Guido isn’t the only one suspicious of the Mirror’s recovery of Dave’s nicked bike, plus their fortuitous video footage of him looking stunned when it was nicked. They have been following him around on his bike in the past, videoing him jumping red lights. They have also rooted around in his dustbins to find out if he used disposable nappies.

Wouldn’t be a great leap of the imagination for them to come up with the “nick his bike” wheeze – would it? This is the paper that put faked up photos of British soldiers abusing Iraqi prisoners on the front page…