Rich & Mark’s Monday Morning View

Why Not Have Tory Conference in Nice, France?

A flight from London to Nice on Easyjet is cheaper than a train ticket from London to Blackpool and it is quicker. The conference facilities in Nice are modern. The hotels are better and cheaper, the food is superb and there is still a chance of some sunshine. It would also show that the Tories are not xenophobic or anti-European. Guido is debating whether or not to go to Blackpool at all – it is so grim up north…

Stormin Rennie is Ready!

Lord Rennard has just emailed Guido:

I am writing you this email from our newly created “election war-room” in Cowley Street. We have just had back-to-back meetings of our Shadow Cabinet and Federal Policy Committee to put the finishing touches to our general election manifesto.

Of course, I can’t tell you the details just yet. [TOP SECRET DOUBLE HUSH HUSH] But it will be a very strong document setting our distinctive values with a strong emphasis on the environment.

Throughout this week the General Election Management Team has been planning things like our press conferences and Ming’s extensive tour across the country. [CALL HELP THE AGED]

The reports from constituencies this weekend are very good. We have had thousands of party members knocking on doors and making telephone calls as part of “community canvass week” Ming himself was out canvassing earlier this week in Scotland.

Whether Gordon Brown calls the election next week, the following week, or at any time in future – we will be ready ! [LIKE THE BOY SCOUTS]

With best wishes

Chris Rennard
Chief Executive, Liberal Democrats

Odd…

Friday Caption Competition (Reds Edition)

Competition Winners

The best entries in the competition for a limerick that wittily summed up Gordon’s conference speech win. Some were very good but didn’t scan properly, others (which Guido particularly enjoyed) were too foul for the sponsors to be seen to endorse.
MixTogether said…

There was an auld policy robber
Who liked the Conservatives’ clobber
“I’m Labour”, said he,
“With a capital ‘C’-
If you’re going to vote Tory, don’t bother!”

Nick Drew said…

Said the cowardly Cowdenbeath Scot
“If I use the word BRITISH a lot
and pretend that I’m CHANGED
(and by no means deranged)
– they won’t notice the economy’s shot . . .”

Charlotte Corday said…

Lacking Blair’s sheer theatrical ham,
Brown droned on about Britishness ad nauseam,
He’s against hospital grime,
Drugs, boozing and crime.
But if we’re good, we’re allowed a small Babysham.

Email Guido your postal addresses. If you didn’t win you can always order a pack here.

Opinion Polls versus Actual Votes

Guido just stuck even more money on the Tories being the biggest party post-election. Note the bet terms carefully – the biggest party. The prices have admittedly moved further against the Tories since last month when Guido stuck £50 on Betfair. Guido now has a few hundred on ’em at prices up to 3.5, which seems too generous to resist. Crazy?

Last night the Tories took a seat off Labour in Sunderland, elsewhere in Dover there was a big double-digit percentage swing to Cameron, in marginals Labour lost votes. The Tories will also get a bounce from next week – despite the BBC trying desperately to develop a narrative of disillusionment and more defections – which should move the betting prices.

Why take the biggest party bet? Four reasons; Scotland and boundary changes are going to hurt Labour, thirdly the Ashcroft marginal machine is where the real battle is, not in Labour’s heartlands where traditional voters disillusioned by Blair can return to Labour without making a blind bit of difference. Finally, when politics re-starts for real in parliament, Gordon’s big-tent gimmicks will be forgotten in that adversarial atmosphere.

Breaking News

Nick Robinson breathlessly informed us yesterday on his blog that “The BBC has learnt that over the past 24 hours the Labour Party has begun recruiting key staff to work on an election campaign.” Nick is a brilliant investigative reporter isn’t he? Guido read about that on Recess Monkey the day before, who read it in the Guardian.

Guido could be wrong, but something tells him Gordon is bluffing.

GuyNews : Blears Gets a Cookie-Monstering

Andrew Neil gave Blears a policy stealing monstering which went, errrm, right over her head. See report on GuyNews.TV.

Blears Gets a Cookie-Monstering

+ READ MORE +

Never Work With Guido, Children or Animals

In a rare and uncharacteristic act of selfless public service, Guido spoke at an event for a few hundred sixth formers today (the honarium was a decent bottle of Marguax). He advised the politically minded students that they would be better off not going into politics if they wanted to make the world a better place.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Boris Landslide Result

Boris by a landslide wins the Conservative Party open primary to select their candidate for London Mayor:

  • Boris Johnson 15,661

  • Victoria Borwick 1,869
  • Andrew Boff 1,674
  • Warwick Lightfoot 609
  • Guido is surprised he only got some 3/4 of the votes…

    […]

    + READ MORE +

    The Miliblogger is Back to Bore for Britain

    The Miliblogger is back and this time he has a gang. Guido is pleased to say he was the first to welcome him. If you want to give him some feedback, perhaps about the EU constitutional treaty, he would love to hear from you.[…]

    + READ MORE +

    The Fink Spots Shrum Hand

    Tomorrow’s Times will highlight the input of Bob Shrum into Gordon’s conference speech. It turns out to have been a formulaic re-hash of old Shrum speeches. Danny Finkelstein spotted the similarity this afternoon and the paper has since confirmed it to be the case.
    […]

    + READ MORE +

    Cultured Celebrity

    Gordon did a light-hearted, well light-hearted by his standards, Q & A session with husky voiced, liberal-thinking man’s crumpet, Mariella Frostrup. It seems like it was only yesterday that he signaled his disapproval of aspects of Britain’s celebrity culture: “It is a remarkable culture where people appear on television and are famous simply for the act of appearing on television.”

    Mariella is, errm, a famous TV presenter…

    + READ MORE +

    What No Scotland?

    The Lobby is jumping all over Fraser Nelson’s interview with George Osborne in the Speccie tomorrow where he appears to distance himself from the über-modernisers.

    Of more interest to Guido was the information that in CCHQ

    “a new map hangs in George Osborne’s office, showing the latest parliamentary boundaries for the next general election.

    […]

    + READ MORE +

    Ali Campbell Complains About the Blogosphere

    “The blogosphere is very right wing at the moment. We need more voices out there to counter it” he told 200 mugs who had paid hard cash (£15) to hear Campbell plug his book – “perfect for Dad for Christmas” at a fringe event last night.[…]

    + READ MORE +



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    Quote of the Day

    Heather Wheeler talks to Burton Mail about her tweet…

    “It was a tongue in cheek pop after the European Parliament tweet – it was purely that. I also wanted to congratulate Team GB on a brilliant result and thirdly congratulate the Commonwealth countries who also did very well. Fourth, I am also looking forwarded to establishing new trade agreements. That was it – nothing more. Let’s just enjoy the summer!”

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