Rich & Mark’s Monday Morning View

Why Not Have Tory Conference in Nice, France?

A flight from London to Nice on Easyjet is cheaper than a train ticket from London to Blackpool and it is quicker. The conference facilities in Nice are modern. The hotels are better and cheaper, the food is superb and there is still a chance of some sunshine. It would also show that the Tories are not xenophobic or anti-European. Guido is debating whether or not to go to Blackpool at all – it is so grim up north…

Stormin Rennie is Ready!

Lord Rennard has just emailed Guido:

I am writing you this email from our newly created “election war-room” in Cowley Street. We have just had back-to-back meetings of our Shadow Cabinet and Federal Policy Committee to put the finishing touches to our general election manifesto.

Of course, I can’t tell you the details just yet. [TOP SECRET DOUBLE HUSH HUSH] But it will be a very strong document setting our distinctive values with a strong emphasis on the environment.

Throughout this week the General Election Management Team has been planning things like our press conferences and Ming’s extensive tour across the country. [CALL HELP THE AGED]

The reports from constituencies this weekend are very good. We have had thousands of party members knocking on doors and making telephone calls as part of “community canvass week” Ming himself was out canvassing earlier this week in Scotland.

Whether Gordon Brown calls the election next week, the following week, or at any time in future – we will be ready ! [LIKE THE BOY SCOUTS]

With best wishes

Chris Rennard
Chief Executive, Liberal Democrats

Odd…

Friday Caption Competition (Reds Edition)

Competition Winners

The best entries in the competition for a limerick that wittily summed up Gordon’s conference speech win. Some were very good but didn’t scan properly, others (which Guido particularly enjoyed) were too foul for the sponsors to be seen to endorse.
MixTogether said…

There was an auld policy robber
Who liked the Conservatives’ clobber
“I’m Labour”, said he,
“With a capital ‘C’-
If you’re going to vote Tory, don’t bother!”

Nick Drew said…

Said the cowardly Cowdenbeath Scot
“If I use the word BRITISH a lot
and pretend that I’m CHANGED
(and by no means deranged)
- they won’t notice the economy’s shot . . .”

Charlotte Corday said…

Lacking Blair’s sheer theatrical ham,
Brown droned on about Britishness ad nauseam,
He’s against hospital grime,
Drugs, boozing and crime.
But if we’re good, we’re allowed a small Babysham.

Email Guido your postal addresses. If you didn’t win you can always order a pack here.

Opinion Polls versus Actual Votes

Guido just stuck even more money on the Tories being the biggest party post-election. Note the bet terms carefully – the biggest party. The prices have admittedly moved further against the Tories since last month when Guido stuck £50 on Betfair. Guido now has a few hundred on ‘em at prices up to 3.5, which seems too generous to resist. Crazy?

Last night the Tories took a seat off Labour in Sunderland, elsewhere in Dover there was a big double-digit percentage swing to Cameron, in marginals Labour lost votes. The Tories will also get a bounce from next week – despite the BBC trying desperately to develop a narrative of disillusionment and more defections – which should move the betting prices.

Why take the biggest party bet? Four reasons; Scotland and boundary changes are going to hurt Labour, thirdly the Ashcroft marginal machine is where the real battle is, not in Labour’s heartlands where traditional voters disillusioned by Blair can return to Labour without making a blind bit of difference. Finally, when politics re-starts for real in parliament, Gordon’s big-tent gimmicks will be forgotten in that adversarial atmosphere.

Breaking News

Nick Robinson breathlessly informed us yesterday on his blog that “The BBC has learnt that over the past 24 hours the Labour Party has begun recruiting key staff to work on an election campaign.” Nick is a brilliant investigative reporter isn’t he? Guido read about that on Recess Monkey the day before, who read it in the Guardian.

Guido could be wrong, but something tells him Gordon is bluffing.

GuyNews : Blears Gets a Cookie-Monstering

Andrew Neil gave Blears a policy stealing monstering which went, errrm, right over her head. See report on GuyNews.TV.

Blears Gets a Cookie-Monstering

[…]

+ READ MORE +

Never Work With Guido, Children or Animals

In a rare and uncharacteristic act of selfless public service, Guido spoke at an event for a few hundred sixth formers today (the honarium was a decent bottle of Marguax). He advised the politically minded students that they would be

[…]

+ READ MORE +

Boris Landslide Result

Boris by a landslide wins the Conservative Party open primary to select their candidate for London Mayor:

  • Boris Johnson 15,661
  • Victoria Borwick 1,869
  • Andrew Boff 1,674
  • Warwick Lightfoot 609
  • Guido is surprised he only got some 3/4 of the votes…[…]

    + READ MORE +

    The Miliblogger is Back to Bore for Britain

    The Miliblogger is back and this time he has a gang. Guido is pleased to say he was the first to welcome him. If you want to give him some feedback, perhaps about the EU constitutional treaty, he would

    […]

    + READ MORE +



    Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
    team@Order-order.com

    Quote of the Day

    Chuka has been trying to spin the Siemens row:

    Chuka Umunna: It’s no different from Sky News quoting a business leader.

    Adam Boulton: Except yours says ‘VOTE LABOUR’ at the bottom.

    Top Posts This Week

    Guidogram: Sign up

    Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.

    Facebook

    Labour: The Party of Benefits Labour: The Party of Benefits
    GOVERNMENT DIGITAL SERVICE BEATS MICROSOFT INTO SUBMISSION GOVERNMENT DIGITAL SERVICE BEATS MICROSOFT INTO SUBMISSION
    EUROPOL CHIEF: SNAPCHAT GREATEST TERRORIST THREAT EUROPOL CHIEF: SNAPCHAT GREATEST TERRORIST THREAT
    Sky News Ballot Ballad Sky News Ballot Ballad
    WATCH: UKIP Pledge Card Revealed WATCH: UKIP Pledge Card Revealed
    Mini Wars Mini Wars

    OZZIE NUMPTY EMAILS DAVID CAMERON’S PASSPORT NUMBER TO ASIAN FOOTBALLERS OZZIE NUMPTY EMAILS DAVID CAMERON’S PASSPORT NUMBER TO ASIAN FOOTBALLERS
    Hell? Yes Hell? Yes
    Cameron’s Last Speech in Downing Street (Before the Election) Cameron’s Last Speech in Downing Street (Before the Election)
    Free Sun Advertising On the BBC Free Sun Advertising On the BBC
    Downing Street Fighting Like Cats and Dogs Downing Street Fighting Like Cats and Dogs
    Lucy Powell Falls Apart Under Questioning Lucy Powell Falls Apart Under Questioning
    Feminist Jazz Hands Explained Feminist Jazz Hands Explained
    WALTER MITTY CV OF ANTI-FRACKING CANDIDATE WALTER MITTY CV OF ANTI-FRACKING CANDIDATE
    Cassetteboy v Cameron and Farage Cassetteboy v Cameron and Farage
    MICROSOFT SHAKES DOWN PUBLIC SECTOR FOR DOSH MICROSOFT SHAKES DOWN PUBLIC SECTOR FOR DOSH
    WATCH: Toby Young Skewers Labour Zero Hours Contract Attack Line WATCH: Toby Young Skewers Labour Zero Hours Contract Attack Line
    MAIL TRICKED INTO QUOTING BATMAN FILM IN PLANE CRASH COVERAGE MAIL TRICKED INTO QUOTING BATMAN FILM IN PLANE CRASH COVERAGE
    ANTI-FRACKING PARLIAMENTARY CANDIDATE WANTED TO WORK FOR FRACKERS ANTI-FRACKING PARLIAMENTARY CANDIDATE WANTED TO WORK FOR FRACKERS
    Crick Gets Paxo’d Crick Gets Paxo’d
    Cameron’s Secret A-List Cameron’s Secret A-List
    Corrections and Clarifications: Brooks Newmark Corrections and Clarifications: Brooks Newmark
    What is Wrong With the Lobby? What is Wrong With the Lobby?
    Arrogant Bercow: “I’m Not Going Anywhere” Arrogant Bercow: “I’m Not Going Anywhere”
    GOVERNMENT SHELLS OUT FOR PHOTO OF DEAD ZEBRA GOVERNMENT SHELLS OUT FOR PHOTO OF DEAD ZEBRA
    DWP Press Office Wins the Internet DWP Press Office Wins the Internet
    Two-Faced Chuka Ruins Labour Attack Ad Two-Faced Chuka Ruins Labour Attack Ad
    Cameron Mauls Miliband at PMQs Cameron Mauls Miliband at PMQs
    Actual Pub Landlord Likes Farage Actual Pub Landlord Likes Farage
    Dave’s SNP Poodle Zinger Dave’s SNP Poodle Zinger