Thursday, September 30, 2004

Blair Heart Flutters

Story on CBS that Blair to undergo operation for “Heart Flutters”

UPDATE: He is to undergo a catheter ablation. Nothing to worry about. See here. If it was me I’d be shitting myself – involves numbing the groin, wire catheters in your groin. It can be heated -STOP I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW ANY MORE.
UPDATE: 1/300 chance of death.

UPDATE: Tells Marr “Will not serve fourth term” – Doh!
UPDATE: “Brown in danger of laughinging to death” denied.

Sunday Times Leaker

Police have questioned a 23 year-old woman from the cabinet office in connection with the theft of documents. I hope she is innocent. The Sunday Times has been getting loads of government-embarrassing scoops of late. Such as the change to the compilation of NHS productivity figures to make them more productive, the civil service attack on No. 10 spin etc. (Could someone email or voicemail Guido her name – we won’t reveal the source.)

Milburn Sends an Uncoded Message – Why?

In a code that Guido has managed to decipher, Alan Milburn said it would be ‘an enormous privilege’ to lead the party. That suggestion pisses off supporters of the Chancellor, who regard their man as having bagsied the top job whenever it becomes available. ‘It would be an enormous privilege to be Labour leader, but there isn’t a vacancy’, Mr Milburn said at a fringe event last night, adding: ‘Who knows what the future is going to bring?’

Tough code eh? Are the Blairites deliberately using Milburn to wind up Brown, to focus his ire away from Blair?

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

F****** Fox Banned

The League Against Cruel Sports’ fox puppet give-away has been banned by Labour’s conference authorities in case it incites the hunt protestors. (Guido is not making this up – check the link.) Delegates who bought fox puppets from the League yesterday are having them confiscated when their bags are searched on arrival and have been informed that they can have them back at the end of today.

So it was nothing at all to do with a drunk the night before last pursuing a horrified Cherie up the hotel stairs with a fox puppet on his hand. Nothing at all.
UPDATE: Police have now given permission for the League Against Cruel Sports to bring their “provocative” Basil Brush-style toys into the conference centre – only nobody has bothered to tell the Group 4 security guards who are continuing with their “only doing my job” antics.

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Kilroy woz ‘ere

AN online poll asking readers to vote for the best candidate for Prime Minister has been scrapped – after Robert Kilroy-Silk came top. The Ultra-Thatcherite Bruges Group, a Euro-sceptic think-tank, withdrew the results from its website saying they had been “sabotaged”.

Demonstrations Most Newsworthy thing at Labour Conference



Iraq & Fox hunting are the serious issues deserving nude demonstrators and Iraqi Coursing Club jokers. Rely on Guido for the important news. Oh, Blair bored on about not being sorry for arresting Saddam. “I’m like any other human being, as fallible and as capable of being wrong. ” Say it ain’t so Tony?

Straw: "It was quite dark.."

Oh there is so much I’m tempted to pun, so much, so difficult to restrain myself. Particularly following lunch…

Mr Straw shook the dictator’s hand during a reception for South African President Thabo Mbeki and was filmed by a BBC Newsnight team which was following him around the UN. The footage was broadcast last night and the Foreign Secretary said later: “Because it was quite dark in that corner I was being pushed towards shaking hands with somebody just as a matter of courtesy and then it transpired it was President Mugabe.”

Monday, September 27, 2004

Brown its all "tittle-tattle"

Excellent, tittle-tattle is my speciality. Guido’s bull-shit detector has been flashing red as the comrade’s conference kicked off. Blair telling Frostie it’s all nonsense and soap opera, Brown this morning saying taxes had not gone up and the general secretary of the Labour Party attacking “those people in the political elite who would rather that politics was left to them.”

One bit of rare honesty came from Margaret Hodge, admitting that many traditional Labour supporters are racist and that the government must no longer send mixed messages out of fear of losing their support. She didn’t say they wear appalling shell-suits and some of them don’t even know how to use a knife and fork properly, but you knew what she meant.


Noticeable lack of speakers using the word “comrade” – where have all the socialists gone?

Thursday, September 23, 2004

Tony Clarke MP – Liar and Hooligan

You read it here last week. Northampton South’s Labour MP Tony Clarke has admitted that he was involved in “minor hooliganism”. He was a young Inter-City-Firm thug. By ‘minor’ he presumably means he didn’t stab anyone. So when last he week he denied being an ICF thug, he was LYING.
Why did he try to Aitken his way out of the story, instead of saying “I was young and foolish but that was then and now I’m an MP.” – (the Dubya defence). Could it be perhaps that he is just another lying politician? Swing required to lose seat: 0.90% so I feel comfortable in predicting the phrase “TORY GAIN” will be the last word’s he hears as an MP on election night.

UPDATE
: Hearing rumours that he is to announce his resignation from the Northampton Town Supporters’ Trust board.

The Boris Backlash Starts Here

Let me be the first to say I’m getting fed up with Boris. He has now started his own blog, to go with his Spectator editorship, occasional quiz show appearance, assorted bits of journalism, fan club, cross party following and safe seat. That nice-guy act isn’t fooling me Boris…


Seen Elsewhere

What Will Happen if Scots Leave? | David Aaronovitch
Why Are Radicals Like Carswell Leaving Tories? | BBC
Danczuk: Rotherham Abuse Imported From Pakistan | Telegraph
Ashya King Case Shows How Authorities Get it Wrong | ConHome
The Carswell Show | Jon Craig
Cops Seized Journalist’s Phone to Out Whistleblower | Press Gazette
Chuka’s £2,500 Tax Avoidance Donation | Times
Another BBC Stitch Up? | David Keighley
Divided, Pessimistic Tories Expect Defeat | Alex Wickham
Labour Suspends Rotherham Council Members | Sky
PM Used Terror Crisis to Deflect From Carswell | Rachel Sylvester


VOTER-RECALL
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George Osborne rejects the Ice Bucket Challenge from Ed Balls:

“I’d rather pay the money to charity and pour cold water on his policies.”



Owen Jones says:

We also need Zil lanes.


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