Rocky Horror Show.
There’s a light
Over at the Downing Street place….
Gordon’s cabinet was assembled from an MFI flat-pack.
Being shop stewards rather than skilled workers, they forgot to tighten the screws so its all collapsing in a heap.
Have pity guys, on me that is, not Coco the Clown, any one noticed how Clown rythmes with Brown.
This is the best laugh ive had in days.
I measure the wit and wisdom in cups of coffee decorating the screen!
This morning too many to count!
They do say laughter is the best medecine! ( Not too clever on the keyboard or monitor though!)
Is this a late April Fool joke ?
Are we paying for it!?!?!?
Hardly money well spent though.
Any money spent making him look even more like a complete cnut is good in my book!
A paper bag with a face on it would’ve been better value.
Having once worked in the public services had I been as creative as this load of shits with my expenses claims I would a) Been suspended from work. b) had plod feeling my collar. c) HMRC crawling all over me. I should have been an M.P.!!!!
If you didn’t take advantage, you weren’t really trying.
Seems to me you don’t have the aptitude to be a MP – you aren’t a troughing hoon
Is there a guide book.
There must be – they’re all repeating similiar tactics – which means that there’s a means for common and accumulated knowledge.
Wait – a gov. minister will leave the book on how to obtain public money on a train sometime!
I always thought Brown was a Clown – now this proves it – he carries his stage make-up around with him. No doubt the Clown’s Outfit will also be found to be left on a train in due course along with his briefing sheet “One Hundred ways to Smile without looking a complete wierd/ perv !”
Someone from the tabloids should leave a unicycle outside Number 10.
In light of his bag’s contents, perhaps a menstrual cycle would be more appropriate?
That made oi larf!
one minute its the nazi flag – now its the rising sun.
Brown still looks as though he has been dug up, so without the makeup think what he must really be like!
Mmmm…clammy skin.
You’ve got to hand it to Joanna Lumley. She’s had face to face meetings with both Gordon and Phil Woolas and she’s not made one comment about the state of their makeup.
I’ve been too busy throwing-up.
Was that your “cookies” at the appauling aptitude of the pair.
Joanna for PM! At least she looks good in make-up and a skirt, and I suspect she wont put tampons on her expense claims!
Gordon Brown should go to the countyry, say the ‘great and the good’
Not before time, says everyone
You couldn’t make it up.
HAHAHAHA !!! The man who claims that he is ’substance’ not ’style’…Yeah, we can all see now what substance you’re talking about !!!
I trust you claimed for the make-up on expenses, Gordon ??
This puts a whole new meaning on ‘ You could n’t make it up’..Hahahaha
YOU MAKE UP !!!!
I’ve been in this business 25 years love….
So we now know why Gordon gets up early. To put his slap on.
Can I slap him?
Please, please…. this is just too good an offer!
It’s been 55 years for me ducky, and I’ve got a prolapsed rectal cavity to prove it.
Perhaps the manufacturers of all those creams should tighten up their marketing and distribution policies. This way their sales will move the same direction as Brown’s credibility, or the UK’s economy for that matter.
Could we have a COMPETITION – who can give Brown the best make over.
Go to google search for Online makeover – upload a photo of Gordon and send the results to Guido.
Does Gordon take his make-up bag on holiday to Cape Cod with him?
Cassius catches Phil Woolas latest Gaffe on expenses and is outraged:-
http://cassiuswrites.blogspot.com/2009/05/woolas-gaffe-betrays-chippy-labour.html
Woolas says “sorry if I’ve caused any embarassment”. Once again a spinnning non-apology from a lightwight no-hoper. Why not just say “sorry for the embarassment I have caused”?, if that is what you actually mean.
Brown looks ill and tired,say the papers. When will C Richard offer him a Barbados holiday package to recuperate? Or will he go to Cape Cod (remember, “it” started in America).
They are physically incapable of uttering the word ’sorry’ and they certainly don’t do embarassment in any shape or form.
very good article Cassius.
Fellow bloggers, sometimes it’s fun and sometimes it’s a great stress-relief to read or write the audacious, witty or plain insulting but if you prefer, as many of us sometimes do, more clinical, emotion-free prose that assassinates in a civil, logical and accurate style then I highly recommend Cassius.
Apologies, Cassius, if you feel I have misrepresented you.
Let’s question our consciences. Do we think we’re being just a bit cruel to Gordon. As a grandma, I know what it’s like to be told I’ve got lipstick on my dentures!
P.S. lipstick didn’t get a mention in the instruction manual. Why not? It’s a great morale booster and Gordon certainly needs that!
Gordon Brown has handed out plenty of cruelty during his time in government, take a good look at what he has done to our country. No amount of “makeup” cound conceal the damage that he has inflicted on Britain.
Can’t argue with your reply Lizzie, but I was trying to be a compassionate Tory. Perhaps I went too far – I stand corrected.
Sorry! Reelly reelly sorry! Reelly reelly reelly sorry! Is that enough for you. Gotta split now – my taxi’s waiting for my weekly John Lewis jaunt.
Oh God – here we go – Brown speaking to the RCN regurgitating the tale of his accident at 16. Suitably made up – looks lightly tanned, quiff in place. Has been having lessons on delivering a speech – 3 steps to the right, stop, regulatory hand movements, 3 steps to the left, stop, regulatory hand movements and repeat.
He’s still a complete TWAT !
you insult me, sir.
Didn’t Take That have the same routine?
What about the Shadows?
If there are any mental health nurses in the audience, with any luck they will have sent for the men in white coats to be waiting by the exit
1. Brown is a twat.
2. I want to see the back of him and his vile cronies — but
3. I think the makeup is for TV appearances and have seen no evidence that he wears it all the time.
Not that he deserves fairness, but there it is.
* Cringes in corner awaiting flame-attack *
You are right, all senior politicans wear make-up for the camera. Guess this has been the case ever since Nixon lost the debate with Kennedy because he looked like shit.
However, this is all about the new national sport of kicking Brown while he’s down.
And I’m loving every minute of it, because he truly deserves it.
“Serious people doing serious jobs in serious times”…….and a little smear of lippy
And Woolas.
Smears all round.
I thought it was Mandelson who left smears all round!!
The only “makeover” that is needed is a General Election, no amount of help from “Trinny and Suzanne” will help here.
Did he not once answer a question on record to say that he spent no money at all on any form of cosmetics/make up? Worth a check, Guido?
Technically correct though – we pay for it, not him.
Technically correct – we pay for it, he doesn’t pay a thing.
Dear Sirs
I am a bit confused, Ms Harman keeps repeating the necessity to stick to the rules. Should I be paying all my employees “minimum wage”? these appear to be the “rules”
===========
There are three levels of minimum wage, and the rates from 1 October 2008 are:
£5.73 per hour for workers aged 22 years and older
A development rate of £4.77 per hour for workers aged 18-21 inclusive
£3.53 per hour for all workers under the age of 18, who are no longer of compulsory school age
He’s just informed the nurses conference that “mistakes were made”.
Better deal with them under the Mistakes Act 2006 then – the Blagging Act of 1968 having been repealed.
Slap happy Hoon.
That’s what Crippen said !
“M…m….m….m….m….m…m…Mr Speaker – I will take NO make-up advice from the benches opposite ! I am working tirelessly on my eye-liner – it is the RIGHT thing to do !”
I get lipstick on me when ever Gordon uses me. Ouch!!!!
What’s all the fuss about,Clowns have always worn funny face make up.
“Mirror,Mirror on the wall,who’s the fairest of them all”
“Not you,you deformed,one-eyed twat”
Harsh but fair.
The Penguin
These fucking mirrors can be brutal.
Mirror Mirror on the rack who is the fairest of them all?
You are oh wicked witch
Mirror Mirror on the rack who is the fairest of them all?
You are oh wicked witch
Funny Cherie The Sun seems to think that it is Keeley Hazell
Broon the hoon was just on Sky News addressing the nurses in Harrogate. He actually apologised for what had happened, said that people standing for office should be in it to serve the public and not serve themselves.
BUT no “S” word and he’s 12 hours behind DC when the Telegraph were 3 days in front with his own party’s hooning.
The Fire Brigades Union conference starts Tuesday in Scarborough. Besides gunning for Fat Jacqui-the-thief, as Home Secretary, any member of Parliament is likely to be “disrespected”.
LABOUR’S ARROGANCE KNOWS NO BOUNDS:
“You’re blameless, Labour tells MPs as poll shows damage done
Party sends email to members exonerating them in expenses scandal
By Andrew Grice
Monday, 11 May 2009
Labour MPs have been told by their own party officials that they have done nothing wrong over expenses despite the growing controversy surrounding their claims………”
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/youre-blameless-labour-tells-mps-as-poll-shows-damage-done-1682647.html
There you have it. Screwing the taxpayer is part of Labour party policy. It’s official
Opinion poll over the weekend had Labour on 23%. Their lowest ratings since opinion polls began.
What I want to know is whao are these 23%. That’s still one in four (ish). I could understand if it was one in ten because one in ten people are probably functional imbeciles.
One further point though. That 23% poll was conducted before the expense gouging news became widely circulated.
Now I don’t partiularly want David Cameron as PM but compared to Gordon Brown I would accept Harold Shipman as PM. What I want is for Labour to be rewarded with third place in the GE. I want the Guardian and The Mirror to turn on them and advise theri readers to vote Lib Dem. I want the vicious traitors who, through a combination of self-serving idiocy and cowardice allowed such a fucking financial abomination to destroy our economy to disappear into the fucking history books.
Let Gordon Brown’s epitaph be not that he was the most incompetent chancellor and PM in UK history nor that he had a PhD in Labour History but he was the fucking architect of making Labour into history.
That’ll be what it will take to cheer me up having lived through over a decade of the Labour terror.
The 23% are the people employed by the government since 1997 who have figured out they need greedy, rapacious, short-sighted twats of the highest order in power in order to keep their pay cheques.
By the way, I saw a report that says average wages declined approx. 5.7%. The make up was : private sector down 7%ish, the public sector UP 3%ish. Doubtless the private sector will have to pay higher taxes to fund higher public sector wages. O, and cover their public sector, unfunded, pension schemes.
I’m telling my kids to emigrate. We are royally f****d.
@187 Chris M
These are the type of people who joined the Soviet Communist Party in the 20s and 30s.
These are the type of people who joined the Nazi party after 1933.
Every corrupt and incompetent regime has these types of hangers on – and aside from the deluded genetically Labour-supporting old-style working class types – are all that Labour has left to support them. They think they are being clever by supporting a clique that they perceive will look after their personal interests, while protesting that they are serving society.
They ought to learn some history – it’s never a happy ending for these types.
Could it just be that 23% are actually functional imbeciles, looks that way to me.
Cameron must be relieved this morning. He has a couple of bad apples but their fiddles are miniscule compared to the mountains of sleaze, greed, and outright thieving that Labour cabinet ministers have been upto.
“The mystery of how Gordon ended up with a big orange blob on his forehead is solved…”
And here’s me thinking it’s because he’s mental.
Gave me a laugh, but once again more than the make over information was left unattended
It contained discussions on how to handle the expenses scandal — and a schedule for Mr Brown’s trip, marked Confidential.
Times of departure, the cars the PM and Home Secretary Jacqui Smith were in and their train times were detailed. It could have been put to deadly use if it fell into the hands of terrorists before the journey.
Will the “junior member” of staff face full censure?
Could it be that Brown himself is a ’systemic error?’
Is Gordon Brown the reincarnation of Frankie Howard?
http://www.bbc.co.uk/somerset/content/images/2007/07/27/howerd_470×350.jpg
Almost certainly…
http://tiny.cc/AQRk7
Twitter ye not on the questionable practises of the MPs expenses
Ere what’s all this about makeup, in days gone by you would have been considered to be a homosexual using blusher and other such make up, how times have changed, Quintan Crisp seems to have been born 60/70 years too early.
I sense you’re after my cock.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/8043447.stm
BBC is now saying “Brown sorry” for expenses system, has DC finally forced the agenda?
No wonder we get shit politicians with people like you around.
So the BBC says he’s sorry, but nobody actually heard him say it?
Classic.
The bbc said he didn’t say it.
He never said “Sorry” – He said that MPs of all parties should apologise for the system and work to reform it quickly (paraphrased)
and only after Cameron gave him a public spanking and made him look like a hard assed twit.
Talk about a man of no credibility, its a sorry day for the Govt when the opposition is the one dictating everything.
“The mystery of how Gordon ended up with a big orange blob on his forehead is solved…”
And here’s me thinking it’’s because he’s mental.
I thought Gordon WAS a powder puff?
So now I understand all the frotting over Foundation schools and hospitals from the party that will be relegated to 3rd place shortly!
Labour are simply the worse administration ever. If you want to see how a government can turn “old wives tales” into policy and affect your lives, such as banning smokers (not people smoking) from being on hospital premises (not inside) then click here for more details.
It’s sickening…
So has Cameron hidden all his tax free goodies – simple really – as interest rates fall increase the size of your mortgage and then spend the additional funds on goodies – plenty to spare for the odd wreath here and there
Gordon is a fancy man and in his rightful place,
Feeding at the commons trough to him is no disgrace,
To make a change from other swine made up in No7,
Raping the tax allowance scheme to him is simply heaven.
BLUSHES AT THE PIE SHOP
Willy enters the Pie Shop and hears the sound of the Pie Slicing Machine being hurled to the floor. An agitated McB storms into the front shop.
McBroon: ” We’re doomed, we’re doomed..”
Willy: ” We’re doomed………new sound-bite McB?
McBroon: ” Shut it…”
Willy: ” Calm doon big man…….that’s nae way to treat the pie slicer…”
McBroon: ” Look you daft wee bugger……remember the placky bags with the pies for Prezza…”
Willy: ” Aye I do……..they wus next to the placky bag with your plans for being elected Chairman of the Traders…”
McBroon: ” I’ve just been over at Big Jackies Donner Shop….says that Prezzas well pissed off…”
Willy: ” Aye so I hear…….the lasses doon the WI are saying his missus disn’ae like the Tudor make-over…”
McBroon: ” Cut the Tudor crap…….you didn’ae give him the placky with the pies…. you gave him the placky with….”
Willy: ” Oh shite McB……….I must have given him the placky with your election strategy…”
McBroon: ” Worse than that……my Jessies make up was in the placky…..I’m gonnae be the laughing stock of the High Street…”
Willy: ” Take it easy McB…….everyone knows you don’t wear lippy and all that girly stuff…”
McBroon: ” The whole toon knows Prezza is a flash bastard with his posh motors, fancy bog seats and Tudor styling……..but what if they think I’m….”
Willy: ” A big Jessie….”
McBroon: ” Watch yer tongue laddie…..we’ve got to switch the placky bags before Prezza sits doon for his tea…….otherwise…………I’ll never get elected…”
The ST speculates that Lord Fumblebum of Boy will be moved the FO, The Testicular One to Chancellor and Badger Bollox to…..sorry, can’t recall, I was so overcome with emotion at the thought of all this. Anyway, bring it on McBust and we can then guarantee the final and humiliating demise of this pathetic and grubby little government.
The Bollox’s have yet to have their denouement in the DT.
Can anyone explain in the times of economic turbulence can a boy like Milliband handle a treasury. Total arse.
The simple answer is that he is a homonculous
made from spit, semen and toesnails in an alchemists test tube somewhere near Fife.
One positive thing for McMental, next year he will be out of work for a while but when the pantomime season starts he will be quids in
So that picture you used put up when you did the, “Brown is Bonkers” meme; was that when he hadn’t quite got the hang of it?
Our Prime Mentalist demonstrates that when it comes to maquillage, his tastes are more refined that those of his predecessor. Blair, on an overseas trip some years ago, was careless enough to leave his make-up behind. The make? Boots No 7 powder foundation. It is not clear whether any claim for expenses was made.
ooo Twitter ye not
The headline banner on the BBC website says, “Brown apology over MPs’ expenses,” but when you read the whole piece the word “sorry” appears only in the context of Cameron saying that all implicated MP’s should say sorry, and that is somewhere around the middle. Brown just parrots his version of an apology, which is…..”mistakes were made.”
They really are shower of shite. (no Mark Oaten jokes before the 9pm watershed please.)
its so funny, watching Cameron dictate Brown’s agenda. Totally asswhipped.
Funny, but awful. Brown is our PM – his incompetence and slipperiness actually reflects on us all eventually.
Incidentally, I still can’t belive that Uddin is in her job. May be she has some red-hot info on Brown or Mandy that keeps her position safe? Having said that I still can’t believe that Smith is in her job either. I suppose Brown would feel som embarrassment at sacking them, because they would just look back at him and ask him how much he paid he brother to clean his flat and how did he manage to produce such complex paperwork to set our what he claimed was really happening. Talking of which, has anyone found the “cleaner” yet and done the interview that would shed some light on the PM’s arrangments? One for for you Guido?
on me ‘ed son
You ‘ed Balls?
Wondered what had happened to the slimey sh*te recently.
So he gets to what treble trough?
It’s like Harold Shipman in a cocktail dress going round offering bereaved relatives worn platitudes, a chorus of ‘I am what I am’ and 2 Paracetomol.
McBroon’s a slapper!
Oh good, I want to slap him, and Margaret Moran. … not sure which one more!
But there again – is one slap each enough?
Silly Sun.
I am a Power Puff!
Seems like a nice boy…
The lunatic really has taken over the Labour asylum.
If he would just stick an additional thick white ring somewhere in the middle of that orange blob it would make a damn fine target for any aspiring assassin LOL!
Has there ever been a more deluded and abused Prime Minister? It’s a crying shame Spitting Image isn’t on tv every Sunday.
l think it’s the real Broon coming through …..he’s a Klingon
So wipe him Jim!
So … wipe him off Jim!
Idiocy like this is reducing Britain to a global laughing stock. No wonder other global leaders are disrespectful. One can hardly blame them.
I don’t blame anyone from howling with laughter. MPs have made the ‘mother of parliamens’ into the mother of all pigstys.
Gordon, you quim-slit – at the risk of appearing to lack good grace, I do NOT accept your apology of an apology as being in any way pertinent, adequate, genuine, heartfelt, personally sincere or spontaneous.
In fact, it is yet another piece of deliberate spin, sculpted by political expediency during a meeting with your henchmen-advisors and spluttered into the public realm by your state propaganda broadcasting outlet. You egregious old screw-up, don’t you realise that your moment to step down just arrived?
“The mystery of how Gordon ended up with a big orange blob on his forehead”
You mean it wasn’t the Reverend Ian Paisley’s cum?
Hold up! Do I understand that Clinique gives this chap a “super balanced makeup”?
If so, it plainly doesn’t work, as he’s obviously unbalanced and un-made-up except as a liar and disgrace to us all.
It seems like Gordon is more interested in No7 rather than No10!
“There are some things you can’t cover up with lipstick and powder . . .”