Friday Caption Contest (Bend It Like Edition)
Maguire in the VIP Enclosure at Cheltenham – EyeSpy.MP
BBC Bias Investigation Collars Basil Brush – The Sun
Drug Cartels Say “Ban Mephedrone!” – ASI Blog
Boot-Boy Tebbit Chases the Dragon – Telegraph
Can Gordon Brown Handle the Real World, Honestly? – Times
Labour’s Brave New Strategy - Dizzy
Mephedrone: Dealing with the Facts – ASI blog
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Parliamentary Standards Commissioner John Lyon said of LibDem MPs…
“The effect of members not making over these payments to the House was to put their private interest above their public interest, contrary to the Code of Conduct for Members of Parliament.”
+ Crude (June)
As of 16 Mar 2010
-Gilts (Mar)
As of 26 Feb 2010
Flat – No Positions
As of 23 Feb 2010 +30.81%
Lend us a tenner.
Pish and Becks…
Gordon Balls
“Facking ‘ell, this weird fucker looks like Widow Twanky in a suit and ‘e smells funny. Posh! Get the facking kids in the other room before this nonce scares the poor little blighters.
(starts singing-out of tune) “My old man’s a dustman he wears a dustman’s hat, he wears cor blimey trousers and he lives in a etc etc….”
General pandemonium to fade…
What a fucking carry on, eh, campers?
When I entered politics, David, John Smith told me ‘You gotta have Balls and you gotta stay Red’. Now your Balls are Golden and mine are Ed.
Do you remember when to screwed that penalty, fucked the game and made a total pratt of yourself – globally. I feel like that all the time.
And one more thing, Beckham. No more FREE kicks…..
David, does Los Angeles have a rugby team?
I’m thinking of calling it ‘Bend It Like Brown’.
Gordon, schtoom. I think there’s some gold left. Right behind me…..
You spent years teaching your foot to control balls. Now Balls makes it look like Foot controls me.
You swing it in from the Right. I swing it in from the Left. How come you score more than me?
hahaha.
Pish and Becks is THE funniest post here.
I’m a bender, not like Beckham………
Beckham: “What’s that smell of piss?”
Beckham: “No, you can’t borrow my fucking Nokia.”
Is this a ‘Spot the media whore’ competition?
Gordon’s aide had mistakenly held up the ‘drull and pallid’ prompt despite regular attempts by the press office to remind him to act ‘warm and cuddly’.
Meanwhile…. Becks thinks *whistling wind*, I propa need a shite.
Here is the church, here is the steeple, open the doors, here are the people.
David,
We need a man that knows more about Economics,Finance and Mathematics than me. I realise that both I and Alistair are out of our depth. So we would like to ask you to steer us out of this mess.
What do you think ?
Well David. We’re both famous for our Balls. Your are Golden – mine are Ed. But the truth is I dribble. You don’t.
Lend us a few quid dave i;m fucking skint
If you add the IQ’s up in this photo you get negative number
brilliant…
Economics, David, is a very deep philosophy. I was Chancellor for a decade. You know what I discovered? Its a penny for your thoughts. But you put your tuppence worth in. Somebody’s making a penny. Tax free, too.
GB David you are a real gem
DB Does that mean I come in a posh box?
Anyone got a spare Nokia?
DB: No, seriously Gordon I do have more money than you.
GB: Well… I think you’ll find… er.. 10 years er… well, umm… I think you’ll find… umm…
DB: You have to look for the negative sign!! My figure is positive £100m yours is negative £1.4tr. I know it is hard, I struggled at first but I got there eventually. If you give me a minute I’ll get Brooklyn in here he’s good with this stuff.
Staff development session 17: practice clasping your hands without looking.
David, I’m looking for someone who’s good at kicking Balls…
BECKHAM: “Would you like me to hand you the toilet roll now?”
Becks…. “This seat’s wet, who sat in it last?”
put the fire on its baltic inere
We’re all fucked. I’m fucked. You’re fucked. The whole county’s fucked. It’s the biggest cock-up ever. We’re all completely fucked. (Attrb. Sir Richard Mottram Permanent Secretary DETR 11 Sept 2001)
Well, I was thinking that we could tax the living shit out of you and Posh … please?
Beckham: “So i fink i should be your new advisor mr brown.
I can’t even work a computer.”
http://www.torybear.com/2009/04/friday-fun-tuckermcbride-edition.html
That is it then. You are hired as you will not be able to send any e-mails and drop me in the shit..
Come on – Becks couldn’t make a worse mess than Bliar, Broon and Badger-Face already have.
Beck’s latest endorsement was going to be a real uphill struggle
I’m English, not British, ya Scotch bastard.
I’m British, not English. ya sassenach hoon!
I know my place.
Here we go again – We are known as ‘Scots’ or ‘Scottish’; ‘Scotch’ is what we drink. Do try and remember in future and don’t make such a twat of yourself.
RR,
Aye, we’re made to speak this lingo and it isn’t even oors, this thick twat speaks it as his first language and he’s as smart as Jade Goody!
You’re also known as “Scotch” or anything the fuck else we want, according to own preference/prejudice/experience of your Scotch socialist scumbags in English office. Alright, Mr. Two-Votes?
English eat roast beef = Rostbifs;
French WOCAB eat frogs legs = Frogs;
Scots are known for their sobriety, so the misuse of the term “Scotch” must be a studied insult.
DB: I’m English myself.
GB: Really? I’m North British.
‘Your a bit of a posing twat arn’t you?’……
said David Beckham
You should know!
said Snot-Gobbler Broon
As you are going to tax me over 60% I am not coming back to England. Also I will not have another photo taken with you again.
It’s nice to have someone I can talk balls to.
Lend me your balls, David.
…else I’ll tax them at 50%.
Brown “What is like to have fans?”
What’s it like to have balls?
I suppose it all started with my Dad, really. I don’t know … it’s good to talk like this … it’s been such a burden …
Gordon Brown: ‘How do you like these boutique commodes Mandy gave me? I like imagining the British people under it.’
It all seemed to be going so splendidly till I changed psychotherapist, a Doctor Draper I believe he was called …
Brown “Have you ever scored an own goal, I can not seem to miss them?”
My decline started in America, but at least I could get transferred to a rich club.
Bravo, encore, more.
Wish Guido had a recommend button like CiF – this is a vintage crop already 1-12 are great stuff.
Rofl.
I always thought I could lead England, too.
How did you get the people behind you again after being shown the red-card, and sent off during that world cup?
Becks: ‘Blimey, I keep on trying to escape these mad Scotsmen but they keep popping up everywhere’.
I’m NOT Scottish, I’m North British.
Brown ” I am great at playing football, I have the whole English populations balls under my foot at the moment.”
So I just unclenched my hands like this and took hold.
Beckaham: I have to go now.
very funny!
Beckham : I don’t understand Japanese.
One is a dumb, self obsessed, overpaid egotist….
Nah, just kidding. I like Beckham. At least out of these two he is actually talented in his chosen profession.
I have no words to describe Brown in realistic terms – it is shocking that the sheep of England haven’t turned and ripped him from No.10 and poured cabinet blood on to the streets. Where are the French when we need them?
Making Cabinet Sauvignon!
‘Do next ? Well, there’s talk of a movie, Bend it Like Brown”, wi that wi laddie John Inman in the title role. But I’ve nae regrets mind.’
I’ve been sitting here all night. No sign of Father Christmas.
Gordon – “I hear you’re good at kicking balls?”. I’ve got just the job for you…
Excellent
Brown “What chance do Scotland have in the World Cup.”
Beckham “No fucking chance guv, just like you, you hoon.”
it’s not exactly frost-nixon is it.
Good!
(off camera) suggest you move that glass before McTwat throws it at you
Brown:::
Dave crossdressing is normal, if you think Posh’s outfits are strange, you should see the weird dresses that what I wear on a weekend.
Could you help me get into underwear advertising?
Do you mind, I’m trying to eat my lunch!!!
Y-front sales are up 35%
Chris Bryant is a man with vision
http://plato-says.blogspot.com/2009/04/its-official-we-are-shitting-ourselves.html
See the ring around my left thumb, thats the tide mark from mandelson’s arse, he loves it when I twirl it around.
Brown : is that glass of water half full or half empty?
Beckham: “I can give you the number of Ferguson’s anger management guru if you feel the urge to start screamin’ and frowin’ fings again.”
That’s crap.
ManUre glory hunter, I presume.
Beckham to Brown: “What the fuck’s going on with your left eye?”
You one-eyed scottish Hoon.
Ignorant twat – bet you’re English?
Gordon: “This is an end to celebrity politics… honnest…”
Beckham: “You can say that again, ya robbin Scottish bastard”
Brown: I’ve scored many an own goal
Well David I can bend most things but do’nt seem to have much luck with Balls.
Gordon: ‘I can’t think why Harriet said you need a stab-proof vest when around Beckham. You seem quite pleasant to me.’
Excellent!
Becks – “So Gordo, did you and Tone ever roast that Jacqui Smith?”
no it was mandy
No, Gordon, you’re supposed to control Balls, not the other way around.
“That’s funny… he says he is called Brown, but I’d swear he looks more like a Hoon to me…”
I wish I had golden balls. Instead I ballsed up the gold.
Coach Brown:
“You hold it like this before ramming it home, straight and true”
He’s a good looking guy, nice tan, good haircut, white teeth, like mine. Would I rim him? I think at the very least I would try to rim him. If that is the question you are asking me, then my answer is yes, I would love to rim Dave’s arsehole.
No, you must have mis-heard me prime minister, I asked you if you like Dave because he’s dim.
…….and then I beat Germany said Mr Brown
There is no way I will resign as captain like you did
Actually the chants are right…she does take it up the shitter. How about your Mrs?
” Err f…f…firstly….err….David…….can I borrow your phone?
Becks:
No Gordon, the film’s called ‘Bend It Like Beckham’, not ‘Bend Over Like Beckham’
Both get booed at Wembley.
“I would do anything for love, and certainly almost anything for a few million, but I wont do that.”
“So David, I’d welcome your insight on the economy…”
Brown: How did you get back from being the most hated man in England.
Becks: I showed my talent and passion for the thing I do best.
Brown: Oh shit!!!
Thick ‘n Pick.
No disresepct to your bitch, but in an ideal world wouldn’t you rather be with baby.
PS O/T Christopher Galley sacked
Gordon: How about a swap deal? Your golden balls for my Ed Balls?
back of the net public borrowing requirement.
*Its official whistleblowers will be sacked and struck off ! *
Go on Gordon, drink it and it will all be over in a few minutes.
Did Sven through the cups around the dressing room,
no he’s an Ericsson not a Nokia
Hahahaa
Interviews for new chancellor reveals unknown financial genius. ‘It’s like he’s got two fucking brains!’ said a source close to Downing St.
To Anonymous #38
That was uncalled for – I was having my lunch.
Not a mental image I wish to carry through the afternoon thanks.
V funny though
Unlikely scenarios no. 60 in a series:
“So, what’s Posh like in the sack then Becks?”
Becks. ‘What is it with all you power made Scots, when mistakes are made, do you have to throw things at the wall?’
Prime Mentalist: I am better than you . I can keep 2 Balls up in the air.
Beckham: Blinking Mad.
Err nooo David, no sports for me. Every time I’m taackled, my eye pops oot!
“I remember when I could go for a walk out in the fresh air around the fuhrer bunker, to feel the sun on my face…”
GB “People have just got to tighten their belts – look at Posh, she doesn’t cost much to feed…”
LOL
Broon: “The symptons are feverishness, alternating hot flushes and chills, bleeding headaches and deafness..”
Becks: “Malaria?.”
Broon: No. Prime Minister’s Question Time.”
Lol. Brill.
Dumb and Dumberer
Unlike you Mr Beckham, I am very good at own goals. Oh and by the way im having 50% of your income now so off you go and earn it!!!
I’ve got Golden Balls too, y’know!
What’ exile like?
Christ I thought Gary Neville was thick.
If only I had balls…
Becks: “Can I have a free kick?”
Beckham: And I thought I talked shite
LOL
…….no, not ‘practice kicking and heading’, you deaf hoon. I said ‘practice kicking your head in.
. . . I curved the Xerox laser printer across, and the SpAd headed it straight into the back of the net.
:lol:
50%! I’m off to play for Switzerland.
Do you want to buy some coal
So David, just before your lesson on how to win a gay audience over, I wonder whether you could help me with my maths homework? That eight time stable is a real fucker!
http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/please-go/#detail
Petion to get Bonkers to resign.
Can I ask you to lend it your support? They had mine,….I never wore it anyway!
“So, David, it’s like this. Fabio’s booked up. Fergie says, no. So I’ve decided that I’m going to manage the British olympic football team.”
There’s no point looking pissed off Becks, there was no chance I could get new turf at Wembley through my parliamentary expenses.
Nice one!
you thought the Fergy boot kicking incident was bad laddie – he might be Scottish, but he’s got nothing on my laserjet tossing.
Oh yes Dave If you buy a billion guilts I’ll definitely give you a peerage.
Shock as Brown reveals the ‘genius level IQ’ secret advisor who came up with the budget.
look David, I will be straight with you, Girls Aloud have turned be down for being too butch, is there no chance you can get me into the Spice Girls, I would be Iron Spice, I would go on a diet, everything, I just have a need to express my gayness (not in the homosexualist sense you understand)
If he cant join Girls Aloud he could always get them to join him in the cabinet !
Having been given the task of providing Gordon with an information sandwich, David Beckham wishes he would have had more time to practice heading glasses of water.
Have you seen my stapler
Broon “So, David, what do you think of my plan to for 50% tax on earnings over £150K?”
Beckham “Isn’t that a bit low – I won’t get out of bed for £150K a week?”
Broon “Actually it’s £150K a year”
Beckham “You’re having me on, blimey I would be on benefits at that level!”
Broon: Did I ever tell you about the time we fiddled the election in Glenrothes?
Piece of piss it was.
crowd chants. “You’re shit, and you know you are.”
“You fat bastard, you fat bastard.”
Do you really need to leave the UK David?
There will be no celebrities left to have my photo taken with (and even less to tax)
Becks says, shame about the pitbull, and now Keano’s gone to the tractor boys. So who are you going to get as a replacement?
Brown: Y’see, it’s like this David: I often ask myself, ‘Where am I going? What am I doing here?’
Beckham: I was thinking the same thing. Spurs?
Brown ” …..and thats why Ive asked you here , to offer you the position of
Chancellor of the Exchequor.”
“Beckham ” Is it true youve asked me only because Fiona Phillips turned you
down and Jade Goody Died ? “
Fantastic. Definitely the best so far.
It’s not fair Becks, you are totally crap at football and people like you and I’m brilliant at politics and they hate me.
So should I use the extra 10% from the filthy rich to give to Jackie ,her husbands spicy videos do not come cheap
Jackies cross with this and will tell her sister
but will she let her boys in blue loose in Downing Street or Baton Rouge
no-she willelicit sympathy with her suspend-ers
Broon “David, its’ gid tae tark tae ya, yer the ainly one hee understan’s me”
Beckham “Er, half past three I think”
lol
Damn, when I said only Golden Balls could sort this out, I meant Ed…
Lol. :D
Brown -”Sarah calls me, Gormless Bowels…”, Becks (singing)”Does she take it up the…………”
“…and the other tenner was from the bloke who shat in my pants.”
“Gordon, if we can move swiftly on please….”
Gordon: “How do you kick Balls really hard?”
No Mr Brown, shagging Rebecca Loos will not make you popular
Even that slag’s not that easy. Anyway, she hasn’t got a cock, so I doubt Grim Gordon the Gurning Gobbler would be interested. Becks had to use all his pace to get out of the room with his ring intact.
Brown: “No, no, Becks. For the Johnny Wilkinson toilet position you have to keep your thumbs apart, like this.”
Becks: “I’m not the brightest person in the world, so perhaps you can enlighten me; how do you manage to simply lose, I mean, like, 3 trillion quid ? Are you some sort of fucking retard or what?”
Beckham “… When do you start your new job at McDonalds?”
Gordo: Doris Stokes appeared in a vision. “You are the chosen one, Gordon. Only you can save the planet.” Then she chundered through her nose.
Becks: Strewth.
lmao
Brown: I keep my skeleton in the cupboard.
Becks: I take mine out with me everywhere I go.
Excllent!
yes, best so far
A+
*APPLAUSE*
Legend!
Well David, ahum, I’ve told you about how I borrowed and frittered public money for twelve years; now you tell me about ahum showering with lots of men.
Becks: ‘ere, you’re a bit facking creepy, winky
Beckham “And then Ferguson got right mad like, grabbed the nearest object, and slung it at me, innit”
Brown “Aye, laddie, yer point being?”
From the creators of “Bend It Like Beckham” the long awaited sequel “Spend it like Gordon”
My favourite :-)
Broon “Hae Becks, yer ma pal, dae ya wanna swag ef mae tinnie? Help ma boab, ya spill’d ma pint, ya bastahd! etc etc…..”
D. Beckham ‘this guys a totlal moron’
or
D. Beckham ‘And I thought Ferguson was cream crackers’
or
G. Brown “Fancy a cabinet post ?”
http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/please-go/
we all know what he does with petitions. he’ll print it out, use it as toilet paper, and then throw it in your face, and then he’ll shit down your neck.
he’s not a nice chap, and democracy is the last thing he wants.
there’s no point even signing it; physically dragging him out kicking and screaming is the only way he’ll ever leave.
I’ll vote in 2010, and if there was a riot in downing street then I’d join in and help hang him from the nearest lamppost, but I’ll be fucked if I can be bothered to sign a petition that he’ll just laugh at; it gives him great pleasure seeing people sign things and not doing anything about it; don’t give him that pleasure.
he’s a sick and twisted fuck, and he enjoys those petitions.
True, but look how big the Hannan speech became.
WE will know how many signed and it becomes another nail in the coffin.
David Beckham sing ” Only one Gordon Brown, Only one Gordon Brown, with a big bag of sweets and his wonderful smile, the useless 1 eyed fecker is a Paed…”
GB : Let’s us pray
DB: Yeah that you’ve left before I come back and don’t get shafted on tax
Brown: “I I I have been working on the entries for G in mama my Definitive Compendium of Important-Sounding Words.”
Becks: “Thass rilly inresting Pie Minster – is Goldenballs innit?”
Brown: “Selling the gorgorgorgold was the right thing to do to hard-done-by fanboys. Of course all parties will agree the biggest G of all is Gravitas.”
Beecks: “Wassat then gaffer?”
Brown: “Gravitas – dogmatic petulance. One of my favourites actually.”
Becks: “Scorchio. Got any more boss?”
Brown: “Pupupuprudence is an important entry.”
Becks: “Don’t tell me, I know that one. Is that when you go down the casino and keep doubling up until you win?”
Brown: “Who says fufufootballers are thick? Exactly right. And in my case I can make my own chips.”
Becks: “Victoria and Fabio won’t let me have chips.”
Brown: “Quite right, in the wrong hands…”
(Press-pack, stage-left: “There’s a twat works down the chip-shop swears he’s Gordon…”
Tell me Gordon is it true you have been offerd the part of inspector Dreyfus in the new pink panther film when you retire from politics next year.
Cheers for that Gordon, but I think I’ll give the soggy biscuit a miss if that’s ok…..
Glass of water: ‘F*ck me, these two are wet.”
Brown thinks…
‘I wish he’d drink that bloody water I’ve put Rohipnol in before my stiffie dies down’
Mentalist: Don’t drink the water David, it’s for my dentures and glass eye.
Brown:
” Yes, It’s all part of a new public humiliation program that Mandy has devised to short-circuit people’s anger and help us win the next election”
Becks: (thinks) But why have I been roped in to provide a few cheap laughs on Guido’s website?
Brown: “What’s it like outside then David?”
Beckham: “It’s full of funny little soldiers an Joanna Lumley wiv Bend it like knives out. Is it a clever stunt or summit?”
Brown thinks…
‘Think straight thoughts…think straight thoughts…think straight thoughts…’
Becks – I’m good at football. What are you good at?
(Silence)
“So you see the term ‘boom and bust’ refers to a great buildup in the price of a particular commodity, often based upon the value of a single commodity, like property, followed by a downturn as the commodity price falls due to a change in economic circumstances or the collapse of unrealistic expectations. During a “boom” period, buyers find themselves paying increasingly higher prices until the “bust”, at which time the goods and commodities for which they have paid inflated prices may end up as almost valueless. See?”
Long pause…
“No, sorry Dave, I still don’t get it.”
*sighs*
LMAO
Excellent!
Claps
Shouldn’t that be “No Dave, I still don’t get it.”
lmao. Oh yeah!
“So how’s the whole PM thing going Godon?”
“We’re all fucked. I’m fucked. You’re fucked. The whole country is fucked. It’s the biggest cock-up ever. We’re all completely fucked.”
Broon “I hear that you named your children after the place of their conception”
Beckham “Is that why you called yours John?”
And Mandy?
Beckham thinks…
‘Fuckin hell, 60% of my money goes to this hoon, I thought Posh could waste money but this guy is even worse’
I was wondering, David, how do you control the spin
E-petition asking the Supreme Leader to resign here
Becks: Yeah winky, saw Tony last week – get’s paid squillions now, and is next in line for the papacy.
McDeath:
call yourself something else please, I was here first
Brown – ‘…so it is quite simple really, either you suck me off or I will take the final 40% of your fucking wages you Tory bastard’
http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/please-go/
Gordon forgets to wear black tie at star studded funeral of the British economy
With a propensity to let England down when it needs him most, a fast-fading career, and all prospect of overseas fame dwindling, it was only the hair styles that could tell the two apart.
What’s the difference between Gordon Brown and David Beckham?
One’s an self-obsessed, brain dead idiot with an annoying voice and a tendency to cause England to lose sports matches; the other is married to Victoria Beckham.
Brown. “So all earning over 150K pay 50% income tax.”
Becks. “God, how do I tell Vicky, that I’m staying on at Milan.”
Becks: He was called “Gordon Banks”, Pri Minsta, which is bit ironical really innit?
:)
Ian Krankie reassured Beckham that Wee Jimmy Krankie would be along just as soon as he’d finished delivering the Fan-Dabi-Dozi Budget speech to Parliament.
If the player is in front of the rear most player, but not involved in active play er.. no, the player with the ball.. er.. ok I give up. Can you explain it again David?
Am I big in America?
Brown
‘I’ve just seen that youtube video I did the other day, they set me up didn’t they ?’
Beckham thinks
‘hhmm shall I tell him the truth or humour him, nah fuck it, tell him it even made my miserable bitch of a wife laugh’
Before a sceptical press lobby Gordon Brown reiterates an end to the politics of spin and celebrity.
Ah, a proper caption. Good one, too :)
“I’ve asked you here today to ask you one or two questions about frotting.”
lmao :DD
Broon “I’m afraid it’s water only from now on at these junkets, but I hope later you can join me in a meal of cold comfort pie, followed by hard cheese and sour grapes”
“Come on Becks, where do you and Posh go dogging?”
that doesn’t make sense, Gordon
Well, why don’t you just ask the IMF for a loan, Prime Minister?
No,I wouldn’t like to rim and fettle you, you dirty one-eyed, snot gobbling c’unt!
I was hoping of playing in the world cup 2010. Now I’ve met you Gordon. That fucked!
“….so David, do you like movies about gladiators ?”
“David?”
“Yes, Prime Minister?”
“I’m fucked..”
“I think I’ve just crapped in my pants”
“Me too, got any bog paper?”
“Here, use a copy of Alistair’s budget”
“Not got anything better quality then?”
Brown: Well think of it like this David. For two days of the week you will be working for yourself. For the other three days you will be working for the unemployed of Liverpool. Does that make you feel better about the tax hike?
Beckham: “Christ, and they call me stupid”
So David, I hear that you are an expert at controlling dribbling….
“I was wondering about a career in modelling, David. I just loved your underpant ad.”
So, to answer your question, Becks, no, but I’ve shagged a man that is.
Let me know when David Beckham arrives.
Good one!
Thanks! Hey…you look like a nice boy
I bend it, you’re just bent.
Well, you could always try teaching..
Intellectual colossus meets cretin
Nice…LOL
Its like this Dave – I’d just be more comfortable living as a woman
spin it like brown
I often sit like this when I’m having a wee jobbie…sometime I take my trousers off too.
McMental confuses dim footballer when he confesses to having been a “bender” in his youth
Looks like McMental tried to groom David Beckham. Maybe because of his poor eyesight he mistook him for someone much younger.
Time for your second body image lesson Prime Minister, now we’ve done the smile. Put your fingers inside each other, good, now squeeze them together. Good. I’ll leave it at that for today. Tomorrow we will try something a little harder. Folding our arms. Don’t loose any sleep over it, please, if you can’t drop off think of what History will make of you. That should help.
ps forgot…Lesson One was how to sit with your legs apart. See, David will make a really good coach
Fuckin’ ‘ell Tony, you’ve aged since I was last ‘ere.
And where’s that fuckin’ liability Brown? You finally got shot of ‘im? Baaaat bleedin’ time.
Moron phased by rational economic analysis and the off side rule.
Beckham tries to help him
I do not know which of these two are talking but this is what is said;
‘It seems that I am useless at taking penalties, have you got any advice for me?
Becks: It goes like this, “You’re shit and you know you are”
The worst thing is Dave – I bet that bastard Blair is loving it
Ooh, and Kylie was my favouritest female gay icon.
You never won any silverware for England, you are a vain, empty head troll and a very poor leader. We have so much in common.
You look nothing like you did in the film
Spend it and fuckem
A*. Very good. Get yourself a gold star and put it next to your House on the board.
excellent !
David realised that he was only the second most hated man in England.
One for fellow film geeks…
Brown: Do you eat oysters?
Becks: When I have them, sir.
Brown: Do you eat snails?
Becks: No, sir.
Brown: Do you consider the eating of oysters to be moral and the eating of snails to be immoral?
Becks: No, sir.
Brown: Of course not. It is all a matter of taste, isn’t it?
Becks: Yes, sir.
Brown: And taste is not the same as appetite, and therefore not a question of morals.
Becks: It could be argued so, sir.
Brown: My taste includes both snails and oysters.
Come on Plato respond. This is your style
GB. And Now – the end is near and so i face the final curtain…..
Becks – The window is over there, Gordon.
Brown: Are you famous?
Becks: Well, yeah, you could say.
Brown: Great, you’re my new best mate.
When I first took this job Dave – I actually thought I could do it
Brown – ‘ I recreated your Armani ad myself you know, but in my case I was wearing a soiled nappy, would you like to see the pictures ?’
( apologies to anyone who may have just eaten )
Brown: In 1 second I spent more money than you’ll spend your in your whole life.
Becks: Yes but in just 1 second I create more wealth than you’ll create in your life time.
Brown: Maybe, but I’d still beat you at tennis.
Glad you’re here. Now, did Don Silvio send me a packet?
I’ve seen you and Tony do “keep Upee” but with one eye it’s very difficult. Now you want to get me to balance a gold candleabra on my shoulder. I’ll never do it David. Can you teach me something simpler David, like ruining an economy. I might be able to manage that.
GB: Will I get my crayons out?
DB: Go on then.
“You’ll be much better Chancellor than Darling Becks. I know that you’ll have to take drop in salary, but you’ll make much more on your expenses fiddles – it’s tax free as well.”
You know i could have been a contender like you, any clues on comebacks
Brown “Kick a penalty at 80mph, that’s nothing Laddie. In the right mood I can get a Nokia up to 92 mph and hit Damien 20m away across a crowded room”
Brown announces latest excuse for cancelling PMQs.
What the hell is this bloke Broon talking about? Where’s Tony?
Gordon – have you ever considered a career in banking
“Take my advice…stay in Milan. Italy’s bad but we are completely fucked now”
when you were voted player of the season did you fix it with postal votes
Did you play for Glenrothes United?
Brown “It really all started to go wrong when I went to Derek for some psychotherapy”
As the conversation waned David Beckham tries to recall exactly what his agent had said when he booked him for this meeting with his childhood hero, er, Gordon Banks.
Idiotic twat: I wasnae me and, anyway, it all started in America
Sometime England Soccer Player: I fort it star’ed in Norf Brittun
Gordon’s personal contribution to the Government cuts was to forgo his customary glass of water while entertaining visitors, thereby saving the washing up bill and eliminating the need for one more asset (glass price 47p) on the Governments inventory.
Ah if only Damien were still here and they could also have presented him as the new Green PM for his selflessness
where’s Judy?
Tell you the truth David never had the courage to wear a Sarong, always felt my hips were just a little too big although I have killer legs. What do you think, would my bum look too big?
Gordon: I hear you’re good at playing at the back and coming from behind? What are your plans for this evening?
Gordon
Listen David my wife has now gone off to the states now, do you think yours had fun with a toyboy? I am quite concerned that when she comes back from Obama it will be as stretched as a clowns pocket, us northern lads are not gifted in that department.
David
So the only thing you have that is big are the debts you have run up. No you can’t borrow a quid.
You know David I find your after shave works wonders for me but my wife cannot squeeze into Victoria’s dresses. Have you considered paying tax in this country or are you the brain drain ?
“..and that’s basically what endogenous growth theory is all about.”
“Could you tell me just one more time David I’m still a bit confused.”
Gordo: ‘I’ve always loved you.’
Brown: Did I mention that this all started in America?
Beckham: For the last time, yes! Look you’ve had your photo and I got the stick insect waiting in the car
I see you have taken the scaffolding down
yes it was on police advice
GB: So I have made Susan Boyle the new Home Secretary and I thought that you could be her make up advisor.
“When there’s nothing around to throw I go ‘Here’s the church, and here’s the steeple…..’”
Gordon: How DO you wear white underwear without leaving skidmarks, David?
I wasnae me
I think the last words that Tony said to me were ‘ You’ll never stop from dawn to dusk’ – or something like that
So what do you reckon Dave – Stalin, or Mr Bean
Between you and me David, I think I’ve got away with it. Things have gone eerily quiet on the sleaze-sluice front. The strife I’ve been through recently. First I lost my poison pen, Mini Me has created a plot that I’ve lost, and then I’m exposed as a liar – what am I going to do??
In my experience Gordon, when things go really, really quiet, keep your head down, and don’t accept offers of blow jobs from the trouble & strife for the next 6 months!!
Benders
Becks: I thought we’d both be doing the country a favour if we both stuck our hands together with glue.
Metatarsal metanarsehole
Well Dave – it just feels like someone’s stuck an oily penis in my ear
Gordon Brown is so stupid that even David Beckham notices.
Gordon says: It’s not fair Becks you being a gay icon and you are not even gay!
“Well, I was hoping you could help me, David…….with my adding up”
Look it’s like this David.
The taxpayer sponsers the shirt deal, VOTE LABOUR emblaizoned across the front. The Treasury gets the receipts, we win the election, you get a peerage so everyone wins.
What about the taxpayer?
Don’t worry about them, they always lose.
David, you have nothing to fear from our thought police.
“Think America’s got a job for me too, Becks?”
“No chance, didn’t you blame them for your mess? Right, off to Spain for a beer and a tan spray.”
“…of course, being Scottish, I’ve never really been that interested in international football”
He’s NOT farking SCOTTISH!!!
Wot is he then
“So that is a deal then, I make you Sports Minister and you install my hidden camera in the England changing room – facing the showers.”
“Well most of the top government jobs are taken David, but we may have a position in the Ministry Of Silly Voices”
Iv’e had trouble scoring lately as well
GB: I was just about to get up but have just realised that I’ve got a bit of a semi so I’ll just sit here for a bit and think about Tony and Cherie getting it on to calm myself down. Mind you, it’s not quite as bad as the full on I had when Barack was here the other week!
hee hee
Brown: David, what can I do… every time I open my mouth I score an own goal!
Beck: Get Mandy to put Seaman in.
Just spat my advocaat out!
Yes I know and that wasn’t our arrangement when I pulled you off at half time …
What Mr Advocaat?
oh thats a clever one !
“…………and thats how i ruined a whole country on my own”
I kept telliing them it was Prudence Dave – but in the end they said ‘No, it was fucking you Gordon!’
I just don’t understand it, David. You are very obviously completely stupid and do some truly stupid things, and yet people like and respect you. Why isn’t it working for me?
GB: Before you emigrate David…….can I see your Nokia?
So thats our cover agreed then sweetie – you say you wear dresses in public because its a fashion statement from your wife, and I’ll say I do it because thats what all the men do back where I come from.
It’s at times like these Dave when I think – fuck it I really will claim for that bath plug
So your interesting playing for Raith Rovers but you want me to explain how much tax you’ll be paying on the £150K per week?
I’m not looking forward to this Dave – old Ickey says I’m in big trouble
Whell, Gordon, whell I wuz informed that you sell gold cheap…n..whell I wont to have some of what you have left if i’m not too late like ‘cos I’m havin a set of rims made to match the uvver gold fittins on me new Bentley.
Do you want to come back to my place?
Brown explains the Laffer curve to Beckham.
DB: That fire looks a little dead. Have you got a load worthless crap that you can shove on it to really get it going again?
GB: Well Darling’s budget might be a good start.
So I kick one Argentinian and get sent of, whereas you screw an entire nation and their offspring but you get to stay in play?
best so far.
Guido?? Don’t know him…..what club does he play for?
Brown: “Last time we met you promised to introduce me to a set of hard studs. “
Cheer up Mr Brown. Look if you like I can draw a moustach on that cameo of David Cameron up there on yer mantle piece.
“Becks, I don’t know what to do, I just don’t know what to do”
“You can act like a man you fat hoon”
See, if we’re going to show that Labour is tough and manly, we have to crack our knuckles. Follow me on this.
I’ve got a couple of Balls that need a good kicking.
John Terry’s manhood is HOW big? Oooh. Brings tears to my eye thinking about it.
David is disappointed as Brown proves to him that he actually does have opposable thumbs.
:)
Pretty sure the management is not going to renew my contract. Any ideas who might be interested ?
[becks] I find this is the best posture to prevent getting your balls kicked in…
[brown] And what should I do to protect my Balls ?
[becks] Fuck all !
My last fake tan was a nightmare……. they left a large orange spot on my forehead.
Becks, you grip their balls like this and then squeeze and twist them.
Not a caption, but is it me or has Beckham shat on his chair?
And David Beckham is definitely giving Brown the ‘What the fuck is he talking about’ look.
‘You’re delusional if you think anyone likes you for the real you. So, when it’s all over, it’s good at least some of us can still rely on our record and our friends, eh, David?’
I know it smells in here, I’ sitting in it.
I thought Sven was shit at running things, but boy are you fucking useless you one eyed jock twat.
Brilliant.
You see, David, I know a lot about Balls and where to put them.
I’ve got some dirt on Stevie G’s wife, if you want to secure your place in the team
David’s interview to be the new Chancellor of the Exchequer seemed to be going well
do you fancy a cabinet post david?
If we both swapped roles would anyone notice…..? We’re both well past our sell by dates, hanging on purely to set meaningless records, have wives who would prefer not to be seen with us, work with teams who are frankly an embarrasement when representing their country and we both know a thing or two about ball[s] control. Perfect!
Gordon Brrown: Help me doctor. Everytime I look in the mirror I get aroused.
Doctor Beckham (for it is he): I’m not surprised, you’re a c*nt
Gordon we all have our crosses to bear, I fucked posh and you fucked the country.
BROWN: “Yes I have saved the World, and now i will save Newcastle”.!
‘ No David, it’s 50% income tax on £150,000 a YEAR not a week. I think you and Victoria will still just about be able to manage’
Saw this on another site
SIGN IN A STORE WINDOW.
‘WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH
1000 AL QAEDA TERRORISTS THAN WITH
ONE SINGLE BRITISH SOLDIER!’
This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in CAMPBELTOWN, SCOTLAND.
You are probably outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory statement?
However, what about us being a society which holds Freedom of Speech as perhaps our greatest liberty -
After all, it is ONLY A SIGN ?
You may say. ‘What kind of business would dare to post such a sign?’
A FUNERAL PARLOUR
(WHO SAID MORTICIANS HAD NO SENSE OF HUMOUR?)
Say whatever you like Brown just don’t wish me luck in my next match.
I need your wife to go to Africa to show the starving millions that they CAN live for weeks at a time without eating any food.
And cause I was a gazillionaire, and I liked doin it so much, I cut that grass for free.
175billion you say, cant you just chip n pin it.
I know I last had my moral compass in the cottages in Heaven… could you take that Spice Girl with you as cover to and go look for it, David?
shall i bum him with the broom
“Ok that’s the end of the interview Mr. McTwat. You didn’t get the job – I need an assistant boot cleaner before June 2010″
Is your career at the highest level over
no, it wasn’t that kind of cock-up, David
…and Lord Beckham will begin his role as minister for education …
ill assault him when his back is turned
maybe i can dress up like a storm trooper and do him like a newspaper vendor
I bet your penis isn’t this long Goldenballs…
Brown: I have brought you here today as I have heard on the grapevine that you were looking for a Jock Twat
Beckham: No Gordon, I said jock strap
If you’re bored check out the
meaning of the surname Hoon.
DB – “Victoria reckons I’m hung like a donkey!”
GB – “Well, what do you reckon she’d think of this then”….exposes nether regions
DB- “Pretty much donkey all over, except for the small Balls…”
GB – “What about the prick…?”
DB – “Certainly big but definitely useless..”
Brown: Tony had football for the photo-ops, what can I do?
Becks: Try golf – you’ve got a handicap and can dribble in the bogies.
“Then Guido got the emails and now we are fucked …totally fucked.”
PM:” As you earn more than 150K David you’ll be paying 50% top rate income tax..”
DB: ” I’m sure my advisors will find a way to bend the rules…”
well.. only two of us left for the Calvin Klein underwear campaign audition .. do you feel lucky?
Alistair read it exactly as you wrote it, David – word for word.
GB It’s about Balls David, I’m never sure what to do.
DB Well as you know, I can stick one on a sixpence fro 50 yards
GB Not a f*ckin football, Ed Balls, Ed
DB Oh.. I’ve never been good with me head, ask Alex
Oi Beckham give me head.
I’m sitting like this because I’ve got a lob on.
Go on, give us a kiss you know I want you.
So when you’d been rumbled in this country Dave, your agent found it easy to get you work abroad…….got his number on you by any chance?
spend it like beckham
Back of the net
Coming soon to ITV…..”Celebrity Has-Beens”
David, could you lend me one of your caps….. I need something in my hand when I go the IMF
Becks- Excuse me for asking Mr PM but what is that globular copper object by your left knee ?
McHoon – Och, its something Mandy brort in for those post cabinairt sessions.
He also likes that elabrutt corper object behind yer shoulder
– takes a lort o’ cleanin’ though.
“Is it true Posh takes up the arse? Sarah does”
“God, Peter’s going to be jealous”
I see Madame Tussauds has been rearranging the dummies again. Beckham next to that appalling old waxwork…
Probably done to death but what about “Spend it like Gordon” or even “Bent tit like Gordon”………..
I’ll get my coat!
Our Left wing and our Right wing…….. both fucking useless!
“David, I have more in common with you than you think – we’re both past it and we both have 10 Hoons working with us who get fucked every week”
“Tell me – how can I be as popular as you?”
“Well David, first you end boom and bust….”
—————————————————————–
“So when are England next playing at Wembley? I thought I’d…”
“Please, don’t.”
“Where have my golden balls gone?”
“I sold them at the bottom of the gold ball market”
Becks realised that he had thought it was about going to a Gordon Banks party.
Brown: …and bust is the part where everything flatlines.
Becks: Like Posh’s tits you mean?
“David, you’re great at taking corners”
“Gordon, you’re great at cutting them!”
“Dave I hear you once got caught doing something naughty with Loos – funny that, Mandy got caught doing something naughty IN them”
On a similar note….
“David, I heard Mandy saying you’re great at finding yourself in space and drilling it home.”
“Nah, he was talking about himself. But he said Spacey.”
When I was a wee lad….
Then you open your hands like this and hey presto the bogey has disappeared
“David, why do they call your piggy wife Posh, I’ve seen classier birds in the Tesco checkout”
joke (c) Viz ;-)
“Dave, wait til you meet my new policy adviser, Tim Ireland”
“David, wait til you meet my new adviser – T.im I.reland”
“Why do they call your wife Posh? I’ve seen classier birds in the Tesco checkout”
Chuckled at some, laughed at others. A lot of piss poor attempts, bit like free kicks from the ex maestro.
Fun way to waste 30 minutes or so.
It started in America
[brown "How does it feel knowing your best years are behind you ?"
together..
[beckham] “How does it feel knowing your best years are behind you ?”
Brown to Beckham:
“Fancy being the Chancellor?”
If we sit here and keep farting, maybe the fire will pick up
“And I ran round the back of this Brazilian and slotted it home”
“Really, Gordon?”
Down to half a glass of water. What’s happened to the Champagne and caviar.
Just hang on David wait till the photographers have gone
“Gordon mate, you have to be careful playing football, it might take your fucking eye out”
Becks: “you wanna borrow HOW much??”
No dosh and Becks
Becks: Ed Balls? not my strong point really.
Twat: Same here.
Lend us a few Quid Dave I’m fucking skint
Nice fireplace, PM.
Yes, David, would you like to stoke it?
DB where the fuck did he get that suit & while we are at it what the hell is he talking about – quantitative easing – what’s that – man
GB if I sit here nice & quiet I wonder how long I can hold my breath for
David, I’m thinking about a new career. Do you think football management would suit me? Maybe I could take over from Fergie – people might like me then……………………………..
“have you seen my perspex butt plug anywhere Dave”
Make sure that Hoon Guido doesn’t get a copy of this photo!
“And David, I rode the rocking horse like THIS”
“Dave, I tell you it’s hard to be with a woman you don’t fancy and never loved. Not that you would know, would you….. ?”
“Fergie once buried a shoe in your head didnt he? That’s nothing, I buried Dr David Kelly”
“OK Gordon let’s try again. The glass of water is a defender and I’ve just passed you the ball. Now are you off-side or not?”
“David, as I’ve made very clear, it’s a ‘global’ problem, so I can’t be expected to take responsibility for it!”
DB. Would you say that this glass of water was half full or half empty Prime Minister.
GB. God David your eyesight must be worse than mine……it’s fucking brimming over
“Big Jackie’s husband said he saw a film which showed you’re good in the tackle.”
Brown: “…..so I used to put two house bricks and six empty lager cans in a carrier bag.”
Becks: “Tight-arsed tw*t”
Becks… He’s buggered up the camel castration joke again.
David: ‘I don’t think even signing for AC Milan could make you last until 2010′
Becks: “You’re wearing a West Ham colours tie”
P. Mentalist: “Och yes, I thought Iain Dale might like it… he seems to be a bit upset since we called him racist”
Please tell me David, how do hedgehogs fuck?
Like this Prime Minister.
I’ll say a prayer for you, if you’ll say a prayer for me.
Bend it, Becks!
I can put so much spin on that ball that it boomerangs right back into my own goal!
Broon “I’m hip and down with the kids. Now Mr Rooney, would you like to listen to the Antarctic Monkeys on my Walkman?”
Beckham (thinking) “Bloody ‘ell, he hasn’t moved in the last 20 minutes – should I let myself out?”
“…ever been in a Turkish prison, David?”
That’s a fucking winner!
Becks:- My autograph? Yes, if I could borrow your crayon. I forgot you were not allowed to use a pen.
Broon “You know what motivates me, David? My hatred for those posh tits opposite me”
Beckham “Yeah, I told Victoria not to have that boob job”.
Becks: What was the last thing you fucked?
Brown: The country
TRANSGORDON
more than meets the eye.
Becks; You really scored at the Cottage mate? You mean you actually scored a goal at Fulham?
Nice one, son.
Do you like my commode, Wayne? Jane Goody didn’t need it any more.
PM: “Your glass is half full David.”
Becks: “You won’t even have a glass for 23 years. And don’t think I’m coming back to Britain to help you out by paying 50% tax.”
Each off them at the same time:
“I understand you’re coming to the end of your career’
or alternatively:
Beckham: “I couldn’t get my darling to set a half reasonable fucking budget either”
”I just do not know what it is David, for the life of me i cannot bend it like you do”
Visit my blog for political ramblings and what-not.
http://www.richard-wilkins.blogspot.com
Thanks.
Becks: Did you have to throw that glass?
“Okay, Sir David, you get me photographed with Brad, Angelina, Tom and Katie and Victoria can be ambassador in Washington.
And fix it for Tom Hanks to play me in “G20 – Gordon Saves the World” and you get a bigger statue than Bobby at Wembley.”
Gordon. I understand how frustrating it is that nobody will believe you. Take a tip from me and get in touch with Rebecca Loos…she’ll swallow anything!
Brown says ” the country is up the creek David, and I haven’t got a clue what to do about it. I need to find someone a bit smarter than me to sort it out, so any ideas mate ?
Do you know if there’s still any way I can go to America and make lots of money like you and Tony did?
Mr Beckham does seem to be displaying the Obama body language.
Its screams
“Why is this gurning freak leaning into my personal space?”
McMental is definately a submissive homosexual with a penis obsession.
I can confidently state this as fact having studied Psychotherapy in (not at )Clerkenwell .
The local Indian newsagent sold me a PHD for £25
Hoon still short changed me
“I’m sorry you had to see that outburst. He’ll be fine once they prise the Nokia from his head. Now do carry on, you was telling about the moment you finally realised Alex was a bullying piece of shit”
Brown: I drunk the bottle of brandy,picked up the revolver, aimed it to my head, shot ……and then missed.
Beckham: Er, was it a penalty shoot-out?
Brown: I’m a mendacious, one eyed Hoon.
Becks: I am adored by millions.
Paul Pinfield: I am very very angry…
Gordon Brown says to the press
“it maybe that nobody bends a shot like beckham, but when it comes to the truth nobody bends it like I do, OK, except Alistair Darling that is!”
DB I’ve signed the petition for you to fuck off….Why are still here?
GB Because everybody is wrong and I am right.
DB Ass-hole!
Why oh why did Blair have to resign
GB: Are your hands stuck together because of al the dried snot you eat too?
“Blah Global Blah Global Blah Global Global”
Beckham: “Have you ever tried a few benders out yourself PM?”
Snot: “Stop reading that Guido Fawkes blog, it’s all rumours”
Beckham: “At least we have one thing in common, both are careers are fucked because of America”
So, Gordon, let me just repeat what you’re – you know – asking of me.
Its the 91st minute of your losing prime ministerial game – and you want me to deliver for you one of – you know – my killer free kicks that will rescue you and make Cameron go and play the loser’s match with Ukraine.
You know what? – Gime 10 billion an’ I’ll fink about it.
GB….can i ask berlesconi if he will offer you a permanet job?………..i was going to ask you the same thing becks!!!
Gordon – I’m feeling totally low David. I don’t know which way to turn. Do you have any sound advice for me?
David – I’ve had my fill of scotsmen like you Gordon. You’re all hoon’s. Ferguson threw a boot at me and nearly ruined my beautiful looks. You’re the ugliest one eyed bugger I’ve ever seen so chucking anything at you won’t make much difference will it?
“No David, I said could you rub your fame off on me”
Well David, I know it’s a lot to ask what with our team being deducted 10 points for being insolvent and soon to be relegated but I had a deadly striker called Mcbride who always wore the no 10 shirt for me who was shown the red card for ungentlemanly behavior last week. If you agreed to take his place I can sort you a second home allowance for Milan and I will throw in a free bath plug. How about it??
Brown: “I’m in shit creek. Tell me, how do I get myself out of this hole?”
Beckham: “Do what I do, Give Balls a good kicking!”
‘Dumb and dumber’
Broon: They think it’s all over.
Becks: Aye, it’s all over th’noo.
well dave he said
“Keep an eye on the ba’” then the bastard kicked me.
Rock suckin scotch runt
Beckham kicks but Gordon saves.
Always thought Beckham was thick – now we have the proof!
“I’m guaranteeed the knighthood for sitting with this fuckwit for 5 minutes, right?”
“Yeah, I remember that Lionel Blair, he was quality. Now how much did you say wanted to borrow?”
Brown finally finds a right winger worth talking to.
Dickhead.
Q.E.D.
Q.E.D.
Beckham is thinking: “We’ve been sat here for 45 minutes and neither of us has spoken, shall I tell him there is shit seeping out the back of his nappy?”
“What’s the golden rule?”
“Blame it on America?”
“No, f*** the economy before the tories get in”
Oh, yeah … telling me how he had to let McBride go “on a free” and never ever told him to make any bad tackles.
Yes, David your money will be safe in UK Ltd., it’s a once in a lifetime investment opportunity. But you should always remember the value of your investment can significantly increase but can also go down.
“A mohican? No – that wasn’t quite the image change I had in mind.”
do you really think it would work if l got a tattoo like yours at the back of my neck people would think of me as kind of with ‘ it ‘ instead of without ‘ it ‘
No Gord,get one on your forehead with ‘Hoon’
so nobody forgets !
I prefer to grab Mandy’s cock with my fingers splayed out like this.
Thats enough about my aftershave gordon,
when are you going to fuck off ??
So you recommend the Brazilian wax then?
Version 2:
OK, you recommend the Brazilan wax, but does it work on arseholes?
(”Gordon is a moron gordon is a moron gordon is a moron——————————————–)
No fire & a glass of fuckin’ water !things must be bad !
Gordon: So tell me Michael, has it been hard fighting in Afghanistan?
Becks: George, I’ll tell you straight, I don’t know nuffing about this Stan. Who is effing Stan? I ain’t been fighting no effing Stan.
Gordon: It started in America.
Becks: A merry car. A funny car. Any sort of jam jar. It don’t matter to me what type of car this effing Stan started this effing fight. I don’t effing know effing eff about it.
Gordon: It’s global
Becks: Well it ain’t ffs football! Eff off you old poof.
gb – “What will it take for the public to admire me as much as they do you david”?
Db – Off the cuff Gormless approximately 3 feet of Manila hemp and a six foot drop should do it.
Now how much loose change for a knighthood?
Im a NON-DOM why are you speaking to me for christ sake I dont even pay national insurance, Im not giving a penny to the english public eef off
Beckham: Why does the fucking nutter always sit next me?
Gordon: How do I know that you’re not an impostor?
David: There’s nothing wrong with my posture!
David: Help I can’t feel my fingers. Get me out of this handlock!
Gordon: See David – how I have to keep saving people!
Beckham notices Prime Idiot attempting to conceal involuntary erection.
Beckham: “So your neo-endogenous growth theory turned out to be bollox?”
Gawdy: I assure you David – No more boom and bust was not made in reference to Posh’s lack of tits. She’s a braw lassie – really!
Dave: So now you think she’s a dog!
GOLDEN BALLS AND GOLDEN BALLS-UP!
“So David, you were at Man U. What is it like for a Scotsman to take charge od anything and actually be popular or successful?”
Brown: “I usually just kick it into the long grass….”
One-eyed Scottish Idiot:
Dearie me, I was trying to slip a silent one out, and I think I have followed through!
David says, It’s one eye one the ball the the other on the goal not one on the pot the other up the chimney
I can’t David, the Met upped the armour plate to six inches and we can’t get the doors open.
Brown: “I ‘eard ya missus takes it up ‘er arse”
Becks: “That’s funny, I heard your Darling does too”
Beckham thinking Blair has aged.
Careful pictographic analysis indicates that in this scenario of pose-imitative behaviour – note the parted legs and clasped together hands held out in front – indicates that in this picture the alpha-male or silverback gorilla is indeed our Prime Mentalist (PM) and evidence for this may be adduced by the following key pointers:
- gaze into the middle distance while the footballer-johnny (fj) looks at the alpha-male with a certain amount of trepidation whereas PM is magisterially visionary
- longer, pointy tie extending to below the belt worn by the PM while the fj’s tie is no longer visible below the point where the jacket is buttoned up
- thumb pointing up from the clasped hand of the PM whereas fj has hands firmly together
All in all, a very picture of male bonding patterns.
Additional research by noted psychoterpist Dr Derek Draper
Additional research by noted psychotherapist Dr Derek Draper NABIB*
(*Not at Berkley in Berkley)
ITS UNCANNY BRO! EVEN THE DODGY MINCE PIE,
DEAD RINGER FOR GORDON BANKS!
So when do we tell the country that you should never look at the mantlepiece when you’re stuffing the country ?
Brown to Becks.
You any good at kicking Balls
I hate little Nepalese people?
I thought I was having lunch with the Prime Minister! Who is this annoying scottish git? Looks like a sack of shit in a cheap suit to me!!!
“It’s no good David, I still don’t understand quantitative easing”
So your off now…Monaco or Switzerland?
Do you know a good foundation cream? I need some makeup for my video about MP’s expenses. You know, like Tony always had. Plaster it on.
Brown’s thinking: Who the fuck is this matey?
And Beckham’s thinking: Who the fuck is this matey?
I have just signed this but it has occuered to me is that not treason or do’s that only apply to the Queen?
Does Brown expect the Beckhams to stay in the UK when faced with a 50% income tax ? No way, they will just form another company or reside outside the UK like many others.
tell us another one. just like the other one…..you know what i mean
I just don’t have the balls anymore
“It’s been a Premiership of two halves.”
“I only seem to score own goals these days”
With your right foot and my left eye we could play a blinder.