Sunday Sleaze Porno Special
To err is human, to charge it to the taxpayers is to steal to fund your vice.
Jacqui Smith’s husband Richard Timney – who she pays £40,000 a year out of parliamentary expenses – is exposed in the Sunday Express for charging his porno-on-demand subscription to the taxpayer.
He gets to watch the money shots and we pay for his cheap thrills. What possible explanation is there for charging this to the taxpayer? Guido would like to hear Richard Timney justify his state subsidised w***ing.
Meanwhile Nigel Griffiths it seems was less than honest in explaining to the News of the World his very own pornographic photo-shoot in his office when he claimed to them that their story was “Absolutely groundless! Fabricated evidence! You must have some fabricated evidence! Outrageous! Absolutely outrageous!”
The News of the Screws mock his lawyer’s claims:
Incredibly 53-year-old Griffiths wants you to believe he has “little recollection” of spending 38 minutes taking 27 explicit images of a woman spreadeagled across the furniture of his ground floor Commons office, just yards from the Prime Minister’s own Commons office.
It was such an unmemorable sex session that he also apparently barely remembers, just half hour later, spending another hour and 40 minutes taking a futher 44 pictures at a second location.
On Friday Griffiths’ lawyer David Price blamed the MP’s loss of memory about the Remembrance Day romp on being “under the influence of alcohol”. But at one point he had recollected enough to create the time to transfer those 71 snaps from his camera to his laptop.
Remember that his Remembrance Day Frolic took place in his office paid for by the taxpayers, then went on to presumably his flat, also paid for by the taxpayers. Far from it being a drunken and forgotten frolic it turns out that he took the deliberate trouble to ensure he would not forget, by uploading the pictures to his laptop – a laptop computer also paid for by the taxpayers out of his parliamentary expenses. Presumably this would be so he would be able to reminisce over the 27 photos and later he too could enjoy a state subsidised w**k over the memory.
In other news Lord Myners, the minister responsible for cracking down on tax havens, has assets hidden in offshore tax havens. No porn involved this time, but he is still a w****er.
I think if I was married to Jacqui I would need a porno film to get it up…
Yep – a lot more than £10 worth. Of course she won’t resign – they have no shame.
One can only guess at what they were watching?
Last Tango in Redditch
Come again Mandy
Flesh Gordon
…and with Jacqui living with her mum all the time and all, it looks like hand relief at the taxpayers expense was the only perceived option.
Haven’t these hoons heard of torrent technology?
Well as Broon hasn’t even got a multi region dvd player – how could any NuLab freak have heard of torrents?
Anyway isn’t the NuLab line – file sharing funds terrorism?
Can’t see the problem myself, I’m sure looking at bleary eyed Five Bellies first thing in the morning would get me to attention and ready to give her lush kebab the juicing it so richly deserves.
wan chilli sawce wi that m8?
Fucking hell I nearly threw up into my cup of tea
god I can just imagine her standing there with thousands of rouge hairs poking out the sides of her knickers. While her tits point straight at the ground and her belly button is concealed under the rolls of fat.
for those of you reading this who think it’s far too personal, I’m paying for her, her husband, her main residence, her constituency house……….. she’s the one taking the piss out of me!
Porno-on-demand should be given free to any husband of a British female Politician – along with a complimentary hooker & a massage therapist.
You can’t blame the poor sod if you click on the link below – they’re all lookers.
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/03/25/article-1164890-0418225B000005DC-841_634×414.jpg
(Sorry lads if you were having breakfast).
Christ, did you have to do that!!!? What an ugly bunch of busted sofas…
Ladbrokes spokesman: “Out of nowhere Daniel Hannan has become the hottest thing in politics since Jacqui Smith’s film collection”
Unless he really, really loves her and missed her so much he was watching ‘Fat Middle-Aged Tarts with Big Tits and No Morals’ to remind him of her.
I could understand that!
DISTRACTION ALERT>>> DISTRACTION ALERT
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/rod_liddle/article5992987.ece
You beat me to it – that was my very first thought too when I saw the headline. However, in this oh-so-PC world am I wrong to discriminate against thick fat slappers like our Second Home Secretary Spliff?
The point is, these scumbags claim EVERYTHING and hope nobody notices
at least he’s not contaminating the gene pool
A friend of mine suggested a name for this scandal “Mastergate”
Will having a “Rick Timmney” now take over from “J Arthur” ?
Enquiring minds need to know.
Jacqboot is finished – fancy having such a HOON for a husband. Breathtaking. It is debatable which is the greater pornography – selling sex, or selling democracy – down the river. Sack them all. Let’s have an election.
Jacqui is safe she’s taken the advice of her mate – Tessa – on how to deal with errant husbands!!!!! As well has no doubt administering a god-almighty kick to his balls first.
Addendum:
Richard – first rule – if you’re watching “porno” moves- Don’t charge it to your wife’s account. It tends to make things a little fraught around the home notwithstanding the self-gratification gained as the “Mrs” tends NOT to like her husband watching porno movies on the family TV
..or rather you watching them on your own…
was she really away when he watched them?
Ah – so no actual ‘fucking’ took place in this ’sex romp’ ??
More accurately it would be described as a ‘lingerie photo shoot’ ??
Nothing to see here – move along now…
A chum mentioned that his buddy got booted out of his ol’ dear’s house for popping on the grumble after a night on the beers and fell asleep with pants round ankles but -
To have a shandy in a national newspaper – OMFG – ‘the horror, the horror’.
The Tesco bag and Satsuma still wins but Timney’s in a strong runner up position. Fantastic and completely avoidable.
I went on a stag do to Munich a couple of years back and got to hotel checkout 1st – obviously really pretty girl on reception, obviously. So I kind of whispered ‘err…and I owe you for some err..telly as well’. Then waiting in reception all 12 or so of us, including father and father in law ‘ err… and telly as well’. Standard operating procedure – pay in cash, not on the bill, they’re never gonna see you again – unbelievable.
A
And as if ‘Savior’ Brown hasn’t got enough to worry about what with this and his local building society going belly-up – his grand ’sermon on the mount’ lovefest scheduled for next week is being ‘pooped on, by the bloody Germans!
….and by the Aussie PM!
I’m just waiting for that ‘full confidence’ kiss of death from Gorgon…
But Harriet Harman will be over-joyed this morning. Every problem is an opportunity.
Every time someone else stumbles, it brings her further to the fore.
It could soon be time for her to ‘break cover’…
Harpric Hatepeople now that’s a certain vote winner, four more years!
Perhaps she really _is_ a good old classical liberal deep-cover-agent….
…but I doubt it.
http://libertarianalliance.wordpress.com/2009/03/27/is-harriet-harman-a-concealed-classical-liberal-after-all/
I rather like the idea of a state subsidised wank. Any chance of getting one off the NHS?
You should be in France. They pay for all sorts of strange and wonderful therapies..
SO TRUE
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/mar/26/france-postnatal-care-sexual-health
Not sure about the NHS but if u go private the nurse may throw in a blow job !
But this wasn’t ‘hardcore’ stuff – so surely Richard Desmond will be disappointed that he isn’t getting his own ‘porno empire’ bailout from taxpayer funds ??
He appears to be holding a Kleenex ready.
Zometimes a Kleenex is jus a Kleenex
Porn name generator
http://gangstaname.com/porn_name.php
Jaqui Smith – Sandy Stroker
Gordon Brown – Humpy Rammer
David Milliband – BJ Maxim
Derek Draper – Sweet jam
Ed Milliband – Ron Strokum
Alistair Darling – Javier Phukzalot
Douglas Alexander – Dr Nut
Hazel Blears – Slappy Stroker
Andy Burnham – Uncle Nekkid, D.D.S.
Geoff Hoon – Geoff Hoon
youe are awful- but i like you!
Harriet Harperson – Sindy Darkholer
Lord Mandelson – Mister Bendover
Old name: gordon james brown
I now dub you:
Ron Darkholer
Old name: peter mandelson
I now dub you:
Orel Hump
umm… shows promise
Yes, but let us not forget that the taxpayer is, quite rightly, helping to fund arthouse ‘18′ certificate cinema which wouldn’t get a distribution deal from a ‘Hollywood’ studio, as they are too interested in producing mass produced shite for the brainless masses.
Jacqui Smith Rocks !!
I’m sorry I’m looking at this on a small screen, is he actually having a wank in that picture?
it makes a change. we gave him one off the wrist and it only cost us a tenner, they usually shaft us big time
what a tosser!!
Foreign Agent Miliband and the shrieking Balls bag both singing from the same sheet on different channels about the C in C of the NuLab Home Guard this morning.
Do we need 60,000 Pte Godfreys? Or is the entire exercise just to free up bandwidth for the Porn of State?
No mention of what this herberts taste in porn is then?
I think we should be told.
I don’t really want to know. Getting married to Smith takes a braver man than I
Probably camels!!
They behave like this with no thought because there’s so much of it going on,I believe they take the piss to such an extent it’s never even concidered,what do they get away with without challenge?Is there a case for charging for a hooker when the missus is working away,man cannot live on bread alone.
If this government was a pet we would all, by now, have agreed that putting it out of its misery would be kinder then let it continue to suffer.
From Stalin to Mr Bean to Carry On Emmanuelle.
:)
But this woman is not his ‘mistress’ she is just a ‘trollope’ acting on the agency of the News Of The World. Unless she is an agent acting on the instructions of a foreign power, then there is nothing to see here..
Off fuck! Please!
A review of John Lyon and his post of Parliamentary Standards Commissioner needs to be undertaken. He is the person who okays MPs’ expenses.
All you need to know about this Government stooge is here. No surprise they were so keen to appoint him.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1165573/113-allegations-MPs–resolved-invisible-ombudsman.html
I hear Griffiths is putting in an expenses claim for filming his antics in the House of Commons on account that Jacqui asked him to do it for Richard.
Perhaps the ‘Smiths’ watched it together? They say female pigs orgasm for one hour. With the help of porn and rolling around on wads of our money perhaps snout in the trough Jacqui mimics the animal in this way too?
Me and My Kermie can go at it for hours!!
How much longer are we going to have to wait before having the opportunity to defenestrate the mendacious Brown and his loathsome, sleaze ridden sycophants?
‘State-subsidised wanking.’ A Classic! This is so fucking funny it hurts! I can’t wait to see what Dolly’s little helpers make of that.
Actually, I’m ‘intensely relaxed’ about Griffiths’ antics. After all, it is not being suggested that he paid for the bint out public money, just that he used his parliamentary offices as the venue for his romps. There is no additional cost to the taxpayer for this, as we pay for the costs his office regardless. Some might argue that by romping while at work Griffiths’ has stolen time paid for from the public purse. I respectfully disagree. The more work time Labour politicians spend shagging their secretaries or the odd slapper the less time there is for them to fuck over the rest of us. That’s a good deal in my book.
The Jackie Smith porn thing is far more serious. This is fiddling additional money for private benefit based on a dodgy expense claim. Anyone know the name of the film or the porn channel involved? Once a politician becomes an object of ridicule, he or she is finished.
Bye Jackie, don’t let the door hit your fat arse on the way out.
Guido, it looks like he is having a j arthur rank in that photo and mopping it up with a wad of our money.
Historical note: Jack Gold’s 1968 movie ‘The Bofors Gun’ was banned from Odeon cinemas because one of the characters referred to having a ‘J Arthur Rank’. The price of liberty is eternal vigilance.
I’m going to have a word with my accountant tomorrow. Perhaps we could look at the possibility of claiming tax relief (as well as any other kind) on porn in this year’s tax return. Not that I would have any to claim. No. Well, not much anyway.
Is that “Roll Over Relief” you’re referring to. A bit of that and some “Double Dip” ad you’ll be a new person!
I spend my lonely weeks in London
Working for Gordon Brown
And crash out on my sister’s floor
Just as the sun goes down
On Friday nights I head back home,
My second home that is,
To spend some time with my true love
And get some married bliss
Dick’s waiting for me in Redditch,
Get me there driver soon
I want to lie in his strong arms
And go into a swoon
I want to collect his DNA
For my own database
I want to open my bursting blouse
And thrust them in his face
On Friday night when I got home
My second home that is,
Dick said he was all shagged out
And just gave me a kiss
On that fateful Sunday morning,
I read it in the press
Dick’s been watching some dirty films
And got us in a mess
It seems he’s been paying five quid
For “Dirty Debutantes”
Despite what’s bursting from my blouse
It’s not me that he wants
No Tarantino, no Scorsese,
No Bergmann, no Kubrick
You can’t beat old J Arthur
Says naughty, naughty Dick
Now I’m the two homes secretary
And hold the highest rank
But Dick he isn’t that impressed
He’d rather have a wank
Another Monday morning dawns
I’m heading back to town
The saddest thing is that I’ll be
Working for Gordon Brown
Oh Dick! Oh Dick! You stupid prick
I don’t mind pay to view
But you claimed it on expenses
And gave the press their cue
Next Friday when I come back home
My second home that is
I’ll be expecting rather more
Than just a friendly kiss
Expecting more than a friendly kiss, aye, but I’d steer clear of offering a pearl necklace by way of an apology
That is class – bookmarked.
Well done Sir Anon
You’re too kind. I think it should be “No Coppola, no Scorcese” because Tarantino doesn’t scan.
Pam Heirs
Well done, Andrew Motion. You really can knock them out to order, can’t you?
I’d rather read one of your outstanding contributions than the cartoon on a Monday morning.
The weekends are brimming with rich possibilities.
And here was me thinking that there was bugger all happening in politics last weekend. Just like buses.
Just like Mr Jacquiboots then!
That is the most brilliant poem that I almost have ever read. Well done Anonymous, you should be made Poet Homesecretaryate. Write on……
Calm down everyone.
Richard Timney was simply engaged on researching the effects on a middle aged man’s libido during a wife’s absence on important state business.
That this important and meaningful investigation should not be be an allowable expense is petty minded in the extreme.
There are more important matters to be debated in this auspicious week when PM Brown will initiate his bold strategy to turn around the global economy.
Lets get our priorities in order, please.
Mr Timney was merely raising the profile of prostate gland health via a regular “workout”.
The Melbourne Cancer Council research as a lot to answer for.
She’s just blaming it on Hubby. It’s ‘er wot watched ‘em! have a go at my caption comp, Guido!
Watched a very enjoyable West Wing last night, in which there was some discussion as to how the drafters of the constitution used their experience of English politics, where power had corrupted and absolute power had absolutely corrupted, to introduce plenty of checks and balances into the fledgling US political system in an attempt to avoid all the shennanigans they were seeing in the Old Country. Yanquis to whom I have spoken on the subject are constantly amazed as to the extraordinary power wielded by the UK Prime Minister, and are astounded when the hear that one can get into this pole position without any form of direct public approval or vote.
Currently reading The American System of Government by Ernest Griffith, well worth looking for on eBay.
Long live Locke!
Jacqui’s main home (the one where she has her box room ) is in Nunhead, whilst Dick is at home in Redditch getting no head – so we pay for the hand job.
Looks like steps are already being taken to prevent our honounrable, ahem, members from engaging in a Jodrell in the parliamentary office:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/7965592.stm
Does anyone actually know what films Mr Smith was watching? I’ve got a fiver each way on ‘Butch Lesbian and the Labpdance Kid’.
Biometric Buttplug Bitches and Fill My Doner-I’ve Done Nothing Wrong?
Spliffy says that she wasn’t at home.
Whilst I’ve never actually paid (nor claimed on expenses) for an adult film, I do wonder if it’s possible to record these for later viewing.
Sky/Virgin + or whatever.
SO, whilst Spliffy may be claiming all innocence…I do wonder.
Now then, on to more important things…
Have I mentioned that I may have sorted out Mrs Dolly overf the bonnet of my car when I was 17??? :-)
Not over the bonnet no. Enduring image tho…!!!
Triumph Spitfire….
Yes, but do feel free to regale us all again.
Got to go shopping..will do later.
have a good weekend you lot.
EXCEPT Hymen Prick…you complete Cant!
A Spit is the ideal motor car for this sort of application, having little girth and some springy give in the metalwork too.
TT..agreed.
Don’t forget that with the top down (on the car) you can grab the top of the windscreen to give yourself extra purchase!!!
It has now been established that the so called “porn channels” he was watching were in fact videos of other nations’ female politicians.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1164890/Oh-Yes-Minister-Meet-women-voted-worlds-stunning-politicians-WOULD-Sir-Humphrey-say–.html
Can you blame him ?
Alan Douglas
Like that French one featured here the other day? Or the Italian porn star who went into politics…Sarah Palin??
All pretty worthy of a five knuckle shuffle I say, I’d shoot my beans over them any day.
Scroll to end to the pix of “Look who didn’t make the Cut” …. says it all really.
HAHAHAHH
The stuff of nightmares.
Hasn’t he heard of PornHub!
Why waste money on the soft-core shite on TV?
Yer, – but yer gotta pity the poor bastard ain’t ja?
Only chips to eat at home, and 32AA to fondle.
And a bulging – wots that thing called wot men hav?
Wait a mo – ain’t he been seen-to by HarPerson and her lesbo crones – and given ‘feminine sensitivity’ sessions?
As fer chargin it up to the sheeple, – well, they are the gummunt, – innit?
Oi – Guido! – wot yer meen ’slow darn’ – oi can’t not go no slower!!
The Hon. Member for Buttkiss says:
March 29, 2009 at 9:22 am
Jacqboot is finished – fancy having such a HOON for a husband. Breathtaking. It is debatable which is the greater pornography – selling sex, or selling democracy – down the river. Sack them all. Let’s have an election.
Probably what her hubby keeps telling her!
Yes, it’s the R word.
I have heard or seen nothing which requires my attention, thank you.
I notice that even his lower-rated film, Oceans 13, features a character called Willy Bank.
Ms Smith is also said to have given her husband a “real ear-bashing”. Did he pay extra for this?
Oh come along now, what is the problem here ??
I am currently on Job Seekers’ Allowance, even though I have a shovel full of cash in my ISA. And I go and see ‘art’ on stage and screen, thus helping the economy.
I mean, if Jacqui Smith’s hubby wasn’t watching risque films on the fibre-optic cable then there would have to be some other means of taxing the ill-gotten gains of rich people to oil the wheels of the economy, and limit the huge income and wealth disparity in society at the moment, no ??
You stupid fuckers think that people should be allowed to hoover up as much cash as you can, with not a thought to the welfare of other people, without buying ‘fairtrade’ products, and not share that wealth with others a lot less fortunate than yourselves.
What bollocks that is !! The money re-distributed to pensioners and people on Job Seekers’ Allowance like me isn’t squirrelled away [well, apart from the cash in my ISA, natch, and my house equity] but spent on the economy and thence to the hands of another, like the artists and actors in my local cinema and theatre.
That’s no lady. That’s the ghost of Stephen Milligan.
They really do just wank over us all!
Pretty soon we are going to start hearing a lot about changing the way MP’s claim expenses and allowances.
These changes will need to be pretty far reaching and very proactive in saving the taxpayer from those MP’s that still think the UK taxpayer owes them a living.
Only Transparent Affordable and Justifiable in relation to met targets will pass muster if Westminster hopes to retain any semblance of credibility.
Its time the Taxpayer set their standards and targets
Clearly they can’t be trusted themselves!
Is this not proof positive that the Home secretary only spends two nights a week away from home?
HAR! What a great way to start BST! I almost feel sorry for him. Who wants a lecture from Frau Jacqui Schimitt on the perils of wanking.
ME! ME! ME!
But first I would need to know how to do it!
Will she show me? Please – oh please Sir – ME ME ME!
LET ME!!
Can we be sure it wasn’t Jacqui who ordered the porn? After all she’s the one in the photo squinting in the glasses??
Bang on there…she is the one that looks like the Japanese sniper!
Japanese sniper – LMFAO!!!!
I assume that the Sunday Mail have a stooge in the photocopying room where 1m MP receipts are being censored.
I wonder what else will cum there way ?!
I do believe this is a – a – a – one o’ them arty farty still loif things – loik a cameo – tableu sort a fing.
Nah – nuffin ‘appens – there’s no exchange of bodily fluids involved – ova wise St Patsy of EwaTit ‘n Mzz. Tess of the Jowell ‘n ‘elf ‘n saftey would hav to be inovlved – innit?
Who pays for the Kleenex by the way? To wipe away the tears – or smears – of joy?
Old-Noo (nee NooOld GrinningBoringLiars) – Bringing Kul-cha to yer doorstep
Not only … but also …
Harry Cohen, Jacqui Lait, Bob Neill, Tony McNulty, Adam Ingram, John Reid, Alan Milburn and David Blunkett.
Step forward Mr John Lyon, the independent Parliamentary Commissioner for Standards, and do your job. The blood pressure of The man on the Clapham Omnibus is rising.
The 1 April was a Tuesday but 6 April was a Sunday and we all know she doesn’t return to her “main residence” until Monday morning so perhaps a romantic Saturday/ Sunday night is to blame. I can’t find her diary for last year – but I’m sure someone can.
The film on 1 April was watched at 21.18 and the 6 April at 23.19pm.
Jaquboots went to bed early that Sunday night because her motorcade to Whitehall leaves early on Monday morning. After their unsatisfactory clinch the previous night, hubby tip-toed downstairs for quick hand shandy. Life is tough at the top.
Has this Hoon Timney not heard of youporn.com or red tube.com?
Plenty of free “self help” material there and its free
Yeah, and now I’m an addict thanks to you, you kunt.
Where was the porn watched, in her sister’s broom cupboard….. I mean her main residence or the other house. I’m now so confused I can’t remember which property we’re paying the useless shit for.
40/ Swiss Toni – Hilarious !!
Always had a feeling that this had a ‘marriage of convenience’ vibe about it..
Fucking wanker.
How about a competition for most self righteous and outraged comment to get posted on the Dail Mail comments section?
I’ll start with
The peddlers of this outrageous filth have clearly found a willing audience in Jacqui Smith’s husband. That he should be allowed to gorge himself on this foul pornography at the taxpayers expense is indeed an obscenity of the first order. Mail on Sunday readers will be rightly enraged that their hard earned taxes are being used to purchase such disgusting and depraved material. Thank you Mail on Sunday for such a penetrating investigation.
Not that great but it’s a start
Posted as John K, Tittinghurst, Surrey
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1165611/Blue-movies-expenses-How-Jacqui-Smiths-husband-watched-pornographic-movies–paid-taxpayer.html
A penetrating investigation?
Tittinghurst?
Fnarr Fnarr!!
I did not penetrate that woman
You are far too unkind to poor Jackboot. Whilst not the most attractive lady in the world, look at her husband. She’s far better looking than he could have realistically hoped for, and I’m sure he never expected his wife would be paying him £40k when he married a poor home ec teacher. He should be thanking his lucky stars every day, not thinking “ugh, it’s jaqui, let’s think of something else nwhilst doing it.”
(I may be slightly biased though, she’s authoritarian, has lots of power and is associated with boots… sorry, must be off to have my own wank, unfortunately not paid for by the public sector. Wonder why Ruth Kelly never wore boots…)
Credit where credit’s due – this exposé is from the Sunday Express, not the Mail on Sunday. They’ve dug up more dirt on the MP’s second homes scandal.
Quite right, corrected – can’t find the actual story on the Express website though.
I think you can only see it by registering for their i-edition.
Only mentioned on the free site as front/back page picture
This is pure Alan Partridge.
Does anybody remember the episode where the staff of his hotel bill him for watching “Bangkok Chick Boys” on his hotel television, and then he tries very hard to explain that it was an accident, and that he meant to watch “Driving Miss Daisy” instead?
I thought it was comedy, but it was actually speculative fiction; an accurate prediction of the future. And of course there is the implication that Jacqui Smith does not satisfy her husband in a carnal way, which is odd because she is actually quite attractive.
I’m sure she is if you’ve got two paper bags.
I’m confused…………..
two paper bags…
She is so ugly as a precaution you have to put one over your own head just in case her’s bursts at a moment of ‘passion’
Anon 195 – she’s a triple-bagger; one to be provided to the household pet to.
You couldn’t make this stuff up. It just gets better and better. I say “bring back public flogging and the stocks”.
Flogging, tumbrils and guillotine … better still.
Is it just me that thinks he look like Iain Dale?
What, as in he looks like an utter tosser?
OldH that’s not fair! At least Iain isn’t married to a five belly lardbucket.
To the Editor of the Redditch Chronicle (or something like that)
Dear Sir,
I would like to pay tribute to my hard working husband, Mr Richard Timney. While I shuffle round Westminster on my daily grind, I am reassured to know that he is performing diligent and strenuous enquiries into the dark world of pornography.
There will, of course, be a public consultation on just how far he should go in pursuing this labial laborious chore.
yours
J. Spliff (Mrs)
Oooops, should have been a strikethrough on ‘labial’..Just pretend there is one.
Old Holborn – Oh good grief !! No, It couldn’t be could it !! No NO !! He hasn’t been living a ’secret double life’ has he ?? NO ! He hasn’t posted on it yet so maybe the old queen has been a ‘double agent’ in the closet with Jacqui !!
No wonder he gets so many scoops !! What will his ‘missus’ say ??
Am sure the old queen will be backed up to the hilt by his ‘missus’.
shouldn’t that be
“the Old queen I am sure should be in the back and up to the hilt in his missus”
YET another example of staggering New Labour hypocrisy from the home secretary.
If she had an ounce of self respect and decency she would resign with immediate effect.
So she won’t resign then.
But then – as she’s constantly telling us – if she has nothing to hide, she has nothing to fear!
Except she seems to hiding her twat from her husband, hence the need for his services of Widow Twanky and her five lovely daughters – and the taxpayer has paid for the pornal stimulant!
It is amazing isn’t it? just when you think the ZaNuLabia clan cannot sink lower, we get this story, with the Cohen ‘I’m worth more than Churchill’ – on the back this week of the McNulty theiving bastard, Griffiths porn photo shoot at the office and the Hannan nuke-rebuke to Brown. They say a week is a long time in politics, it must seem like millenia for these assholes….and we think they fuck us over, apparently not content with that they wank over us too….
So now Jacqui is collecting every call/intenet access etc…
do we get to see what else hubby has been up to?
Come on Jacqui – if you’ve nothing to hide you’ve nothing to fear.
It’s well known around Westminster that Jacqui likes a bit of porn so I don’t believe her when she denies watching these films. Apparently she likes seeing dykes with strap-ons so these films may have been a bit soft-core for her.
In other news, Yvette Cooper seems to be overdoing the valium again.
Was Yvette one of the fluffers, then?
In fairness to the BBC, they are ‘going large’ on this problem, and openly are speculating about her future, and using words like ‘undermined’…
Yup, good point. This is still on the front page.
Smith ’sorry’ for expenses claim
The Home Secretary is to pay back parliamentary expenses which were reportedly used to pay for adult pay-per-view films.
All £67. I’m rather more concerned about the £100k+ for her sister’s spare room.
Just think how much porn he could of bought with that!
Exactly Plato
“I have £116,067 of dodgy claims so I will make a big show of paying back £67 hoping the electorate will quietly forget about the other 99.9%”
Stupid bint, I mean was I the only one who saw the headline “Home Secretary apologises for expenses claim” and assumed that she had coughed to the whole f*****g lot?
Rexel – no you’re not the only one.
******Top dollar paid for interesting info on Nigel Griffiths MP********
email newsdesk@notw.co.uk
how many zerooooooooooos
Top dollar paid for proof that Nigel Griffiths was the stunt cock in Timney’s knuckle glazer.
Glad you pay in dollars, wouldn’t want any of that ‘devalued’ sterling.
L is for Labour.
L is for Lice.
L is for lynch mob – let’s string the fuckers up
L is for Let’s set the on fire.
It’s not porn, it’s pay-per-view tv. That’s how the Beeboids are playing the story
It’s still on the Beeboid front page (news.bbc.co.uk) as “adult pay-per-view films”.
And Marr suggested to Millipead that “isn’t this the last straw” for Jaqboots.
No shame these Bastards?
I wouldn’t be surprised if they keep their hidden daughters and grand children in the basement for frolics at the taxpayers expenses also.
O/T from Boulton & Co
The “family photo” at the progressive government conference almost became a minor diplomatic incident when our own PM didn’t turn up.
It was shrugging shoulders and puzzled expressions all round as the eight became seven.
Five minutes later, Gordon hove into view and the snappers snapped away.
Those on the scene tell me he’d been to the toilet.
Well, it was a long press conference I suppose
At least he didn’t piss himself in public
don’t shake his hand afterwards FFS
By the way Brazil suffered a massive chemical fire yesterday the worse in living memory. Funny I am sure someone famous just went there recently
Now just think, if only Nigel Griffiths had been willing to make a ‘home-made’ porn movie with Jacqui Smith at the Palace of Westminster, and put the thing on DVD, they could have ‘kept it all in-house’, and the ‘News of the World’ tart and Virgin [sic] Media might have been kept out of the equation, and none of this trouble would ever have happened…
In other soft porn sleaze today:
Lord Myners hid his money in tax haven
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/politics/article5993185.ece
Public Service Announcement – BlogWars III.
Mr Dale has finally banned Mr Ireland – again.
Cant wait for the next titilating episode of “Carry on Gordon”.
This is all a simple misunderstanding. Mr Jacqui Smith thought he was paying to watch ‘WaLking With Dinosaurs’….
Wonder what the Harpy has to say about this clear abuse of Vunerable Women by abusive males. Thats the party line is it not ?
It’s time to ban wanking to keep Britain safe.
because its the right thing to do for hard wanking families
and we musn’t underestimate the dangers of passive wanking.
there is always a whif of something unpleasant about Jaqui Smith
thats a kebab fart
At least she paid the money back
“LABOUR , TOUGH ON WANKING AND TOUGH ON THE CAUSES OF WANKING”
Brilliant!!!
A question that we realy should ask is If Smith claimed all that money to pay for living in her sisters home. DID THE SISTER DECLARE THIS RENT ON HER INCOME TAX RETURNs?
LABOUR. finally making wanking pay.
I am sure Mr Timney will bear the gunt of the Home Secratary’s anger.
“Gunt”? Also the biffin. Or perhaps then and again the taint.
Courtesy of Marcus Brigstocke, it is extolled by Mr Woppit thus:
” Imagine if you will, a woman of a certain age. And of a certain weight. A woman who has elected to wear a particularly high waisted style of trouser, with the belt done up rather too tightly so that it seems to suck everything in. Now, if one progresses south from the belt there exists, before one arrives at the pubis, the area of the “fly” or “zipper”. This area actually extends outwards. It seems to bulge and swell, almost to hang. And this area, ladies and gentlemen, has a name.
It is called…..
……the gunt.”
Surely the appalling thing is that MP’s expect the taxpayer to pick up the tab for home entertainment, whether it was porn or not is besides the issue. Timney is obviously a crap assistant if he can’t even scrutinise expenses claims.
He’s too busy writing letters to the Redditch Advertiser.
He’s only paid 44,000 quid what do you expect efficiency!
“If you’ve got nothing to hide, you’ve got nothing to fear.”
The end of NuLabia is nigh!
…just as well no-one is asking too many questions about the paid-for internet connection. One liner comment in the Daily Mail, then click on all that sleaze in NOTW… OOOh, AAAAh. Jacqui gets really excited when she sees the list of sites I’ve visited in her new internet database, too…
I heard that one of the films was HOT HORNY LESBIANS starring Ruth Kelly, Yvette Cooper and Sarah Brown.
None of those horny lesbians are hot.
Why can they claim for videos anyway? I’d object if it was The Sound of Music.
Precisely!
.
Morning Guido, talking of porn, risqué photographs, someone sent me some interesting pictures yesterday. . .
Other news: THE ADAM SMITH INSTITUTE VS THE PEOPLE
and if you are bored with the usual shit Sunday papers check out skymadeupnewsandfilth, tits, sport and politics, filth for everyone.
.
surely that should be w***er, not w****er?
Five pounds says he was beating the meat to Flesh Gordon.
Meanwile, two jags Prescott has anounced that he’s always approved of tax payers money being used to subsidise seamen.
I’m outraged at this.
While there are plenty of people in Scotland who reckon the Scottish Parliament is far from perfect,it certainly seems to show the way with regard to expenses,it took only a few seconds to find the link under and run a search ( I used Windbag-sorry- Wendy Alexander as a test ) detailing stuff right down to the likes of newspaper subs.By comparison Westminster MP s can trough- is it up to £250 or £400 ? – expense claims by the ton without receipts.Truly this country is being f****d over by these people,and while-allegedly-there is supposed to be a full disclosure of MP expenses later this year how much detail will be “lost ” or “not in the national interest ” to release ?
http://mspallowances.scottish.parliament.uk/MSPAllowances/
Hubby due to make statement on Sky shortly. tee hee
I hope he has pulled himself together now, so that he can make a good fist of the interview.
I’m sure he was merely honouring Labour’s election pledge to be “whiter than white”. Or something.
Sky reporter just said it was a “cock up”
tee hee again
If self abuse is an allowable expense, can I put in a 30 year retrospective claim please?
This brings a whole new meaning to “cash in hand”
Where was she when I needed a ‘helping hand’?
And ‘tax relief’
Hohoho
That twat draper is on LBC!
Masturbation, masturbation, masturbation
Shouldn’t that be Onanism The Barbarian?
Sky said she claimed for two washing machines and two wide screen TVs and an 88 plug at Redditch home.
Tinmey just said sorry- useless.
that should be 88p plug – for a sink – sorry. I’m equally as appalled that she watched Ocean’s 13 twice!! She is very low rent (especially at sister’s flat boom boom)
Sex is dirty. It should be only for making babies. Men are horrid.
Sleaze to the left of us, sleaze to the right of us, Ruin’s end is cumming
So what is elbeebo Radio 4 focused on this Sunday lunchtime:
“The Mexican drugs war”
Wow thanks Brian Hanranhan.
NO more money for the turds.
Draper on LBC – sounds like a twat but Andrew Pierce is a bit too chummy.
Very chummy indeed. Couldn’t stand more than a couple of mins of him talking about paying MPs £100k.
No surprise there. Andrew Pierce used to appear with Toilets McGuire on the politics show that preceded This Week with Andrew Neil. Needless to say they both dissed the Tories on a regular basis.
So, the HUSBAND is going to make a statement in which he apologises to his WIFE.
Cambpell will be advising on the media management here, so let’s try to spot the element of the story away from which they are trying to draw our attention.
Might it be that the real story is EMPLOYEE defrauds EMPLOYER by including money spent on personal entertainment in EMPLOYERS business expenses that are subsequently reclaimed from EMPLOYER’s own employer.
In other words, Plod might have to do a bit of an investigation should there be a complaint received.
Where’s my state funded porn? Bloody socialists!
I bet Jackboot Jacqui claimed for her vibrator from her parliamentary expenses.
but a saturn V rocket costs £billions!
No need to her party is full of dildos.
…and wankers, arse-bandit rent boy abusers, thieves, war criminals, liars, incompetents, traitors, etc…
how about apologising to me
“Dear Tax Payer
Sorry for wanking your hard earned money up the TV screen
(it may never have happened if my Wife’s spend more time at home rather than her main residience)
Yurs Sincerely
Jaqui Smiths Husband”
Exactly, the hoon has been spending our money whilst having his fucking cock in his hand. What a dirty bastard. What a fucking idiot, he could have got it off the net for free. Didn’t he learn anything about porn and expenses when he was away in a hotel?
Mr End, have added this to my blog – thanks for the inspiration.
spunking our money.no change then!
was the film ‘gordon and mandy -breaking the back of britain’?
they are only to be wholly necessary, entirely to perform the MPs duties!
Timney unfortunately read it that they are necessary for him to perform his marital duties!!
Soapy Titty Wanks alround!
Dolly’s boasting on the radio about going to ‘America’ and getting his M.A.
Bless him.
Wot a complete and utter Fat Wanker, which seems to be party policy.
Just thought I would point out the irony of the parts in the Smith story played by the Sunday Express (owner, R Desmond) and TelevisionX, main provider of soft porn on the Virgin TV network, also owned by R Desmond).
Neat.
This is no time for a novice!
NuLab sleaze = the gift that just keeps on giving.
Is Jacqui Smith’s husband a secret Conservative?
http://www.annaraccoon.com/?p=1359
I’d love to be a copper on Jackboot’s protection detail at this moment.
I’m sure she’ll be up for a bit of truncheon love after this.
Draper been given huge amount of time to spout his bollocks – Andrew Pierce needs to reign him in. He still comes across as an arrogant twat though.
No ones mention his qualifications yet.
Give it 10 mins and they will be shaging each other.Why no phone in?
Probably because Draper insisted he would (rightly) get so much abuse. They go onto politics later on in the program but mainly ended up with Draper twisting like a reptile to spin the anti-Tory rhetoric.
Andrew Pierce’s normal anti-Liebour stance was sadly lacking in this hour. No emails or texts read out – sounds like it was just a pro-liebour, Draper book publicity stunt. But as Andrew admintted, Draper didn’t plug hi book so much as try and slag the Tories off.
You also have to remember that virtually all of LBC’s ads are now government public propaganda messages, suggesting usefull things like not carry our sausages in our luggage etc
I too have noticed that it is mostly my money being spunked up the wall in the form of ads I neither need nor want to hear. If it gets too much I switch channels.
She probably told him what his right hand was for.
I think we should all send personal invoices to these sleazebags.
Derek has got his new book signing in Mayfair on the G20 day.
Fancy twatting him then?
Ghostwritten, obviously.
Do you mean he will be in Mayfair in London, or rather that he will be signing copies of the Paul Raymond publication?
Yes!
That’ll get a lot of coverage then, not. What a PR maestro.
Slightly off topic but why is this government spending a precious £20m of our hard earned tax to fund this stupid G20 event. £20 could have saved Dunlendin’, several repossessions and a few hospital services as well.
Because they’re brain-dead kunts.
Don’t give the kunts another excuse to avoid resigning FFS.
Dolly just justified MP’s expenses that they are like teachers and GPs so it’s actually not alot of money and tried to justify Cohen’s expense disgrace.
JSA is a more apt comparison.
Hard day at the office , dear?
Well, sort of a semi really.
Labour falling apart on Dunfermline Building Society on Politics Show today.
On the Uk one Darling basically said people should get their money out
But the most revealing stuff was on the Scottish opt out.
The Dunfermline Chairman live on Politics Scotland indicated he hadn’t been told which banks/building societies in running to take over and basically accused Alistair Darling of lying this morning.
Accused Darling, Brown and Jim Murphy of playing politics.
And Jim Murphy had to admit that the sub-prime problem was in England and not America. Ooops! Bang goes the excuse that it was all America’s fault.
Guido. Get on to it when it drops onto iPlayer. Labour have got to cocky in thinking they can brow beat finance guys but have now met their match in the Dunfermline chairman. He lays it on the line and isn’t prepared to be the fall guy for their spin and lies. Basically beeling at what looks like Labour trying to destroy any independently base companies in Scotland.
Seconded – Broon has committed political Hara -Kiri in his own midden.
Murphy, Darling, Myners and Broon should be arrested the next time they set foot in Scoland.
This one will run and run …
I was rather under the impression that it started in Scotchland!
Is it possible for these scandles to increase?
Yes it is!
Shouldn’t that be “Yes We Can”!
Right Brillo, is this blog obscene enough for you yet? If not, we can always go up a notch to N0. 11.
I have my own theory about who was actually watching the films.
I have my own theory too Lakelander.
http://tinyurl.com/cquyct
And, in the picture on your blog, they make such a handsome couple, don’t they?
Not.
Now we know why she liked showing her tits off in the Commons – it was a cry for help.
If only I’d known.
Maybe she used her tits when she gave hubby “a good ear bashing”
Till stamps at dawn ? as Dunfermline Building Society boss hits out at Treasury”faceless mandarins”
Linky thingy
Was the hubby looking after the children while viewing porn?
No, they were safely locked up in the basement.
Ooh you are awful but but I like you!
hhhmmm – Harman Pride and Ambrose Silk are quiet today, no defense then ?
It’s the weekend, they only get paid for trolling during the week.
You have to hope that Hymen Pierced and Silky Arsehole have been moderated out of existence by Guido.
I have never read such useless propaganda from a bigger pair of prats!
Is she going to be soft on porn, or soft on the causes of porn. What are the titles of the blue movies – are they potentially more embarassing than the snafu itself? I think we should be told.
Labourwrist?
HAHAHAHAA
Pay per view porn started in America.
Hard on pr0n, hard on the causes of pr0n.
it wasnae me in the film
“And Jim Murphy had to admit that the sub-prime problem was in England and not America. Ooops! Bang goes the excuse that it was all America’s fault.”
….erm…….England?
It started in Scotland
I doubt Jacqboots’ hubby will be getting any for a while
If I was Jacqboots hubby, I am not sure I would want any!
For fuck’s sake.
Now, I like porn as much as the next man – not *next* to the next man, you understand – but if I’m going to buy it, and not make my own, then… I think I should pay for it. we’re paying for MP’s porn, while they send people to jail for viewing stuff they’ve made themselves. we’re paying for MP’s porn.
I’m having trouble getting me head around this.
We pay MPs, they buy porn, and charge it to expenses… Nope. Still not getting this
They plan to jail people for *drawing* the wrong things…. but we’re paying for their porn.
Does anyone know why we’re not killing them yet?
Its just Richard being Richard.
“Does anyone know why we’re not killing them yet?”
I began asking this question as soon as they released the ‘Dodgy Dossier’. Thousands and thousands of people killed, at least one nation fractured and ruined for decades, great cost in blood and treasure to our own land. All on the basis of a document plagiarised from the internet. No blame. No resignation. No contrition. I can’t to this day understand how parliament didn’t end up in flames as a result.
“Does anyone know why we’re not killing them yet?”
According to my watch, we should have started a few years ago.
“Just yards from Gordon Browns commons office”. What a violation of the great helmsman this is! An insult to his endless magnificence, the saviour of the world. It’s like fornicating in a cathedral.
Where’s the rocking horse money shot?
Indeed. Lets hope and pray that Mark Oaten wasn’t involved!
A jolly old game of Solitaire Oaten biscuit, by the sound of it.
ROTFLMAO
“cometh the hour… cometh the man”
We have been told that Mrs Handbag gave her assistant husband an ‘ear bashing’ for his own – tax payer funded – hand bashing. But what exactly did she say to him?
“No Dick I said you could use my expenses for the next eLection!”
PS Did the Handbags also claim for unusually large amounts of man-sized tissue?
Forget about the “porn -” the fact is would you would go to the trouble and palava of claiming 88p for a bloody bath plug from B & Q especially when you can get one for 49p from Wilkos.- oh sorry – I see anything under 50p isn’t claimable.
Are you sure your heard right, it was a bishop bashing rather to show him the right technique!
I honestly though Iain Dale said 88p butt plug on BBC News24.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/7970784.stm
The slimy Hoon is completely devoid of shame!
Yeh no but yeh but I fully understand why people are saying that my choice in viewing material is objectionable but I happen to like ————-Oceans 13 !!!!!!
I look fotward to seeing the ian taylor expenses claims amd particularly reading about “Bloody Mary”
The mind boggles at the expense claim:
£ 5 – yanking the crank
£ 7.50 – polishing the rocket
£ 3.75 – buffing the banana
£ 8.50 – bopping the baloney
£ 2.45 – burping the worm
£ 3.85 – choking the chicken
£ 4.55 – flute solo
£ 5.75 – jerkin’the gherkin
£ 6.75 – pounding the flounder
£ 23.45 – Kleenex [hotel size]
£ 56 – carpet shampoo [2 square yards only, the bit between between the Lay-z-boy massage recliner and the screen]
£4.00 – beating the meat
£5.00 – flogging the bishop
£6.00 – hand shandy
£6.50 – knuckle shuffle
£7.10 – one off the wrist
£8.00 – spanking the muscle
Spanking the monkey
Strangling the ferret?
Galloping the Lizard.
Taking Captain Picard to warp speed.
This has been blown out of all proportion. I am getting on with the job.
If you had fucked your hubby instead of fucking your job up you would not be in this sticky mess.
It wasn’t a blowjob it was a handjob!
And still, Tories are ‘the party of sleaze’!
I’m too young to remember most of the Thatcher years, did she used to fly from house to house, consuming childrens or something? Why do people allow these morons to get away with anything? Why do people still say ‘Well if we didn’t vote this lot in, the Tories would get in!’?
Mostly she went around saying you couldn’t go on spending other peoples money ad infinitum and having jobs for life on the public teat, which of course pissed off the socialists something rotten.
got that right – we are so fucked if we don’t get a fiscally conservative government back. (I exclude Cameron from this assumption – he’s a social democrat)
I think public money spent on Donkey orgy is well spent
[...] (1)November 2004 (3) Complete with her five lovely daughters.This story will be covered pretty much everywhere; I have little to add. Suffice to say that I have no objection to Jacqui [...]
As I’ve stated on Dale’s blog, why the fuck should we pay for any of this stuff?
Are they such a strange and superior breed that they didn’t have to eat before they became MPs?
Not content with fucking up the economy, they want to cream off what they can before the gig is up.
Bastards!
I didn’t realise NuLab were such talented comedians. You’re through to the next round.
(After Team America…)
Dicks wank…..
Isn’t this fraud as well as the usual greediness, and surely ignorance of the claim for the films etc no defense in law?
And where are the coppers when you want them?????
She has tried to swindle the taxpayer and should be hung out to dry.
As for MPs’ wanting an extra £40K to guzzle with instead of allowances – how about a pay CUT seeing as most of us still-employed taxpayers are either getting no pay increase at all or losing pay just to keep the job. A little empathy would go a long way!!!! Besides which, the greed bastards have probably salted enough loot away to pay off everything McButt-Plug has borrowed recently!!!
Tumbrils approaching….
If Jacqboots were to receive any kind of threat you bet the fucktard would request (and get) legal aid.
She should be flogged in Parliament Square the bus-faced old whore.
“She should be flogged in Parliament Square the bus-faced old whore.”
I’m already getting excited.
what a great idea!
Does Ken Clarke ask us to pay for his jazz mags*?
No!
* Magazines about the musical style which shares much in common with the blues, I mean. It is widely known that this is his interest, just as watching silicone pumped, waxed ‘actors’ getting it on clearly an interest of Mr. Timney’s.
Much better he’s doing that and having a quick on off the wrist than doing something really dangerous, like getting his useless hack of a wife re-elected.
No but we could bell-end up paying for Dickie Timney’s Jizz Mags!!
What’s a jizz mag?
Can someone advise is pounding the Bishop a taxable or non taxable allowance ?
Regards
Wankergate?
Is depthroat involved?
and here’s me thinking that complaints of tax payers money being spunked away were just figures of speech….. you couldnt make it up !
This stuff is all gold dust…you couldn’t make it up if you tried…
At least we can shout “wanker” at her husband without fear of arrest.
how about we find her address and send a few packs of Kleenex on us no receipt required.They will have little else to do after the election.
And I thought “Labour wankers” were figures of speech as well !
http://tinyurl.com/cquyct
“…….and may I apologise to all concerned for getting caught. I will try to not let it happen again, although it probably will, for despite getting paid over 40 grand PA for aiding my wife, I really don’t know fuck all about this politics shit.
BTW, may I say that Jacqui Smith is the best Home Secretary we’ve ever had for titwanks, although Charles Clarke ran her a very close second.”
It all begins to sound more and more like some third rate soap plot!
I, for one, have had enough of the “we shall govern as New Labour” ‘Carry on Government’ style of politics. Can we have Old Labour back please – even if you did not agree with their policies, at least they talked about real issues and had (in the main) a real passion for democracy and responsibility as many of them had fought (during the war or on the picket lines) for the freedoms and rights we used to enjoy – which this current bunch of freeloaders and hoons are taking from us.
Anyone that listened to the repeat of the debate entitled ‘The night the government fell (1979), on the Parliament Channel recently, could not help but be reminded of how far Governmental expanations and excuses have fallen from then to its current state. Callahan (hardly the best PM ever) gave an impassioned speech, clearly outlining in detail his government’s achievements and their future policies – There was not a “right thing to do,” “necessary,” “doing the job,” “lessons to be learnt,” “it was the Americans,” “hard working banker’s families,” or any other spun-to-death wrist-flick sound bite to be heard.
In the spirit of the latest revelations regarding Jackboot Spliff perhaps she could get her ‘assistant’ to play to his strengths and organise a mass-debate on the state of current politics. I realise it would be hard for him and he has a lot on his hands, but I’d like to know what he could come up with.
“In the spirit of the latest revelations regarding Jackboot Spliff perhaps she could get her ‘assistant’ to play to his strengths and organise a mass-debate on the state of current politics. I realise it would be hard for him and he has a lot on his hands, but I’d like to know what he could come up with.”
Oooh Matron!
Just goes to prove that old political saw -”The Labour Party is full of tossers !”
I wonder if there is a Nokia shop in Chile as I reckon a new one is definetly on the cards somehow.
I know Hubby spliff is a right tosspot but I would like to remind people in case they may have forgoten that along with McFruitbat I still remain a total and utter krunt.
I would love to see what Hettie Hatemen makes of this one. No… don’t really care.
Tell you what love make yourself useful and nip out and pop the kettle on petal.
O, NuLab will pay for their sins, you mark my words…
Hey Smith-Timney kids – your mom’s a thief , who doesn’t even live with you, and you dads a wanker. Come on Jacqui do them a favour – resign. you are a public laughing stock.
Well, look on the bright side. If they’re proper Labour kids, educated at a state school, they will be functionally illiterate and unable to read the papers, thus the State provides an extra “child protection” service – see how much they care!
Will all Sundays be like this from now on?
We can only hope! :)
Had a look over on labourwrist.org, nothing – although I expect there’s a lot of hand wringing going on behind the scenes.
LOL
Did anyone notice the story about Lembit’s Daily Sport column being censored by the Commons IT police?
Perhaps that’s why they need porn subscriptions at home?
How many others are doing just what Mr J Smith did?
What a lovely way to round off Flesh Gordon’s week.
Bless.
He would have made a brilliant merchant banker.
Fuck off back to Zimbabwe you tosser.
Couldn’t they club together and share files? It would be a lot cheaper for the rest of us!
Would it be out of order to suggest that Nigel Griffiths’s woman appears to be dress as, ahem, a lady of the night? I’m sure it’s just her dress sense, nothing to imply he’s paid for some office servicing.
Absolutely my friend there has been no evidence presented that this lady was or is a common hooker. It would be wrong to jump to such conclusions with no evidence to back it up, very wrong. Still time yet.
Apparently the ‘lady’ in question knows five other MPs as well, from 3 different parties. More to come.
Smith’s constituency website has a section labelled Jacqui’s Video Library. I didn’t see any porn in it though. Maybe that’s why he has (we have) to pay for it.
What’s the problem with Jacqui’s hubby’s porno purchases?
1. Jacqui’s no looker.
2. The film was not made by a quango.
3. Her husband was probably pleased with what he bought.
In my humble opinion it’s the only logical and rational use of taxpayers’ money Labour has managed in over a decade.
Does Jacqui Smith’s hubby have an orange penis?
Only when he eats Wotsits whilst wanking.
HT Daily Ref of course
It’s always called an “inadvertent mistake” when they get caught. I am so sick of greedy, narcissistic, lazy, and above all dishonest NuLabour.
This is a global porn…hard wanking families…we have saved the porn, the world’s porn…started in America…
Wanking to porn started in America.
We should not be worrying about a little
thing like Richard Timney’s.
We should be discussing the big things
(like Jacqui’s tits)
HELP!!!!
The letter to all sitting Members of Parliament, who had better soon start to act in the interests of their electors, was sent last Friday and stated the following:
OPEN LETTER TO ALL MEMBERS OF PARLIAMENT
“VOTE OF NO CONFIDENCE”
Our nation is in desperate straits and our Government is making matters worse by building mountains of public debt and debasing the currency in a futile effort to dig our economy out of an ever-deepening hole. This policy is the equivalent of pouring petrol on a bonfire. If so-called ‘fiscal stimuli’ (immoral borrowing of taxpayers’ funds), and ‘quantitative easing’ (alias excessive money printing), are allowed to continue unabated, we will all be ruined and the damage will be irreparable in this and the next generation. Future generations, yet unborn, may still suffer from this intolerable burden.
Is this really what you want? You are our elected representatives. You have sworn allegiance to the Crown and thus to uphold the Constitution. You have a Code of Conduct and you are bound by the responsibilities of your trusted position to act always in the best interests of your constituents who elected you and your country that you help to administer.
Regardless of your party loyalty, especially in this time of crisis, you have a far greater duty and responsibility to your constituents and country. We are therefore calling on you to support a Vote of No Confidence in the present government because it has clearly lost control of the situation and is now careering in totally the wrong direction towards the cliffs of national ruin.
We urgently need a fresh administration and a fresh course of action. A further year of this mis-governance could spell disaster. The simplest first step would be for banks to separate their assets from their debts in current balance sheets and be responsible for repaying these out of future profits. Borrowing from taxpayers and printing excessive money MUST STOP. Public and non-productive expenditure must be reduced to essentials.
We cannot afford to wait until 2010 by when the present rapidly worsening economic situation may have descended into physical chaos, violence and insurrection. It is your duty to halt this insanity NOW by calling the Government to account or face the consequences. Your fate and ours lies in your hands and a Vote of No Confidence will help to regain public respect.
Yours faithfully,
John Gouriet Julian Heath
Good letter – but unfortunately the majority of Labour MPs are unlikely to take any notice – they’ve still got 15 months at the trough don’t forget !!!!
She is not a “hands on” Minister then?
at least now i understand why noone in government can put their hands up for anything and we have confirmation that Labour party = wankers
will he apologise for writing bollocks in his local rag?
will she apologise for trousering ie STEALING fraudulent second home allowance?will she apologise for paying him £40,000 pa?
a public flogging is now looking very attractive for all of them.
Darling, while you were away with the sisterhood, I got you a brand new sample for your DNA database.
The frightening creatures known as rat-kings are a perfect symbol of our rotten government.
***
CCTVSTAR
Anyone else think that an anti-terrorist police raid would be proportionate at this point.
Conspiracy to commit misconduct in a public office anyone?
Yes but what are the chances? Zilch.
[...] Guido points to the News of the Screws latest on Nigel Griffiths, who’s been videoing himself shagging his secretary, in his Commons office. Gordon Brown was best man at Griffiths’ wedding. Griffiths at first denied the whole thing and applied for an injunction. The injunction was denied, in the public interest. Of course, the expenses and entitlements aspect is the one with the more hope of doing political damage these days, sadly. Remember that his Remembrance Day Frolic took place in his office paid for by the taxpayers, then went on to presumably his flat, also paid for by the taxpayers. Far from it being a drunken and forgotten frolic it turns out that he took the deliberate trouble to ensure he would not forget, by uploading the pictures to his laptop – a laptop computer also paid for by the taxpayers out of his parliamentary expenses. Presumably this would be so he would be able to reminisce over the 27 photos and later he too could enjoy a state subsidised w**k over the memory. [...]
Indeed. Considering it’s not her main residence, why is she claiming for it at all?
I think HMRC should be looking at her husband’s benefit-in-kind declarations.
Now for the fall-out. What odds would give that Ms Jackboots and Mr Wank are both out of jobs at the GE?
Here’s Labrokes view – FAB press release title!
“ALAS SMITH AND GROANS
HOME Secretary Jacqui Smith is odds on to lose her seat at the next General Election, bookmakers said yesterday (Sun).
Following boundary changes to her Redditch constituency , the embattled MP currently holds a majority of less than two thousand, the lowest of any cabinet member.
Ladbrokes had made her Conservative opponents 2/5 to claim a major scalp when the country goes to the polls.
But they have now shortened their odds to 4/11 and pushed her out from 7/4 to 2/1.
Spokesman Robin Hutchison said: “Smith was facing stiff competition as it was, but it now looks like the Tories have got it taped.”
LATEST BETTING
Next General Election
Redditch – Seat Winner
4/11 Conservatives
2/1 Labour
100/1 Lib Dems”
‘Stiff competition’ – I suppose you think that’s clever.
I am sure Richard Tmmey is a fine ‘upstanding’ genteleman. Well, when the fat thieving slag of a wife of his is dossing down at here sisters gaff anyway.
“when I said splash out on a new sofabed…..”
“Can we have Old Labour back please”
No.
Only in a box!
Home Secretary: Would you like some wine darling?
Husband: I’ve already got a little semi on
But there are no “money shots” on TV as Mr Desmond well knows, You can get ‘em free online.
Link to Sunday Express Jacqui’s porn story now live on their website.
“The revelation will be an embarrassment to Ms Smith in many ways. Not least the fact that as Briain’s (sic) first woman Home Secretary, she has taken a stance on the sex industry, pledging to introduce tough licensing laws for lap-dancing clubs. She is responsible for regulating the adult entertainment industry.”
ah so she was having her 40,000/month husband-secretary-wristtwitcher do some research for her lapdancing crusade, well that’s ok then.
She also wants to ban binge wanking too, no more than 2 small hand-shandies allowed.
Guess that’s why hubby held a lock-in.
And responsible, no doubt, for making it as easy to get a license for a lap-dancing club as a cafe.
And here’s the bath plug and other purchases – brass neck doesn’t come near this:
“Documents submitted to the Commons authorities show Ms Smith has claimed £150,304 for the cost of running a second home since 2001, including fully fitting it out.
The Sunday Express has seen the documents that show Ms Smith has claimed for virtually every major household item over the past five years, right down to the kitchen sink.
It was a £550 stone model from Habitat. The minister, who earns £141,866-a-year, even claimed for an 88p bath plug.
She had already spent £460 on a dining room table, £704 on a sofabed, and £1,000 on an antique fireplace. She claimed for the cost of coal to burn in it.
Other items included a Hotpoint cooker, at £399 plus £15 connection, a Hotpoint tumble dryer worth £189 and two washing machines in under two years, a £249 Ariston and a Zanussi worth nearly £300.
Her entertainment centre was to include DVD players, two Samsung widescreen televisions and two digital set-top boxes worth more than £1,100.
The claims have come to light as work nears completion on a £2million project to publish all MPs’ expenses claims in the past five years, after they lost a three-year legal battle to keep the details secret following Freedom of Information Act requests. “
1000 lashes!
It makes one wonder what on Earth she has actually paid for herself.
Here are the current top titles on Virgin media. Guess which ones Jacqui and hubby paid to watch:
A touch of pink 2
Adult XXX: Milf f*ckers
All Sex: Group sex freaks
All UK girl-on-girl f*cking
Beautiful lesbians, naughty sex
Best of: 100% girl on girl action
British Dogging 5
British hotel bitches
C’m to mamma
Chubby MILF sex
Extreme close-up
Horny City Hospital
Pimp Mummy
Seductive MILF sessions
im sorry (and now you`ve found out) im paying it back.
its getting a bit predictable isnt it?
are there lessons to be learned as well, i wonder?
….that’ll be tomorrow when she finds she has to spend more time with her family (the real one not the kitchen cupboard at her sister’s dump)
What we need is a general erection, now!
Sorry – meant election. Was day dreaming about watching a porn movie involving the oh so lithe Jacqui, and the equally supple Diane Abbott, getting down to it . . .
It could happen to anyone:
Great – never seen that one.
Is it ‘cos I is a wanker?
Not only is she a horrible, rough, doggy old minger, but she persists in flashing her saggy old boobs all the time because she wears low-cut dresses.
It’s hardly a revelation that the bloke who is married to her prefers porn to her or the boobs (I wouldn’t touch her with yours), so who can blame the poor bloke for preferring porn to the nightmare that is reality?
The only surprise here is that the taxpayer has to pay for it. Lots of us have ugly wives or husbands, but we don’t have the benefits of taxpayer-funded hand relief to take our minds off it.
never in the field of human troughing has so much been stolen by such undeserving talentless c unts!
I hope they make this into a series. It’s way funnier than My fucking Family.
Shitting a hedgehog is funnier than My Family!!!
Could it be a re-make of “Terry & June” . You’ll never guess what Terry’s been up to now – Beattie ? He tells me he’s working on a new ejaculation valve for his appliance”
The haughty presumption in the Westminster bubble is that MPs’ and Ministers’ conduct ought to be above that of ordinary people.
In my experience ‘ordinary’ people’s conduct is usually of a high standard. The presumption in Parliament that it is low is a false one and in ordinary walks of life I have witnessed sackings for much MUCH less than these arrogant spoilt brats get away with.
If you’re a decent and honest MP then please make it your mission to sort Parliament out – or else blame no-one but yourselves when you continue to be viewed with distaste and distrust.
In the meantime I’ll stand by my maxim:
Parliamentary Allowances = Hush Money
This even extends to wanking funds so long as you turn a blind eye to what’s being done to Britain.
It turns you blind, you know!
well, you should actually stop before you have a blind eye (sorry Flash!)
to turn!
Is it me or are we still on GMT?
Is that
“Genatilia Masturbating Timney?”
Masters of deception, resourceful, cunning, vein, artful and self serving: that is the business of Labour politicians. Ten years of corruption, squander, waste, vice and incompetence – but always with crafty self preservation. Arrogantly gorging on the contents of the public purse that has become their carpet bag. They are truely detestable.
I could explain but you little people just wouldn’t understand
Did we pay for the Kleenex too?
Is Norris McWhirter dead? Is this the first time in the history of the world someone HAS BEEN PAID FOR HAVING A WANK!
Priceless and unfortunately – yes.
Given that wanking is a free at the point of delivery activity, it’s a sign of NuLabs interfering incompetence that even this now ends up costing the tax payer.
Perhaps Nigel Griffiths didn’t know he could claim it on expenses?
Jacqui Smith is responsible for regulating the adult entertainment industry.
hahahahahahahhahaha
Perhaps hubby was doing some research. (You can have that one for free Jacqui)
Could be the first candidate for trials of the new taser by the Home Office which delivers 50,000 volts to the point of contact.
Sorry Home Secretray but you’re supposed to aim it at his chest not his er appendage!!! Still it seems to have taken the spunk out of him !!!!
The chinese have a curse:
“may you live in interesting times”
Well thanks to Labour we are certainly living in interesting times.
I hear that Dan Hannan is being described by the bookies as “the hottest thing in politics since Jacqui Smith’s film collection”.
LOL
[...] Guido Fawkes does not think it’s right that Mr Jaqcui Smith should have his w***s paid for by …. I think it’s cheaper than paying his “wife” for not living in other people’s houses. Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)Oh, and look at this about Gordon Ramsay (posted about yesterday.)David Davis. Ambition unconstrained, tactical thinking… limited!A Poisonous Woman No Longer Able to Distinguish Truth From Lie“I predict that in the future this watch will stop running, yet still tel… [...]
can we pay for her to live with her hubby and thus killing two birds with one stone avoid the second bedsit cost while getting splif to give her own husband a hand job when required.
Is LabourList.org finally fisted beyond repair?
They are in denial mode – Dolly has been so busy today that he hasn’t updated his twitteriarrhea.
And Draperlist is in 404 mode. HAHAHA
Labourlist’s gone offline – no great loss. Has Mephistopheles finally come for Draper’s soul?
Bugger – back from the dead, took a screen shot though for when he claims it wasn’t.
it seems always to go offline when the shit hits the labour fane. Now….had this been a Tory well????
Draper has just been on R5 Weekend news. He came across as something of an apologist twat, and said it was the system, not the Home Secretary at fault. He also said something about his blog, but I busrt both eardrums rather than listen.
Cockflob, I say.
http://www.newsoftheworld.co.uk/news/241272/Treasury-minister-Lord-Myners-shows-his-pink-knickers-while-dressed-as-a-fairy.html
this might have been missed in mayhem – death by a 1000 idiots
(nicked from coffehouse at spectator)
I’d like to see Jacqboots, her disgusting husband and the whole Labour party dance the Tyburn jig for their crimes against the taxpayer. The time of troughing has come to an end – the revolution is coming soon.
http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/Sack-Ms-Smith/
Not that it will make any difference and anyway the whole Labour party should be chucked out
Done.
Corrupt, greedy, useless and stupid = The Labour Party.
Or am I the stupid for paying my taxes to these tossers?
ANOTHER LABOUR CHAMPAGNE SOCIALIST …..?
29.03.09, 6:34pm
Take the Health Service boss earning £210,000 a year who is regularly staying at a top hotel at taxpayers’ expense so she can avoid a drive home from work.
Dr Barbara Hakin, chief executive of East Midlands Strategic Health Authority, has stayed at the £120-a-night spa hotel 59 times during the past two-and-a-half years. Her costs are picked up by her health authority whenever she chooses not to commute back to the £400,000 home she shares with her husband, also a doctor, in Keighley, West Yorkshire. Dr Hakinacted as the Government’s chief negotiator over the heavily criticised GP contract which was introduced in 2004. The contracts were designed to bring about an improvement in patient care but they have put some family doctors on salaries of £250,000 a year. Dr Hakin, a former GP, has also been criticised for spending £300,000 revamping the authority’s head offices – where she works – while at the same time overseeing cuts to a hospital rebuilding programme in Leicester.
They are ALL at it … ALL OF THEM.
Hat Tip to LordHarri Daily express
its a classic case of getting your feet under the table,gettiing to cocky,taking your one good eye off the ball,only to find out that every one is fucking you up behind your back.Welcome to the real world.
This isn’t just any sleaze, this is new labour sleaze.
Wanking Timney has taken the rap for this. But is there more to this than we have been told. Was Timney acting alone in his choice of evening viewing?
I think if we had access to all the info it would be shown that Ms Smith has also viewed ‘adult films’ together with Timney. Their only mistake was being rumbled this one time. It was not a one off.
But clearly, like the Mills-Jowell corrupt behaviour exposure, the deal is that hubby takes the heat.
I’ll bet someone at Virgin Media with access to their customer accounts database could tell a few stories about the viewing habits of wanking Timmy and his lovely wifey. I wonder what sites Timmy visits on the net? He really must remember that as a result of his wife’s changes to the law all records of site visits are being kept.
‘I think you’ve got it all wrong.
Jacqui’s explained it. He just made a little mistake. That’s all.
Gorbals will kiss it better. You’ll see.’
I wouldn’t mind so much if they weren’t totally incompetent as well as venally corrupt
Socialism = Corruption + Incompetence
The Wrist Institute – in Berkeley not at Berkeley
Lets us not forget That McMental charged us all for his Sky Sports subscription.
All those fit young men in tight shorts running about
Its his dream come to life
Now if we could only have a GLOBAL football league
Blah blah
Fucking Hoon
I apologise for using the”H ” word
It saddens me to see the labour party that has brought equality throughout the land by ending slave labour and giving the working man not only the vote but the opportunity for self improvement, that ended poverty in this land and gave us the national health service, that brought education to all so that the masses could flourish, being run by inept scamsters, criminals and outright liars. Tell me my generation didn’t suffer for this? I sweated blood to bring life to the Labour movement not for it to be hijacked by smarmy liars in suits.
Apparently sir, no such reassurance is possible at this time.
It’s getting to the stage that Jonah’s rocking horse escapade is not the most embarrasing ‘esipode’ that happens within Her Majesty’s Government.
How low can these fuckers possibly go, just when you think they have hit the bottom, out comes the spade and they start digging again.
What next? One of the photo’d shagging a horse? It wouldn’t altogether surprise me.
W.W.
Just knocked one out. Chalk up another 10 quid to expenses. Zzzzziiip. Ahhhhh.
http://www.order-order.com/2009/03/nigel-griffiths-loses-screws-injunction-fight/#comment-12663
Wish I’d been there to watch
She just needs to install CCTV in her living room to act as a deterrant.
Lets see Robbinson put a positive spin on this!
W.W.
Dirty boy!
http://moneymad.org/jacqui_husband_porn.jpg
This is funny please read.
I’ve emailed the link to Jacqui
Trust Noel Edmonds to get in on it
Jacqui’s right hand man hard at work.
I offered him a good blow job but he blew me out in favour of DIY
The Times has learnt that MPs are expected to call in the police today over how a copy of an invoice from her Virgin TV and internet account, submitted to the Commons as part of an expenses claim, came to be published in a Sunday newspaper.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/politics/article5999287.ece
For Jacqui, the love of piling up the cash in dodgy allowances and filling up their bank accounts with money screwed from the taxpayer must be the new sex, she probably comes bucket loads at the thought of all that lovely lolly!
tyburn or newgate street?
traitors gate needs refurbishment too……..
funny how things come around again.
“Husband and wife MPs build up £250,000 nest egg on taxpayer”
See this:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/politics/5071069/Husband-and-wife-MPs-build-up-250000-nest-egg-on-taxpayer.html
Follow the Money
http://wrinkledweasel.blogspot.com/2009/03/follow-money.html
Watergate it aint, but somewhere there is a mole.
Mrs Keen again last year:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/politics/labour/2025856/Health-minister-Ann-Keen-paid-her-husbands-life-insurance-on-expenses.html
£10 says the film was something of the “barely legal” variety, the twat looks like a total paedo.
From the Guardian: ‘A close friend of Smith’s said Timney would be “sleeping on the sofa for a while”.’
That would be two nights a week on the sofa then, since the lying cow claims to spend 5 nights a week in London?
Steely Dan Classic from 35 years ago, pretty spot on about everything, apart from the shapely bodies
CHORUS:
While the poor people sleepin’
With the shade on the light
While the poor people sleepin’
All the stars come out at night
After closing time
At the Guernsey Fair
I detect the El Supremo
From the room at the top of the stairs
Well I’ve been around the world
And I’ve been in the Washington Zoo
And in all my travels
As the facts unravel
I’ve found this to be true
CHORUS
They got the house on the corner
With the rug inside
They got the booze they need
All that money can buy
They got the shapely bods
They got the Steely Dan T-shirt
And for the coup-de-gras
They’re outrageous
CHORUS
Show biz kids making movies
Of themselves you know they
Don’t give a fuck about anybody else
CHORUS
Hah, one of the films was ‘The Devil in Miss Jones’, content described as ….
explicit sex oral,anal,vaginal and handjobs. and there is female masturbation in some sex scenes semen comes out.
Fuck me, things must be real bad in the Smith household !
I’m sure Jaquie gives an excellent blow job.
She practices by sucking up all the loot she can.
Let’s remember that MEPs in the last fortnight voted to demand more transparency in European institutions – while also voting to make sure their own expenses are kept secret!
If anyone thinks that this political class is ever going to do anything to clean up is own act without a clear mandate from voters on exactly that stance, than they’re kidding themselves. http://www.libertas.eu
I always thought Timmney was a wanker…
Could’ve saved us all a few quid and just put a bag over her head… and body… and earplugs…
OK, maybe not.
Jacqui Smith has my full confidence.
Can I just say, the reality is that the films she claimed for were very good and furthermore will be added to Ed Balls’ new compulsory national curriculum in the Small Partypersons’ Indoctrination Centres (formerly known as schools), along with An Inconvenient Truth, to be shown continuously on a loop from now until kingdom come. Amen.
Ok I admit it…….I was brought up a Catholic.
I still however think people are missing a very fundamental point about the Jackie Smith ‘porn episode’.
What sort of people do we have governing us when the main issue raised about this is her claiming the cost of the porn on expenses and not the fact he is watching hardcore pornography in the first place?
Also how come she is employing him using our money to the tune of £40,000 per year?
Sodom and Gomorrah has nothing on these people…………
And our main worry at the depth of their depravity is the price?
Please.
Labours new mantra is not education, education education it is now Masturbation, Masturbation Masturbation
Who cares, I just want my Kids freedom back, and I don’t want them chipped by Jackboots smith or any one else.
PS I hear the ID Card has made another step forward, apparently, All Ex Servicemen are to be issued with ID Cards as a way of ensuring they get priority in housing and healthcare.
See what sneaky bastards they are.
I’m warning you all, this is where they are taking us, slowly but surely.
A Microchipped Population
Now I’m not normally an apologist for the Labour Party, but has anyone considered that it might not have been Jaqui’s husband who ordered the movie, but her eldest lad (or one of his mates)?
This has been the best weekend for political news for many months.
According to the BBC politics website, the most popular story on their website on Sunday was…….
“Tory party to expel donor Wheeler” !!!!!
Well, popular with the BBC maybe, in a pro-Labour diversionary tactic sort of way.