Guido has interrupted his second bottle of the excellent local Rosé d’Anjou – courtesy of those LibDem punters who were a little too optimistic about Bromley – to read his email. A very gracious email from John Hemming and a bizarre comment on the Beeb website from that android, Hazel Blears;

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Err, Labour came fourth behind UKIP. They got beat in Wales by an independent despite the herculean efforts of the entire Labour party campaign machine. It was “anything but Labour” last night, so did she actually believe that when she said it? Why do politicians spout crap like that? Does she expect us to believe it?

Conservative chairman Francis Maude said he was pleased his party had won in Bromley and Chislehurst but “disappointed” at the margin of victory.

n> That seems to me a more reasonable, reality-based, honest comment. The Labour high command are increasingly like Baathists prior to the liberation of Iraq from Saddam and his henchmen, with Blears doing the Comical Ali routine. Inside the bunker getting beat into fourth place by UKIP is a disaster for the victors according to her. In the reality-based community we all know the LibDems fought a better, more spirited, energetic campaign and everybody hates Labour, including Labour supporters who switched to the LibDems. The Tory candidate was flawed, but probably fared better than an A-lister with no constituency links would have done. Anyway, my glass is empty, back to the garden for some more rosé

Blunkett is suing the Sunday Times and The Times over their reporting of his expenses fiddle [as linked]. Steven Swinford wrote the articles about the disgraceful fiddle whereby MPs claim off the taxpayer for interest and furnishing costs even if they don’t have a mortgage (or new furniture). It is, they always say when challenged, “within the rules”.

But it is not honourable or justifiable, it is a blatant fiddle ripping off the taxpayer for non-existent expenses.

The article in question identified David Blunkett, Jack Straw, John Prescott, Geoff Hoon, Ruth Kelly and Margaret Beckett as fiddling between them hundreds of thousands of pounds in unjustified expenses. It is a joke at the taxpayers expense that they are allowed to get away with this.

Guido hopes the Sunday Times & The Times stick to their guns. It is not as if Blunkett has much of a reputation to defend – he is a proven liar who has been caught fiddling his expenses before and has had to resign from office in disgrace twice. Blunkett is feeling a bit cocky having won a couple of court cases recently. This one he deserves to lose.

Here is something of interest, of the mortgage fiddling men named in Swinford’s article – Blunkett, Prescott, Straw and Hoon – the first two have been exposed in the press for having illicit affairs, the latter two have not as yet.

See also :
Hoon Fiddles Expenses “In Accordance With The Rules”
Four Lords A-Fiddling

Guido is still offering 3/1 to any LibDem backers who are feeling lucky, email Guido.

Ben Abbotts claimed to have helped out in an orphanage during his gap year and put the photos in an election leaflet. Turns out he “helped out” for a few hours. In another leaflet he was pictured cleaning graffiti off a wall near the LibDem campaign office with the slogan “Crime Action Needed Now. It’s time to restore pride.” Ben is pictured taking action, proudly. An outraged constituent, Jaj, sent Guido these pictures. Full story here. Ben Abbott is a professional liar who works for the grubbiest spin merchants in Westminster – LLM (Lobbying, Lying and Mendacity) – so you would have thought that, as a pro, he would have realised he would be caught out faking photos. He didn’t do anything more than don marigolds for the photo op – the graffiti is still there…

Lefties are really getting stuck into union-free ASDA and we even have the prospect of a strike. Why? Well obviously it is union-free, it is part of Wal-Mart, the gigantic U.S. supermarket chain that takes $1 in every $12 spent by American consumers. It has a turnover bigger than some European countries’ economies. It is a potent and successful symbol of globalisation, cheap Chinese goods filling the shelves.

David Cameron got a lot of stick from anti-globalisation / anti-capitalist campaigners and trade unions for saying last week that low cost ASDA goods were effectively an anti-poverty strategy for low income families. (Baby Fawkes’ clothes all seem to be made in China, which is great, except Peter Mandelson keeps putting protectionist tariffs on anything you want to buy from China).

Tony’s former spinner Tim Allan now spins for ASDA which doubles the emnity of Labour backbenchers. It was, in these circumstances, amusing for a co-conspirator to hear Hugh Bayley MP on a jolly junket to Arkansas, opining that concern in the U.S. and Europe about losing jobs overseas sometimes overlooked the creation of jobs from globalisation. “You can’t wish away globalisation, you have to find ways to turn it to your advantage,” Bayley said during a meeting with companies that sell products to Wal-Mart Stores Inc., “If Wal-Mart is an example, it is one of creating jobs,” Bayley said. Yes Hugh, but will the comrades understand?

Punters have cut the odds on the LibDems in Bromley. On Betfair currently LibDems are 5/1. Any LibDem backers who want to put on a big bet should email. Guido wants to lay the LibDems in size. A 20% return in a day is too good to miss.

UPDATE : John Hemming MP has stepped up to the plate with a three-figure wager with Guido at 3/1…

Simon Heffer spoke in Bromley about an “alternative home” – geddit?. Surely blog readers won’t want to miss out on what he has to say. Let me know how he “intellectually engages” with UKIP (click on the UKIP TV to watch). Alas, Guido does not have time to watch these pearls of wisdom himself, because he is en route to his alternative home in France. Au revoir…

If you go down to the Lords today,
You’re sure of a big surprise.
If you go down to the Lords today,
You’d better go in disguise.
For every Lord that ever there was
Will gather there for certain because
Today’s the day the Lordships claim their allowances.

My thanks to a very diligent co-conspirator who not only found the fabled whereabouts of the Lords’ Queue, but sent a map too. The legendary Lords’ queue is where they get their day (and overnight) allowance. The sight of all those Noble Lords queuing every day to claim their allowances, having spent precious little time in the Lords Chamber and even less time contributing to Lords debate is truly something to behold. Even without fiddling their expenses they can make £150 a day just for joining the queue – and many do just that.

The noble Lords queue up once a day in the evening at their Fees Office (administered by Black Rod) near the Pugin Room on the ‘red benches’ side of the Palace of Westminster. An MP or a Commons researcher with a Category 10 Pass could legitimately encounter the Noble Queue by taking a short cut from the Pugin Room through the Lords Library corridor back to Commons territory. Guido would like a picture of that queue – this is a covert mission, surreptitious use of the camera-phone will be required. In return for undertaking this risky mission there will be a prize of a copy of bestselling The Bumper Book of Government Waste* to the person who first emails or texts Guido the picture.

Don’t forget to nominate politicians with their “snouts in the trough” to : Pork Busting, giving the name of the politician and the reason. Guido is compiling from the emails a list of politicians with their snouts deep in the public trough and will then organise a readers poll to find our piggiest politician.

*Prize courtesy of publisher Stephen Eckett at www.harriman-house.com

Meanwhile over at the disappointingly Orwellian Labourhome the big issue of today for the “grassroots” is “Why the US government’s shock tactics will not increase breastfeeding rates”. What about the workers?