The first Ms Fawkes was weaned in a weekend and took to the bottle like her father. We were spending the summer in France and French baby formula is creamy rich. Her eyes lit up, she grabbed the bottle and mum retired to take some paracetamol. Her mother’s services were no longer required.

The second daughter is very different, she is six months old and treats the bottle with contempt. Mother is sleeping in the spare room, Father Fawkes is sharing a bedroom with baby and cot. Any sight of mother results in tears and cries demanding mother’s milk and only mother’s milk. Her father proffering a bottle is treated with total contempt. Her eyes say “Where are the boobs?” The bottle is spat out, hours pass, much baby formula is spilt. It occurs to Guido that the reason nobody has written a “Father’s Guide to Baby Weaning” is because they were just too tired to write it.

Sleep deprivation is a recognised means of breaking interrogation subjects. The lack of contiguous sleep eventually dissolves the subjects will and mental powers. Guido is too tired to even want alcohol…