Friday Caption Competition
Andrew Lansley Has Been Shot | Dan Hodges
Another Gay Gaffe From Ken | Standard
Pensioners Paying Price for Funny Money | Telegraph
Ken Penis Gaffe | Metro
Hague Photo Mystery | Guardian
The Iranian Model is Hitler | Lawrence J. Haas
No.10′s Andrew Cooper Should Look at this Poll | Douglas Carswell
Livingstone Has Form on Homophobia | ConservativeHome
Investors HBack Over RBS Meddling | CityAM
Riddled With It | Pink News
I Went Mad in the Seventies | Ken
Guy Newsroom Splits | Indy
Polly’s Voodoo Polling | UK Polling Report
Labour SpAd Backs the Bill | Mark Wallace
Guido Goes for the Lobby | Press Gazette
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Max Clifford says…
“Most people want to read nasty things about people, not nice things.”
DisgustedOfMitcham2 says:
Maybe if they really wanted to “decontaminate the Labour brand” with business people, they shouldn’t have totally buggered up the economy?
Just a thought.
First
The first contestant on
Ready Steady Puke
He hasn’t spent his second home allowance very wisely has he. John Lewis can do much better than that.
Balls whips up Gordon’s brain after upgrading with new dance and smile fixes.
Unfortunately Yvette wanted a taste before Ed could reinsert.
HAHAHAH
Brilliant Mr Idle.
OT – I’m speculating on the Euro vote next month and the rise of British nationalism.
http://plato-says.blogspot.com
Do let me know your thoughts as I’ll be betting on them!
he has lost his FSA registration since the sub-prime mortgage firm he headed Prestbury Investment Management (PIM) has ceased trading after HM Revenue & Customs submitted a winding up petition to the High Court.
Caption:
Me thinks “Get Gordon’s head in the chip pan, then I’ll be Boss”
Nasty kitchen disease spread by arsehole to arsehole contact.
Why has Gordon Ramsbrown had his head sharpened?
he has lost his FSA registration since the sub-prime mortgage firm he headed Prestbury Investment Management (PIM) has ceased trading after HM Revenue & Customs submitted a winding up petition to the High Court.
The contestant from Perverts’R'Us felt he was onto a winning streak.
Plonker. This isn’t PB
Caption:
“Soon to be out of a job? Worry no more, our new re-education programme aims to help those recently unemployed back into work. Our team of experts are able to determine the ideal career path for you. get Real Help Now”
Oh leeve him alone! Eds a rael darlign! and hes FIT!!
Ed Balls ‘fit’? Jesus, I’d rather sleep with a fucking pig – oh wait a second ….
“It started when I first posted “First” on a Blog – wibble, wibble”
MACDONALD’S SCRAPES THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL
MMM, giving wife scrambled eggs. It appears spazzy kids is essential to be a party leader.
Beat that Dolly!!!
Not strictly relevant, but over at the Telegraph B. Brogan has just quoted a cabinet minister saying of the atmosphere in No.10 that ‘Its just like a gay gang rape’. Is this the first time that Gridiron’s alleged….ahem…proclivities have been aired by a MSM commentator?
Do you think this is the source of the long running Brown/Mandelson feud? Gordi made a pass way back when and Mandy turned him down? Gordi goes into an 11 year sulk?
Belle in Las Vegas says:
May 1, 2009 at 1:40 pm
Gretawire/foxnews.com
If you ever do interview Obama for a “serious talk”….could you ask him why he received a Fulbright Foundation Scholarship that is ONLY given to foreign nationals? Could you ask him whether he used a US Passport or and Indonesian passport to travel to Pakistan in 1981? Could you ask him why he is spending over $1 Million dollars of his campaign funds to block all access to his birth certificate; Occidental College records, and records of Coloumbia University? Could you ask him why he did not list his other names on his application for a law license? Could you ask him why, after finding out about the condition of the Rezko buildings in his State Senate District in 1997, why he chose to urge the City of Chicago to support yet another Rezko/Davis building to the tune of 1.4 Million dollars?
Could you ask him why the CAC minutes were barred from reporters? Could you ask him why he released the Restrictive Covenant on his House in Chicago, so Rezko’s strip of land would increase in value, and decrease the value of his house? (Just a few serious questions for a serious talk)
Maybe Guido can find out
He’s the president, get over it. Put your tin foil hat away, the US did land on the moon, a plane did hit the pentagon on 9/11.
Are these serious questions or just stupid smears?
Balls Second Job Shock
Ed Balls – Recipe for Disaster
“Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard…”
What we have in reality is the biggest attempted hype from the tory stink tank since their last failed attempt…………Its insulting and offensive frankly to have these characters bobbing up as self appointed gurus creating as much negativity as possible against a very good PM….working hard to combat a WORLDWIDE RECESSION…………..We certainly dont need tory peddlers of gloom ASSUMING whats best for the Labour Party…………We are ENTIRELY CAPABLE of handling that ourselves……………..tory propogandists are the last people we need advice from
@ 420 I dub thee Hoon Muppet
Let’s get it right, big twat: CAMERON IS NOT A TORY.
Got that?
CAMERON IS A ‘CONSERVATIVE’ (Remember Heath…? Conserve nothing, ‘modernise’ everything)
It’s all about ‘managing decline’, ‘withdrawal, with battle-honours intact’ (Remember Dunkirk?)
‘a very good PM…, working hard to combat a WORLDWIDE RECESSION…’
So, he didn’t abolish boom and bust, he didn’t “save the world”… ? But YOU KNOW BEST, you, who can’t even spell! (“propogandists”?, “whats”?, “dont” “Its”?) and who, presumably, regard full-stops as ‘Elitist’ (“tory propogandists are the last people we need advice from “).
If he’s “a very good PM…”, I’m The Mekon of Mekonta.
Incidentally, have you ever thought of employing hyphens (‘Yes, but Estonians are cheaper.’) – as in stink-tank, self-appointed, peddlers-of-gloom (pedlars?)
#420 – which Pride are you then troll?
Which begs the question.
Why do even Conservatives now call themselves Tories?
I am a conservative, but I am not a Tory. Mainly because I have no concept of what a Tory is. There is no such thing as Toryism, or a Tory Party. There is however, such a thing as conservatism and a Conservative Party. Even Iain Dale calls his party ‘The Tories.’
Perhaps one day, with much luck and patience, the people who run the Conservative Party may finally gain a clue as to what conservatism is actually all about. It will of course be far to late to do anything about anything by them, but better late then never.
conservative, tory. Whatever we are let’s get together and host beautiful music
“You can beat an egg, but you can’t beat a WANK!!”
Caption Contest
Which hat should I wear today ??
MEAT BALLS AND DEBT ANYONE?
snot supreme gordon?
You can beat an egg but you can’t beat a good wank!
Balls caught beating off.
Nice one.
I will now prove you can polish a turd…
Nice joke; the mental image however if fucking horrendous.
Anyway it’s a whisk not a set of tweezers!
(sniggers)
titters..
Omg – ive just thrown up on my keyboard…..
tweeters…
Him or his missus
“I’m a Huhne.”
do you put ‘first’ on blogs as well then?
Concern remains high about the whereabouts of Derek ‘Dolly’ Draper.
hes had a wash so we might not regonize him anymore ?
Are Balls and Draper in fact the same person? (person in the loosest possible sense)
Speaking of Dolly – anyone got any news on the emergency meeting of BACP?
It’s all in the wrist action….
Clockwise or anti-clockwise ?
Left-wrist or right-wrist? (Or Mrs Balls’ wrist?!)
Balls prepares for new TV appearance in Hells Kitchen
Unwisely Gordon had taught Ed Balls how to make his very favourite deep-fried Mars bar recipe.
IM THE DADDY ROUND ‘ERE!
“mmmmmmmm now, what was it? Oh yes… take one pinch of vitriol, three freshly cooked up slurs… a smidgeon of smear and serve to a gullable public with a garnish of ‘wasn’t me, guv’”
Don’t forget another garnish of “Who Cares”!!
And just a dash of “So what” for good measure
And a big dollop of “So What”!!!
Must NOT suck chip pan handle…..
“Reality TV – Porridge Returns to BBC”
(pucking lying koont sent to jail for persistent bullchitting, expense fraud and being married to a MILF who wont shut-the-fuck-up)
MILF. You should have gone to Specsavers!
Yvette Cooper – I would!
So would I, but then I have very low standards.
I would. But only to teach her some respect.
No caption but that is the creepiest picture I have seen for a very long time.
I spy a serial killer
More of an egg beater than a cereal killer…
That would put the tin lid on the week, wouldn’t it?
They found some more bodies Gordon.
Och hoots, nae mair o’ yon xpenses. Why cannae folks be mair canny wi’ there bawbees?
No, these are in Ed’s drains. The Dynorod man fished them out this morning.
But, 45iq is a hoon, I bet he could murder some cornflakes,
I agree, I can’t quite work out if its Ed looking towards the camera or a zombie effect with his looking straight ahead. Either way its a very sinister photo.
Balls gets into training for the 2012 Wankspanner Olympics
Following 2010 election, new kitchen porter hopes that one day he’ll get 5 stars
Following 2010 election Ed in stir doing a stint in the kitchens as a change from “stitching up mail bags”!!!
New apprentice scheme for unemployable politicians has first taker.
Hash Browns balls-up
Look I’ve had my right hemisphere replaced with a microwave!
“Fancy an endogenous tart”?
Eggstatic Balls celebrates new rules on troughing
One of his unemployed constituents told him to eat shit or die, he took it rather too literally.
Balls is first to enrol at the McDonalds Academy.
Nu Labour face yet another scandal after Ed Balls informs Nigella Lawson that he can smell her Hoon.
What a repulsive little creature he is.
Brain-dead politician misunderstands Brown’s order to ‘cook the books’.
Hubble, bubble toil and trouble!
“Hubble, bubble, toil and trouble…”
Just smear this on and Cameron is toast.
Shit, anon!!
Sorry about that.
Balls stirs faggots.
Coo-eee
“Gordon, I don’t minding feeding you, but you need to fart to give me a clue”
Preparing for his next job at McDonalds.
Hoon Balls preparing the muck to smear another Labour MP who has had the temerity to question McDoom’s policies.
“I used to be a high-flying politician. I coulda been the Prime Minister. I coulda been but all I do now is wash dishes and cook scrambled eggs in an old people’s home. I coulda been a contender – yeh, me Prime Minister. That nasty Guido started the rot. We wuz all happy ’til he found out about what we really did.
OK OK, scrambled eggs on the way. Five minutes.”
It’s Brown, it’s not very appetising but they’re having it anyway……
Huhne.
Ed Balls demonstrates how Labour prepared that National Shit Sandwich
balls’ finally gives a stirring performance.
Professional shit-stirrer at work.
Ed shows how much he enjoyed Two Girls One Cup.
When Spliffy said that I could have a play with her batter, I thought she meant that she meant her minge!
Priceless!
Balls stirs up more trouble for Brown!
‘They’re coming to take me away, ha, ha.’
to many meants in there….
I’m a c.unnt
That makes two of us.
Tampered food used in smear campaign.
I meant Brown not Ramsey.
Since Balls bears a passing resemblance to Kenneth Branagh, the thesp who plays Scandinavian types, I go for
and that it us befitted
To bear our hearts in grief and our whole kingdom
To be contracted in one brow of woe..
How weary, stale, flat and unprofitable,
Seem to me all the uses of this world!
Fie on’t! ah fie! ’tis an unweeded garden,
That grows to seed; things rank and gross in nature
Possess it merely. That it should come to this!
http://wrinkledweasel.blogspot.com/2009/05/liminality-nexus-is-in-flux.html
Yes, – and I stir shit too!
Fuck off, its the only job I could get…..
Mr Balls easy recipes from the Sweeny Todd Cook Book
Shitcakes all round.
Now we know who has been leaking the stories about Heston and Ramsay to the media…
*claps*
Ramsay McDonald works at Heston Services on the M4? Wow.
“Do you want fries with that?”
In promoting government’s skills transfer scheme, Balls demonstrates how talents acquired in Downing Street office can be used in Downing Street kitchen.
ecstasy has been crap for number of years.
i’ll let someone else explain
Do you think that if I look stupid enough I’ll make it onto Guido’s blog? Here’s hoping.
“OK- I admit it. I bribed the screws to get a job in the kitchens”.
Not the game but alarming thought.
The President of Mexico recently came ot the UK on a state visit. He met Brown. Did he get infected with Pig disease and go back to infect his whole country?
It started when Brown tried to emulate George Bush by kissing a pig.
Marxist/Nazi pocket liner finds new job at last but it’s in the public sector!
Fat kid refuses to let anybody else lick the spoon at the Sunshine Care Home for washed up Labour politicians.
He looks like a raving loony. Incidentally who uses that microwave? I can’t be his wife she’d never reach
Balls squats over the glass top coffee table…Mandy & Spliffy await open mouthed!!!
Nice.
And Ian “bowling from the pavillion end” Grey!
“I did’nt think I was going to be the first person on this f……….. Government Training Course”
Good one
Balls cooks the books
I stir shit for a living: SO WHAT!!!
G. Ramsay (Off Camera):” Stand up to whip it you f*****g numpty..”.
Balls:” Sorry Gordon…..”
G.Ramsay: ” Forget the other Gordon. It’s “Yes Chef” to you….”
Nice!
As the cafe runs out of oil for the deep fryer; the day is saved as Ed spots Dolly shuffle through the door…
Cooking with Balls … just a snifter of the white stuff, a large dollop of the brown stuff and a much practiced wrist-action
Hello Gordon – I want to play a game.
Yorkshire pudding whips up a treat.
Westminster catering cuts go too far. “no it’s not cat” says Balls.
Would you like a cookie little boy
You open the Chianti while I finish preparing these fava beans…
George Osbourne’s new butler plots his revenge…
Ex public school boy, fresh from lecturing proles on benefits of 5-a-day healthy eating, accidentally reveals that his own kitchen consists of a deep fat fryer and a microwave.
Ed stir fries his balls for the Gurkhas – ancient remedy for hypocritical Cnuts
Little Chef have offered me a job…starting 4th June 2010
Why are you looking at me like that?
Stir, smear and paste, it’s what we do …
“I am such a worthless cock”
Yeah, go on, laugh. It could be worse, Gordon Brown and Jacqui Smith have a dog on a string and are selling the Big Issue.
Poor dog
You took the words out of my mouth cheche! Message from the dog – ‘phone the RSPCA & get me rescued – please – please. I can’t stand either of these fat lazy Huhnes & they eat all the food & refuse to give me any.’
A leadership challenge is a dish best served cold…
( off camera )
Mandy – “Ed darling, when you’ve finished mixing that guacamole – I’m ready for my ‘back, crack and sack”
Ed thinks – ‘Oh well, at least I’ve found a job, unlike Alistair’
I’m sure this egg is going to end up on my face
Balls beats the batter all over the place with spoon in hand.
I am going to call this budget meal “a cook and Balls story”.
9/10
Champagne socialist having sold out the country for the sake of the Muslim vote now working in Chuen Cheng Hoons Chinese takeaway to see if he cant do the same again.
With one eye on the top job, Balls opts for food poisoning as Brown’s exit strategy.
It’s mines, mine, all mines I tells yer, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha !!!!!!!!!!!
So that’s a pound of snot, half a pint of piss, and a handful of bogies to taste, and the Prime Minister’s lunch is ready. Such a shame President Obama said he couldn’t make it for some reason.
I’ll sit here and guard the deep fat frier until Watson has gone.
“So this isn’t what Mandy meant when he said I should be mixing it more”
Gordon Brown has a new chef. I’d suggest Brown gets a food taster in then. Dolly Draper is free I hear.
Here at the ‘Blair Halfway House’ for the bitter, deluded and jibbering insane we believe that keeping the inmates busy is the best therapy and keeps their thoughts from what might have been, this chap is off to finger painting class later with Alistair and Jacqui.
( just don’t go in the loft, we keep the untreatable one there chained up to his favourite rocking horse )
‘Would you like lies with that’?
Nice.
Regards.
Former politician leads star role in new ad for for “training for work while on job seekers allowance”. When asked by journalists what he thought of Ken Livingstone as the new PM he replied “I feel lucky not to have been convicted with Gordon, Harriet, Jaqui and the others for fraud and gross indecency, my life is back on track and I am happy to finally lookin to do a meaningful days work”!
It’s actually taken from a July 2010 newspaper article, which has been brought back to the present time by a time traveller, and it reads:
”
Following his own Portillo Moment and subsequent unemployment, Ed Balls’ place on the government apprenticeship programme is in question when his new Boss, Gordon Ramsay, sees that his new employee has spat in Lord Portillo’s scrambed egg mixture. Ramsay told our reporter: “Balls is a useless fucking wankstain on the arse of a stinking heap of festering shit. ”
“
perfect
This is how I cook up all my opinions
Ed Balls practices for multi-task limbo dancing championships.
“Keep Beating, Balls!! You know Mr McBride likes a smooth consistency so that he can smear it on the hob nobs”
Derek Draper once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti…….
This is the best one
Damn Anonymous, I thought of something like this but you beat me to it, all ends up.
Oh well. If you snooze, you lose!
Mmmmm. Sweetbreads!
There once was a Hoon called Balls,
Who decided to eat his smalls,
He battered and shred them,
And made them no use
Much like he’s done with the schools.
Titter titter.
“Mr Beans toast anyone”
these chilli bites should really finish of that twat Br-hoon
“Wok the fuck?”
Learning how to make cornflakes sloppy. Lesson 27
Sticky fingers a familiar problem in this job.
“And finally, we have 2 ex-Dominoes employees to add in Gordons favourite ingredient”.
I worked with Gordon Brown, and look what happened to me…
Mongo want beans!
Fuck off. Somone has to do it
Has he put cross-hairs on me yet?
Anyone know whether its clockwise or anti-clockwise?
A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.
“I tried, god knows how I tried… But I could never get the ordering thing right. ‘With that, you wan’t some…’ No, No, No! I still can’t get it right! So they now have me mixing salads. Gordon’s working here, too. He makes the burgers. I wish I could break him of that habit of picking his nose and wiping it on the buns, though.”
……..and we take the tissue that we prepared earlier with the snot and swine flu, add a touch of bull shit and with my no touch technique we finally serve with my special icey stare……….. viola…. a No 10 sandwich.
Publishing and conference group Informa has become the first company to react to tax changes announced in the budget by moving its tax domicile out of the UK to Switzerland to escape “double taxation”.
The decision deals a fresh blow to Alistair Darling, who has come under fire for increasing the top rate of income tax to 50%, sparking concerns that there would be an exodus of entrepreneurs and businesses.
The Eye alleges the decision to move to Switzerland has more to do with the local trading standards rather than the 50% tax
It suddenly dawns on Balls why Gordon sent him to open the local McDonalds. This is his Milliband with a banana moment.
Gordon’s Kitchen Nightmare
I got my degree in home economics. So what!
Gordon always gives me the crap jobs. Come up with an antidote for swine ‘flu by Tuesday, he says.
“What’s for lunch?”
“Mutton dressed as lamb”
I’ll show Jamie Oliver how to ‘do’ school meals. And I’ll get the minimum wage and leftovers
“Gordon, your mess of pottage that you ordered is ready”
They always say shit finds it’s own level.”Gordons been cooking the books for years,I can’t even cook an omlette”.
tbh imo lulzy
This is my recipe for premature evacuation
Photographer: “OK Minister, thrust your chin forward, turn your head to the right, point your eyes at the camera and … bingo … another successful New Labour photocall. I’ll send my fee to the taxpayer, as usual.”
icecream meh
hth
“Er, no Timney. I don’t need any cream.”
Like it.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/8028775.stm
He’s doing the weird smiling again. Is somebody slipping prozac into his morning cup of bovril?
absolutely fucking incredible. Repeats himself so often because he doesn’t know what he’s just said………dont forget though ” This is worldwide and started somewhere else”
This is so obviously a man not used to smiling being somehow forced to.
It not only makes him look gormless, but it is entirely inappropriate when he does it. He obviously didn’t understand what his image consultant said.
“I’ve turned into a quite a Fanny!”
Batturd and buggered Gordon?
Ex minister caught gobbing in the food at takeaway.
“May 01 2011:
Undercover Sun reporters on assignment within Prime Minister David Cameron’s kitchen staff were alarmed to find a former Labour cabinet minister preparing a poisoned meal.”
I’m his heir, you know…he promised…
I’m gonna call it a MacBridie
Eats shits and leaves.
” Right that’s the human and the bird strain mixed, all i need now is a pig and i can fuck the world.”
JENNIE BOND: ‘….and on Great British Menu next week, Ed finds out that there will be Ghurkas at the forces banquet..’
Yes it’s Guidoaf Orcs’ skull, after this I am going to top it up with my own ordure, then bake it in the sun for a few days. When it’s set I’ll use it as the head for a scarecrow in the vegetable garden.
We’ll all miss him though.
50 spoons of tax
10 of NI
25 0f Fuel Duty
and 15 of VAT.
Mix while watching Jacqui’s video collection.
lol
British economy finally overtakes Zimbabwe when a job is finally created by the bail out. Brown confident of finally holding the general election after dealt of twenty years
Kitchen Nightmare
I have neve been in the kitchen.
Do you want some of my batter?
“A fine, plump child can make scrambled brains for two. Ideal party food!”
“Ed (41) was once a well know politician who fell on hard times after Labour famously lost the 2010 election and Ed lost his seat in what was known as “did you stay up for the Ed Balls moment” or the “did you see Ed cry moment”.
With the Police investigation into his misuse of public funds, the subsequent suicide attempt in prison, his divorce, a number of failed business ventures, bankruptcy and his descent into drugs and self-abuse. With patient training and counselling under the government’s “Work you lazy bastards” welfare-to-work scheme, Ed’s life has been completely turned around.
Ed has now found employment as a junior-chef in the Huntsman pub in Rotherham where he can be found every day preparing the pies and chips.”
Said a spokesman for the DWP, “even hopeless cases can be helped”.
Man who supped with the devil finds alternative use for long handled spoon.
All I have to learn now is how to say ‘fuck’ with coviction and Ramsey’s out of a job
‘Ere stop messin about!
This should be a receipe for disaster – Hell’s Kitchen my arse – Balls’ Kitchen!
I heard that Jackboots will after her old job back on the Domestic Science front after the next election, so I thought that if I get some practice in, I can beat her to it!
Fudge packing.
Eye of Broon, and toe of Jacqui,
Wool of Ass, and tongue of Byers,
Clarke’s fork, and blind-Blunkett’’s sting,
Blears’ leg, and Beckett’s wing,–
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a Balls-broth boil and bubble.
v impressed TT….Shakespeare, huh?
Damianeyes
“Heeere’s Johnny!”
You meddlesome anonymous cook… spoiling my Shining Broth.
But, we ask, when comes the necessary axe bit?
who the fuck wants to live in Brown’s version of Britain?
I don’t want to live in the Manse, with the Vicar watching me on his CCTV monitor
“Though shalt work till you drop, you will give me all your money and I will distribute it as I see fit, I will sit and drink tea with burglar but i will not help the old soldier from Nepal, I use my iron fist on the owners of private business but with my sweaty palm hand I shall give money to the Church Secretary so her husband can have a wank in front of the TV.
I am the Lord of the Mase…….come oooooooooooooooooon I am the Lord of the Manse
June 10th 2010.
“39,493″, now is my time…
I’ll stir and I’ll stir until…………………..
Over promoted – again.
“Following my wole in causing the financial cwisis I’ve got a whole new appwoach to whisk management”
It’s no fun whipping the cream without Balls
Do’nt worry gordon, a few more spices to go in and you wo’nt be able to tell which are dollys and which are mcbrides.
Sweetbreads anybody?
(With apologies to Lennon/McCartney)
Happy ever after in the troughing place,
Gordon lets Yvette lend a hand
Edward stays away and plots a leadership race
So that one day he might be ruler of the land
ready, steady, COCK
LOL
Winner
‘Gordon Brown’s WHAT- bowl?!’
Huhne stirs shit
What’s the point you keep censoring my posts.
2019
…and at the Erith branch of ‘Burger Me’ the longest serving employee ponders why he STILL hasn’t made ‘employee of the month’.
IS THIS A PHOTOSHOP FAKE ?????
Ill show him how to eat shit and die!
As Guido enters the greasy spoon for his THIRD fried breakfast of the day, the new chef spots his chance to get revenge.
A pant in the country?
Taxpayers demand Porridge all round, for the cabinet.
Bodger stirs the mash while waiting for Badger to get home from playing at Gordon’s house.
Bodger and Badger, Bodger and Badger.
La, la, la, la-lah, la, la, la, la-lah.
Bodger and Badger are never far away.
iv charged the greasy spoon on expenses.
“Seriously though, I’m an Honourable Member of Parliament. You can clearly see I have such honest eyes.”
OR
Can you name the other toss pot?
If you can’t stand the heat………
I’m Balls.
I slap Gorden on the chin daily.
And THIS is my Paddington Bear Stare!”
Olivers request “can I have some more please” was not well received.
“Bugger, the recipe does not state how much Strychnine will be needed to get rid of that fat bastard.”
“This should make my windows taste better”
Yes I know I claimed £60,000 for a new kitchen – yes this is it – whats your point?
Of course there not brains
Proof that Brown’s not the only one sat on a three foot stool
My Department started this dual course in fast-food and the Dark Arts for subnormal children. The hunter becomes the hunted
Oi, Purnell, this kitchen’s a f*ckin pigsty
like it
Nice one.
Keep stirring
“Tonight, Matthew, I’m going to be that bloke out of Sparks”
Whatever it is, it’ll be half baked
Oi, Purnell, this kitchen’s a f*ckin pigsty.
Sorry guy(s) got a 404 first time. It wasn’t so funny it needed to be rpeated. Computers eh.
Would you trust this man with your children?
I never tire of lie pie………one more spin of the spoon
“Jacqui Smith former pupil in shock ‘top job’ fuck-up”
Beating your batter is a great stress reliever.
“Harvey Keitel’s gonna play me in the movie.
It’s gonna be amazing.
Brown thinks that Rupert Everett’s gonna play his role but I hear they’ve lined up Peter Kay; course he’s gonna have to pile on the pounds to play Gordon.”
Ed Balls eats bowl of poo in sick Children in Need stunt
alimentary my dear Watson, McPoison in here & Dolly the sheep in the microwave. That should shut them up.
More pancake for Mr Brown’s next YouTube appearance coming up!
No dear, up and down until stiff, Gordon says your good at that.
It’s slow acting hemlock. First it turns your hair white, then it turns your eyebrows black. Only then does it have a lethal effect on any prime ministerial ambitions.
you’re next gordon
too many cocks spoil the broth
Gordon told me personally that during the next Cabinet reshuffle I would get a real McJob.
Wonder what the last ingredient will be if he is serving up to Brown?
Well let’s face it, you’re not likely to catch his wife in the kitchen are you?
Fucking dreadful woman.
porky pies, porky pies
‘Shit stirrer’
If I smear this on my genetals I wonder if Yvette will lick it off
I bet Yvette’s packing the same gear…
More pancake for your next YouTube performance coming up, Gordon!
A glimpse of the future if Harriet Harm-men becomes leader…
Men should be so lucky. Concentration camp victims will be the ones for the oven, not cake.
It reminds me of that Two Ronnies story, The Worm that Turned. Unfortunately, the only thing the worm in the picture will be turning is the odd stomach.
Gordon told me that moonlighting in the back kitchen of a kebab shop was The Right Thing To Do in These Difficult Times.
“Just another stir or 20 before Wednesday afternoon…..”
Labour: Be Very Afraid! It’s not just the books we’re cooking.
As young Eddie finishes stirring the shit, he mentaly prepares himself to toss Gordon’s salad
“Here’s one I fucked up earlier.”
“Phase 1 complete…..I have infiltrated Cameron’s mansion, posing as an assistant-under-sous-chef…..now to slip him the scrambled egg with embarrassing virus……”
Gillian McKeith on “You are what you eat” shows another couple what their offspring will look like in 40 years if they gorge on a diet of sleaze, corruption, incompetence and hypocrisy.
Gordon’s scrambled brain, fava beans on the side and a nice chianti.
Yvette (voice off): Keep stirring, Ed. Purnell’s already been promoted to Fries Captain.
it gives me a break from shit stirring
“The eyes have it..the eyes have it…”
“Mandy keep still!..McBride, you are not in charge any more now blow like you have never blown before…bitch!! “
“I just need a little more gooey stuff ….consistency just about right!”
40,034 signatures at 3.30pm Friday.
Petition 40034 sigs. Woo hoo!
“Finally good at something”
I’ve always hated Gordon Brown
The sooner that daft woman gets back from No 11 the better…
leave me alone, i have to get this cooking thing sorted if i want to be home secretary.
O/T – 40,000 milestone passed already.
Sweet breads of course!
…..and here we have the one person in the country who’s had his mortagage fixed by the government.
Rezepte. zeigen Sie mir Ihre Rezepte. schnell!
Sorry, but I don’t think the man in the photo is Ed Balls.
If it actually is, then he is obviously miming the mess he has made of the British education system.
When’s Sweeney Brown gonna send down another corpse?
“How do you like my shit-stirring action? Damien McPoison taught me how”
That nice Mr Mandelson is going to shew me how to make it rise
V good.
“You mean I can actually claim for the pinafore?”
It’s jolly good I can claim this Gordon Ramsey vid on expenses
Mrs Balls taught me all she knew in the kitchen. And I taught her how all I know, which is speaking a load of ‘Balls’
bbc have your say comments is down …..surprise, surprise
And todays recipe sent in by a Mr Mandelson is faggots
in poof pastry
Don’t forget a hole in the top to let the steam out. Would’t want it soggy.
Do ya think I scare easily? Well, do I? Punk?
With 3,000,000 hits. 40,000 signatures is slow going.
Guido can you re-paste a link on your home page
Guido has done his bit pushing this. Can someone add a link from the various YouTube clips? Think it needs another dimension adding to keep it going.
The “ayes” have it……..
I am Eddie Izzards evil twin brother……….they let me play with spoons you know!
Eddies well fit!
“I’ll do to Brown what Edwina did to Major” says Ed Eggs.
Ed Balls makes his Favourite meal of Nuts and Fruitloops.
“This stirrings tough without McBride and Draper”
I’ve had to do all the cooking at No 10 since Calamity Brown lost his poison taster
“Maybe if I had used a whisk and not a screwdriver?”
The new Home Secretary getting on with the job
Gordon, can you give Sarah a shout – I’ve diluted your spunk but I can’t find the turkey baster.
“This bowl of porridge is a bit like Gordon Brown and half the cabinet; thick and Scottish.”
“Hey, I’m the real shit-stirrer in No 10″
Well according to the recipe this is precisely how you make ‘Solyent Green’
Step this way. Free school meals for all. You know we can afford it.
“F*ck, when we said free school meals, I did not think I would have to make them!”
Final preparation of Stroganoff Litvinenko for Gordon’s surprise dinner.
Ed realised too late that he hadn’t claimed for the eggs on expenses.
You are not beating hard enough Ed – my husband Richard will show you how.
LOL
Splendid!
balls: If this the Home Secretary’s idea of Re-Educating the Masses ahead of the next General Election, then we are well and truly f**ked.
Yeah OK.
But it’s a job.
We’re out of the rain.
And Yvette’s out front, wiping over the Tables.
The pay isn’t so good but we get all the chicken nuggets we can eat.
I think Burger King’s been very good to us since we were kicked out of Parliament
Battered Balls, anyone?
And todays recipe sent in by a Rev Broon is Parsons Nose in Tripe
And Mr Jacqui Smith will provide a Creme Brulee with extra topping
for drinks he’ll give all guests a shandy (hand)
Ed Balls is a fat James Bond look alike isnt he?
“Licensed to shill”
I can’t joke about this bastard, it’s too awful. Gordon could be a crap contestant on “it’s a class war knockout” but Balls is a whole new game.
As a member of the Bilderberg Group, this twat only has to lay low during the interregnum. Watch out kids, he WILL be Prime Minister one day.
Im the “great WHITE”
not that fuckin Marco!
Yvette will soon be sucking on chocolate covered Balls.
Gordon never told Ed that shit stirring was a metaphor….
Hmmm, I wonder which of our backbenchers Gordon wants this smeared over today?
Yes I know I’m a mega hoon, but I just want to be seen as an ordinary Joe on this photo op. Damien said it was a good idea.
“mmm…no matter how much I spin this around I can’t seem to make it palatable”
“Chocolate coated salty balti Balls” – The Chef.
Balls prepares for his new job as a burger flipper.
You can’t make a souffle without breaking an egg. Then just add some Brown stuff…..and watch it collapse in the middle.
Two more minutes and that’s my Grade A* A-Level Home Economics in the bag.
That means instant Home Secretary material for you and all the extra scams that go with it!
I didn’t get married for this!
And youz tought I was zee Schools minister, ven alls along I am zee child catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Ya!
Gordon, the makeup girl said you need more pancake on for your next YouTube appearance.
Gordon, I can’t do a Labour omelette – we’ve run out of shite, but if you can do another Youtube promo…
P.S. if you find Mandy I can add a bit of mince.
Surely mincing meat
Surely stuffing the meat in the mincer….
It can only be “Shxt Stirrer”
‘this is my 5th year in jail following Cameron’s Truth and Reconciliation Court. I quite like it in the kitchen and even better my cell- mate sucks like Yvette. Gordon never writes though,the straighjacket means he can’t hold a pen.’
After a hard day in the showers, Balls sought refuge in the prison kitchen.
Who said boys can’t attend cookery classes?
I’m wearing a thong and suspenders borrowed from Jackie under this apron
Yvette I’ve just been sick. Do you think it could be pig flu or have I just been listening to McNutter for too long.
Hmmm, I’ll make this whitewash extra thick…and no-one will ever remember our … indiscretions … come the election.
Nooooo – Ooooone!
Me old mate the ‘Dirty Baron’ reckons that whipped egg white makes a great jizz substitute for Yvette’s strap on, will keep me going for hours!
“PUT THE LOTION IN THE BUCKET”
Just take one portion of mediocrity, mixed with three parts ambition and two parts madness. Stir thoroughly then marinade in bile for almost 7 years. Place in oven at Gas Mark 6. Don’t light oven just turn it on and wait for the explosion
A wonderful recipe, produces perfect ZaNuLab pocket lining clones every time!
“A Twat on a Stool” 2009 – Photographer Unknown
Damien
I’m baking this ‘specially for you
I’ll tell you another thing chef’s muscles are good for – it produces white sauce from your Balls
Shady criminal gets off lightly ( official NuLab policy ) with a few hours community service in the soup kitchen.
“If fucking Ramsay can get away with it, so can fucking I !”
My Gordon omlet smells like shit, that would be the Brown stuff that cam out of his mouth.
hatrick productions ponders if this photo for a new series of hells kitchen will improve labours chances at the ballot box .
offical that ed is slacker and asleep at the wheel and unreliable witness as he is found , still stirring a bowl of water two hours after he told head chef he was too busy to veg prep
its my bowl see , its mine , all mine ,on my expenses geddiit not yours , go and find your own
Gordon did the mincing.
“…….then garnish with slices of troughle and serve with a Potassium Cyanide coulis…”
Beating the meat is more fun.
Gordo – bit of a problem with your plan to boost your poll ratings by having another sprog. Your spunks all curdled and there’s no way it will go through the turkey baster.
Sarah’s going to be well pissed as you’ll have to do it the ‘proper’ way.
Just imagine it’s Mandy and you’ll be fine.
Ed finally finds another use for his right hand.
Yes!
I wish I’d said that!
MAY DAY MAY DAY MAY DAY
Plumber urgently needed to fix Broon’s overflowing WC at Chequers.
‘Chocolate Brownies, anyone?’
OT.
Poll at 40,855 at 18.05 on 1st May. I think many more will sign this weekend after seeing the disturbing antics of the floundering lunatic on YT.
Balls plays,
“The One String Fiddle”
on the spoons!!!!!!!!
Problem – Cyanide smells strongly of almonds.
Solution – Bake Gordon an almond cake.
The German for almonds being “Mandeln”, prompts musing as to whether it might be a Trojan abbreviation?
Ian Hislop doesn’t like you, Guido. Or us, apparently.
http://denverthen.blogspot.com/2009/05/eye-envy.html
He has a point…………. why berate Mcbride for wanting to stick vicious, nasty smears on a blog when all hell breaks loose on here with equally vicious and nasty accusations and innuendo and insults hurled left, right and even centre.
For 438 Ghost of Ian Smith – I knew it was you from your anagram, you are of course: Foaming Hot Shits
Hislop’s just another Jock MacSnott nose in the trough journo taking it up the jeer hole from Brown.
414 is that a speling mistake? Should it not be shit eater?
Mostly fair criticism from the Eye. Certainly many of the posts on the blog are Orcish and vile. Unfortunately the Eye, which used to do real investigative journalism. mostly now goes for ultra-safe requests for disclosure under the Freedom of Information Act, or the minor misdoings of obscure provincial councillors.
Agreed. I just can’t stand that twat Hislop so I made up the story.
Blogtastic.
hmmm wonder if Hislop was shocked by his old employer Peter Cook when he did Derek & Clive. All that offensive langauge. Didnt stop him working for him though did it.
Sweetbreads! My favourite Balls.
Fwize with that?
OK boss! Who do we dish the dirt on now?
Just remove the “Friday Caption Competition” header and use the title above that: +++ Baby P Killer Convicted for Rape of 2 Year-Old +++
Time to bend over, Yvette. This cream is whipped to perfection.
cook and balls
Election result Gordon – you’ve just been beaten by a whsker!
Damn ! I meant whisker.
Hands up – or the big one gets it!
Cooking the Books
Mmmmmmm……Brains!
I like brains
I’d like brains
Balls Spreads ‘Pan’demic
Groan
I know. Sorry That was a dreadful pun. But It would not suprise me if Labour had started this whole swine flu thing to get the media to forget about ho crap they are for a while and they are all swine
Can You Smell What the Balls – Crap Education Policies
Can You Smell What the Balls is Cooking – Crap Education Policies
Sorry cant smell it or sppell it as iv’e got a ZaNuLieBor ‘keep me off the dole stats while paying through the nose degree’ in crap
this kitchen is a f’ucking disgrace,what an effin mess,get rid of it and every effin person in it.
What do you expect with Jane Purnell pretending to be a commis?
A Labour Government – Recipe for Disaster
The meal? Ed’s Labour on Toast.
Was that one hump or two sir?
“Put the kettle on, Errol”
Balls Announces plan to get UK out of Recession. He is going to use Home Economics.
He’s Labours Portillo. Let the public remove him and sit back and enjoy with the popcorn and beer on election night.
Another wrong word from from you Gordo and cum in yer porridge as well as spit in it.
Someone should warn him not to sit too close to the microwave when it is turned on, It fries your brain.
Blinkey fiddles while Britain burns
He’s looking like Donald Sinden cooking up something for his erstwhile mistress Elaine Strich in ‘Two’s Company’
He looks like a jailed psychopathic murderer working in a prison kitchen.
“I wish Gordon hadn’t wanted MPs to declare their second income. Now they’ll all know I’m getting sod all in Ramsay’s fucking kitchen.”
Please Sir, you want more!
More is for the governors of the workhouse – not the inmates.
“I’m an ugly twat”.
Given the oafs speech impediment, is he thinking;
“Those smearmails were worth the wisk.”
Taxi on its way, coat folded neatly in arms.
‘ What do you mean – am I the man of the house? ‘
Cooking bollocks
Downing Street? It’s like one big homo-erotic gang-bang these days, and we have our own recipe KY jelly … Dollymix
‘ Lukewarm – I aint never not been lukewarm not in the ‘ole o my life Mr Barraclough.’
Caption: “Dishing the dirt”
“Err…what did you say this photo was going to be used for?”
Just think, he’s the minister for children ffs!
To confuse the great British Public all you have to do is to beat more air into the mix and they will not know the difference. God bless the gullible British Public. They know who to vote for at the next election.
Westminster Restaurant “El Balli” fails to win even a single McDonalds Star.
Ed Balls denies he is stirring against the Prime Minister
I thought you said this helmet was non stick.
Kitchen Balls-up
Half a pound of tuppeny rice, half a pound of treacle, mix it up and make it nice, fuck off weasel.
Who wears the trousers in the Balls household?
Stir Well
Ed prepares props for Yvette’s first bukkake video.
Can I lick it when you’vr finished
A Photo-shopped Vanessa Mae
‘Eye of newt and toe of frog, wool of bat and tongue of dog’ and a large dose of McPoison!
Bugger, I’ve got to do this all on my own. Where are the othe two witches, Maguire and Watson, when you need them?
It’s called cooking the books
Minister For Children prepares one for breakfast.
swine flue
No Constable, I clearly remember inserting a clause in the Finance Act 2001 which states that Labour Party Members of Parliament are exempt from the provisions of the Mental Health Acts.
To smear or not to smear, that is the question. Whether ’tis nobler to suffer the slings and bytes of outrageous emails, Or to take arms against a sea of troubles And by opposing, end them. To die, to sleep…
“Parole Ed? – No, sorry son, its not for you, not after what you done”
Caption.
“If only McBride was still here to stir this sh1t.
gordon is always accusing me of being a shit stirrer
I love stirring.
How can the gorgeous Yvette go anywhere near that 3 “r’s” hole?
She’s so scrummy.
“Gordon, will you use the toilet next time”
Salt, shit, I forgot the salt!
If it looks like shit and smells like shit then it must be Balls
Gordon Brown’s illegitimate younger brother shows us how to boil an egg in his new Cookery programme, ‘A quick spin around my kitchen’.
Ed Balls in his new job having been sacked from the Government.
or
Ed Balls cooking-up something else.
James Purnell likes Culture – he’s get lots of it in his bath – so now he’s asked me to provide a splash of colour for his walls.
The pancake mixture has to be thrown away because the chef is such a useless tosser
Squinty-eyed oddball in the prison kitchen following his detention for offences against children of the nation
2 May 1997 – “we’re the Masters now”
2 May 2009 – ” we’re the Masterbators now”
Inmate 237 wins the June 2010 prison shit-stirrer competition on his first try following nulabour’s landslide mega-wipeout at the general election.
you can’t make an omelette without breaking some huevos
Half a pound of tuppeny rice
Half a pound of treacle
That’s the way the money goes…….
I am the only MP who can stand the heat so im staying in the kitchen